I'm tired of being around women. It's depressing, boring, heartbreaking. Every female space I go, it's all the same: discussion of abusive relationships, unquestioned heterosexuality, "beauty" tips, self-loathing, gossip, bitterness, and well-accepted hopelessness.
Women talk about how ugly, inappropriate, fat, and revolting they are. It's so, so boring. They talk about fashion and make-up and the moral implications of either. They view the world like a movie where they're both the director and the starting actress, carefully planning every move and choosing every angle in order to create magic. If I'm uglier than she is, she'll look at me with pity and try to "improve". If I'm prettier than she is, she'll look at herself, then at me, then at herself again, and she will compare us, letting me know how my existence is a threat to her sanity.
Most, if not all, the conversations I have with women don't pass the Bechdel test. They talk about their men, and how much they hate these men, and how miserable their lives are by their side. They'll spend hours complaining about male behavior, and will not have the self awareness to realize that they can live without them. I'm tired of seeing them wear themselves out for some being that I see as so below me I don't even waste time considering, let alone allow him to take over my life. He's ugly and a loser, he's boring and stupid. Are they all blind? Am I going crazy? Can we shut up about these men and talk about anything else?
I want to discuss my hobbies and the things I learn and the things that shape my world, and yet all of it gets derailed and frowned upon. I keep getting affected by the venomous conversations most women have. They all make me feel like I'm too much or too little, as if I'm some failed subhuman parody of a woman. They don't listen to me, they just enforce their authority on womanhood to try to correct who I am.
Whenever I talk to another woman, I find my mind filled by self-hatred, vanity, obsession, and resentment. If I ever bring this up, I get shut down as a "NLOG" and "not feminist enough". Well, then I don't want to be a feminist if feminism means uncritical consumption, holding women to impossible standards while praising men over the bare minimum, sexism, male supremacy, shallowness, and hostility. That's not feminism to me, that's just using the "women must support each other" in order to avoid change.
Why is it wrong if I tell her I find centPost too long. Click here to view the full text.