Why does it seem like most submissive men aren’t truly submissive, but instead are just channeling their lazy behavior into sex? I relish in being dominant from time to time but it’s exhausting when every time I feel like I’m centering the whole experience on his fetish, even when I’m not into it. It just seems like a manifestation of his depression or insecurity or repressed traumas into our sex life, which isn’t his fault. However, it’s annoying when I’m always taking the reigns because of one time where I was more dominant.
It doesn’t feel like truly submissive behavior. It just feels like him wanting me to tie him up and spend as much time as works for him pleasuring and indulging his very masochistic tendencies. I don’t even like being physically sadistic, and inflicting pain, but he loves it more than anything. There’s no real submission to me, and no real dominance over him. The dirty talk he wants is always forced and awkward for me, because it makes me feel awkward to verbally degrade him all the time. I’m fine with indulging this fantasy every so often, and I even like it from time to time, but it’s so exhausting when he always wants to submit to me on the bottom and be pleasured. And I love him, so I’m not letting something like sexual compatibility ruin our loving relationship. But I’m avoiding intimacy like the plague because I’ve been so exhausted by it for weeks. It doesn’t feel like my needs are met at all and it’s making sex feel like labor, or a chore.
Again, I am definitely a switch. I love taking the reigns. But I don’t even get off, even when I’m masturbating myself. It’s just so performative and strenuous and annoying for me. I’m even beginning to be resentful of submissive behavior from him in general.
And the worst part is that he has the rare dominant streak- and I don’t even want dominance sometimes. Sometimes I want loving missionary sex. But it feels like my options are blindfolding him and giving him blowjobs until he’s satisfied and goes to sleep, or being bent over a cabinet and fucked like I’m a whore. I don’t even want the latter. I’ll do it and sometimes it’s really good, and enjoyable for me, but I don’t want either extreme. I just want to enjoy sex without indulging a weird fetish. Sometimes, in his more vanilla moments, it’s really enjoyable. These are few and far between, but happen. But then he always goes back to “submitting” halfway through and I’m left slapping and abusing him when I hate it.
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