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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 09/13/2020

toys-spending-pand…

Letting go of childhood toys Anonymous 54326[Reply]

What did you do with your childhood toys as you grew up and moved away?

I'm no contact with my parents but my sister told me that I need to come back and clear out all my toys saved at my parent's house. I've been trying to find a way to decide which ones to keep and which ones to let go of.

I live abroad so I can only take a handful of them home with me, though I think I might feel a bit silly doing that since I haven't looked at them in years. I know they're not real but I feel guilty at the thought of having to pick which ones to keep and which ones to go onto a fate unknown, especially for ones part of collections.

I didn't have many friends growing up so I think I was maybe more attached to them than other kids. My parents pressured me to let them get rid of some before and I still feel bad about it.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 54442

>>54440
Sorry to hear that anon.

My mother said her mother did that to her so she didn’t want to do it to me. Instead she would constantly complain that I had too much stuff, though she is a hoarder. She didn’t want guilty feelings of doing what her mother did so instead would pressure me to agree to her doing it first. Now I have a mix of self blame and guilt for letting things go.

Why do parents have to be awful about these things :(

Anonymous 54457

>>54326
I never got attached to any of my toys as a child, they were all shared in a mutual area with my siblings.

Anonymous 54642

>>54326
Well, I've gotten rid of them throughout the years usually given to the poorer neighbors we had. Old VHS tapes, DVDs and CDs were donated to our local library.

I have a few movies I will never get rid of. Some books I can't get rid of as well.

Anonymous 54644

>>54441
No it wasn't. My mother is also autistic and just outright can't grasp the concept of other people being living things on an emotional level. There was no deeper scheme involved. She needed space for her stuff in the garage one day and got rid of anything she wasn't attached to herself. When I visit home from time I still find moving boxes full of old disintegrated wallpaper and cloth rags on the same spot they always have been for the last decades since she stored them because she also hoards the weirdest shit herself.

>>54442
I think we often misconcept parents for being nearly flawless in personality while actually making a baby is one of the easiest things I can think of and no emotional/intellectual development is needed to induce it besides puberty. So a lot of people who are not the perfect parent become one simply because they can.

Anonymous 54650

They got given away to younger cousins or thrown away. I wasn’t too sentimental about toys. I don’t like owning clutter. I like bare walls, bare rooms. Clean house clean mind.



IMG_20210323_12224…

Slowly you come to realise Anonymous 54515[Reply]

You can't change the world. You can only change yourself. Judging other human beings is the path to self-destruction.

Anonymous 54520

>>54515
that's a beautiful bull/cow/idk

Anonymous 54554

Is this what attaining peak Taurus is like?

It's hard for me not to form judgements. I feel like it's part of what makes us unique and human. I have different judgements regarding different things than you, it separates us in a way that we can learn from each other.

I do agree that many of us judge far too much. But I'm not sure no judgement is the way to go.

Anonymous 54557

E8D811CA-4A11-401B…

>>54515
Being able to judge others is a useful tool. You can’t always change other people, but you can choose how you interact with them, or whether you will at all.

Anonymous 54563

>>54554
It's funny, because when I try think of a single human who has lived without judgement, I think of Jesus Christ, arguably a very unique and memorable human (whether he really WAS like that is debatable, but we can at least say that as a character he is unique and memorable).

Judgements are a biological instinct for self-preservation. If you want to be a buddhist or say life is vanity, and that you should enjoy the day without fear of death, then all power to you, I say that earnestly. Most people, however, lack the capacity to shake this fear, so they judge people. I'm more inclined to walk by a woman at night, or avoid men, because men are statistically more violent. I'm more trusting of someone presented well in a suit than a someone in a hoodie/baggy clothes with a possible drug addiction. It doesn't mean you should scorn people for looking "dangerous", but you should definitely use your judgement to save yourself if you're someone who wants not to die. Still, I don't believe you should judge that person, just the situation in itself.

Judging people is a remnant of our tribal roots when humans very heavily depended on direct social interaction to coexist. We removed murderers, thieves, and outsiders because we lacked sufficient social skills and paradigms to exist among a large group of people. I don't believe that judgement of people is the right thing to do. You can judge situations, ideas, problems, and solutions, but the individual should be understood, not judged. Try and live with the mindset that you would be that person had you been born under the same conditions as them, that a small deviation in your life at a young age could have set you on the same path. You begin to understand why they are behaving in such a way, and your resentment for humanity begins to fizzle, you're first moved to pity, which moves you to do good. Little by little, the world may hopefully be salvaged in this fashion.



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getting rid of intense social phobia Anonymous 54392[Reply]

how do you girls do it? i get immensely paranoid of people, keep thinking they have ulterior motives, always worry that im too much of a neet retard to ever fit into normal society, etc. i cant take pics of my face, either. i dont think i have a personality at all, im just constantly imitating what i think is normal. what do i do? how would i even bring this up to my psychologist? i want to be at least a slight bit normal.
7 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 54486

>>54449
>>54461
>>54462
>>54482
Okay, I would accept this theory, if I actually was in a situation that was traumatizing, but I wasn't. lol
It felt different. It's not that you disassociate yourself. It's about going with the flow. Not trying to force a certain image of you on other people or worrying constantly about how the actions you do are received. Not entertaining absurd thoughts like "what if she takes pictures of me and posts them on social media to bully me". It's about not planning anything, just doing what you feel like in the moment and realizing that in the end it wouldn't even matter, even if nothing came of it.

>What can make you dissociate like that?

Like I said. That was my cold shower trick. Maybe drugs have the same effect, but I wouldn't know. But I guess hormonally shocking your body with a cold shower does have some tangible effect on you.

Anonymous 54488

>>54486
>Okay, I would accept this theory, if I actually was in a situation that was traumatizing, but I wasn't. lol
She mispoke. Dissociation doesn't happen only because of trauma, it's a coping mechanism for any sort of distress. This also doesn't mean it is bad inherently, it is a coping mechanism though. If it wasn't, you would just be stewing in your anxiety.

Anonymous 54489

>>54488
Let me present it like this, >>54435
Anon didn't want to feel anxiety, so she took a cold shower. Her thinking then changed. She coped with her anxiety response by taking a cold shower that caused dissociation. Dissociation was a step up from anxiety, but it wasn't a return to normalcy either, else she would have just been normal, not "looking in a third-person view".

Anonymous 54494

>>54489
>>54488
Well, I guess disassociation isn't always bad. I can see how it would be bad though. I guess some girls getting pushed into porn probably are massively disassociated from what I have seen. I have taken an interest in ex-pornstars and their experience lately.

Anonymous 54517

>>54494
>I guess disassociation isn't always bad. I can see how it would be bad though
No, it's not all bad, healthy people dissociate too. For example, when you've done a task repeatedly before and so the brain has no need to store that memory or take up a lot of energy to complete the task, such as washing dishes or walking to the corner store like you've done 10 times before. You don't want to rely on dissociation though, because it's easy to develop an issue and living with a related disorder is absolute hell.

Girls pushed into porn dissociate due to either trauma (past resurfacing or present) or due to taking copious amounts of drugs to help them endure the experience, as is normal for female porn stars to do. That thing moids call "the thousand cock stare" is just the look of suffering from dissociation and/or heavy drug abuse. It's more adequately the thousand yard stare, but moids save the term for war veterans.

Sage 'cause sort of OT.



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being alive hurts at this point Anonymous 54475[Reply]

>do not enjoy anything i once used to
>neet , whenever i try to escape neetdom my brain disassociates too much to be functional , cant complete adult tasks such as studying
>asked my therapist for help, he isn't helpful , asked my mom to swich him she said i should stick with him
>he suggested i take antidepressants , i don't trust them they never helped me
>friends don't help, 4chan is misogynistic, reddit ignores my posts


everyday i just want to go to sleep because there is nothing to do when awake only feeling the pain of feeling trapped
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 54480

>>54477
Sorry for the late response!
The pills "take the edge off". You might have to try out different medications before you find the right fit.

Anonymous 54481

i’m in the same boat. i’m writing from the couch i’ve been laying on for 5 hours watching amy poehler movies, i’ve eaten a lb of butter in the past 3 days, my hair is thinning from malnutrition, i haven’t cleaned my room in almost a year, and by all accounts i am a failure as an adult. however, i would urge you not to give up on yourself. because failing just means you have a lot of things left to accomplish. you have more to do than rot. let’s make a promise, ok? i will go clean my room now and write those emails i’ve been avoiding, and you do what it is you need to do. we’ll come out the other end of this.

Anonymous 54484

I tried therapy on and off for 10 years. (started when I was 15 because school problems) The only thing that actually helped me was when I started eating healthy and worked out. Going outdoors in the forest during the day, breathing in fresh air, letting the sun kiss your face. I try to walk at least 1 hour a day and listen to some podcasts. I listen to podcasts and youtube videos anyway. So I thought why not just go outside when doing? Eating a steak and eggs makes me feel so happy for the next few hours.

I still had setbacks for a while, but it slowly started getting better. In the end what made the difference was accepting a job and moving out of my parent's home, even if it cut into my budget in the end. At least I am away from the toxic influence.

Anonymous 54490

>>54475
You feel trapped because you have zero purpose. There's no reason behind hedonism to get out of bed, but you're running out of stamina on your hedonic treadmill. Do you have anything productive you feel guilty about not doing for comparison?

Anonymous 54492

hope.png

there's always hope op



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Anonymous 52708[Reply]

how do you cope with your boyfriend's female friends.
24 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 54237

>>52874
Your boyfriend sounds like a girlfriend

Anonymous 54369

assassinate them

Anonymous 54375

Be a grown up and don't give le fuck.
Being a hysterical bitch isn't exactly what powers a relationship. Dominating your boyfriend in that way will just lead to him actually fucking around because at home there is that woman who constantly accuses him of that anyway. On a meta level he gets desensibilized about cheating since its not unthinkable but his partner just assumes he naturally does it and gives him shit for that upfront. So he already got the fighting and the distrust… why not do it? There are no feelings hurt, that basically already happened and he couldn't do anything about it.
Jealous people are the root of their own problems.
>Why do I only get broken assholes?
Because a decent partner wouldn't stay with you in the first place. You are actively selecting out the good ones and keeping the garbage.

Anonymous 54387

>>54163
oh my sweet summer child

Anonymous 54487

That's the thing. I have yet to figure out how. It bothers me and I can't cope.



yee.jpg

Anonymous 54458[Reply]

Had a dream last night that one of the bubbly and cute girls I sort of knew in HS flirted with me, we were walking down the halls and our arms kind of bumped into each other so she latched arms with me to be playful. Then she flirted with me and sort of suggested she was interested in me. And I was confident and casual when talking to her. Back then I believed I was straight. Urgh
Why does high school hang over people so much? Just want to leave that behind

Anonymous 54459

I hate when my brain decides to feature someone I have done my best to forget in a dream. Just whyyy.



feelsquidwardman.j…

I got approached by a cute guy 54411[Reply]

I dont particularly see myself as an ugly woman, maybe something like a 6 or 7 (makeup), Other than that I'm also a 20yo KHHV

So, while i was walking back to my dorm after class this cute guy (i'd give him a 6.5 or 7) comes upto me and says "Hey i think youre cute so i thought I'd come talk to you"

I didnt know how to react to this , no one has ever said this to me let alone approaching me out of nowhere, I didn't know how to react ,i said thanks and kept walking but now i cant stop thinking about our marriage and the babies we would have together
and now i'm beating myself over for not continuing to talk to him and what could have led to something

How would you feel if some 6 or 7/10 guy came upto you and called you cute ? What was your experience ?
10 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 54436

How are you able to just keep walking? I would be way too anxious. I would either have to run away or at least make some dumb apology that I have to be somewhere else.

Anonymous 54437

>>54418
Yes, I've been approached like this before and sadly fell for it. I read up on PUA things since and had similar approaches happen and it's always obvious. They always hang around in public places where a lot of people pass by. They either give a bold compliment, ask a dumb question like what the time is or directions, or ask you to just straight give them your phone number or have coffee. The worst ones will try and immediately touch you.

Normal guys will approach you somewhere quieter or where you expect to be approached (e.g. a bar), talk to you a bit to see if they like your personality and then make a move. They won't come on too strong.

Bold compliments like this make you feel special but if you think about it, if they really liked you and it was a special rare thing for them, they would be more nervous about messing it up. A guy who can tell a woman instantly that he likes her without thinking much about it has had too much practice.

I got approached by a cute guy 54444

>>54419
>>54437
The one guy who approached me with this much confidence ….. I just reject him because i didnt know how to react and he genuinely seemed like a nice guy
Still cant stop beating myself over it :(

Anonymous 54450

>>54411
How can you be a 6 or 7 (above average) if you've never even been approached before at age 20? Maybe you're uglier

Anonymous 54451

>>54429
Being “good” has nothing to do with it. This isn’t a value judgment. The fact is men have a dating strategy where they see women as interchangeable. They approach as many women as they can until they find one that sticks, then dispose of them when they get bored. A random guy approaching you is doing the same to other women. It would be stupid to believe otherwise. Men are born sluts.



2.png

Vent thread Anonymous 51005[Reply]

Last thread was >>49241
498 posts and 104 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 54446

>>54443
Do you feel bad for having mean thoughts? If the answer is yes then it means that you aren't a terrible person. Almost everyone has bad thoughts when they are under stress or angry. It's up to you to use those bad feelings in a positive way. I like to do HIIT and Cardio which lets me let all of those negative feelings out while doing something productive.

Anonymous 54447

>>54443
heal yourself with an asian gf

Anonymous 54454

>>54447
we're not white guys lol

Anonymous 54842

>>54085
Slow as heck response, sorry anon.
Got quarantined and that really spun me out.
Never got around to saying thank you for the pep talk anon.
I was in a really crummy headspace, but you did help me with it. Thank you.


As for the music, yeah.
It just feels like its not a safe thing to do, you know?
It helps me cope when I'm on the train, or the bus, but you're meant to be aware of your surroundings.
Though not being aware of them is exactly the point of music in that instance.
I'm just glad I've been lucky enough it's not been an issue I suppose.

Anonymous 54846

FCFE983D-FE4C-415E…

1. Dreamt Whoopi Goldberg pitched an idea for a movie: Friday the 13th, but with vegetarians (or a vegetarian version of Friday the 13th) and people loved it.

2. I think I just came across a guy who looked 80% - 90% like Stephen King, so my repressed nerdgasm converted my words to a semi-awkward mess.



traumacore2.jpg

Anonymous 52452[Reply]

do you like traumacore?
16 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 54377

44f4896af31d3ed7e3…

>>54367
Reading that made me physically cringe. It's the other side of "you don't have to tell me what happened but you do have to eat these"

Anonymous 54386

>>54377
>you covered me in milk
Why is this so funny?

Anonymous 54409

webkinz.jpg

>>54386
its referring to this tweet

Anonymous 54410

>>54377
>>54409
Oh wow and here I thought it was some kind of metaphor for sexual abuse

Anonymous 54412

Never heard of it, I don't like what's posted in this thread though, makes me uncomfortable, not sure why somebody would like
I come on the internet to escape this shit



2C89E61D-FE25-4D1B…

Advice about friend Anonymous 52968[Reply]

I have a best friend and he was sending me some emojis and nothing else. After I didn’t reply to his fourth emoji, the chat ended. I later told him not to initiate chats with me unless he wants to have a conversation. I haven’t heard from him in four days. We usually chat everyday. I don’t want to contact him first. Is it over?
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 54073

>>53045
What exactly happened in your situation?

Anonymous 54249

>>53043
If you believe you were wrong, you don’t have to bend over backwards for the guy. Letting him know you realized that you worded that rudely will fix most of the problem instantly.
He could of texted you back with normal conversation, but your text to him can come off like you are mad at him and he needs to respectfully leave you tf alone.

Anonymous 54297

sadanime.png

>>53043
Just fuggin talk to him. This is a worthless thing to lose a friendship over. Or maybe there was no real friendship in the first place if you're so willing to let it die over literally nothing.

Anonymous 54315

>>53043
why don't you just message him? you are making this problem yourself

OP 54366

Thanks everyone for your comments. I reached out to him a few days ago and everything is back to normal. Perhaps even better.



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