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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 01/18/2019

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Anonymous 18887[Reply]

How should you deal with urges to isolate and push away?I'll have these mood swings where on discord I'll delete everyone and leave servers, I'll delete other accounts, I'll cancel plans..Whatever. Just this sudden urge to isolate and push away. Not for valid reasons like me only having toxic friends, it's just caused by some unknown mental illness. Maybe depression maybe BPD.
10 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 30140

>>18888
Listen to this anon. You don't wanna end up like me

Anonymous 30149

>>18887
When i was younger i was the opposite, but now slowly I pick up this habit of purging every contact i have. not out of a need for solitude, but more out of a feeling of worthlessness, or from feeling that everyone gets annoyed by me and puts up with me out of kindness/need, so i do them the service of suddenly "disappearing".

>>19045
This reminds me a whole lot of a friend i used to have who often would "disappear" for months at a time.
She was a great friend, I'm glad she put up with my annoying self back then. I still think
about her often every other day and still hold her as a very good friend. I hope one day fate conspires to have us meet again, although that's deeply unlikely. I hope she's safe and happy.

Anonymous 30152

I've asked my friends, many times before if they wish they could just disappear for a while, and no one has ever related. I kinda wish I didn't read that first post about schizoid thing because now that's gonna be stuck in my head. I can't really open up how I really feel to anyone, I'm feel stupid, pathetic, and performative even in front of my best friends now. I don't even know when this happened.

>>19045
>felt like I "couldn't" reply and procrastinated shit for 6 months to a year at a time
I've never been able to put this into words like this before. Thank you so much. It's these specific shared experiences that bring me coming back to these websites.

I remember being in the car and cowering like a dog when my friend asked why I ghosted her for months, tears forming in her own eyes. She asked something like "what does your anxiety feel like." I didn't know what to say to her, except "I'm sorry" over and over again. I couldn't even believe myself when I told her it was my anxiety before. These experiences are very painful. I feel awful about cutting people out like that, but it feels like just what happens. It comes out of nowhere, like life just pushes me along and I can't really do anything about it. I'm scared of it happening again with people who may be depending on me in some way and having grave consequences. I don't even know if I care about anyone. I feel like there's just too much pressure in my life right now, I can't really live.

Sorry if this post was real long.

Anonymous 30156

This is gonna sound harsh, but isn't. It's borderline personality disorder. You're fucked in the head and basically go from narcissus to needy intermittently through out the day. Worst person you could date is a bpd, these people are not deserving of love.

Anonymous 30160

>>30156
Can't you take your sperging to another thread? You've seen everyone here was polite and decided to ruin the mood.



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Unsent letters Anonymous 2119[Reply]

Ever wanted to give someone a piece of your mind but you know you'd just regret it? Post in here and get it off your chest.
140 posts and 32 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 29842

I miss you Bea, please let's be friends again like before.

Anonymous 29902

Dear A,

I wish you weren't so dramatic, I actually liked talking to you

- P

Anonymous 29966

I cherish every minute I spend with you. And yes, I made a lot of mistakes because I'm a retard, but I wish you wouldn't put all blame on me and understand your fault.
In the end, we are not compatible anyway… Still, thank you.

Q

Anonymous 30080

Dear S,

I can't shake the feeling that you've begun looking past me, at others.

Anonymous 30133

Dear B,

you did a pretty good job during the past few weeks. I am still confused, I am still flattered ~~and horny as fuck~~ and I don't want you to stop.
It was a bad, bad idea and I'm really upset that I was that immature to tell you everything.
But I want to thank you anyways, it meant a lot to me.

I wish you the best,
B



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~Feel good~ songs Anonymous 605[Reply]

Music you listen to for motivation, brightening up, self care etc.

What makes you feel good and capable?
28 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 1513

>>1511
The power of friendship, man. Never fails.

Anonymous 1554

>>1021
Ohh Goose House. They never fail to put me in a good mood.
Their original song Hikaru Nara was used as OP song for Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso.

Anonymous 1603

I listen to this song pretty much anytime I need motivation. The whole album is amazing though.
>>984
I love Kero Kero Bonito! Their songs are so cute. I listen to "Waking Up" whenever I'm feeling down and it always manages to put a smile on my face.

Anonymous 1611

I know, I know… bad taste. sorry. I'm not even a weeb, but this one touches me so fucking deeply. ugh, I love this song. It also brings me memories of someone I sort of mistreated in the past. I'd make things different now if I could go back in time. It's a personal feel good song anyway though, go figure…

Anonymous 30132

>>971
>>984
Taste!

>>957
I know this thread is dead, but I’ve been loving the 80’s remixes as well. My favorite is the Poker Face remix. It gets me so hyped.



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Sensations Anonymous 441[Reply]

What are some weird sensations you enjoy?
For me, it's when you get your blood pressure taken and the cuff inflates around your arm. For some reason, I love it.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 474

>>443
omg this
cats spontaneously touching my bare skin generally speaking too. one of mine sometimes sleep under the covers with me and the feeling of her fur, moving just slightly every once in a while, makes me so happy. it's even better that whenever she does this she stays there all night long

>>441
me too, op! I like light compressions on my forearms too, like someone gently holding my wrist with their hand.

Anonymous 494

I love the smooth feeling of matte products, similar to the ones iPhones come in.

Also rough towels to dry off with, idk why it just feels way better then a soft one.

Anonymous 495

>>494
Feels cleaner, less soggy lmao

Anonymous 498

I like pain on my back but only the top layer of skin. I used to lean against my radiator growing up and burn my back. Idk it was very comforting to me. (I'm not masochistic in the slightest otherwise just to clarify)

The sound of music boxes/musical jewellery boxes being wound up is incredible too. Also when people draw pictures and words on your skin with their fingertips.

Anonymous 30130

>>441
>>447
>>460
These are great.

>>498
>The sound of music boxes/musical jewelry boxes being wound up

They’re so pleasing to hear.

Mine would have to be when you burn your tongue from your first sip of coffee/tea. Yes, I’m serious.



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Dating General Anonymous 29416[Reply]

I didn't know if there was one or if you ladies care. So I made one anyway.

Dating General is for asking questions and or advice, sharing experiences, telling stories and so on
12 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 29709

>>29697
Make him talk about his interest, let him carry the conversation. People on general love talking about themselves and what they like. And don't be afraid to do the same.

Anonymous 29733

>>29697
I think you've misunderstood this part of dating. People with "boring" and/or "obscure" interests fall into the same trap. Talking about this stuff is actually (most of the time) just an activity in trying to get to know each other.
They're trying to understand you and you're trying to understand them. They're not trying to be interested in the same things as you, they're hopefully interested in you - so explain to them what your interests mean to you, what you like about it, why you like it, what you get out of it, how rewarding it is etc. Encourage the same sort of response out of him when he talks about his own interests.

Remember, you're not trying to sell him your interests, you're not trying to make him also interested in the whatever you like. You're seeing if he's interested in you as a person (and vice versa). What someone likes in itself tells you very little of their personality; it's why they like what they do; it's what it means to them; it's what things they get out of it; and all this extra stuff surrounding someone's interests that really tells you about a person.

Anonymous 30115

Spoiler

>>29701
>>29588
Stop assuming stuff, anon asked for gift ideas FOR her boyfriend.

Anonymous 30121

>>30118
/adv/ on 4chins exists you know. It has lots of female posters too.

Anonymous 30124

>>30122
message her asking if she wants to hang out. now fuck off and delete your post



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Missing being single Anonymous 30016[Reply]

I know a lot of people here are struggling with loneliness and being single. I did too for a long time. I'm finally in a longterm relationship with a dream guy who is perfect for me but I'm starting to miss being single.

It's not that I want to date someone else or sleep around or anything like that. I just miss being a loner with complete independence (we live together, work at home and share the same hobbies). My relationship isn't controlling or abusive, just normal. I guess I miss being able to be weird in my own way without having someone else know about it. Not anything that crazy but like eating nothing but chocolate ice-cream for a day or getting up in the middle of the night to walk around outside without having to explain it to someone else.

I know if I was single I would be so lonely so maybe I'm just romanticising my past since I probably won't be single again ever.

Has anyone else ever felt like this?
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 30042

>>30016
The grass is always greener on the other side. You never miss what you already have.

Anonymous 30052

>>30016
If you live together, work at home(both of you?) and have the same hobbies it sounds like you have 0 alone time. You rightfully realize you probably don't want to be single but you've got to have some level of independence. Try and find work or hobbies out of the house. As someone who used to be in a similar situation you just need to cycle through more surroundings. You can be in a loving relationship and not joined at the hip.

Anonymous 30066

>>30052
Yes, we both work from home, same type of work, and sit next to each other all day long. I think you're right. The problem is we live in a small town and I don't speak the language her yet. I'm definately going to make more of an effort from now on.

Anonymous 30077

I don't mind being joined at the hip, though granted, my boyfriend and I don't live together yet.

What I miss about being single is that being in a relationship is painful for me mentally. Although my boyfriend is mindful, thoughtful, and is good at understanding other people's perspectives, and we have excellent communication, I constantly fear things going south, I fear his reactions to the shit I go through daily with my family (I talk about how they affect me an ample amount), and I especially fear that he will see me as stupid or weak for the fact that despite how I refuse to let myself show negative emotions in front of others that in reality, I cry all the time in private and am actually very sensitive, even though many think I'm the exact opposite. I've communicated this to him and although he tries to reassure me, I feel hopeless in that he's never seen me how I truly am alone, and I find it ugly, hideous, and sniveling so I feel already awful about it and I feel like I don't want to let another in on that.

I was open to my other, ex partners about the things which would make me cry, but that was because they were the type to just listen and not have an opinion on it (and ironically, this is why I like my current boyfriend, he has lots of opinions on everything and I'm like that so we never run out of conversational topics to discuss).

It's a double-edged sword.

Anonymous 30088

The only thing I don't do around my bf (or anyone, really) is talk to myself. I love talking to myself while playing vidya and narrating what I do, that's really the only thing I had to give up when living with him. Other than that we do so much cringy stuff together/in front of each other that the fbi agent watching us probably thinks we have some sort of mild retardation.



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Anonymous 29578[Reply]

are you religious? if yes, to what extent and which religion?
80 posts and 13 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 30049

>>29930
>Nietzsche approaches
>"today i am enlightened not by a phony god's blessing but by my own Will to power, also, all women are cows that need to be whipped"
>Tips fedora*
>Goes back to his home to write whiny melodramatic letters to Lou Salome begging her for sex and berating her for dating Chad instead of an UberNiceguy like himself.

Anonymous 30050

jt.jpg

>>29872

How about a small religious minority controling the biggest media monopolies and finantial institutions of the world and only allowing members of their own sect in positions of power.

Anonymous 30055

>>30049
that's just an ad hominem, doesn't matter if nietszche was a loser, he still proved (and he wasn't the only one to be honest) without a doubt that jesus was a product of his time

Anonymous 30056

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>>30055
>he still proved (and he wasn't the only one to be honest) without a doubt
>philosophy
>prove anything
>prove anything without a doubt

please, philosophy is nothing more than elaborate opinions, that's like saying that Schopenhaur proved without a doubt that all women are thots.

Anonymous 30084

>>30055
the idea that all thinkers are bound by their cultural context is a very 19th century type of thing to have thought



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OCD + Gay content warped my mind in how I see men and their sexuality Anonymous 29844[Reply]

So I've always lurked and posted on 4ch like alot of us here. Over the course of time I've been exposed to alot of gay shit and gay culture on the site (that I wish I was still unaware of) and became obsessed with trying to figure out if all men secretly want or prefer to fuck other men…or atleast a dick. I have trouble getting off during sex because of childhood abuse, and I was never able to relate to the women in porn. Seeing how men enjoy themselves in gay porn (though to be fair, IT IS porn) worsened this, I have to pretend to be the guy or to picture gay porn in my mind to be able to cum. During this, my mind has me feeling like less of a woman, and my mind has been warped to believe I as a woman could never satisfy a man. I know I'm being a schizo but I want to atleast just vent and see things written out.. To see how unreasonable I'm being.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 29917

>>29911
I know I'm being crazy though.

>Anyway, no. Most men don't want to fuck other men, particularly if they're straight. Do you want to fuck other women because they can satisfy you better? Probably not.


Thanks anon.

Anonymous 29940

>>29916
I've never really looked at it, but I know Pornhub at least has a "For Women" category. Have you tried that or amateur porn?

Anonymous 29945

>>29940
>For women
Had no clue, might check it out
later on, currently on a porn break. Amateur stuff I actually really like, except it can be hit or miss in regards to that category.

Anonymous 30011

>>29996
I know my bf gave one to his bro at highschool, but hes a raging bisexual now, so i think the only people who go for it are already gay or bi in some way

Anonymous 30014

>>29996
Yes. That's why we girls have to introduce the opposite of it among us. Heh heh.



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Helping my sister get out of my broken shadow Anonymous 25732[Reply]

>Be me, 18f, sister is currently 10
>I had a very codependent and emotionally blurry relationship with my mom ever since i was born, was treated like a best friend/life partner even since i was ~6
>Mom micromanaged my entire life and isolated me socially in a way that you wouldnt believe
>I was nerdy, into anime, quiet, smart, friendless, awkward, obedient all my life, this led me to be very academically successful at the cost of my own mental health
>Ff to this year, I move overseas to live with my fiance
>I was already considered a golden child by my family because of the academical success, but theyre now straight up kissing my balls because im in western europe
>Im afraid that now that im gone my mom is inflicting the same abuse on my sister
>Sister is following the same life path as me, nerdy, awkward, into anime, but she loves her friends and is 0 interested in her studies
>Entire family but especially mom makes constant comparisons between us 2, how i was good at this and she isnt, how im smart but shes not
>I asked mom to stop comparing us at least in front of her because this is not only going to make sister hate me, its definitely injuring her self esteem and making things only worse for her
>Next time my mom calls shes complaining about how sister isnt as good as me
>I ask her if sister is at least not around
>She says shes right beside her watching youtube
>i tell my mom to stop the call right now because my sister can hear it, she gets angry and says shes too small to understand
>text my sister later and she mentions what my mom was saying word for word
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
8 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 29637

@admins sorry for necroing this thread, things reached a critical point (sister called me in tears about what was going on and making plans to run away) im at an absolute loo and i need help more than ever

>>25793
>>25806
Doing that

>>25930
>talk to your sister and tell her why your moms behavior isnt acceptable
Im afraid that by refusing to bow down, we both will become pariahs in the family (my sister does that on a daily basis already and is the scapegoat/black sheep of the family). My father disagrees with my mom but he is even worse than my mom in terms of abuse/negligence, and no one else is assed to care about us. Ill support her the best i can but i cant afford to make her lose the only "support" system she has in the family that is at least able to offer physical security.

>>25933
CPS in my country doesnt give half of a flying fuck about kids who are actually getting abused. police told a girl whose mom threw boiling water on her face to stfu and obey her family (she has horrid scars even years after). If police did nothing about that theres 0 chance my sister will get any support bc family is "just" comparing the both of us "to push her to excel". I dont want to subject her to the negligence of the foster system either.

Anonymous Admin 29639

>>29637
Necroing is never an issue on this site. Our threads don't get pruned for a reason. Please continue.

Anonymous 29687

>>29637
does her school offer therapy? have you let her know, flat out that your mother is abusing her? my parents emotionally abused me too and I think the constant back and forth of whether it was actually abuse made it harder for me to deal with. does your sister know about how your mother abused you too, and that's the reason for your academic success?

is there something she is confident in? get her into a constructive hobby, having something she is good at will help a lot. do positive affirmation exercises with her to build up her self esteem.

idk, these are some ideas. I'm glad she has such a wonderful older sister, I wish mine had done even a quarter of what you're doing.

Anonymous 29689

>>29639
Thanks a lot, you guys are awesome.


>>29687
>does her school offer therapy?
no, but teachers can recommend you to a psychologist if they deem it fit/if you talk to them about it. I did that myself.
Problem is, my mother does not believe in privacy and believes that every problem we have should be discussed with family only, and actively worked against therapy, so i dropped it after the 3rd visit.
I know my sister is different than me, but I dont want to subject her to the possible trauma, which would possibly make her more reluctant to attend therapy in the future.
My current tactic is to influence my mother's opinions on therapy. Now that she respects me, she may value my opinions more and I might change her mind at least a bit towards it>>29639
.

>have you let her know, flat out that your mother is abusing her? does your sister know about how your mother abused you too, and that's the reason for your academic success?

I think she is too young still and wouldnt deal with the information in a positive/beneficial way. I dont want to smear her image of my mother yet either. Ill definitely talk about it here and there, leave clues for her to piece together, and once she gets more mature ill talk to her properly about it.
I dont want to give her the impression that academical success = bad either, as i understand that it has also helped me a great deal, especially with hightailing it out of my home situation and the country (which is a dumpster fire).
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 30009

OP, take a look at the r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit if you haven't already. They have a lot of useful recources.



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Anonymous 30006[Reply]

I went to electronics shop to buy nintendo switch lite and find there my ex bf.

He didnt noticed me at all.

He looks really kewl right now, became more robust, shaved his virgin moustache and neckfur. He also wear some classy clothes.

Life is shit, I wanna kill myself.

Anonymous 30007

But, yeah, I bought greeny switch lite, guess ill drunk myself today, while playing some games.

Anonymous 30008

If the issue before was that he was immature or whatever, swallow your pride and contact him.

Anonymous 30023

Why did you break up?
If he was abusive he's not worth missing. If he broke up with you…F.



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