/x/ - /x/

I'm new to tarot and I don't have anyone irl to practice with. Ask me a question and I'll give you an answer! Make sure to include the number 1 or 2 with your question, I'm using two decks.

I caught a good friend of mine browsing this dark web site when we were hanging out in my dorm one day. We had co-ed so he could visit me even though we are opposite genders. He said to me that he was buying weed, and I told him it was illegal and he was going to get caught.

About a week later, we were in my dorm again probably watching a movie or playing a game. I heard a sharp knock at my door suddenly. I got nervous thinking it might be the police, but it turned out to be much worse than just the police. There was this really shady guy, and he asked me if I was the one who bought the weed. I said I didn't buy it, but my friend chimed in and said he bought it. The shady man said to come out to his car in the next parking lot over by the nursing home.

I followed my friend, I had to go to ensure nothing happened to him. I put the hood up on my pikachu hoodie and walked about 5 feet behind my friend. We came up to a car without a license plate where there was someone sitting in the back. The shady man motioned for him to get down, and he opened his trunk to hand my friend the weed.

I know it’s probably not very believable of my sanity due to the title. But I need to get this off of my chest to somebody, anybody, and this is probably a good place to go. Plus I’ve deleted all of my other social media, therapists are scheming little devils, and my family could not be trusted with this information.

For some context on how my mind kind of works: I don’t have DID or any of those dissociative disorders, but I might have a really diluted distant cousin type thing of one of them. You see, in my head, there is me, but also a bunch of smaller fractured mes, of different natures and temperaments, a likely infinite amount. There is no “fronting” that someone with a dissociative disorder would have; there is me and the ever shifting parliament of mes, and any certain amount of the mes may congregate and discuss in my surface thoughts at any time. This can range from heated debates to full on screaming matches. Usually when 2+ are meeting it is not very good. Usually to argue about the management of internal affairs.
One interesting thing though is that I do not hallucinate, ever. In my mind, very vivid descriptions of the scenes playing out occur, but no hallucinations.
Other people who are not me, and my OCs, are also present. But they are not part of the parliament. Think of them as actors in my thoughts.

So, onto what I am most concerned about.

I was in the discord roleplay circuit after joining a server. I had one major OC I would use in these roleplays. I began spending a lot of time and emotional investment in the story that me and this server were involved in. However, things started to go sour. So I left the server. But the events of the server, this story that had become so ingrained into my daily thoughts continued to haunt me, even as I began to resent my reminiscing as a drain on productivity.

I was also incredibly lonely at the time, so I started to do something I should have thought through more- I attempted to convert my OC into a tulpa. This did not work as intended. Development of the tulpa began to set in at a rapid pace, and the tulpa began expressing to me vaguely threatening intentions. So, the hedge my bets and cut my losses, I pulled the plug.

You may have noticed that I have been very vague on what occurred in the discord server. That is because I used a very simple hypnosis video to suppress my memories of the discord server, the storyline, and my character and thus locPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I'm in the mood to call the police on someone just for fun. Confess the worst thing you ever did here.

Do you believe in evil? Do you think it exists?

Know any phone numbers that do creepy or wierd things when you call them?

>inb4 therapy and take ur meds/kys

I know some people may be against it, but on my case I'm desperate and I've thought about it since I'm a kid.

The only 2 things that I want is, diligence and stop being in a frozen state due to mental health issues/trauma. Unfortunately tho, diligence is a virtue and not a sin, but since I'm an illustrator and I draw for people indulgence, doesn't that make it a sin at the same time?

The internet is an easy way to get some following, so in that sense if I can attract people to the things, in a way is a form of paying my debt a bit along with my soul but i feel/think that my soul has no value, since I have no family, I live alone, I was CSA and did CSAM from 5's to 9's, suffered isolation at kinder till high school, parents and brother were physically and emotionally abusive with me for like 2 decades and had no friends until recently in real life whom are like 2 fellas, I'm single and of course mentally ill, so I wonder if the devil would be interested in someone that suffered so much and has no love/people around but got the talent enough to attract thousands with art, which if I do I can earn lots of money if I do it constantly so that's kind of a sin too in some sort of sense.

I don't want romantic love, I want to stop being a schizoid bitch and do my job, get fame and bucks but seeing how my life was before I don't think the devil wants something to do with me, I don't know if tortured people are something attractive for demons or the devil to make pacts with.

I always wonder what did I do in the other life to go through so much shit, and I wonder if I'll ever get paid back the good things I deserve since I went through this.

Does the devil like people that haven't sin themselves but went through the sins others did on them? How comes life let the abusers live at peace but the children that suffered won't be able to live without having the sins of others over their shoulders?

Am I worth it for the devil? Or I just got nothing to offer at all?

has anyone else gotten dpdr/depersonalization/derealisation/dissociation from weed, this feeling is so scary

          Y̯̥͓̫̦̒ͩ͆ͧͩ͌̈̽O̩ͫ͒͛̌Ǔ͕̞͔͚̘̙͉ͦͬ͋ ͎̰̟̰̱̖̮̓͛̔̊W̳͐͋̔̌ͧͨ̆̏I̜̰̭̣̤̖̱̲ͥS̘̭̤̹͙̤̬͑H̥̲̳̓̔̾̅ͧE̮̻͖̣͖̜̟̙ͬ̈́̓ͮ̓́D͇̓ͣ̂ ̰̰̟̬̩̓͆ͭ͒̌F̞̬̜͇͇̦ͣͨͩO͎̘̊̑ͩ̐ͤ͗͐̀R̖͓̳̮̥ͥ́̋ͥ͐͂ͩ̒ ̟̝̩͗̿ͯI̺̫͕̰̠̹̪̪̒̾ͬ̒̑ͮ̐̄T͔͖̝̱̹̣ͪ̿ͣ̂

Ever since I got rid of my ex's mementos and memories, my vision of him has slowly deteriorated until the only thing I could remember was a body of water. Similar to Chaos or that guy from Terminator. All that remained is a human being made of water. He hugs me and cuddles me, but I don't see hair, nor skin, nor a face in it.
And I wonder, my mother used to say she was very spiritual and that she could see spirits because she went to many spiritual locations, and she did say that these spirits would be like a body of water. I went to search on the internet but there seems to be no real consensus on how these spirits/souls look like.
Anyhow, how do you think spirits/souls look like?