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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

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Anonymous 71373[Reply]

I am really worried that my boyfriend doesn't love me as much as he used to. He seems to be kinda absent-minded, when we are together. I fear the passion in our relationship is dying out. I still love him with all my heart, so it hurts to see how he is distancing himself from me. We don't hang out as much as we used to. He doesn't like texting, so I try to not text him as much anymore, even when I feel lonely. I often cry, because I fear a breakup is imminent.

I wish I was better at relationships. Better at seducing men, not being so emotionally dependent on them and making them addicted to me. I seem to have missed that class in girl school. I am just an awkward boring girl, that doesn't know what she's doing.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71387

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I went through this exact situation, OP. Directly talk to him about it. Tell him exactly what you’re feeling. How you feel neglected romantically. Judge him by how he reacts.

Anonymous 71403

>>71380
If he's doing a project you could sit in with him while he does it and make it a couples activity maybe, theres an opportunity there to spend more time around him

Anonymous 71445

>>71380
These are all perfectly valid points although they shouldn't be a permanent thing

BUT
>He tells me that he doesn't like texting that much and feels like it's a burden to have to reply to people
This is a lie and a pretty big redflag. I have never ever met someone that hates texting or speaking to the person they like. Sounds to me like he lost interest in the relationship so brace yourself for the worst.
ESPECIALLY since your post implies that this wasn't always the case.

Anonymous 71459

>>71445
> I have never ever met someone that hates texting or speaking to the person they like.
Speaking isn't texting. Texting is usually unfulfilling, banal shit that demands your time and attention constantly but intermittently because you don't want to be rude. Because of that, it is a burden. Lots of people aren't interested in that but still enjoy good conversations face to face.

However, it seems weird that they spend such little time together, but we don't know the specifics.

>>71373
He may just like spending more time alone, not that he doesn't like you, but if you don't match eachother in this then obviously it's not good.

Anonymous 71462

Be direct about what you expect out of a relationship (more intimacy, attention, whatever). Do you really want to be eating out of your boyfriend’s hand for the rest of your life? Don’t be a doormat OP.



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Anonymous 71193[Reply]

>trying to find a therapist for disordered eating
>"I am fat positive"

Fucking kill me I am slowly killing myself with this binge eating cycle I'm stuck in and don't want to hear fat positivity. I don't know If I can find a therapist with similar values
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71408

>>71193
If you want to loose the weight use a calorie counter app like MyFitnessPal.
It sets calorie goals for you after you weigh in, and you just lookup or scan the barcode of the food you eat. I keep measuring cups and a food scale in my kitchen to help.

Anonymous 71416

>>71193
I found this "snake diet" guy on YouTube that's all about fasting. He says to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and scream "STOP FUCKING EATING YOU FAT FUCKING PIG" and just stop eating. His videos are very very "fat negative" but have helped me start skipping breakfast and be more mindful of both my weight and my eating. I'm down 10lbs in 3 weeks, 130 to go :/

Anonymous 71418

>>71416
Remember to excercise too. Even if it's just walking. Less calories in is good, but more calorie out at the same time is double good.

Anonymous 71456

>>71416
Fasting is dumb and sucks. You're gonna end up with loose skin.
Why don't you just lift weights? You actually have to eat to make it work and it makes you look better. It's less awful than fasting imo.

Anonymous 71458

>>71456
If they have 130lbs to lose they are going end up with loose skin regardless of any method they choose



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Toxic Behavior and Change Anonymous 71378[Reply]

In the last two or so years I've noticed a drastic shift in my behavior when it comes to interacting with people - especially in groups or with strangers - where I'm either withdrawn and quiet at best, or outright arrogant and surrounded by an air of pompous grandeur and biting sarcasm at worst, and I don't really know how to change to be a more lighthearted, honest version of myself like when I was a teen.

I had a recent ex (they're unimportant but still relevant for context) who was a social go-getter, with one thing we shared in common being that we were both judgemental badmouthers and gossipers, and yet he was very socially successful and well-liked despite being goofy and honestly quite clumsy in social settings while keeping his rougher edges confined behind closed doors. Deep down I was very frustrated that he was so successful when I was clearly better than him socially with more emotional-intelligence and subtle charm, yet felt too insecure to address it because I thought of myself as better than some fool on the spectrum with a cocky attitude and so resorted to humbling his ego and calling out his own faults to compensate.

I think the fact that I have less and less of a filter as I get older is what is ultimately hurting me the most, possibly more so than the judgemental attitude itself? I have very high standards and expecations of others at this stage in my life (as I do of myself), but are they too high and do I need to get off my high horse? How do I learn to let my guard down when I'm absolutely terrified of being used and exploited by others like when I was younger?
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71399

__fu_hua_honkai_an…

>>71381
>I used to hide my insecurity behind arrogance
So you just grew out of it naturally or did you actually find your own self-worth through something extrinsic instead? Because yes, I was wondering if it's either insecurity on my part or even just immaturity (such as me knowing how much I can get away with without it coming back to bite me and pushing buttons just to get potential reactions out of others). I'd say I'm only insecure/anxious if I'm craving something from someone and they won't give it to me or someone does better than me at something and makes me look bad (hence why my ex annoyed me by being a poser).
>>71396
Maybe I don't wanna die alone unlike you? I made this thread on a whim due to a negative experience at a party and was feeling introspective, it was never about hating socializing.

Anonymous 71400

>>71378
Narcissistic vibes.

Anonymous 71404

>>71396 you don't have to die alone if you hate social interacting you only need a few friends. Going out of your way to socialize if you don't enjoy it is really draining.

Anonymous 71406

>>71399
>So you just grew out of it naturally or did you actually find your own self-worth through something extrinsic instead?
Neither. Now I express my arrogance by making myself appear as a very kind, compassionate and caring person.
It makes me feels good, because being a good person feels good. Being seen as a good person also feels good. It hides my personality flaw and people like me more.

Anonymous 71453

Fu_Hua_b.png

>>71406
Honestly, I totally understand where you're coming from and why it works for you lol. Because I find myself actively seeking out and inserting myself into the life of the most popular and well-liked person in any group since it's an easy platfrom to grow connections out of, and occasionally they will have big hearts on the surface just like you seem to, but the issue I find with this is that the adage of "a friend to everyone is a friend to none" holds true, so these people tend to slip under pressure and reveal their more despondent, uncaring, volatile, and selfish side and desires, hence why I view it with some suspicion and as innately flakey and fake, and it stings especially harshly if you get intimately involved with them. Plus I feel disgust at being treated the same as everyone else and enjoy being someone's star.

I don't know, personality just needs more flavor to make things fun and there's nothing more boring than a one-note.

Of course I am kind and caring and actually enjoy listening to others, but I have a terrible habit of devaluing those closest to me and holding them to extremely high standards and being controlling. It is possibly the biggest reason why I have issues maintaining friendships and relationships long-term, but I am gonna continue and try to steadily fix that flaw for my own comfort and well-being.



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Anonymous 71232[Reply]

My family acts like our dad is a normal nice dad even though he abused us and our mother for decades as he’s an alcoholic and abusive “father” I don’t know if it’s wrong or not that I reject my father when he tries to act like a normal dad to me when he isn’t, he tries to come around me and make casual conversation as if we’re normal father and daughter. The rest of my family however somewhat enables him in the sense that they can ignore the death threats; the physical scars and abuse he left on us and our mother? I don’t know, maybe I’m the crazy one? Forgive and forget, don’t really know. My mom is also a degenerate but she’s the easier one to love, I just love my mom so much ahhhh. Are there other anons here with equally both shitty narcissistic mom and dad? I feel like my moms my daughter sometimes, I’ve been told I “baby” her in a sense, but she deserves it because she’s never had it, I’m going to follow her to her grave
3 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71365

>>71321
It isn’t fair

Anonymous 71366

>>71322
Do you think I would be better off not knowing if I wasn’t self aware about this circumstance? I kinda wish I didn’t know, maybe I would be happier

Anonymous 71401

>>71321
>>71321
This is a very cute specimen of the only specy known of the octocolobus genre ! Manul cats are very goofy and fluffy, but what is that tiny beast doing near a human building ? They are known to be very defiant towards humans.

Anonymous 71451

>>71365

No, it's not. But it's sadly what we have to deal with. I think we both can make good lives for ourselves even with our shitty parents.

Anonymous 71452

>>71401

I think he is in a zoo!



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Anonymous 70881[Reply]

Ive genuinely never understood how people can stay so passive and not be completely crushed by how fucked up the world and people are. People tend to have strong worldviews but its like it only matters to them when the subject is brought up and otherwise it doesnt impact their life. Noone is shaken by the fact that everyone around them is putting on a facade and lying to eachother.
9 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71411

>>70881
I find this thread interesting because I feel the same way. What/who/why do you think is causing the world to be so fucked up?

Anonymous 71417

>>71411
Not the OP but I think most of our world leaders are a lot more narcissistic than the average person. Who else would crave attention and power that much? I honestly think brain scans and mental diagnoses should be mandatory for politicians.

Everyone else is either narcissistic themselves or dumb "sheeple" who prefer to stay ignorant.

Anonymous 71438

The world is fucked because people are fundamentally fucked. we're just animals with greater brain power than the other living things we share the planet with.
Sin, more precisely the 7 deadly sins are what drive the awfulness of the world. I'm not even religious, I don't believe in god but sin is absolutely real. Sinning may not send you to hell but it brings suffering and ruination to not only yourself but the people around you. To live a non-fucked life you must be wise about sin, especially pride. You can't change the world without changing yourself first.
people might say this post is cringe and edgy but I don't care, what I've said is true.

Anonymous 71447

>>71417
Why not create an army to storm the world leaders and hunt them down? I think a lot of other people in this world could say the same thing about them.

>>71438
I'm not religious too but yeah I feel the 7 sins can be applied to a lot of people in charge of this world. Ideally I'd like to find a way to have them held against their actions soon.

Anonymous 71449

>>71447
The only people who would sign up for that are dumb or narcissistic and want their own chance at power.



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Dealing with paranoia (and other stuff) Anonymous 71422[Reply]

I'm writing this on my phone, so excuse any typos, etc. I'll break this down in a couple paragraphs.

>Haziness

A month ago or so my mom asked me if I wanted to go on a vacation with her boyfriend and his family. I didn't want to, she made puppy eyes, said the stereotypical "it will be good for you!", and I ended up agreeing because I am a massive idiot.
A month passes, I regret ever saying yes, and just tell her I'll skip the trip this time. She's upset, we argue a bit, and she wins over me because I have no energy to even open my mouth and talk.
That's common these days; feeling heavy, slow in the head, all my thoughts slowly become muddier. I struggle to talk to people. There's nothing I want to say, there's nothing I want to do, there's nothing I can concentrate on. It's like I'm seeing the world through a layer of blurry glass; like I'm touching things with a heavy pair of leather gloves in my hands.
Having a proper conversation or reading a book seems unthinkable, it's so much effort I'd need to nap for 10 hours. Writing this, as it is, it's already very hard.

>Too many fucking people

Now, going back to the trip, what I didn't expect about this so-called vacation is being surrounded by so many strangers. Me, my mom, her boyfriend, and 10 fucking strangers in the house. I can barely tolerate being around my family without feeling paranoid, so you can imagine how I feel when I have to share a living space with people I never met before. I can't catch a fucking break and It's all taking a toll on me. I just feel… unsafe. They're all nice, sure, but I just can't stop thinking that it all must be a trap. I can't use the computer they have here, because I'm sure it's keylogged. I can't shower in peace, because I'm sure bugs will come out and cover my entire body (or, alternatively, one of them will open the door and yell at me.) I can't go out or look at any of them in the eye because I know what they think about me, how disgusted they are, how much they want me gone. It doesn't matter where I go or what time is it, there's always someone watching, listening, recording, waiting.
It's just terrifying and I want to rest so, so bad. Hell, I want to masturbate, but I can't because I know they will know. While I was writing this my phone turned off, how is that not a sign that they don't want me to publish this?
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71440

>>71439
Yeah, I have. Sometimes I just hear mean things but no one actually said it. I have a mean brain.
Thank you again and I'm counting the seconds to be back home! Hope you get many years of rest and solitude , you deserve it.

Anonymous 71441

>>71422
>How would HE know if I'm hallucinating?
based on everything you've said here it seems likely that you hallucinated that.
>my sanity was never in question ever before
really? maybe not openly but I mean, if this was the first time you're experiencing severe paranoid episodes you would probably be more upset about it. my first impression is that you've been suffering for a while, that thoughts like [a bunch of strangers are watching or even recording me for no particular reason] aren't all that new to you. your boyfriend must have noticed that you do this sort of thing, unless you are long distance.

Anonymous 71442

>>71426
>your boyfriend sounds like he's gaslighting you.
anon, it's not gaslighting when the person is actually insane. OP has detailed her paranoid fantasies for us and also refers to her state as paranoia so she's aware that something is wrong with her perception. don't be a redditor.

Anonymous 71443

>>71441
I have frequent (more than once week) paranoid episodes but hallucinations aren't as common. I usually don't know it's paranoia or a hallucination unless someone tells me. Although sometimes I think they this is not real to coddle me and make me feel at ease. Like, it is real but they want me to rest. Or take advantage of me. Depends on the day.
My boyfriend is aware of this but he usually never tells me "it's not real", but rather tries to help me get rid of whatever is pestering me/plays along…
I wish I could get rid of this. I can't shake off the bad feeling no matter how much they tell me I'm safe.

Anonymous 71444

>>71443
Sorry for the odd phrasing my head hurts. My point is that I know it's not real because people close to me tell me so, but I also doubt them sometimes, too. And that I wish I could stop thinking about this.
I'm off meds and it's hard sometimes.



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Anonymous 71367[Reply]

Told my online discord male friend that I spent New Year’s Eve getting wasted of champagne (made for parties) by myself in my room playing video games with toxic people and being toxic in video games because I’m bitter and hate people being part of a group that I’ll never be accepted in, and he said that it’s probably the highlight of my year lol, he said it was sad and that he didn’t wanna hear about it .
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71412

He doesn’t sound like a friend to me. I’d ghost him after that.

Anonymous 71413

Sorry that happened to you anon. I’ve learned the hard way that you should never mention that you spent Xmas/birthday/etc alone to anyone nor let anyone see you alone on these days. People are so weirdly judgemental about people being alone.

Anonymous 71423

>>71369
I'd bet my liver she was hoping it'd go like:
>boo hoo nobody loves me I have no one in this world.
>nooo my queen I love you so much (as a friend haha) you're so perfect.

OP, I think you overestimated your relationship with the guy, he clearly doesn't see you as more than a casual acquaintance.
Also, you're never going to be a part of a group by being a bitch towards people, and you're only being a bitch so that you'll have an EXCUSE as to why you're not included.
You're terrified of being rejected despite trying, which is why you act like a bitch so that you have something else to blame, it's a coping mechanism.
t. been there

Anonymous 71435

All male discord "friends" I made never gave a single shit about any of my problems, they only wanted to vent at me about their life.

Anonymous 71450

maybe he doesn't want to do free emotional labour



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phrases to use when standing up for myself? Anonymous 64323[Reply]

Hi girls. Sometimes my bf will do or say something that I'm not comfortable with, and I get so scared of making him upset or worried that I don't tell him my feelings. I feel like it's easier to just accept it than break the barrier of voicing my thoughts. I also get scared to invite him to do things I think are fun because if he doesn't like it I'll just feel anxious and responsible for him not having a good time.
Obviously this is a problem and not sustainable but I literally don't even know where to start.
I grew up in an environment where telling people my needs didn't get me anywhere so now I feel like it's pointless. I don't want it to be a pattern in my relationships but I can't stop, it is drilled into my being to just accept whatever happens.
:( Help Me
7 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 70651

UPDATE
we are still together and it's going great but I still don't have any pics and at this point it is WAY too late to ask. I'm considering asking my friend to stealth take a pic of us if we ever hang out together

Anonymous 70652

>>70651
Losing my mind at this anon. Please just ask him, I don't think it's ever "too late."
You do sound like a sweetie though.

Anonymous 71345

UPDATE

He dumped me, thanks for being part of this thread with me everyone <3

Anonymous 71346

Just say what you are thinking. Don't try to find the right words. Just share your stream of consciousness with him. Just be very simple and straight-forward.

>I like that movie. Do you want to see it with me?

>I am not comfortable with you doing this. Please don't be angry at me.
>Let's take a picture of us

>>71345
woah okay
my condolences
I guess asking for a picture was bit too bold after all. lol

Anonymous 71361

>>71345
i was similar place anon my ex dumped me yesterday. u will find a guy who you’ll be comfortable around (-‸ლ)



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Pornsickness Anonymous 71164[Reply]

I became addicted to extreme pornography when I was a preteen. I was also heavily involved in porn-centric communities online up until last year. It fucked up my brain. I have explicit sexual thoughts running in my brain, against my will, all the time. I’m a virgin at 30 because exposure to hardcore porn made me terrified of sex. I can also only get off to rape fantasies. I avoid porn nowadays and I also tried therapy, but it hasn’t really helped.
Anyone in the same situation? How do you even deal with this?
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71229

>>71164
I have a loving partner who wants sex regularly, but I'm addicted to porn, I prefer masturbating to it than sex. I thought I'd want sex but I don't. I'm similar to you, I got addicted when I was about 13. I never actually masturbated til I was 16 because of weird puritan things my parents told me about. Actually I used to just watch videos of sexual acts that didn't involve sex, because my parents never outlawed that, just sex, they always made me avert my gaze from sex scenes in movies.

But yeah I'm addicted to porn, I've 'given' it up a couple of times, but I always come back. The only way I managed to stop was just to become so busy and tired that I had no time for it. With a partner now, it seems even harder, because I can't forget about sex or masturbation. The only other way to stop is to just stop, I know this as well as it's psychology 101. As soon as you 'forbid' yourself from indulging in an addiction, you want it more. All you have to do is tell yourself "just one day without it, I can have it tomorrow, I can have it whenever I want, but I want to go one more day without it today". That's what I'm currently trying. Sorry for the incoherent ramblings.

Anonymous 71267

>>71207
>i can't even get a hookup on apps (i know they're bad but i don't have other outlets)

Why can't you meet men organically, may it be irl or online ? Are you socially isolated ? You may want to work on that first, before being able to feel healthy attraction towards males (or women), and get rid of the porn addiction. Always remember that having an addiction is a symptom of several life issues. I only believe in holistic recovery from addiction. If you don't fix, one by one, the other problems you have in life, you will never be able to get rid of that addictive behaviour. Even if you manage to get rid of your porn addiction, you will probably replace it with another.

>>71229
>I have a loving partner who wants sex regularly, but I'm addicted to porn, I prefer masturbating to it than sex
You're right, having a partner won't magically cure your porn addiction. The "manic pixie dream boy" simply doesn't exist. Do you feel more pleasure when masturbating than when having sex ? If yes, your addiction is correlated to this sexual frustration. Ofc, watching porn only exarcebates the initial problem, it's a vicious circle. The problem is that the easiest way to have more pleasure during sex is to mimic porn acts… it sucks.

Anonymous 71294

>>71267
>Why can't you meet men organically, may it be irl or online ?
not into men, dykes tend to have small dating pools especially when words like "lesbian" have been watered down to include transvestites and whatnot

>Are you socially isolated ? You may want to work on that first, before being able to feel healthy attraction towards males (or women)

i work full time, but am too busy to do things like go to clubs or the gym or hobby meetups. i am capable of visual attraction to women that isn't rooted in fetish but it's not explicitly sexual, but i figured that's something that would take time to develop

>and get rid of the porn addiction. Always remember that having an addiction is a symptom of several life issues. I only believe in holistic recovery from addiction. If you don't fix, one by one, the other problems you have in life, you will never be able to get rid of that addictive behaviour. Even if you manage to get rid of your porn addiction, you will probably replace it with another.


i agree with you, but i am >>71181, and in that post i mention i never touched live-action porn, i avoid those things now unless i see it accidentally on twitter, and tried to mask my shame with radical politics in the past. i also don't fit the typical description of a "porn addict" since i never masturbated or orgasmed to it, and i'm not reliant on porn to orgasm, it's just that my past indulgence in it has tainted my mind and therapists either didn't understand or thought my thoughts were "valid coping". i did trade my sexual obsessions for purity politics and trying to think for myself is something i'm working on now

Anonymous 71338

>>71267
>Do you feel more pleasure when masturbating than when having sex?
It honestly depends on the day. Sometimes sex feels great, but I'm never able to orgasm, it's like I psychologically choke. I think I prefer masturbating because it's more comfy; sex takes more effort and if I'm not in the mood then it's hard to get me in the mood.

Anonymous 71355

>>71164
The thing that stops me from looking at porn is the fact that there's a 50/50 chance that a random porn video is infact rape, childrape, nonconsensual videotaping or revenge porn.



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feeling like a teenager Anonymous 71151[Reply]

I'm about to turn 22 next year and it scares me
I'm in my first year of uni (dropped my previous major) and while there's only a two year difference between me and the others (some are old though) I can't shake the feeling that I'm so far behind them
They're renting their own flats while I'm living with my parents
I don't feel like an actual adult,
it's not that I'm emotionally stunted or something, I always felt more mature growing up and I believe it to be true to an extent
I find a lot of people my age and older to be immature and childish
But I don't feel like an adult, maybe it's because I was bullied growing up and didn't get to live out my teenage years?
I just feel like my youth is escaping me even though I'm doing all I can to make the most of it
I feel like I'm both sheltered and have been through too much
Maybe I'm just going to try online dating to pretend I'm like everyone else
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 71249

>>71247
Samefag but I have the same discord troubles. I feel like I move from group to group always feeling like a drifter lol. Lots of places give me "secret sex dungeon" vibes.

Anonymous 71250

>>71248
Heh, glad you found friends on it though… maybe if I weren't so terrified of meeting people online when I were younger I wouldn't be so lonely.

>>71249
Exactly the feeling I get lol. I join and everyone's already good friends with each other and I feel like the third wheel while they discuss stuff I don't care about.

Maybe I need to try Bumble BFF again. Last time I checked, it was all hyper normie girls looking for party buddies. I'd be fine with an introverted friend, or anyone other than a party-type normie, but with all this covid stuff no one wants to meet, and if they do they want you to be vaxxed.

Anonymous 71255

Pretty much this tho. I'm in my mid 30s, married with 3 kids, and as far as I can tell I'm the same person I was when I was 12.

Anonymous 71256

>>71255
I think this is normal and how most people feel. Most people feel like kids trapped in an adult body. My grandma complained to me that she feels like a teen but she looks in the mirror and sees an 80 year old.

Everyone at every stage of life feels kind of out of their depth and like a fake adult. I think it's cos we spend our first 20 years as a kid, so "kid" becomes our identity.

Anonymous 71335

>>71151
Wow are you me??? Turning 21 in a few days and I'm going through the exact same situation :/



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