/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>122655
First, we have to both be virgins. I don't care what modern times has to say, it's not true love unless it's with your first and only partner.
Second, we have to be comfortable talking to each other without having to put on a show, the same way I talk to my family.
Third, we have to both have some sort of life outside of the relationship, which, on the other hand, won't encroach upon it. The relationship has to be the most important thing in our lives, but not the only thing.

never been in love. maybe never will. its okay

>>122658
I love you, nona.

we both stim equally hehehe

>>116081
You have to be interested in things, even mundane things. Little things should be able to make you happy or sad or frustrated or whatever. Then, when you talk to people, you're actually able to talk about your life or what you did today.

>>116303
fuck I can't tell if another nona wrote this or I did wtf

depression

Just follow the next steps:

1. Consider yourself as a prohuman rights activist for the only reason of consumming audiovisual offal/shitty youtube video essays, wear yourself as an idiot or posting political shit through social media.

2. Consider yourself as an entirely entitled artist/perfomer for no reason when addressing someone.

3. Assay how to both perform and project a sexual heterodox personal image towards whoever you meet.

4. Post on social media every single social encounter you have, even if it might seems way utterly irrelevant for most of people.

5. You should slightly prompt yourself as adventuress, so just act like if wide world and it´s cultures were your personal touristic entertaiment, moreover do not forget to post everything you saw whereupon visiting it.

Now you know the game. You are ready to be as interesting as fuck.

I thought about this and have come to a conclusion

you're either too inhibited emotionally so you can't really be fun

or you're not really at a cognitive level (social skills, wit, life philosophy) where you can entertain people or where they can find your words meaningful

>>122806
sounds to me that "stopping being mentally ill" over it is just putting a fig leaf over the real problem. do you have low self esteem, nobody else other than her who can tend to your needs etc

>do to something that happened between us in the past, i have a really serious fear of her leaving me.
what is it?

>>122809
i mean, i would probably argue that i have low self esteem lol. but she makes me feel loved, which is why i love her so much. i have other friends that i like, but not in the same way i like her.

>what is it?
i’d rather not say, but she didn’t cheat on me or anything. it’s not really something i hold against her either.

>>122819
idk how to put it but I think this feeling signals a legitimate concern that she doesn't make you feel safe

doesn't mean she's a bad gf but maybe you don't feel you can rely on her to take your side
or not to violate her boundaries
just minute things that are important but you forget about eventually while your subconscious still buzzes about it

>>122202
Not op
i should have never left my bf in the first place, i did check out of the relationship for a long time and i self reflected on it and my reason why due to boredom and missing the spark feeling, i thought relationships were all about the firework and spark but i never met anyone like him anymore he was the only guy who told me that he chooses me everyday even when things get hard. This was a month ago and i told him to leave me alone out of my own anger during our last phonecall, recently he sent me a mail that mentioned that he can't live in area at all since every time he drives it reminds him of our memories so he literally enlisted himself in the navy. I just feel so bad, i made a mistake and i want him so bad but i just have a feeling that if i break the silence and reach out he may not want me anymore

>>122205
sorry for the yapfest
well, first, you'd need to ask yourself if your boredom is going to become a problem again. i don't know you or your bf or the relationship you've had together, so this is something you need to mainly figure out yourself. i cannot stress this enough, figure out your own shit before getting back or into a relationship.
second, it's obvious he still cares IN some way (whatever it may be) and probably still likes you, hell he's even enlisting in the fuckin navy because he's probably broken up over you. don't be afraid to break the silence, believe me haha. i've missed my chance when i could've opened up and talked to my boyfriend after our break up, and genuinely from the bottom of my heart i regret it deeply. i could've mended our relationship, got closure or even said a goodbye.

i can't promise you anything, but please talk to him before he leaves, genuinely. you may not get the outcome you want, but atleast you'll both have closure, and potentially in the future can rekindle that spark.
and, if it helps; open up to him about your feelings if you'd like, tell him what really happened and why you lashed out, just be honest, okay?

just gigglemaxx

>>122328
Would you like moids to do the same? To treat a relationship with you as bound for failure, having several escape plans and alternative options because this one is bound to fail and if it works out it just does? Sounds grim.

>>122783
Moids don't deserve shit

>>121902
trvthke

>>120009
male hands typed this

I've only ever once fallen in love, during my first year in college. I have never met anyone else I've wanted to date. And now it seems impossible, since now everyone my age isn't a virgin, so I'll never find true love.

>>122188
What should he have said - that he has plenty of other options? Would that make you feel better?

>>122786
why are you replying to a month old post?

>>122795

Gets pretty intoxicating tbh

>>122795
If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.

>>122739
yup

>>122738
Fuck you, you homophobic piece of shit.
You are the reason women will never be free.

>>122745
LOL nona is just unlucky and straight

>>122745
Rude >:(

>>122738
>>122745
>>122747
acechads just can't stop winning

>>122740
>Women have never thought of themselves as a collective
We naturally do that, it has nothing to do with social media - it's just a tool/vehicle which promotes what already exists. Collectivising and interacting with ingroup bias is a survival mechanism, and in today's age where women compete with men over the same resources, there's even more of a motivation for it to be expressed. But the result on men's part is to either compete back aggressively, which they can't do due to modern laws, or detach, dissociate, tap out, remain weak because their mothers raised them to be non threatening in any way.

>>122728
>The idea that the Patriarchy is organizing globally to keep women down is nuts
have you never seen men harping on women when they are trying to speak against abusive men. 90% of them unanimously start spouting the same shit like "le fake rape allegations" or whatnot.

what you're posting sounds like a schizo projecting their life experience onto everyone no offense lol

>>122728
nothing brings men together more than keeping women down honestly

>>122746
When I was in college all a Woman had to do was whisper and fratboys would get expelled without evidence.

>>122750
sure troon

>>121997
all the people that matter dont use cringe social media anyway

>If you dont get tiktok/twitter/facebook then how will you socialize with others huh silly?

Honestly, I think that these normie social medias make you a bit dumb and with a rather idiotic way of communicating, based on repetitive memes. Maybe the best way to learn how to socialize is to get a worthwhile job and communicate with people at a high level.

genuinely these "normie" social media are filled to the brim with some of the most schizopathic people possible

>>122716
Normalfags act you like have the plague when you tell them you don't have social media

Being a people-pleaser might feel like a defect or wrong behavior, but in a way it kind of is not for someone who's been through neglect or trauma. In fact, it's very logical.

Imagine having lacked care and love all your life. You will eventually try to seek it. So how do you do it? By trying to become caring and pleasing yourself because that's what you secretly want.

This is a vital quality for good relationships built on trust and love - and if this is something you desire and seek for, how can becoming such a person be possibly dumb?

Now on the other hand, there's an alternative explanation for such behavior. (and really common for women) It's having been beat down by authority figures so much your brain can't fathom behaving different - the conditioning overpowers you the moment you try to react to something. Once again, you're not stupid if this is what happened to you.

Your "caring too much" and "people-pleasing" is two things:
1) A need that desperately tries to get itself satisfied. Whether it is for love, trust or vulnerability.
2) Never having been taught how to perceive and act upon the world that isn't a survival mechanism.

For me personally, forgiving myself for point 2 helped me with point 1 cause I learned how to have a bit of empathy for myself. You need to take the emotional toll off of yourself and stop blaming - it only makes it harder to behave rationally.
What also helped was talking to other trauma survivors - these are the only people genuinely capable of empathizing with us. Honestly even the cptsd memes subreddit helped. Even finding someone who's just willing to listen helps. (the vent thread here was really cool for that last time I used it)
Finally, something that's more important for the "beat down by authority" types - it's finding an environment that encourages you to pick yourself first. Maybe it's the feminists or something else. My favorite is a Russian misandrist memes group and cptsd meme groups lol.

>>122584
OP here. Not sure if it’s the same IP, I’ve moved recently.

I get what you’re saying and I wish I could internalize it better. But truth is, I’m tired. I’m tired of being the one who gets the blame even when I haven’t done anything wrong. Someone treats me like shit and somehow I end up being the one who stays kind. Like I can’t help it.

I have this need, maybe obsession, with being liked by everyone. Like if even one person dislikes me, it feels like I’ve failed as a human being. I know it’s not healthy and I know it doesn’t make sense, but it’s hardwired into me somehow. Every part of me feels like I have to be soft, safe, easy to like, no matter the cost.

And it’s exhausting. I’m fed up with constantly trying to prove I’m good enough for people who wouldn’t care if I vanished tomorrow.

I also have this habit of oversharing. Trauma-dumping, talking about people behind their backs, just to feel understood or less alone. I know it makes me look bad. And maybe it is bad. But I never do it out of malice. It’s more like I’m always trying to let the pressure out before it breaks me.

Still, it makes people see me as two-faced. Fake. Someone to avoid. I guess I’ve made peace with being misunderstood, but it still hurts.

I don’t know how to stop caring about people who clearly don’t care about me. I don’t know how to stop giving parts of myself away to people who never asked for them in the first place.

I just want to be okay with being me, even if not everyone likes that version.

>>122695
Is there a cece version?

>>122686
OP, the root of the matter is your need for intimacy, and it's fine to have, it's just part of your personality - but there are less and more healthy ways of achieving it with others. The less healthy way is by giving others sympathy as a way of projecting what you need, you may validate them to the point of enabling and that may cause alienation. People need to hear the truth, but also know that you start off with a subjective truth, and that depending on the circumstance truths change - therefore the healthy way of connecting is by asking for feedback regarding everything - any judgments you have of how things work, who a person seems at first sight, what are a person's preferences, really- anything. This actually is a much more self-centered approach ultimately, because you're investing in your own ability to formulate accurate judgments over time. That is your road to power and connection.