>Fear of not being attractive enough
If he’s shallow and you’re as, how shall I put it? As otherwise developed, besides the beauty/cuteness department. He may leave. Dedication isn’t very high on people’s priorities, as far as I can tell.

Stop fearing and start developing the inside person

From the sound of it there are other problems that are unrelated to your physical appearance that need addressing. Make him a pie or something

>>65345
>he was a dick to me after that so maybe it was for the best
You broke up with him for no reason, what the fuck did you expect?

The truth is, it is possible to stop being attracted to someone overnight. I’ve experienced it regarding others and I know my ex bf experienced it with me. It happens. Love is stronger than attraction though. All you have to hope is that the love is strong enough to overcome it.

He won't even notice your bangs.

>>64795
Consider pursuing friendships outside of your boyfriend's circle.

E

If you didn't bother maintaining a friendship when they left your social circle maybe you didn't really care about them.

What >>64800 said OP. Do NOT build your social life around your partner, that is a very easy way to end up isolated, especially when inevitable schisms pop up in the group due to break ups or drama.

And naturally, if you and your BF break (which you should, if that manipulative 'I hope I don't get bored of you' shit is true) all his friends and their friends will default to sticking with him and siding with him in any disputes.

Having a solid friend circle is so much more rewarding anyway and they'll have your back for when shit gets rough.

>>64795
Not a good set up, cause if/when he leaves you or if/when you realize his friends are probably pornsick misogynist freaks you're gonna be entirely alone. don't get too close to those friends, remain at a distance. treat them as entertainment, because that's what they are. as for making (female) friends this is kinda autistic but join a discord thats specific to a pretty female-only interest/show and try to vet the possible girl friends from trannies if you can

>>64901
They're deathly affraid of age difference, for some reasons

>>64789
It’s only in their thirties where men actually get their shit together and are serious about you.

>>64908
Because they're desperate for a girl to knock up and take care of their kids.

I don't mind age gaps but 10 years is pushing it. My mom and sister married with 10 and 12 year gaps, and their husbands were not too great. My sister's is shit no idea why he's still with him. My dad turned into an old fat man with severe anger issues and my mom was relieved when he died.

>>64908
>>64909
Everyone is looking for something. What are you looking for in a dude?

>>65340
>And being gay couldn't make him manly
That's not what OP implied at all. Clearly she meant that there are manly men like this who often are gay.

>>65340
How'd you infer this? OP literally suggests that there are many (in fact too many for her tastes) men who are both big, dumb, sexy, bara himbos and flaming homos. Get some reading comprehension sis.

>>65340
Lmao man, she's just talking about an anime stereotype.

>>65340
she wants a himbo who isnt gay (as in, homosexual) or misogynistic. There are men who are attracted to other men, but not women (which is what am assuming OP is, a woman). And there are masculine men but who are misogynistic. Op is inferring that there are men who are one or the other, hence why she doesn't want to date anyone, because obviously there is no reason to be involved romantically with those two categories. I hope this makes sense, anon and its ok I get confused sometimes too

Also OP, I know how you feel. But I still have faith that there will be a respectful straight himbo out there for me who will want to love me as i love him. I hope you will find someone that you will love, even if they dont hit some parts of your criteria. As long as they are respectful and loving! Good luck, OP

>>65340
So not being interested in men who are innately incapable of being attracted to me is misogynistic and homophobic now? OK…

When you wake up in a hospital room after your failed attempt and you see the look of hurt and confusion in your boyfriend's face, what will you think? What will you say? How will you feel?
You finally have a chance, and you're willing to throw it away just because you're too attached to your sadgirl persona and don't think you'll (or maybe don't want) be happy?
This is so dumb I can't believe you mean it. Do us all a favor and wait until your life actually falls apart before you off yourself. Give it a chance, something very good is likely to happen.

>>64914
You sound like a huge emotional sinkhole, tbh. I'm exhausted just from reading this greentext, I can't imagine what the people in your life must feel.

>>64914
Why did you make this thread?

>>65485
Right. She could’ve just used the vent thread for this.

>i leave my ex
So you had a boyfriend but your friend group didn't really care for you?

Sorry but the fact that you didn’t dump him instantly after learning he cheated is retarded of you

>>64312
??? why didn't you dump him right away?? instead you stayed with him for an extra year and are planning on staying with him for yet ANOTHER year???? to treat him to a vacation and dump him during it?

How do you even live with yourself having sex with him when you don't love him anymore? How do you even kiss him? I assume there's sex and affection still if you're putting up this front or he would've figured out something was wrong already. Are you a cuckquean or something? I feel like only a cuckquean would keep this up for this long.

>>65452
Where did it say to destroy shit?

>>65474
Exactly. Who the hell stays with a cheater?

Kick his ass then take him to the doctor who removes shoes from asses

I doubt there is, you just have to filter out who you're talking to. There is no true safe haven

There used to be chat rooms with age specifications. Go hang with some 50+ cats

Same! I have been feeling this way since 13. Just waiting for major life events (christmas etc.) to unfold, to feel part of something, but at the end of the day going back to my state of emptiness. Due to my lack of participance in life, I have been constantly conscious of how life is ultimately meaningless. This has made me suicidal and has further alienated me from people due to the causes for my misery not being all that relateable. It has made me feel like i know the truth and cant go back. However I have been on antidepressants now for almost half a year and they have helped me in feeling
like i and my actions matter. There have been moments of happiness, something i havent experienced since childhood and which i have considered to be only a thing of the past due to my blissful ignorance back then. The dread of existential nihilism often returns, probably since my medication (vortioxetine) doesnt have the side effect of flattening emotions, but it doesnt matter - i should just be happy that im capable of being happy.

Happiness is however definitely a state that requires ignorance. There isnt really a home. Its just a fleeting moment in which you arent even aware of the fact that youre happy - that youre home. Youre only aware of it afterwards in order to have something to believe in - to return to. There is not actually a home to return to, but its all right, you just have to believe that there is. That being said socializing and other healthy activities youve probably heard enough about will definitely help in feeling like you belong. Just dont lose hope. try to remember when you were happy in the distant past - its still possible, trust me. Btw i wrote this not only for your but also my own sake since its never really all that straightforward and my moments of dread often return.

It definitely doesn't require ignorance. You can compartmentalize the things you know and get really good at switching "calm mediative stillness off and on" it's what monks use when they're mediating in freezing water.

I cant speak for you or your experiences, all I know is you get what you focus on. Sometimes you gotta stuff black stuff way down, and operate from a therapuric calm compartment in your mind. Put a huge wall between yourself and black stuff.

>>65078
The "calm mediative stillness" is in my eyes a state that requires ignorance. Usually what people do when practicing mindfullness is they focus on small things such as water flowing or silence. If you keep focusing on how to stay happy, if you truly are happy, if your happiness has meaning etc., thats all generated by what monks would call the monkey brain and is counterproductive in the name of happiness. Its fueled by uncertainty in oneself, and to pretend that youre achieving something while not actually participating in life and obtaining new information is basically a big cope.

>>65092
>>if you keep focusing on how to stay happy, if you truly are happy, if your happiness has meaning etc., thats all generated by what monks would call the monkey brain

What?

It doesn't require ignorance to clear your focus to only the most conducive thing, it's just hard to learn. Also I feel like society brainwashes the population to focus on the worst the vast majority of the time, instead of promoting pragmatism.

But I dont see what over-optimism has to do with centering into an uncontaminated focus. You can think negative thoughts a good part of the day, and run into mountains of bad things all day long. You can even have hard to control pessimism like i do, and still compartmentalize that part of your mind when you need to work and be proactive.

How do you think surgeons perform? They are not ignorant to the fact their patients are sick and or dying, they just dont let it interfere. Also most true unhappiness comes from deep subconscious fixation on unresolved issues, that pollute ones ability to focus to the best of their ability even more.

I don't think it involves not participating in life, thats pretty toxic to assume actually. I think if you want to execute anything in the best possible way, and something is extremely hard you have to give yourself a ton of space. Especially if you're taking care of your mental health. Giving yourself a ton of space to breath is 10x harder than continuing the habit of not learning to use space and compartmentalize your thoughts.. punishing yourself or ruminating and suffocating yourself slowly without realizing it because that's what you think is normal. There are times when it doesnt matter HOW you stand back and give yourself space, you just should. Especially if you can't understand what that even means, you have to learn as you go. Either way its always going to be infinitely better to take space than try to perform when you shouldn't.Its not conducive to exist all the time with extreme pessimism or self punishing thoughts. It doesn't solve anything and makes you perform poorly.

>>65092
>The "calm mediative stillness" is in my eyes a state that requires ignorance.
I don't understand. Do you think the monk just ignores things to reach that state? Or are you using "focus" and "ignore" interchangeably in this context?

The anxiety I feel every time I even think about doing something, anything is eating me alive. There is no escape, and there is certainly no hope.

>>44922
You can't have anime/shows/manga be the main "meat" of you life, it should complement your life like how salt adds flavor to your food.
Seems like you are missing a hobby or two in which you are engaged in, consuming media is kind of passive. We get bored/irritated if we don't balance out the passive/active actions in our life (my pet theory, disregard if it sounds like bs)
Active actions can include: socializing (zoom meetings count), exercising(light walks around the neighborhood is fine), learning something new etc etc.
I also league once in two days, even that shit game, is enjoyable if done sparingly.
And it doesn't have to be a grand ceremony or anything just different enough to knock you off of the rutt you are currently in. You can do it anon.

>>45153
Same feeling.

>>44954
I have ADHD I'm certain the internet has played a part in that.

>>44922
I used to be just like this and even went to a psychward once which i feel kinda pathetic for. Im still a friendless neet but atleast i exercise and and have regained my interest in tv shows, video games and youtube i guess. I like to pretend im achieving something by participating in anything and aquiring new skills and knowledge. I know there is no actual end goal but as long as i stay in the zone and keep my brain active like that im capable of having fun

I'm a NEET again since this year, currently trying to stop getting distracted every single fucking day with imageboards and start studying art to stop feeling terrible about my skill so I can make a living out of doing commissions
Wish me luck
>>65084
Same (except for the psych ward, I went to therapy, have done it at different points in my life, I get better but after a year or two everything goes to shit again and then I go back to therapy)
There is little to no future out there for young people like us in a world like this so why stress about not being a "useful member of society"
This is about survival

>>65423

Unfortunately the only way to make money as a foster parent is to refuse to take care of your foster children. And (especially in more rural places) the more you complain, the worse it gets. A girl got sent away from my second foster home and she was placed several hundred miles away with a farm family that openly only had foster kids for cheap farm labor. They were homeschooled and spent all their free time doing farm work and they never got to leave the farm.

Unfortunately separating siblings is common. I only knew one pair of sisters who stayed together, and even then they were just in the same town, not the same foster house. My heart breaks for the sisters in your story, and I hope they were able to reunite as adults

>>34479
is it a bad sign that this made me laugh

mine feels silly, but i guess when my dad slammed his fist on me for spilling juice on him. he would yell at me a lot, and I remember he would throw things at me (probably only 3 times) but the only time he hit me/made me feel physical pain was when I was a kid and to get that as a 17 year old scared the crap out of me. I thought he was going to kill me I was so scared and angry. I then called CPS, and nothing really happened. I think the main reason why this traumatized me so much is when I realized how most kids are going through actual shit and here I am shaking and crying over my dad hitting me. I honestly dont know what to feel, if it was my fault or his. In the end I had to apologize, while my dad only said sorry when he was intoxicated or when he was very emotional which was rare. This all happened 6 years ago and I still cry about it because I feel so guilty and mad for endangering my family via CPS and for feeling so hurt over my dad berating all the time and calling me names and then hitting me. I am still working through my issues and I plan on getting better. I dont want to stay like this forever sorry for the vent I just started crying while typing this out and now all of these crappy feelings are flooding back dang

>>65375
>This thread makes me see how good I have it so I am somewhat embarrassed to have PTSD, I must just be fragile. Anyways it is mostly being bullied in elementary school. They threatened me with a lot of violence and I was afraid to go to school each day. The teachers didn't do anything about it so I had nowhere to turn. The kids would frame me for things and no one would ever take my side and I was punished for shit I didn't even do. And every time they talked to me it was a pretext for getting material to mock me with. Honestly to this day I can't believe people are being honest with me when they show kindness to me. They ruined my life
Reading this has made me do some reflection and I wonder if I have PTSD myself. I went through a similar bit of bullying as you did and I cannot take compliments or believe at first if someone is being honest or not when they're speaking to me. The fear I have of social situations is unreal and the way I deal with people is so rigid.

When I was 12 I stabbed my Dad.
Stabbing might make it sound like it was really horrible abuse, but honestly it wasn't and I just had issues with controlling my anger.
I remember getting in a few fights where he'd throw me down steps or I'd scratch at his face, and once he came in drunk while I was changing and pushed me to the ground for disrespecting him or something.
Those instances only happened once every few weeks though, and we sorted out our problems around the time I was 13 or 14.
For a while though, every time I heard somebody say the word "stab", my mind would immedietly remember the time I stabbed him. I'd get sick to my stomach, get paranoid it was a passive aggressive comment about my past, and feel intense shame.
I got in quite a few fights with my mother, we'd beat eachother up, pull hair, try to smother eachother etc.