/feels/ - Advice & Venting

i want him to be 2 years younger. very uncomfortable with older guys for some reason. i’m a khhv i don’t want an older perverted guy who has fucked a thousand women that are probably less socially awkward and autistic

>>101090
Anti-fujo sperg you need to go back

I'm in my mid-20s and I'm not particularly attracted to older (5-10+) guys physically - they're usually starting to get pretty doughy, some (a lot!) are losing their hair, and you figure you've got maybe a decade before they can't get it up anymore, but it almost feels more and more like you have to look to guys that much older to find anyone who actually has their shit together.

Like >>101012 said, moids in their early-to-mid twenties are generally way more fit and attractive, but they also all tend to be lazy, obnoxious, mean, inconsiderate, commitment-phobic assholes and half of them still live with mommy and daddy.

It feels like a choice between two crappy options.

>>101126
Thank you for your service, queen

>>101012
>they tend to be quite cruel, inconsiderate, obnoxious and averse to commitment
I can believe that. I also find men younger than me most attractive physically, but as soon as they actually open their mouths or I see them interacting with their peers, the attraction is instantly gone.
Not judging anyone here but I really don't understand how some people can date much younger people. Most of them are like kids to me even though I'd probably be considered childish for my age.

>>103776
*It's
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>>103777
oh my god… a bonafide autist

>>103777
Kek

>>102615
Don’t kill yourself.
Find a hobby, music, drawing, it can be anything, just stay alive. What’s your favourite thing in the world? Just stay alive. Draw a picture in MS Paint today and post it here.

21 is too young to give up on anything, nona

>>102273
nona you have like another 9 years to find someone and have a family. I'm 28 and have watched every aspiration - every LTR and career aspiration - fall apart. I'm basically where you are, but I've run out of time

>>103332
All the hobbies in the world can't get you out of a shitty home

>>102273
>oh noooo there's bad news in the world
>why dont good things just… happen for me
>i guess i wont even try to do anything good for myself
>its impossible to find love
>guess its all over
People find love every day. People find it in themselves to work at improving their circumstances. It sounds like you have depression, nona. Please get help so you can feel better again.

>>99306
>I was thinking about getting a B2 Visa and staying 6 months but the next interview would be in october.
Not sure where you're from but lurking the immigration subreddit enough has taught me that if you have access to an ESTA you shouldn't risk trying for a B2 because if you get rejected your ESTA gets revoked automatically and then you're fucked in terms of visiting him.

>>99085
>Plus he seems to sometimes imply that he'd be interested in marrying me.

In what way? But odd to broach marriage with someone you never met in person init? Either he is very naive himself or is manipulating you in someway. Although tbh on my own intuition on 4chan losers I would lean towards him being naive lol. Best of luck to you.

I am going to meet my boyfriend of a year for the first time next week, but I am not happy at all. All I do is think about everything he did wrong and there are many things I don't want to do deal with. I am so scared but I already bought the plane ticket last month. Although, it's not like he is a bad guy per say. He probably treats me better than most guys and everything has been my pace. It just feels like I'm risking so much and it may all go to waste. It feels like I can't even talk to him about everything bothering me too because I do not even know what to say or where to start. I guess whatever happens, happens.

>>100967
Are you able to change the return flight to an earlier date if things don't work out?
If you're having this many doubts I'd just see if the ticket is refundable honestly. It's so easy to be someone you're not over text but if you have a long list of things he did wrong just from talking online, meeting up in person isn't magically going to make them disappear.

After 3 years, I'm breaking it off. We're now in the same state for 7 months and havent met each other still. Isnt that ironic lol many of you would kill to be living in the same country, let alone in the same state. I am not begging anymore. No more. Good luck to you ladies

>>103724
You know that meme "girls aren't online"? It's not true, obviously. But imagine, if it's impossible for some scrote online to find women, how am I going to find a GAY one who also happens to be sane? Like, the odds are so slim it's laughable. All the gay girls online are crazy LGBTQ+ cultists…

I appreciate you replying, as I feel lonely and wanted to talk about this, I guess I just feel hopeless.

>>103734
I wouldn't mind dying alone, but I know that I want a child at least. In that case, I want a stable household. I know a good man who would be kind to me, so I could see being in a loveless marriage for an extended period of time. Like marrying your best friend, essentially.

I feel you though, on the struggle. I don't think an ideal online gf exists. Undoubtedly, something will be wrong with her. I wish I was a straight woman or a gay man.

>>103737
>loveless marriage
I personally could never. And this is something that will end in flames if the moid you're marrying feels for you in any way beyond platonic. And what would happen if he wants a divorce because he found someone else? If you have to play pretend that you love him to the day you die, you're setting yourself up for failure.

>something will be wrong with her
Agreed. There is no way someone very online is not extremely ill in some way. I'm talking about myself too lmao

>I wish I was a straight woman
Felt. I would just be happy with a man but probably not, considering how much I hear women talk about how useless their scrotes are.

>gay man
A HIV/AIDS fest? No way eww

I relate, OP, it's very weird to see this post. I'm also partial to having a simple life with a husband but I don't want to have sex, or at least it'd only be because I quite like children. I wouldn't be attracted to my husband, he'd just be my trusted friend.

For a long time I thought I would marry my childhood best friend (male). After we realized I was attracted to women and not men, I guess we were both still okay with it; maybe we didn't think about it as much as we should've because we were young, and we were genuinely good friends. But later on in young adulthood he started exhibiting scary mental issues so I left him. I wonder if it could've otherwise worked out but maybe the not liking sex thing would've caught up to us anyway.

I dunno if it'd be rarer to find a decent guy who didn't mind his wife being homosexual or the type of girl you describe, but I have a really hard time making friends either way. I feel consistently out of place because I'm not gay in the passionate way where it's my identity, but I'm also plainly not attracted to men while being attracted to women so I don't fit in with normies.

>>103738
I don't know if it's true that a relationship would go up in flames. If you provide a person with everything they need and never complain about it, they probably don't really care. Especially a moid. Suck his dick, bake him cookies, play vidya. Seems simple, and I don't particularly mind if I'm honest. I don't enjoy cleaning the dishes, but I wash them because they're dirty. I guess life is a chore.

Anyway I hear what you're saying. If he divorced me I guess I'd just live the rest of my life an old loveless lesbian. Not like I'm ever going to find anybody, does it matter if I hitch my cart to somebody since I might be alone either way?

>>103749
I'm sorry about your moid friend not working out. I don't know if liking the sex matters. I don't like listening to my friends problems and I don't like having to do plenty of other relationship things. Lesbians end up with dead bedrooms anyway, so again, I don't think sex matters exactly. I think what matters is if the other person is genuinely kind and cares about you.

At least I can manage to get that much, if nothing else. I agree, making friends is nearly impossible. Gay people stand on the top of every mountain screaming about pride. I just want to be a normal human being?? I wouldn't even mind being gay if there were other normal gays who didn't care so much. It's very upsetting because I don't even want that much here.

What can you do? I don't know. I might try one more time to look for this girl, like go to an anime con or a film festival, but the girls at the con will probably be gross or bad with social cues and the girls at the film festival will probably be heterosexual they/thems and unbelievably pretentious.

Your best bet may be women who are lesbian or bi and casually gender critical but not super hardcore radfem.
Women in fandom who are a bit older (late twenties plus) are also a safer bet, unfortunately if you're young. Apolitical types definitely exist but then your other standards would need to apply on top, I suppose.
You may luck out though, I did. Keep your eyes open even if you try to moid route.

I have one male friend and I know he would fuck me if he got the chance because I'm attractive. I don't care. He's respectful and I'm not going to stop trading esoteric memes with him.

>>53833
I don't even care at this point if my female friends talk behind my back. As long as they're around when I need them, they can say whatever they want about me.

>>103699
>I don't even care at this point if my female friends talk behind my back. As long as they're around when I need them, they can say whatever they want about me.

Honestly just don't make friends with groups only make friends with women individualistically. Also idk why people say this as if men aren't incapable of talking shit or gossiping in their own cliques. Talking shit happens in all cliques regardless of gender.

>>103565
Thank you for being so understanding. I don’t feel like many people understand it. My partners never had any understanding for it and found it weird how close I like to be with people. It’s just when I like someone, I want to get close to them. Sometimes I feel like I’m not made to be only with one person. But idk. Maybe I‘m also being unhealthy. I’m just struggling with this because I often have to suppress my feelings

>>103709
I am not trying to demean you or accuse you of anything, but I hope you know that can cause issues for others in the future. Men do not think the same way and the way men love is very different, their love is not innocent and cute but ravenous. I am not judging you, just saying to be very careful with men… There is a reason why many women are afraid to be affectionate with men they are not romantically involved with, even with pure and platonic intentions…

I've had a male friend since I was a teenager, so we've been friends for more than a decade.
We supported eachother through difficult times and we were really close for a long time.
Our friendship is defitenly different than my female friends. With my female friends I'm more inclined to act dumb and have childlike fun, while with him I tend to be more chill, since he is a reserved and calm.
He became one of the persons I always ask advice, especially when it comes to family issues, work or studies. I have a good trust on him

That said, this year it has been weird. He has been slowly getting distant. I try to act as usual but he's not the same anymore. I would blame the fact that he got into a relationship, but he has been in relationships in the past and it didn't affect our friendship.
I guess I just have to accept things as they are

>>103649
>the etymology argument
Homo: same
Phobia: fear
Homophobia: fear of the same so like twins or clones. Nothing to do with gays.

>>103656
Unironically yes. Hatred of gays should be called antihomosexuality. Homophobia doesn't share much with other words ending with 'phobia' (claustrophobia, arachnophobia), since 'phobias' involve fear, while 'homophobia' is more like a hatred

>>103590
idk it's supposed to be special ig

>>103671


he's my first boyfriend and i was his first girlfriend too

>>103558
Why even lie about vaping? Seems really silly. I’m sorry nona, that you have been with such idiots

>>103655
I have "clockable" features (thanks hormone issues) and am best described as GNC. I wish I was smaller and more feminine by default, but I'm an adult now and recognize it was simply never meant to be in this body, so I empathize with trans women who will never pass (and honestly I seethe just as much as they do when I see a "passoid" who looks more female than me). I lean into androgyny because it's the only way to cultivate attractiveness on this unfeminine female body.

Despite all this I've never felt "male" and that's mostly because I've never felt the urge to do something pathetic or terrible for a chance at sex, which I consider the distilled essence of man. Because of how I look I could easily they/them for clout but I've always considered it like the LGBTQ+ equivalent of a participation award.

i have trauma, mild 'tism and i was a tomboy growing up.

I also had a really shitty relationship with my mother and almost all of the women in our family were exactly like her in some aspect, and having autism made me really struggle to connect with non-neurotypical girls so i grew up thinking i was some kind of fucking freak and that i was "supposed to be born a boy."

Thankfully i grew up in the 2000s to early 2010s and the tranny bullshit wasn't really that much of a thing. I never really said anything about how i felt to anyone because i was really hung up about making myself seem like more of an outsider or a weirdo.
I sort of ignored it throughout my teenage years because i had other issues to deal with, but from 2019 to the start of this year i was non-binary and it really made me feel so much fucking worse. I felt like i was lured into it with false promises that it'd get rid of my problems surrounding accepting that i'm a woman and spent years in a state of confusion and just making myself stand out in the worst way possible.

the reason i hate the tranny and genderspecial shit is because it's basically a cult, i know it's such an overused comparison but i can't call it anything else. Everyone who identifies as transgender/non-binary or whatever has mental health issues and all this does is promote the idea that you should just hyperfixate on gender, hate yourself, mutilate your body and become a big pharma guinea pig instead of actually addressing your problems first and foremost.

it promotes an almost narcissistic level of self-fixation to the point that it doesn't really leave any fucking room for positive personal development. Every TIF/TIM/genderspecial i've ever met is either miserable, has no social awareness, combative, lazy, a bonafide sexual predator or are just outright unpleasant.

it'd just be helpful to tell TIFs in a similar situation to myself that just because you don't feel like you fit in as a girl doesn't mean you need to go and skinwalk an anime boy that you want to fuck or steven universe or whoever the fuck else and make your life needlessly miserable. Go to therapy or do something that helps you understand the impacts of trauma and autism and how it affects you instead of trooning out. You can be a fucking woman and have trauma, autism or whatever. You just need to work on navigating it.

For me, the worst that happened was that I roleplayed as a anime guy when I was 13.
I felt more comfortable to roleplay as guy then when I roleplayed as a girl, but I found that was because of the extremely high standards I was giving myself.
Even when I was feminine, I was mocked for being fat and having male hobbies like gaming and some guys at school would call me a man to mock me (the same guys that then would try to sexual assault me lol)
Now I am confident and comfortable in my femininity.

>>103682
I never even told her, never told anyone but my sister about my fantasy of trooning out. It was because she started noticing me dressing like a boy that she started to give me pep talks saying how I'm a girl and how devastated she would be if I wanted to be something else. She just knew instinctively. I think for some teenagers it would just make their beliefs stronger and make them want to rebel more but for others maybe they will start to feel upset for their loved ones and stop the trooning process.

When I hit puberty at the age of 10, I displayed behaviours that would now be considered signs of being trans, but it was the late 2000s so I didn't make the connection and neither did anyone else around me. I started to viciously hate sexually mature females and femaleness, openly talk about wanting to change my name to be gender neutral, dread the thought of having breasts, dread the thought of starting my period, dissociated from my body, blocked out the reality that I had breasts and my period would come soon, switched to gender neutral body covering clothes, openly and explicitly protested at being called "she" and "girl". But I didn't really identify with males either, I hated them too. I had no idea what I wanted. I liked beardless, skinny, long-haired, androgynous male characters and created an alter-ego OC but didn't really connect with anyone on social media about it.

Then the next year I started starving myself and switched to a sort of forced, caricatured femininity, like I was playing out a misogynistic autist's resentful, bitter caricature of what it was to be a preteen girl. I can tell that since puberty I had a subconscious desire to be "like a man" rather than "like a woman" in the way I think and socialize, but I never thought of it in those terms. These desires usually coexisted with a desire to present in a feminine, but desexualized way. I never had the thought that I'm not a female, I just hated it and then made peace fairly quickly. I am lucky I could.

By the time I was a teenager & trans stuff started to enter public discourse it was like I forgot about all this. When my HS best friend came out as non-binary I was disappointed and resisted the name/pronoun change. When all the conversations about trans started happening, I never really made the connection to myself or thought of it as something I might pursue. When I started making all sorts of friends who were trans identified or later came out as trans, none of them really commented on my own status. I never got close to TiFs because, in the back of my mind, I knew I hated what they were doing and I hated the thought of having to pretend we were different "genders". I got on the best with autistic TiMs who were relatively self-assured and didn't impose horniness on me. When I was about 20 I experimented a bit with wearing thrifted men's clothes and I bought a cheap binder to see if it would look good, but never wore it again after the first try.

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You already meet this guy in person if I understand correctly so he knows what you looks like in real life.

Keep in mind that this is a person who likes you and wants to see more of you and if I were in his shoes I'd be wondering what the reluctance to facetime means in regards to your interest in him. I understand not wanting to see a reflection of yourself that you're unhappy with but sometimes we need to get out or our own head.

Try some DYI exposure therapy: Open up your camera app and just look at your own face every now and then, ignore whatever thoughts pop up about your attractiveness and just be rational about it in a "this is what I look like"-way. Don't let your ego get in the way, he clearly doesn't see any faults in your appearance so why should you?

>>103711
As a fellow ugly duckling, you just need to get used to the fact that his attraction to you is based on emotion, not appearance. Infatuation rewires the brain and suddenly you're able to overlook all the issues with the object of desire, and the same goes for familiarity. You've been friends for a while, so he's probably seen you at your most hideous, and he's used to it now. Slap a crush on top of that and it's like his perception of your flaws is diverted toward your more attractive assets, which are now enhanced in his mind.

>>103711
You can tell him about that, Nona, I'm sure he would understand and maybe would help you deal with that too. Telling people you love about stuff that is bothering you is important. But generally you probably need to try and practice self love in whatever way works for you, . I know it sounds cheesy but you deserve it

>>103602
Kek

>>103581
When you wrote "shit", did you mean literally or just "smells bad"?

>>103653
cope seethe dilate no lesbian wants you because you are male.

i hate being a lesbian so much. if i could just be straight or bi or whatever i would in heartbeat. i literally get asked out by guys probably like once a month yet finding a girl i am interested in who likes me back feels IMPOSSIBLE. it might just be the area im in but it feels like there are no gay girls at all where i live and dating apps are lierally just full of straight couples looking for a third. i don't see myself crawling out of this pit of lonliness for a long time, lesbianism feels hopeless