/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>54351
I can only speak from my own experiences but I have been in a similar position.

To be happier with your life, you need to make changes. You need to leave your toxic social circle, you need to find people you value who value you. If you're unfulfilled and you can't discuss your interests with anyone, you need to start taking action to be fulfilled and make connections that align with you.

Your current paranoia, sense of being trapped and lack of motivation are probably all symptoms of your situation and your extremely low mental state.

What benefited me in a similar situation (after some years of feeling like this and getting to be a point where I was almost constantly thinking of killing myself) was going to my doctor, going through a cycle of 3-4 antidepressants until I found one I could bear, and seeing a therapist. I found the antidepressants stabilized my mood enough that I could gradually begin to make changes in my life, and I could track my progress in making those changes with my therapist to be assured I was moving in a positive direction and thinking about what I was doing. I saw my therapist for ~6 months and was on antidepressants for ~1 1/2 years. I took about 3 months off work sick over this time, unfortunately I was working for an employer with decent sick terms and maybe you're not so fortunate there.

My life isn't perfect now and I still feel I have to do a lot of work to get to a place where I will be truly happy, but I have been able to come off the antidepressants and experience my emotions more and I'm still in a much better place. When you are as extremely compromised as it sounds like you are, it's very difficult to improve your situation. So much of your resources are spent just trying to get through each day. Medication helped smooth out my lows so I could get in a position to get better.

OP, are your interested outside the normal small talk topics of Netflix, sports, etc? If you have lesser common interests, it’s better to talk about them one on one with someone that shares this interest. Doing it as part of a group usually doesn’t work, unless that group is focused on that topic specifically.

Could you also have female autism? This often is not diagnosed until women are older but they will have spent their lives never quite fitting in and having quite random in-depth interests that they struggle to discuss with others.

>>54357

>OP, are your interested outside the normal small talk topics of Netflix, sports, etc?

Yeah, I have no interest in small talk topics unfortunately. I'm very disconnected from pop culture, which, I suppose is how I ended up on places like this in the first place. I guess I am only fully fulfilled with communication with others if I see it as an exchange of information that helps me grow and find out more about myself and the world. I do like talking about the music we have in common with my friends a lot though.


>Could you also have female autism?

I've thought about having autism, especially since a sibling is diagnosed, I have ADHD though so there's a lot of overlap. I don't think I match a lot of the diagnosis requirements – I'm not exhausted by social situations when they're fulfilling, for example. I'm not sure, I have pretty bad anxiety and depression on top of the ADHD. Developed okay socially until the anxiety hit.
I do struggle with feeling like an android and not feeling a lot of empathy for example though, and I usually have feel like I have to imitate "human" behaviour because I don't know how to express myself. That in part is something I've read people with autism struggle with, isn't it? Maybe not the empathy, but the mimicry. It could also just be the depression.

>>54360
Ok, it sounds like you would definitely benefit from meeting people who are interested in the same thing as you so you can always talk about that. I know it's always suggested but have you tried meetup.com? Or joining an online group for an interest then seeing if there is anyone near located you?

>>54361

I should try again sometime soon but studies and shit are getting to me. Problem is that everything is online here.

I was thinking of maybe seeing if somehow there are irl group courses for a common hobby or something open against all odds or something. Online stuff just is scary to me because I always think about the possibility of someone connecting all my personal info across my posts, accounts, etc to hunt me down. I guess that's something I have to get over though. I am just holding onto the hope I can get a nice job and move back to my home country as soon as I'm done studying.

I'm autistic too, anon. I understand your struggle. It's so hard to socialize with NTs.

>>52590
One thing i would add to all this, my friends and kind people around me are what keeps me tethered to reality, and help me deal with my overflowing or unstable emotional periods.
So it's in a way it's paradoxicall for asocial people, but it's pretty important to have trusted social circle if you're a sperg.
Being alone and autistic is just too hard, and brings down your quality of life.

>>52548
You know, loving everyone (including yourself) is a better way of avoiding ostracization.

When you hate, you distance the whole world from yourself. You ostracize yourself to avoid being ostracized. That's very silly in my opinion.

When you love, when you accept everyone as they are, you even accept the ones who do not understand you. You accept people when they exclude you, and are mean to you, because they are just following the programming they've been given. You love them regardless, you love everyone regardless, because we have no control.

I know social cues can be hard to detect, but you shouldn't be hard on yourself for that. There are still things in your power, and being kind is definitely within everyone's power. If you can make yourself kind, no one will have any valid reason to hate you, and if they hate you anyway, understand that it's because there's something else going on. It's not a personal attack.

I love you and I hope you will love yourself in due time. I am sorry you feel so lost right now.

>>52548
i have adhd and i struggle with the same thing anon. it's so hard. i hope we can both make it

>>52621
i just wish i had someone to experience all those things with me

>>54335
Yeah my therapist told me to get a cat for my mental health and I'm like.. I literally tried this the mental health is so bad I couldn't.

>>54334
If you can tolerate going outside and minimal interaction with other human beings (which might be a big ask if your mental illness is that bad), you could try volunteering at a local shelter. You get outside pressure from the other volunteers to do food and litter and cleaning because it's kind of your job. You get to interact with cute animals and feel good you take care of them without the commitment of having to keep them alive. It also might show you that feeding and litterboxes aren't that bad and make it easier for you if you wanted a cat again later. I get it if you don't want to though, it's just an idea.

OP, if you ever take your cat back, get an automatic timed food feeder, a water fountain, and a litter box that needs minimal work.

Until then, have you considered getting some bird food and just feeding wild birds? You don’t have to look after them and can skip a day or stop whenever you want. If you get a bird guide, you can get to know the different bird types and personalities.

You are mentally in a bad place and can't take care of others. The fact that you made this post shows that you DO care but you are just not in the condition to do that right now. Please take care of yourself first then you will be able to get a pet.
Pets are a big responsibility and a lot of people struggle to give them proper care. Please wait until you are ready. It could be one of your therapy goals to get well enough to care for an animal.

Please wait until you’re able to take care of a pet. It’s a lot of work and money (not even counting the vet bills because that’s part of being a responsible pet owner).
But! You can work towards making yourself better so you can finally have a pet.
Some ideas:
Set up bird feeders outside your window. It’s easy, cheap, and will give you great joy to see them feed every time.
You can volunteer at an animal shelter.
Plant a butterfly garden.

Whenever you do have pets, feed and give them water them the same time as when you’d feed yourself.

Have you ever had a pet growing up? If so, have you always had a lack of empathy or lack of understanding of why they need food, water, and potty time?

>>54321
Sounds like their background helped them get into a PhD which them gave them connections to work with more talented people. Talent often isn't the biggest factor for getting in the spotlight. Look at all the British actors who went to private schools for example.

The good news though is that if you are jealous of something, it means it's something you really want so focus on achieving that.

>>54322
While that's a nice thought unfortunately their PhD is a completely separate STEM-focused thing with nothing to do with their creative stuff. But thanks for the attempt to commiserate anon.

>>52307
I read the same book as you, the infinite game by Simon Sinek I think.

Anyway, I guess the solution is to grow with your partner, not necessarily in the same field as them, but to give them the support and confidence now to pursue their dreams so that in the future they can make it. I do the same for my partner, he wants to be a writer and I support his endeavours, if anything I really wish he would do more to better himself, it feels like he's just going to slack off and never make anything of his beautiful brain.

>>54317
I knew someone like this in my uni degree. My first thought was "wow, impressive". Then I realised, that's everyone's first thought. As I got to know what she was like, I realised that it was all a farce, more or less. Her movies sucked, her creations sucked, it was like she just knew people that could get her what she wanted. Not that I would dissuade someone from pursuing their dreams, but she wasn't in it for the right reasons, it seems like she just wanted to prove to the world that she exists, which is ultimately narcissistic and unfruitful.

Maybe you're with the wrong guy if you feel threatened he'll leave?

Become better than him. When my boyfriend strives to improve, if it threatens me, I know it means I have to be better myself. Let it be a sort of "friendly" competition.

>>54263
i wanna be orbited by cute weeb lesbos life is unfair

>>54281
Well, if anyone unironically wants to get orbited by me just post normiecord tag or Steam. I really have no idea where else to get like minded female friends. I tried my luck in TERFy normiecords but the only thing I have in common with those people is that we dislike trannies, outside that they are ultra normies and since they are also deep into SJW shit they can't take jokes. I end up banned within 5 minutes.

If anyone wants to add me my tag is redtea#6723 , I'm not a SJW but I'm not a fash either. I must warn you before hand: I AM a mentally ill autist, but I don't use it as an excuse to be a shit person.

>>54285
>but I don't use it as an excuse to be a shit person
No fun

>>54284
viviann#4621

>>51537
A bit of a late reply, sorry. Hope you're still around to read it.
The university as an institution puts a lot of time and money towards stuff like diversity initiatives, women in [insert field here], LGBTQ+ resources, anti-racism, "latinx," programs targeting African Americans, etc. The daily emails they send out, every single day, have at least two links to social justice initiatives, and the institution has a completely unashamed leftist bias.
As far as individual professors, it really depends. I'm a liberal arts student, so a fair amount of my profs are into that stuff. I had one talk about whether a certain article would be "triggering" the other day, and a lot of the stuff I have to read for other classes is based in critical theory, which is annoying because that stuff is garbage to start with, and as soon as a prof starts assigning those sorts of articles, I lose all respect for them and the class and it becomes a major chore to do the assignments. But I also have a couple of really awesome professors who aren't into that stuff at all and can still deliver really high-quality courses despite the school's institute-level bias. Interestingly, the good professors are the ones not from America. My two favorites are both Eastern Europeans.
I say it will only get worse because with every little event that happens, they add more and more programs to "address systemic racism" or what have you. Some of it is just lip-service, I'm sure, so they can say they tried to make a change, but there are also substantial changes in what course material is promoted and which courses are offered, and those changes are invariably in favor of social justice or leftist causes. For instance, my school sent a survey out about whether it was diverse/inclusive/representative enough and how they could change course offerings to be more so.
For the most part you can choose what you actively engage in and which courses you register for and which profs you take, so it's possible to avoid the worst of it, but it's in the water so to speak, so it's hard to entirely get away from it. But it also likely depends a lot on the school. Maybe mine is on the more extreme end of things. You would be hard-pressed to find a university that denounces social justice, though.

>The good:
I don’t know but I made a new friend called YouTube and it helps me tremendously with my work.
>The bad:
Too much work, some of my teachers hand out ridiculously difficult tutorial questions, some teachers making everyone buy/use their book for the course, group work (I have no friends), oral presentations, commuting, never any spots in the library or computer pools, people being noisy in the “quiet” end of the library.

>>52212
I kind of get the feeling that all the blind raged hardcore leftism in unis is nothing but actual deeply conservative right wing ideals promoted trough mental gymnastics as "left" (horseshoe theory makes that surprisingly easy) so the upper class can keep the actual systemic racism (more like tribalism) they always had firmly in place regardless of social norms and the idiot majority actually buys that (maybe because it also benefits them).
I have never seen such a brutally dense bourgeois and "privileged" white suburb community anywhere else outside my university. No where else. I'm living in a country that isn't overly separating when it comes to social status or skin color and initially we don't even have that "race" thing going on outside of absolute poverty or absolute wealth and in those circles its less about race but more about heritage in general (you may be from the same race but the wrong tribe/family/clan so you are shit anyway).
But on the campus, for gods sake. I'm already chalksnow the pale ghost of bleachbath levels of white but I could feel the last remnants of melanin getting squeezed out of my body by the accumulated whiteness in that room (minus the one literal brown hijab token girl in a wheelchair and a few others, I shit you not) on my first lecture. And exactly those people who are pretty obviously not so fond of that magical divers community preach about it the most. I mean its really hard to gather such a homogeneous crowd in such a big city here, you have to put work into that but there they are. Most funny thing is I wouldn't even have noticed that trough my original socialization because as I said, no one really gave a fuck, it just struck me because the first words in the first lecture were already a litany of how bad da wipipu are, preached by a white guy to a room full of white people with a handful of more and more uneasy looking brown tokens dying in obvious external shame and wondering what crazy shit they got into. I'm loosely acquainted with one of the few Africans here and she told me that what made her most uneasy is that she came here because in her country of origin people have a giant boner for skin color and that makes things different from time to time and now they start the same shit here. Putting such an emphasize on complexion that literally everywhere she goes her obvious heritage is what she has to talk abouPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

i have a genuine interest in medicine but fuck if i'm actually going to be able to whole-heartedly study it in the future lol. i was a depressed retard in hs and never studied and didn't care about my grades and never applied to any good colleges because of it, so i've been working through this pharm tech program for the past few months but i'm legitimately scared it's not going to get my anywhere. i'm almost 6 weeks away from being done and i just have a pit in my stomach that i've wasted all this time and money for books and getting my license and taking the tests and going on an externship only to bum around for months or years because i can't get hired anywhere. it's ultimately my end game to move the fuck out and into institutional pharmacy for better pay and to get my foot in the door for real education about medicine, but given my track record with school i feel like that's just a pipe dream. sigh.

>>54302
I'm a recent grad in Microbiology and had similar fears to you. I was a really shitty student in both high school and college, like 2.7 GPA shitty. Despite that I got into a healthcare career that pays well enough and encompasses my interests because I had work experience on campus that was somewhat related and they asked for a degree instead of my transcripts. Now I'm doing fairly well at my job. I know it's a college student thread, but just wanted to post so folks like you know to not give up. All that matters is having that degree and taking on work and volunteer opportunities in the life sciences departments of your school. I'm not even sure if the latter is required but it definitely helps.

I don't understand it either. It's too cold? No problem, just layer clothing until you are comfy. It's too hot? Well too bad, even undressing doesn't help.

Please just be cloudy all day today

>>54131
<3

>>54108
I realize that killing yourself because your miserable is possibly the least cool and worst reason to commit suicide and is an insult to the institution. I then get back to work so I can feel like I am gaining one more inch to be suffering in a unique and interesting way as opposed to an old and boring way.

>>54108
You do things you’ve never done before.

There are 2 reasons for depression, mental illness, and sadness. If your life sucks, it sucks. You can have a better outlook, and that works for millions of ppl, but there are other answers to improving a horrible life. Exercising boosts happy chemicals, good sex, games, books, tv, if you are broke? Go find a sugar daddy, the excitement of manipulating a horny dude can give you purpose, or at least help you find one.
Religion as helped plenty of depressed women. You have options, you haven’t killed yourself, so there is something keeping you alive, just try ANYTHING. Anything I’ve suggested, anything someone as suggested, anything you’ve thought of, do it. Nothing you do can be worse than suicide. And if I’m wrong about that, and you make your life worst, suicide will still be on the table.

>>54133
>killing yourself because your miserable is possibly the least cool and worst reason to commit suicide and is an insult to the institution
death isn't special, stop pretending it is

>>54273
>death isn't special, stop pretending it is
Please quote me where I said death was special. Now, if you instead meant "suicide" we can talk about that too.

>>54141
Your bf sounds okay to me from what you said, I think he did genuinely mean well and just didn't fully get the negative implications. I do get the feeling with your sister, I don't have siblings like this but I've seen a lot of other relatives dealing with that kind of dilemma. It's natural you don't want to sacrifice your quality of life for her even if you care. I think with situations like this you just have to see what happens when it gets to that. Hopefully she'll be at a better place in life by the time your mom isn't around, and if not it's up to you how much you're able to support her while keeping yourself sane.

>>54136
Wow he should run fast

>>54136
>everyone who has seen me and my sister's comments on how prettier I am including my sister's "sugar daddy"
<this caused me to develop a paranoia where my boyfriends want to date my sisters
You are insane.

>>54136
you don't deserve your boyfriend

>>54166
>>54190
I really don't deserve him, he's amazing.

>>54175
I feel like it begs the question that as much as I trust my bf, what if he would do the same to me? My sister didn't think her boyfriend would do what he did to me.

unironically by getting a local job while you live with your parents that save you rent money.

Nomads are savers, they save just the essentials and travel just with the essentials never with anything they dont really need.

>>54212
aside from saving up, maybe you can teach english online for income?

There's a lot of women on youtube who document life living out if an RV. I don't have any recs but you could start there.

>>54212
You don't need an RV, you need a 1-(wo)man camper van. You should adapt it to be a camper van yourself, because if you're a nomad, you should be able to fix your vehicle yourself in all but the most catastrophic cirumstances. This will require gathering enough capital to buy said van, buy components (bed, stove, solar panels if you're frisky, etc.), adapt it, build it, live it, love it. Bite the bullet and get some job that gets you mad dosh now, and start getting fucking ready.

That or hop on the dick of some guy who already has a camper van, but good luck when you're 100% dependent on the whim of a moid for your place of living and your mode of transportation.