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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


How’d you two meet? Anonymous 103164[Reply]

How did you meet the person you’re with?
The last/best person you’ve been with?
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103168

We met when I was 17 and he was 22, training for a work certification. He was funny, kind, smart and until that point I thought I was a lesbian. He drove me home one night because he didn't want me taking a risky train journey, and when we pulled into my driveway I leaned over to kiss him and…he rejected me because I was too young. We stayed friends, and I pined for him, even started dating my awful high school ex-gf to make him take notice, which was really just proving his point. We worked together throughout college, lived together for a year and were generally good friends.

We didn't get together until I was 22, had just graduated and walked to his new house to flat out seduce him. I know he's socially retarded, so I just told him "We've been together for 5 years, lived and worked together, we have all the same friends, want the same things from life. Please date me." which worked.

Anonymous 103170

google hangouts as a tween. dated twice now we don't talk and she's happy in her current relationship after years of rebounding off everyone. hope she's doing ok. once we broke up on google hangouts was funny/sad.

Anonymous 103172

I've sat and thought about it briefly and I think this might be the sweetest thing I've ever read. I almost don't believe it can be real.
I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.

Anonymous 103285

I met all my bfs (and my current) over tinder (and 1 from /soc/ which was gnarly). I had 1 gf who I met irl. In my country it is like impossible to get natural connections irl with guys because the non-psycho-non-fuckboy men are terminally shy and oblivious to flirting.

I wish I never met my bf over tinder because I wish I had a cute getting together story. But overall I recommend it if you have the time and know how to text men (aka just being nice and responding)

Anonymous 104078

My friend saw his modelling photos on fb and set us up on a date.


I was contacted by my abusive ex boyfriends’ most recent ex Anonymous 104067[Reply]

For context: I haven’t spoken to my abusive ex in well over three years and I was only aware he was dating someone new about a year ago when I finally got around to blocking some of his side/spam accounts (had her name in his bio). I received a random Instagram message the other day from someone I didn’t recognize and they very briefly asked me if I had ever dated ex. Her reasoning for contacting me was trying to figure out why me and ex had broken up in the first place because he had never told her (no surprise there) and I assume she wanted to see if there was some pattern of behavior. The whole situation however has just left me feeling so fucking angry. I finally had put most of it behind me, but finally realizing that this awful man had done the same exact thing to another innocent woman, an even younger woman than myself to boot, has made me so irrationally upset. I guess I was hoping the pain I had gone through was a selfish one and that he would treat the people he dated in the future better, but of course not he’s just actual scum. Like myself this poor girl had wasted years and thousands of dollars on him and had nothing to show for it, but emotional scars and insecurities moving forward. I just don’t understand how the worst men get to continually treat women like this and get no punishment for it.

Anonymous 104069

That's terrible. That's how it is with abusers, their pattern of behaviors don't change… Did she end up leaving him too?

Anonymous 104070

I always wished the exes of people I've dated would've reached out and warned me. I always was tempted to contact them before dating their partners but was worried they'd be angry or I'd bring back bad memories or they'd think I was some hand maiden trying to make them jealous or something, but in truth every time I just dated a guy who kept basically repeating the same mistakes in every relationship

Anonymous 104071

I believe she was the one to break things off. I’m proud that she was able to make that choice for herself.

Anonymous 104072

I had always thought of doing this too, but then I was worried the woman would think I was some scorned ex trying to get back at him. Also it’s just hard to go off such little information (a name in bio) to try to contact with. The only reason she found me in the first place was because of an old post he had up


bf deserves better Anonymous 103742[Reply]

be me
>neet for almost 2 years.
>socially anxious. lost most of her friends because was scared to talk to them and worsen relationships over time.
>constant fuck up.
>chubby, stress eating.
>lazy and procrastinating.
>super possessive of people.
>was mega insecure as a teen so did questionable stuff online as 15-16yo, still blaming herself for it.

be him
>super fit, attractive, hot, takes good care of himself, good sense of fashion.
>3.9 GPA.
>showers me in unexpected gifts.
>literal millionaire. makes shit ton of money, hardworking. literally so attractive when working jfc.
>made sure I can move in with him.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103754

If a man puts a ridiculous amount of investment into someone it means he is devoted and sees potential in you, just work at it steadily to show your improvement and willingness to have a future with him.

Anonymous 103763

Do you suffer from impostor syndrome OP? It sounds like you have some sort of version of it, just related to your boyfriend instead of your studies or your job.

Anonymous 103791

I jealous, how can I obtain one? Where u find him OP?

Anonymous 103832

He obviously sees something worthwhile in you, or he wouldn't be with you. You should focus on that and try to work on a more positive self image. The biggest risk of fucking this up is your brainworms.

Also this. Channelling your self-doubt into self-improvement is the way to a positive outcome.

Anonymous 104055

how tf did you find someone like him/get him interested in you


Taking a crappy job Anonymous 103761[Reply]

I used to get perfect grades without too much effort in high school, then near the end this got messed up for various reasons. Still managed to get into college but things still bad. Took some years out and now doing some distance courses and getting perfect grades again.

Meanwhile, I've been struggling to get a job for a long time and have been applying literally everywhere. I live in the big city now thanks to my bf. I know a few other people from high school and college are also here because they have good careers.

How do I cope if I'm stuck working in McDonald's and someone I know comes in? Either they are going to think "Haha I knew she was dumb, no wonder she ended up here" or "What a pity. All those good grades got you here?". It feels self absorbed to care about these things but I can't seem to shake the thought. I'm not going to turn down a job but I feel like I will be paranoid and feel deeply shameful if someone I know comes in.

It's not that I look down on people in these jobs (I actually have a lot of respect for them as I know they aren't easy) but I have a lot of mental baggage. A lot of my self worth comes from being smart as it's the only thing I'm good at. I got bullied in high school and it involved rumors being spread about me. I don't want people gossiping about me again, even if I'm not in contact with them. I'm not on social media so I can't post things that add context.

I'm over thinking things and shouldn't care but I suppose it feels like I will have worked hard to turn things around (getting good grades, having a job, getting to the big city) but the person that used to know me will take one look and think I'm a dumb loser and I'll feel like I'm at rock bottom again.
15 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103997

OP here. I agree with your post. I'm happy working a basic job if I have enough to live on and I love the idea of it not bleeding into my spare time. Ideally low stress and allows me work alone.

Saying that, I spend all my spare time studying various things and I'm pretty smart so I guess part of it feels a bit like a waste too. I see people being lazy or doing their job badly and it's frustrating that no one will consider me for their positions when I know I could do better. But then I don't even want most of these jobs.

I suppose my problem is not actually a fear of someone seeing me, but me imaging what they are thinking based on what I feel about myself deep down. I need to remind myself to put myself first and not focus on what other people think or the greater good or whatever.

>She had somehow landed a lucrative job at an insurance firm, despite her degree being science

This is actually pretty common. They want people who can think critically. She isn't special. Most people get their jobs through connections too, in which case the subject matters even less.

Anonymous 104000

>Saying that, I spend all my spare time studying various things and I'm pretty smart so I guess part of it feels a bit like a waste too.

Sometimes I feel like it can be a "waste", but at the same time I couldn't imagine myself being restricted to a single field of study. There's freedom that comes with not having to stick to a single path, and I feel as though few people nowadays have as wide a reading list as mine. Hopefully by the time I'm 40 I'll have a deep connective understanding of many fields that will provide me with unending richness in how I view the world (I already have an inkling of that feeling now). I also like the freedom that comes with not having to be good at it. In school I always felt like I had to get As or HD's; now I can read material and there's little pressure on actually being good - if I get it I get it and if not I can move on.

>imaging what they are thinking based on what I feel about myself deep down.

Most people project their own feelings onto you. For example, my manager (who is a lovely woman) recently lost her husband. He was very old and, from what I can tell, he was a huge burden on her. She never described him as such, but she had to do a lot extra to pick up the slack. I projected my own feelings onto her; I couldn't help but assume she was secretly happy that he was finally gone and no longer causing her stress. I wouldn't dare express this publicly because I know she loved him, but it's a secret suspicion I carry because it's how I would respond to the situation. If it were actually true that I was right, rather than thinking less of her, I would probably think more highly of her for being more like me.
I will extrapolate this and conjecture that if people think less of you because of their projections, then they're really self-loathing. People think there's something wrong with me because I chose something I enjoy over money. In a way I think it's self-loathing, or perhaps envy, that I have what I want.

>They want people who can think critically.

>Most people get their jobs through connections too.
In her case these are both true. I don't even know if she finished her degree. I know many others from high school who dropped out of their degree half-way thrPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 104004

I left college after my freshman year due to mental health and the fact that I got screwed over by my high school best friend who I made the mistake of rooming with as a freshman. She treated me like shit once we got to college. I ended up actually getting a job at McDonald's. Honestly, there were times when I saw people I knew and felt embarrassed. Plus, that former friend found out through another friend where I was working. I'm pretty sure she made fun of me for it because I once looked at her facebook and saw she left a one-star rating of the exact location I worked at.

I went back to college and even went to grad school, though I finished years later than I should have. Things worked out for me exactly when they needed to, and now, I have a great budding career and a lot of things going for me that I never thought possible. That friend, however, doesn't seem much different than she was 10 years ago, and she definitely seems to have peaked during college. I'm more successful than she is today, even though she used to act like she was better than me and made fun of me and my family for being poor.

Maybe this story isn't helpful, but I'm just saying anyone who'd mock/look down on someone for their job probably lacks the character to be a happy or successful person anyway. The fact that you've gone back to school shows that you have character and drive, so you shouldn't be concerned with the opinion of anyone who'd judge you. I'm proud of having worked a crappy job (I ended up working there multiple times during college breaks) because it allowed me to keep paying for school to get me where I am today. Sorry such a long post.

Anonymous 104023

School isn't actual ability. The reason it isn't that important is because it's a poor indicator of ability, whereas the things outside of it are more solid.

Anonymous 104053

>College and university aren't that important
>Poor indicator of ability
Trueeeee I think that someone who fails a degree in medicine should be given a chance anyway…


Anonymous 104019[Reply]

My mom is probably mentally not particulary healthy and idk what to do now.
Of course I love her as her child, which makes the situation even worse. She is a bit obsessed with me (only child). She behaves completely different towards me than to others and she pays me a lot of money for my studies, or rather living with my bf and paying rent and food.
I don't really know how to even describe the problem I would like to talk about.
She and my dad have always argued a lot since I remember, but never divorced. They are completely different types of personalities. Recetly they don't argue that much, but she is practically terrorizing anybody who doesn't want to do what she wants. She is a manager and experiences a lot of stress at her work. She cope by sport and tourism, but it is getting out of hand. She walks or runs many km everyday. She needs to go for tourism and sights every weekend for both days. She doesn't really have any good friends (and doesn't talk with her family) to go with and since I don't live there all the time, she makes my dad to go with her. He isn't interested in it, but she yells at him until he yields to go.

She have this crazy mood swings when she yell and somebody and in 10 minutes brings them presents. She also often change plans (like 5 times and often in very short term) and changes her opinions from extreme to extreme. She never makes concessions, for example they wanted to see me for my bday. Me and my dad wanted to go to a pub for beer, but she doesn't like pubs (it was a nice and design pub), so she was very unpleasant and trying to cause argue with him. She also never listens to anybody telling her what to do and doing only what she thinks fit.

For example they agreed to go away for few days and I should have come to be at their house. The day before the departure, she reportedly started screaming at dad, refusing to go. She never said why and she told is was because something I strongly doubt. She was in such a rage, my dad left the house driving just far away because she was saying him to get out.
I knew this before I called her and asked where dad is - she told me she doesn't know, probably arranging something. She was clearly nervouse but didn't want to tell me what happened.

I suspect her to have a kind of personality disorder. But I don't know what to do, because this situation is unsustainable but I am afraid of telling her something. She is incredibly mean to my father, bPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 104022

usually when women get like this it's because the men have done or are doing something that's driving them insane (e.g. gaslighting, a major betrayal, weaponized incompetence, stonewalling or avoidance etc.). These ways of psychologically abusing women are often subtler and harder to notice than outright yelling, which is what makes them so much more insidious. Try to understand what's really happening.

Anonymous 104024

might be autism

Anonymous 104028

yeah except she is clearly the abusive party in every relationship she has, to the point of both her husband and daughter being terrified of saying anything to her.

Sounds like your mother might have BPD or some sort of manic disorder. Her behavior sounds like it would be very difficult to deal with, especially from a mother. I hope for the best for all of you.

If she could understand her problems, it might make her better able to control herself and apologize after episodes of rage, but ultimately BPD can't really be "cured" it can only be managed. Of course that is still better than this. The problem is that the only way to get it treated is if she wants it to be treated, and the only way she would want it to be treated was if she saw the pain it caused to people she loves. As long as everybody goes along with it, she will continue.

Anonymous 104029

>She have this crazy mood swings when she yell and somebody and in 10 minutes brings them presents.
sounds like my mom. complete mental case. but she was also raped as a kid. makes me wonder if that is the reason she acts like that. sorry i feel i don't have advice for you. it's difficult to revert personality disorders like this especially if the person refuses help.

i don't condone manipulation tactics but since she puts you on a pedestal you can use this to guilt trip/question/stonewall her behaviour for the better until she considers working on herself. make her doubt her abusive actions and turn it into a problem between the two of you, until she turns it into a problem with herself.

Anonymous 104031



Have I left femceldom? Anonymous 103843[Reply]

Lately, I’ve been complimented by girls on my looks everyday this past week in addition to 1 guy. Them telling me that I look “pretty”. I am unsure about being conventionally attractive.

I have a wobbly head and oil-prone acne on my face. Basically, I am actually pretty unattractive. I would rate myself a 4, a 5 at best. I think I have a nice body but my face ruins my looks. I am not photogenic at all and I absolutely hate taking pictures because I end up looking really bad in them. I don’t mind compliments on more objective things like clothes and hair but being complimented on my looks feels deceptive.

If I am so pretty, why is it mostly girls saying this? Is it out of pity? Do they see an ugly girl trying to look more attractive and think to compliment her to make her day, something akin to a pig wearing makeup? I know girls often lie to each other to make ourselves feel better. It’s like patronizing the autistic kid.

I’m used to being called ugly and I’ve been bullied for it. And this wasn’t years ago, this was like a year ago. I highly doubt I’ve become extremely attractive in a matter of a year so what’s going on?

I had one experience of a girl saying, “She’s so pretty. See, I told you! I saw her the other day.” Not here to “brag”. I feel like a freakshow.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103855

>It's hard to say without context but it is possible that the friend meant "gross" towards him, as in a "ew why are you simping for a girl" kind of thing. It sounds kinda like a non sequitur for him to say that towards you?
You know, what, this thought crossed my mind as well. I started to wonder if he was really into me because he's also acted weirdly around me when it's just us. It's just that I know that his friend thinks I am unattractive so that's why I thought that.

I think I once heard his friend call me ugly.

Anonymous 103922

bump 4 more opinions

Anonymous 103931

if you have to ask…

Anonymous 103988

Femceldom is for a part of it a mental barrier. So as long as you're not disfigured you can escape it just by getting another perspective. I don't say it's possible for everyone or you can flip it like a lightswitch and change. However, it seems like you're ready for switching pov why don't you go for it. If you don't like it you can go back to your already made femceldom bed

Anonymous 103996

I think men and women notice and find different things attractive. Men often compliment my hair while women don't (I have a ton of it but it has basically no shape or style). Women often compliment my eyes but I've only ever had male partners comment on them like months into dating.


Sexual Regret Anonymous 103809[Reply]

How do you deal with the shame and trauma that comes with sexual regret?
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103930

you and me both bestie

Anonymous 103942

I received visions and learned about tantric wisdom. That helped me understand and forgive myself.

Anonymous 103945

Are you off your meds again?

Anonymous 103969

As for the trauma it can be tougher, I'm not sure why exactly it was traumatic? Were they just not right for you? Did they hurt you? Maybe it would make sense to talk to a professional but for me what helped is kind of accepting that I'm a human, I made a mistake because it felt right but now I know better. It might sound unbelievable in the moment but it's possible to find somebody who will actually feel right and with whom you'll be very comfortable and who will be very careful not to hurt you. Basically it's this kind of experience that can be really hurtful and unpleasant but in the end of the day you grow and learn more about yourself and what you are comfortable with.

Anonymous 103971

Ooops, for some reason my first paragraph got deleted
But it went like
First of all, why do you feel shame at all? People make mistakes and it's only human. It's OK to not always know what and who is the best for you, it's OK not to know who's right for you. They felt like a right person in that moment and that's OK. Now you know better and you grew from this experience. There is nothing to be ashamed of


how do i find men who arent trash Anonymous 100070[Reply]

I literally live in a shithole and have nothing to do. i tried finding guys my age(21) but they all suck. i want to find a man whos mature and strong but all i can find are just stupid stoners
33 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103959

>They're the ones who want it
So what, women don't want love? Women want to remain single forever?

Anonymous 103960

>Women want to remain single forever?
If the alternative is dating a garbage scrote, yes, yes they should.

Anonymous 103961

Okay, you can stay single forever. I won't stop you.

Anonymous 103962

Enjoy being abused for the rest of your life by some ugly scrote.

Anonymous 103966

Ahh clearly you have much experience in dating and had good relationship with them. How else does one believe that a man who starts aggresively pursuing relationship on his own is less likely to be abusive?


gooning and moid degeneracy Anonymous 103862[Reply]

i have recently gotten into the gooning rabbithole and im so disgusted and sick. i genuinely feel like killing myself. this is real life, not just a bad dream.

i have reason to suspect my ex moid that i was in love with (a disgusting, porn addict, bisexual, twinkfucker, sexually exploitative, incel piece of shit) was a gooner. not only that, i believe he had real life sessions and chats with at least one other guy where they did this shit together.
i haven't talked to him in 3 years, i can only imagine how fucking worse he has gotten.
keep all the insults to yourselves, i have already thought them myself. i was 17 and a fucking idiot. today i wouldn't touch this "person" with a 10 foot pole. i just wish i could go back in time and have nothing to do with him.
but anyway, the problem is that he used to coerce me into sending nudes. that's my fear. that he still has them and does that disgusting shit… my god, that haunts me. those can be around forever. they can be put online. they can be photoshopped, deepfaked, and who knows what other abominations that they will come up with in the future. not even death could free me if that's the case. at least in the past, women used to have an husband. they could get mistreated, beaten, sexually abused, raped. but that's it. they eventually died, and nothing is left of them, not even bones. they were free eventually.
today, not even death could free us. men will sexualize that too. men jerk off to gore and torture and pictures of dead women. they could probably jerk off to this very post and the fact that i feel like shit about it. have i genuinely gone insane? is this a normal way of thinking? im so self aware all the time and paranoid that something im doing might be a fetish and getting off some moid watching. it's actually affecting me, i can't live like this.
i just wanna end it but then i think how selfish that is. that 20 years from now girls will be born against their will, and subjected to this and more, as it gets even worse. who in 2008 could have predicted the normalization of porn watching for all moids in 2013-ish? who in 2013 could have predicted deep fakes, ai, gooning, and all current degeneracy of 2020's? what society will girls in the next generations live in? i know im supposed to fight for them but im weak.
14 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103892


>a disgusting, porn addict, bisexual, twinkfucker, sexually exploitative, incel piece of shit
Seriously why do so many of you here end up dating these type of disgusting males? It's starting to concern me, i mean you were 17 but there are actual grown women here that date these kind of guys are you all just lurking through r9k or trash and adding anyone you see?

>today, not even death could free us. men will sexualize that too

Don't care if they shlick their micro pp to that in their basement.

>they could probably jerk off to this very post and the fact that i feel like shit about it.

Why should you care?

>im so self aware all the time and paranoid that something im doing might be a fetish and getting off some moid watching

Why do you care about what a moid thinks or does they don't matter (inb4 you say it, no i am not a lesbian)also, i have heard about the gooning stuff before and they are retards that no one likes who lead miserable lifes, even other men hate them, why should you waste your time worrying about this kind of people? I understand how you feel and you didn't deserve this and you shouldn't kill yourself because of stuff like this, if you sent him nudes as long as your face is not in it i don't think you need to worry much, but if you did you should do what >>103880 told you.

Anonymous 103916

>Seriously why do so many of you here end up dating these type of disgusting males?
well, because they show their disgustingness after they've got you in their trap. at first they seem nice and all…

anyway. i was having a difficult day yesterday when i made this thread. i was in my feels. hard day and a visit to /r/gooncaves and other disgusting subreddits was the cherry on top for me. and you're right i should stop caring about what men do, but im such an hopeless romantic and all i want is someone nice to spend my life with, and im scared that even if i do find the perfect person secretly he could be like this… i wish i wasn't such a sorry ass disney princess bitch, but that's who i am. i want a man and a family and babies. that seems impossible nowadays considering how gross the average man is. also i hate being perceived in ways i don't like. the thought of someone thinking about me or doing that sort of stuff really gets to me. and i feel really bad for the women too. some of them are just normal screenshots from girls on tiktok doing their own thing…

Anonymous 103920

Nona…statistically it’s just not going to happen. There are no dateable men left in the western world who haven’t ever viewed pornography and likely few men that don’t view it every day, and even fewer men that will stop viewing it once you begin dating. You could try to find anti-porn men to date on anti-porn websites and social media by looking through profiles and talking to them I guess, but a good majority of those men were former addicts. A lot of them seem to want families though

Anonymous 103934

Wait how can someone fuck twinks and be a incel at the same time?

Anonymous 103935

cause he wasn't really gay, more like settling for deranged faggots since women didn't want him. he himself considered himself straight


Anonymous 103016[Reply]

I was injured in a car crash and I suspect I have nerve damage, it's getting progressively harder to use my leg that was impacted. This is really messed up but I'm kind of excited thinking about maybe eventually being in a wheelchair because hopefully people will be nicer to me. I have no friends so it would actually be a social buff if strangers ask why I'm in a wheelchair and are sympathetic. I know a lot of disabled people don't like being used for "inspiration porn" where people tell them they're so strong and inspirational just for being alive but to me that seems much better than my current situation of being alone.
16 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103569

Ty anon, I know I am shitting up the board with a very personal medical thread that's not really relatable to anyone else but I just want to talk about this somewhere, thank you for being kind and responding

Anonymous 103573

No you're not, it's literally a board made for venting and it's ok to vent about specific topics

Anonymous 103923


I'm still waiting to be scheduled for my MRI, I am now in so much pain in that one leg whenever I have to leave my house I am going to ask my doctor next time I see her if a walking cane will help. I don't want to just buy one and start using it without getting a professional opinion first but I am looking at ones that can fold up that I can put in my purse, there are some with cute designs on them. But idk if I get one that looks cute if people will think it's just for fashion and being an attention whore. I like this one that looks like the classic lolita Innocent World grandma's couch core aethetic.

Anonymous 103924

get one with a retractable knife

Anonymous 103925


The sword cane by Cold Steel is badass but being all in one piece makes it impractical for use in urban warfare, probably better for home defense lol

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