/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Does anyone else have issues with their father?

last year around this semester i took a leave of absence from college because of my depression. ive been learning to deal with it in better ways since then and have grown from that experience and used that time to know myself more and work on my art.

now that the new semester is starting im feeling those old feelings again. the past week has been rough and ive been going through my lowest lows. i attended my first semester since my LOA and it was good so i dont know whats wrong with me but i just cant shake this overwhelming despair. the thought of going back to school brings me so much anxiety and makes me so sad.

theres a part of me that says i dont have to and that i can just drop out right now, that life is meaningless and if im shit thats okay. i want to just stay in my room and die. i think of all the time ahead of me and i cant bear it.

i dont really know what to do, i just want to do nothing and not exist. lately ive just been painting nonstop..my hand hurts but aside from sleeping its the only way i can stop thinking. im turning 21 this year and i feel the same way ive always felt, the emptiness is always there and every day i still feel like kms. i dont know if anyone can advise me, but i guess if u have similar experiences id like to hear? lets be here for each other.

>be me
>need attention and validation from strangers to not cry in the middle of the day
>get attention from strangers and friends
>feel uncomfortable, spill spaghetti, etc.
>repeat as infinitum

What do miners? How do I upgrade social gains? What are you supposed to do when strangers smile and are nice to you? How are you supposed to respond when a guy likes you but you don’t like him? I just feel like I’m always doing it all wrong

Anyone else /feel/ like this?

I've never met a man that had a shred of empathy, even when they are "depressed" it's all about ohhhh no I will never have this 10/10 asian stacy suck my penis or waaaaaah women find men who are taller more attractive, do they care about love or friendship or anything deeper than sex and social status.

non-femcel anons please answer this question.

How do I stop doing this? This is just so terribly wrong of me and I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know if I'm bpd or something.

When a boy/person I'm interested in makes me even slightly jealous, even the implication that they might have a 'side girl' or be flirting with others, I just have a meltdown and consider self harm/suicide (i dont threaten them with it, just keep it to myself. i am not trying to be manipulative with this, its out of my control) and instantly consider this person not an option any longer.

same with when they make me feel ignored/neglected/like they don't like me - this one boy I really like ignored me when I said hi to him and I just instantly felt this wave of horrible feelings consume me, I walked into class feeling like dying/etc.

I hate this part of me so much and this clearly prevents me from having any normal relationships. I've never had an irl boyfriend before. I hate this very much and don't know what this is.

I try very hard to look, act, and dress completely normal. I wear hoodies and jeans and bean boots in different colors pretty much every day, don't do crazy makeup, wear my hair in a bun, etc. and yet people stare at me like I'm a weird freak and laugh.

I've stopped going to most of the restaurants I like around my school because I tend to go there like every day and the people always laugh at me. The other day I walked out of the bibimbap place last week and one of the servers (she's Korean, I'm black) stared at me and then when I said hi to make it not so awkward she just stared and then started talking to her friend on the phone. Then when I ate there again today that lady started talking to her friend and laughing while she served me and gave me that weird look. I looked at how she served other people and she didn't do anything like that with them.

Today in class I asked a guy casually if the professor had taken attendance, he stared at me like I was speaking Chinese before just saying "uhhh no" and walking out quickly.

Am I so ugly that people literally feel the need to gawk and laugh and run away from me? What do you do about being a freak? Should I just retreat from society? I don't understand people. Can anyone relate?

When I was a depressed NEET a few years ago I started reading old literature to cope. I found a writer I really identified with and started reading about his life, too. After a while I started to dream about him, and was a little obsessed. I'd daydream about being born decades and decades ago when he was still young and alive, meet him, and we'd fall in love and be together. Sometimes when I was in worse mood I'd think about killing myself and meeting him in the afterlife kek.
I think I fell in love with "him" and this feeling lasted a long time until I broke free from neetdom.
I want to know if what I went through is common at all… Maybe it isn't and I am a freaky weirdo, but I want to know if anyone here has ever had any similar experience.

Hi all, posting here rather than on a forum for anonymity.

For context, I'm currently a college senior at a top university in my country in Asia. Not gonna reveal too many details, but basically it's a school full of people that are wealthy, smart, or both.

There are lots of things happening in my life (young adulthood and graduation are transition periods after all) and for the most part I'm happy with where I currently am.

I am content with being average. although I am fine with being average, and I am currently contemplating to disinherit myself to become a monastic, I don't think my family or the people I'm surrounded would appreciate it.
I feel pressured to excel, and it does not even have to be an explicit, verbal thing. Because of my background (above), it is very easy to feel insecure when you're acquaintances with the children of businessmen, politicians, scholars, celebrities, artists, athletes, musicians, etc. It is easy to brush away insecurities regarding famous people, brushing off their beauty or glamour as 'photoshopped' and 'curated.' But I find it not so easy at all, in my case. When you go to class with actual models, national athletes, and teenagers that have start-up companies… even some of our country's presidents are alumni of our uni. It's frankly a surreal experience.
What makes it even more surreal is that seeing these people as acquaintances just going about their day, their day-to-day lives aren't that far of a stretch to the ones filtered and manicured in a social media profile. Another thing is that many of them are unaware of their privilege. While there are always those that are jerks about it, a lot of them are just so… "humble," or at the least, "innocent" about it? Real conversations I've had with my classmates on their experiences such as: 'oh i lived in 5 different countries growing up because my dad's a government official,' or 'yeah I placed on a national scholastic competition when I was younger. it was ok' or 'i do practice every week because i compete for the national team' etc. to name a few.
The thing is, they're so unassuming and nonchalant over their achievements and privilege you can't even hate them for it. The humility might just make one admire them even more.

I think I have some qualities that aren't bad at all, but I still can't help feeling inadequate by comparison to my (very skewed) social circle. I do not want to bring my friends down, buPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anyone else self harm(ed)?
>Why
>How
>Advice
>Have you ever been caught?
>Do you want to be caught?
>Do you try to leave scars?

Okay, so I'm going to attend a uni party this Saturday in a house. I'm in love with this dude for like a year so I thought that if I meet new boys at this party I might get over him. Any tips on being more friendly, making more friends and maybe finding a bf. I'm a tall, socially awkward female and I'm at least a 6/10. Any tips on how to act and what to wear in general?