I am really worried that my boyfriend doesn't love me as much as he used to. He seems to be kinda absent-minded, when we are together. I fear the passion in our relationship is dying out. I still love him with all my heart, so it hurts to see how he is distancing himself from me. We don't hang out as much as we used to. He doesn't like texting, so I try to not text him as much anymore, even when I feel lonely. I often cry, because I fear a breakup is imminent.

I wish I was better at relationships. Better at seducing men, not being so emotionally dependent on them and making them addicted to me. I seem to have missed that class in girl school. I am just an awkward boring girl, that doesn't know what she's doing.

>trying to find a therapist for disordered eating
>"I am fat positive"

Fucking kill me I am slowly killing myself with this binge eating cycle I'm stuck in and don't want to hear fat positivity. I don't know If I can find a therapist with similar values

In the last two or so years I've noticed a drastic shift in my behavior when it comes to interacting with people - especially in groups or with strangers - where I'm either withdrawn and quiet at best, or outright arrogant and surrounded by an air of pompous grandeur and biting sarcasm at worst, and I don't really know how to change to be a more lighthearted, honest version of myself like when I was a teen.

I had a recent ex (they're unimportant but still relevant for context) who was a social go-getter, with one thing we shared in common being that we were both judgemental badmouthers and gossipers, and yet he was very socially successful and well-liked despite being goofy and honestly quite clumsy in social settings while keeping his rougher edges confined behind closed doors. Deep down I was very frustrated that he was so successful when I was clearly better than him socially with more emotional-intelligence and subtle charm, yet felt too insecure to address it because I thought of myself as better than some fool on the spectrum with a cocky attitude and so resorted to humbling his ego and calling out his own faults to compensate.

I think the fact that I have less and less of a filter as I get older is what is ultimately hurting me the most, possibly more so than the judgemental attitude itself? I have very high standards and expecations of others at this stage in my life (as I do of myself), but are they too high and do I need to get off my high horse? How do I learn to let my guard down when I'm absolutely terrified of being used and exploited by others like when I was younger?

My family acts like our dad is a normal nice dad even though he abused us and our mother for decades as he’s an alcoholic and abusive “father” I don’t know if it’s wrong or not that I reject my father when he tries to act like a normal dad to me when he isn’t, he tries to come around me and make casual conversation as if we’re normal father and daughter. The rest of my family however somewhat enables him in the sense that they can ignore the death threats; the physical scars and abuse he left on us and our mother? I don’t know, maybe I’m the crazy one? Forgive and forget, don’t really know. My mom is also a degenerate but she’s the easier one to love, I just love my mom so much ahhhh. Are there other anons here with equally both shitty narcissistic mom and dad? I feel like my moms my daughter sometimes, I’ve been told I “baby” her in a sense, but she deserves it because she’s never had it, I’m going to follow her to her grave

Ive genuinely never understood how people can stay so passive and not be completely crushed by how fucked up the world and people are. People tend to have strong worldviews but its like it only matters to them when the subject is brought up and otherwise it doesnt impact their life. Noone is shaken by the fact that everyone around them is putting on a facade and lying to eachother.

I'm writing this on my phone, so excuse any typos, etc. I'll break this down in a couple paragraphs.

>Haziness
A month ago or so my mom asked me if I wanted to go on a vacation with her boyfriend and his family. I didn't want to, she made puppy eyes, said the stereotypical "it will be good for you!", and I ended up agreeing because I am a massive idiot.
A month passes, I regret ever saying yes, and just tell her I'll skip the trip this time. She's upset, we argue a bit, and she wins over me because I have no energy to even open my mouth and talk.
That's common these days; feeling heavy, slow in the head, all my thoughts slowly become muddier. I struggle to talk to people. There's nothing I want to say, there's nothing I want to do, there's nothing I can concentrate on. It's like I'm seeing the world through a layer of blurry glass; like I'm touching things with a heavy pair of leather gloves in my hands.
Having a proper conversation or reading a book seems unthinkable, it's so much effort I'd need to nap for 10 hours. Writing this, as it is, it's already very hard.

>Too many fucking people
Now, going back to the trip, what I didn't expect about this so-called vacation is being surrounded by so many strangers. Me, my mom, her boyfriend, and 10 fucking strangers in the house. I can barely tolerate being around my family without feeling paranoid, so you can imagine how I feel when I have to share a living space with people I never met before. I can't catch a fucking break and It's all taking a toll on me. I just feel… unsafe. They're all nice, sure, but I just can't stop thinking that it all must be a trap. I can't use the computer they have here, because I'm sure it's keylogged. I can't shower in peace, because I'm sure bugs will come out and cover my entire body (or, alternatively, one of them will open the door and yell at me.) I can't go out or look at any of them in the eye because I know what they think about me, how disgusted they are, how much they want me gone. It doesn't matter where I go or what time is it, there's always someone watching, listening, recording, waiting.
It's just terrifying and I want to rest so, so bad. Hell, I want to masturbate, but I can't because I know they will know. While I was writing this my phone turned off, how is that not a sign that they don't want me to publish this?
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Told my online discord male friend that I spent New Year’s Eve getting wasted of champagne (made for parties) by myself in my room playing video games with toxic people and being toxic in video games because I’m bitter and hate people being part of a group that I’ll never be accepted in, and he said that it’s probably the highlight of my year lol, he said it was sad and that he didn’t wanna hear about it .

Hi girls. Sometimes my bf will do or say something that I'm not comfortable with, and I get so scared of making him upset or worried that I don't tell him my feelings. I feel like it's easier to just accept it than break the barrier of voicing my thoughts. I also get scared to invite him to do things I think are fun because if he doesn't like it I'll just feel anxious and responsible for him not having a good time.
Obviously this is a problem and not sustainable but I literally don't even know where to start.
I grew up in an environment where telling people my needs didn't get me anywhere so now I feel like it's pointless. I don't want it to be a pattern in my relationships but I can't stop, it is drilled into my being to just accept whatever happens.
:( Help Me

I became addicted to extreme pornography when I was a preteen. I was also heavily involved in porn-centric communities online up until last year. It fucked up my brain. I have explicit sexual thoughts running in my brain, against my will, all the time. I’m a virgin at 30 because exposure to hardcore porn made me terrified of sex. I can also only get off to rape fantasies. I avoid porn nowadays and I also tried therapy, but it hasn’t really helped.
Anyone in the same situation? How do you even deal with this?

I'm about to turn 22 next year and it scares me
I'm in my first year of uni (dropped my previous major) and while there's only a two year difference between me and the others (some are old though) I can't shake the feeling that I'm so far behind them
They're renting their own flats while I'm living with my parents
I don't feel like an actual adult,
it's not that I'm emotionally stunted or something, I always felt more mature growing up and I believe it to be true to an extent
I find a lot of people my age and older to be immature and childish
But I don't feel like an adult, maybe it's because I was bullied growing up and didn't get to live out my teenage years?
I just feel like my youth is escaping me even though I'm doing all I can to make the most of it
I feel like I'm both sheltered and have been through too much
Maybe I'm just going to try online dating to pretend I'm like everyone else