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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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should I go back to being a wagie Anonymous 123251[Reply]

I always wanted to be a writer (yeah, I know), but I went into STEM because it seemed the more practical choice. Throughout undergrad, I spent all of my free time writing short stories, random experimental pieces, and fanfiction. Frankly, I took it more seriously than my actual work. Now, due to cognitive dysfunction caused by severe mental illness, I can barely do my real job at all. I'm still able to write, albeit much slower; it's all I've been doing while on medical leave. Now, my leave is about to end. I'm worried that I still won't be able to do my job (I've only just begun to see minor results from treatment), but my main concern is that the extreme stress of my job will keep me from writing (like it did before I went on leave). I hated my job even before I started having health issues, since the work environment is hostile to women and the job itself is at once both stressful and soul-crushingly boring. What should I do? My degree is in mathematics and math is what I'm having the most trouble doing right now, so I don't even know what other job options would be good for me. I was thinking of just going back to being a wagie so I can spend my free time writing. I have no illusions about the likelihood of becoming successful as a writer, but at least I'd be able to do what I enjoy. I am open to other suggestions, though.

Anonymous 123253

for wagies i like the idea of having a van or RV/truck to live in parked right outside the job, that way you don't have horrible traffic to deal with. though might not be for everyone. kind of cool to take slow adventures. if i had known how cool having a van would have been, i would have lived differently, i would have gotten one 10 years earlier.

Anonymous 123259

>>123253
that's a really interesting idea, I'll look into it

Anonymous 123261

I know this isn't what you're asking but I'd love to read something you've written, nona.

Regarding your situation, I wish I could give you directions, but I'm pretty much in the same boat (except my degree is in literature) and my only plan so far is to try to get some disability benefit before I've exhausted what little money I got from my family.

Anonymous 123722

oh no

I am in STEM and I hate my job. Doing university was fun, but doing it as a job with all the asshole bosses, the office politics, the constant deadlines is totally killing me. I thought about going into writing too, I even went to a fun writers workshop last week.

But I know I wouldn't make it. My savings would last for five years but then I would be broke and probably out of a job forever.


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Anonymous 121779[Reply]

i'm just now finishing my 2nd year in university and for the two years that i've been here i genuinely haven't had a conversation with a person besides someone asking me like "is this seat taken" or something in a class. i haven't had any friends for 5+ years since all my friends from middle school just stopped talking to me when high school started. i think i'm so socially retarded and lacking in social skills that at this point i don't even know how to make friends even if i desperately wish to do it. i never learned these skills as a child either because for as long as i can remember i've felt like my presence is a burden to other people and i've thought that i'm doing a service to them by speaking or being seen as little as possible so even as a child i didn't engage or begin conversations with people. there's no point to this i just can't see how a life like this is worth living in the long run and i wish that eventually i'll have the courage and decisiveness to kill myself.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122518

>>121779
When you grow up you know the only thing that matters is your career and studies. Let it go, I know being social is fun and all but your future is way more important, you'll eventually find someone after uni anyways.

Anonymous 122519

>>122518
i respectfully disagree

Anonymous 123638

hi nona, i'm in the same spot as you, right up to "middle school friends left in highschool". would like to be friends with you, and if you don't, then hope you know that killing yourself isn't the right answer.

Anonymous 123656

>>121779
>there's no point to this i just can't see how a life like this is worth living in the long run and i wish that eventually i'll have the courage and decisiveness to kill myself.

you said you didn't learn the social skill as a child but i don't see how that matters. according to your belief system, you don't have the social skill. ok then just learn the social skill now? nothing is stopping you

>you did not sign a contract
>you did not lose the social skill body part
>you did not promise anyone never to be social
>you did not sell your ability to be social to a mega-corporation and agreed to a non-compete thus preventing you to be social
>no witch cursed you

so what is stopping you, habit? are you just like a chain smoker who is unable to quit the lifelong habit of smoking but with being fun, pleasant, friendly, awesome, cool, generous, artistic and skillful? just steadily grow into something people want to be friends with.

it starts with the belief that it is possible for you. this is the first roadblock you have to move out of the way. you need to understand that you can change this. you have the ability to make this happen. if you wanted to, you could.

Anonymous 123657

>>123656
>>you did not lose the social skill body part
it happens.


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Anonymous 121601[Reply]

Why do people get married only to cheat or divorce? Shouldn't they know if they're happy to be together BEFORE they get married?
10 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 123252

>>121601
the people who marry are not the people who question things, the people who marry are the ones who blindly do what other people did before them, blindly assuming that the people before had valid reasons that still make sense to this day. they just do it because they believe in normality and marrying is normal.

the more i question the more i know this: normal people will suffer, they are unconscious. they don't think things through, they don't keep up with developments in culture, they don't re-evaluate after a change, they don't think for themselves, they want the shortcut so bad that they don't care where the shortcuts leads them towards.

if you look hard you can probably find a marriage that works, i haven't seen one that wasn't a good looking but deeply rotten miniature-version of the mindless imperialism that is the root of all evil where either one or both participants in were suffering and just hanging in because they were trying to be a good sport.

Anonymous 123265

>>123264
no one gives a fuck about sane men. marry insane men and get what you want out of them

Anonymous 123268

politician.png

>>123265

Anonymous 123270

>>123265
based

Anonymous 123643

>>123252
thank u for this reminder


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setting boundaries with struggling friend. Anonymous 123373[Reply]

hi all! i've been friends with a girl for about 8ish months now. we were very close friends until about april when she cut me off and we stopped talking for about 50 days. i'm not completely sure why she cut me off, but she has some mental health struggles that likely come into play there. at the time she cut me off, she was somewhat cold and made it seem like she wanted nothing to do with me.

but, about a month ago, she reached back out to me because she missed me. while i had mostly gotten over her, i was very glad to see her again. we talked a lot and we started dating. about two days ago, she revealed to me that she never actually loved me, and that she kind of just dated me in order to make her father proud/because of social pressures. we broke up, and she spiraled like she did a few months ago and cut me off once again. she keeps saying that she doesn't care when i try to reason with her, or that i should stop trying to fix her.

i'm not angry with her, even though she thinks i am. if anything i'm just sad that she's doing this to me and herself. i consider her a close friend, but at the same time, i'm not sure if i can continue dealing with all of this. the constant self-loathing, the random mood switches, worrying that she's okay when she goes ghost, and getting abandoned over and over again takes a toll on my mental health. i love her, but i'm not sure what to do next.

it's likely that she will get over this sooner or later, and continue trying to reach back out to me. i'm also going to have to see her again in a few weeks because of an activity we participate in together. i really want to be friends with her, but at the same time, i'm aware that the dynamic we have isn't healthy. she's started struggling with heavy drug abuse as well, which has probably also impacted her mental health.

when she reaches back out, i plan to tell her that we can be friends again, but only under certain conditions. our friendship can't continue the way it has been. she will have to seek help for her drug abuse/mental health issues before i can be friends with her again. it makes me very sad that i have to do this, but it's also the only way things can be right between us.

anything else you think i should ask of her?

side note: i'm also considering seeking out a psychiatrist, because i am aware of some unhealthy tendencies that i have too. i tend to be pretty attached to her, and worry a lot about her.

Anonymous 123376

i went through the same. had a best friend who was an alcoholic and smoked marihuana a lot, i was also very attached to her and overprotective, always welcomed her when she reached out after some ugly episode. I don't want to be pessimistic about your situation, but if you tell her to seek help she'll most likely won't, that's something that was to be born from her, from personal experience.

if this gives you hopes, me and my friend went apart for like three or four years, we recently re connected after we both went to therapy, we are both medicated and in a better mental health condition which had made us have a healthier friendship, but that was because she was the one who looked up for help at one point after we stopped talking, not for all the times i asked her to do it.

Wish you luck tho and don't sacrifice yourself for someone who isn't willing to do the same for you

Anonymous 123429

>>123376
thank you. i'm really struggling with missing her/hating her right now. on one hand i can't fault her for what she's done because she has mental health issues (and some other outside circumstances) that cause this behavior. on the other hand, this is really taking a toll on me. this is the second time she's left me out of nowhere. it hurts that she continues to disregard my feelings over and over again.

i keep wanting to just block her on everything and pretend like i don't know her. but i also want to leave lines of communication open in the hopes that she comes to her senses. i really do care for her, but i can't say she feels the same about me.

Anonymous 123641

>>123373
i was so desperate to talk to her for closure, but now that i've actually done it, i don't really want to be friends with her anymore. we discussed the nature of our friendship earlier today, and it seems like she still wants to be friends with me. i don't mind though.

like, i still really like her as a person, but idk if i can be bothered with her atp. maybe it's just late night emotions but idk. i think she went too far this time. i can no longer separate her from what she's done to me.

atp i'm basically just giving our friendship a test drive to see if we still have what it takes to be friends. i'm not afriad it cut her off if i feel like it though.


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Anonymous 123022[Reply]

how do u be a better person and develop empathy no joke. without speaking to anyone except my boyfriend ever (no glue no borax) i treated him so horrible i just want to give him everything he deserves hes helped me so much in life hes saved me but i keep lashing out at him and blaming him because everything feels so wrong in my head and idk what to do he said im a narcissist but idk how to fix that therapy isnt an option because every single time ive gone ive been completely enabled and it was horrible, im not conscious at all of my bad traits either i grew up isolated as fuck im too socially retarded to even realize doesssanyone else get that what do we do nonaz
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 123034

>>123032
i don't have a lot of advice for you nona, sorry. i know you can't just control emotions that bad when they do happen.

however, you can control how you express them and you need to pick a way to express them that's as least destructive as possible. you can't just blame things on people like that and make them that responsible for your emotions. especially since he has been helping you. (of course he may be manipulating you in some ways but that's unclear from your posts)

Anonymous 123036

>>123032
>but he is kind of the reason i hate how i look so much in the firs tplace but idk
how so?
blaming your bf isnt a bad thing if its reasonable, logical and deserved. you just need to distinguish between the two.
toxic people cant handle criticism and have no sense of responsibility, even if theyre objectively in the wrong.

Anonymous 123269

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>>123022
>how do u be a better person and develop empathy no joke.

it's simple: think ahead. just every time you do or say something, make an honest effort to think of the consequences.

when you do or say something, that is you tipping over a little plastic domino piece and when you think ahead you don't just stand in behind the falling piece (just pushing the piece away from you) where you can only see the piece, you rather stand next to it or above it, where you can also see all the other pieces and antipicate the chain reaction it will cause. once you see how far reaching the reverberations of your decisions are, you might make them more carefully or choose not to do them. this creates the space for better choices. also it will make you wonder if you are just responsible for the thing you say or also for the chain reaction your action causes.

Anonymous 123345

>>123022
>he said im a narcissist
drop him lol

Anonymous 123628

Im with you nona though im gonna be entering my mid 20s, i cant really say ive grown much as a person or if theres any point in it other than masking well enough that people dont get mad at you


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Anonymous 121744[Reply]

The whole phenomenon of this dude is proof that standards/body-shaming/fatphobia don’t exist for males. If the original post had been of a woman it would be like any other post and be lost to time. But because someone had the audacity to try to socially enforce any rock bottom, bare minimum physical standard for the sacred male, everyone threw a fit and he got a whole media festival of events, money and opportunities thrown at him for weeks on end. In real life a female is torn to shreds for not spending most of her mental energy on appearances, but something as febrile as “hey maybe a male shouldn’t be so fat he can barely walk” is completely socially unacceptable and would get you fired while every handmaiden within ten miles performatively throws themselves on his gangrenous fat-entombed micropenis.
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121924

>>121923
I mean use your brain for 1 second. If society doesn't agree on an ideal body type for men, why are male models required to be skinny or fit? Why are characters meant to portray attractive men in shows and movies often slim, fit and tall? If you look at any female centric media youll see that the moids there are conventionally attractive, not fat pigs. You can look up various studies that shows women's prefefence for lean muscular men but perhaps you'd nitpick those studies as well.

Anonymous 122039

>>121744
I see more fat women with regular size men than vice versa. I almost always see fat guys with fat women.

Anonymous 123292

the way people treat each other is completely unnecessarily awful

Anonymous 123309

>>122039

women are biologically fat. they're supposed to have more fat than men, usually for child-rearing reasons like fat deposition in breasts and rears, metabolism being slower, energy more likely to be stored as fat, etc. - hence why the comparison between fat men vs fat women in your case is slightly biased. i feel like most women should know this by now, its always been a topic of discussion in the fitness community.

yes, the reason you see more "fat women with regular sized men" is because they're supposed to be fat. even if they weighed the same kg/lbs as men, the woman would have more fat & the man would have the most muscles. unless its a super skinny man vs a mid-sized woman, which wasn't at all what you described. i also feel like people of both genders put a bigger emphasis on determining a woman's weight than a man's. people are always so much concerned about a woman's measurements. maybe its a psychological bias paired with biology.

Anonymous 123608

>>123309
Women are supposed to be more fat relative to men but they also wear it better. No one should be fat


Anonymous 123589[Reply]

Have you ever gone to jail or prison? How was it and what were the whole processes?

Anonymous 123599

did you know in the us they bring a happy meal to suspects in interrogation rooms? perhaps a criminal life isn't so bad…

Anonymous 123600

i was planning to murder a boy when i was younger


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Anonymous 122630[Reply]

I wish all men looked like this
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Anonymous 123262

>>123232
i guess since im not blonde i find that hair color rlly exotic on men. but only if theyre hot, ugly men arent human

Anonymous 123367

>>123076
Men don't care if you bully them or not. The only thing that truly hurts their egos is if you don't acknowledge the story they want you to believe about themselves.

Narcissistic injuries are a dangerous thing to play with, and you should never attempt them when alone with a man.

>>123134
It won't cause resentment towards women (in general), just towards that particular woman who insulted him. Men get resentment towards women when women (in general) don't want to have sex with them (narcissistic injury).

Anonymous 123371

>>123367
>you should never attempt them when alone with a man.
i will attempt this (with a gun)

Anonymous 123567

I hate men so much. I wish people would stop having boys.

Anonymous 123588

He is nerdy but muscular and Lena Dunham is good looking but FAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT


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sugar daddies and edating Anonymous 123383[Reply]

ive been looking on reddit for some SD for a while and its been dissapointment after dissapointment. I like older guys so its a lifestyle id want to try. Honestly If i cant find a SD shoulld I just go after an older boyfriend online? I just like being gifted things and attention so it works out right? Is edating worth it?
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 123401

im a pro at this topic, im the biggest gold digger i know. and i didnt even have to date older men LMAO i dated a guy close to my age bwahahah, he was just insanely wealthy

Anonymous 123407

I need to either be more experienced or gold dig harder cause im having no luck on REDDIT. Just pedos and johns…

Anonymous 123409

y are you looking for a SD on REDDIT? you need to go to the spaces they actually exist

Anonymous 123410

What spaces do they exist in!?!?! Spill the beanssssssss!!!

Anonymous 123422

>>123409
Doing it online you're much likelier to run into scammers and bullshit not worth your time


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Have you ever wanted to kill someone? Anonymous 120653[Reply]

Why and what did you feel?
4 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 120675

I used to have a lot of hate for some people but looking back, maybe thanks to the hate I felt it made me change myself for the better

Anonymous 120676

I thought about letting my mom die when she tried to commit suicide but i didn’t wanna end up homeless. So I called the ambulance. I want my ex bf new girlfriend to get in an accident. No these thought don’t make me feel bad or like I’m a bad person

Anonymous 120708

I got court mandated therapy because I nearly tried to kill my step-dad when I was 10.

Anonymous 120713

ALL MEN

Anonymous 123582

I wish my family was dead because they wanted me to be a boy when that's just not who I am.

Also, I want to kill Prozzub because he ruined my life.


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