/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>118133

I have been abandoned in the past. It has left me unable to let my guard down or trust someone entirely. I'm madly in love with him and I'm obsessed with everything about him. He has been so kind to me and I just ruin everything every day. I feel so guilty and ashamed.

>>118136
I know it’s cliche but have you considered opening up to him and explaining? It might help him understand better and help you come up with solutions. Other women aren’t competition unless your moid is like Jordan Barrett level lookswise or super rich/extremely high status.

>>118137

I'm just being completely insane and irrational so there's nothing to really open up about.. Even if there was, I do a poor job of communicating. How do I communicate better and express my insecurities without causing an argument, do I just feel these feelings silently? Because it's to the point that every time I bring it up, it causes a new argument. I'm stuck in my ways. Other women shouldn't be considered competition at all. He loves everything about me and I'm just still so insecure.

>>118136
>>118138
Oh nona I'm in the same baot as you. my insecurities and mental illness/anger issues always cause a fight between us and I go insane without his attention and talking to him

I regret ever expressing how it feels to him and get angry at him when he doesnt react the way i want, I apologize and beg him to come back only to sabotage the relationship again and again

>>118132
not sure where you're at with him now, but it seems like you put it pretty clearly here and in writing. you could just copy and paste some of this into a text or something.

I also experience extreme jealousy (abandonment wounds from upbringing and was betrayed by first love, not sure if I'll ever see men/relationships as fully trustworthy, but I'm trying to be open). look, whether it's what you've been through or stories you hear through others in person or online, it's easy to completely absorb the idea that men are lustful apes with no self control or that every girl is out to steal your man and that this is some big fucking to the death sex competition, but there is so much more out there. it's the dwelling and obsession that you're getting stuck on because for as miserable as it is, it feels good. in a miserable way. it makes you feel like you are protecting yourself. I know the feeling. find what specifically you feel is hurting you. go to the source. your fear uses his likeness as a skin to mask itself so you don't suspect who is really at fault. it does not make you crazy or evil or selfish. it is a preoccupation with your self and something important to you. the truth is you probably don't have the best self esteem, even if you have moments of confidence or rationality. learn to sit with discomfort. learn to sit and watch. when you feel the impulse to attack or point something out to him about another woman or whatever thing you feel about yourself, just go quiet. I swear by this. just swallow it and breathe. if he genuinely isn't doing or hasn't done things to break your trust, then sit with the idea that this is a projection of you effectively "cheating on yourself" with these other girls. whether hate stalking them, comparing yourself to them incessantly in your mind, imagining scenarios of him and them, etc., you are thinking WAY too much about these other girls. which is what you're afraid of him doing, right? imagine what life would feel like if you spent that energy imagining the sweet things he's done for you, said to you, that you've experienced together. imagine if you thought up date ideas or an activity or a gift idea. imagine if you imagined yourself achieving something special, working towards a goal, no matter how simple. it becomes a habit in the brain, but you're not stuck this way. you're scared and need to activate some kinPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

OP i dont know what country you live in so i apologise if this advice isnt really applicable but i think the first step would be to look into government housing for your mum and grandma, your mum could also go to a job centre and register so it at least shows she is trying (considering her eligibilty for government housing). this isnt an immediate process so itll take time but that time could be for you to figure out what you want to do independently. i dont think you should feel so guilty about this although its inevitable im sure your mum and grandma have their own quarrels about depending on you and seeing how it could affect you and stress you, especially considering youre still young and this is the situation ur in. my last note would be make sure no matter what you chose to do with your independance should you be able to get it make sure you always have some sort of community as it is absolutely necessary, even some time apart and to breathe from family could make it fonder :)

>>118066
Send them money until you get better, maybe?

And is your emotional state really their fault? Perhaps talk to a therapist first, in case it's just an episode.

>>115599

The sad thing is that you are almost as inaccessible to help and good advice as your husband is. Either you are a troll or your codependency is so severe that it is almost schizo-tier

>>116246
>The sad thing is that you are almost as inaccessible to help and good advice as your husband is.
Couldn't have said it any better myself.

If this is real, what I doubt, it’s true what someone said at the very start. Nona is getting something out of being abused in some way and her now husband must have realized this by now too. He knows that he can do whatever he wants to her and that she is easily manipulated. It’s only going to further escalate until one of them snaps and kills the other. Is this really how you want it to end, nona? This is what’s going to happen, if you don’t manage to leave for good.

>>116342
I agree with this.
These 2 threads have been so infuriating to read. Besides all your other issues, I still don’t know how you can even stay with him. Are you even attracted to him anymore? He’s the antithesis of a good man. He’s not a leader, not a provider, would be an awful father, an awful deadbeat alcoholic and not only that but he has the nerve to be a misogynist? Also I hope you know his anti immigration stance pertains to you too. At the end of the day, you’re not Japanese and it sounds like he sees you as a second class citizen despite his codependency. How old is he anyway? To be a grown adult and not even have a job is beyond pathetic, and I don’t even know how you can stand to even witness that. Sounds like he’s just a loser who can’t let go of his successful past, with being a host and whatnot and he just resents it. But at least he’s managed to manipulate one idiot woman and that’s you, OP. Wake the fuck up.

Why do u like sissy fags op

>>118290
nuts are great

>>118276
What if they had a relationship before but didn't had sex?

And sex isn't really rocket science either, when you're with a new partner you will need to learn what we both like anyway.

Would rather be with a man who is a virgin because of his values, or that just had 1 partner. It really depends of how that man is and behaves.

I had a relationship with a manwhore and I won't ever accept such putrid thing ever again.

if you know you know

>>108036
Get over it and grow up.

I've known all my life girls like you were fucking liars. Making my life harde than it needed to be. You were conartists and full of shit. Jealous about everything and making nice girls lives hell. I became a complete bitch because of girls like you. But all i wanted to do was enjoy my life away from moids and have nothing whatsoever to do with them. Its a curse though, men gravitate towards me because im easygoing and dgaf..and somehow becoming a bitch and having an attitude just made it worse. But all i want is for them to bother you and not me. Maybe if you calmed the f down and learned to chill you could take the burden away.

Please learn how lmao

>>118323

u what?

>>118296
Serious hobby time. Immerse yourself in video games and fantasy and you will forget. Get completely absorbed. The calender will flip by and you wont know what happened to that guy.

It's normal to feel how you do , it's a shame that you had common interests but it doesn't sound like something you're able to shake off, don't subject yourself to discomfort just because you were friends prior. Being around someone trooning out doesn't even feel like the same person most of the time because you know they're a gooner and retarded : (.
It doesn't have to be personal copying that makes you uncomfortable, it would be unsettling to be around someone mimicking essentially what he thinks you and women are all the time regardless.
That being said there probably isn't much you can do rather than distance yourself lord knows he would ape out if you mention being uncomfortable.

It's just impostor syndrome, don't worry
You can always ask him, you might be surprised about how highly he thinks of you too

>>111652
>Moid
Stopped reading there

You shouldn't feel the need to be better than him, maybe thats why you two r together? Because of your diffrences. Besides yr just a girl so

>>111659
when will we learn to just report moids and ignore?

>>111666
If you had to guess, what percentage of posters here are moids?

>>118058
Where is the picrel from?

>>118060
Belladonna of sadness

>>118061
Tysm

Hope you feel better nona. Strange that this didn't get any helpful replies.

>>118058
I've been through similar feeling and honestly, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought of pain that I would endure if I finally decided to kill myself. Really, no suicide method is painless. They all hurt, just in different ways. Not everyone is afraid of pain as much as I do, but maybe this will help you as well. Just think about how much it would hurt when you got hit by a full speed car.
Also, the other thing that kept me is the chance of failing a suicide attempt. And becoming disabled after it or maybe even a compete vegetable. While we're young our bodies have great physiological compensatory mechanism, so you may survive, but the life after failed suicide attempt would absolutely not be worth it.
I hope this helps you a bit

>>117957
>How do you do it
At some point you just have to get up and go. Don't think about it. Thinking about it stops it from happening. Take action in the moment, count down and go "5,4,3,2,1" then get up and go.

Go on walks. Even small amounts of movement help boost your metabolism - you won't sweat out the calories but it'll help your body process food better.
Stop eating poison. You're allowed to pig out still, but pig out on fresh fruit and home-cooked meals. Once you get in the habit of prepping meals for the week it becomes easier.

You only resist doing what's right because it's something different, not because it's something hard. I would encounter the same resistance if I tried to go from my lifestyle to yours.

>>117957
honestly, there are a ton of factors to consider.

1. Do you have any pain? Be careful when doing any sort of exercise if you suffer from pain that isn't being managed and mitigated via rehab and the like.

2. If you don't have any pain, consider what it is you want. Basic health and fitness? Consider what the means to you first. For some people, that means being able to do at least 5 pullups. If that appeals to you, you may look for a nearby park with monkey bars and focus on the progressions there.

3. Don't fall for the bodyweight fitness trap that is so prevalent in fitness. It may seem like a great idea to start with bodyweight training as you don't require any equipment except maybe a pullup bar (if you want to do pullups at home), but frankly speaking, most people are simply too weak to even start with bodyweight training either due to pain or muscular imbalances caused by years of physical neglect and abuse.

4. Nutrition is the most important thing for losing weight.

5. Do not rely on fitness to fix your life, focus on accomplishing goals in the realm of fitness.

>>118140
lame

>>118150
gay

>>117957
Diet is the most important thing, as others have said already. You're carrying a lot of bodyweight, which makes a lot of exercise far harder. And if the weight in any exercise is too much, priority is to reduce it rather than push through and risk injury.

If you're the kind of person who benefits from structures and a plan to follow, then focusing on macronutrients and calories are your best bet. Here's a rough guide for calculating what yours should be: https://www.aworkoutroutine.com/how-to-calculate-macros/

If that's too much and you'd rather wing it, then just work on cutting out snacks and eating more protein. Its important even if you're not actively working out.

If you can eat better and lose weight, it'll have knock on effects in so many ways, including helping loneliness. Try to focus on that. You want to go farther afield and find greenery, get used to a gym, go to hobby groups and meet people- your body is your friend in all of this. It'll get you where you need to go faithfully if you treat it right.

And lastly, if you're in a city, maybe there's weight loss groups you can join. Nothing to help cut through social etiquette and get to honest friendship more than a sincerely shared goal and struggle.

You can do it. Eat better and you'll have no choice but to lose weight. Everything else you want will be more attainable for it. Good luck

>>118129
Try janitor ai, it’s free and there’s no filter. Sometimes the site is buggy but I’ve been using it to chat with my husbando bot.

novelai