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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/23/2020 - No new rules, only clarification added.


Anonymous 37513[Reply]

I had a bad childhood, and as a result as a teenager, I acted out in ways that I now regret. This continued up until my mid twenties. I can see now that I didn't have any real friends and unintentionally hurt some people because I was so used to being hurt myself.

I have a good life now and have put a lot of distance physically and mentally between myself and my past. However, I feel that no matter how hard I try, I'm still stuck with the painful memories inside my head. Even the smallest inconsequential word can trigger a related memory.

How can I cut the first 25 odd years out of my head permanently?
4 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38013

IME, being still ashamed and/or guilty means you still haven't entirely processed it. Take responsibility for this era, and embrace what you did. It is who you were - you can admit it without threatening or contradicting what you are today. At the same time, have compassion for the kid you were then.
You can also make amends (send a note, giving money to a related charity etc. as long as it's not an ego-fueled approach you'd force on your past victims) and then decide to forgive the stupid kid that you were. That's one way to let it go.

Anonymous 38016

OP here. I don’t think I was clear in my first post. I do feel that I have moved forward. The problem is that basically all my memories are bad ones. No matter how much I move forward they are still there. There is no way to erase memories. Even therapy can’t do that.

Anonymous 38017

If your memories resurface and bother you, you have not moved forward.
Maybe you need to mourn your childhood (the one you would have had) to move forward.

Anonymous 38034

I understand that but I think it's pretty difficult not to be bothered by bad memories when they come up. And it's also pretty normal to be reminded by something of another time. I think it would be pretty weird not to ever remember something about your past.

The problem is it's not just childhood, it's my 20s as well. Like all of my life until a year or so ago.

Anonymous 38037

Honestly, just go and make good memories. Time will pass and give more weight to the good.


Anonymous 17736[Reply]

What are really beautiful men like? Do you know any? Doesn’t have to be a bf or lover, can also be your friend, colleague, classmate, neighbor, brother, dad, whatever.

Is it true they’re all dumb and rude?
38 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 36041

>What are really beautiful men like?
I agree about the halo effect, they tend to have easier lives, less jealousy and just generally nicer people because of it. People who are mean very often have their own complexes going on (being ugly or having been rejected by someone else) so it’s often not really about you when they do or say something that is hurtful. Beautiful people have life on easy mode and so less pent up issues to make them do something hurtful. They can still say something that stings out of naivety though.

>Do you know any?

I’m in a longterm relationship with one. He’s a pretty quiet guy who keeps to himself so very down to earth. Also the kindest person I have ever met (this is actually what first attracted me to him surprisingly).

I used to have very low self esteem, so despite being pretty myself (I mention this because it’s relevant, not a brag), I dated only uglies and older creeps before. I think the guys knew I was out of their league as they all would make sly hurtful comments to me out of no where and brag to other people about dating me, as if I was an object.

Despite being out of their league, I was somehow never enough for any of them. It’s like they expected me to revolve my life completely around them. I couldn’t have my own problems, all the focus had to be on them.

If I was ever single, I would never ever date an ugly or an old creep again. I would much rather die alone.

>Is it true they’re all dumb and rude?

I think the ones from rich families probably are and that’s more a class thing. I don’t think being beautiful by itself would make anyone dumb or rude. Maybe if someone was ugly when they were young and were bitter about it.

Anonymous 36510

i wish i had eyes like my brothers :(

Anonymous 36524

No, no, the halo effect doesn't make them more successful. That's just a possible consequence. The halo effect is the bias people have to think attractive people are nicer, kinder and more honest, regardless of how they actually are. It's like they get plus points on all their actions.

There are no findings that handsome people donate more to charity, abuse their spouses less or any measurable sort of kindness. You're just rationalizing the halo effect you're experiencing.

Anonymous 36525

I know what the halo effect is. I think they have easier lives because everyone think they have the Midas touch because they're cute. Everyone being optimistic about everything you do and being more open to see your things as great results in an easier life. When life is on easy more you have less to be jealous of and life is easier in general.

Anonymous 38006

There was a chad dude in my class back in highschool, he was funny, blonde, good loking, energetic and… had ADHD. For these reasons people used to say he was a golden retriever lol, we had some fun short talks but it was difficult speaking with him for long due to the ADHD. He wasn't very smart but definitely a nice dude, too bad i never asked him to kiss me he probably would have accepted taking in consideration his historic.

Anonymous 32023[Reply]

Share your relationship problems here
178 posts and 20 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37980

I don't have actual fights with my boyfriend very often, but right now I am. I want to be held but also don't want to make it seem like I'm not mad anymore. AHHHHH

Anonymous 37981

How would staying mad help?

Anonymous 37995

How are you in a relationship if you dont talk? What's the point? Aren't you just friends then? Ditch him and find someone new.

Anonymous 38000

I met this guy on a dating app, he's a rich beverly hills D-list actor/model, way out of my league and I can't imagine why he's talking to me other than to bang (even then I'm not sure why because he can definitely pull much better looking girls) I don't really care about that because I wasn't looking for anything serious but I can feel myself catching feels. He's incredibly cute, charming and funny. (And he obviously knows it) He wants to meet but I'm scared to have him over because he doesn't know I'm poor and live in a shitty house, drive a shitty car and use welfare. I'm embarrassed. I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm looking for but I just needed to get my thoughts out.

Anonymous 38002

If he did judge you for these things you can’t control, then would you really want to be with him anyway? I know it would be painful, but it would help you dodge a bullet. Maybe share your concerns with him and he’ll be sympathetic?


Random question Anonymous 37914[Reply]

Opinion on giving notes to friends who are falling behind on their studies and am constantly complaining about it?

I have a friend whom I’ve known for years. He is constantly complaining about being behind on his studies and I get that medschool is difficult. I gave him a digital cooy all of my notes for the year but I’m kinda feeling annoyed rn because I don’t think he actually put in any extra effort to study but is instead just complaining?
4 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37973

Exactly what was done but then he went on asking for my cards. All of them. I gave it easily to him but I’ve been preaching about it since the start of the sem. It feels unfair because I know I’ve spent alot of time making my cards when it’s evident to me that he hasn’t been managing his time and is just complaining.

I hate it when I’m put in a situation that makes me feel like I’m obligated to help. For me, there’s a fine line between not working hard enough and struggling with something, and I don’t feel like he’s allocating the needed time.

Anonymous 37974

This feels much validating. I feel like every one of us is struggling with something during this pandemic and it hasn’t been that easy for me either. So yes, thank you, anon. I hate how it’s made to be my responsibility just because I’m a friend. I’ve offered to discuss past years questions with him and all but everything just fell on deaf ears. Even my efforts to give study tips were not benefitted by him. I just feel like there’s only so much that can be done by complaining and wailing about the syllabus.

Anonymous 37975

Give him the Anking deck, then. Or you could follow best card-making practices by making your cards personal to the sources you are using and your own made-up mnemonics and memory anchors.

If he's failing because he's not putting in the effort, having your cards isn't going to change that, you'll be able to look back on this tell yourself the truth: that you were a good friend who did everything anyone could expect you to.

Anonymous 37984

What are you getting from this friendship? Fade him out of your life or at the very least refuse to discuss the subject anymore. You are not his therapist to vent his problems to. It’s very common for men to think they can just offload onto women they aren’t in committed relationship with.

Don’t give him any more cards or notes unless he is helping you in return. If he can’t handle medschool then he needs to take a break and fix his life or drop out and do something else. Not your responsibility either way.

Anonymous 37992

he believes that your opinion of him is fairly inconsequential to him, if he can squeeze what he wants from you he has succeeded, even if you are angry at him. you helped him before so he is confident you will do so again


Anonymous 37929[Reply]

How do I stop thinking about dying and panicking about it? It's kept me up late the past few days and on some days I get so nervous I could throw up. I don't have any anxiety about other things in my life. I just love existing too much and the idea that I might not be able to experience it twice guts me. I am not religious and haven't found any good answers or people to go to for solace about this topic.
10 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37964

Anonymous 37965

Take LSD

OP 37966

Honestly I'd prefer that at this point.
I've been considering it for a while and I'm interested in it. I'd rather wait until my mental health is a little better before I try it so that I don't have a bad trip.
Sorry bb. We're in this together

Glad some people share this fear lol, it is the most common fear in the world. I'll keep working on my art and being productive. Other advice about how to cope mentally is appreciated.

Anonymous 37983

I can't really say because ever since I was 10 or 11 I've felt quite the same way. These past few months I've been very paranoid about just dying in my sleep to the extent I avoid it for as long as possible, which probably isn't wise.

Anonymous 37986

So fear of death gets you depersonalized? Not OP but it's the opposite for me. I too have moments of the day that I feel as if my consciousness could vanish at any moment. The fear response I get from that actually wakes me up.

Fear in general is great for feeling alive. The other day I went to a hike alone for the first time and I don't know what the fuck I was thinking because I'm dead-scared of heights and had a small panic attack when I reached the summit. But that made me feel like I was real and my body was mortal, I felt alive.


Anonymous 34646[Reply]

I would only want a boyfriend from 4chan r9k which fucks me over. I have much easily available guys IRL interested in me but them being normie just makes me so disinterested to even be friends with them let alone date.

What has your experiences been with dating from 4chan?
131 posts and 20 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 36023

Screenshot from 20…

Anonymous 36024

MBTI types are to r9k guys what astrology is to basic "alternative" Tumblr girls that still wear chokers like it's 2016.

Anonymous 36025

Honestly it's all /r9k/ not just the guys. It's a meme that needs to die but it's a nice excuse to meet people too.

Anonymous 36039

MBTI may not be perfect by any means, but it's still leaps and bounds more accurate of a system than astrology. At least one is based on asking the person questions about themselves, astrology is literally meaningless.

Anonymous 36051


>astrology is meaningless


dealing with irrational (?) guilt and paranoia Anonymous 37784[Reply]

Does anyone else struggle with spiraling guilt and paranoia, feeling like you've hurt other people and damaged your reputation forever constantly but not being able to figure out if its real or rational?

I struggle hugely with executive function and I've been in a horrible depressive episode for over a month. Even though I told my roommate I would handle paying our rent, I didn't pay on time for May or June for literally no reason other than I couldn't get myself to write the check and walk less than a block to drop it off, and whenever I thought about doing it I got so overwhelmed with shame and anxiety I would put it off further. I finally dropped off the check for our rent for 2 months a few days ago. Luckily our landlord isn't charging late fees because of COVID, but we got a scary notice in the mail that I just opened and our cosigners (parents) also got notices. I feel so embarrassed and just completely irredeemable because I caused stress and worry for no reason and I don't know if this can affect our credit scores or reputations in some other way? And I've just been sitting here spiraling for an hour trying to decide if I really did something wrong and wronged my roommate and damaged my relationship with her, or if it's okay.

This happens to me all the time with various situations where I'm worried I've wronged someone but I don't know if it's something that I can expect people to forgive me for or not? It doesn't help that I'm hypersensitive and I know that other people aren't but it's really hard for me to understand how people who aren't like me react to interpersonal situations, or situations that would make me anxious but a normal person wouldn't worry about. And I wish I could just ask my roommate about it, but I don't think there's a non-insane way to ask about that? She knows I struggle with depression and possible ADHD, she has ADHD, and she helped her girlfriend with a serious depressive episode/her ongoing MH issues, so I think she would be understanding, but would she? I have no idea how much leeway I should expect from people because of my mental health issues. We're also close friends, but I see things on social media where people are talking about resenting or abandoning their friends for things that seem insane to me so ???

Any tips on dealing with guilt, paranoia, or just not trusting yourself to accurately interpret situations because you're an autist?

Anonymous 37836

I used to have feelings similar to this but in the end I just broke down and couldn't care anymore.

It's much better, even if it is really hard, to just try and do these things. You should ask your friend for their banking info so you can just transfer the money instead of having to talk to them, or maybe leave cash in their room. I don't like talking to people at all and usually just stare at them but I dunno if you feel that way as well.

Also sorry but I never found a way to deal with the feelings of guilt and paranoia except for pretending that it wasn't there.

kanajo okarishimas…

Anonymous 36778[Reply]

Anyone else feel uncomfortable when your on a date and the guy pays for everything? Went on a date with some guy before the lockdown, we had dinner at a fancy hotel loft, then drinks at a fancy cocktail bar and then we even went to a Japanese style inn. In total he propably spent 1200.

I felt so weird during the entire date. He just kept ordering the most expensive shit on the menu.
20 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37785

pls no mean. i have an unhealthy mental conception of dating and sex and it causes me a lot of anxiety. why are you mean?

Anonymous 37825

Do this anon, tell every single man you date that you wont even kiss on first dates.
Do it and you will be able to disrelate the date expenses from sex, look at what he pays as what he pays for you, not your body.

Also, not single time on my life did I let the man pay for everything, they are not providers, they are romantic partners. Fuck gold diggers and fuck human-trophies for males.

Anonymous 37826

Subscribe for more cool advice from single people lmao

Anonymous 37827

romance is a form of providing though

Anonymous 37829

A tru Stacy would let the man pay for everything and not have sex with him anyway.


friendless feels Anonymous 7474[Reply]

the title says it all.

i ended up scrolling through the account of someone a few years younger than me and saw posts like pic related…just people (kids i guess) having fun with their friends and it made me sad because i never got to have that ):

can anyone relate?
also, general friendless anon thread.
250 posts and 51 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 35417

Op ill be your friend plx i want someone to talk to


Anonymous 35418

Also im baltimore and dont like anime but ill watch whatever you want with you i just want to do things with people and have anons to text

Anonymous 35419

I have very few friends and I'll have an important birthday soon. It sucks because at my age you are supposed to have many friends. It will be shameful to write many invitations and maybe 1 or 2 people will come just to be polite. I'm glad I can postpone this until the next year because of Coronavirus.

I improved all other aspects of my life but making friends is something I struggle with a lot.

Anonymous 35420

currently friendless but kinda enjoying the solitude strangely
i think having to go to school with no friends is what felt the worst for me cause it makes u stand out as a loser
would like to find some female friends with similar nerdy interests so hmu if u want :) #luna2546

Anonymous 37801


Most of the girls I was friends with in middle/high school were rude or used me as an emotional punching bag, so I never really got to experience a wholesome friendship with another girl. I'm hoping whenever I get a job I'll meet someone who is genuinely nice. I just want someone I can relax with that's not my boyfriend. But like many others here, talking is exhausting for me and I'm comfortable with being alone so I'm thinking maybe it's best if I just continue consuming media that makes me feel like I'm not as lonely as I am, but then I realize that's not healthy, so you know what, whatever. I'll just have to figure my shit out.
This looks cute.


Anonymous 37540[Reply]

I've been kicked off of lolcow and I feel really sad about it. I felt a connection to the aesthetics of some cows tbh and I will really miss /ot/. I might shack up here but i'll miss the rapid fire infighting. It sucks, I really wanted it to carry me through quarantine. I feel lonelier without that place in the background.
8 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37657

Why are you so obnoxious?

Anonymous 37658

Asks the lolcow shitposter.

Anonymous 37659

Lolcow is a shithole nowadays, I wouldn’t sweat it. CC much more comfy.
Also less LC made me more mentally healthy imo. The place is trash based trash with a trash filling

Anonymous 37682

Coming from someone who's been using LC on and off since 2014, the board culture there is toxic as hell. The mod team doesn't even follow their own rules, and the public redtexts just scream attention-whoring to me.

I'm willing to bet 99% of those posts sucking the mods' dicks come from the mods themselves.

Anonymous 37788

OP must be the chick derailing threads with snarky replies. It's always the lolcows.

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