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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Anonymous 112016[Reply]

are you girls also tired of seeing those typa straight relationships where they're only dating bc they're both conventionally attractive? they be at a function and u can just TELL they have absolutely nothing in common….. and they never make it through a whole year together bc being just pretty isnt enough to make it last…..

just something i noticed happening recently more than usual. what r ur thoughts?
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 112395

>>112016
I think young people (I'm talking high school to early 20s) today just don't know how to connect with people on a personal/emotional level. I blame porn and social media addiction.

Anonymous 112400

>>112395
true, but I believe it was like this even before the internet. It just enhanced it. Conventionally pretty looking people, who also happen to be healthy mentally, are mostly so bland and boring that they don't really have expectations when it comes to relationships besides "is looking good" and "isn't annoying". There's nothing special about them so why would there be anything special about their relationship? Purely transactional.

Anonymous 112438

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The truth about attractiveness is that it's necessary for the first impression and first impressions are super duper important because they actually start the conversation. After a while though, your face doesn't seems good looking or ugly anymore to the other person, it just becomes a familiar face. Think of it like looking at your mom's face. You don't think "She's so ugly" unless you put your mind to it but have a stranger approach you and you immediately start thinking about their looks. So, yeah. You do need to have things that click together and also be half-decent I guess.

Anonymous 112466

>>112033
>I'd rather be with a 6/10-looking guy who is truly my best friend, always makes me laugh, shares my opinions and interests

I've dated men like this. You fall head over heels for them because you think they really see you. Then because of their moid sensibilities, they slow fade you and you go crazy and start chasing them until they dump you. On net, probably not worth it. It's hard to fall for boring normies in the same way, and that reason in conjunction with their mental stability makes for a generally long lasting relationships that don't scar you.

Anonymous 112478

>>112466
AYRT; nah I dont fw online dating its a waste of time + he proposed to me already and are living together, have pets we take care of, and the wedding is in just a few months. Words of affirmation every day, lots of quality time together. If anything our love for each other gets stronger every day.

IRL > net


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Abusive OCD bf pt 2 Anonymous 95617[Reply]

>>>/feels/34633
Last thread hit limit and many nonas seem concerned for her safety.

If you see this, we hope you are ok! Please give us an update on the police situation.
84 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 112191

>>112176
Sorry if you answered this before, but did your husband ever get psychiatric treatment for his OCD?

Anonymous 112249

>>112191
No. When we stsrted dating he saw a psychiatrist and was given some medication and took it for a while but he stopped taking it because he found out it was usually prescribed for schizophrenia.

He claims that in the past few years he's gone to several psychiatrists and they all say he doesn't have ocd and everything is my fault. Maybe he doesn't have ocd, but he definitely needs help. I honestly don't believe he's contacted any professionals.

Anonymous 112278

>>112249
Antipsychotics are prescribed for severe OCD. Well, that would have been the one thing that could have made living with him more bearable, but if he’s not adherent definitely don’t invite him to live with you again.

Anonymous 112356

>>112278
I'm trying. It's hard to mive on from soneone who has been such a big part of my life.

I told him I'm not moving back but I would consider it if he gave proof he's at least seeing a therapist, admits he has been abusive, and can show he's changed.He wants to go to therapy together and I said okay, but again I'm not moving back any time soon.

Then he asked me if I was having trouble sleeping and I just told him truthfully "No. I'm way less stressed because I don't have to deal with (all his abusive behavior) and I'm not crying every day. I can do (conpletely normal things like watch tv and go for walks) when I want to. It's awesome."

He hasn't replied and I have to wonder if he realizes he just reminded me shy divorce is the best option.

Anonymous 112462

Now he's asking me if there aremen living with me because if so I'm "breaking the law." lol. I can't believe I used to let this kind of behavior control me. I still don't have a concrete plan but keeping communication open with him is actually reminding why I left and keeping me from romanticizing things.


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MCR and monoculture Anonymous 112335[Reply]

i was listening to my chemical romance a little earlier today and i felt a bit nostalgic for early 2000s emo culture. i remember how widespread emo and rock was (in the US at least) back then, and how simply being born in the early 2000s meant that you had some panoply of emo bands and songs that connected you to others of a similar time period. nowadays, emo is dead and you don't really see bands as universally venerated and, in my opinion, culturally impactful as MCR. everyone's music tastes and interests are different these days as the world becomes more globalized and "connected," in a paradoxical way.

weirdly, you can compare this a bit to religion. in a religiously homogenous nation like the US used to be, people are more likely to be more familiar with the bible, the story and values of christ, and the moral foundations for which christianity provides. in an irreligious nation, how would you know that your neighbor shares the same values of peace as you do? i can imagine that perhaps might lead to a lack of trust among people, and perhaps this is what people miss and value about religion.


do you guys kind of sense a lack of monoculture in modern culture? everyone's interests and attention are diverted everywhere, our values have become more and more isolated and individualistic. which is maybe not a bad thing by itself, but sometimes i feel like i have nothing in common with others and it contributes to this feeling of societal atomization. i maybe think this is why art consumption and discussion is so important in a country. if you feel similar, what kind of things or media do you think could revive a sense of a monoculture?

also this post may be rambly or incorrect in some way sorry
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 112375

The Film Theorists made a video about this exact topic about 4 months ago

Anonymous 112376

>>112375
really? what video

Anonymous 112386

>>112376
How YouTube Broke Your Brain. MatPat talks about personalized social media algorithms being responsible for the disappearance of the monoculture, and how tragedies have become the only thing EVERYBODY can discuss

Anonymous 112459

>>112386
i think i actually watched that video. is that the one where he talks about how marvel is becoming bad? might have to rewatch later, i enjoy film and game theory quite a bit and its sad matpat left.

i was thinking about it a bit more and, it's not like a monoculture, by virtue of simply being culturally homogenous, is good. i mean, there are countries where the rule of religion has inhibited progress, individual freedom, and the standard of living in some way. i guess what i'm moreso trying to point out is that it feels like the US used to have more of a creative monoculture. you watch older comedy shows and the abundant use of referential humor (honestly i dont really like referential humor but, still) shows that people used to have more aligning interests.

when i think of MCR, i think of an instance in which creative people are given a community and an opportunity to create a sort of cultural landmark for monoculture. like imagine if they got picked up by some soulless TV show's music company or through tiktok instead of being the result of a lively subculture and supportive producers that cared about honing their talent. even the way creatives are portrayed in media, the whole "failing artist who can't support themselves", shows that there's not as much community or support for creative people as there used to be, and why opportunities to create a monoculture fail. kind of like game of thrones, which could have been a major cultural landmark if not for HBO and DND dropping the ball.

this was a huge tangent, kinda poorly written, and went off a random point in retrospect but eh. hopefully you get what i mean

Anonymous 112460

>>112459
also
i dont necessarily think or am suggesting a monoculture by itself is good. i just think it can compliment the presence of external sub and counter cultures
idk how to encapsulate the sentiment fully but i think the distinction is important. or something


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Anonymous 112083[Reply]

Nonas I need y'alls advice.I know what I did is super fucked up. The guilt is eating me up now.

I am in a long distance setup since a year and this whole time I have been deceiving the guy. Basically I'm a catfish. I am not gonna lie in the beginning I liked the attention he gave to "me" but the guilt of it all was consuming me. Tried breaking up with him multiple times but wasn't successful. He also introduced me to his friends on internet who also became my internet friends and the only social interaction I had. He loves me and I love him too.

I'm terrified of coming clean to him because of the hurt it'll cause him. He has been through a lot in his life already. I feel so awful. I have lied so much it's horrific.

But I want to put an end to this whole thing and wish he finds a girl of his dreams whom he can fully trust, unlike me, a horrible horrible person.

What should I do nonas? I'm at a loss.
10 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 112429

Bump

Anonymous 112431

Remember catfishing is very common. You probably have self-esteem issues to work through, so be kind to yourself about it even if he isn't. If you tell him, be confident, apologize sincerely but don't grovel and be prepared to never speak to him again. Don't hope for forgiveness, just move on. And try not to do it again

Anonymous 112434

>>112431
How do I get out of his life without telling him the truth now? I am scared it will hurt him. He has been through a lot already

Anonymous 112442

You're not in a long distance relationship, you're in an online relationship and online relationships aren't real. You've never met this man. Might as well confess and take it to the real world asap if he reacts well. If not, nothing lost aside from time because it isn't a real relationship.

Anonymous 112444

>>112145
NTA but since you're the real you in the texts and only your appearance is a lie, I think if he's this in love with you tell him that the real reason you tried to break up with him is the fact that you don't look like your pictures but it's really you otherwise. Catfishing isn't honestly that uncommon and it's understandable that in this age of filters and Instagram models one would be self conscious enough to catfish even if it is wrong, it's rather empathetic.
Since this is online only still, you can even wait to reveal it once your self esteem is better and you're more ok with the possibility he is more upset with your looks than imo he should be for someone this in love with your personality. Then you can reveal it knowing worst case your relationship is simply over, best case you're still together and you're more free in conscience and can still be yourself around him and be at peace whatever the option but knowing the worst isn't so bad, and the best is simply wonderful


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friendless thread Anonymous 110737[Reply]

post here if you have no friends IRL. how did it happen? are you content with it? or just talk about whatever you want.
30 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 111617

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I feel so hopeless about how pretty much all of my friendships and relationships devolve into them berating me, insulting me, ignoring me, constantly cutting me off, leaving me out of things, feeling that hanging out with me is a chore and gossipping about me. I don't know if I have a target painted on my back or I'm just that fucking irritating to be around. It feels like no matter how much I try to build up, I only end up losing. I find one friend, we spend an enjoyable time together, I find another one, yay, now I have two friends!! and suddenly the first friend starts slowly phasing me out of their life. Maybe they were only hanging out with me out of pity?

The latest one was a person that I've known for 5 years. To be fair, he's also my ex, but I was under the impression that we've resolved all that circus and could genuinely continue hanging out after a year of pause. I know it sounds pathetic, but he's the only person who's ever gotten to know the real me, the only person I ever felt could understand me, the only person that I've truly felt joy hanging out with. But I guess even that has come to an end, because starting a few months back, all these things that he used to like about me, and other small things that imo don't even matter have started getting on his nerves to the point of publicly freaking out on me, with passers-by and the entire coffee shop clientele listening. The reason: I moved out of the way of some people who were filming in public and seemed bothered by us in the frame. I lightly urged him to come closer to me, and he blew up saying that I'm embarrassed of him, that I'm an abusive bitch, that he hates my mode of existence, hates how pointlessly self-aware I am of other people's eyes on me and how fucking pathetic that is (nevermind that at the beginning of the relationship we bonded over our shared experience of social anxiety), that I'm wasting his time, that I just want to argue etc. Once again, in public. And yet he has friends, and I don't. Female friends, who have completely frozen me out of their group, but he's fine. And all that after indulging me with talks about "how he's realized that he actually hates women" and all that tirade on people with mental illnesses or whatever the fuck. But the slimey fuck would never say it to their faces, and they would never believe my hysterical, crazy ass, right? 100% of all of our mutual female acquintances (and I was the one to introduce every. Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 111647

I can get away with it because my family is big and we're close, which in the end might be better or not but it does make me feel empty

Like, once grandma dies and the family stops being so tight knit I might be done for.

Anonymous 111839

I did it on purpose when I was 15 years old. In my country thats the year when we ably for secondary education (either high school or vocational school) so I applied to school I knew no one I know applied. I didn't make any friends in the new school and I blocked all the new people. It's my fault but I felt like my past was holding me back and those people remind of it, I wanted fresh start.

Anonymous 112385

>>111839
I did the exact same thing. Now I'm in university and I'm so lonely it's making me suicidal but I don't know how to make friends. I don't want to drink or go to parties or any other student events and my hobbies are solitary. The only way I meet new people is through classes but people there are either too hard to reach or I don't hit it off with anyone. I don't know any friend finding websites for my area either that aren't filled with normies and gendies.

Anonymous 112436

>>111617
I can kind of relate. In my case, I have precious few people in my life that actually care about me. Everyone else just tolerates me enough to get something from me and then leave as soon as I put up boundaries. I’m admittedly hyper vigilant when it comes to other people’s feelings and I’m quick to apologize if someone is upset with me, but I never get the same courtesy in return. No matter how I say things, people dismiss my feelings and never take me seriously until I pop off one day and then that’s it for the relationship— they don’t try to understand my perspective, they don’t care that I’m hurt, they just see me get angry and cry and cut me off. It’s not like I’m throwing things or anything, I’m literally upset that my feelings keep getting ignored.

Then I met somebody that had the same issue you have where people just seem to resent them out of nowhere and betray them. We actually had a lot in common and I enjoyed talking to her but she had an issue where she’d explode on me over seemingly nothing. I tried so hard to be compassionate and understanding, but eventually her tantrums got the better of me. She was super defensive, so we could never talk about why she was getting triggered and she never really apologized and when she did apologize it was after you and she’d literally say stuff like, “we’re so silly lol I’m sorry too you know what they say hurt people hurt people blah blah blah” and if I told her how I was feeling she’d completely dismiss me. In the end, I exploded on her after getting yelled at once again and the friendship is over.

I say all this but I don’t have any advice. I guess all I can offer is solidarity because shit is lonely out here.


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Having Chad and Stacy Relatives Is Pure Hell Anonymous 112225[Reply]

>Went to a family party.
>All the cousins end up splitting off in another room , away from the main party.
>My female cousin (who called me the ugliest person in the room )waltzes in with her new boyfriend.
>The topic of relationships comes up.
>My male cousin reveals his body count is now 4 (he lost his virginity when he was 15).
>Her sister says the only reason she’s not in a relationship is because she gets bored of guys too quickly
>I realize that even though I’m the oldest person in the room, I have the least amount of relationship experience.
>I haven’t even held hands with a guy yet while my baby cousins are drowning in romantic and sexual attention.
>Fuck my life.
9 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 112355

machiavelli.png

>>112352
i thought you were talking about this video: https://youtu.be/d6iQrh2TK98?si=1f8BbCsHwdq-GvM8&t=727 what you were saying sounded similar.
>The most important thing is that you want the normie to feel dumber around you, because it deprives the normie of power.
youre thinking like a real person and not like a normie. of course reason is power, but normies only see money, looks, and relationships as power. you trying to flaunt how knowledgeable you are to a normie is like showing your dog dollar bills: it makes no sense to them. And since normals rule the whole world, they decide what creates power, not us. Reminding the normie that they are dumb doesnt deprive them of any power. If anything, it's just a way for you to cope with the fact they see you as inferior due to your autism.
If you want the real-world benefits of being normie-passing (it's fine if you dont, but it sounds like OP does) then you have to play the game by their rules. If you make normies feel good by being around you, theyll do shit for you to make sure you stick around and think highly of them. For example, somebody like you could use your intellect to make normals feel smart and important in your presence. "Nona likes talking to me about smart topics like math, i must be smart like her. I want to keep feeling this way and learning from her so let me make sure to do favors for her so she keeps spending time with me." If you aren't as academically gifted, you can do this with pretty much anything. "Nona is so attractive and she likes spending time with me. this must mean i am of high value like her. I should do favors for her and buy her shit to make sure she keeps spending time with me." Once you do this with enough normies, you build a network of connections. This makes other normies think you are an important person and can be used to secure better connections. I have used this method to get simps to buy me shit, scholarships, and an internship. turn yourself into somebody people want to have around, and they will bend over backwards for you.

Anonymous 112363

>>112355
>this video
Oh damn he's talking about a similar problem lol, but I was just taking the more open "what's the probability the nth piece is the largest without any additional knowledge." He makes a mistake at 15:05 - the "1" in the sum should become a "1/S". Optimal stoppings become even more interesting if you assume a non-uniform underlying distribution. What's the probability we'll stop replying here?

>normies don't think like this
Correct but they still feel shame. Their go to defense is "I was never really a maths person." They try circumvent "I'm lazy" or "I'm stupid" by asserting (implicitly) that some people are just born with the magic ability to do maths better than them. The defense is torn apart easily when you say "yeah I had to do lots of homework to get good at it, no one's really born a maths person." You've ruined their defense. It's fun.

>normals rule the whole world, they decide what creates power
I diverge in opinion, normals don't even rule their choice of what to eat for breakfast, let alone the world. They are ran by the world, manipulated to a T. If the world were a car, the person ruling the world would be behind the wheel. In this case, normies are the petrol that's wasted to keep the car idling while you're waiting for the hubby to buckle the kids in the back seat. They're bent to the whim of the rulers, and they will be exploited in an instant - and enjoy it.

> "Nona likes talking to me about smart topics like math, i must be smart like her….
Yes, normies are easily exploited. The downside is you have to hang around them, which ultimately makes you the normie. Like you, for example - you're just a manipulative normie. Not a criticism, an observation. What you "get" from relationships can be summarised as "stuff". My end goal is not "stuff" - the moment I start wanting 'stuff' please for the love of God put a bullet in the back of my head. I have no desire to play that game, there is no winning or losing, only despair.

Anonymous 112369

happywomen.jpeg

>>112363
after wasting my youth being autistic, I decided I didnt want to be an autistic loser anymore. I studied animal behaviors, psychology, and politics then applied the same to humans so i could build the perfect persona. after lots of trial and error i have a few personas to use for different situations. I now get the best of both worlds. I'm free minded and dont fall into vapid traps that consume normals, but also get the material benefits of using normies to my advantage.
>normals don't even rule their choice of what to eat for breakfast, let alone the world
the normie behind the desk at your job interview decides if you get the job based on whether he or she likes you, not your skillset. Your superiors at work decide if you get the promotion based on whether they like you or not. The normies around you decide if youll have a hard time or easy time depending on if they like you or not. Sure, the people at the top 1% of the 1% are just using the normie's social structure to control them, but im never going to get there. For all intents and purposes, my life is ruled by normals. Most likely yours is too. The fact that you can see it means you are capable of learning to exploit it (if you wanted to).
>you're just a manipulative normie
i have officially ascended. thank you everybody. goodbye

Anonymous 112371

>>112342
You sound cool to hang out with, depending on the tone you used ib that example. I'm awful at math (memorizing my time-tables in my 30s because I didn't study as a kid) but your comnent about the cake slices would interest me and I'd want to make a guess at which slice would be biggest, too.

I'm not a normie, just kind of a failed cyborg. I feel like people at either extreme can really flourish if they're passionate about something and aren't afraid to TALK.

Anonymous 112388

>>112369
>the normie behind the desk at your job interview decides if you get the job based on whether he or she likes you, not your skillset.
This is only true if your skillset is common, run-of-the-mill-type stuff. It's also only true if you're applying for a job and not creating your own job. The point is to put effort into people who matter.

>I have ascended
You've only risen above that which sinks easily. You considered yourself a "loser" in your youth. What exactly made you a loser? What game did you lose, and did you choose to play it? I would suggest media study as an extension to your previous ones, if you haven't already. McLuhan et al.

>>112371
Thanks, potentially. There's a neat trick for multiplying numbers in their teens.

Take 17*18 for example
17+8=25

7*8=56

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Anonymous 112227[Reply]

i feel so annoyed towards normies who lie about having xyz disorder. i have ADD (ADHD without hyperactivity) and people don't believe me. i think huge reason is because normies lie about having ADHD because they ruined their focus span on tiktok and it's cool thing to have so people don't believe and they just think internet causes that.

ADD isn't just about bad focus, it affects my whole life. i am less capable literally than someone normal idc about normies saying it's superpower or wtf. shut up. i read same text 10 times but i don't know what it says because i can't focus and then get yelled by teacher for "not studying" for example. i forget, no talents, hard to keep anything up because i can't focus enough that i would be good. for example you see my English is bad, it's because i haven't study it at all i "learned" english by youtube. etc there are so many things i can't listen all and then some normie says "haha im soo adhd cant focus on this boring book"
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 112231

tiktok dealt a death blow to this, still remember one on some imbecile making silly "distracted" faces and saying this is what ADD was like.

Anonymous 112235

>>112228
yeah. i think here too even tho we use different diagnosis criteria so it's harder to get one (i assume than in the usa) but still feels like many people who are neurotypical get wrong diagnosis. thank you maybe one day.

>>112231
for sure, seems like many bad trends come from there

Anonymous 112247

I hate tiktok fakers, they wouldn't last one day with the disorders they claim to have

Anonymous 112303

warakami vaporwave…

>>112228
I'm gonna derail for a second, but honestly, the effect this stuff has had on society and child-development makes me think it should be strictly regulated the same way alcohol, cigarettes or eve drugs are. Not just TikTok, but all of these predatory ad-revenue subsisted services on the internet in general (though not completely banned of course; the information and creativity they offer is a good thing, it just needs to take on a different form). In fact, I'm pretty sure most websites with an option to register used to have a 14-year old age limit back in the day. What happened to that? Too easy to bypass? Or is datamining the entire population from infancy too alluring a prize?

And like, even if there really is a natural surge of ADHD and other attention disorders unrelated to TikTok, aren't we still undermining society if we're letting this one especially vulerable group of people become pray to superintelligent systems literally designed to manipulate them and take advantage of their fucked up braintype? They should be out there using their skills for hunting or whatever the fuck, not sitting in a box glued to a screen.

Anonymous 112318

I get interesting answers when I ask those types if it affected their ability to stay in work, pay bills, not fail class and brush teeth etc like me before I was diagnosed and medicated.


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are men capable of genuine love? Anonymous 110818[Reply]

so last month this guy that i've been talking to for a while confessed to me. his confession seemed genuine, and i was flattered since a man has never shown romantic interest in me before. last week i was speaking with one of his friends and apparently the guy only ever talks about me sexually, he just fetishizes me and didn't mean anything he said in his confession. after observing his other friends, i realized that they're all like this. men only befriend you because they want to hit, are they even capable of actual love? is it something to do with this generation? i'm scared to ever talk to a man ever again, probably won't.
65 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 112226

lots of evidence both biologically and historically to show that men do not have a good track record of actually being monogamous and actually happy in monogamy. Now that part has always been there, and now they are just becoming increasingly perverted degens. I think we aught to only use them for breeding new radfem spawn, all the current men are toast.

Anonymous 112248

There's this belief they can, once.

Anonymous 112250

>>112248
>>110818
Reminds me of Nobel prize winning scientist and notorious manwhore Richard Feynman. He had 3 wives, would sleep with his students, prostitutes and several of his colleagues wives. He wrote books about how to pick up women by treating them like shit.

Buuuut he was deeply in love with his childhood sweetheart, who he married despite her terminal tuberculosis and their families objection. He would continue to read her letters and write to her after she died, up till the day he died.

Anonymous 112305

>>112304
You clearly don’t have fantastic empathy.

Anonymous 112309

>>112304
go to war, dilate, 41%, 88% etc


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Unsent letters Anonymous 2119[Reply]

Ever wanted to give someone a piece of your mind but you know you'd just regret it? Post in here and get it off your chest.
467 posts and 86 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 111951

Dear Rachael

I don't know why you are ignoring me. It hurts. I have been there for the late night talks. Hours of you wanting to be liked, wanting to be loved, I understand that I cant give you what you want, but I offered you friendship and I send this letter in blood, sweat and tears, but I Know you are too much of a coward to accept it. So fuck you. Sincerely-Me.

Anonymous 111959

DEAR X

LEAVE YOUR ABUSIVE HUSBAND ALREADY JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SEE YOU HAVE MOMENTS OF SELF AWARENESS ONLY TO ALWAYS END UP GOING BACK TO HIM

I WILL NEVER STOP BEING PATIENT WITH YOU AND ROOTING FOR YOU

BUT YOU ARE MAKING IT SO HARD

</3

Anonymous 112036

What on earth do you want now? I said everything I meant. I thought you wanted me out of your life.
I wouldn’t mind spending time with you again, really. It’s this sickness in me. This obsession, which you know about. Now you know everything and yet you’re still there. Why?
I wish you would just come out and say whatever is on your mind but you’re incapable. And I’m incapable of closing the door forever. Idiot (both of us).

Anonymous 112213

19446-ysiel-windsi…

dear ysiel,

I really don't know how it feels. You've been through so much. All I know is that it felt right for us to be together and that I cannot get you out of my head. I'm not sure the reason I was pushed away this time, I'm sorry if I was too forward. If you ever want to chat I will accept you with open arms and no judgement. The memories we made just play on repeat in my head all day even after all these years. I'll miss you forever, and I hope you find peace.

Anonymous 112293

D,

I'm sorry I've always been an awful big sister. I know it's late but I'm going to try to make things up to you.


high-school-studen…

how the fuck do i control kids with a timid personality and a small frame being a teacher? Anonymous 110272[Reply]

having no experience in working as a teacher for now im just asked to do desk work and to observe other teachers to learn from them, but yesterday as someone was busy i was asked to cover for them and it was a really embarassing day for me.
some kids used their cell phones in class, and i grabbed one of their phones but just as i turned back to do something the phone was gone and someone swiped it back. maybe 20% of the class listened to what i was saying while the rest were just talking or sleeping. some of them didnt finish their homework and were copying them in class. some of them didnt care about me when i asked to submit their homework notes even if it was empty and only like 10% of them gave their notebooks. one kid didnt even notice that i was standing next to him and was using his phone and scrolling instagram. some kids started to ask me if i am in a relationship and my age and my personal details and being the oversharing idiot i am i was responding to them and saw them sisterly. theyre girls so its cool but later i realized its very unprofessional.
i felt disturbed by all this and went to another teacher and she told me that im supposed to control the class and that i dont have to be tyrannical but i have to explain what theyre doing is wrong and make them face the consequences for their rule breaks and i just dont know what to do. one thing she told me that affected me the most is that "you are not their friend" and "dont let them call you "sis".

there are some teachers who are scary and also tyrannical ways to control students like shaming them for being dumb but i feel that these things are so wrong. i dont want to make the kids feel bad and traumatize them but at the same time i wish i also knew how to control them and make them be decent so that i dont get fired for being a poor teacher. there are rules that i shouldnt abuse, even verbally, but other teachers dont seem to care and call them horrible names.
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Anonymous 111093

>>111058
>If it got really bad I'd lock out the bad kids.
Lock out as in asking them to leave the classroom?

P111059
There is a no phone rule where I work but it's not really "enforced" properly because of negligence and irresponsibility. They collect cellphones every morning but they don't really count it and some students lie that they didn't bring their phones. I think some students even keep it in their undergarments and we can't really frisk them because there's a no touch policy.

>I hope you find a solution soon and stay sane lol.
Yeah, it's quite hectic. I have to deal with both incompetency in the workforce and antisocial behavior in students. There's no rest.

Anonymous 111206

>>111093
>Lock out as in asking them to leave the classroom?
Pretty much. Locking the door so that physically violent kids can't get in, or taking the rest of the class somewhere else. I don't think they'd leave if I asked them, but maybe they would because then they just go home. Ideally I'd just want the violent ones expelled; instead we coddle them because they come from a trauma background. A kid comes to school with a knife, we call police to remove him, and half the staff are upset that we're turning away someone who has nowhere else to go. School isn't a recovery house, but more and more discourse is subtly giving us the roll of therapist without the pay of therapist.

>incompetency in the workforce and antisocial behavior in students.
Had an older teacher say he's "not good with technology". He wanted to make text bold in MS word. Infuriating, you could say.

Anonymous 111215

>>110982
>Um, nonas seeing all these replies make me think that teaching is a job where narcissists and psychopaths thrive.
Gee you think

>position of power over a microcosm that you rule
>plenty of opportunities to be manipulative and controlling over a whole bunch of individuals
>can even be psychopathic and abusive and very easily get away with it unless the administration is really on top of things (when does that ever happen)
>shit pay, mediocre hours, highly unpleasant environment if you DON'T enjoy manipulating and controlling the students (because then you are the one they will be trying to abuse)

Anonymous 111831

>>111215
>im a dropout with nothing to show for my life so i still hate and a-log my teachers

how are people not over shit that happened to them in high school get over yourself

Anonymous 112236

>>111831
I have a Master's actually. And of all the teachers I met in school, a minority was actually capable of empathy, the majority was complete garbage.

Professors are completely different, because becoming a professor is an extremely prestigious career, plus they get to do research rather than just teaching. The worst professors I had at university were just the kind who clearly wanted to sit in their lab and treated their classes as an annoying job obligation. None of them actually lorded over the students. (I've heard of stories of abusive professors when it comes to like PhD mentorship, but even that is not exceedingly widespread.)


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