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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Grieving Anonymous 104832[Reply]

One of my close friends was missing over the past week and his body was found in a drug dealer's apartment. Apparently he overdosed on codeine and the dealer ran away
He was only 27 and had so much life ahead of him. I'm struggling to deal with this tragedy. Can some of you share how you dealt with yours

Anonymous 104833

Accepting that every one makes their own choices and death is a natural process regardless of how it comes about.

My previous roommate started using cocaine again, to the point where she lost her jobs, was staying up all night on binges, eventually she had to go to inpatient for a month.

She gets out, made friends there, starts inviting all these friends (who are all either drug abusers or dealers) over. They all start using together again very shortly after getting out and hanging out.

Eventually she latches onto one of the guys, who has a kid that he cant see because he doesnt have a car due to the drug abuse, he starts living with us. I eventually leave because things become too unsafe, the dude starts offering her opiates and various pills and they both go off the rails.

Last I heard from her, and the public record in my county, and that he was found dead on the side of the road. He was partying with some friends, they were driving out in the country, the dude ODs in the passenger seat and they just threw him out of the car. Fucked up.

I became friends with this girl in high school. We had been friends for nearly a decade. In highschool, her best friend was this girl that was in our friend group. They both smoked together quite often and had a particular bond. One day after a rough week at home, she had no access to the internet or her cell phone to contact friends (parents took it), she met up with one of the girls from our school to hang out and do drugs in some abandoned house.

Our friend overdosed, and the girl left her because she was "scared and didn't know what to do". Her parents found her dead in the abandoned house the next day after she was missing.

I was 16, there was nothing any of us could have done. Even as an adult, there was nothing I could do to help my roommate friend who was abusing cocaine. Every one is on their own path, and you can only play the role they allow you to have in their lives.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 104840

>dead moid
You should be celebrating.

Anonymous 104854

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Anonymous 104891

dark duck.jpeg

I had a very weird reaction to a death recently. I dunno if I'd call it "grieving," because she wasn't a personal friend of mine, she was my younger Sister's closest friend, I just sorta saw her around the house a lot when I was a kid. But I did have an intense reaction to her death. She died of cancer at age 29. My sister spent a lot of time by her bedside when she was dying and told me about all the pain she was in–I don't want to get too gruesome but basically it was very severe pain lasting several weeks.
Anyway while this woman was dying I was constantly thinking about death. I was really intensely scared of it, especially the idea of going in a very painful way like Cancer. After this woman actually died the fear of death thing passed but then a bunch of other weird emotional symptoms began to emerge. I started getting really concerned that I was wasting my life and that I didn't have as much time left as I thought, that I could myself someday die young having never married, had children, or achieved any noteworthy professional success. I really haven't prioritized relationships with men at all most of my life, I had some brief relationships in high school and one in college, all of which I broke off for reasons that amount to "I'm just not really feeling it." I kept thinking back to these relationships and how they didn't really have any big problems, how I could have stuck around and married and eventually had kids with either one of them, but I did not because I subconsciously thought I had infinite time remaining to figure this stuff out. If you'd asked me in my twenties if I cared about starting a family I'd have said no, but now I think I didn't well enough at the time. I think more precisely I thought that I was going to live for an eternity and therefore did not need to work on relationships in the moment, I could just work on it like 100 years from now or something. Now I'm 32 and have developed very strong reclusive/shutin tendencies that I've rigorously trained myself into over the course of an entire decade. I simply don't have the social habits of the kind of person who ends up married with children.
I had similar anxious/regretful thoughts about my career but I won't elaborate on those because work is the more successful part of my life and my regrets about it are generally more minor.
One very weird thing about all this is that I had actual close friends die in the past and their deaths didn't mess with my head as badPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


careers with larger female workforces? Anonymous 104233[Reply]

hello nonas! i was wondering if anyone had some advice on what sort of jobs/careers in ur experience tend to have more women. i work part time while studying but im finding through work and placement that my field is mostly moids. i work better and im much more comfortable around other women so its a big consideration for me. obviously no one field is gonna be moidless but if u work in a certain field and/or are studying something that u see a lot of other women in then please share!
14 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 104624

be a medical lab scientist. my workmates are 95% women. it's all good.

Anonymous 104666

Followers vs early adopters

Anonymous 104687

Speech Language Pathology is roughly 90% woman. You do have to work with either young or old moids but they tend to be harmless due to intellectual impairments

Anonymous 104714

I am that nona. The chain of events would be set off by an attending physician spewing their wrath at the resident which would then trickle down to everyone, including the patients. There wasn't a lot of empathy in that ward and it constantly smelled like lochia. Residents would often cry after M&Ms because of how mean the attendings would get. evil place badbadnotgood

Anonymous 104874

I work in recruiting and 80% of my team is female (although the 20% that are men basically take up all of the top positions but hopefully we'll see more change in that over the years)


Am I a two-timing asshole Anonymous 104563[Reply]

>Dated a guy (A) for 3 years and was in a 3 musketeers friendship with his best friend (B)
>A and I break up
>B and I get a lot closer
>We try to maintain 3 way friendship
>B and I start crushing on each other but we are both in denial
>Sidenote, I get kicked out of my house at one point and am homeless so I move in half and half with A and B
>B and I start fucking
>A and I start fucking
>B and I fall in love, are not exclusive
>Am still fucking A out of habit when I stay at his house. I don't even really want it but part of me likes the thought of having my best friends be spit sisters without knowing it
>B finally wants to be exclusive
>I break off the sex with A immediately
>I still haven't told B that I was fucking them both at the same time
>A doesn't know B and I have been dating.
>I've been in a secret relationship with B for 1 year and haven't told anyone but a distant friend and my therapist
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
21 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 104788

I'm returning to my hometown in a few days for a two week period, then leaving to Asia for 3 weeks. B and I are trying to figure out how/when we're going to tell A. B is hesitant to tell the truth (on top of it all, A and B are in a semi-successful band together).

I want to tell B about my betrayal to him first. If B leaves me over it, we can part ways and at least A's feelings will have been spared. I'll move to another city or something.

A is going through a rough time right now (he is queer and his dad is an alt-right boomer, A is stuck living at home with him).

B suggested we semi-lie, tell A we have feelings for each other but haven't had sex and go from there so that A doesn't have to bare having been betrayed by his closest friends on top of the current struggle. It is super manipulative, but if A never finds out (no one but my therapist and 1 friend know B and I have been dating) maybe we can spare A the pain, and make him feel considered…

This situation has me realising how much I fucking hate lying. You can never be close to anyone, never have those boundless relationships where you are hiding nothing, where you feel free. A lie creates a barrier between you and every person you meet. You can never really be yourself. It is so lonely.

Maybe it isn't two-timing, but it's 'fair-game' on a technicality. My actions aren't honouring the honest, courteous, respectful friendship we all used to have. I honestly don't think it can be fixed. We may stay friends somehow, but it won't ever be how it used to be. It already isn't how it used to be. B feels distant from A, too. We chose each other at the cost of losing A. That was the risk we took.

Anonymous 104806


>he is queer

Anonymous 104810

please don't tell me she fucked a guy without telling a queer-he(her)

Anonymous 104816

Anonymous 104817

Yes, you're a terrible person. I hope A can move on. You & B deserve each other


Weddings Anonymous 56056[Reply]

Do you want to get married?
If so, what's your dream wedding?
Who would you invite?
What wedding dress would you wear?
What theme would you do?
31 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 104142

>family names means colonialism and eugenics
two years late but that's the most retarded take i've ever read on here probably

Anonymous 104215

i got married at the courthouse a few months ago because i'm so anxious about planning a wedding. my job before covid was wedding planning so i know how much of a shit show/expense it is. i still want to have one because the only time you see everyone you love is baptisms/marriages/funerals. but fuck! it's so expensive. and my husband has a different cultural background than me so i have to figure out how to incorporate two ceremonies/outfits/music/food aHHHHHHHH. and i am very bad at dancing i do not want this documented

Anonymous 104290

Thank you!

My wedding was perfect besides the flowers. I had a flower crown that I bought off Etsy. The florist was supposed to make my bouquet match it. I sent her a photo of it and everything and she completely forgot or ignored my details.

My headpiece is peonies and pale pink and creamy white. She gave me a bouquet that was hot pink and BRIGHT purple. Hideous! I broke down crying seeing it upon first sight. And they were dahlias and roses…

She gave me a hot mess of a bouquet that didn’t match my dress or flower crown so I walked around bouquet-less — THats how much I hated it. I am thinking of redoing all my hair makeup dress bouquet etc again and getting good photos professionally done at some type of wedding photoshoot business when I visit Japan or korea or something. I heard they have good photo-ops there.

Anonymous 104464

I totally understand where you’re coming from.

I like romance but can’t see myself having a wedding because I’m a very private person. Even having my bf’s parents having knowledge of my existence was enough stress for me.

Anonymous 104783


>Do you want to get married?


I say "Yes" only if very untraditionally, because I acknowledge traditional marriage has lost almost all meaning in modern day. I want to live separately, I want us both to work (Barring any serious accident/injury/etc.) but not share majority of eachother's finances, basically be as independent of eachother as possible. Because not doing these is a reason I believe my parents relationship failed. It's very hard not to pick up tradwife behavior subconsciously. You have to make a very big effort to plan your marriage in a way that won't leave one party in socioeconomical or emotional ruin.

I say "No", because I like the idea of being long-term committed without marriage. It has been pushed as one of the most social, traditional social expectations on women for too long. I want to call bullshit on the idea of needing to live together, sleep in the same bed, have children, etc. in order to be in a fulfilling life-long relatioship. I could do all of these without being married, be married only "in theory" and not on paper, then seperate, and I'll still be better off than people who do but then have to deal with all the crap a divorce or "trapped marriage" brings. No thank you.

I think getting "untraditionally" or "unofficially" married is the smarter thing to do. History has shown humans aren't designed for the expectations regarding committment that they place on eachother.

>If so, what's your dream wedding?

Very small and in private. Absolutely no giant, Indian-like weddings. Call me boring, but I want it to be as casual as possible. This goes back to my idea that marriage for an already very strong relationship shouldn't change almost nothing. If you're with someone you're already planning to stay with for life, I don't see the point of making a big show of it.

>What wedding dress would you wear?

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


how does one cope with anhedonia Anonymous 103681[Reply]

or better yet get rid of it entirely?

i’ve tried all the standard advice: exercise, eat 5 serving of vegetables, active social life, went to therapy, psych meds, good relationships with family, got a pet, traveled, various art classes. i currently volunteer regularly at several organizations that (in theory) align with my personal values/beliefs. i’ve also tried the classic self destructive behaviors, which made me feel at least different for about a year, but eventually returned to just going through the motions, even drugs, which was especially disappointing.

everything just feels flat and draining. there is literally nothing that i want to do with my life; the only things i genuinely enjoy are sleep and drinking cold water. i always feel like i’m just performing some version of normal, but i don’t know why or for who. i’m vaguely bothered by the feeling that i’m shortchanging my friends and family, but i’m not actively suicidal or even particularly distressed, so therapists and psychiatrists tend to be unhelpful or generally dismissive, respectively.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103693

You claim apathy, yet you have manifested the will to try and identify solutions for yourself which, if genuine, contradicts your lack of enthusiasm for life.

If you have a diagnosis for a neurological disorder, it's no joke and therefore makes it difficult to arrive at a resolution over the internet. You already know that though, which leads me to believe you are seeking something else. I cannot possibly know what that is but your self-critique, determination, and intelligence (all rare gifts, let alone your interest in art) are to be admired, and they can be great tools for grasping a sense of purpose.

Often, people do not want to accept that although it is completely necessary, and human, to reach out to others for help in life, ultimately it takes deep self-reflection and therefore courage to get to the root of this feeling that is causing your detachment from reality. You don't have to be fearless, but you have to be brave. We all possess an inner voice that "guides us", and being totally honest with yourself by listening to that voice, even if it hurts, has the potential to start a new beginning.

You said you have taken art; I don't know if you are aware of the Kahlo painting where she portrays two versions of herself juxtaposed by time. Her change in clothing symbolizes the struggle she faced externally, many claim it's made to represent cultural growth following marital issues, but that's not what sticks with me. What captivates me is the emphasis of internal peace. The hemorrhaging begins to stain her attire, and it's only when she achieves serenity from within that the once-broken heart repairs, thus spawning resonance in both aspects of life… at least that's what I like to believe. Hope ya find your purpose soon enough OP.

Anonymous 103702

What creative thing did you love to do when you were a kid?
I loved to be on the computer, and sometimes creating content. For example, when I was like 12 I started making a music video to Weird Al's "Albuquerque" that was animated entirely with frames I created in MS Paint. I created like 100+ frames. More recently, I made a tutorial video on TikTok that has 11.5k views. I could get autistically obsessed with something like this if I didn't drink so much alcohol.
Honestly, I envy that drinking cold water is something you genuinely enjoy. I mean, I enjoy it too, but it really sticks out to me that you chose to include that in your OP.
What if you got autistically obsessed with beverages? Like spending a few months getting every kind of bottled and sparkling water you can get your hands on and journaling what you think about each one. Yeah, it's consumerist, but it's at least something, and it would be easy.

Anonymous 103703

try drugs

Anonymous 104134


Anonymous 104776



ghosting Anonymous 104662[Reply]

>what stages does the ghosted go through mentally?

>what results can I expect after 2 weeks, a month, 3 months, etc?
>best time to end ghosting?
>and others

>inb4 "you're a monster!!!"

I'm against ghosting but unfortunately desperate times call for desperate measures. I've had a friend for many years but overtime hes become a huge asshole and ingores communication to chill out. So, I do this as a very last attempt to make him get a grip. I have spent weeks telling him what's hurt me so once I do ghost him, he will know exactly why.
>t. I've been ghosted up to 2 years by friends and thats the reason I stopped being a dick myself. This guy is identicle to old me in every way. What my friends should of done different was tell me what pissed them off before ghosting me, so I applied lessons learned in this case.

By the way ghosting him for 1 week didn't do anything. So might go 3 months. Sincerely hope he is like me and will view it as a lesson.

He did get worried half way in though and texted my roomates if I was OK.

Anonymous 104758

Dude, why are you even trying? Just never respond again. His behavior is never going to change, if he can't respect basic communication then he's long gone.

Ghosting is fine. Anyone who freaks out about it needs a life outside of the internet. I ghost people for 2-6 weeks on the regular, with no notice. Why? because my life gets busy, and too many people message me for me to keep up with it.

You're an adult. Your friends are adults. You dont have to give someone all your time especially when they just need therapy or some bs instead.

Honestly youre being retarded trapping yourself into this mindset
"This guy is identical to old me in every way"

great, so the universe is showing you your same situation, but flipped, so you can act out how you should have been treated. But guess what? This guy isnt you, and he didnt respect any of what you said. He's not your responsibility, he needs to get it together. He will figure shit out on his own time, since I'm sure youre not the only person who has left. YOU CAN'T FIX HIS MINDSET. DON'T TORTURE YOURSELF WITH THIS. JUST BLOCK AND BE DONE WITH IT

The most likely scenario, is that his behaviors WILL NOT change, he will replace you with a new friend who enables his behaviors, and his cycle will continue. Just leave and be happy you didnt turn into him when you went through this yourself.

Anonymous 104759

You can't "ghost" for one week, you're just ignoring. Ghosting is cutting communication with an indefinite period of time.

That being said, as someone who gets ghosted often for no apparent reason, if someone is actually being an asshole to you? Ghosting is 100% valid. But I can't bring myself to do it even if someone is being mean to me. I am programmed to engage lmao.


i have completely set my life on a track i dont know how to come back from Anonymous 104701[Reply]

i talked with a guy who was telling me he loved me and hinting at a relationship for the past year, but never wanted to commit.
today he apologized for mistreating me and juggling two girls at once. apologized for having a different girl around when he was inviting me over.
its such a shit and complicated situation because i feel like we progressed way past the "just friends" point after the weird girl situation. and i really, really, really want him to commit to me. to what we have.

these are the terms i agreed on and i regret it terribly, but i'm so scared of losing what we have and what we were building for the past year or whatever. i know time doesn't really matter, but God i poured my heart and soul into this man. into hoping this would BE something.

> what i can offer you for now is: belief that i will not look around and a promise that when we're close (distance wise) you're the only one i will be having around, and i will not screw around because you are enough for me.

> BUT !! (literally wrote it like this.)
> i cannot promise you that i wont kiss some other girl drunk in a club
> OR
> that i randomly meet a girl and fall in love
> in both cases, if it happens, you will know

i asked him if there was space here that implies that in the near future we DO end up together. and his response?

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 104719


>that i randomly meet a girl and fall in love

He's literally telling you you're a second choice. A backup before someone "better" comes along. Run.

Anonymous 104724

Seconding this. he just wants as many options as possible so he can always have someone to fuck.

Anonymous 104725

Nona, in your current state of dependency, even if this were a healthy relationship (and you yourself know it is far from it) any romantic relationship puts you at great risk. A relationship should never be the only thing keeping you from drowning. You need to learn to swim first.

Screenshot 2023-08…

Comparison is the thief of joy Anonymous 103673[Reply]

How do I stop making myself miserable by comparing myself to other people?

For context: I woke up today feeling depressed, these days have become more often recently. By all measures my life is going fine but I can't stop comparing myself to other people. I have a lot of bad vivid memories of things I've done like a loop in my head. Things that really don't matter anymore or everyone has long forgotten about. Moments of awkwardness and being autistic when I was younger. I compare myself to everyone else and just wish I wasn't me, like I could start over.

What do I do to get out of this loop? I miss phone calls from people trying to get in touch and I'm just stuck.
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 104379

>I compare myself to who I was 1,2,5,10,20 years ago.
That's the trick. I can't wait to get older, because I know I'm getting better as time goes.

Anonymous 104382


But what if the rate of improvement is decreasing as well, such that you'll always be stuck behind an asymptote?

Anonymous 104392

That's the spirit, but I will add one little thing. Stop saying: "I can't wait til XYZ." Stop putting off your life for the future. I will elaborate more on this below.

In my final year of university, a guest speaker said: "you will rise to your level of mediocrity." Usually the quote is "you will rise to your level of incompetence," I like to think the choice of 'mediocrity' yields the following interpretation:

1. We humans are all limited to some degree
2. No matter how 'high' you are you'll always feel mediocre, so don't get hung up on it

When taken in a professional context, this is not such a worry (in many ways it's better than the incompetence outcome). I say this knowing full-well that some people are just better. But it doesn't bother me. Some people can cut an onion faster than I; this is nothing to lament over. Some people can predict quantum states of an ammonia molecule using fourier transforms, thus allowing them (and not I) to design masers; this too is nothing to cry home over. Both of these are specialised tasks; if anything I am more concerned that I would be unable to identify poisonous berries from safe ones.
In a spiritual context, I don't believe the asymptote is a worry either. This is because, I believe, all people are endowed with the same capacities in this dimension. Your asymptote is the same as mine as far as understanding our place(s) in the universe goes. I conjecture that reaching the asymptote dissolves the importance we put on the asymptote in the first place.
There is a super moon at the moment; if you can see it I implore you go outside to look, it's beautiful. Well, actually the moon is not beautiful at all; the beauty is constructed in my (your) mind. It took something like a super moon to remind me that beauty, humour, joy, grace, etc… are not out there in the world, but in here (I'm ponting to my head). In many ways it is pleasing to know that the abstraction of this asymptote is readily available to me; what an interesting way to view reality.
There's also a third way to dismiss this idea once and for all. $80 000 a year would be more than enough for me to live a life of high comfort. Let's say I get a lucrative job that gives me this ideal salary, and that there's roomPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 104393

You're assuming the one same scale to grade improvement. The whole point is you change, all the time, so you change how you measure yourself as time goes by. Otherwise I'd be stuck measuring myself by the desire I had some decades ago to be like one of my Barbies.

Anonymous 104706

Cut yourself off from vacuous social media. Anything where you can be just plastered with other people's presented lives and successes, that you'll subconsciously compare to then later feel bad. Focus on what you can do and do it


How do i get over being molested Anonymous 104638[Reply]

I was in a relationship when i was child by my live-in young adult cousin. He would finger me and i would moan really loudly (i don't actually know if i felt pleasure, it's very vague) and my siblings might have heard me but i'm not sure if my siblings hearing me actually happened, if it's true then it's really shameful, i just try not to think about it. He loved to grope my butt, and he would talk about how attractive my younger sister's butt was which was particularly concerning. He would get mad at me often for anything (like running out of breath when i was kissing him for a long time) and i would try to get him to not be mad at me by desperately talking to him. i would do anything he would say and i would often seek him and my parents didn't lie it. i would go into his room while everyone was asleep and he would make me masturbate him, if i didn't do it right he would make me leave. Sometimes he would get drunk and take my hand while a friend was in the room and he would put my hand on his penis. He was really attractive, and was dating another women at the time despite telling me that i was his gf, now when i run into that woman he was dating she gives me of pity and tells me everything will be alright. I would try to tell him that i didn't like him dating someone else and i would color pictures of my heart breaking but he would just mock me or wouldn't care.

He was my babysitter for 2 year, i'm not sure if he left first or if i told my therapist first but either way he was arrested, i assume. He came to my house years later when i was in my late teens and it started to grope him and he left for some reason. I was really depressed when i was a child after it happened but i didn't know why, i don't cringe when i remember him but i don't like that i happened the way it did. When i look at old family photos with me and him, i look so much younger than him, he knew me since i was a baby. I wish i could change how it happened, i just wasn't ready to do that, i feel like if it would have happened when i was older i could have made better decisions? I feel like maybe i should have used the situation to black mail him into staying with me, but it's too late now and it wouldn't be a good way to keep a relationship. I herd he attacked his wife (that woman he was dating) with a knife. I feel sorry for (i'm assuming) getting him into a sex offender registry. I don't miss him, but he was really attractive, i would have rather date him when i was older.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 104639

Oh yeah, and i've been going to therapy since it happened and it hasn't really helped.


/lcg/ - lescel general Anonymous 97708[Reply]

lesbians who are involuntarily celibate, post anything under this thread relating to your celibacy.


If you don't know what to reply with, you can answer these greentexts

>what was the first femcel/lescel community you joined?

>talk and/or vent about your celibacy.
>any crushes?
>what is your definition of lescel, or any kind of involuntary celibate label
>when did you first discover you were a lescel?
> do you think there is any hope for you, romantically? if so, why? if not, why?
>rant or vent about homophobia
>how old are you?
>how did you discover CC?
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
30 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103719

i hate being a lesbian so much. if i could just be straight or bi or whatever i would in heartbeat. i literally get asked out by guys probably like once a month yet finding a girl i am interested in who likes me back feels IMPOSSIBLE. it might just be the area im in but it feels like there are no gay girls at all where i live and dating apps are lierally just full of straight couples looking for a third. i don't see myself crawling out of this pit of lonliness for a long time, lesbianism feels hopeless

Anonymous 104494

being a lesbian is so fucking lonely. i kind of hate straight people for how easy they have it. it feels impossible i'll ever find someone who 1. is attracted to women 2. i like 3. likes me back. like the odds are so small, and i live in the middle of nowhere. i feel like i'm going to be alone forever. i'm a neet too

Anonymous 104615


I've reached a realization that my attraction to women isn't primarily driven by a desire for a romantic partner. Instead, it seems to stem from a subconscious need for the kind of affection and nurturing I didn't receive from my mother during my childhood. It's become apparent that my past relationships have mainly involved seeking out women who are older and more nurturing than me. Now, I'm feeling apprehensive about starting to date again, as I'm concerned that I might inadvertently end up wasting someone else's time.

Anonymous 104622


I'm sorry nona. Considering how most "lesbians" these days seem to be only TIMs or just virtue-signaling straight girls with an agenda, I can only imagine.

Anonymous 104627

I completely understand how you feel nona. there are no lesbians in my area, there are some bisexual girls but they’re those bi girls who only date men. It sucks how I get attention from guys often but never girls. I hate how I never got to experience love as a teenager because I was the only lesbian in my area whilst all of my straight friends all had boyfriends. I hope we’re both able to find someone who loves us, being lesbian hurts so much.

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