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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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News: /cgl/ has been merged with /hb/.
Please read the rules! Last update: 01/18/2019


Limerence Anonymous 21754[Reply]


Are you experiencing or have you ever experienced limerence for somebody else? What is your story? How did you recover?

I've recently learned about this concept and understood what I thought was "love" is actually limerence for that person. It cleared up a lot of things for me and I hope I will now be able to take the right steps to get over it.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 21954

I feel this all the time.
It's like you realize it's less them you want, than just the idea of having someone love you in return.
This can be applied to friendships too, I think.

Anonymous 21982

Wanna know what's worse? Wishing you could make someone feel loved.

Anonymous 22019

>It's like you realize it's less them you want, than just the idea of having someone love you in return.

Anonymous 22131

am in limerence for a guy i made out with once two years ago. we dont speak any more and i have a boyfriend now but i cant stop fantasising about that one guy i knew for a few hours in 2017.

Anonymous 22147

what did you mean with this reply


friendless feels Anonymous 7474[Reply]

the title says it all.

i ended up scrolling through the account of someone a few years younger than me and saw posts like pic related…just people (kids i guess) having fun with their friends and it made me sad because i never got to have that ):

can anyone relate?
also, general friendless anon thread.
199 posts and 41 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 22084

what do you mean Im impossible? and no they have done it multiple times as well as other gross things. they obviously have no shame

Anonymous 22087

Then shame them, and get egotistical. If you want to be anything but depressed, you aren't helping yourself. There's people beyond your campus, right? Go meet them, if these people you are surrounded by are so shameful. If you don't have the time, then make it. Having your schedule clouded up today with work can only serve to make you regretful for doing nothing but work for your past.

Anonymous 22089

Im not depressed tho?

Anonymous 22090


Anonymous 22093

Just stop responding to the troll tbh


I have always wanted to get married Anonymous 21931[Reply]

Don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. And of course my classmates are fucking getting married.


Anonymous 21953

You don't just get married
There are a few steps prior

Anonymous 21968

I love being married but the divorce rate is high. You might not be married yet, but that doesn't mean you're going to lose out in the long term because a lot of those marriages are going to fail.

Waiting longer means you'll have a better chance of finding someone you can actually spend the rest of your life with.

Anonymous 21972

I know there's this big push to get married in your early 20's, especially for women, but there's no need. Most of these young married couples who just got married because of "lol it's the right time" will end up divorced in 10 years.
I get that feel too. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get married because I'm 22 years old and single while all of my colleagues are in serious relationships/getting engaged/marrying. However, us "left over women" are better off in the end. How many attractive successful men are in a massive rush to get married by 25? Exactly.

Anonymous 21981

Disregard the naysayers. Make your dreams come true, anon! Just be careful, patient, and don't let anyone squeeze you for what they want.

Anonymous 22067

i know how you feel anon.
something about having a person just feels comfy. i want a domestic partnership so bad, but i also know how important it is to find that right fit. a relationship should grow


Anonymous 2619[Reply]

Dear crystal.cafe
I'm turning 22 in a few days and for some reason I feel incredibly old ( most people I work / interact with are 18-20)

What is something that you would like to have known when you where 22?
What is some advice you wish someone had given you ?
38 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 5122

I guess my post is kind of off topic because it isn't really aging advice but just general life advice I wish someone had told me at 22 cause I had to figure out all this really intimidating adult financial stuff about buying cars and homes and insurance on my own.

Anonymous 5143

I could use some advice on how exactly to go about finding these older role models…

Anonymous 19468


really like your advice. thank you anon

Anonymous 19800


I'm not OP but
>implying most men ever looked at my plain Jane face with any sense of interest/attraction

Don't need to worry about getting old and unattractive if you were never really attractive in the first place.

Anonymous 22006

something i wish i had known specifically is that it's not the fucking end of the world if you don't know what to do. more specifically you can actually go to grad school whenever, it doesn't have to happen right away.
deal with depression when it comes up. you deserve help. don't hide the fact that you're struggling from people who love you, EVER.
make time to find and keep hobbies. you're not only allowed to do something fun when you have completed all other responsibilities.
it's ok to move back in with your parents for a bit. i did it for grad school. if you're doing it to ease a financial burden while you job hunt or go to school or work to save money, and they're okay with it, it's really not the end of the world.
also i'm 23, almost 24… i think the main thing for us is to remember that we're not that old, we're very young. might as well enjoy it.


Anonymous 21884[Reply]

I am posting here a bit for advice, but mainly to vent. I really don't have anyplace else to just dump out what I am going through. My sisters would just get sucked in and the only friend I know wouldn't gossip told me I am living in a telenovela and said she has no ideas.
I come from a big, complicated family. My family has lived in the same mostly-rural area since before the Civil War and my great-grandfather had 9 children from his 3 wives and all his kids had a lot of kids, so - lots of half-siblings and 2nd cousins twice removed, etc. We are fairly close, overall, especially since the family still all lives within about 150 miles of each other.
Last Spring I got a job at a local office for a big company. I'm still in university, but the money is ok and they let me work around my school schedule, so I am very grateful. in Autumn a consultant was brought in for the IT department. I remember at first the office was making fun of him before he even got there,
"The IT consultant is a guy from Alabama? Do they even have computers in Alabama?"
[Our office is near the Great Lakes]
Then they found out he is only 22 and it got worse.
He arrived and, well, it stopped. First, he's huge. 6'4", 230 lbs, obviously a gym sort. Second, he graduated Georgia Tech when he was 19. Third, he's really handsome with blue eyes, a deep voice with a southern drawl, and, just….
And last, he's very warm and friendly.
I met him as soon as I could because he has an unusual last name. Not 'one in a million' but not Smith, but it is a name in my family. So the second day he was in I met and told him I had relatives with that name, so we talked. He had never been close to where I lived, had never met any relatives I knew, his family had been in Georgia for 30+ years, his family was Catholic (we're all Baptists) I had never heard of him, so - coincidence, I figured.
But we really hit it off at that lunch and pretty soon we were having lunch every Thursday. After a month he asked me out and we did a movie and dinner. The religious differences were odd, but OK, especially since we are both committed to waiting until after marriage.
By Halloween my mom was insisting he meet her and dad, so he came to dinner. Mom interrogated him like I had, but relaxed a lot when he (I'll call him John) told her his father's first name. Dad and John really liked each other immediately, and mom warmed up to him. My kid sisters adPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 21992

i don't know what to tell you but this is a pretty incredible story.

good luck anon. hope everything comes out okay.

Anonymous 21993

So is he 2nd or 3rd cousin? Apparently 3rd cousin is optimal for genes passing and lack of disadvantages of inbreeding.

Anonymous 21995

I don't believe it, and it's my story. I went to dinner with my Mom last night.
She really, really loved Henry. He told her he'd stay away so she could live a life with her mom and dad in it. But she loves my dad, and they've built a life. She called henry the night before with Dad there. Henry loved his wife and Mom insists Henry and Dad hit it off. Mom says that Henry supports me seeing John and Mom says Dad is probably going to support it, too.
She apologized for freaking out. But I think it is going to be OK.

A prof I talked to said we're the same as 3rd cousins. And John says his priest said there was no rules against it in the Catholic church. John and I called earlier today. He says he's flying up next weekend, staying at the same hotel, and he hopes I meet him.I hope things are going to work out.
There is a funny bit. Henry is really tall and well-built, like John. Dad joined a gym!


Internet SO's Anonymous 2597[Reply]

(some slight bladerunner 2049 spoilers but not really)
Just came back from across the country today from a week-long vacation visiting my "internet boyfriend"- a guy I met on another chan that I fell in love with and went to meet IRL for the first time. It was insanely bizarre– to go from videochatting every single day to actually being able to touch and hold and caress and sex him.It was everything I'd hoped it would be, but now that I'm back in this crappy part of the world and away from him it is so painful. Part of me thinks it was a mistake to allow myself to fall in love with someone I met online, but another part recognizes that this is life and living and love is never painless.

We saw the new blade runner together and that moment when the wAIfu was disconnected from the house and started walking around and experiencing things felt so real to me. It was like Her, except in real life.

I don't think I can bear to be apart from him anymore. It is so painful and I feel so physically alone now, all by myself in a city with no friends.

Share other similar experiences? How do you deal with this?
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 20849

Internet long distance relationships are extremely difficult. Every one that I've been in has made me a real mess afterwards. I just feel lonely and isolated the whole time, craving genuine physical affection that I can feel. But in real life I'm a mess, too, and get really scared about having sex with anyone.

Anonymous 20919

Loving someone that's an ocean away was absolutely paralyzing and I've taken every step to avoid ever falling in love on the internet again.

I loved someone I met on old school RuneScape while I was in college. We spent so much time together over a 4 month period. Like constant 8-14 hour sessions just talking and playing the game together. But it didn't end so well. the emotional disparity and lack of physical affection takes its toll mentally.

I remember feeling the highest highs and the lowest lows while being with them. Greatest times of my life, but I was legit depressed for like 6 months after it ended.

It all feels like a dream now. Love is in strange places, but at the end of the day you have to be careful where you look for it. Fuck edating

Anonymous 20927


>Love is in strange places, but at the end of the day you have to be careful where you look for it. Fuck edating

So well put, and too true. Dating someone on the other side of the world is an isolating experience. A timezone difference of 7 to 16 hours. Rarely being on the same wavelength because when you're getting up, he's going to bed, or when it's morning for you it's late afternoon for him. The knowledge that you'll probably never meet. The extreme levels of trust it takes to believe he isn't just stringing you along as a side thing online while talking to other girls at the exact same time, or seeing someone else in real life.

>I was legit depressed for like 6 months after it ended.

Yup. Same here. I've never felt that strongly for anyone in my life, but I still wouldn't recommend it to anyone. The lack of physicality, especially when others in your life are dating or having children, is soul-crushing. You want so badly to do it, too, but they're not there and you don't even know if they truly reciprocate your feelings because everything's done online, pushed through a filter. I've done it twice and each time gave me some brilliant highs, always followed by the lowest lows in my life. Against my better judgment, I tried a third with someone I met recently. I really like him. He's sweet and makes me happy, but he's so far away, and it hurts so much already.

Perhaps I am just selfish, or maybe it's my low self esteem… but I want to talk to him and know that I have his undivided attention. I don't want to wonder if he's talking to someone else at the same time, or browsing youtube while we're talking. I want to visit and cuddle on his couch and hold him. Actually hold him. I want to kiss and hold hands and cuddle and be intimate, and I can't do any of that. It's crushing. I feel lonelier while I'm in the relationship than I do when I'm single. Every good moment is so bittersweet, and just seeing couples on the street makes me want to burst into tears on the spot. Couple that with the constant not-knowing, the huge trust requirement, the moments when you message him and he takes forever to respond, and I just can't handle it. I get obsessive and become this clingy, jealous person.

I'd rather be alone than deal with that. I was fine being alone bePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 20966

Feeling alone in a relationship is never fun, and isn't right!

I get the whole clingyness thing. There's just hardly any verification to support what trust you have. Instincts are kicking in and screaming at you because this LDR thing is all new (from an evolutionary/instinctive point of view) .

At the end of the day your mental health comes first and you're the sole guardian of it. do what you must to bring yourself to a better place. My edating past was difficult to overcome but we all need to do it or we'll end up old and alone. because LDRs that started online fail 99 times out of 100 anyways.

my strategy towards reforming is being happy with myself, loving myself, and leading a good life. why do I need a partner across the ocean in order to do that?

Anonymous 21975

I got out of a multi-year relationship with someone who lived on another continent and I can't recommend it. Great highs are followed by devastating lows, especially if you both work and your schedules never line up, and then after a while you carry your resentment over into the real life meetings because there's this pressure to make the most of it.

Needless to say we grew apart and ended things.

animu apu.jpg

Anonymous 21904[Reply]

I finally finally broke free of the femcel curse and had my first kiss - But would it be unfair to expect anything from it?

We were at a get together, two of my friends and the house owner - We all got drunk. He kept picking me up and I kept looking over at him, and It ended with me laying beside the house owner/cuddling up to him, I had my hand on his hand then around his shoulder and on his arm, I had my leg on his and he was kind of stroking my leg with his hand, and when I had to go he picked me up and I leaned in for a kiss and yeah we kissed. Was this just some sort of casual drunk thing or do you think I should pursue him? I'm so fucking glad I broke out of the kissless part of the kissless virgin thing but aaahhh.I hope I don't end up attached

Anonymous 21907


Anonymous 21909

thank you! that was the happiest moment of my life. though its hard to potentially accept that a kiss in a basement while you're both drunk may not lead to anything

Anonymous 21910

very ultragood

Anonymous Moderator 21938

Locked for being a duplicate thread. This is a very slow board, don't make several threads for the same situation. Just keep using the existing thread. Necroposting is not a concern due to how slowly the board moves.


Anonymous 21932[Reply]

I've already made a thread about this but it was with the wrong perspective. I kissed somebody while drunk and they were the first boy I've ever kissed or cuddled with, but we were both drunk and I think they just don't care about me in the slightest which feels very very very bad because it was a genuinely special and valuable moment for me and I feel like an idiot and feel like I'm going to hold onto that for the rest of my life. I might, just might, be overreacting or being stupid but I doubt it. The reasons I believe that are because 1. We had just met that night, and 2. They did add me on snapchat but when I tried to talk to them they just messaged me very very very brief things then just left me on open.

I don't really know what to do or how to stop feeling so fucked up and over by the fact that I wasted a valuable moment.

Anonymous Moderator 21934

There's no reason to have 2 active threads about the same situation. Please go and post this in your first thread. >>>/feels/21915


Anonymous 21838[Reply]

Do you get anxious about making accounts/usernames? I always spend a lot of time thinking about my username, how I like it, how it sounds, how it looks, and what other people will think about it. And half the time I end up not liking it lol.

I've been putting off joining a forum for a fandom I like because I'm so stuck up on what I want to go by.

I feel like this isn't normal.

How do go about creating an identity? Or do you not put much thought into it?
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 21859


i go with things that sound nice, or are vaguely related to the site i'm joining. e.g. egowisp, moonslip, shit like that.

only ever get anxious over the names being connectible somehow – i take my privacy very seriously.

Anonymous 21864

Don't you get inspired at random times?

Instead of a notepad, I just write down whatever I think of on my phone's notes app.

Anonymous 21879


I've turned to song lyrics a few times.

I totally agree with you on keeping fandom/interest accounts separate from I'll accounts. I'm in awe/envious of people who don't see the need to.

Anonymous 21923

anon im exactly the same, ive always been terrified of being known by a name, ive always wanted to be an artist but never could work up the courage to start posting on tumblr because idk if the name would be good enough and if i ever got popular id be stuck with it, im 20 now so i think that windows forever closed since most artists build up their following when young

Anonymous 21929

I ended up making a decision and even though I'm still flip-flopping, I'm going to keep it and just not sweat it (or try not to)


OP here, I'm an artist too, lol. Twenty is still young,don't worry about that. My one advice for art accounts is avoid super fandom specific names. Good luck!


Anonymous 20275[Reply]

Hi /feels/!
I need your help. I have a problem with a guy in my class. Despite his looks (Bookish nerd, relatively short, thin, eyes with dark circles and somewhat long hair) he keeps stepping outside the social ladder and being a smug jackass who makes fun of me and calls me stupid. And while I'm not the most popular of the bunch, I just can't stand a worm like that stepping out of his social strata and punching this far upwards.
When I confronted him about why he does this he just said she finds me funny, laughed, then excused himself and went to whatever place he usually lounges at.

So /feels/, how can I take revenge on the little faggot? Telling the teachers is out of the question because he's a teacher's pet too.(YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US)
138 posts and 25 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 21869

Nothing. Please just be yourself. No act, no trick. Enjoy yourself. You've been waiting for this.

Anonymous 21871

why are you chasing the guy? imo he should be chasing you if you want things to work out in the long run. men are dumb and generally want to feel like they're in charge.

Anonymous 21872

Taking it slow is A-OK but expecting marriage to come before sex is just one of the things I love about our weird stock characters here on the ruby.restaurant.

Anonymous 21883

Don’t listen to this >>21852 prude, OP! Suck his dick on the first opportunity you two are in private! That’s sure to shock him and make him attached. Get in his pants as fast as you can! It’s really liberating!

Anonymous Admin 21888

OP finally slipped up, started samefagging in their own thread, and posting fetish bait elsewhere on the board, which eradicates all remaining doubt that this is bait/larp. I'll remove it in a short while, just wanted to let everyone know what happened.

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