/feels/ - Advice & Venting

why did she leave you?

>>117873
I was too obsessed with her because I thought she loved me too

if you say you're incapable of achieving it, then you will be. you have to make the reality you want.

>>118010
????
>>118012
I try to stay positive and confident but sometimes my self esteem just takes a crash that I can't come back from. Especially when I fail at forming a connection, it feels like it defines me and my future

>>118015
How is anything I posted unhinged are you retarded

>>118015
>>118020
Oh my god shut up moid.(YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US)

>>118021
HANK! DONT FORGET RULE 7, HANK!

>>117951
…I’m not a man. I’m seriously suffering because of emotional dependency and there’s no genuine advice so far. Saying “oh the solution is so obvious just stop suffering lmao” isn’t a refreshing perspective. This site has become gradually more violent and paranoid. The type of people that continuously engage in comment section’s cat fights.

>>117962
Sorry but there are a lot of men who come on here and write desperate pictures of insane women to troll this board.

Anyhow maybe you could do something like put all that clingyness aside for a while and try a new approach. Don't show ANY kind of fixation on him that he can see. Become really emotionally detached to everything he does. I'm not saying completely reject him but only give him little bits of attention. (Get very good at acting distant. Research it online if you have to, until you have no more questions about it) This way he starts to get paranoid of you pulling away which pulls him more into you. Also go outside and get a job. Just apply for anything to get yourself out of the house, out of your mind, so you can buy some nice things for yourself, save some money, make friends etc.

And I'm dead serious about keeping up this act where you are semi-distant. Be extremely good at it. I mean obviously you drop him some bones here and there and keep him happy enough but make him work for your attention. This will make him obsessed with you lol.

But remember this only works if you do it right. You've GOT to understand how much clingyness can actually really dull a person's attraction to you.
Thats probably what you're experiencing. He's probably overwhelmed by that and getting slightly turned off. But you can still fix it before things get bad. If you act emotionally disconnected and never emotionally react to things you will be much much much better off.

Seriously can you go back to school or get a job?

whenever you get a voice in your head that say he's going to betray you, and it makes you want to lash out to escape the feeling, you should probably try your best to ignore them and hold on to things in reality that keep you grounded. things that anchor you so you dont lose your mind. i think it would help to have a hobby to cling on to whenever youre alone so it consumes your mental energy rather than your insecurities ending up consuming you. i wanna say great that you still do chores and go to the gym despite barely having any energy before nona so congrats on that. i think if you try everyday you will get further than you realise even when it feels like the world is crashing down. a therapist like others have said would be good to help you with this if thats something available to you. its easier when you rely on others to kind of help you mentalize around your disorders for you.

so basically my advice to become empowered and gain your sense of self again
>unempower your emotions
>distract yourself with hobbies/interests
>hold on to facts/things in reality that keep you grounded
>find a therapist to help work you through this
this might sounds weird but some people personify their emotions/voices as being another person thats trying to destroy their lives, so maybe you could pretend its this to help you go against and idenitfy your feelings of extreme self doubt and jealousy whenever they happen. honestly its great that youre aware of your behaviour and willing to change it even though you know it causes others (and yourself) suffering so its a good first step. good job.
>if he chose to stay with me and give another opportunity to us, why hes so cold? why I had to beg him to message me more often?
he knows how much you can hurt him now, so hes instinctively putting distance between you and his emotions to protect himself. its a human reaction. i think if he still wants to be with you after everything that then its still a good sign. so dont give up nona. i get the sense i have to say this though, if it doesnt work out, your emotions may be telling you its the end of your life, but the reality is you can find someone else even of it doesnt seem like it. please dont cut or kill yourself before then - especially not over a man. im not on my meds rn so i hoped i made sensPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

we're complete opposites
>>117979

>>117967
>Seriously can you go back to school or get a job?
I will. I definitely will. I want to start working next week and studying next year.
As for the rest, I think the push and pull involved in that dynamic is exhausting. Especially if it doesn't come from me naturally because I have so much love for him and almost no pride. Plus I know that at this point, when he's already busy and focused on other things, he wouldn't notice my distance. Hell, he himself started communicating less for that reason. Not because he wanted to catch my attention with indifference in some twisted mind game. Admittedly, I have to tone it down, because I'm acting like a fangirl around him. It feels like entering the honeymoon phase all over again, but only for me. All nervous and desperate for him. If I don't talk to him, he won't talk to me. If I control myself to the limit and don't text him for 6 hours, which will be a huge victory for me, for him it will be routine. Thanks for trying to help me but that method isn’t sustainable for me.
>>117979
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It feels so good to have a stranger acknowledge your effort no matter how small it may seem. You are so sweet. Today I tried to carry out two of your principles, including connecting with an online therapist. It went well. I also tried to focus on reality instead of fantasies, but it’s so hard to keep my imagination quiet. I mean, yesterday I spent part of the day with my boyfriend and before I got to his house the nervousness and anxiety were so extreme that I just wanted to end it all. I was about to send myself to urgency (wtf…). Then, when we parted ways, I felt like the happiest and most fulfilled woman in the world. Until today, of course, that I’m waiting again for his texts with pathological impatience. He left work 1 hour ago, but he doesn't say anything to me. He gave the relationship another chance, but I feel like he doesn't give us another chance. Otherwise, why wouldn't he even remember that I exist to send me a little text? Even after I said to him I greatly appreciate small texts telling me what he’s doing/going to do. I blame myself every day for the damage I did to get him to this point. Just like you said, he’s damaged. He’s hurt. But we were supPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Sadly, people really treat you better and compliment you when you lose weight, not just guys. I've been fat while I was a neet, during some period of my life, and ir made my life much more difficult, not because of what people thought about me (never gave a shit about this fr), but I couldn't find nice clothes to wear or breath properly.
Intermittent fasting and lift weights were very effective, but it was not easy, mostly because was a neet totally out of form. You will need a lot of focus and patience

>>117985
But they are just trying to get something from you or rope you into some social thing that you dont want.

I mostly thinned out from growth spurts rather than some weight loss journey but I honestly can't relate to finding it bothersome that people treat you differently after becoming thinner. I just saw it as a welcome change. Extroversion is healthier than being anti-social so it being forced on one's self (from being "pretty" and from being a giraffe in my case) is not a terrible thing. Besides, clowning moids for being tubby is endless fun and if they can't fire it back at you it's even better.
My friend who actually did go on a proper weight loss journey said black coffee is basically a cheat code for losing weight.
Also walk as many places as you can.

>>117989

Sometimes people are just being too chatty, where I live normies love do to stupid useless comments about another person's apparence, and being a woman doens't help. Most of the the time, I don't a give a shit, but sometimes it can be annoying.

>>117991
Yes exactly so you have to avoid them like the plague.

>>117974
But seriously this time couldn't you just take an uber?

>>117975
Wisdom teeth removal usually makes you act drunk, doesn't it? Seems dangerous.
Idfk. Anon go on tinder or some other local app or maybe even your town/states reddit and ask if a girl can come with you to get your wisdom tooth removed. You won't get stabbed. Probably.

>>117975
You have to have someone pick you up. Like they make you fill out paper work on who’s gonna get you. But also if you had surgery would you wanna take an Uber?

>>117953
What? No you're not supposed to eat ice cream at all! I got my wisdom teeth removed last year and they said under no circumstances have anything with extreme temperatures or use a straw until it's completely healed.

My mother drank a cold milkshake after she got her wisdom teeth removed and it really messed her up

>>117982
>>117982
they were probably thinking of tonsil removal and not teeth

>>117800
Yeah I've realized that now at 23. Also I've tried being friends with males but they just want to date me or sleep with me. Friends suck

>>117803
Well no, there will be 1 or 2 out of the dozens of people you know who wont suck. But my god do most of them suck.

>>117804
Keep strong fellow nona

I have friends now at 22 but didn't have any until 19ish.

My best advice is to find an already functional friend group to join. If you can go to clubs or events and meet people who appear similar to you, you might be able to integrate with them.

I feel like friend groups with both men and women are always less pressure, more casual.

>>117779
and do you ever have a night out tho?

Do not quit your job until he has a legal obligation to you through marriage. Three months is too early. He could easily set you up for failure and you would not even have the courts on your side.

Do not do this, nona.

>>117472
We talked about this too, he said that he would still give me money until i get a job if we break up, but i'm with you in that 3 months is too early, but again i've known his for so long, ahhh idk what to do, maybe i'll tell him to wait a little longer, 9 more months maybe? to be a year, But i really don't want to work anymore uhhhhh, well i guess i have to think about it more, thanks for your answer nona

>>117469
I would suggest co-inhabiting together for 6 months to a year before you quit your job. Talk is cheap and you should always be prepared to catch yourself if he fails you.

I hope you choose whatever is best for you, Nona.

Personally, I believe that 3 months is too short - even if you've been friends with him for 7 years. I assume you deeply trust this person and feel like you know them, but some people can act completely different in romantic relationships and it may take a few months or years for this aspect of their personalities to slip out.
If you quit your job, you will be financially reliant on your partner. The gap in your resume can negatively impact your career if you end up needing to work again in the future.
When you choose to rely on someone to such an extent, you must ask yourself uncomfortable questions such as:
-How will I be able to support myself if our relationship ends?
- If my partner becomes abusive in the future, will I be able to leave?
-What if my partner bars me from making purchases that I find important?
-What if my partner loses their job or has poor spending habits?

No one wants to believe that their relationships will turn sour or end but it's important to acknowledge that it might in the future.

Hopefully none of these things happen to you and everything ends well, Nona. Good luck!

>>117469
The longer you stay out of the job market, harder it is to get back in. Like how another nona said, he has no obligation to you until it's marriage and if things were to go up in flames in the future, you're gonna be the one with higher consequences cus he kept his job but you didn't. Weigh your pros and cons logically before u make a decision.

As an actual woman who is so ugly she can't get in a relationship, seeing all these pretty girls in relationships call themselves "femcels" is kinda soulcrushing. Like, are you aware of what the "cel" in femcel means? Us ugly women really can't have anything for ourselves can we

>>117295
100% yes. they really can't let you have anything of your own. for some reason the pretty/popular girls feel the need to involve themselves in everything that doesn't even concern them. maybe because they're used to always being the center of attention so they can't fathom being left out of something.

>>117502
They need to market themselves as a quirky #notbasic type of popular which is why most pretty popular girls won't admit their status. The difference is when a pretty/popular girl says "I'm so loser core ecks dee" it's seen as a funny character quirk by moids whereas it makes me a weirdo.

Beating a dead horse but attractive + "loser" = not like other girls gf, ugly + loser = terminally online freak

>>117295
>Do you guys get mad that your starting to see normie woman use things like femcel and fembot? Like these terms are now being used by attractive women. Like they already have everything. Why do they have to act like they’re super niche as well?
Anything that gets big enough on the chans will make its way into normie culture eventually.

>>117314
Seek help wtf

For me, the worst that happened was that I roleplayed as a anime guy when I was 13.
I felt more comfortable to roleplay as guy then when I roleplayed as a girl, but I found that was because of the extremely high standards I was giving myself.
Even when I was feminine, I was mocked for being fat and having male hobbies like gaming and some guys at school would call me a man to mock me (the same guys that then would try to sexual assault me lol)
Now I am confident and comfortable in my femininity.

>>103682
I never even told her, never told anyone but my sister about my fantasy of trooning out. It was because she started noticing me dressing like a boy that she started to give me pep talks saying how I'm a girl and how devastated she would be if I wanted to be something else. She just knew instinctively. I think for some teenagers it would just make their beliefs stronger and make them want to rebel more but for others maybe they will start to feel upset for their loved ones and stop the trooning process.

When I hit puberty at the age of 10, I displayed behaviours that would now be considered signs of being trans, but it was the late 2000s so I didn't make the connection and neither did anyone else around me. I started to viciously hate sexually mature females and femaleness, openly talk about wanting to change my name to be gender neutral, dread the thought of having breasts, dread the thought of starting my period, dissociated from my body, blocked out the reality that I had breasts and my period would come soon, switched to gender neutral body covering clothes, openly and explicitly protested at being called "she" and "girl". But I didn't really identify with males either, I hated them too. I had no idea what I wanted. I liked beardless, skinny, long-haired, androgynous male characters and created an alter-ego OC but didn't really connect with anyone on social media about it.

Then the next year I started starving myself and switched to a sort of forced, caricatured femininity, like I was playing out a misogynistic autist's resentful, bitter caricature of what it was to be a preteen girl. I can tell that since puberty I had a subconscious desire to be "like a man" rather than "like a woman" in the way I think and socialize, but I never thought of it in those terms. These desires usually coexisted with a desire to present in a feminine, but desexualized way. I never had the thought that I'm not a female, I just hated it and then made peace fairly quickly. I am lucky I could.

By the time I was a teenager & trans stuff started to enter public discourse it was like I forgot about all this. When my HS best friend came out as non-binary I was disappointed and resisted the name/pronoun change. When all the conversations about trans started happening, I never really made the connection to myself or thought of it as something I might pursue. When I started making all sorts of friends who were trans identified or later came out as trans, none of them really commented on my own status. I never got close to TiFs because, in the back of my mind, I knew I hated what they were doing and I hated the thought of having to pretend we were different "genders". I got on the best with autistic TiMs who were relatively self-assured and didn't impose horniness on me. When I was about 20 I experimented a bit with wearing thrifted men's clothes and I bought a cheap binder to see if it would look good, but never wore it again after the first try.

HardPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Ever since I was a child, I was insecure about "looking boyish". I remember during school dances I had to take the role of a "boy" because there weren't many boys in my class. And it was always me and one other girl, the teacher didn't care enough to swap us with the other girls. I was also bullied for being overweight by all the guys in my class and I thought nobody sees me as a girl anyway, so I might as well be a guy.

I've discovered tumblr in 2012, before the whole trans thing. But after 2015 I was part of a few LGBT circles or how should I call it. I didn't really buy that much into it. I just wanted an excuse to live as a man.

I had a weird childhood, on one side everyone made me think I was too ugly and gross to be considered a woman, but I was also sexualized by strangers, because of my body. Someone even took upskirt photos of me when I was maybe 10 or 11.

I'm basically a hikikomori now, I work from home and I'm terrified of going to public, unless I'm going to places I'm familiar with.

>>103655
Only when i was older and the trans thing even caught on. I absolutely have the personality of a man sometimes because it just suits me… but im just as much feminine at times. I believe in taking on the full spectrum of human qualities, especially where assertiveness, confidence, impishness are involved, otherwise I just think you're missing out, losing out, living a diminished life. I don't really dress masculine. But I've always had this boyish cavalier personality and wildness. When I was a child and in my teens it was the same, I subconsciously strove for both qualities.

I would never transition into a man and i would mock anyone who insisted i should. I really dont care what other people do unless they brigade on reddit and limit peoples' freedom of speech. If they kept at insisting and bringing up the trans thing i would turn the bullshit back on them and just start harassing them back. I would probably bite their head off if they annoyed me enough. I'm really good at using my "masculine" qualities to flip the script being fed to me and make people shut up if they won't stop forcefeeding me things im not receptive to. Even my presence tends to shut people up. I mean i really cultivated the whole masculine voice thing, I'm ngl. I really don't want to be dominating though I just want to enjoy my life in peace.

Take vit D, iron, vit C, B12, if you lack any of it

>>117869
maybe op should try rehearse a script of what to say and build her energy (exercise, full nutrition) so she isnt drained so fast if thats the case then. people use to exhaust me until i learnt to be comfortable around others (recognising how much they can hurt me, how much it matters if things go wrong, steps i will take if it everything blows up in my face) and rely on a system of scripts to do the talking for me. i never thought i would be the type to be relaxed when going to bars, parties, events, but it gets easier when you know what people are about (and what to do with this). it turns out the patterns in which people talk arent mysterious and unpredictable. i hope this advice helps you feel less drained op

>>117882
Erm you're basically admitting your whole social life is an effing script ? I can guarantee you people can tell. Whats the point? Nothing that happens in most social events is very memorable or meaningful. Its all mostly a chore unless you're with a person you really like.

But im sure as hell not going to talk to anybody long who's so bad at interaction they base socializing off a script. I don't want to interact with ANY group of people that dumb and tedious.

Find a few people who don't suck and hang around them. Anon's advice to use a script is so terrible kek.
It just makes you sound incapable of being real

>>117897
NTA but she could have just meant that shes on "autopilot mode" with normies or people shes forced to socialize with, people she doesnt how to converse with regardless and not her closest.
having a mental script for basic, simple convos with strangers and acquaintances can be better than freezing up or stuttering/being overly awkward if you want to avoid the humiliation that comes with a normie judging you for being strange or not meeting their standards in terms of social skills

>>117851
You might be projecting your own thoughts and feelings onto her.

From what I gather, it doesn't bother you that she talks a lot, what bothers you is that you don't talk a lot, but you think she wants you to talk more. If you're like me, you probably like the idea of not having to talk much when you hang out with someone.

There's nothing wrong with having a more vulnerable discussion where you could just say: "I notice we complement each other - you're a lot more high energy which is fun to be around, and I assume I'm something of a calming presence for you? How would you explain our dynamic?" If that's too much then you could discuss MBTI to see what her type is (or do the test) and then you can talk about what aspects of your type most resonate with each of you.

My biggest problem is that I'm not too curious about people so I don't really care much to pry.