/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>118136
>>118138
Oh nona I'm in the same baot as you. my insecurities and mental illness/anger issues always cause a fight between us and I go insane without his attention and talking to him

I regret ever expressing how it feels to him and get angry at him when he doesnt react the way i want, I apologize and beg him to come back only to sabotage the relationship again and again

>>118132
not sure where you're at with him now, but it seems like you put it pretty clearly here and in writing. you could just copy and paste some of this into a text or something.

I also experience extreme jealousy (abandonment wounds from upbringing and was betrayed by first love, not sure if I'll ever see men/relationships as fully trustworthy, but I'm trying to be open). look, whether it's what you've been through or stories you hear through others in person or online, it's easy to completely absorb the idea that men are lustful apes with no self control or that every girl is out to steal your man and that this is some big fucking to the death sex competition, but there is so much more out there. it's the dwelling and obsession that you're getting stuck on because for as miserable as it is, it feels good. in a miserable way. it makes you feel like you are protecting yourself. I know the feeling. find what specifically you feel is hurting you. go to the source. your fear uses his likeness as a skin to mask itself so you don't suspect who is really at fault. it does not make you crazy or evil or selfish. it is a preoccupation with your self and something important to you. the truth is you probably don't have the best self esteem, even if you have moments of confidence or rationality. learn to sit with discomfort. learn to sit and watch. when you feel the impulse to attack or point something out to him about another woman or whatever thing you feel about yourself, just go quiet. I swear by this. just swallow it and breathe. if he genuinely isn't doing or hasn't done things to break your trust, then sit with the idea that this is a projection of you effectively "cheating on yourself" with these other girls. whether hate stalking them, comparing yourself to them incessantly in your mind, imagining scenarios of him and them, etc., you are thinking WAY too much about these other girls. which is what you're afraid of him doing, right? imagine what life would feel like if you spent that energy imagining the sweet things he's done for you, said to you, that you've experienced together. imagine if you thought up date ideas or an activity or a gift idea. imagine if you imagined yourself achieving something special, working towards a goal, no matter how simple. it becomes a habit in the brain, but you're not stuck this way. you're scared and need to activate some kinPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>118132
I feel this all the time. Literally all of my teen years where I was in a relationship, halfway through I'd feel that my bf didn't want me anymore and would look for other girls to be interested in. I fear this will never go away and I don't fully understand it. I know there was an instance where my crush had told me he liked another girl while he was aware I liked him and that really hurt me. So much so that I think it forever ruined my confidence in the dating scene. It wasn't just that of course, but it was the first time I ever got close to a boy and it just shattered my trust in people. Plus, being lonely, sheltered, not having real friends, growing up in a hostile environment where your parents give a bad example of what marriage is supposed to look like, and only having the internet as my comfort, it just made my insecurities worse. I think arguing about it is ironically better than what I do, which is assume how the other person feels and just take it as fact. At the very least you're confronting them about it and expressing your jealousy. I wish I was better at communicating how I feel, but every time I try, it just seems like I can't get it out. I don't know how. I think how I feel is pathetic, but I don't have the faith in myself to improve. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. It's really annoying and I don't know what to do if I just constantly stop myself from ever being happy.

>>118138
1. Recognize that your intrusive thoughts are irrational and admit this to him.
2. When you get jealous say 'I got jealous again, I need affection', giving him a chance to show he likes you more than the girl who will not get a hug or whatever from him.
3.The hard part is believing what he says. Remember that he has a simple, pathetic boy brain. He is not capable of complex social thought. There's no hidden meaning in anything he says because he's too simple-minded to pull that off.

>>131578
Some guys are smarter than that and they lie.

why do you bite yourself?

I'm 20 and also used to self-harm, I can also get quite anxious. You should try some fidgetting toys or trying to release that anxious energy on something else. Exercise, art, writing, music. It will be hard at first and you'll have to force yourself to not self-harm. The more you practice eventually you'll condition your brain to express it in whatever other way you choose and it'll get easier.

I don't recommend talking about doctors on self-harm unless you're 100% sure you cannot control yourself. They could send you to a mental ward if they consider you a threat to yourself, and that place is more often than not a worse experience. Cheers nona, good luck

>>131490
probably the same reason parrots pluck their own feathers out when stressed out

self harm is tricky because its not like drugs where you can just separate yourself from it, esp if ur biting urself. other nona said this but you have to force yourself to stop. like when youre right about to do it you have to stop and hold yourself accountable. it will be hard but it will be worth it. start working out!!! helps a lot, basically self harm but then u r jacked too

>>131529
girl what is actually going on in your life. like hang on. people are being poisoned? let’s talk about it.

>>131534
I work in industry as a machinist and TIG welder. He has, to date, ordered the apprentice to machine raw lead (illegal as fuck), grind hardwood without PPE, and attempt welding on galvanized steel (creates poisonous gases). This man has laughed when I was walking around dazed nauseous with welder gal, poisoned by the gasses from lack of PPE. He thought it was funny. And he became upset with me when I refused to do a job where I had gotten arsenic poisoning twice before, and told him to do it himself.

But, apparently, I'm the problem.

I can't exactly quit either, very few other places would put up with my emotionally erratic ass.

Welp, I am kicked out of the DBT group. I was considered disruptive and "unhelpful for the other patients."

You should break up with him, what the fuck?

He's clearly a user, Nona. Pedos are just human predators who really suck at being human predators, so they go after the most vulnerable of all.

>>131527
>>131528
this for real isn’t my life and sorry for being misleading but the answer is so fucking obvious i’m just posting this and screenshotting responses to the person who needed to hear this. sorry for any unintentional emotional distress it is an actual real life thing that happened but it’s not my life.

>>131530
Post their replies

>>131530
Should've made that obvious???

>>131505
He said that it was hard for him to talk and he said he tried telling me but it just went from one ear to another and he didnt bother telling me because it would lead to an argument to will go no where. Im like how am i supposed to know if you didnt tell me. How would it go from one ear to another if you havent physically vocalized and communicate. He also said that he always felt alone when we were together meanwhile i put all of my attention to him.

was this your first bf?

>>131521
I had 2 "bfs" in high school but this was the first time i had something serious. Im 27 now

>>131512
everything you posted so far is just another iteration of "he is a useless, non-talkative piece of shit who blames you for his communication problems". Like he didnt even talk to you and then said he was sure you wouldnt have listened anyways or that you would have started a fight? He cant even take accountability for his inablitity to speak normally to you. Fuck this guy.

pathetic

>>131480
>>pink nipples
good taste.

>>131480
>Right leaning + not feminist
extremely cringe

>>131463
>bald
cringe

>21-25 or not stupid
>does not really identify with anything, cares about humanity as a whole (dutiful and self-sacrificing like a male feminist)
>can survive and make peace in any situation (such as being trapped in a basement)
>good fat storage, slightly fat because he takes care of his needs
>promiscuous and easily charms others to have homosexual relations (“my husband’s bf”)

Also to answer OP's questions even though she's not here anymore
My psychologist that was evaluating me and the psychiatrist who was managing me both told me CPTSD is more about therapy rather than anything else, medication alone can't help.

Psychiatrist suggested EMDR therapy, but it sounded so dubious the way she described it.
>It was pioneered by a woman who noticed moving her eyes around helped her cope with cancer
like, ok

>>131475
if you have limited mobility, you could try just some of the stretches. im sure there's a way. they have chair yoga for elderly people, so im sure someone could do some kind of yoga if they were fat.

>>131447
>>131482
also, i forgot to mention, somatic exercises have been helpful for me! i recommend sheBREATH on youtube. they are easy to do and help a lot.

>>131447
>>131483
Thanks for recommending trauma-informed yoga and exercises, will try it. On eating healthy regular meals and sipping water help me with the feeling of throat constriction and nausea around heightened anxiety and panic attacks, it's difficult to eat but reminds you you're still human

>>131447
great advice ty <3

>>131476
The scientific reason is when they met you dopamine flooded their brain every time they were with you so it was easy to do nice things and be romantic. after a while the novelty wears off and there is less dopamine so it's like watching a movie you have already seen 500 times and you just want to be done with it.

a mature man knows that doing genuinely nice things and serving they ones they love will bring them joy, even if it doesn't seem like it will.

also porn has rotted men's brains so good luck finding a good one.

>>131178
Back then i allowed my loneliness get to me and i started hanging out with people that i normally wouldn't. I became friends with people just because they liked me, not because i liked them, at the same time i was too afraid to make friends with people that i actually liked.

>>131187
i get that, i hope you are doing well <3

I also graduate a couple months ago and feel very lost, I didn't really have any friends left after high school and I don't know what I'm gonna do for work, my anxiety is eating me up and I can't even get out of bed until the afternoon most days. I'm tempted to kill myself but at the same time I know that wouldn't solved anything because eventually I'll be out of this bullshit and be looking back and be like "oh I can't believe I was so freaked out". I feel like I'm in some weird purgatory where I can't just calm down and relax but I also am trying not to let myself spiral out of control

>>131187
> I became friends with people just because they liked me
lol yeah this usually ends up poorly

>>131170
i wish i had stayed away from older men

They don’t like autistic girls because of their neurodivergence, but because they perceive them as naïve. They can’t maintain relationships with neurotypical women because they miss social expectations that have nothing to do with neurodivergence and everything to do with being poorly raised, emotionally immature, and unwilling to take responsibility for being a decent person. So they prey on you instead, hoping you’ll be gullible enough to take on all the domestic and emotional labor while they ignore you until they want sex. In their ideal setup, you stay occupied with your hobbies, ask for very little, and only exist when it’s convenient for them.

>>130870
Assuming the worst about people's intentions and reasons is why people become miserable like this. People generally want "autistic" people to date, simply because they want someone passionate with hobbies who aren't normies. That's it. Making up evil or insecure reasons for others actions just isolates you more.

>>131437
Without love, it cannot be seen…

But to be fair this is still a pretty retarded(superficial) reason to want someone autistic.

>>131439
Slightly autistic people are simply easier to love.
If they were the type of autistic that snapped at everyone because they were over stimulated it would be a different story.

>>131441
Liking someone for “not being a normie” and “having special interests” is not liking them for their autism. It may sound better than the previous example, however it’s still just as superficial - only the image of autism.

If you are autistic yourself, if you had a lot of close experience with autistic people (and so learning to accept them, as you would do with any other person) and just get along with them better, now this is the type of reason that has meaning. You may actually love the person themselves.

“Slightly autistic”. “Easier to love”. A childish idea.