/feels/ - Advice & Venting

e-bf of 10 months pronounced my name wrong and was fully convinced its the right pronunciation. i will never be loved or seen properly.

If both female and male friendships/relationships feel awfully transactional and fake/one sided for me then am I absolutely cooked nonas. Destined to be alone beyond romance?

It feels so much better being alone but very lonely than having to be offended and hurt just because I'm not the way someone wants me to be. I'm only worth talking to when it's convenient or when they have no one.

How do you handle seeing men for who they really are, not the idealized “prince charming” version we grew up imagining in anime?

Everywhere I look, I see cheaters, manipulators, narcissists, deadbeats, porn addicts, and abusers… and it feels like they’re not the exception, but the rule. Men are always more likely to leave then women when their spouse and children get ill or born sick. Men are always more likely to cheat and have side bitches. They don’t listen, they only make repeated attempts to make it sound like they know more than you about everything.

There's no care, no love, no empathy, no compassion, no understanding. They don't care if we feel safe or not. Men only want women for sex and the moment they get it, they move on.

I am 23 now and haven’t been able to hack it since I was a little kid. I went to the psych ward for the first time when I was 8. It was the only way my parents could get me to stop hurting myself. They put me on Prozac for all of Elementary school. I was in and out of the hospital or sent to residential until I was 19. (Trust me, I don’t hear the end of how expensive it’s been to keep me alive)

I have been in love and living with my boyfriend for two years. I told him about my life long struggle to keep myself on this planet but I think he's just now starting to realize how retarded I am. When in work or school I struggle the most (in college atm). I don’t think to eat, drink water (my legs have been cramping up for 4 days now) or clean myself until he makes me. I’m obviously fatigued and am having violent meltdowns often that scare him. I’m trying to better myself for us by working or going to college but It feels counterintuitive even though I know that these are the next steps I should be taking.

I’ve had 6 jobs that onset the same symptoms that I would either quit before doing something stupid or do something stupid that would cause them to fire me. I’ve dealt with being abused in the workplace for being autistic, making me do more/stay longer than everyone else because I didn’t know better. My mom waited all night for me to come home and told me to never let them keep me 2 hours after closing, especially if everyone else had already left. I had a manager grab my wrist and tell me that my very old raised/healed sh scars were disgusting and that I was an idiot to have done that to myself. She called me an idiot daily even though she was the one training me. I had accommodations in Elementary/Middle/High school to help me get through but in the real world you do not get accommodations.

I feel loved and supported but I still struggle very hard to see myself being able to hold down a job or take care of myself. I make attempt after attempt, I haven’t given up but it’s been so hard since the very beginning.

Can anyone else relate to finding it very difficult to keep yourself on this planet from a very young age and it not getting easier despite trying to get better? And I’m not talking about “I was depressed as a teenager so I didn’t think about what I wanted to do after high school so I’ve been working at the grocery store for a couple of years in the meantime.” I’m talking about couldn’t even hack 1st grade. CannotPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Everyday it's more clear to me that women will never be free, it makes me feel suicidal even. We are nothing but pets and will NEVER stop being pets, even if that were to happen I'll be dead by that time. What the fuck do you do from here that isn't giving up?

I can’t handle how lonely men make me feel. No matter how kind, patient, or understanding they seem, they always end up disappointing me. They’re all lustful. They all watch porn. All of them struggle to see women as actual human beings, some just get better at hiding it. They all want you to perform for them in some way shape or form.

I ache for this so called true love. I want romance, tenderness, respect. I want someone who sees me, who values me, who cherishes me. But instead, day by day, I grow more bitter and resentful. It feels like I was sold a lie about what men and relationships are supposed to be. It makes me angry and doubt romantic love is even real at all. It all just feels like a cruel lie. I even feel like the women who claim their men are so great are experiencing some sort of cognitive dissonance.

I keep telling myself I just won’t ever get this from a man, but accepting that is so hard. The loneliness eats at me. Sometimes, it feels like being a straight woman is nothing but a curse. Being alone sucks but being with them makes the loneliness even worse.

Me: worked every summer/scholarships to cover my own tuition, set to graduate with a FT job lined up; grew up super frugal bcs mom used to always complain about how I was a leech on her finances.

Older brother: literally fails so many classes he takes summer school every summer, + was on academic probation. Never had a job before, parents literally send him 1k-1.5k a month on top of covering his tuition and rent.

Usually I wouldn't gaf; not my problem. But recently my parents literally borrowed money from me to cover his rent, again, idrc. But once I had my family over at my place and they were asking how my internship for the summer was going and I was talking about the cool stuff I worked on and the perks I got and my older brother kept saying that it was lame/not that cool so I basically was like "okay this is a lot coming from a chronically unemployed person". Then my mom started glazing him like "one day you're gonna earn big money and retire us"… You bitch you literally borrowed money from me to pay his expenses.

And then she pulled me aside and was like "your brother is really struggling you shouldn't be discouraging him". Like… I wouldn't have said anything until he started coming after me???

The double standard is crazy bcs she never did anything when he used to abuse me as a kid but all of a sudden he can't handle a verbal comeback?? Tf??

My parents do not care about me like at all.I had to find a place to live within 15 days. When I told my dad he basically said I should have planned better. My mom treated me like shit about it. My step mom was nice but not in a genuine way. This has set me up for being a complete failure socially.
My managers at my job helped me find a rental. They were the only ones who went out of their way to ask me how it went. To ask when I was moving in. If I needed anything or any help. I feel like I owe them now and like I’ve gotten too close to them and I wanna quit my job and never leave the house again. I know I feel this way because of the way I’ve been treated by my parents.

I'm homeless and waiting to end the world.

sooo i dated a friend of mine for literrally a month over the summer and it was fun but we were both mentally ill and terrible at communicating so it ended with her breaking up with me over twitter at 3am while high on cough syrup lol. when we broke up she told me that she didn't actually love me, and that she only dated me because our friends wanted us to. fast forward a few months later and while discussing our breakup, she said that she would've been willing to work things out if things between us hasn't gotten as bad as they did. recently, a friend told me that she had actually confessed to our mutual friend that she liked me, which is likely what made said mutual friend push us to get together in the first place. also, she told that same friend that she regretted breaking up with me???

i tried asking her about all of this and she just didn't respond which was really annoying because i talked to her later that day at an event we both had to go to. i want to try asking her about it again because i'm equally annoyed and confused and sad and want to know how she actually feels about me.

i wish i could say that i want to get back with her, but that's really complicated. i love her and she's a great person, but she's also a drug addict who refuses to get better and i can't have that stress added on top of everything else going on in my life rn.

should i see how she feels about me nonas?