/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I'm tired of never being able to be upwardly mobile, and I absolutely hate having to rely on the kindness of strangers to get by. Is life always going just me sitting around, waiting for the circumstances I cannot change to get better on their own with the passing of time?

I always feel as though everyone hates me, or is just one step away from hating me. Like I’m always on egg shells, only awaiting the anticipated fall. I feel as though no community or group I join truly likes my presence. I can only feel as though they’re merely tolerating me. It takes such little things for me to realize I’m not actually wanted or liked. I dread the day my partner stops liking me, but I can only guess on a calendar when that will be. I feel so disgusting and hideous. I only wonder when they will feel that way towards me too. Why can’t I ever come to terms with liking myself? I have so much hatred towards me and I don’t know how to stop, really. Does it end?

>Start talking to a virgin from 4chan
>hes polish but relocated to England so he has like an English accent with a mix of polish
>travels all the way to America to see me for my birthday and brings me all these really nice gifts. Like a bottle of Dior perfume and all these books I wanted and jewelry.
>he even brought me flowers which no guy has ever really done.
>goes to restaurant and girl compliments his accent by saying it sounds cute
Literally going to pluck her eyeballs from her skull. Like I know he sounds and looks cute that’s why I took his virginity.

How did you meet the person you’re with?
And/Or
The last/best person you’ve been with?

We have been together for four years now. We are both from different regions of Germany and had a long-distance relationship going on, before our first meeting after 6 months of talking online. We have been living together for a year and half now. He is tall, ruggedly handsome, has striking blue eyes and very intelligent and can talk about any topic for hours. He has always been right-wing, while I was more apolitical left-leaning, but that has never been a problem. We both accept each other as we are and have interesting conversations about it. We have been talking about marriage for a week now and he basically said he doesn't accept the monopoly of the state on the definition of words, because they allowed same-sex marriage and made marriage a "femdom bondage contract". So he said he would only consider marrying me privately without getting officially married.

What do you think about this, nonas? I know there are many situations, where marriage gives you an advantage, not just in terms of taxes. Like being able to visit your partner in a hospital, being able to make decisions for them, if they are incapable, not being forced to answer any questions in front of a court incriminating your spouse, to name a few I can think of. What are some other arguments I could use to make marriage seem like a good idea?
And would you agree to this? I haven't made a decision yet. I never felt strongly about marriage, but during my time with him I warmed up to the idea.

For context: I haven’t spoken to my abusive ex in well over three years and I was only aware he was dating someone new about a year ago when I finally got around to blocking some of his side/spam accounts (had her name in his bio). I received a random Instagram message the other day from someone I didn’t recognize and they very briefly asked me if I had ever dated ex. Her reasoning for contacting me was trying to figure out why me and ex had broken up in the first place because he had never told her (no surprise there) and I assume she wanted to see if there was some pattern of behavior. The whole situation however has just left me feeling so fucking angry. I finally had put most of it behind me, but finally realizing that this awful man had done the same exact thing to another innocent woman, an even younger woman than myself to boot, has made me so irrationally upset. I guess I was hoping the pain I had gone through was a selfish one and that he would treat the people he dated in the future better, but of course not he’s just actual scum. Like myself this poor girl had wasted years and thousands of dollars on him and had nothing to show for it, but emotional scars and insecurities moving forward. I just don’t understand how the worst men get to continually treat women like this and get no punishment for it.

be me
>neet for almost 2 years.
>socially anxious. lost most of her friends because was scared to talk to them and worsen relationships over time.
>constant fuck up.
>chubby, stress eating.
>lazy and procrastinating.
>super possessive of people.
>was mega insecure as a teen so did questionable stuff online as 15-16yo, still blaming herself for it.

be him
>super fit, attractive, hot, takes good care of himself, good sense of fashion.
>3.9 GPA.
>showers me in unexpected gifts.
>literal millionaire. makes shit ton of money, hardworking. literally so attractive when working jfc.
>made sure I can move in with him.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I used to get perfect grades without too much effort in high school, then near the end this got messed up for various reasons. Still managed to get into college but things still bad. Took some years out and now doing some distance courses and getting perfect grades again.

Meanwhile, I've been struggling to get a job for a long time and have been applying literally everywhere. I live in the big city now thanks to my bf. I know a few other people from high school and college are also here because they have good careers.

How do I cope if I'm stuck working in McDonald's and someone I know comes in? Either they are going to think "Haha I knew she was dumb, no wonder she ended up here" or "What a pity. All those good grades got you here?". It feels self absorbed to care about these things but I can't seem to shake the thought. I'm not going to turn down a job but I feel like I will be paranoid and feel deeply shameful if someone I know comes in.

It's not that I look down on people in these jobs (I actually have a lot of respect for them as I know they aren't easy) but I have a lot of mental baggage. A lot of my self worth comes from being smart as it's the only thing I'm good at. I got bullied in high school and it involved rumors being spread about me. I don't want people gossiping about me again, even if I'm not in contact with them. I'm not on social media so I can't post things that add context.

I'm over thinking things and shouldn't care but I suppose it feels like I will have worked hard to turn things around (getting good grades, having a job, getting to the big city) but the person that used to know me will take one look and think I'm a dumb loser and I'll feel like I'm at rock bottom again.

My mom is probably mentally not particulary healthy and idk what to do now.
Of course I love her as her child, which makes the situation even worse. She is a bit obsessed with me (only child). She behaves completely different towards me than to others and she pays me a lot of money for my studies, or rather living with my bf and paying rent and food.
I don't really know how to even describe the problem I would like to talk about.
She and my dad have always argued a lot since I remember, but never divorced. They are completely different types of personalities. Recetly they don't argue that much, but she is practically terrorizing anybody who doesn't want to do what she wants. She is a manager and experiences a lot of stress at her work. She cope by sport and tourism, but it is getting out of hand. She walks or runs many km everyday. She needs to go for tourism and sights every weekend for both days. She doesn't really have any good friends (and doesn't talk with her family) to go with and since I don't live there all the time, she makes my dad to go with her. He isn't interested in it, but she yells at him until he yields to go.

She have this crazy mood swings when she yell and somebody and in 10 minutes brings them presents. She also often change plans (like 5 times and often in very short term) and changes her opinions from extreme to extreme. She never makes concessions, for example they wanted to see me for my bday. Me and my dad wanted to go to a pub for beer, but she doesn't like pubs (it was a nice and design pub), so she was very unpleasant and trying to cause argue with him. She also never listens to anybody telling her what to do and doing only what she thinks fit.

For example they agreed to go away for few days and I should have come to be at their house. The day before the departure, she reportedly started screaming at dad, refusing to go. She never said why and she told is was because something I strongly doubt. She was in such a rage, my dad left the house driving just far away because she was saying him to get out.
I knew this before I called her and asked where dad is - she told me she doesn't know, probably arranging something. She was clearly nervouse but didn't want to tell me what happened.

I suspect her to have a kind of personality disorder. But I don't know what to do, because this situation is unsustainable but I am afraid of telling her something. She is incredibly mean to my father, bPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Lately, I’ve been complimented by girls on my looks everyday this past week in addition to 1 guy. Them telling me that I look “pretty”. I am unsure about being conventionally attractive.

I have a wobbly head and oil-prone acne on my face. Basically, I am actually pretty unattractive. I would rate myself a 4, a 5 at best. I think I have a nice body but my face ruins my looks. I am not photogenic at all and I absolutely hate taking pictures because I end up looking really bad in them. I don’t mind compliments on more objective things like clothes and hair but being complimented on my looks feels deceptive.

If I am so pretty, why is it mostly girls saying this? Is it out of pity? Do they see an ugly girl trying to look more attractive and think to compliment her to make her day, something akin to a pig wearing makeup? I know girls often lie to each other to make ourselves feel better. It’s like patronizing the autistic kid.

I’m used to being called ugly and I’ve been bullied for it. And this wasn’t years ago, this was like a year ago. I highly doubt I’ve become extremely attractive in a matter of a year so what’s going on?

I had one experience of a girl saying, “She’s so pretty. See, I told you! I saw her the other day.” Not here to “brag”. I feel like a freakshow.