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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Please read the rules! Last update: 09/13/2020

please watch kimi …

makeup??? Anonymous 45426[Reply]

I really want to natuarally look pretty, but I dont mind wearing a bit of natural looking makeup. The thing is, I dont know where to start? any tips for learning how to apply light makeup or any good recs?

Anonymous 45430

tinted moisturizer, tinted lip balm (like Fresh)

Anonymous 45431

This is an >>>/hb/ topic.

Anonymous ## Cleanup crew 45436

Moved to >>>/hb/9615.


overcoming trauma to get ready for marriage Anonymous 45245[Reply]

i am a christian, and i was sexually abused in the past. i have been trying to heal from this for awhile, but it’s difficult and still affects me a lot (but it has gotten a lot better.)
i have a really wonderful boyfriend and we love each other so much and want to get married within the next couple months, as soon as the priest will let us pretty much. i know i want to be with him forever and everything and think we are really meant to be together. and i have always wanted to be a wife and mother.
the main thing i am worried about is our wedding night, when you have to have the um marriage act. i get very anxious thinking about it. i don’t see how i can do that, and i don’t want to be looked at without my clothes on or touched. i’m scared that i’ll panic when the time comes and react really badly and make him feel bad. i have a lot of trouble being mature about sex. when he told me he was looking forward to doing that when we were married i just froze up and made a face and looked away, and couldn’t think of anything to say.

i really want to be able to be normal for him because i love him, i just don’t know how to prepare myself for it and what to do to fix my brain. (and don’t say anything immoral like sex before marriage or masturbation or anything) (also i’m unable to go to therapy)
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 45274

It common that Christian girls struggle with rape. I mean all girls who experience it do. But I notice the ones who are Christian tend to struggle with it in a particular way. Often feeling too damaged or used goods. Doesn't help the religion tends to put a huge empathies on virginity and purity.

Just talk to you fiancé. I cant guarantee how he react. But let him know you've been hurt in the past before.

Anonymous 45275

Yeah, patriarchal religion has nothing to do with it.
>you don't know anything about whether she even wants to have children
She literally said she "always" wanted to be a mother
All patriarchal religions are shit.

Anonymous 45282

If her bf has the same backwards opinions about sexuality he will definitely dump her once he finds out.

Anonymous 45285

finds out what? about the abuse? or that i’m nervous about having sex? he already knows both those things.i still want to try to work on my difficulties before we get married for myself and for his sake. he’s catholic too and has the same views and is probably the most supportive understanding guy you could find.

Anonymous 45413


I was never abused thankfully, but something I've found to help me through my darker times of life was to do more than just the standard worship and bible study.
Try studying some of the more obscure texts of Christianty, like Dead Sea scrolls, early accounts of the church, and even the probably heretical stuff like the Aprocryphan texts (Book of Enoch and other heterodox stuff, just be careful to take it with a mountain of salt). With some of this extra context that you have, try seeing if some of the things in the Bible that you struggled with make more sense.
Understanding the cosmology of our world even just a little more helped me a lot, just know that you'll only attain partial understanding, never complete understanding simply because it has just not been revealed (or will be until God returns).


How do I stop being a clingy schizo Anonymous 45318[Reply]

Whenever I see my boyfriend talking to other girls I fucking lose my shit, and it’s starting to hurt our relationship.
If any other girl looks at him or talks to him too long/in too much of a friendly tone, it pissed me off so much. I’ve told him this for awhile. He’s humored my tendencies for the most part but it seems like he’s honestly getting worn out or tired of it and I don’t want that.
What brought me to post this something that happened earlier today. Whenever he talks to a girl waiter/server or something, I try to play off my frustration and so I joke and say “so is she your new gf?” Or something similar, then he refutes it then it eventually leads to him telling me he loves me and kissing me and all is well in the world. Well today, when we were driving thru Starbucks the Barista was a girl, so I said my line and waited for him to respond. What happened was he just sighed and muttered “my fucking god” (or something along those lines) and didnt say anything about it. He had this look of just being really done with my shit.
Anyways, what the fuck do I do? Did I fuck up our relationship permanently? Can I fix things with him? He’s the love of my life and I really don’t want to lose him. Has anyone else had similar experiences to this that they’ve had with partners?
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 45329

>What brought me to post this something that happened earlier today. Whenever he talks to a girl waiter/server or something, I try to play off my frustration and so I joke and say “so is she your new gf?”
Try to imagine this the other way around. This is fucking lunacy OP. I make it a point to be polite to service workers and such everytime if I can. I know you're trying to ease your genuine insecurities and fears by playing them off as a joke, but that's not how it's going to come off to him. He knows you have those fears and those insecurities, so when you "joke" about them like that in situations where it's not unlikely you're actually feeling them (because you obviously are otherwise you wouldn't joke about them), it causes him to get stressed out because it makes him feel like he needs to walk on eggshells in basic day-to-day interactions just to appease you. Not only that but it probably feels to him like a passive aggressive way of getting your point across.

Anonymous 45330

Honestly just do this. It'll make you feel better and it'll probably be an ego boost for him as well.

Anonymous 45338

I didn't read all of it, but honestly if you're clingy you can only be compatible with someone just as clingy.

Anonymous 45341

Please carefully listen to >>45325.

Anonymous 45372

You sound moreso like you have BPD. Take it from a person with BPD, lol. The thing is, I'm ashamed of having BPD so I pretend I'm less jealous than I really am. I don't make comments about women in real life. I accept my boyfriend has shit taste in women appearance-wise (because I know I'll be pegged as insecure if I disagree with my boyfriend, even if I genuinely do think some chick is unattractive who he thinks is attractive). However, it still comes out in that I really wish my boyfriend didn't watch porn (though I stress I wouldn't believe him anyway even if he claimed he didn't, so whatever) or save girls' pics on instagram.

I accept I'll be unhappy forever and I'm just glad I get fucked. That's how I get over this. My boyfriend goes wah over how I may never be happy with him, but meh, it's his fault. He should dump me if it bothers him this much I can't be happy because of him.

Sorry for blogposting.

Point is, you sound like you really have BPD. Try to hide it better so you can figure out what your bf is really like.


Advice for someone looking into dating other girls Anonymous 45170[Reply]

I've gone on a date recently with another girl, she's adorable and we have a good amount in common and I can see myself dating her. But I have no idea what the protocol or how exactly courting a girl would work, I'm also really worried that we'll eventually reach some hurdle that a girl/girl couple would struggle to get over. I'm also really worried that when you're dating a woman and you're walking home at night you won't be as safe with another woman than you would be a man, I like this girl but I really am worried of the difficulties that may arise from it.

Anonymous 45336

I don't have That much experience with it, I only had a girlfriend for about a month so take this with a grain of salt

I've found that dating a girl,it's more like dating a friend where you occasional do more coupley activities with.
While dating guys it feels more sexual and focused on the relationship.
Really I've found that all relationships have a hurdle to get over regardless of the sex makeup.

So weirdly enough the best advice is probably date her like how you would date a guy and combo it a bit with how you would hang out with your friends?

Also If you're worried about being safe at night without a man, I would highly suggest moving somewhere safer


Anonymous 44092[Reply]

why would someone actively encourage me to get into tinder and dating? is it cause they see me as a socially left behind autist?
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 44109

Was it a moid? Maybe it's their only option that works for them and they manthought they were being helpful.

Anonymous 44125

it was

Anonymous 44178

Moids when presented with a problem try to solve it in the most straightforward, brainless way, without thinking of context, feasibility or very real and immediate negative consequences.

If you presented to him something like the problem "I feel lonely", then his primitive brain computed "then you should date", and then he computed "people go to Tinder to date, lots of guys there."

There was no actual thought involved.

Anonymous 44352

OP didn’t say they were looking to meet people. They’re annoyed that people are telling them to, which you obliviously just did again like a true normie.

Anonymous 45315

If you apply context to that exchange and they're willing enough to continue process of elimination style, the back and forth that results may improve. I think, if you actually seek advice, it's important to recognize that everybody's on a different page and operate on the premise that your perspective is fundamentally alien to them.


Living with someone with a serious disorder or disability Anonymous 34633[Reply]

Part vent, part desperate plea for help…

My boyfriend whom I live with has OCD among other things. It wasn't a problem before, but the past 6 months it has been getting progressively worse. We spend 4-5 hours (possibly more, he cleans when I'm not home, too) cleaning every day. The whole apartment gets cleaned daily. We can't have any decorations because they'll quickly get "dirty" or become "dangerous." any niisefrom the upstairs or next door neighbors are because they're angry at us. Hands must be washed after everything. All surfaces constantly disinfected. If there's any splashing while washing, clothes must be changed, etc. Going out anywhere takes several hours of prep. After coming home, clothes must be taken off in the entryway, then one has to shower, then clean all areas where one walked (and hey, since you're cleaning already…. Do the other rooms, too!)

I desperately want him to get professional help, but he has trauma and is really distrustful of medical professionals. I offered to go to therapy /counseling together (no medications) but he refused.

I have my own disabilities and I know he's had to sacrifice to help me as well, so I'm usually patient and help. But all I do is work, clean, try to sleep but get waken up because something is dirty/dangerous, repeat. Sometimes for an hour or two he is back to his old self but then something happens and we're back to cleaning. It's so frustrating.

And of course I can't talk to anyone about it. I feel so isolated embarrassed, and frustrated that I can't do more and get won't get help.

Is anyone here in a similar situation (as either party)? What do you do? Any advice?
59 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38527

I think I have to realize it's not going to be a linear progression. The same goes for me. We've had some arguments, but after some seemingly small changes things are getting better for the time being. I finally had a full night's sleep last night and we had a nice meal together this morning. We're looking into couples counseling. Lately his family visited and privately told me "anon really doesn't seem like himself,he really needs help." So his mom his helping me now.

Anonymous 45297

Is this anon still around? What did you end up doing? How are things now?

Anonymous 45311

He was a lot better for one week in August that I had off. It was really nice and I thought things would get back to normal.

It’s still bad, I have to do all the chores and he’s convinced he’s going to get corona if he goes into the front hallway after the front door is opened. Toilet has to be cleaned every time someone poops. Kitchen has to be wiped down several times a day. Everything that enters the apartment has to be washed. He does none of this himself, yet he spends all day cleaning. He’ll clean the sink 10 times a day. He washes his hands for 10 minutes straight and still thinks they’re dirty.. But he doesn’t throw away his empty cans or trash.

I’m literally going insane and having breakdowns all the time. I’m going to start saving money and probably move back in with my parents once travel is possible again. I don’t want to but I don’t know how else to leave. I got a recommendation from a doctor to see a professional so I’m going soon.

Anonymous 45312

I’ve also tried multiple times to break up but he won’t. I told his mom we were no longer together and she told me she was concerned for me and wanted me to get mental help (which obviously I do need, but not for the reasons she thinks).

Anonymous 45314

Glad to hear you are making plans to leave. Wish you the best anon.


Being bullied in childhood/puberty Anonymous 45223[Reply]

>oh no, anon's here
>what did she said?
>stop following us
>what do you want from us?
>we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you
>I'm not joking, I wish to offend you
>you're not one of us
I wished to die or kill them all each time I heard it. Have you anons been bullied too?
9 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 45252

Sorry that happened to you but also
>having a pity friend
Do you realize you're the same as the people talked about ITT?

Anonymous 45258

>having a pity friend
Do you realize you're the same as the people talked about ITT?

I see the point you’re trying to make but this girl basically used me and thought I didn’t know. If someone else came along she would dump me or run away from me then be all friendly later when it was time to walk home together. My very first day of high school I found out that she had told people in my class about something that had happened to me when I was 6 (I’m still really curious how that played out as she wasn’t even in my class, how did the topic come up?). I meant “pity friend” as I didn’t let on to her that I knew she made faces at me behind my back when I spoke to her and never mentioned the thing about her dad. Most of the time in high school she flat out ignored me as she had other people to prey on, who I suspect were also just putting up with her. She was horrible but I let her do it as I felt sorry for her and I don’t think she realised that I knew what she was really like. Basically I let her low-key bully me and think I wanted to be her friend my entire time at school because I knew no one else liked her much. I never spoke to anyone about this apart from when I blew up at her, which I would never have done if she hadn’t told everyone about something embarrassing about me for the second time (that I know of, I could believe it happened more often).

Anonymous 45259

Why didn't you?

Anonymous 45262


Anonymous 45305

Well played anon, I hope you dream like a baby at night.


bpd pushed him away and i fucking miss him Anonymous 43867[Reply]

i’m so fucking sad I miss him so much he always said he would never abandon me and now he’s gone
i want to die. i was so close to just ending it when he left but i was hospitalized so i couldn’t
how do i find purpose in life i’m always so bored now and i just have nothing
3 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 43931

Here’s a serious answer; what happened? What went wrong? What made him so great? Give us more info and we’ll try to see what you can do

Anonymous 44462

I'm so sad to hear that. Don't worry though, we all have ups and downs. You will find someone better.

Anonymous 44580

relatable, but u dont need him anon. learn a new hobby, go on a nature walk, make new friends, its cheesy but you wont need him. i had to learn too, i was depressed violent for like 8 months, and i realized fuck that asshole. ur better off. this is nights without the constant anxiety of abandonment. nights you can sleep peacefully

Anonymous 44587

He didn’t deserve you. We all have someone made for us in the world, and by abandoning you he has secured his destiny with Jezebel.

Anonymous 45225

How did you push him away anon? Also surely you must still have a way of contacting him if you truly miss him so much?


Neet thread? Anonymous 44922[Reply]

Is anyone else a neet?
>How long has it been?
>How do you spend your days?

Honestly i'm so hopeless for the future and sad that i do nothing these days. I used to watch tv shows/animes/read mangas to cope when i was younger but they bore me now, same with video games, i never finish them. I despise social media so i don't have them, imageboards are fine sometimes but i feel like the toxicity is getting to me. I just stare at the ceiling and listen to music these days.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 44954


>tfw years of internet has destroyed your attention span and reading anything longer than a forum post has become impossible

Anonymous 45031

>almost 5 years
i need friends

Anonymous 45153

>2 and a half years
>Playing video games, watching mindless youtube, and browsing mindless imageboards
I want to die every day.

Why would covid affect neets? It hasn't affected me at all, literally done nothing but give me some free dosh. I live in the midwest and no one has bothered me about a mask the few times i've gone to the grocery store despite the signs saying it's required.

Anonymous 45154

The anxiety I feel every time I even think about doing something, anything is eating me alive. There is no escape, and there is certainly no hope.

Anonymous 45218

You can't have anime/shows/manga be the main "meat" of you life, it should complement your life like how salt adds flavor to your food.
Seems like you are missing a hobby or two in which you are engaged in, consuming media is kind of passive. We get bored/irritated if we don't balance out the passive/active actions in our life (my pet theory, disregard if it sounds like bs)
Active actions can include: socializing (zoom meetings count), exercising(light walks around the neighborhood is fine), learning something new etc etc.
I also league once in two days, even that shit game, is enjoyable if done sparingly.
And it doesn't have to be a grand ceremony or anything just different enough to knock you off of the rutt you are currently in. You can do it anon.


Anonymous 43110[Reply]

>diagnosed with anxiety at age 11
>minor symptoms, barely affects my life
>fast forward 8 years
>in the span of a year develop a major fear of storms and hypochondria, as well as frequent paranoid delusions
What the fuck happened
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 43183

Stop running up to people in their cars and screaming at them for not wearing masks, please. Thanks.

Anonymous 43210

>implying i leave my house

Anonymous 43277

Good. You're one of the smart ones.

Anonymous 43453

Just my onion but I think you're expecting more paranoia because of the trend to record strangers and post it online, or the trend of "lolcows"

Anonymous 45201

idk anon, but I have had the same thing happen to me. I've had mild anxiety for years, but suddenly last year I started have constant panic attacks and periods of dissociation. It's absolutely terrifying and, yeah it's easy for people to say "huh just calm down, do deep breathing, meditate" but that doesn't always work

hang in there. just keep reminding yourself it will pass

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