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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/23/2020 - No new rules, only clarification added.


Anonymous 37487[Reply]

god i just hate kpop fans so much.

nothing wrong with the music itself, but just. the fans are so fucking toxic it makes me sick to my stomach.

unsure of how else to word this thought, but, why do these girls act like bts is the one and only kpop group?? everywhere i look its bts this and bts that. why is it. only. bts. im sure theres so many other groups that deserve much love and attention but feel immensely overshadowed by bts bts bts bts.

another thing is the fetishizations, sometimes its just so hurtful as an asian to see people like you get reacted to in that way. and im talking about the girls who cum panty over the way that kpop man smiled, or how their cheeks are shaped, the arc of their eyebrows or some other dumbshit reason. something just feels so wrong about bias culture and how deep it goes. koreans arent your sex doll. also parallel to how they want a korean bf because uguu my own kpop oppar. + those who wanna go to korea in the same way as weebs with japan.

dont even get me started w/ the fancam stuff

maybe im just being an old hag about this topic but holy shit
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37504

Because most of them are teenage girls, and this is how fandom culture works. It ain't deep.

Anonymous 37505

The most pathetic part is that it actually isn't just teenage girls. There are a lot of grown ass adult women who obsess over this shit.

Anonymous 37506

I said most, and again, that's how that's always worked. Think about pop punk/emo, Twilight, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Sherlock, One Direction, all that shit. It's the same types of demographics there.

Anonymous 37621

i date a lot of asian men because they're cute and i really, really hate facial hair. i get that "so, do you like k-pop" nervous question pretty frequently. i don't want to be associated with kpop fans, they're the new narutards. it's cringy and they need to shut the computer off and go outside. obsessive k-pop fans are ruining my dating life.
Yes. however, other than one singer i don't know what any of the bands i like look like, just to put that out there. music would be better without music videos.

Anonymous 37632

>I fetishize Asian men and now that it's popular to do so, Asian men are calling me out on my fetishization, so I hate kpoppies

Screen Shot 2020-0…

Anonymous 36959[Reply]

When I was a child I was molested on camera all the time now the videos are out there and It makes me sad to know people are jerking off to me getting hurt

is there any way to get those videos offline? also i don't want people to recognize me
8 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37011

actually any website hosting any pornography technically has to be able to prove via documents that all actors are over 18. It is on them to prove the actors are legal, it's not on you to prove they are not


Anonymous 37012

>I personally know women who have sent in scans of their IDs, proving they were underage in the videos, and nothing was done until they threatened legal action. Even with proof, these sites don't care
I'm sorry to hear that, and I don't doubt that at all. As you've said, both the material that porn companies produce and the companies' business practices are abhorrent.

I actually didn't know about that, thank you for pointing that out.

Anonymous 37013

no problem, it's actually a felony if they cannot get the records. Maintaining those records for those who produce porn is a huge deal, not sure how aggregate sites get away so often with not having it, technically it's the law though and if you could prove in any way that you were underage and contacted them asking them to remove cp and they did not you would have a massive slam dunk lawsuit on your hands in the USA

Anonymous 37533

no way to get anything off the dark web

Anonymous 37630

>Unfortunately there are legitimate cases (which I know are the ones you're referring to) where the material surfaced long before the person depicted found it, and any chance to collect evidence had passed

I wouldn't let this discourage you OP, I'll share my friends experience. When she was 8 she was flown back to Pakistan to marry her unsuccessfully because she managed to take scissors to her hair and rot her baby teeth out with sugar cane and make herself as unappealing as possible, but one of the things they do is have a doctor video record verification of their intact hymen that included her name.

15 years later she was contacted by someone who was trying to blackmail her with it and she simply forwarded it to the feds and opened a child porn/blackmail investigation that didn't seem to lead anywhere. 2 years later however she was contacted by the feds that they found the person and his legal counsel was going to make her testify in court. Tldr; my friend didn't give a fuck and testified anyways.

It didn't work out for the scumbag and he had a bunch of other illegal material and won't be leaving jail for the rest of his life.


Jealous Anonymous 37514[Reply]

I know feeling jealous is related to low self-esteem and insecurity. Even though I know my boyfriend loves me and I trust him, I feel very jealous about him and I think I will be replaced by another girl more beautiful and cool to me.

I do unnecessary fights and I realize that my boyfriend doesn't like this and feel he's getting tired of me.

Please, help me how to be more secure about myself and relationship, improve my self-esteem and to stop be exaggeratedly jealous.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37521

> I know feeling jealous is related to low self-esteem and insecurity. Even though I know my boyfriend loves me and I trust him, I feel very jealous about him and I think I will be replaced by another girl more beautiful and cool to me.

tell your partner what you said here. the point isn't for anyone to fix or change anything, but to understand each other better. it's ok to feel jealous, it's ok to feel insecure. what you want to do this express those feelings in a healthy way and not destructively with fights.

> I do unnecessary fights

are you aware of any thoughts, emotions, or stimuli that trigger this?

also i think this thread belongs in /feels/

Anonymous 37522

OP here.
I'm totally agree with you. I had already noticed my attitude and recently I'm trying to follow some philosophies and caring my mind to be more strong and able to deal with it.
I don't think he's gonna cheating me, I just think some day he's gonna break up with me because found a cooler girl. And yes, you are right, doesn't make senses getting so worried because there's nothing I can do, but it's so hard to think like that at the time of anger. I just wanna have more control and to be able to follow the things that I learned.

Anonymous 37523


He's already know about this, I explained several times to him and he calmed me down saying I have nothing to worry about, but I keep doing it and he's getting tired and now doesn't even confort me anymore, just ignores me and says that I'm very insecure (it's not a lie ;_;)

Anonymous 37524

I was once a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the doctor prescribed me some medicines (divalproate sodium and lithium)

I stopped taking the pills but I wanna do this again, need medication to control my mood and be stable. I miss myself when I was taking the pills.

Anonymous 37525

I went to a psychiatrist

Sorry about my english.


Anonymous 37588[Reply]

Is anyone else depressed as fuck about getting older? It gives me an existential crisis whenever I think about it.

Anonymous 37592


Anonymous 37593

if you're over 25, get into retinoids and exercise. crisis averted B)

Anonymous 37595

At 19 I thought that was when my "real life" would begin. I'm 26 now and I'm still waiting on it to begin. Not really depressed over getting older, more just the fact that it seems life will be more of the same monotony.

Anonymous Moderator 37596


Porn and Envy Anonymous 20008[Reply]

I was using my boyfriend's computer today and saw porn pop up from the search tab. I don't mind him looking at it but it makes me kinda sad that the girls he looks at look nothing like me at all. They're actually quite opposite of me. There's a bunch of results and I don't know if I shouldn't say anything or if i should tell him im uncomfortable.
171 posts and 16 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 36992

Do you like hentai?

Anonymous 36993

lmao they posted that over a year ago, good luck getting a reply

Anonymous 36997


I'm in a similar situation to >>34577
My bf is usually pretty open about the kind of porn hes into and I never really minded what he looked at. one day however he started opening up and admitted that he likes to self insert as the women in porn and fantasizes about giving blowjobs.
He then tried assuring to me that its not gay cause he's only into "feminine" men.
it's been a real turn off for me and I haven't been able to get turned on by him since.

Anonymous 37014

He's gay, don't kid yourself.

Anonymous 37015

Leave him now Anon, or he'll end up dumping you for another man and leave you heartbroken.


Revenge porn 36998[Reply]

Hi miners,

I'm part of a team that is currently developing a way of assisting victims of non-consensual pornography (like nude "leaks," revenge porn, camgirl/patreon content and such). Ideally we'd be working with victims to get the content taken down every time it's re-uploaded somewhere, mostly automatically and without the victim's involvement if she would prefer not to be exposed to it, and could also alleviate some of the burden by helping to press charges if the victim chooses to.
If you're a current or former sex worker whose content has been leaked, or if any of your private nude images/videos have been spread beyond the intended recipient, I'd like to talk to you. I'm happy to do it over voice chat so you can be assured that I'm a woman, but if it's easier for you to type it out, that's fine too. Of course I won't ask for any personal information or how to find your images. This is not an advertisement and you wouldn't be talking to me as a potential future customer, but as someone sharing her experience to allow us to consider every angle.

Email in email field. We can continue our conversation on any platform you prefer.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37040

>nobody knows about revenge porn laws

if you decide the images you took of yourself and sent over then internet are private it's ILLEGAL for anyone to look at them and can be a FELONY


Anonymous 37060

You can DMCA your own nudes? How does copyright cover your own nudes? Or do websites just capitulate that easily to DMCA requests.

In addition, does that mean that an underage minor can hold a copyright for child pornography?

Anonymous 37063

Lol why was my post removed, probably triggered a poor lonely mod

Anonymous 37064

>You can DMCA your own nudes? How does copyright cover your own nudes?
Whoever took the photo owns the copyright of the picture and therefore can send DMCAs.

>Or do websites just capitulate that easily to DMCA requests

Yes, websites usually do just delete the photo immediately though they might notify the post owner if they can. If you think this is unlikely to happen (or the person is too lazy or cheap to fight it out) then you can send a DMCA pretending you are the photo owner. This is not legal so pick the websites you do this for carefully.

>In addition, does that mean that an underage minor can hold a copyright for child pornography?

Yes and children in the US have been charged with sharing child porn for sending their nudes when underage.

Anonymous 37069

>Yes and children in the US have been charged with sharing child porn for sending their nudes when underage
Not directly related to the thread, but it's unfortunate that this is the case. There's a very big difference between minors sharing sexual images between each other (which is still quite risky and dangerous) and adults exploiting minors for sexual images. The legal consequences should differ out of an understanding of that.


Anonymous 37452[Reply]

Hi, anons. Should I invest the time to find and look through the bf's reddit? Or is that too invasive? I regularly stalk the post history of random users I find. If I ~just happened~ to find his name and look it up later, is that wrong of me? He clearly is one of those people that values muh privacy. It could potentially be triggering for my bpdfag ass, or it could soothe me (I tell myself that, but it is unlikely) to see them.
6 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37499

>I'd be surprised if it didn't have some sort of function to hide history from the public's eye
As far as I know it doesn't.
And anyways, even if it isn't a breach of privacy it's still rude to go snooping through someone's reddit history. It's like looking over their shoulder when they're typing an email. Sure they're not hiding it, but you're just looking because you wanna be nosy.

Anonymous 37508

pick up a hobby instead

Anonymous 37512

tell us how it goes if you decide to do it

Anonymous 37542

Will do. I have a chance to peek at it today or tomorrow. Crossing my fingers. All I need is that username.

Anonymous 37543

>All I need is the one thing required to do the task.


Anonymous 37475[Reply]

I can't stop feeling sorry for myself. I get overly emotional to the point where I feel like I can't control it and the only way I can make myself feel better is by having someone else comfort me. Every. Fucking. Time. I can't comfort myself through sadness and I'm sad a lot and it makes me seem so pathetic and it's making the people close to me resent me (or at least I think it is, or it probably will if I let it keep going). If someone isn't able to comfort me for whatever reason I panic because my close relationships are built upon the fact that I can rely on them for frequent comfort. How do I stop being like this?

Anonymous 37484

You should look into Stoicism and self reflection. Its incredibly important to monitor your feelings and deal with them accodingly, but its a skill to be trained like everything else. The more often you sit yourself down and think until you figure out what caused an emotional reaction, the easier it is to deal with impulsive emotional things.

I like to practice stoicism by sitting down and recording an audio diary every night where I list all the bad things that happened or made me feel upset or anxious, try and get to the root of why they upset me and evaluate how I reacted vs. how I wish I'd reacted, and then finish off by listing all the good things I accomplished and what I'm thankful for, even the little stuff like doing household chores.

I also like watching this guy Bill Crawford's videos on youtube. He's a well known motivational speaker n psycholigist and his videos go into CBT techniques and a lot of very useful and easily digestable stuff. I mostly like how has a very calming and re-assuring older father figure vibe that I find very nice when im having panic attacks.


Anonymous 37261[Reply]

Am overweight and don't have an ED but I can't stop thinking about either food or how fat I am and it's ruining my day every day lately. Bf is supportive and thinks I look hot but I'm ashamed that he has to date someone who looks like me and can't stop thinking about fucking food. Someone pls tell me how to stop thinking like a fatty and obsessing over food and eat like a normal person
2 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37332


what helped me lose weight was simply being aware of when i'm hungry and what i'm eating and why i want to eat. remind yourself that this is just temporary pleasure probably due to something else like stress youre experience in real life. set times for when you're going to eat and plan meals, i'm sure if you're determined enough to lose weight you will succeed. good luck op (:

Anonymous 37334

What the other replies said about intuitive eating and focusing in on other things is true. As someone who was overweight most of their teen years and lost about 55lbs I'll also say you should do this for yourself and for the right reasons!

You're probably an emotional eater, and a lot of people are (even people who aren't overweight.) You should motivate yourself based on things that are positive rather than out of shame. Think about how healthy you'll be, how easy it'll become to walk far or pick up heavy stuff, how much more comfortable you'll feel in certain clothes and so on. When you use things like your boyfriend or shame be your reasoning it will only lead to lapses in judgement and blaming yourself.


I bet you are beautiful, I truly believe that! Even though I don’t know you I can tell how concerned and sensitive you are towards the people around you and those are fantastic qualities. You are always looking for the smallest details. With this said, at this point it doesn’t matter how skinny, tall and or refreshing you are. You should be able to recognize your beauty since through your words I can sense it. If you really are insecure make sure to find another hobby or something that is intriguing for you. Either binge tv shows, I recommend anime, draw, read and etc. Find a way in which you can keep up with your health standards!

Anonymous 37474

what helped me personally

1. dont get mad at yourself for having a big appetite, its normal for a lot of people skinny or not
2. instead, try to change your eating habits in such a way that you get fuller faster and for longer periods of time (for example im never hungry in the morning so i only eat lunch and dinner and am fine with it)
3. cut out snacking, only eat full meals (instead of filling me up, small snacks make me hungrier for more food)
4. like some other anons have said go out and invest in your hobbies more. ask yourself if youre really hungry or just bored

Anonymous 37479

What works best for me is to just not have crappy food in the house. If there's ice cream in my freezer, I'll eat it. If it's not there, I'll eat fruit instead for something sweet. It's also worth it, for me, to spend an extra couple of dollars buying already prepped veggies because it makes it much easier for me to cook. If I can just throw a handful of veg in a pot and steam it or throw it in a pan and sauté it, that's basically not much more effort than making a frozen dinner or something.

Also, a lot of the time when I think I'm hungry, I'm just thirsty, so if I feel like I might be peckish, I drink a big glass of water and wait 30 minutes. If I'm still feeling hungry, I'll get a snack. If not, I already fixed the issue.


Guilt Anonymous 37355[Reply]

Ridden with guilt. I don’t understand. The fluttery emotions were there but we weren’t a thing tho he treated me like we were something. Even the people around me pointed that out, lasting only for months, on top. He had the characteristics of the textbook Narc so, I was always cautious around him. I told the people closest to me that something’s off about him but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, As the situationship progressed only one by one began to surface and I’ve left him for good. Now, about 6 months has passed by and the painful emotions are still there. I am still seeking validations for my actions.
At first, it was because I spoke to my friends about the way he was treating me, just to find answers whether I was really being treated wrong or not. His behaviour really took a whole toll on my self-esteem as a whole. I never saw myself crumbling that low, being afraid of everything. I had to find answers. He knew about it. He started screaming at me. Throwing accusations that I was just trying to ruin his name, that I have no need to act like a good person in front of him if this is my actual behaviour. That if I had any ounce of respect towards him, I wouldn’t be acting this way. How can I discuss about his behaviour with him if he never listened? Immense guilt passed over me.
Next, for standing up for the person he talked about. Constantly, demeaning everyone’s character, saying everyone except for him isn’t capable of doing anything right. At first, it was just the people close to me. Then, it went on to his friend. He was talking bad about her, her character as a whole and it irked me. Made me feel disgusted. I took the lightest word he said about her and told her about it as she’s completely clueless about this. It wasn’t anything huge to cause a fight but enough the warn her about what’s going on behind her back. I also asked her whether the hot and cold way he was treating me is normal of him, assuming the probability that he might just be acting this way towards me only because I might have done something wrong and be unware of it. Still, a huge fight spiralled between them when she confront him, asking him why he said what he said with my word being nothing but a trigger. Everything and perhaps, more of what he said to me, he said to her face. The whole history of what his friend did wrong and in the end, she decided that his words was too much and she left him. During the fight, she told him that the news broke from me and howPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37368


Another anon posted this in another thread.

Anonymous 37404


> It's gut wrenching and the 'what ifs' can potentially ruin your future relationships.

Yes. Spot on. Omg. You literally described what I feel. The ‘what ifs’. He wanted us to meet up to properly talk about everything yet, he was screaming on the phone and I thought it wouldn’t be wise to meet him at that moment as it was already late night also. And for some moments, I used to wonder, what if I met him that night? What if I didn’t talk to his friend?

> He would be so passive aggresive and throw shade at everyone including myself.

Also, he was passive aggressive too! I wasn’t comfortable with how fast everything was moving so I would bring a friend along (I informed him beforehand) and he would always find ways to degrade me and make me felt left out and blame it on me for asking her to come along. Me, him and that friend, we also had a group chat. Now, it’s just him and her. Too bad, that new friend of his is apart of my close group of friends. So my friendship with her is also ruined. She spurted some hurtful stuff, something along the lines to learn having less emotions and to move on, which was awfully toxic. She likes him, that’s clear. It’s just the people around me expect me to mend stuff with her, just because we were a part of the same circle and I find that invalidating. They want me to reach out first to her, the one who clearly invalidated my whole experience, when it’s clear what kind of person she is now. It made me feel like I was overreacting when I don’t think I did anything of such.

I guess, the only thing holding me back is the lack of acknowledgement from the people because he treated me so badly and I don’t get why people expect me to just shut it up and be okay with it.

He called me crazy and that I was just making everything up because of the guilt of talking to that close friend of his. It also didn’t help that I fought with my friend, just because of him.

Thank you for being so validating :(. I guess, till they’re served by life with those kind of people, they will never understand.

Anonymous 37418

He was furious because he was outed as what he really is. Everyone else panders to his bullshit and I'm sure even partake in the hypocrisy. I'm sure you feel sad and can't easily let go of what took place since you felt strongly about this person, but you aren't crazy. You're hurt.

Anonymous 37450


He kinda treats everyone ‘nicely’ as long as they serve him any kind of importance or at least follow his tune. Hell broke lose because I didn’t agree with how fast everything is and called him out too. Thank you so much for sharing your experience as well and helping me to see the situation for the way it is. I really appreciate it

Anonymous 37451


Ofcourse! Thank you for posting this thread. The feeling is mutual

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