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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

__nanashi_mumei_ou…

Anonymous 122655[Reply]

What is being in love- real love, not infatuated or forcing to try to find the good in a relationship, actually like for you?

Anonymous 122656

>>122655
First, we have to both be virgins. I don't care what modern times has to say, it's not true love unless it's with your first and only partner.
Second, we have to be comfortable talking to each other without having to put on a show, the same way I talk to my family.
Third, we have to both have some sort of life outside of the relationship, which, on the other hand, won't encroach upon it. The relationship has to be the most important thing in our lives, but not the only thing.

Anonymous 122658

congming33 1.jpg

never been in love. maybe never will. its okay

Anonymous 122678

>>122658
I love you, nona.

Anonymous 122850

we both stim equally hehehe



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What makes someone boring? Anonymous 116081[Reply]

I know that I am a boring person but I just don’t know how to be interesting. I have a decent amount of friends and can handle conversations and be a fun presence when I’m with a group of friends, but in a 1 on 1 conversation I’m just dull as dishwater. When I talk with people 1 on 1, I can barely maintain back and forth speaking and I can tell the other person is not at all interested in what I am saying.
I’m not expecting some silver bullet for my problem that will instantly make me interesting but just stuff like better habits? I don’t even really know. I just want to be more interesting, and really what I want is to be able to get close with my friends. Sure I’m a fun member of my friend groups but no one really knows me and I can feel really lonely because of that sometimes.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122804

>>116081
You have to be interested in things, even mundane things. Little things should be able to make you happy or sad or frustrated or whatever. Then, when you talk to people, you're actually able to talk about your life or what you did today.

Anonymous 122808

>>116303
fuck I can't tell if another nona wrote this or I did wtf

Anonymous 122821

depression

Anonymous 122832

Just follow the next steps:

1. Consider yourself as a prohuman rights activist for the only reason of consumming audiovisual offal/shitty youtube video essays, wear yourself as an idiot or posting political shit through social media.

2. Consider yourself as an entirely entitled artist/perfomer for no reason when addressing someone.

3. Assay how to both perform and project a sexual heterodox personal image towards whoever you meet.

4. Post on social media every single social encounter you have, even if it might seems way utterly irrelevant for most of people.

5. You should slightly prompt yourself as adventuress, so just act like if wide world and it´s cultures were your personal touristic entertaiment, moreover do not forget to post everything you saw whereupon visiting it.

Now you know the game. You are ready to be as interesting as fuck.

Anonymous 122836

I thought about this and have come to a conclusion

you're either too inhibited emotionally so you can't really be fun

or you're not really at a cognitive level (social skills, wit, life philosophy) where you can entertain people or where they can find your words meaningful



a8af6b32af974e17ae…

how to stop being mentally ill in my relationship? Anonymous 122806[Reply]

it's been some time since i've started officially dating a girl that i've been friends with for a while. we're pretty close, and i love her more than i can really put into words. but, i've been struggling with anxiety in our relationship. if she doesn't text me back within an hour, i start to get anxious and worry that she's mad at me. even if she has a totally reasonable excuse that she's told me beforehand, i still worry. do to something that happened between us in the past, i have a really serious fear of her leaving me.

how do i stop myself from getting anxious and worked up when she doesn't text me back? something i do now is deleting instagram, so i don't have to worry about getting a notification that she's texted me. it helps a bit, but i still can't help but worry.

Anonymous 122809

>>122806
sounds to me that "stopping being mentally ill" over it is just putting a fig leaf over the real problem. do you have low self esteem, nobody else other than her who can tend to your needs etc

>do to something that happened between us in the past, i have a really serious fear of her leaving me.

what is it?

Anonymous 122819

>>122809
i mean, i would probably argue that i have low self esteem lol. but she makes me feel loved, which is why i love her so much. i have other friends that i like, but not in the same way i like her.

>what is it?

i’d rather not say, but she didn’t cheat on me or anything. it’s not really something i hold against her either.

Anonymous 122822

>>122819
idk how to put it but I think this feeling signals a legitimate concern that she doesn't make you feel safe

doesn't mean she's a bad gf but maybe you don't feel you can rely on her to take your side
or not to violate her boundaries
just minute things that are important but you forget about eventually while your subconscious still buzzes about it



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Tempted to contact ex who harassed me Anonymous 122025[Reply]

It’s wrong and I know we’re over but I want to talk to him again I miss his giggles. His softness. His jokes. What can I do to stop this feeling….
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122205

>>122202
Not op
i should have never left my bf in the first place, i did check out of the relationship for a long time and i self reflected on it and my reason why due to boredom and missing the spark feeling, i thought relationships were all about the firework and spark but i never met anyone like him anymore he was the only guy who told me that he chooses me everyday even when things get hard. This was a month ago and i told him to leave me alone out of my own anger during our last phonecall, recently he sent me a mail that mentioned that he can't live in area at all since every time he drives it reminds him of our memories so he literally enlisted himself in the navy. I just feel so bad, i made a mistake and i want him so bad but i just have a feeling that if i break the silence and reach out he may not want me anymore

Anonymous 122208

>>122205
sorry for the yapfest
well, first, you'd need to ask yourself if your boredom is going to become a problem again. i don't know you or your bf or the relationship you've had together, so this is something you need to mainly figure out yourself. i cannot stress this enough, figure out your own shit before getting back or into a relationship.
second, it's obvious he still cares IN some way (whatever it may be) and probably still likes you, hell he's even enlisting in the fuckin navy because he's probably broken up over you. don't be afraid to break the silence, believe me haha. i've missed my chance when i could've opened up and talked to my boyfriend after our break up, and genuinely from the bottom of my heart i regret it deeply. i could've mended our relationship, got closure or even said a goodbye.

i can't promise you anything, but please talk to him before he leaves, genuinely. you may not get the outcome you want, but atleast you'll both have closure, and potentially in the future can rekindle that spark.
and, if it helps; open up to him about your feelings if you'd like, tell him what really happened and why you lashed out, just be honest, okay?

Anonymous 122639

just gigglemaxx

Anonymous 122783

>>122328
Would you like moids to do the same? To treat a relationship with you as bound for failure, having several escape plans and alternative options because this one is bound to fail and if it works out it just does? Sounds grim.

Anonymous 122803

>>122783
Moids don't deserve shit



4cf335a318c68059b4…

Anonymous 119969[Reply]

Anyone else just accept the fact that they'll never have a husband and kids? How do you cope?
49 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122378

>>121902
trvthke

Anonymous 122484

>>120009
male hands typed this

Anonymous 122675

I've only ever once fallen in love, during my first year in college. I have never met anyone else I've wanted to date. And now it seems impossible, since now everyone my age isn't a virgin, so I'll never find true love.

Anonymous 122786

>>122188
What should he have said - that he has plenty of other options? Would that make you feel better?

Anonymous 122801

>>122786
why are you replying to a month old post?



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Anonymous 122795[Reply]

sometimes it feels less lonely to be alone

Anonymous 122796

>>122795

Gets pretty intoxicating tbh

Anonymous 122797

>>122795
If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.



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Anonymous 122099[Reply]

My boyfriend possibly has a fetish for maids. What should I do? Should I be worried about this?
28 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122744

>>122739
yup

Anonymous 122745

>>122738
Fuck you, you homophobic piece of shit.
You are the reason women will never be free.

Anonymous 122747

35f8d823a8f84920c7…

>>122745
LOL nona is just unlucky and straight

Anonymous 122749

>>122745
Rude >:(

Anonymous 122764

>>122738
>>122745
>>122747
acechads just can't stop winning



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How do you deal with hopelesness for the female species Anonymous 122690[Reply]

Everyday it's more clear to me that women will never be free, it makes me feel suicidal even. We are nothing but pets and will NEVER stop being pets, even if that were to happen I'll be dead by that time. What the fuck do you do from here that isn't giving up?
13 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122742

>>122740
>Women have never thought of themselves as a collective
We naturally do that, it has nothing to do with social media - it's just a tool/vehicle which promotes what already exists. Collectivising and interacting with ingroup bias is a survival mechanism, and in today's age where women compete with men over the same resources, there's even more of a motivation for it to be expressed. But the result on men's part is to either compete back aggressively, which they can't do due to modern laws, or detach, dissociate, tap out, remain weak because their mothers raised them to be non threatening in any way.

Anonymous 122746

>>122728
>The idea that the Patriarchy is organizing globally to keep women down is nuts
have you never seen men harping on women when they are trying to speak against abusive men. 90% of them unanimously start spouting the same shit like "le fake rape allegations" or whatnot.

what you're posting sounds like a schizo projecting their life experience onto everyone no offense lol

Anonymous 122748

>>122728
nothing brings men together more than keeping women down honestly

Anonymous 122750

>>122746
When I was in college all a Woman had to do was whisper and fratboys would get expelled without evidence.

Anonymous 122759

>>122750
sure troon



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Anonymous 121997[Reply]

>You need to modernize
>If you dont get tiktok/twitter/facebook then how will you socialize with others huh silly?
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122063

>>121997
all the people that matter dont use cringe social media anyway

Anonymous 122700

>>122063
>she says on cc

Anonymous 122716

6d8fc39d577ee9a888…

>If you dont get tiktok/twitter/facebook then how will you socialize with others huh silly?

Honestly, I think that these normie social medias make you a bit dumb and with a rather idiotic way of communicating, based on repetitive memes. Maybe the best way to learn how to socialize is to get a worthwhile job and communicate with people at a high level.

Anonymous 122719

genuinely these "normie" social media are filled to the brim with some of the most schizopathic people possible

Anonymous 122724

>>122716
Normalfags act you like have the plague when you tell them you don't have social media



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HOW DO I STOP CARING Anonymous 122565[Reply]

I’ve come to a brutal but necessary conclusion: kindness is overrated when handed out like free samples at a grocery store. I’ve spent years marinating in people-pleasing, thinking empathy was some kind of moral currency. Plot twist — it’s not. In practice, being an open nerve ending only gets you exploited. People don’t respond to kindness; they respond to boundaries. Harsh truth: excessive agreeableness is not virtue — it’s social self-sabotage.

I simp for validation like a lab rat pressing the dopamine lever, and it’s pathetic. It’s classic intermittent reinforcement — a core concept in behavioral psychology — where unpredictable rewards (a compliment, a message back) condition you to keep chasing. It’s the same mechanism that keeps gamblers at the slot machines, and I’ve basically been gambling my self-worth on other people’s approval.

I’ve also been stuck in a victim identity loop. That’s where you start romanticizing your suffering, treating pity as a currency, and staying small because pain becomes familiar. It’s textbook learned helplessness with a side of digital masochism. No more. Self-pity is a trap disguised as self-awareness. I’m done wearing trauma like a personality badge.
A few days ago, I trusted two people on a new account — max security, minimal exposure — and still got doxxed. That’s not just betrayal, it’s stupidity on my part.
Bottom line: Empathy without discernment is emotional self-harm. Validation-seeking is a rigged slot machine. And kindness? It needs a filter, not a floodgate. I’m done being a walking weakness detector for predators online. New arc: ruthless, aware, emotionally sovereign.
How do I stop compulsively empathizing and people-pleasing when I know it’s just a maladaptive trauma response dressed up as kindness, and how do I unhook my brain from chasing validation like it’s crack? How do i stop caring?
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122584

Being a people-pleaser might feel like a defect or wrong behavior, but in a way it kind of is not for someone who's been through neglect or trauma. In fact, it's very logical.

Imagine having lacked care and love all your life. You will eventually try to seek it. So how do you do it? By trying to become caring and pleasing yourself because that's what you secretly want.

This is a vital quality for good relationships built on trust and love - and if this is something you desire and seek for, how can becoming such a person be possibly dumb?

Now on the other hand, there's an alternative explanation for such behavior. (and really common for women) It's having been beat down by authority figures so much your brain can't fathom behaving different - the conditioning overpowers you the moment you try to react to something. Once again, you're not stupid if this is what happened to you.

Your "caring too much" and "people-pleasing" is two things:
1) A need that desperately tries to get itself satisfied. Whether it is for love, trust or vulnerability.
2) Never having been taught how to perceive and act upon the world that isn't a survival mechanism.

For me personally, forgiving myself for point 2 helped me with point 1 cause I learned how to have a bit of empathy for myself. You need to take the emotional toll off of yourself and stop blaming - it only makes it harder to behave rationally.
What also helped was talking to other trauma survivors - these are the only people genuinely capable of empathizing with us. Honestly even the cptsd memes subreddit helped. Even finding someone who's just willing to listen helps. (the vent thread here was really cool for that last time I used it)
Finally, something that's more important for the "beat down by authority" types - it's finding an environment that encourages you to pick yourself first. Maybe it's the feminists or something else. My favorite is a Russian misandrist memes group and cptsd meme groups lol.

Anonymous 122686

>>122584
OP here. Not sure if it’s the same IP, I’ve moved recently.

I get what you’re saying and I wish I could internalize it better. But truth is, I’m tired. I’m tired of being the one who gets the blame even when I haven’t done anything wrong. Someone treats me like shit and somehow I end up being the one who stays kind. Like I can’t help it.

I have this need, maybe obsession, with being liked by everyone. Like if even one person dislikes me, it feels like I’ve failed as a human being. I know it’s not healthy and I know it doesn’t make sense, but it’s hardwired into me somehow. Every part of me feels like I have to be soft, safe, easy to like, no matter the cost.

And it’s exhausting. I’m fed up with constantly trying to prove I’m good enough for people who wouldn’t care if I vanished tomorrow.

I also have this habit of oversharing. Trauma-dumping, talking about people behind their backs, just to feel understood or less alone. I know it makes me look bad. And maybe it is bad. But I never do it out of malice. It’s more like I’m always trying to let the pressure out before it breaks me.

Still, it makes people see me as two-faced. Fake. Someone to avoid. I guess I’ve made peace with being misunderstood, but it still hurts.

I don’t know how to stop caring about people who clearly don’t care about me. I don’t know how to stop giving parts of myself away to people who never asked for them in the first place.

I just want to be okay with being me, even if not everyone likes that version.

Anonymous 122695

IMG_1604.jpeg


Anonymous 122706

>>122695
Is there a cece version?

Anonymous 122721

>>122686
OP, the root of the matter is your need for intimacy, and it's fine to have, it's just part of your personality - but there are less and more healthy ways of achieving it with others. The less healthy way is by giving others sympathy as a way of projecting what you need, you may validate them to the point of enabling and that may cause alienation. People need to hear the truth, but also know that you start off with a subjective truth, and that depending on the circumstance truths change - therefore the healthy way of connecting is by asking for feedback regarding everything - any judgments you have of how things work, who a person seems at first sight, what are a person's preferences, really- anything. This actually is a much more self-centered approach ultimately, because you're investing in your own ability to formulate accurate judgments over time. That is your road to power and connection.



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