I think you have some misconceptions about mental health that are holding you back from being happy/helping your bf be happy.
>I'm not a fan of therapy (it feels like there is a third person in the relationship)
A (good) therapist is just a third party who helps you talk to each other. A lot of relationship problems happen because one or both parts of the couple don't know how to properly communicate their issues. In the case of depression, a lot of people don't even know how to recognize their own problems and verbalize them, so they don't know how to start working on them because they haven't understood the concrete issue(s) yet. Therapy can help with all of this, but of course it requires a person who's willing to do the work.
>or anti-depressants (they don't solve the problem, just make the feelings go away) so I don't want to recommend that he tries them.
They're not supposed to solve the problem, they're just supposed to balance you out a bit so you have fewer hurdles in your way to work on your problems. Both therapy and medication don't work on people who don't want to put in work. They're just tools to support you.
>He manages to work ok and is normal when talking to other people, though that doesn't happen much. It's only me he is depressed around.
It's hard not to take this personally, but I don't believe that you're the cause/recipient of his depression. I think what's happening is that he's functioning in his daily life because he can pull himself together for an amount of time, but when he's at home and can be himself, he shows his real feelings.
>It's not just that he is sad but mean too. He also complains we don't have sex but twice told me sex was boring so I'm not interested anymore.
This is incredibly hurtful to hear and I'm sorry. Most likely it's his depression killing his libido, so when he does have sex he doesn't really enjoy it, but this, again, is not your fault and I'm sorry that he's damaging your self esteem.
>I know it sounds like we should just break up, but I don't have anywhere else to live, especially with corona. I don't get on with my family and I don't think flights are even open here yet if I did want to go back to my country. I don't speak the local language so I can't just find a local place to stay.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.