dealing with irrational (?) guilt and paranoia Anonymous 06/19/20 (Fri) 07:28:25 PM 37784 [Reply]
Does anyone else struggle with spiraling guilt and paranoia, feeling like you've hurt other people and damaged your reputation forever constantly but not being able to figure out if its real or rational?
I struggle hugely with executive function and I've been in a horrible depressive episode for over a month. Even though I told my roommate I would handle paying our rent, I didn't pay on time for May or June for literally no reason other than I couldn't get myself to write the check and walk less than a block to drop it off, and whenever I thought about doing it I got so overwhelmed with shame and anxiety I would put it off further. I finally dropped off the check for our rent for 2 months a few days ago. Luckily our landlord isn't charging late fees because of COVID, but we got a scary notice in the mail that I just opened and our cosigners (parents) also got notices. I feel so embarrassed and just completely irredeemable because I caused stress and worry for no reason and I don't know if this can affect our credit scores or reputations in some other way? And I've just been sitting here spiraling for an hour trying to decide if I really did something wrong and wronged my roommate and damaged my relationship with her, or if it's okay. This happens to me all the time with various situations where I'm worried I've wronged someone but I don't know if it's something that I can expect people to forgive me for or not? It doesn't help that I'm hypersensitive and I know that other people aren't but it's really hard for me to understand how people who aren't like me react to interpersonal situations, or situations that would make me anxious but a normal person wouldn't worry about. And I wish I could just ask my roommate about it, but I don't think there's a non-insane way to ask about that? She knows I struggle with depression and possible ADHD, she has ADHD, and she helped her girlfriend with a serious depressive episode/her ongoing MH issues, so I think she would be understanding, but would she? I have no idea how much leeway I should expect from people because of my mental health issues. We're also close friends, but I see things on social media where people are talking about resenting or abandoning their friends for things that seem insane to me so ??? Any tips on dealing with guilt, paranoia, or just not trusting yourself to accurately interpret situations because you're an autist? Anonymous 06/21/20 (Sun) 08:33:31 PM 37836 >>37784
I used to have feelings similar to this but in the end I just broke down and couldn't care anymore.
It's much better, even if it is really hard, to just try and do these things. You should ask your friend for their banking info so you can just transfer the money instead of having to talk to them, or maybe leave cash in their room. I don't like talking to people at all and usually just stare at them but I dunno if you feel that way as well.
Also sorry but I never found a way to deal with the feelings of guilt and paranoia except for pretending that it wasn't there.