/feels/ - Advice & Venting

That sounds exhausting. Do your parents set up strict expectations upon you?

>>121279

yeah i know i just really did think i was safe when he was literally calling me his girlfriend i know I'm a fucking idiot i just was so scared that he'd reject me and I'd lose him as a friend and i just knew i was too ugly for him and i ended up being right anyway cause he left for a way prettier and younger girl

>>121269
sometimes you have to make the move yourself, people are just too shy to do it

>>121281
don't feel too bad. sounds like he wasn't worth it if he left you after all that

>>121271
> i literally gave him all the signs in the world
Such as? Moids can be awfully thick unless you're hyper explicit about what you want, what did you do exactly?

>>121271
He was banking on having you while also keeping it light enough to try his options. My condolences

>>122231
I want to help you but we need more info. What does your day look like? What are you eating? How are you sleeping? I find my life is very heavily dominated by the main tenants of sustenance:
1. Eating well. Fast food, sodas, sugar, lack of vegetables, etc. hits us harder than neurotypicals. We must feed ourselves with care. High protein breakfasts are a necessity if you want your meds to work.
2. Sleeping. You must get consistent sleep and sleep at the same time every day. Obviously you can have a few days off, but I find the further I stray from my schedule the harder it is to get back. You’re also going to need more sleep than a neurotypical. Your brain works harder to do what our society requires of us, so we need more sleep.
3. Outside structure. We need to leave the house every day (which can be so hard with executive dysfunction). We also need outside structure… If you expect yourself to manage your life, you’re setting yourself up for failure. My grandpa has ADHD. When he was six years old, his teacher told his mother, your son is going to need a really good secretary! He’s lucky he’s been able to own his own business and do just that. He pays her extra to manage his whole life. Be upfront with bosses/professors/friends that you appreciate being held accountable. You don’t have to (I would even advise against it) share that you have ADHD.
4. Just stuff like exercise and socializing go a long, long way. Daily routines you can rely on and go back to but that don’t trap you. Learn how you learn, learn what helps you. Try new things. I find when I get stuck places putting on a TV show or some music helps immensely. It gives me just enough dopamine to get unstuck or stop doomscrolling. Stuff like that.

Life with ADHD is so, so fucking hard. It’s just enough of a disability to ruin your life but not enough for other people to believe it’s actually a disability. But there IS hope, and being medicated is a huge start. Is there something specific you are trying to do? I have various strategies I’ve developed for various things. They’re not foolproof. My biggest piece of advice is sleep. Everything for me comes back to sleep.

>>122250
youre so right this is a solid four point list to get my life in order. Food may be the biggest obstacle for me ngl i am very nervous of cooking meat … i will learn asap (my girlfriend is currently trying to teach me how to cook well)

the things i am trying to do? mostly academic things. i'm an undergrad student, i dislike my course (was pushed into it by family) but i'm finishing my penultimate year now so i might as well get the damn degree ..

i struggle with getting the coursework done because i really don't enjoy it. this is the biggest stressor in my life right now, i just don't like the stuff, so it's hard to get myself to do these things. Alas.
and i will keep sleep in mind. I've always known i sleep a TON .. never knew it could be cause of the adhd !

>>122246
forgot to respond to this one in my recent reply..
Yes i am also diagnosed w/ ptsd, though i never gave a thought to its 'interactions' with my adhd. working on finding regular counselling!

I feel like I'm the guy from that Nolan movie who has to write literally every single thing down or else he's going to forget it after 15 minutes. Except, it's just a minute for me. I'd be thinking of something and I'd say to myself "I can remember this I don't need to write it down" and they often end up being famous last words - so for now, writing everything down seems to be helpful.

Also, I am starting to use a reward system to do things. If I don't like studying from something, I try to find something else that's more interesting. If I study for 4 hours, then I can eat a pack of chips. If I study for 8 hours, then I can watch a movie that has a runtime of 2 hours. I sometimes end up rewarding myself and then I go into debt.

ADHD brains can do something only if 1. you feel it's important to you in an emotional way, 2. it's something novel - but once you lose that sense of novelty you give up, 3. it's a challenge (like videogames) - but once you feel accomplished you just end up giving up, and 4. it comes with a deadline attached with huge consequences (getting screamed at, getting fired, etc.) - you have to mind trick yourself into making sure that everything that you do falls into these 4 points - eg. if there is no deadline make a deadline happen. I hate everything.

>>122231
Crush your meds and rail em'

>>124840
You have forced into hating your body, men don't look at their balls and go "I hate that they're just there to breed a baby" because no one has ever made them believe bringing children to the world is something their whole identity should be reduced to. There is nothing wrong with your body.

Maybe try spending your time alone like picrel and see if you like it nona.
No, you're not a tranny btw. There are many celebrities who have went under the knife to reduce their boobs.

>>123219
>fake it til you make it
>hey kids wanna hear some good advice? just be fake and nobody will be able to tell that you are fake!

what about those who can tell?

>just pretend they can't tell and become even more fake every time someone detects you being fake! just never admit how fake you are.

but doesn't everybody wish for people to be more honest? what about being authentic and unashamed?

>no just be fake instead and insist everything true and genuine is people being crazy.

>>123119
As ugly as you are, therew will be a guy who finds interest in you, social pressure makes ugly men look like social pariah's so, they're automatically feeling inferior to you. Also, no dude likes anorexic chicks (unless they fetishize it), so the only way you can fix it is to stop caring. There are also many humble dudes who just don't care, so approaching them may lead them to be willing to possibly spend their whole lives with you, think about it, if some dude has never experienced love in 20 or so years of his life and a woman changes it, would he not feel an obligation to possibly love that woman forever?
But sadly, girls are hardwired to avoid ugly, or even lonely men, despite all the opportunities out there, it's not your looks, it's your personality that limits it and you vent out here becuase your standsrds are too high.

>>123119
What exactly is wrong with you that makes you think you're ugly? You're probably somebody's type.

>>123119
It’s not possible to come to terms with being ugly, you’ll never be okay with the fact that people will always mistreat you for something that you have no control over. The only real advice I have seen regarding "accepting" ugliness is to ignore it as much as you can: fill the entire day with hobbies and treat romance as a fantasy, like unicorns and magic wands. You’ll never be happy this way, though.

You have to believe that it is possible for someone to be attracted to you. This is almost impossible to do without evidence, unfortunately. The only solution to genuine ugliness is plastic surgery.

Idk if this will help you but u will not be alone forever. Maybe you will just miss out on teenager/early adult romance but time goes on and people get less picky and superficial and value honest connection, chemistry and (material and emotional) availability over other stuff that is more significant for younger lovers.

Not everyone needs to get older to get to that "state of romance" so maybe u get lucky and found someone much earlier that u think. I promise you that you will meet someone eventually. In the meantime work in yourfelf but not only physicaly but emotionally, spiritually and profesionally so you are ready when it happens. Make friends so u know how to be socially adapted and know youself so u know what u want <3

>>118331
The 1st cut is the deepest, as is the 1st crush.

It scares me that you ever thought I liked you. & it scares me you might think I still do now. Yikes!

please stop pretending to be me on lol cow ???? like you’re clearly writing to yourself back and forth you scary freak. you’re cancelled and you’re staying that way you violent psycho.

Mr. Willoughby talks like you. My heart aches every time I read his lines

>>122826
"He's upset and it's my fault, because I wasn't supportive enough / didn't do what he wanted me to do / didn't anticipate his needs enough."

Those are all 100% lies I used to believe about my partner, too. It was the mindset that kept me chained in that miserable prison of a relationship.

The times that I viewed as "good" weren't really "good"– they were just breaks from terrible ones. I just set the bar so fucking low. Like viewing your captor as "kind and merciful", because they gave you a piece of stale bread.

Once you escape him, you won't have to walk on eggshells in order to manage his unreasonable emotions.
You won't have to sacrifice your well-being for the basic right to not live in fear.
You won't have to live in a fog of doubt, anxiety, and shame, just trying to hopefully obtain that "good day"— because it can all be shattered in an instant.
IT NOT YOUR FAULT.
Nor is it your responsibility to manage your captor.

You're so close.
You can do this.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>122876
Thank you, Nona This means the world to me. I was thinking maybe everything really was my fault (I'm stupid, I'm dirty, my Japanese sucks, I'm loud and rude) and then last night my husband got mad at me for the crime of relaxing at home. (I didn't put ny chopsticks down straight enough). Told me I should always be scared of him. What tge fuck.

OPhere. Last night I stayed at a manga cafe again. It was so relaxing.

When we go out together my husband doesn't bring a bag with him because keeping it clean is too much eork, so I carry his phone. I didn't realize I still had his phone in my bag until I was already at the manga cafe. This morning I stopped at home to pick up clothes and he was crying thinking that I had had another stroke and died. I felt bad so I went to the store and bought him some food and drinks but I just didn't want to engage with him any more so I left.

Irritated poster here, I can't believe this fucking thread is over 2 years old. I don't know which scenario would make the OP more mentally ill:

1.) All these posts are real
2.) All these posts are fake

Legitimately this thread is disgusting. It is more disgusting than the worst shit you see on the shadiest imageboards. Fake or real, it is here as a totem to human filth. Either a horrifying display of human weakness and vicarious sociopathy, or some deranged bottomed out NEET triggering the genuine sympathy of others by writing deranged fake garbage.

I just want this thread to end. I'm not a mod but I wish some cleansing angel would delete this shitty thread out of existence. It is legitimately like watching someone's ripped off face decaying at the side of the road, maggots festering, slowly degrading week by week. It's gratuitious and sick. Fuck this thread and fuck the OP, whoever it happens to be.

>>123148
>just didn't want to engage with him any more so I left.

If you leave him, you never had to worry about him anymore. Just sayin'.

Look: if you actually don't want to leave, then continue to stay and have your life be like this for the rest of your miserable, imprisoned existence.

But if you want things to change, you need to leave.

If you don't actually want to leave your horrible situation and just want to vent or write misery porn or whatever for all to see, then please let me know so that I can withdraw my emotional investment.

Me too, I hate men so much. Men are so obsessed with sex, I can't fucking stand it. I have had so many men have crushes on me due to my pikachu hoodie. I actually wear a black coat and a face guard when I am not with my most trusted friends.

>>121977
You women(men) are fucking retardard.
>t 4chan users, fucking kys

>>121977
Good morning welcome to 4b

Does anyone here have a few men in their life? I have a few and I'm okay with them, but when it comes to the rest of the men in the world, I oscillate between indifference and mortal hatred (the mortal hatred is usually directed at internet moids).

>>124812
My dad, my brother, my husband. A coworker I don't talk with outside of work. I don't really hate men, I'm just not really interested in them.

What happened in Cassius' life after you said that? Was he punished?

>>124817
The teachers definitely didn't believe me. Security came in to question him but he's still roaming free, I didn't press charges on him. His social life and reputation? Not sure. I remember messaging my high school's Instagram confession page, telling them a fabricated story about how he sexually assaulted me. The account posted the confession. An old friend of mine reposted it. My other friend who argued with Cassius in public, told more people. He even printed fucking posters about Cassius. Maybe it's all died down now, maybe.

>>124818
What you did was wrong, but in all likelihood, you're better off not dredging all that back up. I don't think it'd help him, unless he's still living around the same people in the same place and most of them believed it. Does he know it was you who said it?
If you can, maybe go to him in person, treat him with fairness/kindness and apologize. Explain what happened, why you drifted away and how it's plagued you for years. If you feel comfortable talking about your past, you could tell him why you didn't come out before. Again, this is all contingent on him and where he's at regarding the whole thing. It could cause more harm than good if he's fully moved on in life (and could be construed as dickish and self-absorbed if you randomly barged into his life over your own guilt), but if it still affects him and he's at all receptive to talking with you, it might be worth a shot. If people around him scorn him because of it, I'd say it's also worth clearing the air (maybe say it wasn't him that exploited you in that way, and leave it at that). If everyone forgot or thinks the whole thing was a dumb teenage tiff (which is pretty common IMO), don't bring it up, just leave it between you two.
Do note that if he suffers from any kind of BPD, is vindictive or is unhinged, he'll probably try to ruin your life if you go to him.

he probabyl deseved i tbh, he would do the same to u hif he had the chance

>>124821
I really appreciate your response.

So, yes he knows it was me. I've mentioned that he lives in Carson but that's all I know about where he resides. I could try logging into my old discord account and message him but I think he blocked me. I'll give it a shot though. Besides, I still have to eventually tell people in my life about my behavior.

And regarding unhingness, he is a little weird. He's kind of sensitive, and not in a good way. I could see him seeking revenge. Like I said, I still don't like him. The worse that can happen though is that he probably won't forgive me. Oh well. Thank you for your reply.

>>124774

That could be. But also it’s difficult not to play the comparison game from time to time.

It seems like everyone around me further ahead. Hell, my eighteen year old foreign coworker managed to move out on her own just a month ago. Meanwhile, I’m still being told I can’t use the laundry machine whenever I want and have to ask to leave the home if I want to go outside for whatever reason.

>>124801
>>124802
Sounds like you're imprisoned.

>>124775

I’ve quickly come to learn that. It seems painful to live anywhere BUT your parent’s home but it comes with an overdose of infantilization.

>>124783

Yes! I’m currently working on that. I know Bumble offers a roommate option so maybe that’s a good start.

>>124802
Do they ever prohibit you from leaving or they just ask to know where you're going?