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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

bechdel_test_-_the…

"You Are Your Own Voyeur" Anonymous 117450[Reply]

after seeing all the pick me threads, I think it begs the question, is it possible for women to separate themselves from the need for male validation (however abstract or literal that is) and seeing things in terms of that intrasexual competition (aka girl on girl violence)?

what does it take to coexist with men but not be "of the man's world" or living for it/them?
15 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 117876

>>117870
That's really not how creative work, works though. There are one hit wonders. And then there are David Bowie's who just know how to sniff out shitty men before they get started. My god so many women are horrible at this because they're subconciously brainwashed to look for popular qualities in men that smart women find deeply off-putting. For example enshrining masculinity. Yeah a lot of women only suffer men because they are trying to settle, but its no different than being oblivious.

Anonymous 117878

>>117856
But its pretty universally well-known that half the population gets into bad, poorly thought out relationships the first time. Half of all marriages end in divorce. A lot of people find people they're really compatible with the second time around.

How anyone still talks about "not being picked" is hilarious to me. That's just not how it works.

Either way though, to me, relationships with men are a massive loss of freedom to me. Having children with one would be even worse. Its not like you're really losing a whole lot if you don't get married. You win if you get into one you actually enjoy, you win if you dont. There is too much to soak up and enjoy in life without a man.

Anonymous 117879

>>117878
Honestly what gets me most, is how much men seem hellbent on convincing you to be unhappy, to be negative about yourself and the things you enjoy, to be negative about your prospects, to be negative about life. They suck the joy out of everthing when you actually have to live around them.

Anonymous 117881

>>117879
>>117878
you talk and focus on this so much it makes me think youre lying tbh. are you really that much happier that you arent involved with a man? have you really become fully convinced your life would never be enhanced by one and that the "right man" doesnt exist?

Anonymous 117887

>>117881
I am not the second poster.

I dont care whether the right man does or doesn't exist i dont want my peace and solitude disrupted. If I DID find someone that worked out for me great but im not fussing about it. People who strain to tell you how unhappy you are because you can't be bothered are mentally ill.



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my bf watches SA porn Anonymous 117618[Reply]

I have been raped 2 times in my life, and SA another 2 times. My BF helped me to get through a couple of those, i really thought he was the only non-evil man in existence.
Recently i noticed that he follows porn accounts that post rape fantasies…
What should i do?, i'm so tired… I'm sorry if I don't post more about my thoughts on the situation, I just don't know what to think.
12 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 117854

>>117661
Stay off men forever

Anonymous 117855

>>117852
They will lie and hide all of their porn from you for the first 2 years. Good luck with that.

Anonymous 117857

>>117855
i mean there are multiple stories of kinky women who are upset at how vanilla and boring their men are

Anonymous 117858

>>117857
Whats this got to do with the OP? If you don't know you're girlfriend well enough to distinguish that after two years you're a god damn retard

God shut the fuck up scrote

Anonymous 117861

>>117858
??? im not a scrote, im just telling OP that she shouldnt lose hope in case she ever wants to try dating again. shes young. she has her entire life ahead of her, she might not want to date the next few years but if she ever decides to try it again 10 years from now i just dont want her to think that all men will have this awful trait that her ex did. but if she wants to stay single for the rest of her life or just a very long time (like im also doing) then i also think thats a valid choice to make.



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Qt Partner Thread Anonymous 37674[Reply]

Greentext traits and how lovely your partner is
486 posts and 84 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 115106

>>114927
he looks like a pixar cartoon

Anonymous 116690

>retarded
>ginger
>wears glasses sometimes
>normal height
>cries on his own time if i'm upset
>brown eyes
>can eat 3 big macs

Anonymous 116707

>ambitious but not judgy in the least
>affectionate, caring, doting
>loves PDA, always wants to touch, when we're eating he's holding his leg against mine under the table, never pushy about it though
>beautiful angelic model face, long straight hair, dresses well but doesn't try too hard, always well-groomed
>an inch shorter than me but doesn't mind that i'm taller, loves when i wear heels because he benefits from me looking sexy
>calm, patient, confident
>well-educated, has come very far in life
>plans out his life with me in mind
>shows me off to family and friends, open about wanting me to be his life partner
>has cats, takes their care very seriously, teaches them tricks
>extremely clean, tidies up after me without mentioning it
>polite and mature but a bit more loose with his friends
>mostly friends with couples, has no single female friends
>compliments my personality and looks in ways that make me feel really seen and appreciated
>calls me cute pet names
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Anonymous 117789

>>37674
s he is not my partner (yet?) but I want to tell this to someone
pls pray for me

>I put my fingers in my ears when loud noise

>he noticed it is my tism and puts his hands on my ears whenever this happened
>had an almost-meltdown
>he took my hand and calmed me down

>we went to a store and he put back anything he tried on neatly and to the correct place

>he treats clerks and staff so, so kindly
>never trashtalks anyone

>hot and cute and his eyes are jewels ffs

>we had sex and he went down on me multiple times
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Anonymous 117908

>normal height
>has really nice proportions and amazing legs
>shiny dark hair. Long eyelashes. Eyes look like tiny cresent moons when he smiles.
>latino. Has a nice accent.
>genuine and sweet
>emotionally intelligent
>fiercely protective
>loyal
>cute round butt
>hard worker and provider
>loves my cat just as much as I do
>best of all, blessed me with a baby girl



eotu.jpg

Its not fair Anonymous 117833[Reply]

When you find a cute bugpilled mantismaxxed chuddie but he says he only wants women who can birth at least 20 pervasive children a day.

EotU ruined an entire generation of males.


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I have nowhere else to talk about this Anonymous 116030[Reply]

My cat gave birth this morning and her only child is deformed, I think it's a premature birth. I'm so creeped out, it looks weird, like a small mass is bulging out between his eyes. I feel horrible for my kitty.
>Inb4 why isn't she neutered?
I cannot possibly afford that sort of procedure, broke college student and all, I never thought of taking her to a vet for that anyway, she is always at home, she didn't even go through a "heat" phase as much as I'm concerned, idk when it happened, but a few months ago she would escape at night and I wouldn't find her until the next morning.
At first I felt neutral about it, bc she wasn't breastfeeding her son, I thought animals sometimes reject their deformed or I'll young, heck, I've even seen mother cats eat their own litter if they're born ill, it's their nature, their instinct, I can't possibly judge them by human standards for it, I have made peace with it, whatever. I was ready for my cat to hate her son.
But she didn't
It's fucking breaking my heart, she keeps coming back to check on him. She wants me to help her feed him, she pushes him towards me to pick up then lies on her side and lifts her hind leg, indicating she wants him to feed. But he won't. He can barely breathe, he will die sooner or later and it breaks my heart that his mom actually cares. She's a small cat, she's only 10 months old. She's always been the sweetest, most gentle girl. I've raised her since she was practically a few weeks old. Her mom was my sister's pet. It hurts to see her so distressed, so scared and confused. I almost wish she’d rejected her child, that'd have made it easier for both of us, however selfish that may sound, that cat is already dead, there's no doubt about it.
Why was it only one cat? Don't cat usually give birth to 4 or so cats at a time? I don't understand anything
10 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 117438

>>116061
You sound like a moid because of your lack of empathy for other living things. Get the fuck out of the thread retard.

Anonymous 117461

>>117438
>empathy for other living things
I bet you aren't vegan, so it's not you like feel empathy for all living things as well

Anonymous 117735

>>116030
I'm so sorry, anony. For you and your kitty and her baby :( She sounds so sweet. It's been a month - do you have any updates?

Anonymous 117813

>>117438
She only suggested that anon put the deformed thing out of its misery because of her empathy for it. Your response is confusing.

Anonymous 117819

IMG_20240616_08224…

>>117735
My kitty is doing fine now, she's back to her healthy playful self, just less clingy. I really could have sworn she was grieving at first, like for a few days after she long her baby she would repeatedly meow and search around where he was born under the bed and she was more clingy than usual, purring anxiously. Now she's healthy and fine



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Did I make a mistake? Anonymous 117644[Reply]

Hello nonas

I am curious if any of this sounds like avoidant attachment or ROCD on my end, or if I was justified in the break up?

I recently broke up with a boyfriend because I didn't want to date long distance. We had met online and in person a few times. I liked him a lot but I was adamant at the start that I didn't want an LDR, but we still kept talking and all that for a few months.

I was happy to accept all his attention and friendship but in my head I was always looking for reasons why he wouldn't be right for me. I never told him about these, because I never felt like our relationship was serious or real enough. I was looking for "red flags" and even found some, and I didn't like that I wasn't spending enough irl time with him to actually get to know him.

Apparently the whole time he had considered me to be his girlfriend. He told me he loved me the first time we met up (after only talking for a few months) I found this strange but told him I would keep talking to him. We kept talking and calling for a few months and he came to see me again. I had a good time but the whole trip I was looking for reasons to break up with him. I broke up with him after he had gone back home, saying the distance was too much for me.

I had been crying and upset before I even told him, and I was crying for a week after the break up. It's been over a month and I still feel bad about it. All those thoughts I had about him not being right are all gone. I miss his comfort and our compatibility, maybe our potential? even though I know that the LDR wasn't and wouldn't ever be enough for me.

I have had past experiences with avoidant behaviors and want to work on this. Still, I felt I pushed myself pretty far during this relationship. I have never gotten this far with a guy because either he or I always shut it down, because I either got cold feet or some other kind of anxious breakdown. Now I cannot stop blaming myself for having had a "this won't go anywhere" mindset the whole time, for not being honest with him, for not trying harder or for longer, for not giving him a real chance. I can't stop thinking about him, dreaming about him, looking through our past messages, and trying to "stalk" him on social media. I feel like an insane person.

I feel like I ruined a chance at true love and a good relationship.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 117657

>>117655
Thats the thing, I'm trying to figure out what I'm meant to learn from this. What if I get this way with someone I really want to be with one day? What if I can't escape the thought patterns? What if the lesson is that I should go back to him and make it work? I'm looking into therapy and stuff right now but mostly I just feel confused.

Anonymous 117665

>>117644
OH
What if he was my soulmate?

Anonymous 117675

You didn't make a mistake. You set out to grief the relationship and ended up getting exactly what you wanted, I noticed in your story you didn't mention anything about trying to make your LDR a full time in person one. Weird considering the only issue apparently is LDR and everything else tells me you really liked the guy.

>If I do move on, how do I stay mindful of my bad habits?

I feel like this is your real question. Accept that you're mentally ill and work to change. Otherwise you'll just keep being your own worst enemy.

Anonymous 117683

>>117675
We did talk about it and we came to the conclusion that any possible chance of moving to live close to each other was 4-5 years away. Niether of us have flexible jobs nor the money to relocate. I hated the idea of continuing to date long distance and then everything going sour after one of us uproots their entire lives for the other

Anonymous 117788

>>117644
Ope nevermind. He moved on right away to the next girl after me. This always fucking happens



ganbarenakamura.jp…

How do I suck it up and move on? Anonymous 117785[Reply]

My sister's friend came to stay over. Before I knew it I had a massive crush on her. She left to go back to where she lives and I've felt empty ever since. I've never met anyone before her who made me feel romantic feelings. She's genuinely incredibly funny and creative. I'm a useless barely ex- hikki so I just don't know how to cope. I don't want to tell my parents because they're strict and my friends are only online and not close. Being like this feels so isolating. I know she's bi but she goes to art school so she's surrounded by unique people. If she wanted a relationship she'd probably be in one by now. I genuinely cry so many times during the day because of it. Even if we weren't dating, just seeing her would be enough, but…


57F07597-257A-43F1…

Positivity. Anonymous 116556[Reply]

Share any positive feelings or positive things.

Garden your soul garden.
Every focus is infinite multiverses.
Keep watering the ideas/plants that make you feel the loveliest love


Here’s a thing that has made me feel so good and is important to me:
Thousands of Polska girls and Belarus girls are covering my NorthAmerican city with graffiti. They’ve somehow clearly gotten the idea to all become collectively like a splatoon. It has changed the energy immensely and really improved the omnipresent feminism quality~level vibe. These girls have religions about ancient euro queens and it really shows, lots of ethereal stuff.. I see so many soulful girls are more comfortable loitering around and making anywhere a party! That’s SO important! Sovl

Anonymous 116708

My favorite places are forests next to bodies of water. The water makes the most beautiful colors reflecting the sky and trees, especially at sunset. It's not hot out anymore and the air smells nice now that the seasons are changing.
>>116556
That sounds lovely, I wish you could post a picture. Every city should be like that.

Anonymous 117772

GZnI9pAXYAk-XYH.jp…

I was going to make a gratitude thread because I didn't initially see one but I saw this thread so I'll bump it.

I am happy to finally have a pay raise. It feels nice to being paid a reasonable rate.
It's so nice to spoil myself, I got myself a nice dinner and a cute new outfit with shoes. There was so many things I kept putting off because I couldn't afford it.
I am also going to be getting new glasses and its the first time in 5 years, I need it, I am blind. I just could never get the money saved up because there was always a random expense that would pop up. I had no savings, I was literally paycheck to paycheck.

People who are against high minimum wage are beyond stupid and evil.



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Not fit to be in a relationship Anonymous 117388[Reply]

I'm really bad at getting my thoughts out but basically I was in this 4 year trainwreck of a relationship with a fucking retard. He was really affectionate at first but as time went on he just started behaving worse and worse with me, down to straight up not showing up on dates leaving me ghosted on the spot and other similar shit.
I have this problem were I'm too much of a romantic, I wanna dedicate myself to someone I love until I burn out but after speaking to my best friend about my relationship and my way of thinking she slapped me and told me that my way of acting isn't viable and the relationship of what I'm looking for is something exclusively in anime.
She's not wrong but regardless it feels so dumb to me, maybe because I'm childish. Why do people not want someone who's willing to be their darling until the end? It always either derails into being taken advantage of or it simply not working out. I hate this or maybe I should hate myself more for bordering on almost comically being a yandere
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 117430

>>117401
>the retard left me in the middle of a date to go hang out with his retard friends
He did this to me MULTIPLE times and I fucking forgave him even on a special occasion. His worst offense was before the break up when he suddenly went missing for an entire day and he didn't text me shit later at 1 am he sent me a pic of his new gaming PC and was bitching about not tweaking it properly. I got fucking ghosted over a PC I can't believe this retard and DESPITE ALL THAT I still forgave him but I just had enough. Last month he lashed out at me and I couldn't take the implications of what he said in there, I broke up with him and didn't look back. I'm retarded either way because I still grieve over him, deep down I still love him and if he apologized I would let him back into my life. Sadly life isn't like my animes, abusive relationships are actually fucked up and people like him NEVER apologize (I can't believe I let that slide for 2 years).
Darn it.

Anonymous 117453

>>117430

i feel you on that. i definitely tend to romanticize toxicity, but that just enables men's worst behaviors. i still yearn for my most toxic ex. it's normal. just please don't let him back into your life.

Anonymous 117454

>>117453
Don't worry about that, it has been 3 weeks since I completely cut him off. I have zero intentions of re-establishing contact and so does he because he didn't even message me asking to start talking to me again after this outburst (the times he pulled shit like this he would incessantly call me or text me ORDERING me to come back, the fucker).

Things haven't been any better. Life really hates me because my second actual best friend betrayed me just today, we treated each other like sisters for years and yet she decided to destroy our relationship by choosing to be a sexual deviant and hedonistic over me. I treated her as a sister and she threw me aside just like him, I fucking have a talent for associating with freaks. I've been crying for half the day I used to look up to her and she decides to like reveal her true colors…

My sanity is exclusively hinging on my actual only bestie, she is probably the only person that is well-meaning in my life currently even after telling me off, frankly she was right on the money because she said multiple times that I should had blocked him a year ago.

Anonymous 117753

>>117743
We were both each other's first time…
If anything I'm impressed that an autistic sperg like him could do the whole abuser gig really well.
I wonder if some people come out the womb broken or something?
I literally cannot understand how someone could throw away someone who's devoted this much…

Anonymous 117758

>>117753
>We were both each other's first time…
Is that what he told you? And you believed him? Lmao.



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losing my life to my phone Anonymous 114793[Reply]

I’ve lost a good 10 years of my life and my entire childhood to social media and screen time. I’m not sure how to beat this addiction. I have no friends. I’m even on my phone at work. I average 12 hours a day on my phone/computer.
12 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 115591

just delete every app problem solved

Anonymous 115601

>>114793
i'm struggling with this too….
need more hobbies and I try to only use social media for communicating with friends. Have tried really hard to make friends. Hasn't been easy, and I have no childhood friends.

Anonymous 115620

>>115601
I understand this too nona my couple irl friends don't reach out enough at all and all I have is bf who's a LDR right now and I want to cry because he's not here

Anonymous 115688

im sleepy
i think for some people their phone is just their way of fidgeting. its a sensory act, swiping your nubs on a phone and letting the pixels run with your finger movement, and a mental one as well. the act of browsing through social media / doomscrolling (vaguely relevant in modern day to day living) is soothing to them even if causing negative emotional effects. people should get into playing with fidget toys or something.
or something

Anonymous 117737

>>114793
I recently bought myself a phone with buttons (Qin F21 Pro) to try and make surfing the web less appealing and so many of the people in my life want me to switch back to my iPhone. This phone can do all of the things my iPhone could, it just takes a bit longer which is exactly what I was looking for. It's so weird… Now certain people will try to explain to me why spending hours looking at YouTube isn't a bad thing, how it can be good for me. Even my mom??? I don't understand. Growing up she had an app installed on my phone and computer (OurPact) that would block content and turn things off at bedtime and I think she really believed that she was doing something good for me. What changed when I became an adult? My boyfriend spends entire days playing video games so I can see why he thinks I'm being silly, but I don't understand my mom's point of view. So silly. I think part of it that is she can't see where I am on apples find my iPhone map but she never checked it before anyway.



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