/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>120337
I wouldn’t call it arbitrary, but yes. If you call people with low libidos asexual the term becomes meaningless.

Is there a way to become aroace? I hate that I still have attraction , still crush, have limerence, and just want it to stop

>>120356
Go back in time and have a neglectful childhood.

>>120236
The diagnosis demi- and fraysexual are sad to me. Both seem like they are born out of trauma from how society handles heteronormative love.
The latter is, as >>120251 pointed out, a justification for a trauma response. It's fine to be this way, all ways of living with and without love and sex are fine, but it's not an identity. It's a mode of dating. You are not discriminated against for hitting and quitting lol.
Demisexual, on the other hand, is a label I myself found interesting in my tumblr days. I honestly now suspect I'm just autistic, and/or that I (prefer to) develop sexual feelings after I have learned I can trust someone due to trauma. It's something I did get flack for from jocks at college or whatever, but for the most part, too, this is not a trait people get discriminated for.If anything, demisexuality is rewarded socially because you are not 'loose'.

>>120362
One thing I've always found frustrating about the term demisexual is that it by definition, by people who identify as demisexual, means someone who is only able to be attracted if they've developed a prior friendship… which is fine and all, I don't consider it a sexual orientation, but if you feel that describes how you feel love, good for you…

But the term demisexual is then pushed, by various sex-positive weirdos onto any woman who says she's not interested in FWB/ONS/hookup/casual dating/whatever… The reason I'm no into one night stands is not because I need to be friends first before I can be sexually attracted, its because I need to love someone and they need to love me back… But this weirdly specific term demisexual which focuses on platonic feelings is pushed onto people like me. And honestly, when some people get the "have you considered you might be demisexual" shtick, they buy in, and they remodel their identity and their internal conception about how they form love and fall in love around this weird, arbitrary term.

If "I need to be friends first" describes your falling-in-love style, whatever, but why is "have you considered your sexuality is I-need-to-be-friends-first" pushed onto every person who wants love and not fucking these days.

>>115812
Bet you have really cool hair nona

>>115552
Exact same. Gonna be 22 soon, still a virgin, never been approached, every guy I approached in school was repulsed by me. As awful as catcalling is and it shouldn't happen, I've never experienced it.

I am fat though, so maybe I'd be living on le tutorial mode if I lost weight. Can't do much for my ugliness.

Same with me. I'm 20, a virgin, and have only "e-dated" once. Never plan on doing that again.

I would say I'm relatively attractive, not absolutely beautiful or anything, but not ugly. Previous nonas have said that you might not stand out, but I do and still haven't been approached.

I have approached men, but come off as very autistic and I think it scares them away. I have had no success. I wouldn't consider myself a "femcel" but sometimes I really feel like one

>>115552
Men dont approach anymore, unless they are indians.

>>120341
This. Moids get socially destroyed or even locked up for approaching women who don't like it, so don't expect them to do this anymore

>>120203
Sounds like you have problems to work on before getting in any relationship, or you'll always be in for a bad time.

>>120190
>We were talking of getting married
>To a moid with zero impulse control
Have you considered the possibility he is a moron and so are you for even entertaining the thought of marrying this retard?

Dump his ass you silly bitch. Moids like him are a dime a dozen, you can do infinitely better.
this is literally your future if you stay with him
>>120115

a breakup would do you plenty of justice. he doesn't have the drive to do well for a future involving the both of you on his own volition. maybe a breakup would reform his aspirations but i wouldn't count on it. don't be his idiot for the rest of your life just because of "muh first love."

You seem to care about him a great deal. If you care about him so much, why don't you try handling him a little? Be a more and more direct if he doesn't get it. You have a cute relationship going on, but you need to take the reins with airhead moids like him.

hedonistic party culture is quite dull if you're not around people you like. more importantly, it could be quite dangerous if you're around people you don't trust. also, making a fool of yourself is a big part of being young haha. just don't end up on barstool sports or something…

Try looking up clubs near you and visiting. It helps if you already have artists you're interested in and go to their shows. You can go alone, just make sure you're well equipped. Have some pepper spray in the very least.
>>120266
OP stated she's not in it for the casual sex part which I hope she adheres to…
But being outside and clubbing doesn't need to equate to sexual promiscuity. Try to work on your reading comprehension desu!

>>120296
who said anything about dressing for men lol? moid accusations get thrown around a lot here but this time I genuinely think you are one

>>120249
Hi, try bringing a book, finding a dive bar, and just read in the back of it with a beer. That is step 1. Otherwise, if you want to jump into it, find an artist or event you like at a club and buy a ticket. TBH large clubs are not so fun by yourself, more fun when you have a drink and a cig outside with your friends.

19hz.info and Resident Advisor are good spots to find out where the events are.

>>120301
Oh that's a really interesting concept, never heard of dive bars. I like reading in cafés and I guess bars can't be that different.. Wouldn't it be odd to be there alone?

>>120276
That's a great idea! Show tickets are expensive but I guess it's worth it if the music and vibes are good. Thank you

>>120262
I've finished my degree and coming to students' parties would feel like being a creep.
And to the nonas that said the main part is having fun with your friends I guess you're right, but getting friends is really unbearably hard because I'm a very cold and inconsiderate person. I don't want to hurt anyone :(

If they acted like that then maybe you're better off not being around them.
You said yourself that looking back on it you don't have as much in common with them as you thought.
I'm sure you'll find new friends sooner or later, ones who treat you better.

>>118973
I think it's just commenting on being a hot guy, not claiming to be one. Are you upset about the poster or the message?

>>118975
who wouldnt be hurt over you lying about rape in this porn addict larp? dumb tranny. you have no conscience. just an identity to feed your subhuman lies in this gay reddit post

God I wish that was me

I have the same problem as u op, except the guy I'm obsessed w isn't even attractive. Idk why I'm so fixated on him. I guess it's cause it's super hard for me to be attracted to ppl (it happens like once every 3 years) so when I meet someone I think i have some kind of chemistry w it becomes an obsession. P sure I'm gonna die alone. I haven't seen my guy in 6mo but I still message him tho he barely replies.

>>118749
>I sent him a really long text explaining how physically attracted I was to him
Yeah huge mistake, dont do that

ew you're a grown adult get off your ass and clean after yourself

>>111854
Cleaning isn't really a 'chore'either unless you start forcing yourself into this elaborate list and schedule. Returning your house to coziness is calming and rewarding. It is like popping bubblewrap or using a zen sand rake.

>>110389
I think living like this my entire life because my parents don't care gave me a complex about feeling cramped and unable to just wander. When I go to normal people's houses, I get the urge to just walk around and stretch in their wide open clean rooms. I do clean up, but every time I do, the space gets full of junk again. And not trash, if it was all trash then it would be easy to get rid of. It's just… stuff. And it annoys me. My parents buy so much shit we never use. I cleared the kitchen counters, 3 bags of stuff, and they've been in my room for months. None of it has been touched or missed. It wasn't necessary. But we have it anyway. Too much to put in cupboards. And I don't want to throw it all away because it feels like a waste.

>>110690
i live in prague. please clean for me too (ㅠ﹏ㅠ)

My apartment is very small and the entryway and kitchen look like this. I hate it. I'm going to clean tonight.

Tipping

buying me flowers, asking about my day, buying me gifts, being respectful to his family, kind to people and animals, gives me footrubs, doesn't watch porn, not scared of bugs/lightning/clowns like a pussy, does his own chores, good hygiene, recognizes when societal trends have it backwards without hating on the sheep, not overly sexist, wants marriage/kids, active but does not lift weights at the gym, does not listen to rightwing grifters

killing themselves idk

>>120315
None, accept maybe leaving me the fuck alone, but that just means that harrassing some other nona instead.
Fuck off moid.
You can't sit with us

My current BF was always super helpful at work, especially when the actual guy who was supposed to assisting the team was fucking around on a different floor. What really sealed the deal for me when I saw him come in early and leave small gifts on everyones desk on christmas(we work in a 24/7 dispatch office) and didn't say a word when everyone came in.

>>120312
Getting used by a man who also doesn't care what you like and only pleases him doesn't sound so man-decentering

>>120313
Yeah, getting used by a man without any love, affection, cuddling or romance in "return" (I mean ideally the man should actively want to cuddle you and actively love you) is my personal hell.

I mean, anon is right, I am sexually repressed because I want love but I know objectively that very few men even pretend to love their lovers/gfs/'hookups', let alone actually love them. Then they call you clingy and act like you're a crazed maniac for having sex with the expectation they love you.

>>120312
Sex with men is inherently risky for women. Sleeping around will never be a healthy sex life, sorry. Loving relationships only.

>>120314
They will cuddle you. There's a lot of misinfo about what casual sex is like and I get it. In movies and TV there's a trope of the chauvanist man who pumps and dumps a different woman every night and then forgets about her forever more. I've never actually met one of those men.

I have 2 men right now who I intend to keep around for awhile. I see each one maybe twice a month cause my sex drive is low. The younger one buys me food so he's a free meal ticket. With the older guy we just get to fucking, cause he's busy or whatever. (He sometimes takes me shopping so who gives a fuck). Then, whoever it is, I go back to his place, fuck him, and we usually cuddle and goof of to my hearts content cause we both like that. We watch movies too usually. The sex is always good because I only date men who let me control the situation. The young guy even likes it when I tie him up and hit him lol.
This is the important part: after I go home, I DON'T NEED TO ENTERTAIN THEM ANYMORE. I can ghost them as long as I want. No babysitting men and their stupid fuckin problems.
I'm rambling about all this because I wish I knew it 2 years ago. You can get what you need sexually without having to kiss some moid's ass.

>>120321
At this point I'm nearly aromantic. A few low-committment moids tending to my needs is good. Never marrying, never getting a bf.

>>120324
Whatever rocks your boat, most casual stuff doesn't go like this and can end up in abuse.
I just find this very appalling and sad, would rather do nothing instead.