/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>27338 >>27340
lmao you guys

K (Not being mean, literally the letter K, when anglicized.) Her actual name is in Chinese. Not surprised how prevalent ghosting is

>>27342
Be good to your friends yall

i really fucking hate how much you hurt me. i have tried to forgive you, move on, and heal, but each time we have spoken it feels as though it is happening all over again. i wish you still loved me, cared for me, needed me. you really, really hurt me. i feel so used. you were always there and you just grew distant and had no problem leaving me to rot. that stung. i am so angry and upset at the world. i feel so depressed. i do not want to live, i feel disgusting. i wish i never depended on you, i was naive to do so. i wish i never let you hurt me as you did. i wish you could feel a sliver of what this feels like, but i know that isnt fair to say. i know i cant ever really know how you feel. im sorry if i was never good enough for you, but i really tried to be, but i think in the end im not really good enough for anyone. im sorry i had to burden you when we were together. i know that wasnt okay. i wish i knew what to say but i dont. im just hurting a lot and i want it to end. i dont think i deserve this.

C,
You have every right to block me. I can't be there for you anymore.

S,
Not a day has gone by without you plaguing my thoughts. I wish you told me how serious it really was, I would've dropped everything immediately to be by your side. I wish I was able to hold your hand one last time, and say goodbye properly even though you hate sentimentality. Maybe that's why you didn't tell me. I haven't said anything to anyone here what happened to you. I know they'd let me off the hook to go be with my family, but I have to finish. Staying busy is the only thing keeping me alive right now. I can't even cry anymore, it feels like I've drained myself of all of my tears. When this is over, I'll be there to tell your mom I'm sorry, to help her and your sister with anything they need. I'll bring sunflowers for you.

I've barely slept, but when I do sleep, all I do is dream about you. But in my dreams we're little kids again, on the beach, collecting seashells and building sandcastles. I remember when you found that sunset colored seashell and gave it to me. I wish I still had it.

There is no one more deserving of a long, happy life than you. I would give anything to take your place so you could live free and healthy. But life is unfair.

If God exists, we'll be reunited.

I got nothing to get off my chest that I haven't already moved on from already for the most part.

But today, something came up and blew up in my father's face that I told him a long time ago and it makes me sad it had to get to this point. I can see my father is afraid for his job and angry as well but still angry for the wrong reasons.

>tl;dr He has an anger problem, and does not handle stress with grace, I saw this while working with him and I just see it in his home life. And every time I try to call him out on his flaws, or something that is very wrong and bad that he does, he takes the high ground about how he's the provider of the home, ect, you don't know how hard my life is, and all this other trash to try to high road me as if everything I say is invalid. I gave up as a teen to care for his health, he shown he has no care to live a healthy lifestyle if it means makes their child happy. That why he didn't give up beer, and that's why he's still an angry man today.

Today an employee was confronted about his inability to attend work for many months, this is like going unto month 5 and they can't keep holding an empty seat from him. He kinda threw my father and the work environment under the bus, which is filled with rage, anger, yelling and in general a HR nightmare to deal with if any of these people decided to lawyer up about the unsafe work environment emotionally. But truth is all of them kind of buckled down by lead and act out in anger in their own gross ways now and it is the single most toxic work environment I've ever seen in my life. So he realized after leaving there, that working there sucks dick, and he never wants to work inside that building again, he wants to work externally instead with these reasons. So now HR is finally aware of the toxic work environment that is the branch my father runs, his arrogance and his "I just say things the way I see them." attitude is going to fuck him full force in the next coming days. And I actually feel bad for him because if he wasn't such a god damn ass hat the fall wouldn't have to impact me to the point where I'll have to work a job I can't if he gets fired to make ends meet. I just want to so bad, so so bad sit there and tell him "Remember all of those things I said as a teen where being this angry isn't good? This is why I said it, but you acted like you were better than me. A fucking teenager told you better life advice that would have Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>26771
I'm like 98% sure they're just being ironic…

I've had two. The first one went okay for a while (few months?) but fizzled out. We never really made any plans and it all felt kinda weird and detached. I don't even remember anything about the guy now.

My husband and I started out as an LDR. We'd already been online friends for years, and I guess our feelings just kind of mutually deepened at the same time. Anyway, one of the first things we did when we realized feels were beginning was to start making plans to meet in person. That honestly helped keep the relationship going as much as anything - just having something more concrete to look forward to. He flew out and visited once, and before he even went back home we were already starting to make plans to move closer together.

While we were waiting to get together, we'd talk on the phone or draw on virtual whiteboards together or have "movie nights" where we'd stream the same movie at the same time on our desktops while chatting on our laptops. But the conversation would always circle back around to getting together in person. If we hadn't had that to look forward to, or if we'd just had vague ideas and no actual plan or timetable, I think things would've eventually fallen apart.

I wouldn't say that LDRs never work, but based on my experiences and those of my friends, I believe they have a much better chance if you're actively making plans to make them SDRs.

>>26845
Pretty much, an ldr only works if you want to actively end it - by that I mean turn it into a normal relationship. Distance sucks but meeting people online has never been easier, and chances of finding someone you can connect with are higher than ever due to that.

Mine is going on a year and a half now and we spend time together every few months. I love him deeply. It works for me but prepare for a lot of emotional instability

I used to never care about romantic relationships then I had an LDR (that I never even met kek) which ended after a few months and now I often have long bouts of yearning/longing. Feels pretty pathetic desu I wish I never started that in the first place

>>27199
But it bothers me a lot. It's stressful and I constantly feel unhappy.

move forward on cognition over suggestion.

people and influences only mean something if you truly love them instead of what just feels good momentarily. passion is creation.
dont flutter around meeting just anyone. To let go and have spontaneity you need the right group and feel good about it.
you will have more meaningful conversations the more you let go of expectations and attachment.

>how to find yourself?
"finding yourself" is a shitty meme phrase that doesn't mean anything - therefore it makes it really hard to answer the question how to find yourself.

just keep growing up, finish school, get a job. you're probably full of free time right now, too much free time is also bad and won't help with your mind wandering

>>27200
Just focus on what you've always liked. Your association of that stuff with "time I actually felt like shit" is the wrong way to look at things. Those things helped carry you through. Don't look at them badly.

>>27198
ADD?

>>27315
I have 1 younger sister and 3 older half sibling (2 sisters and a brother). when I was a kid I was close with my older brother and sister and looked up to them. now I realise theyre awful people and dont want anything to do with them. my mum calls me rude when I ignore them but I dont care. I dont have time for shitty people

me and my little sister are 1 year apart but the other three are much older than us. in their 20s when we were born

>>27324
i can relate to this, but for me it was my older sister. she was extremely abusive toward me and i believe she mimicked it from when my dad abused me (i don't really see how else she would become this way beginning at such a young age) i felt really alone and worthless, especially when my mom was busy or working and wasn't always there to witness how awful she was. the physical abuse from her and my dad combined gave me so much trauma, and it really was unfortunate because i dont know how a big sister could have been that way. we don't speak now, if we do its when she visits my mom rarely, and while shes grown up shes still really, really awful to me most of the time. i just cannot imagine being that way toward a younger sibling. if i was an older sister, i would love my little sister and protect her at all costs. id give her the world and spend time with her and teach her things. i could never be mean to her.

I have a brother who is 2 years younger than me and I love him but it's always been a turbulent relationship. I do confide in him and we're super close which is nice but still have huge issues and drive each other insane.

I never really considered having an older brother cause I've always been focused on wanting a sister.I always wished I had a sister, younger or older. do you not have any other siblings, anon?

Pretty sure being an only child is the main reason I've grown up so weird. My parents were completely distant and I didn't socialise much so I got used to playing by myself with imaginary friends. Still talk to them regularly now. I can't understand people a lot and get exhausted with them really quickly. Also stops you experiencing a lot of media, I think an older sibling of some kind would have helped me a lot, even if you don't get on you're still learning about people

>>27315
>Someone who was there to protect me when I got bullied or hurt, someone who was a mentor who looked out for me,
If only. I have an older brother (2 years older) and he fucking hated me growing up. Did absolutely none of the things you described despite me being a bullied, friendless child who needed that protection.

We're now 26 and 28 and barely talk unless I run into him. I have a better friendship with his girlfriend. The end.

>>27376
I honestly don’t think you’re trying hard enough if you don’t mind literal goblin faced manlets seeing as there are countless average to decent looking men who watch cartoons and listen to music on the internet that want a tall gf.

Stop stalking random people on the internet and start taking action. Message him or anyone else you’re interested in, it’s not as though there’s going to be repercussions to simply talking.

I have an important assessment coming up in august. my uni emailed me telling me to contact my teacher for details, so I did. he basically blew me off telling me Id know what the assessment was about when he released it in several weeks

in the meantime I have no idea what to study because he wont even tell me what it will be about. hes such a smug annoying cunt

So I'm having a problem right now. I've been living with two friends of mine, A and B who are completely opposite when it comes to tidiness. A is a very neat person, while B is messy. I'm a messy person too, but I mostly keep my clutter confined to my room. Back when we lived in a dorm together, B was extremely messy but has since gotten significantly better. The only issue from my perspective is that she seldom cleans the litterbox for her cat that she keeps in our supply closet, so sometimes the cat tracks litter in the living area. I'll ask B to clean it, but usually A cleans out of disgust. A will usually clean up B's messes, but be very passive-aggressive about it, confining to me about her frustrations and letting it fester instead of confronting B. For example, B was gone for a few days and forgot to clean her cat's litter box beforehand and it made the entire living area smell like shit, so A put it in B's room without messaging her (I was under the impression she texted her about it) and the cat started dragging B's clothing into the box so she'd have space to use it since it was filled with shit. So B returned livid because her clothing was covered with piss and shit.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago B left a pen in her a pair of pants that exploded in our dryer, covering the interior with blue ink and didn't tell either of us. A noticed it and messaged B about it while she was at work, who apologized and said she didn't notice. A started going off on her, telling her she never notices any of the messes she makes and they start going at it. B threatens A that if she messages her again she'll block her, and at that point I tell A she should drop it and that we should all talk about cleaning in person so expectations are apparent. I ask her the next day if she told B about us all sitting down and having a meeting, but she told me B and her made up and there's no problem.

Fast forward to last Sunday, B leaves for work and ignores me when I tell her goodbye. I ask A if B's okay and she says they got into another argument. Apparently B came home from her first job and asked A if she could have one of her beers it get some sleep before her second job and A said no. So then B asked if she could go out and buy her beer (B is under 21) and A said no and that she didn't want her drinking before driving to work. B snaps and says that A isn't her mom and needs to stop nagging her all the time, telling her when she can and can't drink Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>27392
Your friends sound childish. How do grown adults still act like this? Why haven’t you told B to get her act together since it’s very clearly her fault for everything?

>>27376
>tfw messaged him like a fool and he ghosted me
Real femcel hours, sisters!!!
I'll give it a week since I asked a lot of questions, but honestly I doubt he'll reply. I was too blunt as usual tsk.

I found it funny that I pointed out that he posts often on r/short and today he's been avoiding it which he hasn't done in MONTHS. kek

>>27380
You're right. I am making good effort though, especially irl…it just never falls through.

>>21968
>this
I know there's this big push to get married in your early 20's, especially for women, but there's no need. Most of these young married couples who just got married because of "lol it's the right time" will end up divorced in 10 years.
I get that feel too. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get married because I'm 22 years old and single while all of my colleagues are in serious relationships/getting engaged/marrying. However, us "left over women" are better off in the end. How many attractive successful men are in a massive rush to get married by 25? Exactly.

>>21931
Disregard the naysayers. Make your dreams come true, anon! Just be careful, patient, and don't let anyone squeeze you for what they want.

i know how you feel anon.
something about having a person just feels comfy. i want a domestic partnership so bad, but i also know how important it is to find that right fit. a relationship should grow

>>21968
Waiting longer while being with someone, trying to figure out if they're right for you? Sure. Otherwise no.

>>21972
>> How many attractive successful men are in a massive rush to get married by 25? Exactly.

Ehhhhh… older anon here (31) in my experience the men who want to commit do so early. How many attractive successful men are in a massive rush to get married? Not many. But not many attractive successful men want to commit. The ones who do tend to do so surprisingly early, and the ones who don’t early tend not to later, or only do so for appearances and then either cheat or treat their partner as a trophy wife or both. The attractive successful guys I know who wanted to be committed to someone didn’t get married young but they were paired up with their eventual wives pretty early.

>>24281
You need to really try to gather your strength as a mature adult and end the relationship. You clearly aren’t happy, and he is obviously being mean as hell if not emotionally abusive.

It can be hard to leave when you realize you’ve grown apart in a relationship. It’s tempting to think about the tender moments, the best parts, the sweet things- and to stay and endure.

But girl, he isn’t worth it. You’re wasting your time and your life and your energy. It might seem worse to be “alone”, but it’s not. It’ll allow you to focus on yourself and grow much faster than you would without him dragging you down.

You need to tell him how you feel. Tell him you don’t think the relationship is working. If he asks why, don’t get into it too much (he’ll probably try to flip it like “we’ll you’re being jealous//sensitive!”)
Just say “I feel like you take me for granted, you don’t appreciate me, and your attention is elsewhere all the time. I deserve better, and it hurts me to be around someone I once cared about now that our relationship has come to this.”

>>24281
I dont want to be rude but maybe hes right? Maybe you are boring and thats the reason he doesnt talk to you?

Your bf sounds like trash. If you want to be treated better, find someone new. He was all nice at the beginning like most strangers are to each other. Now the mask has fallen off and you see him for how he really is. A disgusting gnat of person with no future.

>>24994
hi anon. please hang in there, okay! i know it will be tough, but you do not deserve this. he does not care, why waste your time caring for him or anything he has to say? it makes me giggle that he calls you a normie…it very much reflects his character and ego.

>>24994
>he said he didn't believe in being 'better', all he cares about is being different
I can see while some individuality is ok at the cost of some negative traits, but that fact he admits to not even wanting to be better is pretty retarded. I dunno what anime he has been watching, cause most every one that i have seen emphasizes self sacrifice, self improvement, and resolve to an extreme extent.

>How is your life now (single, married, education, job, etc.)?
I'm in a committed, long-term relationship, but not married. College grad, employed full time at a job I enjoy most of the time.

>How did life change in comparison to the previous years?
More bills. More responsibilities beyond myself.

>What are the advantages of being at this age?
None, really.

>How do people treat you?
I've become more proactive and assertive so I get more respect than I used to. People are often a bit surprised that I'm almost in my thirties. But I've always been a late bloomer and immature for my age. Now I come off as normal until people attempt friendship beyond small talk.

>>27261
>Married at 26, pregnant at 30.
Nice. I 'm hitting 30 soon and want to start a family so badly.

>>27259
>How is your life now (single, married, education, job, etc.)?
Dating someone and it's going pretty great. Not sure how it's going so great honestly. Finished education a long time ago, and these days I'm self-employed. Money isn't great, but the hours and freedom are nice. Long-term it probably wont be enough, but for the moment it's keeping me going.

>How did life change in comparison to the previous years?
Honestly the biggest change was starting to give less and less of a shit about things like peer pressure / what people around me thought. I was never all that susceptible but it still used to prey on me pretty hard. Nowadays, not at all. It's been pretty nice.

>What are the advantages of being at this age?
I guess as above, I'm way more able to deal with my problems now. Not necessarily actually solve them, but at least being able to start tackling them without always feeling ashamed over them. All my friends were doing great and settling down, and I was just kinda here slowly falling apart for a long time.

>How do people treat you?
I still get mistaken for a college student, which is sometimes nice but also very frustrating. It isnt a huge deal usually, but it can be very annoying when people assume I don't know what I'm doing.
Most annoyingly, I just sometimes put my gender neutral middle name on work instead of my real name, and get a better response.

>>27260
Can I ask how you got out of your NEET/thinking you'd be dead by 30-state? Did you get a sudden ephiphany or did it happen naturally?

>How is your life now (single, married, education, job, etc.)?
In a relationship, college drop out. Make around six figures doing what I love.

>How did life change in comparison to the previous years?
A few years ago, after contemplating it for a long time, I attempted suicide by gun and failed because some people were there for me. I had finally just plain broken under a lifetime of abuse. After that point I tried my best to put it all behind me. I was real with myself that I can choose a good life ending in death or a bad life ending in death, and I stopped bitching about the injustice of the world and made my choice. My life change was a complete 180 from thereon, though changes were definitely not overnight.

>What are the advantages of being at this age?
Super cliche: I feel younger than I've ever been and like my whole life is ahead of me. I realize how small and unimportant my years up until this point were. Just a few decades of suffering that I can't even really remember, full of stuff that felt so important at the time but are inconsequential now. All of my abusers, my trauma, the people who wronged me, none of them can even taste the dust on my heels. I live a good life and no one in my past would even recognize me if we crossed the street.

This is turning into a blog post but I guess I wanted to express that life changes, if you're the kind of person who's really down right now. So many hurt, depressed girls who don't make it to their twenties and beyond because they have no way to see that there's a chance that they can be happy, and that their abusers won't be able to ever hurt them again.

>How do people treat you?
With respect and care. I work a respectable job in a high end location and look put together to those who don't know me. I'm still fucked up inside and patching things up for some time yet. Because of that I just assume anyone no matter how successful or flawless they look have experienced grief the same as me if not greater.

OP dont blame yourself its their fault for putting you under that pressure. they probably dont even care about your response, catcalling is inherently predatory.

ive been catcalled a lot and it makes me feel scared and embarrassed and i hate it to the point where i have resting bitch face to avoid it (doesnt work, now men just tell me to smile instead)

Am I weird in that I usually interpret cat calls as friendly/benign? I'm a distance runner and am frequently out running in just short booty shorts and a sports bra, and have a conventionally attractive body, and I get cat called all the time. But usually when a guy or guys say something I just laugh and say something joking back and literally 100% of the time they laugh and smile back and holler something more polite/appropriate as I keep running along. I have never felt unsafe, never been chased, never had guys act aggressive towards me. Is everyone else here just repeating memes about the catcalling experience as real life? Am I naive? Am I lucky? For context I usually run in well lit areas in a medium-large city in the US Midwest, usually weekday mornings or weekend afternoons, so there are other people around when this happens.

>>27253
They don’t come off as dangerous or anything to you because you let them have their way and interact with them. The issues start if you don’t see their cat calls as something super charming/funny/quirky and don’t smile at them as they want you to.

If you just walk/run past them without smiling or acknowledging them those compliments will very quickly turn into insults, in my experience.

>>24508
Catcalling doesn't really happen in my country unless you are around really drunk people because people are too shy and don't disturb strangers. So when I was in US people catcalled but I had no idea what it actually meant. I thought it was people trying to be friendly and meeting others that way so I stopped and started talking to them. They had no idea how to respond and I didn't understand why they didn't want to talk after all.

>>27304
cont.
So I think it doesn't really mind that you ignore them because they don't wait for an answer anyway and do it mostly to show off friends or act how some think males should act. >>27304

Get a pet?

Abstaining from cuddling makes one stronger.