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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 01/18/2019


Anonymous 27643[Reply]

Are your dating preferences influenced by your first love? Do you find yourself attracted to people who have the same features/personality/looks as the first person you fell in love with?

Anonymous 27646

Now that you mention it, it's true.
He never liked me and looks different now, but I'm attracted to traits he had then.
I thought I had it figured out but looks like my taste is multi-layered.

Anonymous 27676

Not at all. I never got the "first love" thing.


Anonymous 27568[Reply]

i dont know if anyone can relate to this, but i feel like i could probably get a bf if i tried enough but i wouldnt be able to feel much romantic attraction towards the other person, i feel like i dont feel as much romantic attraction as most people do
6 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 27648

I've never had a bf
But I've given blow jobs and eaten ass quite a lot before kek

Anonymous 27650

anon thats degen eating boy but sounds kind of hot tho

Anonymous 27655

To me both sounds hot, especially blowjobs also I would like to try pegging at least once, I feel bad about my degeneration

Anonymous 27660

ok fair enough, but it still has a majority of femcels on it like most anonymous 2chan/4chan-esque imageboards (i think theres a word for it but i forgot)) especially on /feels/ its definitely not snapchat

Anonymous 27675

make me you stupid bitch

original (2).gif

Anonymous 26307[Reply]

how do you deal with being super embarassed? i wish i culd just disapear from this place for some moments, i hate this feeling
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 26372

Also they are propably way too busy with their own life and forgot about it an hour later.
Just think about how other people around you did embarassing things. Do you think "Haha, what a stupid idiot!" or do you think "Hm, whatever."? Normal people don't really care about those things.

Anonymous 26766

I used to get easily embarrassed and what helped me was each time I felt it happening to tell myself 'these people probably haven't even noticed I'm uncomfortable/embarrassed' (I've had moments where I've felt I was beetroot red and flustered and then mentioned it to someone after and they've been like 'I didn't even notice'.) also take a few deep mindful breaths and visualise a cold place, affirming to yourself 'I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm okay' over as many times in your head as you need to. I know it's hard anon, best of luck

Anonymous 26767

yeah sometimes acknowledging something is embarrassing can help you make you feel more at ease with it, you're owning it and not letting it beat you down so much

Anonymous 27002

is this supposed to bother us? pretty tame pic, first day on an imageboard kid?

Anonymous 27603

what helped me the most was, after the situation was over, reflect on just how unimportant it is in the grand scheme of things and that everyone has their embarrassing moments and either hasn't even noticed your awkwardness or just doesn't even mind.

and after having done that for a few weeks, my potential to be embarrassed had gone down considerably. after that I just kept going.


Anonymous 25857[Reply]

Tw: rape
I need help. I have been raped 4 times in the past 5 years by 4 different guys, and after the most recent one I am afraid that it will happen again.

The first 3 happened in rapid succession and it totally ruined my life for a year. I went through a shit ton of therapy and I am emotionally and mentally fine now, but a week ago it happened again. I had thought “oh I was naive and had low self consciousness, but now i’m more independent and confident so it won’t happen again” but clearly that isn’t the case.

I’ve never spoken about it publicly IRL and don’t plan to.

I need real advice. There are a lot of shitty people and clearly I am not doing enough to defend myself. I need to learn some concrete things that I can do to stop this from happening or some self defense suggestions.
I can give more specifics about the situations if it would help. I don’t mind talking about it at all now thankfully.
44 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 27203

it's so scary reading this. i love my boyfriend so much, but at times he has been pushy sexually. i don't think he means to do it and when i point it out he feels really bad and tries to be as respectful as possible. but the fact you could be in a loving, trusting long-term relationship then just start being raped by them, fuck. I'm so scared of men

Anonymous 27205

Please dump your BF

Anonymous 27416

Strange how your story affirms that broken people invite other broken people into their lives. Its like you are running in circles, repeating the same theme over and over again.

Anonymous 27424

the worst part about these threads is reading how peoples families defended the rapist/paedophile. If someone in my family was outed as a paedophile they would be tortured and killed. Im sorry to all the anons who are forced to see their abusers at family gatherings and pretend everything is okay. Im sorry your parents are scum for allowing it

Anonymous 27602

I imagine that, additionally to fewer women having that desire, it also is plainly more difficult for women to act on those desires. apart from women having a harder time overpowering men, you also have to get them erect if you want to "properly rape" them. though, pegging and and other "not-the-man-penetrating" offences should most definitely be treated as rape, they require at least some preparation, and rape is most often committed in affect.

and honestly, I'd say that way more men would react consentingly to advances, resulting in situations that, for women, would result in non-consensual sex, while it results in consensual, or at least an not as non-consensual, sex for men.

tenor (1).gif

how to move on from sexual abuse Anonymous 27349[Reply]

I've been searching google for women who feel similarly to me on this, but I've found nothing (if anything, Google spits out the opposite of what I'm trying to search for). I feel like if a guy were to lead or act dominant in any way during sex, it'd cause me to freak out and shut down. I can see myself acquiescing and then shutting down emotionally afterward, but that's it. I was sexually abused as a child for years and then got out of an abusive relationship (sexually abusive) that lasted around 3-4 years. I feel like sex reminds me I'm female and that triggers this self-loathing within myself that I don't usually feel on the regular because I have internalized misogyny from growing up in a very pro-masculine family. Though I've tried to work through it, it still crops up when I fantasize about sex. I feel like sex will inherently demean me in part because I'm a woman so I'm always going to be submissive during sex, even if I were trying to lead.

I recently got into a relationship with a person who knows about my past. He's told me he doesn't want to pressure me at all and that he is comfortable letting me decide, that he wants to be part of helping me get healthy in this way. Although I am grateful, I feel disgusting at the thought of us actually having sex because I feel like even if I initiate, because he is male, he is going to start becoming dominant which repulses me, even though I don't think being dominant in of itself is a negative.

I used to try to initiate sex in my other relationships, but I'd usually get turned down. Sex only would normally occur if the guy decided it would happen. I hate myself because I have a high libido, and it seems all my partners have either had low libidos in comparison, or they purposely withheld sex from me. At the same time, though I personally just see sex as a biological drive, I hate actually having it because the guy would always make it this sappy ordeal at the end, and I'd always feel like I was in the end just caring about how the guy felt. I feel like if my current SO were to know how sex is with me, they'd find me disgusting.

Have any of you anons who've had rocky sexual pasts been able to recover? How did you do it? Any help is appreciated.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 27429

honny ..sweaty :)

Anonymous 27555

I've been in therapy before and my therapist was way more concerned with my eating disorder than my sexual issues, despite the fact I brought them up.

I'm too scared to suggest things because usually, that gets ignored, or I get characterized by the other person as cold and unloving afterwards because of what I like. The best sexual experiences for me have been full darkness, me on top, the guy not touching me and not speaking. If the guy touches or speaks to me, that frightens me because I feel like they're either going to physically harm me or say something sick i.e. pedophilia/incest/bestiality/etc. roleplay because that's why my ex would do. I just don't want to be harmed, or make it a thing about "us", I just want to cum but I feel like it threatens guys that I prefer the idea of using each other's bodies to cum rather than have some sexual, "intimate" experience.

I feel like at the end of the day, they're always only allowing me that because they could easily overpower me. I feel so fucked because I'm not sure I can ever trust a man to fuck me again. I hate to think how that'll impact my current relationship.

Anonymous 27556

First of all, you're not alone. I'm so sorry about your experiences, and I wish I could be there to give you a hug. It isn't easy, but as someone else who's been there, I've found that the right person can be genuinely understanding if you give them a chance.

If you'd like my advice, I would suggest bringing this up with your boyfriend in the same way you've brought it up with us. From what you've written, he seems patient and understanding, and being able to be intimate in a way that you're comfortable with (lights off, no touching, etc.), with someone you trust even a little bit, could help a lot with slowly working your way back up to wherever it is you'd like to be in the future. In my case at least, the scariest part was being honest with my partner about what I needed, because I saw myself as broken and damaged and I was afraid he would leave if he saw that side of me. Except he was already on the fence about us because I wasn't intimate at all and he thought it was because I wasn't attracted to him. In the end, communicating further with him saved our relationship, because I had no idea he felt that way, and he had no idea why I felt the way I felt, even though I'd told him about my history and thought he'd just make the connection on his own.

>I feel so fucked because I'm not sure I can ever trust a man to fuck me again. I hate to think how that'll impact my current relationship.

This is why I'd stress communication. I know you've already told him about your past, but guys can be dumb and don't always put two and two together unless you're really up front about it. He might understand that you need time and some space because of your history of abuse, but it's very important that he's aware of your feelings on this particular issue concerning trust and how it affects your intimacy (if he isn't already). In my experience, men have this damaging tendency to wrap up so much of their self worth in sex, so that if their partner stops wanting it, they feel rejected as a person. I don't know why they do this, but it's just what I've seen. So if you're seeming detached during the act and you're worried about it affecting your relationship in a negative way, letting him know that you enjoyed it and your "coldness" had nothing to do with him would go a long way. If you feel like you can trust him, tell him yourPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 27557

>of several years
I meant to type "several years ago." Sorry, I am a little sleepy. Best of luck regardless, really. I hope you can keep us updated on your progress.

Anonymous 27599


Hi anon, I wanted to thank you for your response. It gives me hope, and I will update this thread as things progress, though I don't know how long that will take lol. But thank you for taking the time to respond, I am glad to see others getting through it and I appreciate the warmth.


Happy Feels/Vent Anonymous 345[Reply]

Share the good things that have happened to you recently!

I randomly got a call for a job that I didn't apply for, but the job offer is my passion (cake decorating)! I went to the interview yesterday, and was hired immediately. The chef is a cool druggy gamer guy as are the other dudes in the kitchen, so now I'm gonna make a bunch of awesome cool nerdy friends! He really liked the cake I brought him and the work I did. The pay is more than I was expecting.
The only thing that makes me nervous is that he also wants me to work the line, which I've never done, but the place is classy so we're putting out beautiful food that I'm really proud of and even messing with molecular gastronomy, which I've wanted to get into for a very long time! I'm so excited to do my best.
379 posts and 85 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 26873

I’m so sorry that happened anon. You aren’t disgusting or damaged in anyway, you are incredibly strong.

Anonymous 26874

it's okay. im just glad someone i care about doesn't think this. it has happened when i was between 8 and 10 so it's pretty much the past now.

Anonymous 27482

I finally passed my drivers test after consistently learning how to drive for a month everday during my summer break with my step dad, I'm 19 rn and my goal was to pass before I'm 20. Now I just need to either inherent my moms old car or find an inexpensive used one and learn about insurance and all that, prolly will take some more time till I can stop using the shitty bus system in my region but I'm happy with this first step.

Anonymous 27539


Anonymous 27544

Congrats anon, I'm 21 and I still didn't even start getting a drivers license because of money and other issues ;_;
But public transport is great here and I wouldn't be able to afford a car anyway so I feel like I'm not missing out


Boyfriend's Voice Anonymous 17579[Reply]

My boyfriend normally has a clear, tenor voice, but when he's talking to strange girls his voice drops like an octave and turns to a deep baritone. I think this deep voice is incredibly sexy, but it kind of bothers me that he never uses it when he's talking to me, except when he just woke up. I talked to him about it and he says he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Should I be worried?

Pic unrelated.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 24104

Happened to a friend's bf, we joked about it until he got mad.
Boys have a "gf voice" and they can't help it. Probably to seem less threatening or something, it's instinctive.

Anonymous 24113

Guys talk differently with people they find attractive. Not really something to worry about on its own since it's not really voluntary.

Anonymous 24147

>Anything over a couple of months with no engagement proposal is bad news.
lol wtf?

Have you ever been in a relationship before? Or even talked to a guy?

Anonymous 24166

You have a phone voice, right? You also have a "talking to a man (who isn't family/in-group)" voice. It's a social thing.

Anonymous 24169

Have you ever been in love before? Have you ever talked to someone that you loved?


Anonymous 25712[Reply]

I have to live with mother in law for a while. I hate her so damn much. To the point of throwing up from anger. Never live with in-laws. Trust me.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 25747

how the hell did you survive a whole year damn, go you, big respect

well pretty much she's using the silent treatment and trying to get a reaction out of me such as making me jealous or trying to get me annoyed. and no he doesn't know
he doesn't know everything but we have agreed that we want to move out as soon as we have more money (._.) so like I'mma guess within half a year IF things go smooth with finance

Anonymous 25773

How does this happen? Hating in laws. I've never had them, but I like my boyfriend's parents just fine. I often hear a mother in law is always hated though. Why?

Anonymous 25774

>I often hear a mother in law is always hated though. Why?

It's a misogynistic meme. Of course shitty men hate mothers of their wives that can see through their shit and won't let them mistreat their daughters.
Obviously I am not talking about cases where mother in law is a monster from hell, just about the cultural norm in general.

Anonymous 26358

Honestly I was pretty bad too, towards the end we were civil but would have arguments now and then. We moved out but she still calls and tries to get us to come back to do things around the house for her.

Definitely talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling. He may be struggling too, or able to help you in some way. Just having an outlet will probably help a lot.

Anonymous 27369

So the movies are true?


Anonymous 27431[Reply]

For a long time I thought once I met someone all of my problems with self-love and self-image would go away. Then I had a brief relationship a while ago and quickly realized that my fear of abandonment, paranoia, jealousy, insecurity, etc. only got worse during this time.

Did this happen to anyone else here?

Anonymous 27434


YES anon. Even though I love experiencing romantic feelings and I love many aspects of relationships, my mental health has always seemed to take a nosedive when I enter a relationship. Especially at the beginning, I develop an intense fear that they’ll leave me and I become unhealthily sensitive to any sort of criticism (or perceived criticism) they give me. I really invest myself and become obsessed. In my last relationship which lasted 2 years, the intense anxiety died down as the relationship progressed, however. But at the beginning I’d constantly need reassurance that he wasn’t going to leave me and I now see this pattern being repeated in a new relationship of mine…

Screenshot (8).png

Does anybody else hate their nationality? Anonymous 26777[Reply]

I've always despised it, I hate everything about it: food, language (everybody hates it), customs, the people and even the traditional clothes (look way too slutty).
But the thing I hate them most is the way we look.

Yesterday I came across this by accident and frankly, it hurts me a lot. This is really how the vast majority of german men think.
People unironically use "you are so german!" as an insult when fighting. They are obsessed with foreign women, I can guarantee you, if you were to come here as a foreigner, they'd flock to you like there's no tomorrow. They're very vocal about prefering them too ("women from X are so much better").
And it seems as if nearly everybody shares that opinion - meanwhile the men are seen as very attractive by foreigners: tall, strong jaw line, etc. As an example, everybody was gushing about our soccer team - which of course only adds to their big ego.

The sad thing is, I completely fit the characteristics this guy described: I'm too tall, have a big nose, I'm shy, so I don't dress up, nor can I dance and I'm a very serious, no-fun person. Can't say anything about my dating life, because I never had a bf to begin with.
I actually do find some of the girls around me pretty, but if even they're considered ugly by international standards, then just how low am I?

I'm grateful for living in a safe 1st world country, but other than that, there's nothing nice about it. I'm so jealous of other people's cultures and appearances.
Is there a way to look more exotic, interesting, better?

Here's the link (no idea who asked that, but all replies are negative): https://www.quora.com/Why-are-so-many-German-girls-so-pretty
68 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 27409

Have sex incels

Anonymous 27410

very German post

Anonymous 27417

Betting my ass they bitch and moan about how they're having trouble finding "pure" women to marry after being degenerates for most of their lives.

Anonymous 27419

I don´t like venezuela, never have, my entire family is foreign to this country but i was born here and always struggled coming to terms with that. Would have much rather to be born and grow up in my family´s country.

Anonymous 27425

Oh god, someone else from Venezuela. I'm in the same situation, although not all my family is foreign, my father's family is and many have left. But I'm still here, and every day that passes, I hate this country more and more.

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