/feels/ - Advice & Venting

how do you come to terms with being too ugly to be loved? how do you accept that you're never going to experience the rush of a passionate relationship? how do you accept that no man will ever be able to look you in the eyes and tell you you're beautiful? how do you live with the fact that even if you found someone its better to leave it at that so you don't have children that will suffer just as you have? i feel so stuck and isolated, ive been isolated my entire life. i dont have the social skills neccessary to be a "personality" "as long as youre happy" girl, so even if i could be seen past that it would amount to nothing. there is nothing i could offer someone past the looks i dont have.

oh and before anyone says some "just improooooove" i starved myself and gymratted to the lowest weight ive ever been, to my peak physique, nothing changed. nothing improved. my bones are completely wrong. this is not a problem i can fix and its getting harder and harder to live with. without love there is no future, our purpose is boiled down to reproducing, continuing our bloodline, finding love. its not something i'll ever be able to do. it's over and done.

I feel like I'm so ugly without makeup. Even after being showered in compliments. I get many compliments from unattractive men. I never get any from men that are good looking. Tinder, instagram, real life

How do I cope?

Okay so I basically never had a normal relationship with my family, they are pretty judgy of what I do and who I am and they are kind of haters but I genuinely never liked them.
Every time I get out of room I get so angry seeing them, they totally make me not wanna live the day lmao.
Maybe it’s because of years of never being understood and liked by them but seeing my family genuinely makes me sad and tired, i hate going to the kitchen and they are there, i hate waking up and seeing them. They never really liked me and often make fun of me but the moment i show that it hurts me they think I am being crazy and judgmental.
Should I just let them be bipolar towards me or just get out of this house asap?

I always wanted to be a writer (yeah, I know), but I went into STEM because it seemed the more practical choice. Throughout undergrad, I spent all of my free time writing short stories, random experimental pieces, and fanfiction. Frankly, I took it more seriously than my actual work. Now, due to cognitive dysfunction caused by severe mental illness, I can barely do my real job at all. I'm still able to write, albeit much slower; it's all I've been doing while on medical leave. Now, my leave is about to end. I'm worried that I still won't be able to do my job (I've only just begun to see minor results from treatment), but my main concern is that the extreme stress of my job will keep me from writing (like it did before I went on leave). I hated my job even before I started having health issues, since the work environment is hostile to women and the job itself is at once both stressful and soul-crushingly boring. What should I do? My degree is in mathematics and math is what I'm having the most trouble doing right now, so I don't even know what other job options would be good for me. I was thinking of just going back to being a wagie so I can spend my free time writing. I have no illusions about the likelihood of becoming successful as a writer, but at least I'd be able to do what I enjoy. I am open to other suggestions, though.

i'm just now finishing my 2nd year in university and for the two years that i've been here i genuinely haven't had a conversation with a person besides someone asking me like "is this seat taken" or something in a class. i haven't had any friends for 5+ years since all my friends from middle school just stopped talking to me when high school started. i think i'm so socially retarded and lacking in social skills that at this point i don't even know how to make friends even if i desperately wish to do it. i never learned these skills as a child either because for as long as i can remember i've felt like my presence is a burden to other people and i've thought that i'm doing a service to them by speaking or being seen as little as possible so even as a child i didn't engage or begin conversations with people. there's no point to this i just can't see how a life like this is worth living in the long run and i wish that eventually i'll have the courage and decisiveness to kill myself.

Why do people get married only to cheat or divorce? Shouldn't they know if they're happy to be together BEFORE they get married?

hi all! i've been friends with a girl for about 8ish months now. we were very close friends until about april when she cut me off and we stopped talking for about 50 days. i'm not completely sure why she cut me off, but she has some mental health struggles that likely come into play there. at the time she cut me off, she was somewhat cold and made it seem like she wanted nothing to do with me.

but, about a month ago, she reached back out to me because she missed me. while i had mostly gotten over her, i was very glad to see her again. we talked a lot and we started dating. about two days ago, she revealed to me that she never actually loved me, and that she kind of just dated me in order to make her father proud/because of social pressures. we broke up, and she spiraled like she did a few months ago and cut me off once again. she keeps saying that she doesn't care when i try to reason with her, or that i should stop trying to fix her.

i'm not angry with her, even though she thinks i am. if anything i'm just sad that she's doing this to me and herself. i consider her a close friend, but at the same time, i'm not sure if i can continue dealing with all of this. the constant self-loathing, the random mood switches, worrying that she's okay when she goes ghost, and getting abandoned over and over again takes a toll on my mental health. i love her, but i'm not sure what to do next.

it's likely that she will get over this sooner or later, and continue trying to reach back out to me. i'm also going to have to see her again in a few weeks because of an activity we participate in together. i really want to be friends with her, but at the same time, i'm aware that the dynamic we have isn't healthy. she's started struggling with heavy drug abuse as well, which has probably also impacted her mental health.

when she reaches back out, i plan to tell her that we can be friends again, but only under certain conditions. our friendship can't continue the way it has been. she will have to seek help for her drug abuse/mental health issues before i can be friends with her again. it makes me very sad that i have to do this, but it's also the only way things can be right between us.

anything else you think i should ask of her?

side note: i'm also considering seeking out a psychiatrist, because i am aware of some unhealthy tendencies that i have too. i tend to be pretty attached to her, and worry a lot about her.

how do u be a better person and develop empathy no joke. without speaking to anyone except my boyfriend ever (no glue no borax) i treated him so horrible i just want to give him everything he deserves hes helped me so much in life hes saved me but i keep lashing out at him and blaming him because everything feels so wrong in my head and idk what to do he said im a narcissist but idk how to fix that therapy isnt an option because every single time ive gone ive been completely enabled and it was horrible, im not conscious at all of my bad traits either i grew up isolated as fuck im too socially retarded to even realize doesssanyone else get that what do we do nonaz

The whole phenomenon of this dude is proof that standards/body-shaming/fatphobia don’t exist for males. If the original post had been of a woman it would be like any other post and be lost to time. But because someone had the audacity to try to socially enforce any rock bottom, bare minimum physical standard for the sacred male, everyone threw a fit and he got a whole media festival of events, money and opportunities thrown at him for weeks on end. In real life a female is torn to shreds for not spending most of her mental energy on appearances, but something as febrile as “hey maybe a male shouldn’t be so fat he can barely walk” is completely socially unacceptable and would get you fired while every handmaiden within ten miles performatively throws themselves on his gangrenous fat-entombed micropenis.

Have you ever gone to jail or prison? How was it and what were the whole processes?