/feels/ - Advice & Venting

picrel is scary for some reason

you can be anonymous and have a public life. imagine if facebook turned out to be harvesting millions of data on information that you never shared, like your crushes, really personal info about your sexual preferences, your mental health struggles, like the stuff you'd put in a diary. that would just be wrong. except instead of facebook, it's sites like 4chan, and oh wait, they do possibly do stuff like that and have possibly done stuff like that, or at the very least have users who definitely do stuff like that. oh, and, some bait is used to politically entangle human beings who might just be having a shit day and someone spammed something that made them feel sick.

wrong. its just wrong. it was a lie.

now imagine if people could just be anonymous and grow out of sites normally, or maybe even make their own. this outsourcing of reality is wrong and sick. but people should be able to be as anonymous as they want.

baby trapping is de-anonymizing people really. i mean, if someone wants to be a public figure, that's their choice.

>>118692
Why is the sky absinthe green? That is so cool!

And yeah fuck condoms!
or don't fuck with condoms is what I mean

>>118690
I really want to start writing and sharing more but I am not sure if I could handle people knowing what I like more publicly. I am already embarassed to admit it even if it brings me joy.

i've started a bunch of accounts with cute artsy usernames and not posted on them because i have this fear.
women who put themselves out there are so brave.

i'm not able to get out very often due to physical and mental illnesses so the internet is the biggest resource for me to socialize and meet others. but i'm so paranoid about online anonymity that if i make accounts to share my art, interests, thoughts, etc the moment people actually start interacting i either nuke the accounts or change the usernames. its difficult. at a certain point i wonder what is more detrimental… me isolating myself so greatly or losing some anonymity online?

i work dealing with bank fraud so i see all sorts of shit completely mess up peoples lives… so it's hard to convince me that anonymity isn't worth it.

Im also scared to make a girl uncomfortable if I ask her out. When I get nervous my face goes blank and my voice gets monotone and I seem angry when Im actually so nervous I feel like I'm going to shit myself. I asked a girl out once and she said no and that's cool but I'm pretty sure she thought I hated her afterwards cause I always got so nervous that I seemed angry

>>110491
>>110496
Bullet dodged tbh why did he waste your time in the first place? He sounds like a jerk.

>>110496
Nah he's just gaslighting you op.
If he asked you to hang out alone and said the things he did it was just a date with plausible deniability.
It's a sign of low confidence and sneakiness on his part, not worth it. You'll find someone better.

>>110491
>twinks
I swear wtf is up with ‘straight’ men dating/sleeping with twinks and keeping it secret? Two of my exes cheated with twinks.

>>111083
Denial.

>>110521
Nine months later (whoops) you're so right I stopped being his friend a few months ago because it was a repetitive push and pull situation

>like we are the only two who will ever understand each other
I can’t understand for the life of me why a person would WANT something like this. Likely, the person who you end up having this with will be the exact opposite kind of person you’re expecting. But once you have it, it won’t go away and you’ll live with it whether or not the relationship works out.
I have this connection with some I can’t, and never will be able to have for various reasons. You carry that with you, like a big pit in your stomach, every time you think about it.
I seriously don’t suggest it, rather if you can try form meaningful connections and relationships with friends and family before you enter into a relationship. If you only get it from a relationship it will be brutal.

>>117132
I added that because I'm a hikkikomori. I've never felt a single connection to any living thing so I think it'll feel really really really good. I hope that answers it and you can fix whatevers going on in your life

my ideal bf looks like he plays animal crossing and qt pixel games

also he is not so beta he is scared of tumblr men

>>117150
I never go out either, and when I meet men I am so shy I don't usually let them pursue. I don't know whats wrong with me. I go to therapy but its not making up for lost time and I just want to go back and find a guy at my stage of existance. I am afraid of being manipulated but don't want an old man. I wish I was a slut in high school.

For men:
>Bald. Maybe no eyebrows either
>Glasses
>Tattoos
>Piercings
>Kind hearted
>A little bit above my height
>Traditional in a way where he'll open doors for me and buy me flowers and provide (I still want to work though) but won't try to own me
>Would be willing to kill for me while also understanding I'd rather he just be peaceful

For women:
>Have a cute sense of style
>Glasses
>Sweet and kindhearted
>Neet
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>114902
nta but can you elaborate your third point? i find it very interesting.

>>114982
nta but basically become a creep and seek non-creeps

>>114629
whoa anon. kind of cringe thread but it really sounds like you're being harassed by the same group of people over an unnecessarily long period of time.

>>119112
it's schizophrenia

>>114679
deserved tbh sorry

but this stuff really does happen, low empathy people who usually use the "4chan aesthetic" in their discord anorexic racist groups do this stuff

Just tell him? If he's smart, he'll understand.

I don't get it, if it feels like an actual, physical allergy, why wouldn't you tell him?
>Dude I can't breathe here.

He might even know what it is, it just doesn't bother him.

to an extent its just a normal part of being a human. thats something everyone does life is not just about doing what you like. also your actions dictate who you are there is no "true self" no one knows who they are because the only thing that doesnt change is change itself. seems you expect too much from yourself. go to church find God and youll find inner peace.

>>118904
Do you consider yourself “people?”
Why not try to please yourself first?

>>118904
i used to be kind of like this.
i guess it was rational based on my belief system and i had to adjust my belief system rather than try to behave in a different manner without getting at the reasons for it, specifically i had this idea that i was "behind" mentally or emotionally and other people knew better than me about how a person should be.
i guess i fixed it by meeting a couple of people who were similar to me and realizing that there was nothing wrong with me i am just different and that is okay. so just get lucky and meet those people.
its kind of hard to articulate my thoughts on it since my brain dont work good hence my having this problem in the first place so im not sure if this makes any sense. it makes sense in my head.

Hello this is OP, I've got some issues irl that needed to be settle up, I'm gonna apologize for my limited English and I should inform that I'm still new around here.
>>118908
Im considering looking for a therapy support group, but probably not church or religion related since I got many bad experiences with religious people before. I appreciate your answer thought.
>>118909
Honestly and shortly no. Probably it's because certain near death experience I survived when I was a kid, I was at a water park and the people that were taking care of me (teachers since it was a final year school trip) they doubt it at first and I almost couldn't make it. I don't remember being held or comforted after such thing even so, that scarred me.
>>118921
> i had this idea that i was "behind" mentally or emotionally and other people knew better than me about how a person should be.
I'm in this place, nona. I relapsed many times in depression so I rely in my inner circle to takin important decisions or ask for an advice. I think I can count with my own fingers how many times I made stuff without relying or asking others if the thing I choose is the correct choice.

This is something I have also been working on.
When people say no or give you a neutral answer, does all the stuff that you get anxious about happen? Do you cause a scene? No.
Most sane people will not take a no or you saying your opinion or giving input as something to make a scene over, or dislike you for it. Keep in mind, the people who like people pleasing like low self esteem women for the wrong reasons and like doormats. Those are not the kind of people that should be pleased! Being assertive and honest is not obnoxious or rude. You can still be kind and pleasant and sweet and polite while having boundaries and stating your opinions and giving input and being honest!

Part of it might depend on how different the two you're learning are, but a good method to build up daily vocabulary is to do journaling. Even if you're not feeling like doing much that day, just writing something like "I went to work" can help solidify the words and past tense for you.

>>119098
I thought Duolingo got rid of the forums? I stopped using it bc of that, which was part of their switch to using AI instead of native speakers. Other company decisions didn't help either.

>>119096
Start it sooner rather than later, don't put it off by trying to come up with a special plan for how to learn it perfectly. If I really buckled down and got into french ~2-4 years ago, like I said I wanted to, I probably would be at A2 already.

Use singing while reading the song lyrics to start learning. If you want you can start with finding Disney songs in the target language.

Feel free to use "advice for target language, in target language" YouTube videos. These are quite good even at a very low skill level.

If you're on Firefox and learning Chinese/Japanese use 10ten Japanese reader (you can even put this on your phone) or zhongwen ("the popular Chinese learning tool"). Don't worry, I avoided 10ten out of pride/ego for a long time but it really doesn't hinder, so long as your practicing via singing to written lyrics it only helps and doesn't hurt.


Some Pronunciation Tips
Read the "<language> phonology" page on Wikipedia to learn how to pronounce it well. Don't worship the "closest English approximations" only use these as a jumping off point, compare the "target sound" for example Chinese "p" to your approximate sound, for example English "p" (use the English phonology Wikipedia page and the <target language> phonology wiki page).

Sometimes articles/books give closest approximation sounds which are… just wrong. Ignore idiots who try and claim the "e" sound in languages like Japanese/Spanish are pronounced like… "ay". It's not.

Also if you're doing pinyin (mandarin Chinese) I came up with a … mnemonic sort of thing to remember how to learn all the "sh/ch/j" sounds. The ones with the tongue up the back similar to Japanese sh sounds, (it's more "kawaii") all use single letter consonant symbols, q, j and x. The ones with the tongue lower down and less kawaii all have 2 consonant symbols, (the second of which is an h), so sh, zh and ch.

If this is real, what I doubt, it’s true what someone said at the very start. Nona is getting something out of being abused in some way and her now husband must have realized this by now too. He knows that he can do whatever he wants to her and that she is easily manipulated. It’s only going to further escalate until one of them snaps and kills the other. Is this really how you want it to end, nona? This is what’s going to happen, if you don’t manage to leave for good.

>>116342
I agree with this.
These 2 threads have been so infuriating to read. Besides all your other issues, I still don’t know how you can even stay with him. Are you even attracted to him anymore? He’s the antithesis of a good man. He’s not a leader, not a provider, would be an awful father, an awful deadbeat alcoholic and not only that but he has the nerve to be a misogynist? Also I hope you know his anti immigration stance pertains to you too. At the end of the day, you’re not Japanese and it sounds like he sees you as a second class citizen despite his codependency. How old is he anyway? To be a grown adult and not even have a job is beyond pathetic, and I don’t even know how you can stand to even witness that. Sounds like he’s just a loser who can’t let go of his successful past, with being a host and whatnot and he just resents it. But at least he’s managed to manipulate one idiot woman and that’s you, OP. Wake the fuck up.

Why do u like sissy fags op

>>116446
He's been going on increasingly far-right rants about women, lgbtq, and immigrants. It makes me hate him even more. He's ranting almost daily about how women shouldn't work but when I ask him about getting a job he says he doesn't want to work in an office.

Cleaning is back to peak covid levels. I have to shower, wipe the entry way, wash my feet, wipe tge entry way, wash my feet, wipe the entry way every time I come in from outside. Even just taking out the garbage or going to the convenient store 2 minutes away.

If anyone remembers that coat I bought a while back, I had to throw it away yesterday because it was too dirty to wash (I wore it when I threw away tissues he used to cleana "dangerous spot" in our apartment).

Every day is hell.

I have a health exam regarding my memory problems in January. I'm tryibg to stay until then. Fully prepared for Christmas break to be hell. I might just end up living out of a hotel or manga cafe if I have to.

>>119073
I haven't checked this in about a year and it's not even fun to read anymore. You've been given every avenue to leave and it's pathetic. I believe now that it's a troll. Whenever OP has spare time they'll come add to their fanfiction that should have ended long ago.

>>113257
I really like Hopper's art. For me it evokes peace, rather than loneliness, for some reason.

>>113229
In my experience, no. I live rural and everyone here is 40+ boomers and they live miles away. Growing up, I had not one friend. I commute to the city for work now and have a much easier time making friends.

>>113257
I feel the exact same way as OP. Sure you can claim that it might not be completely hopeless, but that's just not what I'm experiencing. So where should people like us even begin to search for these 'lifetime people' that somehow we missed finding the first time? What are the steps? I swear it's not for a lack of trying. I have tried so many times to get involved with all kinds of groups and individuals both online and off. While it's not so difficult to find an acquaintance who will act friendly once or twice, they couldn't care less about actually getting to know me as a person, and regardless of if they show any actual interest they just end up ghosting me everytime. I just want people I can feel comfortable around. Who skip the small talk nonsense and can enjoy an honest discussion of interests and opinions with. Someone who you can randomly message eachother anytime and discuss your personal lives and thoughts and they are willing to listen. Why is it so impossible to find this situation? It just seems to me like after you're an adult, people stop trying to get to know or care about others. It's as if true friendship is a childhood thing reserved for the lucky few, and I've started to consider that it may possibly be just a fictional concept in general.

>>113228
> By late 20s/early 30s, it’s done.
ded post but i don't really think that's true.
> There are little support forums where someone will essentially roleplay as one of your lifetime people, but that’s like eating wax fruit. There’s no fixing it. There’s nothing and no one.
reminds me of those services where you hire someone to be your family/bf/friend. it's a bit strange.

i do think the interactions had on the internet tend to serve a different purpose than those irl. if i have a conversation on the internet, im talking about random specific things no one else cares about irl. if im really friends with someone, i can talk to them about anything.

>>113228
Only way to keep or make someone a lifetime person if the constantly remind them you exist at all. I have just accepted having to initiate everything though.