>>60681
and yet consistently loading the dishwasher for love is too much effort. I bet these lads just liked building palaces and going to war. if you actually got with Helen of Troy, in two years you would just be playing World of Tanks while she asks r/deadbeadrooms why you don't look at her that way anymore

>>60682
>if you actually got with Helen of Troy, in two years you would just be playing World of Tanks while she asks r/deadbeadrooms why you don't look at her that way anymore
kek

I used to be bright as a kid. Had potential. Until the bullying started, so I purposely tried to bring my academic performance down so other kids would leave me alone. And it all good for a few years until, well, now. I’m turning 20 in four months and I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I failed myself and my parents. It sounds so dramatic, but it’s what I believe. I don’t think I’m worth it. I’m only alive because I don’t want to upset my parents. I wanted to do so much when I was younger, but my life just went sideways.

>>60693
Ahhhh anon, you're only 20. I'm in my late twenties and basically only got my life together last year. Doesn't mean it isn't unfair that you now have to spend a lot of time and effort recovering from damage caused by other people, but I really think you can do it and it's not as hopeless as it seems. You're stressed out and probably still don't have a community around you that supports your growth, I know it's really hard to just reorient yourself and find a direction starting from what feels like nothing, and it may take a few attempts, but try to find things you want to learn and get better at and people who you can share and connect with. Doesn't have to be in academia, projects of your own will teach you more, and if you keep your eyes open for opportunities, you can build a career even outside formal credentials.

Fiance just left to catch a plane to go see his family after a grandparent died and another is in a coma. Yes I want him to be there for his family but I feel selfish for feeling so fucking sad about it.
A few days from now was our anniversary and we had huge plans for it and plans through the rest of the month and now it’s gone and I’m alone and I don’t even know for how long I’ll be alone.
Would have been nice to go to support him but too fucking bad his family has some weird vendetta against me and I would have been berated with high school level passive aggressive bullshit and overhear his father guilt tripping him to move back into their house despite him being an actual adult with a life and responsibilities.

My bestie just got engaged and I am her maid of honor. What am I in for?

>>59130
Buying all the booze

>>56056
>Do you want to get married?
Yes, to the love of my life!
>If so, what's your dream wedding?
Honestly, just in a cathedral. I am looking more forward to the marriage rather than the wedding itself tho
>Who would you invite?
just my family and his family
>What wedding dress would you wear?
something that feels comfortable and makes me look pretty
>What theme would you do?
regular catholic wedding, but with more flowers (warm reds and oranges)

i dont think too much about weddings, i have been more focused on just being with the person i love and growing old on our small home in the middle of a forest with my kids and large family dog. That is what i am looking forward to the most, god willing.

>Do you want to get married?
Yes! Someday with a nice guy.
>If so, what's your dream wedding?
A simple one.
>Who would you invite?
Just close friends and family, I hate the idea of a lot of people.
>What wedding dress would you wear?
I think something like Grace from Ready or Not. Simple dress with all star sounds very cute.
>What theme would you do?
I really don't know, but I despite the idea of regular weddings.

My on and off scrote came back to me realizing his aspie tier hangups did nothing but destroy the (otherwise perfect) relationship and he wants is to be formally engaged again and get married within the next few mos if not asap. I can get whatever I want for the wedding but I don't really want anything. I just want a Vivienne Westwood cocotte dress and my kitchen updated. I wouldn't invite anyone but my grandmas, dad, great GMA, and mom

Today is a better day but … The game is a little too calculated, he's eventually going to slip up, that smooth criminal. Anyways, I'm cool for the summer!

I know it's mixed but I cut myself for the first time in a while and all my overbearing negative thoughts are gone. I'm being productive and helping myself today, it's a good start. I want to maintain it.

i have a callback interview this week !! im v nervous and im afraid i wont pass the drug test if they give me one heh but im excited to start potentially makin some cabbage :3

Watching Kylie Minogue Aphrodite concert in London on the tv. It's so beautiful with the costumes, Greek themes and music. She is so sensual. I now understand her popularity in Australia and Europe.

Today I made my bed, ate properly, learned an easy classical piece on piano and worked out. Some place called me back for a job interview next week too. I'm gonna watch Kiki's Delivery Service later tonight with a fresh fruit bowl, and maybe read before bed. I haven't read for leisure in over a year. Depression has always beat my ass during the summer and I know I'll be back to crying in bed all day tomorrow, but today was a small victory.

>>58172
>has sex with me 4-6 times a day
That seems like an awful lot of time out of every day, though.

It's too late to try new things, let alone actually change things. I should have my life together rn but I don't and there's a point where you draw the line and the future depends on what you have done until now. I feel like shit.

>>58180
>>58180
why can't you change things?

i just want to move on from being hopeful that my ex will change. its only been 3 weeks since i moved out and we ended things but im struggling to focus on myself again (i was doing good for a bit) i just want to be successful and worthy. i hope he gets better but will most likely just fail like he deserves

An old acquaintance wants to reconnect suddenly and I'm not sure what to do. I always complain that I don't have friends but this girl is a bit…overbearing. We used to hang out more than 10 years ago because of a mutual hobby and gradually lost contact, she was nice and all but we don't have all that much in common anymore. Last time she wanted to reconnect she ended up blowing up my phone too many times. Maybe I'm the one in the wrong and I don't want to be rude, but I need a lot of space and don't feel comfortable when my attention is required so often.

I have been having homicidal thoughts every day since I was 14 and I don't think I can talk to anybody about it. I know I'm not just a psychopath because I wasn't like this as a kid. It didn't start until my household became extremely violent. I don't know if it's normal or not.

I'm not that different from her
Which part of me is wrong and not good enough
I wish I could have been born a normie and could just stop hating myself

>>56352
Love is expressed in many forms, anon.
What you feel and what you're describing are just two different forms.

When I fall for people, it's never that head-over-heels mushy stuff. For the lack of a better word, love feels like a sort of possessiveness. Like I don't constantly think of the person i'm with, but just them being around me, and not free for someone else to take makes me happy enough.

You'd clearly be crushed if you two weren't together, and to my knowledge the relationship had a good, non-abusive start. i'd call that love if i've ever seen it.

But you know yourself the best, and if you genuinely feel like it's not working then don't hesitate. From the outside however,

Tl;dr: You're just as valid even if you feel that you're not as openly affectionate as other people.

Navigating this really complicated friendship and more under so much strain for the both of us has been incredibly difficult but today, my friend and I had a break-through of sorts. I feel like we're finding a new normal and we have both worked and tried so hard to see it through despite all our hang-ups and hardships. It's been an emotional rollercoaster but we've been showing up consistently for each other and taking it one day at a time and focusing on the positives and prioritizing each other's well-being. I strongly challenged some of his mental troubles the other day which was an intense and uncomfortable ordeal but he has rewarded it today and said that he appreciates it. I love my friend from the bottom of my heart.

>>56364
Such thoughts are not normal, but not putting them into reality in any way is the more important part. Still, it's something to talk with a therapist

>>54443
Do you feel bad for having mean thoughts? If the answer is yes then it means that you aren't a terrible person. Almost everyone has bad thoughts when they are under stress or angry. It's up to you to use those bad feelings in a positive way. I like to do HIIT and Cardio which lets me let all of those negative feelings out while doing something productive.

>>54443
heal yourself with an asian gf

>>54447
we're not white guys lol

>>54085
Slow as heck response, sorry anon.
Got quarantined and that really spun me out.
Never got around to saying thank you for the pep talk anon.
I was in a really crummy headspace, but you did help me with it. Thank you.


As for the music, yeah.
It just feels like its not a safe thing to do, you know?
It helps me cope when I'm on the train, or the bus, but you're meant to be aware of your surroundings.
Though not being aware of them is exactly the point of music in that instance.
I'm just glad I've been lucky enough it's not been an issue I suppose.

1. Dreamt Whoopi Goldberg pitched an idea for a movie: Friday the 13th, but with vegetarians (or a vegetarian version of Friday the 13th) and people loved it.

2. I think I just came across a guy who looked 80% - 90% like Stephen King, so my repressed nerdgasm converted my words to a semi-awkward mess.

>>51537
A bit of a late reply, sorry. Hope you're still around to read it.
The university as an institution puts a lot of time and money towards stuff like diversity initiatives, women in [insert field here], LGBTQ+ resources, anti-racism, "latinx," programs targeting African Americans, etc. The daily emails they send out, every single day, have at least two links to social justice initiatives, and the institution has a completely unashamed leftist bias.
As far as individual professors, it really depends. I'm a liberal arts student, so a fair amount of my profs are into that stuff. I had one talk about whether a certain article would be "triggering" the other day, and a lot of the stuff I have to read for other classes is based in critical theory, which is annoying because that stuff is garbage to start with, and as soon as a prof starts assigning those sorts of articles, I lose all respect for them and the class and it becomes a major chore to do the assignments. But I also have a couple of really awesome professors who aren't into that stuff at all and can still deliver really high-quality courses despite the school's institute-level bias. Interestingly, the good professors are the ones not from America. My two favorites are both Eastern Europeans.
I say it will only get worse because with every little event that happens, they add more and more programs to "address systemic racism" or what have you. Some of it is just lip-service, I'm sure, so they can say they tried to make a change, but there are also substantial changes in what course material is promoted and which courses are offered, and those changes are invariably in favor of social justice or leftist causes. For instance, my school sent a survey out about whether it was diverse/inclusive/representative enough and how they could change course offerings to be more so.
For the most part you can choose what you actively engage in and which courses you register for and which profs you take, so it's possible to avoid the worst of it, but it's in the water so to speak, so it's hard to entirely get away from it. But it also likely depends a lot on the school. Maybe mine is on the more extreme end of things. You would be hard-pressed to find a university that denounces social justice, though.

>The good:
I don’t know but I made a new friend called YouTube and it helps me tremendously with my work.
>The bad:
Too much work, some of my teachers hand out ridiculously difficult tutorial questions, some teachers making everyone buy/use their book for the course, group work (I have no friends), oral presentations, commuting, never any spots in the library or computer pools, people being noisy in the “quiet” end of the library.

>>52212
I kind of get the feeling that all the blind raged hardcore leftism in unis is nothing but actual deeply conservative right wing ideals promoted trough mental gymnastics as "left" (horseshoe theory makes that surprisingly easy) so the upper class can keep the actual systemic racism (more like tribalism) they always had firmly in place regardless of social norms and the idiot majority actually buys that (maybe because it also benefits them).
I have never seen such a brutally dense bourgeois and "privileged" white suburb community anywhere else outside my university. No where else. I'm living in a country that isn't overly separating when it comes to social status or skin color and initially we don't even have that "race" thing going on outside of absolute poverty or absolute wealth and in those circles its less about race but more about heritage in general (you may be from the same race but the wrong tribe/family/clan so you are shit anyway).
But on the campus, for gods sake. I'm already chalksnow the pale ghost of bleachbath levels of white but I could feel the last remnants of melanin getting squeezed out of my body by the accumulated whiteness in that room (minus the one literal brown hijab token girl in a wheelchair and a few others, I shit you not) on my first lecture. And exactly those people who are pretty obviously not so fond of that magical divers community preach about it the most. I mean its really hard to gather such a homogeneous crowd in such a big city here, you have to put work into that but there they are. Most funny thing is I wouldn't even have noticed that trough my original socialization because as I said, no one really gave a fuck, it just struck me because the first words in the first lecture were already a litany of how bad da wipipu are, preached by a white guy to a room full of white people with a handful of more and more uneasy looking brown tokens dying in obvious external shame and wondering what crazy shit they got into. I'm loosely acquainted with one of the few Africans here and she told me that what made her most uneasy is that she came here because in her country of origin people have a giant boner for skin color and that makes things different from time to time and now they start the same shit here. Putting such an emphasize on complexion that literally everywhere she goes her obvious heritage is what she has to talk abouPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

i have a genuine interest in medicine but fuck if i'm actually going to be able to whole-heartedly study it in the future lol. i was a depressed retard in hs and never studied and didn't care about my grades and never applied to any good colleges because of it, so i've been working through this pharm tech program for the past few months but i'm legitimately scared it's not going to get my anywhere. i'm almost 6 weeks away from being done and i just have a pit in my stomach that i've wasted all this time and money for books and getting my license and taking the tests and going on an externship only to bum around for months or years because i can't get hired anywhere. it's ultimately my end game to move the fuck out and into institutional pharmacy for better pay and to get my foot in the door for real education about medicine, but given my track record with school i feel like that's just a pipe dream. sigh.

>>54302
I'm a recent grad in Microbiology and had similar fears to you. I was a really shitty student in both high school and college, like 2.7 GPA shitty. Despite that I got into a healthcare career that pays well enough and encompasses my interests because I had work experience on campus that was somewhat related and they asked for a degree instead of my transcripts. Now I'm doing fairly well at my job. I know it's a college student thread, but just wanted to post so folks like you know to not give up. All that matters is having that degree and taking on work and volunteer opportunities in the life sciences departments of your school. I'm not even sure if the latter is required but it definitely helps.

>>50974
if you are not disfigured like a burn victim or something I highly doubt it

im so lost on a career path. i plan to attend college again in fall but just to finish up my associates. im recently 20 and live with my bf as a neet. i help a lot around the house and with our kitties and use my savings when needed, i even applied for a job and had a wonderful interview but got no call back… yet? i have a lot of hobbies and skills and dreams but half the time i work on them and the other half i put myself down because i just feel like its useless. ultimately i want to be a housewife (“neet”) and sell stuff on etsy like things i make, so i can help out but still do something i love.

clearly this is stupid though. because how sufficient is it really? i want an education and love to learn, i have a couple of real career ideas but i dont want the fulltime job associated with it and i dont know if itd make me happy. i see a lot of girls nowaday able to attain the life i want but when it comes to me, i dont feel good enough. i dont push myself and get my art and creations out there because im terrified.

i dont know what path to take and im overwhelmed and depressed. i want to throw my hobbies away at this point. do i work part time? or find a decent career and pursue college?

im sorry i sound insane but im struggling. i have no clue what to do. should i just go for it with my shops instead of spending months and months planning? and what the hell do i do now to help for my future? i want to be happy. and before lately i was happy for many reasons, i have my ideal life minus the successful art and shop stuff. but now i feel foolish.

>>50995

Sounds like my life. I was recently given the opportunity to work at a law firm on case management, and I always feel like I should have an adult full-time job because everyone else my age has one. However, without more education, I can't get a job that I would really enjoy. I think I'd rather take advantage of my situation and take my time trying new things and seeing where my hobbies take me. My insecurity makes me think I should have an adult full-time job, but the truth probably is that if I did have one, I wouldn't be satisfied and would be longing for the free time I have now. I worry about being middle-aged and still in this state, but if I didn't worry and trusted myself, I'd probably find a path somehow, but I have a habit of not knowing what to do or worrying and doing nothing. I think most people trust their instincts and even if they make mistakes things still work out really well for them because the rest of the world still admires people who try to and fail more than those who are too scared to develop their lives and interests.

Maybe you should find a part-time job. My boyfriend has money, but just being able to have my own money to spend how I want without feeling guilty is really freeing and now I can buy whatever I want to make daily life less burdensome. Also, more importantly, just having regularity, responsibility, and being a part of something in the real world is really good for my mental health. You'll be able to focus so much better on your projects because you'll fear failure much less because you're entire life won't be dependent on the success or failure of something that is supposed to be enjoyable.

I've never had a valentine.

Ok ya all moids are stinky and gross but the guy I've liked for a really long time has just completely disappointed me (they like me too),, He used to be super clean and organized, always wore nice clean clothes that looked good, wore nice clean shoes, showered once a day and his hair was always nicely done. IDK what the hell happened but now all he does is wear the same 3 pairs of jeans from the thrift store (nothing against that, but theyre so fucking worn out and it looks like he hasnt washed them in over half a year, same thing with his shirts). His hair is extremely ungroomed, reaching his shoulders now and dirty as hell, literal dandruff flakes everywhere. His coats are absolute trash too. Hes really attractive though so it breaks my heart to see him let go of himself in this way. Whenever we go out to hangout, i always go all out and make myself super pretty since its like a date, but he puts absolutely no effort and its so disappointing it's like a lack of respect to me, imagine going on a date and your date shows up looking literally homeless and stinky and ughh.. God and i also noticed his dental hygiene is crappy too. I tried taking him shopping but that didnt work out. How do i nicely ask him to take better care of himself, and to try a bit better when we go out on hangout dates without sounding like an asshole?? its seriously a huge turnoff im in love with his personality but i just cant overlook this its getting gross :\

>>47484
That's a fair take on stoicism, I'd say it's to minimize the effect the world has on you, focusing primarily on how you display the world's effects on you. Simply put stoicism is to seem and be unaffected by the external forces.

>>47496
And here I thought it was the other way around, regardless of your thoughts on philosophy you still live your life by one. Just cause you haven't codified it doesn't mean you don't partake. Though I get what you mean, partake as in as contribution and consumption of the literature.

I used to be incredibly needy, emotionally expressive and focused on creature comforts, but in high school, right around the time of the GFC, I became homeless. Even though it wasn't even for a whole year, it really changed me fundamentally.

Crying didn't help, and I couldn't spill my guts for emotional catharsis. Stoicism just became the most useful way to go about things. I couldn't control anything around me, but at least I could control the way I felt and reacted. It also made me safer, less vulnerable and more able to be aggressive.

I definitely became far less focused on most comforts, stripping it all down to the essentials. I was lucky enough to have someone who looked out for me and taught me how to get by, and he convinced me to keep only the essentials and treat it like I was playing a horror survival game. I sold most of the things I'd packed, wore men's clothes, threw away anything I could get easily elsewhere. When I was finally living normally again, I just plain didn't accumulate the sheer amount of objects I did before. Having 6 pillows with matching cases just didn't make me happy, and I could get by with a single shelf of items, so I never bought the desk, dresser, drawers and wardrobe I thought I needed before.

Conversely I became absolutely fixated on immediate pleasures and would impulse buy junk food and useless shit that I'd never even consider wasting my money on before. It completely wrecked my willpower and even now I sometimes can't stop myself from buying something sweet, salty or alcoholic I don't need.

>>47574
How did you become homeless at that age?

Why yes I have read siege thank you.

>>47421
>I used to have horrible self-control with food and masturbation
Same for masturbation, I used to do it several times a day when I was a teenager NEET (i guess hormones and boredom played an important part in this). Now I only do it several times a week. But sometimes, I will have an urge to coom coming randomly during the day, often while at work, and I won't be able to focus until I get off. It's really annoying. I avoid wearing thight pants for this reason,the seam between the legs rubs against my loins all day long and it makes those urges more likely to happen.

Did you managed to fight those urges? The only possible way to get rid of them, in my mind, would be exercising.

>>47440
It's not necessarily being weak-minded, it's probably that experience made you learn that it's more profitable for you to live this way. A bit like why broke people spend quickly the small amount of money they have instead of saving.

>>47325
I had only heard of NEETs and shut ins before, but the hikikomori description also applies to me.
Kind of wary to send you a request, as I never talk to anyone online. Should I? I don't even play games anymore. No idea about what we could have in common tbh.

I hope it gets better for you anyways. I'm also at a similar situation, i just don't know what to do with people's attention; can't keep a conversation going or started.

>>47332
wow thanks soo much for being a nice poster anon!!

I think you should know that unless the community you join is using true incel talk like "looksmaxxing" and all that stupid shit it could just mean they are meming but I know what it is like out there.
For some reason incel stuff is everywhere.
Incels are failed normies.

You will make a friend eventually I have met the most autistic girls as in mid functioning full spergs and even they managed to make friends.

>>47333
hikikomori is a shut in.

look at what youre really interested in/do on the regular basis. Do you watch movies all day? Why not join some movie forum and discuss about them. Do you like music? Why not pick up an instrument or become a music critic? Do you like fighting for justice? Why not join a group that advocates for this and that. But also know making friends as adults is hard and has more luck involved. I too want friends but its really hard.

As someone who also didn't have friends for a long time because I missed out on socializing as a child, I can say to you that it's definitely possible to make friends as an adult, but getting started is the most difficult part. Because if you have friends who you like you can easily meet new people through them. But if you don't have any friends at all it can be kinda difficult. First of all, stop searching online, as people before me already stated, most people won't get really close with people they only know online. Instead try joining a club or going to an event with likeminded people. For example I met some really cool people at a jam session in a bar and started hanging out with them occasionally. Another advice I would give you is dont be shy. I know it's easier said than done but you just have to force yourself to get out of your comfort zone, drink some alcohol if that helps you. Don't wait for the others to start a conversation, most people already have many friends and probably won't even notice you. Start talking to them, just be yourself. You can even say something like "Hey I'm trying to find some more people who are also into subject of the club or event you're at, what is your name?" most people are actually nice and interested in meeting new people. And even if they're not: fuck them and talk to somebody else. Whenever I feel too socially awkward I just try to pretend that they are just Npcs in a game and you're not afraid to talk to those, aren't you? ;) Good luck to you and I hope you will make some friends!

>>47255
As someone who had to learn social skills from scratch as a late teenager, I can say the thing that worked for me is treating socialising like you're playing an RPG. You have to be mindful that when you say specific things, or encounter people in specific situations, you'll get specific responses. You also have to grind for XP in areas such as music, TV, and sports (which isn't fun) so you have enough small talk to have with strangers. If you pass the small talk speech check, you unlock new speech options about deeper topics. Most of all, you need to start side quests by going out of your way to join hobby clubs or talk with people outside work/school. Be sure to say hi to people you see regularly or compliment them every now and then. Remember that your best bet is to talk to real human beings, not loners on the internet. The people you surround yourself with leave an imprint on you.