/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I have one male friend and I know he would fuck me if he got the chance because I'm attractive. I don't care. He's respectful and I'm not going to stop trading esoteric memes with him.

>>53833
I don't even care at this point if my female friends talk behind my back. As long as they're around when I need them, they can say whatever they want about me.

>>103699
>I don't even care at this point if my female friends talk behind my back. As long as they're around when I need them, they can say whatever they want about me.

Honestly just don't make friends with groups only make friends with women individualistically. Also idk why people say this as if men aren't incapable of talking shit or gossiping in their own cliques. Talking shit happens in all cliques regardless of gender.

>>103565
Thank you for being so understanding. I don’t feel like many people understand it. My partners never had any understanding for it and found it weird how close I like to be with people. It’s just when I like someone, I want to get close to them. Sometimes I feel like I’m not made to be only with one person. But idk. Maybe I‘m also being unhealthy. I’m just struggling with this because I often have to suppress my feelings

>>103709
I am not trying to demean you or accuse you of anything, but I hope you know that can cause issues for others in the future. Men do not think the same way and the way men love is very different, their love is not innocent and cute but ravenous. I am not judging you, just saying to be very careful with men… There is a reason why many women are afraid to be affectionate with men they are not romantically involved with, even with pure and platonic intentions…

I've had a male friend since I was a teenager, so we've been friends for more than a decade.
We supported eachother through difficult times and we were really close for a long time.
Our friendship is defitenly different than my female friends. With my female friends I'm more inclined to act dumb and have childlike fun, while with him I tend to be more chill, since he is a reserved and calm.
He became one of the persons I always ask advice, especially when it comes to family issues, work or studies. I have a good trust on him

That said, this year it has been weird. He has been slowly getting distant. I try to act as usual but he's not the same anymore. I would blame the fact that he got into a relationship, but he has been in relationships in the past and it didn't affect our friendship.
I guess I just have to accept things as they are

>>103649
>the etymology argument
Homo: same
Phobia: fear
Homophobia: fear of the same so like twins or clones. Nothing to do with gays.

>>103656
Unironically yes. Hatred of gays should be called antihomosexuality. Homophobia doesn't share much with other words ending with 'phobia' (claustrophobia, arachnophobia), since 'phobias' involve fear, while 'homophobia' is more like a hatred

>>103590
idk it's supposed to be special ig

>>103671


he's my first boyfriend and i was his first girlfriend too

>>103558
Why even lie about vaping? Seems really silly. I’m sorry nona, that you have been with such idiots

>>103655
I have "clockable" features (thanks hormone issues) and am best described as GNC. I wish I was smaller and more feminine by default, but I'm an adult now and recognize it was simply never meant to be in this body, so I empathize with trans women who will never pass (and honestly I seethe just as much as they do when I see a "passoid" who looks more female than me). I lean into androgyny because it's the only way to cultivate attractiveness on this unfeminine female body.

Despite all this I've never felt "male" and that's mostly because I've never felt the urge to do something pathetic or terrible for a chance at sex, which I consider the distilled essence of man. Because of how I look I could easily they/them for clout but I've always considered it like the LGBTQ+ equivalent of a participation award.

i have trauma, mild 'tism and i was a tomboy growing up.

I also had a really shitty relationship with my mother and almost all of the women in our family were exactly like her in some aspect, and having autism made me really struggle to connect with non-neurotypical girls so i grew up thinking i was some kind of fucking freak and that i was "supposed to be born a boy."

Thankfully i grew up in the 2000s to early 2010s and the tranny bullshit wasn't really that much of a thing. I never really said anything about how i felt to anyone because i was really hung up about making myself seem like more of an outsider or a weirdo.
I sort of ignored it throughout my teenage years because i had other issues to deal with, but from 2019 to the start of this year i was non-binary and it really made me feel so much fucking worse. I felt like i was lured into it with false promises that it'd get rid of my problems surrounding accepting that i'm a woman and spent years in a state of confusion and just making myself stand out in the worst way possible.

the reason i hate the tranny and genderspecial shit is because it's basically a cult, i know it's such an overused comparison but i can't call it anything else. Everyone who identifies as transgender/non-binary or whatever has mental health issues and all this does is promote the idea that you should just hyperfixate on gender, hate yourself, mutilate your body and become a big pharma guinea pig instead of actually addressing your problems first and foremost.

it promotes an almost narcissistic level of self-fixation to the point that it doesn't really leave any fucking room for positive personal development. Every TIF/TIM/genderspecial i've ever met is either miserable, has no social awareness, combative, lazy, a bonafide sexual predator or are just outright unpleasant.

it'd just be helpful to tell TIFs in a similar situation to myself that just because you don't feel like you fit in as a girl doesn't mean you need to go and skinwalk an anime boy that you want to fuck or steven universe or whoever the fuck else and make your life needlessly miserable. Go to therapy or do something that helps you understand the impacts of trauma and autism and how it affects you instead of trooning out. You can be a fucking woman and have trauma, autism or whatever. You just need to work on navigating it.

For me, the worst that happened was that I roleplayed as a anime guy when I was 13.
I felt more comfortable to roleplay as guy then when I roleplayed as a girl, but I found that was because of the extremely high standards I was giving myself.
Even when I was feminine, I was mocked for being fat and having male hobbies like gaming and some guys at school would call me a man to mock me (the same guys that then would try to sexual assault me lol)
Now I am confident and comfortable in my femininity.

>>103682
I never even told her, never told anyone but my sister about my fantasy of trooning out. It was because she started noticing me dressing like a boy that she started to give me pep talks saying how I'm a girl and how devastated she would be if I wanted to be something else. She just knew instinctively. I think for some teenagers it would just make their beliefs stronger and make them want to rebel more but for others maybe they will start to feel upset for their loved ones and stop the trooning process.

When I hit puberty at the age of 10, I displayed behaviours that would now be considered signs of being trans, but it was the late 2000s so I didn't make the connection and neither did anyone else around me. I started to viciously hate sexually mature females and femaleness, openly talk about wanting to change my name to be gender neutral, dread the thought of having breasts, dread the thought of starting my period, dissociated from my body, blocked out the reality that I had breasts and my period would come soon, switched to gender neutral body covering clothes, openly and explicitly protested at being called "she" and "girl". But I didn't really identify with males either, I hated them too. I had no idea what I wanted. I liked beardless, skinny, long-haired, androgynous male characters and created an alter-ego OC but didn't really connect with anyone on social media about it.

Then the next year I started starving myself and switched to a sort of forced, caricatured femininity, like I was playing out a misogynistic autist's resentful, bitter caricature of what it was to be a preteen girl. I can tell that since puberty I had a subconscious desire to be "like a man" rather than "like a woman" in the way I think and socialize, but I never thought of it in those terms. These desires usually coexisted with a desire to present in a feminine, but desexualized way. I never had the thought that I'm not a female, I just hated it and then made peace fairly quickly. I am lucky I could.

By the time I was a teenager & trans stuff started to enter public discourse it was like I forgot about all this. When my HS best friend came out as non-binary I was disappointed and resisted the name/pronoun change. When all the conversations about trans started happening, I never really made the connection to myself or thought of it as something I might pursue. When I started making all sorts of friends who were trans identified or later came out as trans, none of them really commented on my own status. I never got close to TiFs because, in the back of my mind, I knew I hated what they were doing and I hated the thought of having to pretend we were different "genders". I got on the best with autistic TiMs who were relatively self-assured and didn't impose horniness on me. When I was about 20 I experimented a bit with wearing thrifted men's clothes and I bought a cheap binder to see if it would look good, but never wore it again after the first try.

HardPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

You already meet this guy in person if I understand correctly so he knows what you looks like in real life.

Keep in mind that this is a person who likes you and wants to see more of you and if I were in his shoes I'd be wondering what the reluctance to facetime means in regards to your interest in him. I understand not wanting to see a reflection of yourself that you're unhappy with but sometimes we need to get out or our own head.

Try some DYI exposure therapy: Open up your camera app and just look at your own face every now and then, ignore whatever thoughts pop up about your attractiveness and just be rational about it in a "this is what I look like"-way. Don't let your ego get in the way, he clearly doesn't see any faults in your appearance so why should you?

>>103711
As a fellow ugly duckling, you just need to get used to the fact that his attraction to you is based on emotion, not appearance. Infatuation rewires the brain and suddenly you're able to overlook all the issues with the object of desire, and the same goes for familiarity. You've been friends for a while, so he's probably seen you at your most hideous, and he's used to it now. Slap a crush on top of that and it's like his perception of your flaws is diverted toward your more attractive assets, which are now enhanced in his mind.

>>103711
You can tell him about that, Nona, I'm sure he would understand and maybe would help you deal with that too. Telling people you love about stuff that is bothering you is important. But generally you probably need to try and practice self love in whatever way works for you, . I know it sounds cheesy but you deserve it

>>103602
Kek

>>103581
When you wrote "shit", did you mean literally or just "smells bad"?

>>103653
cope seethe dilate no lesbian wants you because you are male.

i hate being a lesbian so much. if i could just be straight or bi or whatever i would in heartbeat. i literally get asked out by guys probably like once a month yet finding a girl i am interested in who likes me back feels IMPOSSIBLE. it might just be the area im in but it feels like there are no gay girls at all where i live and dating apps are lierally just full of straight couples looking for a third. i don't see myself crawling out of this pit of lonliness for a long time, lesbianism feels hopeless

>>103692
See if he wants to hang out like rn maybe needs to talk to someone.

Don't go near him, he is mentally unstable and unpredictable. Tell him to get therapy and never talk to him again. You never know what a suicidal man with nothing to lose is capable of.

Being annoyed is a completely natural reaction. He wants free therapy from you and it's a humongous red flag. It is ABNORMAL for a person to reveal that they're suicidal to you if you haven't known and built up trust with them over several years.

You're not being selfish, leave the moid to himself he ain't going to be worth the emotional labor to be around and he's not your responsibility.

>>103692
You're not. His not your boyfriend/son/brother and even if he was it's not your responsibility (well, maybe if he was your son). People like that are huge manipulators, cut contact off with him unless you want to live very unpleasant moments like him threatening to kill himself every time you do something he doesn't approve of

I spent about a month thinking that I was hallucinating creepy bugs bc I saw a weird bug at night.

It turns out that the neighbors dog overturned a bucket of crickets, and they got into my apartment.

After getting my 3DS stolen by some ghetto thug from one of my classes in high school several years ago, I lost my whole digital ACNL copy with it. My village wasn't that good-looking, but that game was my happy place so I've never been able to live it down. I recently bought a Switch and a friend got me a e-shop gift card so I decided to use it to buy ACNH. The novelty of playing has worn off and it doesn't quite feel the same, but it's nice to have a comfy game where you can just do things like plant flowers, explore, and build things.

I'm starting a new crochet project and I feel very comfident about it! I can't wait to finish it and wear it all the time in winter

>>100484

omg whats ur friend code?? I play it too

I have been so extremely nostalgic for the past few days. It feels like I'm in middle school again. The weather is really hot and school has just begun again. I also started reading a webcomic that reminds of something my 12 yr old self would love. I love this feeling, its's been making my life feel so much brighter.

>How long have you been single?
My entire life. The concept of having a relationships feels so utterly alien to me at this point that I have trouble imagining myself in one.
>How do you feel about it?
Awful. I'm 24 and thinking about my future makes me have a panic attack. It recently hit me that it's not going to "just happen" as I always thought because I'm so introverted that there's no way for me to ever meet anyone.

>How long have you been single?
My whole life.
>How do you feel about?
At my age (early 30s) it feels as if being able to find the type of people who are into you and who you're also into is essentially a fundamental life skill that you ought to have developed by this point in your life. It's a bit like knowing how to tie your shoes or ride a bike. Being unable to do those things past a certain age is pathetic and makes you seem a bit slow. And then when I see people who are both mentally and physically unattractive but are in relationships it makes me lose respect for myself because it must mean those people are better "problem-solvers" than I am. Of course, if someone is unattractive but fairly smart/interesting/funny/etc then I don't think much of it but I'm talking about the people who truly have nothing going for them.

>>102495
Literally me

>>3963
What do you people think of the idea that you should be mentally healthy and capable of tolerating singleness before entering a relationship? Asking because I’d like to find someone to date but I feel like I need to fix my own shit first. On the other hand, maybe being less lonely would help me do that…..?

>>103701
I feel like that's just something people say because it's an easy way to dismiss lonely people's problems.

>>103658
is the abuse still happening? do you still live with him?
get out if youre not, urge your mom to do the same if shes still with him.
Otherwise nothing

>>103659
Yes we still live all together and my mom agrees that they should divorce

>>103658
Contact a structure that specializes in women's protection and/or a lawyer that is used to deal with these issues. They will both be able to advise you through the administrative processes (whether it be going to the police or just divorce proceedings) and guarantee your safety. Even if the abuse doesn't consist of illegal acts or you don't want to press charges, a lawyer is a huge help.

>>92439

>Are you a bitch (always venting), or a nice-lady (always avoiding anger)?

If I was in That's So Raven, let's just say the show would become too inappropriate for television. People would be getting run over with tractors every single episode. I'm pretty calm and collected on the outside but people actually annoy the ever living daylights out of me. The list of people I've wanted to gifrel goes on and on and on.

Sometimes I vent online, but usually I'm a nice-lady. I almost never yell or get angry at anyone so I have good relations with most people. When I do feel annoyed with someone usually I just ignore it and don't talk back. If it's something serious I don't act out in anger I just express dislike and avoid the person, like with shitty moids online or internet spaces. I try to surround myself only with chill people. I used to be violent as a kid though but I regret it and feel bad about it. I used to hit myself as a kid in fits but it was nothing serious, I think most kids have explosive anger at an early age but at varying degree. Now I just try to avoid anything that bothers me and only focus on myself and things I like. I find anger being exhausting, but I think I'm fortunate to not be angry often too as it means I'm not in a dangerous or awful situation that makes me feel the need to act out. At most being around my family can be like walking around landmines but they are good people for the most part besides being emotionally volatile sometimes so I'm not that bothered.

>>92439
Anger is retarded whether you're male or female. Letting your emotions get the better of you is weak behaviour. I used to get angry over every little thing. Angry or upset. I started making an effort to bring myself into consciousness - every time I got angry I tried to take a step back and imagine how funny I'd look if I was a little ant shaking my fist at an unmovable rock. That's anger to me. It's far better to understand why you're angry and then fix whatever needs to be fixed. The only emotions I have time for are grief and happiness.

I have never gotten so angry that I lost control or actually outwardly expressed it. I actually wish i were less passive with my intense emotions. Usually I just bottle it up and let it boil over. That or I don’t feel angry at all.

The last time ive been moved by anger, it was just the intersection of multiple events. Some moid was making stupid cringy jokes online. My mother was acting the cunt. A homeless guy wouldn’t fuck away from the car. And it was one of the hottest days of that summer. And I just felt like cauldron seconds from exploding. I just stood apart to cool off but just barely curbed my impulse to mouth off to the homeless fuck lurking around. It was honestly refreshing.

>>103570
on what planet is grief any more productive or useful than anger