/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>126026
Wait, just to get it right:
Suit guy 1: cool
Suit guy 2: fetish

Because of suit guy 2 you decided that suit guy 1 is also a pervert and dropped him for a toothless bum?

Toplel

>>126389
reading comprehension deity… I kneel

>>126390
Even if it's about the same guy - kinkshaming is out, fetishes are weird. Droping somebody bc of that (and then proceed to fall into depression) is asinine.

Cutting him out and be cool about it is one thing, cutting him out and fall into depression another.

The tactical question arises: what was the point of this whole exercise? Apparently to make you miserable and show him that his likings are not okay. Both people sad, nobody won.

>>126405
you sound like you're really into suits

>>126408
Archons pushing new, meaningless words for goyim to use as weapons in culture war against each other.

>>126195
It's possible to be in love with one person and also have some sexual attraction to someone else, especially in the early stages of a relationship when you're just starting out. One of my friends felt this way about a guy she met even though she was already dating someone else, but she decided to let go of those feelings because she loves her boyfriend and wouldn't want to hurt him like that. It was a fleeting sort of attraction and she never intended to do anything with it. Some people never feel this way about others while in a relationship, but if someone does, it doesn't mean they'll just cheat on their partner. It'd be a cruel and frankly stupid thing to do. Even if things are not going well in a relationship, normal people will break up (if they can/aren't in an abusive relationship) instead of cheating. For one, because most people wouldn't want to hurt their partner and also because being a known cheater has the potential to endanger future relationships.
>screwed with one of his closest friends
Sounds like he'd wanted to have sex with her for a while and wanted to do it before he couldn't anymore, presumably because he doesn't want to cheat. You can have sex with someone without it being that romantic, although a friendship can feel similar I suppose. I'd imagine that this step messed with their friendship anyway though. Probably also made it easy to cut ties with her.
>I resent him SO much for it
>I haven't told him anything
He did apologise and cut ties with that girl, but imagine if you confronted him now. Is there anything he could say to ease your worries? Anything he could do? Or just listen and be empathetic?
>I've become the most insecure
Can that one instance really do that? Did he ever flirt with anyone else in front of you or said things about being able to get with other women easily? Bragging about anything even close to that he could be a player if he wanted to? If yes, that's a definite red flag, but if not, he's probably fine, right? Maybe you should tell him about your insecurities regardless. In fact, why haven't you talked to him about it? Do you think he'll blame you for feeling that way, for not being able to let go, are you worried about him being angry about it? If you convey that Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Both men and women will get in entire separate relationships and carry out a weird not even necessarily platonic friendship relationship at the same time. Some even a third work husband/wife. Most people now are so hyper focused on themselves that they don’t even see this as cheating. They don’t think about anyone else who isn’t in the room ever. They can be seated next to their gf ignoring them for the female friend they really want. They can be innocent and have the male or female friend desperate for them. These things can stop and start again with no conversation. People and relationships are complicated.

>>126382
My best friends current situation has no idea about me and neither does my own partner. The relationship he and I have is actually the most important to him. I even saved his sisters wedding. No one besides his family my second family really has any idea. We will be together when the coast is clear but right now he and I both agree it’s best these last few years to keep it private between us. His gf has no idea they aren’t getting married and I’m going to go from his best friend to his partner. I pretend we are friends.

Paying income tax is too much findom for me already, don't know how people could stand even more findom

>>126346
i agree. you dodged a bullet nona

i hope you left him. he should’ve been giving that to you. not marriage material at all. hope he goes bankrupt.

don’t say anything to him. collect all evidence of it you can before you do anything. maybe also reach out to her - she likely has no idea. she likely has access to things you didn’t see. she would be able to tell you things if she’s willing you won’t be able to find out. do all of this before speaking to him. if it goes sour you will regret not having proof of this to show people. you could also probably post him as a personal cow so other girls in the future can google his name and it’ll show up. just format it when you post about it as if he’s a stranger you have tea on and post anything else embarrassing on his socials. it likely won’t get deleted like other websites would and will show up when anyone investigates him.

>>126364
tbh findomesses are probably well aware some of their clients are like this
it's like with prostitution

>>126305
hiii :)
thank you so much for the advice!
it's hard coming to terms with doing so badly considering i've been a straight A student my whole life, but i guess my issues had to catch up with me at some point. better sooner than later i guess.
thank you for the kind words and advice :) much love<33

>>126299
>i'm struck with this debilitating fear that this is all I'll ever amount to
Sounds like catastrophising. Maybe check out this: https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions#catastrophizing
My cptsd and personality disorder really led to some distorted thinking and I had to get used to just challenge my own thoughts when that happens because sometimes, you're just stuck in that way of thinking where you think that pessimism is realism because your life just sucked and the worst outcome feels emotionally true and inevitable because your nervous system is just wrecked that way… But it definitely won't stay that way noona, I promise! Intellectually knowing that some of your thinking is a bit distorted by bad experiences and low self-esteem helps a little, but emotions just need more time to catch up with the intellectual stuff. Be patient with yourself, it's okay, you'll get better for sure, it just takes a bit of time.
>because I simply cannot deal with myself enough to do uni.
Depression will do that to you, I couldn't get out of bed for the most simple things for a while, it was so damn hard to just get up, I tried to just roll out of bed to hit the floor and damn, it didn't help either. Sometimes you're just so done… there are good and bad days ofc, days where things are just easier but really, motivating yourself to get up will also be easier over time as you heal.
I sometimes still feel a bit like I just wanna stay glued to my bed, but… I can actually just get up quickly these days if it's necessary. It's not like it used to be, now I can just get up when I want to and the want is enough to make me move. But I do remember times when it wasn't that way and damn, I really feel for you noona…
What I can say in retrospect to all that is that I beat myself up too much and I really didn't have to and you don't have to do that either, please please noona be kind to yourself, you deserve so much kindness after everything and you really deserve it from yourself. It may sound appealing to just beat yourself into shape so you can get up and do what needs to be done, but that maybe works one time and what ends up happening is thatPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I was in your position my first year. To the point I had to write a letter about all my issues to get my financial support back. You need to access your university resources, such as Counseling and Psychological services. It should be either free or really cheap (under 60 bucks), you can get to be medicated (which sounds scary but is better than ending up an alcoholic/another addict later on in life or just becoming a burn out).

Focus on that. Really, don't jump into a relationship because it makes you feel good unless analyzing it as well as a 19 year old can. I did that mistake and now I'm at square 1 in my senior year of uni. Make friends though and get to feel comfortable with your professors and environment, even if you feel like a fuck up. You are 19, many people do.

If you have the counseling services and a person who is treating you medically you can ask for accessibility in your university. You can also access this service if your meeting an outside doctor as well. This could give you more leeway, deadline extensions, and just a general understanding given to your professors about a very face value of your health. Also if things slip too far out of hand and you depends on grants/scholarships/pell grant/etc. they can write to financial services that you are a student that needs extra help and your circumstance and diagnoses, and to get you out of the bureaucratic issues of failing classes.

This is all from an American perspective so I don't know your situation. These are general steps you can take at an American University/college if you want to stay in Uni and to get help.

I've heard Asian households can make getting mental health care difficult, like it's shameful. Your parents won't be notified that your using Counseling resources. They only could maybe be notified about anything if you take the route of medication (as an intake assessment might be routed to your insurance company and also prescriptions, but they would be general labels). You could choose to use insurance or not, depends on how fearful you are. You can always ask these people about costs, and they should get a billing person to speak to you. If you're going no insurance route you can use GoodRX coupons on medications.

These are some of the steps I had to take at your age. Please do them sooner than later. There's probably other things to do like study groups, etc. that could combat the inability to work if no one is watching you as Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>126312
hi nona! this is op!
1. thank you so much for taking time to respond to my post, i really appreciate it.
2. I've been to counselling services and been set up with an academic adjustment plan, but they really didn't do much else besides that. I've also sent emails to professors due to missed assignments or tutorials, but I just feel kinda greedy getting too many special considerations or grants. So i've been really conservative with those, because there's only so much extensions can do when the real problem is just me.
3. I was medicated on lexapro, and then setraline, but I was forcefully taken off it because my parents 'don't like me taking meds,' and refuse to help me find other GPs or Psychologists to get me back on, since I'm out of sessions with my past psychs and my main GP is on leave for a long time. I'm aware that I can do it myself since I'm an adult, but it's just hard and I don't know where to look and stressful accounting for everything else in my life. They also don't really believe in mental health either, and I can't talk to them about my mental health since they are the causes of it and since they think that I'm like this simply because I'm lazy and don't want to get better. I tried to talk to my mom about my OCD and she just told me to hit the gym and sleep better lol.
4. i'm currently working so my main goal is to just save up and get at least uni accoms, maybe getting out of this environment will help greatly with my mental health, who knows.
Thank you again for the response<3 big love

Maybe consider going to uni part time instead of full time? It might make the work load easier despite going to college for a longer time. Heck, it'll cut down the costs for sure though

>>125983
update: ive made a pact with a fren to not overthink for all of october and just do things.

i call it "omit overthinking october"

so far i have talked to at least 5 people i have barely spoken to in the past year and it turns out they do not in fact bite

will see how the rest of the month goes

i recommend everyone tries this challenge

>>125984
Share pls

ok

>>125984
youre beyond youre prime anyways stop trying

Okay..

>>126152
So have you ever met in person?

>>126159
yes, frequently

Who is the girl in the pic? I feel like I recognise her but I also don’t

Just don’t do it, duh.

>>122465
it's nagyung from fromis_9!
>>122467
yeah you're right, I just get this desire to correct moids and teach them a lesson but my free time is too precious tbh

>>122472
Aw I should’ve known that, I used to listen to fun! religiously

>>122472
"You're right Nona. I'm sorry. I apologize for wasting your time."
What if he said this?

>>126193
None. I just wanted to know how others would react. Because I wouldn't know what to do. The situation would just be too surreal.

>>126199
Lol. No.

>>126193
Soy retard, or worse, soy pickme

>>126164
Trannies will never be prettier than real women. Only trannies and tranny chasers with porn addictions think otherwise. And that itself is extremely unattractive so I wouldn’t care. If I found out a man I was into wanted to get with a troon I would be repulsed by him. Also it’s kinda sad how ppl will callTIMs who have gotten so many surgeries and fillers attractive but will always be quick to tell actual women like let’s say kylie jenner they aren’t naturally beautiful and ugly because they looked different before surgery as well. Anyway troons are nothing but your average hideous moid with plastic surgery.

I don’t get jealous of men so I’d be ambivalent to it
Anyway shouldn’t futa enjoyers like transwomen? I don’t get why they’re not more in demand considering the type of porn is popular.

doesn’t even happen and is a jealous troid fantasy

I remember going out to get groceries like 6 years ago and seeing some hobo man standing on the other side of the road, jorking it. He was looking at me too, like expecting to see some sort of reaction. After that some car stopped near him and apparently he got chased off or something. idk

>>126141
Trent is back babyyyy

>>126182
>I struggle
>hate myself and blame it on lazyness
>but really I think it's just being overwhelmed and paralysed by the fear of failure.
Indeed, I agree with what >>126183 said, it's not really laziness if you're struggling and paralysed by a mental block.
I don't have diagnosed anxiety nor ADHD but I find that some resources for those can be useful for people's mental health in general, like the stuff about Executive Dysfunction, being kind to yourself and working on ways to follow your own plans while handling anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed by breaking things into small steps, changing your environment, approaching things more slowly, stuff like that. What helps will depend on the person but for me, I work much better when I just have someone else to work with or alongside with, even if that's just strangers at the library when I study there. The change of environment helps too. Also, addressing the fear of failure, like, what does failure mean to you? Wouldn't there be a second attempt or another good thing you can do instead if this attempt at whatever you're working on doesn't work out? Also, the economy sucks right now and everyone is at a different starting position, so even if you struggle, don't self-internalise it all as your fault, things in society really could be better… Like, taking responsibility for bettering your life and trying your best is one thing, but you're already doing that and I think you can and should take pride in it.

>>126186
Despite everyone having their strengths and weaknesses, and advanced knowledge in subject not being necessary for the layman, it is demoralizing to not have the algebraic ability to pass secondary school math courses. Unfortunately, no amount of hardwork has lead to meaningful progress in this domain. Even though dyscalculia exists, the myth of not being a "maths person" is problematic to me. It comes down to the quality of maths instruction, alongside the attitudes instilled in you towards math. Obviously, not every secondary school graduate is proficient in algebra. In fact, in many western countries mathematics performance is declining.

I am grateful for resources, unfortunately, I'm familiar with everything listed.Thank you for the effort anyway; it's much appreciated. Need not feel bad, I neglected to state I have an extensive list of resources I compiled.

I'm glad that you mentioned public libraries. Although, it's true that some public libraries offer workshops, tutoring, classes, and other resources, my public library is barebones.

Regardless of these resources not being relevant to me, I hope that it will help another adult learner. God bless sharing this information.

With that out of the way, I have an abundance of information I have yet to make use of. My problem lies in navigating a poorly funded adult education system. Not having equivalency is creating immense issues for me. Essentially, I'm unable to progress in life: lots of jobs are inaccessible to those with less than a secondary school diploma, and universities often gatekeep access to higher education for those without a secondary school diploma. Although, it is likely I can go to university a mature student, the standard admissions require specific secondary school credits.
The quality of adult education is abysmal. Society does not see the economic benefit of uplifting adult learners. What this means for me is I am trapped with obsolete correspondence courses without guidance, despite it wreaking havoc on my wellbeing. As an educational neglect survivor, who was denied enrollment to secondary school by my parent for being"retarded", trying to overcome these challenges in a system that does not support me is exhausting.

It's well understood that learning is hindered when in a survival state. For me, formal education is a necessity. CertaPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I haven't done any schooling since I was 14. I have passable verbal intelligence, and that fools people because my words are all they're interacting with, but I have middle school level knowledge in mathematics, science, everything else.

Ultimately I think I'm just built for unskilled work, for the same set of personal flaws that had me drop out of school in the first place.

>>126190
Unskilled labor is important. Earning an honest living with a menial job is commendable. It's okay to not excel in skilled trades, or regulated occupations. After all, these unskilled jobs are often essential to the functioning of society, we cannot all be white-collar workers.

For those who are deficient in mathematics and science,which rely heavily on critical thinking, abstract thinking, and problem solving skills, the ability to present your ideas verbally and in writing coherently is a mask. Admittedly, this feels like hiding that you are an imbecile. However, imposter syndrome causes you to feel like you are a fraud even when you are successful.

Although the circumstances of anon are unclear, I sense that they have low self-esteem based on how they are talking about themself. A minor who dropped out is in crisis. A well-supported teenager does not make such a life-changing decision. Not to mention, when a teenager drops out, their parent, or guardian has to be okay with their decision. In a household where education is valued, and the parents are in tune with their childrens needs, dropping out would not be on the table. It is okay to grieve the opportunities you lost for not graduating high school, but enduring struggle does not make you worthless.

>>126191
>the ability to present your ideas verbally and in writing coherently is a mask
It's not inherently a mask, it's its own skill.
I know people who are well-versed in math but really struggle to convey the most basic information in a comprehensive manner.