[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
Name
Email
Email will be public
Subject
Message

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Image
Direct Link
Options NSFW image
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
| Catalog

Janitor applications are open


Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

pFBbnXS.jpg

high body count rant Anonymous 78832[Reply]

My boyfriend of one year is really nice, i love him a lot and he loves me back. I really really like his personality but the thing i despise the most about him is his body count, i know it's unreasonable and mental to be upset about it but i feel like he's kind of choosing me out of no other choices.
it's not an astronomical number (5) but by how he told me his first time was i just felt disappointment and kind of disgusted.
I am an open person but i have the mentality of saving myself for the one i feel the most connected to so having a partner with that number feels wrong…

doesn't help that sometimes he says something that really icks me, the last time i saw him we where cuddling and talking about sex, and he said "yeah i miss it (fucking), can't wait to do it with you" at the time i brushed it off but now i keep thinking about it and i was thinking about talking with him about this thing he said…i might be exaggerating but i'm literally loosing sleep on this…
101 posts and 15 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79834

>>79829
You can't actually be this retarded.

Anonymous 79850

>>79834
I see a struck a weak spot, kek.

In any case, those anons seemed to simply leaning into the idea that forcing people to devalue sex, intimacy, etc., to comply to others' desires is, uh. Not good. And you coming in to frame them as literally just waiting until marriage, despite marriage not really being mentioned, is in line with what a lot of people trying to pressure others into putting out do; subtly tear down other people's boundaries based upon a hyperbolic strawman or deflections. Chances are, some of the women that'd comply to such a thing literally aren't waiting till marriage but don't want to feel obligated to put out on, idk…the third date. Or don't want to be subject to a guy that treats her body like a gas station drive-through–which was the primary topic.

So…don't be surprised if the word "fuckboy" is pinned to your argument style.

Anonymous 79851

>>79850
And let me add: after a while, most posts stopped being about "virgin", yet it being brought up again, like marriage, is more of a sign of this fuckboy-logic where the issue is one thing but it's bastardized into being some puritanical anality about someone requiring a literal virgin and marriage.

Anonymous 79935

>>79850
>>79851
They stopped being about that since now I'm talking to a different person. You may be reasonable, but they aren't.

Anonymous 79946

>>79935
You are the only unreasonable person. Pay attention, read.



22D37D71-D945-4FF7…

Pornsickness Anonymous 71164[Reply]

I became addicted to extreme pornography when I was a preteen. I was also heavily involved in porn-centric communities online up until last year. It fucked up my brain. I have explicit sexual thoughts running in my brain, against my will, all the time. I’m a virgin at 30 because exposure to hardcore porn made me terrified of sex. I can also only get off to rape fantasies. I avoid porn nowadays and I also tried therapy, but it hasn’t really helped.
Anyone in the same situation? How do you even deal with this?
28 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79105

>>73280
it sounds like you respond to that stuff because those things are simple concepts you can think of and immediately have something sexual in your mind, while sex without “kinks” isn’t as verbalizable and it can be more slippery for your brain to grasp and construct a scenario with. I’m a little like that too except I don’t feel bad about it (most of the time anyway).

Anonymous 79125

>>79103
Are you trying to quit?

Anonymous 79941

hi, i quit for a while and now im trying again even though the consequences arent as bad as before because i dossociate a lot more. now i want to quit not because of the consequences but out of principle, self esteem

Anonymous 79942

when i want to quit i try reducing the frequency first. i dont change the kind tbh, its all about frequency for me. then i start replacing it. instead of watching porn i watch something else if the urge comes out of boredom, bc it usually happens late during night. if its during the day any hobby does the job, or take a shower and/or go out. if its because im horny which doesnt happen too often, i use my brain. i dont believe masturbation is really bad, especially for women, so i mostly hate porn but i dont feel too bad about masturbating.
i also talk to myself, dont go too far as in guilt tripping you but understand that what you're watching is wrong and bad for you. porn is the bad tho, not you. only trap is thinking you're the bad in there because it will make you feel even shittier, which can actually worsen everything by making you feel like its usuless to try stopping anyway because you'll be a bad person anyway. thats the guilt you should avoid.

Anonymous 79943

but also understand you're responsible for your actions, because this implies you have control, which means you can stop bad habits. its not a curse.



1622102113703.gif

Anonymous 76487[Reply]

How do I know if a man sees me as an object?

Seperatists dni.
24 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79764

>>79748
Obviously only you can make these judgements but the way you describe things it sounds like you're inventing reasons to decide he's bad.
Like, you suddenly change your behaviour and he shows concern for you but after a while becomes suspicious that you're hiding something (which you really are) and that's somehow a sign he's manipulating you? I don't see what he's supposed to do. Should he have just not said anything and ignored your obvious change in behaviour and deception? The problem with looking for manipulative assholes is that by there very nature manipulators will feign kindness so you can interpret any act of kindness as manipulation, but it never really goes beyond the adult version of "'I'm not crazy' is exactly what a crazy person would say."
Decide based off his general behavior if you trust him or not and if you don't trust him, then leave. But scrutinizing every act of genuine concern in case it's secretly manipulation is just going to sour otherwise viable relationships.

Anonymous 79768

>>79750
If you're not critically thinking about the relationships you engage in because you're too deep in denial to even realize he doesn't give 2 shits about you, you're the one who is going to bear the brunt of it. We're not depressed about our relationship prospects. We're just not living in some dumb fantasy world like you. And she's right, take this bullshit to reddit.

Anonymous 79769

>>79768
my original post is disputing that "if a man exists, therefor he sees you as a sex object"
which got bitten back against
showing that she can't do as you've said, think critically

Anonymous 79782

>>79748
>he refused to drop the subject and ranted about how it's important to talk things out if the other person did something wrong.
Well, you are withholding your feelings from him and he senses this. You are worried he sees you only as an object, but you don't trust him enough to talk about it directly. So that's the issue.
He might be trying to manipulate you, who knows, but notice that his fear isn't actually misplaced. Because you don't trust him.

Anonymous 79930

>>76487
He was born with a penis.



1525975769032.png

how to consume less Anonymous 79631[Reply]

I'm not poor so I'm not in need or in urgency
but these few months i found myself spending more money without really knowing why. more than 1000 euros per month
i wouldnt care as much if it werent for my family, they wont know unless I tell them but I feel like im betraying them by spending so much because i know they wouldnt be happy about it

im not good at keeping tracks, so trying to write down everything i buy probably wouldnt work. what can i try to stop myself from spending like im suckerberg (but hotter) ?

im thinking about trying to sell stuff instead for a beginning, that would make me money and keep me busy from spending ig. i have a lot of stuff i want to get rid of
15 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79815

Capture d’écran 20…

also this post from the lolcow consumerism thread is great

Anonymous 79818

>>79815
Instead of checking depop for sales, you can use gem.app (website) and ebay rss feeds with blogtrottr to get emails when your item is listed on any of these types of sites. You can set price limits in advance so you don't see items that are too expensive.

I recommend regularly reviewing your list of notifications though so you don't get surprised by a notification for something you don't actually need anymore when you are in a low resistance mood and buy it only to make yourself feel better.

Anonymous 79819

>>79631
Put everything on ebay starting at 0.99 or ~10 for things with some value. Use the phone app as faster to list. Don't bother with too many specifics, just title and lots of photos of it spread on the floor is fine.

Accept that you're going to lose money either way. Either from selling for less that you paid or from it sitting in your house and not getting any money in return but lots of stress. As soon as the items as gone, you will soon forget about them anyway.

Start watching minimalist youtubers. I find ecofriend. lia and
Jessicastarsinspace (wardrobe videos) to be very inspiring. They have about ~10 clothing items each but they love them all so much and get lots of wear from them. You can apply this to other items too.

You don't have to stop buying completely, but instead operate a "one in, one out" (or more) rule so you don't get bored.

Anonymous 79855

I made a game up today where I pick two similar items and "battle" them to decide which one I keep, e.g. try on 2 black tops and compare the pros and cons of each and get rid of the worse one. It doesn't feel like I am losing anything because why would I want to keep an inferior item when I have a better version of it.

Anonymous 79920

Oh tysm, this will help me a lot

The losing money part from selling for less was actually making me struggle a lot. But I have to accept it

I also started paying more in cash and it helps already. Especially when i go drinking with friends

I already went through my clothes. Now I need to sell



1582611927038.png

Traumatic Experiences Anonymous 34206[Reply]

What was the most traumatic experience of your childhood (before 20)? I'd say mine was losing my house and a lot of my belongings in a fire.
107 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79352

my father was pretty neglectful, so the internet mostly raised me
my mother was pretty much out of the picture after 2 years old, i visited her occasionally and it was meh.
my father's girlfriend who I lived with was an un-diagnosed narcissist, but bipolar disorder was used as an excuse for everything

i can think of a lot of situations that were repetitively shitty among these three that formed me into what i am today, but i have no extreme event that speaks above all others.

i will probably try and kill a lot of people from my past if im ever unfortunate enough to meet them again and they rub me the wrong way though

Anonymous 79449

1655157251097.jpg

I've got a few that I'll rattle off
>got called "the ugliest girl in after school activity I was in"
>caught my crush kissing another girl
>got bullied mercilessly in front of a different crush on a daily basis, he never spoke up or cared
>in middle school some boys snuck up behind me at lunch and tried to shove chicken nuggets in my mouth
>got called fat ugly and unlovable on a daily basis for a year. Teachers never really gave a fuck and retaliation of any kind was actively punished
>girls would steal my shit from my locked in gym class
>"nice guy" creep moid wore me down until I agreed to date him in highschool, was a complete deviant and we broke up because he allegedly molested his sister. I hate him so much it's unreal.
>every year middle/high school did the thing around valentines day where you can anonymously send a rose to someone else. I was so hopeful every year but it never happened to me. This is one of the dumber things on the list but people are always surprised when they hear it.
And that's just school.
I had a shitty step-dad and two punk step brothers who would push me around for a while. My mom also thought it was a brilliant idea to raise me in the fucking woods with next to nobody so I was unsocialized and "that weird kid".

Anonymous 79458

When I was 5 I was molested by my two cousins in like this old shed. Then that same summer I went to go jump up and down on my grandpa to wake him up in the morning (he was my best friend) turns out he was dead. Then at 8 those same cousins came to stay with us and after about 4 months of them getting drunk and flashing me and grabbing me and other stuff like that. I told my mom what happened and she believed me but said I needed to learn how to forgive. That was the year I first tried to kill myself.

Anonymous 79788

don’t know if this belongs here but it was quite traumatic to me lol. It’s not about my trauma directly but when i was going through a traumatic period in my life as a teen (psychosis suddenly hit at 16, i was vulnerable so i started to get beaten in the home, lost a few family members etc) i had this friend who treated me like a personal lolcow. She would listen to me talk about these issues, try to convince me that my parents are good people and that i’m just imagining it even though i showed up with noticeable bruises that she could see and comment on from time to time. I was treated like i was crazy and once i saw my name in her phone called “pennywise” and i laughed it off because i didn’t wanna seem crazy. After my mental health cleared for a bit i gained the courage to ghost the cunt, and she still stalks and mimics my online movement to this day a couple of years later. I deleted all of my accounts but there’s still some important accounts she follows i won’t delete like spotify and she still checks it and acts accordingly.

Anonymous 79844

uh either my dad threatening to beat me up so bad i end up in hospital and chasing me (he did actually beat me later on but the threatening was more terrifying i think) or my mom getting drunk, telling me how much she hated me before passing out on the floor



75F2C19B-928F-4944…

Anonymous 78342[Reply]

>finally fall in love with a guy
>he’s gay
why? why are all the good ones fags?
11 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79540

>>79539
forreal, i always see people defending gay men even when they use women as beards without their knowledge. worst part is seeing the poor cheated on woman always get torn apart if she speaks up for "outing him". well if he didn't wanna be outed maybe he shouldn't have wasted a woman's time, played with her emotions nor cheated on her with men thus exposing her to potentially incurable/deadly stds. men really think we're unfeeling objects whether they wanna stick their dicks in us or not

Anonymous 79666

Truly the thread we all needed but didn't deserve, there's no way this fitted the vent thread

Anonymous 79671

If you like gays so much why not get with a lesbian?

Anonymous 79673

>>79671
this is probably a troll but god i wish i could

Anonymous 79839

>>78491
>What about imaging his penis in another woman's butthole?

>>78389

yeah, unfortunately a lot of straight men are like this now.



cd03ccb0df05a8c2c2…

is it my fault? Anonymous 79656[Reply]

I have extreme social anxiety and can't talk to people at all. I've met this guy in my job, he seemed interested in me, we texted each other a lot and he talked with me all the time, even tho I just listened to him. I felt very comfortable with him and we shared a lot of the same interests, and he seemed to not be bothered by the fact that I can't talk, it was the first time I felt like I was not alone. It was all good until he started to act more intimate, and confessed he liked me for a very long time. I kinda knew that from the beginning and I quite liked him too, so we started dating. We could only communicate by text so I think it was a bit awkward for him, but he was all cheesy and wholesome to me so I thought it was ok. He even said he liked the fact that I was "shy". After a few weeks in, he started getting distant and ignoring me (he once mentioned that his ex started talking to him, that's probably one of the reasons I think) I asked him and he said that he's been feeling bad lately and that he doesnt know if he likes me as much as before, so it would be best if we distance ourselves. I'm feeling awful right now, I feel like I'm not able to show him how I feel or make him feel loved because of my social anxiety, and now he'll go away. Is it all my fault? I still love him deeply and don't know what to do. I'm scared of feeling all alone again. I told him I understand him and that I'll always be there for him if he ever changes his mind, but honestly I want to kill myself right now. He used to say I was all he ever wanted and that I made him feel good, this is all so sudden that it's making me panic. It hurts so much.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79717

>>79695
I did ask him to be honest in case the problem was that I could not talk much, he said no and that he was just not sure. Now I'm very confused on why he pulled away from me.

And yeah I will try to work on it, it's been ruining my life for way too long

Anonymous 79718

>>79707
Yes talking irl is very hard for me, but I can do it once I'm comfortable enough with the person, so it's just a matter of time.

Anonymous 79719

>>79656
i will agree with the other nona on the fact he might have used you.
it's not your fault, and your shyness isn't a problem for most men at all. in fact, as he said, he liked it. however, you might want to work on that to improve the quality of your life nonetheless. not to mention that scrotes that express a strong preference for shyness are not always, but often, manipolative, controlling and insecure losers.
you can and will do better op. ditch him in the likely case he comes crawling back and dont show yourself to be someone he can take and treat however he wants like you did here
>told him I understand him and that I'll always be there for him if he ever changes his mind
thats a huge ego boost for the scrote, an incentive to treat you even worse, and an attitude that acts as an invitation to make disrespectful moids get close to you in the future as well.
best of luck nona, you got this.

Anonymous 79721

>>79656
the mistake you made here was starting a long-distance relationship. those rarely ever work-out, mostly because you just can't get as personal over the internet as you can irl. my suggestion would be to end-it, because even if he does come-back to you, it's still not going to work properly. hopefully you can keep him as a friend, but even if you're cut-off completely from one another, it would be better than trying to make it work as it is.

Anonymous 79838

>>79721

NTA but i have the opposite experience. i'm more personal with people online than people in real life.



Screenshot_2022-06…

Anonymous 79129[Reply]

https://nypost.com/2022/03/07/virginia-couple-married-for-30-years-claim-theyve-never-argued/

I remember me and my bf saw this a few months ago and joked it would be like us and we'd never argue.
Now we argue practically every day because I cause fights for no reason every single day.
Idk what's wrong with me, I don't wanna be like this but I get so mad for reasons that don't make sense I can't help myself anymore. I really really hate that I grew up in the house that I did because I'm pretty sure I adopted all these behaviors from my parents who hate eachother's guts but "stay together for the kids" and grew up watching nasty and violent fights.
Its sad because for our whole relationship and those before him I was worried I'd turn into one of them and I genuinly didn't think I could live with myself if I ever heard my husband say the things he said to my mom to me, or if I said the things my mom said to my dad.
Now I'm literally seeing it happen and I wanna kill myself.
How do you unlearn this toxic crap?

>inb4 "its healthy to argue"

Yeah I know this is supposedly true, and I know arguments are unavoidable for 99.99999 percent of couples, its still not nice to have pointless and toxic arguments everyday
>inb4 "leave him"
No, I want to fix myself. If everyone dumped their partner every time they had a rough patch literally no one to be together. I'm not gonna listen to anyone who says this because more often than not its just paranoid and seething misandrists, so fuck off.
11 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79532

>now we argue practically every day because I cause fights for no reason every single day.
okay so stop lol

Anonymous 79551

>>79129
>Idk what's wrong with me, I don't wanna be like this but I get so mad for reasons that don't make sense I can't help myself anymore
i acted like this with my ex. i realized it was because i didn't respect him anymore, was falling out of love and didn't find him sexually attractive either. is it possible you aren't attracted to your bf or don't really love him as much as you used to? im dating a different guy now, i have a lot of respect for him and am extremely attracted to him, and we never fight or argue whatsoever because i want to be on best behavior around him. if you find yourself nagging or picking fights with a guy you should ask yourself honestly if you really love him or feel attracted to him anymore.

Anonymous 79565

my parents never argue either, its weird, i have never heard them fight each other. guess it happens

Anonymous 79783

Are you showing love appreciation and effort outside of these arguments? As for me when I find myself getting resentful over the little things and provoking arguments, it is because I have bigger unaddressed grievances that need to be discussed. Could that be the case with you? Are you unhappy with something in your relationship?

You have to actively practice breaking those habits in the moment when you are fighting by choosing different, more peaceful tactics than the ones that are your innate or immediate response. You aren't really going to be able to just suddenly choose to stop starting fights. It is incredibly difficult to do this as you must force yourself in very emotionally volatile moments to do the opposite of what your passions are telling you to do. But this will build better communication habits to not only fix this issue but overall improve your relationship. Always apologize and ask forgiveness when you mess up. Have you told him about your parents and that you find yourself repeating their words, but that you don't really mean them in your heart?

Anonymous 79797

Has OP even responded since making this thread? At best I think >>79180 might be OP, but this reads like a troll post since she's not actually talking to anyone.



phone hand it over…

phone verification Anonymous 79805[Reply]

goddamn. i hate how many apps these days lock you out of your account or prevent you from even signing up without a phone number.

it wouldn't be so bad if they weren't also knowledgeable about VoIP phone numbers and free online phone numbers and block those as well.

Anonymous 79806

>>79805

and google voice is useless for this.

Anonymous 79807

its awful!!! i left my phone in an uber a while back and got locked out of virtually everything on my work computer (because that sob refuses to remember and constantly kicks you out)

phone verification is the worst fucking thing about the internet in the 2010s/20s



A9D720A1-20B7-4687…

Anonymous 71333[Reply]

This past year almost every guy I went out with was younger than me. Most of them just thought I was lying about my age and I was younger or the same age as them. Honestly it was probably the best year of dating I’ve had. None of them wanted to be called daddy or wanted to control me. They all were still dominate over me because I’m smol, but I didn’t feel degraded. It still feels weird though. Do any of the older women feel bad when you date someone younger?
19 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 79760

1645934747711.jpg

>>79756
>no argument other than dude strawman lmao

Anonymous 79763

>>79676
>collectively shames them and judges them the way it does to a woman the moment she physically develops.
I imagine that's because female behavior is shaped more by shaming and other social tactics while moid behavior is generally effected by praise. Please be aware though, that means that if a man is acting like a gigantic fucking child, no one will chide him, but he will be invisible, meanwhile, if a moid is doing "well", they get heaped with praise for figuring out something. The reverse is true with women, where you are basically invisible if you are doing "everything right", but will be immediately punished if you do "anything wrong".

Anonymous 79765

>>79763
>I imagine that's because female behavior is shaped more by shaming and other social tactics while moid behavior is generally effected by praise.
I never thought of it exactly like this but it's so true and explains a lot about society.

Anonymous 79767

>>79765
It really does, I am reminded of saying that recently changed my view somewhat "Woman have a glass ceiling, men have no floor." While it's certainly true society treats men who are doing even marginally well exceptionally. A moid will be completely allowed to just fail himself into complete homelessness and no one will stop him. The moid isn't a victim, but he certainly isn't being helped out of his own stupidity either.

Anonymous 79781

>>79524
Did you have sex with all of them?



[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
| Catalog
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]