Don't know where to post this, but does anyone else here relate to autogynephilia despite being a woman? I grew up scrawny and ugly with a visible illness that made me even uglier, didn't grow curves until my late teens, had very thin and dry hair due to said illness and only wore clothes that would make me invisible. Nobody acknowledged me as a girl until later in life and even then I was only approached by guys who sensed my insecurity and awkwardness and got off on me being "weird". Growing up I romanticized the experience of being a girl that was perceived as such, I was obsessed with femininity. I envied classmates with pretty faces or long hair, asked them to wear it down more, had a dislike for short haircuts or ponytails. I couldn't understand why someone who had everything I wanted to have wouldn't be proudly displaying it. I was so obsessed with women that I identified as lesbian for some time, while also longing to be desired by boys. I fooled around with bicurious classmates who would come for sleepovers with benefits but shunned me at school. I know this sounds like a stupid moid fantasy, but it was extremely confusing for me. I thought I loved women, but craved the validation of men. To this day I don't know if I'm straight or bi. I started doing art and had women model for me, so I was always surrounded by pretty women while being mousy and too self-conscious to try to make the best of my features. I have awkward body language and never learned how to do flattering makeup because I can't stand to look into a mirror for too long. When I date women, I miss men and vice versa. I could stare at women forever but sex with them leaves me feeling awkward and like something's missing, meanwhile when I have sex with men my experience is based entirely on feeling like a real, desirable woman by making the man desire me and get off on me. I often wonder if I'm really into girls or if I just fetishize living vicariously through a desirable woman and crave being validated by lesbian women as the ultimate confirmation that I am perceived as female. I compensate for my childhood experiences so hard I refuse to wear pants, resent everything that could make me look androgynous, I even experience what tranners call gender euphoria when people refer to me as she or girl and thus validate me in even the smallest way. I've never had normie men ask me out, I've never received flowers or a valentine's something or had a normal classic first date, and I know that's
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