/feels/ - Advice & Venting
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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Update to rule #7: 08/17/2018


Anonymous 15593[Reply]

I'm going to get married!

I don't have friends here and I don't have anyone to tell the good news, so I decided to tell you girls. I've been here since the start so I'd like to share this happiness with you girls. I hope all of you can find a SO if that's what you want, and if you already have one, that you can be very happy together.
18 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 15945

What are you gonna do when you're older? When everything starts failing on you and you've got nobody left?

Anonymous 15953

i see a lot of people not understand marriage and the like. for the people I know who married its like your not getting married your just saying this is my best friend and I like them so much I want to be with them as much as possible. it's basically being roomates with your bff for as long as you can. sure shit happens but thats life sometimes it falls apart and then a divorce happens. one successful marriage i saw was that they never moved intogether in one place. the dude kept his apartment and my friend owns her house they split all the shared bills and he stays with her most of the time but when work is shitty he stays at his apartment near the job since the commute is like next door. their cute but its weird.

Anonymous 15962

For most of human history marriage has been a social contract for men getting sex, women getting materially provided for, raising children and ensuring they have access to their biological parents. Recently it seems like people have the idea it's more like a public declaration of a loving relationship. From observation of my own parents and other boomers, only the ones who have traditional ideas about marriage are still married… (my own parents aren't even in that camp.)

Anonymous 15966

thats why i said i see a lot of people not understanding it. marriage is no longer a social contract as it once was at least not in wealthy countries among wealthy people. It is more of a status symbol than anything else. i know more successful families where the parents never married but may as well be whatever that marriage by being together for so long thing is.

Anonymous 16405

cute jupiter loli.…

that's beautiful anon


warm cold weather feels Anonymous 16312[Reply]

It snowed yesterday and the snow had me in a mood to wrap myself up in my comforter and to just watch the snow fall from the window. I wonder if we can have a comfy cold weather thread…

Let's discuss being warm physically and emotionally when it's cold outside! Post your warm feelings about the cold weather, winter, and/or the holiday season! Fav thing to do in the cold weather? What's your fav warm meal/drink? Fav things to wear? How do you stay warm?
2 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 16322

I dunno about op but we just got a solid 3 or 4 inches in southern Ontario. Really good snowball snow too.

Anonymous 16334

Unfortunately, I never thought of taking a pic of it unless I’m outside… Maybe next time there’s a nice snow I’ll post a pic!

OP here! From NY. Also how on earth do you make an igloo? I’ve always wanted to make one, but fail at any attempt at creating one…

Anonymous 16337


I live in the CA bay area. Everything is on fire and people have to wear masks rn because the air quality is so bad.
Winter is my favorite season but these past years have almost felt like an eternal summer.

Anonymous 16340

You need a couple thick plastic buckets which won't break when you compact snow inside of them. If the slow isn't compact-able you will need to put some water every time you make a brick. From there you make snow bricks and lay them down in a circle leaving a gap for the door then fill in all the spaces in between with snow. Then you keep on layering snow bricks on the circle kind of leaning the slightest bit inwards until you are done.

This is not a real igloo however more of a snow-gloo. Real igloos are made with ice bricks.

If the snow is the really icy non-compact-able and you don't want to bother adding water to make bricks. Pile up a giant mound of snow and use your body to compact it and then and more snow and repeat. After the mound is big enough you can dig it out and you have some sort of non igloo snow fort.

Anonymous 16353

I’m in southern Ontario and it’s pretty snowy here right now. Once it’s just lightly snowing I like to go outside and ho for a walk in the forest near my house and just watch the snow fall. Nobody really goes outside while it’s snowing and the snow muffles all the noises in the forest and it’s so peaceful to just Listen to the waterfall trickle and watch the snow. Once I’m pretty cold I go back inside and drink some hot chocolate. Idk maybe this is kinda weird but it’s nice when I have nothing to do


I'm stuck Anonymous 16315[Reply]

how do I tell if I have BPD or if I'm just unhappy with my relationship? I feel like I want out so badly but at the same time I sabotage all my attempts to break up and try to convince myself that we are good and the only reason why I feel so frustrated with him most of the days is because I'm broken

Anonymous 16326

To have BPD diagnosed you have to check off on 5 or more of the symptoms, I guess. That's a good start to tell.

Anonymous 16333

How, when just reading the Wikipedia list, all symptoms seem very generic and like stuff a lot of normal people would do as well? Do they manifest more intensely irl than what it says online or?

Anonymous 16344

I check pretty much all of them but at the same time I justify it to myself saying that I'm just frustrated with him because I don't love him anymore. We spend way to much time together (we share apartment, job and all friends). I don't self harm but I punch the wall as hard as I can when I have panic attacs so it kinda fits. I know I have abandonment issues and feel like this is pretty much why I can't let him go.


why am i like this Anonymous 16257[Reply]

my ex of two years got a new girlfriend in feb (i only found this by breaking no contact and going on his facebook page) and i'm so angry and upset
jesus fucking christ i'm pathetic

Anonymous 16258

It's ok to feel sad. Don't feel bad about being sad; it's gonna be ok

Anonymous 16259

Because you invested so much energy into the relationship.
Relationships aren't the world y'know. Completely forget about relationships for a while and gather some new interests, hobbies. It won't be long before someone better comes along.

Anonymous 16306


thank you both, i still feel pretty sad. i'm in a relationship at the moment and have been for a year and i feel so awful that i'm still beat up about my ex at the same time. i love my partner so much yet i guess the hurt from the previous relationship is still healing


Anonymous 14928[Reply]

What are your first names? Do you think you have a cool/beautiful name? Do any of you have femcel names that hurt your confidence like Agnes, Larkin, Prudence, Helga, Gertrude, Mildred, Bertha, etc.
58 posts and 9 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 16291

HAHA tfw ugly femcel with femcel name

doomed from the start

Anonymous 16293

Everyone but Dad calls me Cate, so I am ok with the older name

Anonymous 16294

My parents gave me an ancient Persian name and no one, and I mean no one else has it.

Anonymous 16296

Are you Iranian or something? I guess the name Darius enjoys some popularity in the anglosphere but I can't think of any other Persian names that do

Anonymous 16301

No, my dad was getting a history degree and liked a name from some 19th century book an Persia. Mom liked it, too and boom!
I’m named after the Anglicized version of some princess.


Ethical question Anonymous 16023[Reply]

if someone you know is cheating on their significant other or spouse would you alert them ? one of my former friends is cheating on their spouse and has told me she is with them only for financial reasons. i've kept it a secret but i feel so bad about that. we aren't friends anymore and i feel like i need to be ethical about this situation and tell their partner. what would you do if ou were me? As a side note, I've never met the guy she's cheating on the husband with, but for what she has told me he's very abusive towards her and yet she's planning to wait until she can sue her husband for alimony so she has the money to get this other guy to where she lives and live off her husband's salary. I think it is disgusting but should I get involved since we aren't friends anymore? i haven't told her husband yet but i'm preparing to do it
20 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 16149


no more excuses, do what is wright and tell him

Anonymous 16194

So by your logic, if you were walking down the street and saw a guy getting mugged, and then you see where the thief goes hiding, you wouldn't tell the guy because "you don't give a shit about him"? Nice view on life you have right there, hon.

OP hasn't mentioned the reasons of why they stopped talking to the wife, so who are you to call OP immature, petty etc?

My last relationship ended because he cheated on me. All cheaters are pieces of shit. People: break up with someone before you cheat on them. Show some respect for the person who was with you through high and lows.

10/10 jimmies ruffled.

Anonymous 16229

So by your logic, if you knew the person was gonna get mugged you wouldn't tell them but wait until they get mugged to tell them where the thief has gone?
Nice view of life you have there, hon.

From what it sounds like OP knew for a while this girl was cheating and didn't do shit.
I'm just saying it's interesting she wants to do something now that they are not friends.

Anonymous 16232


Anonymous 16287

I agree w >>16137 Why did you wait until you were not friends to develop a conscience? You clearly didn't care when you were buddy buddy with her but now you guys had a fallen out and now its suddenly ~not okay~ in your book? It's gunna be a no for me dog. You both are trashy people and it seems like karma caught up with your friend quickly cause now shes in a abusive relationship. Serves her right.


Anonymous 16102[Reply]

Why can't I find a bf who is into anal?
Does anyone else have this problem?
36 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 16242

She wants to peg him you FUCKING RETARD

Anonymous 16243

If you loved someone you would not traumatize their internal anal sphincter

Anonymous 16244

Stimulating his prostate comes with a risk, but so long as he consents the reward is worth it.

Anonymous 16245

Ridiculous comparison. AIDS risk for heterosexuals(and lesbians) not involved with needle sharing is so astronomically low it might as well not exist as a disease for us. AIDS is almost entirely their problem and not ours and it's more from the hypersexual degenerate and reckless lifestyle of theirs. If I was going to contract AIDS from anal I'd get it from PiV from the same man.

Anonymous ## Cleanup crew 16254

Moved to >>>/nsfw/1454.


/sad/ Anonymous 16180[Reply]

I've been trying really hard to stay clean, responsible, and kind but I feel like no matter how hard I work to be the best me I can be, it'll never be enough for someone to love me in the way I want.

Any samefeelanons or advice…?
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 16186

I've heard that before… and I've tried to, but it that's not enough for me, I just end up doing nothing and rotting away. I don't just improve to improve. I need a problem or something to confront for me to find the need to improve, and the one I've found feels insurmountable. Thank you though anon.

Anonymous 16190

Then frame it as "be better than your past self"?

I also think to some extent the idea that people find others when they aren't looking or solely focusing on it is true. Finding other sources of confidence will shine through and people notice that.

Anonymous 16193

I'll try it anon… thank you

Anonymous 16224

Try asceticism and meditation.
A good book on meditation is The Mind Illuminated by John Yates.
Try praying 5 or 15 decades of the Rosary every day as a meditation.
A good way to start asceticism is to try and not commit any sins by keeping a sin journal.
Also try reading Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill there's an audio-book on YouTube.

Some would argue, what defines us is habit. If you want to change, learn to control your mind and form powerful positive habits:

1. Changing a habit is simply making yourself conscious of it and then avoiding it by thinking or doing something else instead the instant you find yourself doing it.
2. Creating a new habit is as simple as spending 5 minutes on it every single day, never missing a day, and watching as you slowly start to invest more time into it.
3. Use your powers of introspection, what's triggering you to think/do something with Pavlovian response. Write these down and find ways to avoid these scenarios.

Now there are two parts of the mind: conscious and subconscious. The subconscious has full control of your body and all physical senses but has no self determination, it only does things depending how impressed it is by them. On the other hand, the conscious mind is powerless but contains your conscious will. Your subconscious acts as the proxy between the environment and your consciousness. The only thing which allows your subconscious to act according to your conscious will is how well it can impress your subconscious over the impressions it receives from the environment. How this is done is by your conscious mind creating an strong intention and holding it until the subconscious conforms. This intention must be more vivid than that of the environment otherwise it will not work.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 16227

awesome post, thanks


Uncomfortable Vulgarity Anonymous 16059[Reply]

Recently I sat for maybe 30 minutes at a study/rest area outside a classroom waiting for a lecture to begin. Some other students I am faintly acquainted with were already there when I arrived. Shortly after, a graphic conversation developed among them which involved lots of raunchy banter and demeaning comments about previous sexual partners. They were loud and many of their remarks were actually rather cruel.

Is it normal that I found this experience slightly unsettling? Or am I just an uptight loser?

Anonymous 16060

It's not something you're used to, and it's okay to not be used to things. It's probably for the best, all things considered.

Anonymous 16078

It’s totally normal and fine to be uncomfortable with this. Others have only been desensitized. It’s bad

Anonymous 16155

What was the gender ratio among that group of students?

Anonymous 16181

Like 1:1

Anonymous 16182

you're fine


hate how guy/girl friendships r rare Anonymous 3740[Reply]

anyone in college and found it super difficult to make friends because it's like a horrid pattern of, a guy will "be friends" with you, but then when they learn you aren't interested in dating them, they bail? I feel incredibly worthless and I know I am not, but it's gotten to a point where I feel futile in my effots to keep friends. Currently i've made friends with a gay couple, but gays…they have this way of making everything about them? like they don't care that much about what a girl experiences, which is understandable, but it still sucks.

I'm in a STEM field so that's why it's difficult to find girl friends.

also, i feel super ashamed of myself because i used to date guys just so i could still be friends with them, even though i'm not even attracted to men whatsoever. i hate myself

pic related because I wish I was doing this on purpose but i'm not. guys give me shit for not telling them sooner that I'm not "into" them but like, when the fuck is it appropiate to tell you i don't want to date you? that's rude as hell to just be like "btw, i'm fine with us being friends, but no more than that".
57 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 16036

I mean, I asked one of my friends why he asked me out and he pretty much told me
>There is literally no reason I can think of not to date someone you would be friends with if you're both single and don't think they're physically unattractive.
I think guys just see relationships differently, and if you wouldn't date them you either think they're ugly or don't want to be friends. So from their perspective "let's just be friends" is the same as calling them ugly, which is understandably hurtful.

Anonymous 16175

Well that line of thought seems incorrect.
Guys who have girls constantly flocked around them gain instant value.

Anonymous 16176

Is that not how other girls think?
Darn tootin if I'm friends with a cute guy and we get along and are sexually compatible I'd boyfriend him asap.
I agree, what reason can you think of? Unless you're staying away from relationships for academics/work.

Anonymous 16177

Sometimes you're just not into them. Maybe you just have low self esteem or something?

Anonymous 16179

If they fit those three criteria, not really. And my self-esteem is fine.
I mean, ideally he'd have some other traits as well, but if I'm physically attracted to a guy and we have a nice dynamic I can't see myself being disinterested.
Otherwise, as your friend said, it's because I don't find him attractive lol.

God, I'm absolutely befuddled by this.

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