/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I was a hikkineet for five years depending on how you count. Longest consecutive time was four years. I've been in school/employment for… four years now I realize. I lost nearly everything and I will never fully recover, but I'm back on track now.

I don't know what to say other than that it's horrible but also that it's possible to get out of. Though I'm not sure I can give advice on how to do that, I'm sorry.

day 2737e73 of being unemployed and i opened an onlyfans bc no shitty retail job is responding to me. was forced to move back into my parents house bc of this pandemic.

at least my friends are being very supportive about whoring myself out, but i do have that 2% feeling of its just them putting up a nice face so i dont kill myself or something

>How has your day been
so far i've switched back and forth from tabs of threads - which i have been doing the past two months. haven't relapsed this bad, probably ever. started my period, which was a month plus late. so it's just a usual day.

>Woes
no solid friendships. i have this issue with speaking to people, even family members or new & old friends, where i just can't bring myself to respond. if i do, it's hours later at best. hypocritically, i crave a connection that provides care, companionship, and a no judgement zone. it's spiraled me into a very deep hole. while i have my own interests and have even thrived on my own in the past, it's emotionally & mentally unsustainable. and there's no way to make friends right now.

>Things I've achieved lately
i don't think there is any. i made myself food the past couple of days!

>Fears
right now i don't feel much fear at all, but i do worry about my current actions.

>Goals
there are a lot of things i have to get done, and i have soo many goals, but it's all suppressed under whatever this awfulness is.

midway through typing this post, i made a bath with chai spice local honey and rice milk.

>How has your day been
quite mundane and dull, ive sent my cv to a couple of places but honestly i don't have much hope at all
>Woes
Worries related to covid and how that's going to affect my student life and wherever or not i'll really even be able to enjoy myself or find people I can get close with
>Things i've achieved lately
I've recently gone shopping for groceries but that's it really
>Fears
definitely covid and that i'll basically just have to be a neet again
>Goals
I want friends, a proper social life, I want my skills in writing to be better and I want my relationship with my boyfriend to be stronger

>>23207
what do you mean by one of those x charts in /hb/? that sounds helpful to me but i looked and can’t find what you are talking about

>>44101
b- but i like doing them…..

>>44102
What habbits specifically?
Each habbit needs to be tackled differently.

>>44103
I don't know why I wrote "habbit" lol.

>>44100
If you want to do something extreme, try camping with no electronics for a week.

If you want something easier, spend a day with no electronics at all. You don't have to do anything else, just no electronics. Once you get over the initial boredom you may find something surprising.

>>44100
You increase your focus by focusing.

There is no willpower that can be increased, only the continuous application of will.

Go on a girls only dating site and replace her.

>>44065
If the relationship goes sour so will your friendship. Do you have many other friends?

sorry for the shit formatting i’m on mobile :(

>>43884
>i made friends
>it's been 2 days
Gosh you are so adorable.

Did you just start uni?
If so, just so you know the people you are currently friends with might splinter or leave later on. Just make sure you have more than one option as you might end up part of none of the groups that form later.
Also try to make other friends not related to your current group.

>>43886

i did a year ago and spent all of last year without friends :(
it’s been two days since i’ve started talking to them, the year started a couple weeks ago

Yeah i’m trying, i have some people i talk to occasionally about academic stuff but it never clicked, with these girls i feel really accepted for who i am so that’s why i’m scared

>>43888
You know what literally always works? Just be nice. I have literally never met anyone who hated the one friend in each group whose defining feature was “she’s nice :)”. And every group has one, trust me. Of course being respected is another thing, but if you get known as the nice one you’ll always have friends

>>20927
Feeling alone in a relationship is never fun, and isn't right!

I get the whole clingyness thing. There's just hardly any verification to support what trust you have. Instincts are kicking in and screaming at you because this LDR thing is all new (from an evolutionary/instinctive point of view) .

At the end of the day your mental health comes first and you're the sole guardian of it. do what you must to bring yourself to a better place. My edating past was difficult to overcome but we all need to do it or we'll end up old and alone. because LDRs that started online fail 99 times out of 100 anyways.

my strategy towards reforming is being happy with myself, loving myself, and leading a good life. why do I need a partner across the ocean in order to do that?

I got out of a multi-year relationship with someone who lived on another continent and I can't recommend it. Great highs are followed by devastating lows, especially if you both work and your schedules never line up, and then after a while you carry your resentment over into the real life meetings because there's this pressure to make the most of it.

Needless to say we grew apart and ended things.

How can I move on when there's no one irl like him? I want to end it so badly but I know I'd just be miserable, he's very husband material- someone I would definitely spend the rest of my life with, someone I am hauntingly compatible with. We're both poor to see each other, I kinda wish now I never met him if I cannot make myself get interested in irl men anymore.

The US/Canada border lockdown is killing me. I know it’s necessary and I agree with it but it’s so agonizing not being able to see the one I love.

>>21975
>>21975
Same story. Our separation was amicable and we're still cool and mature with eachother about it, but there was definitely a bitter taste left for both of us. It's tough as hell making a cross-continental relationship work frankly due to the time zones.

Susan you have to quit the fucking job

>>43823
Tell your boss you don't want to fuck a married man. You won't tell anyone, but you don't want anything to do with it anymore.

However, keeping the job will be more trouble then it's worth for your friend. While I understand the need for income, her work situation will increase in drama no matter what from this situation. There will never be a return to the normalcy before, it's too late for that. Either she should accept a drama-filled workplace, or find work elsewhere.

"ay ya cheeky cunt, we was having a go at it but be we gotta break things off, ya?"

either have a quiet word with him and then threaten to report him for harassment if he won't stop doing/saying inappropriate things OR just find a new job and ghost him.

>>20343
Its seems like you have a desire to feel better than other people, particularly those different from you. I have problems with this too and its probably pretty common among most people. It can be a pretty difficult urge to fight sometimes, I know I fuck up all the time and get angry or frustrated by people when they do something that seems dumb or silly to me.

Ultimately nobody really chooses who they're born as and the environment that led them to be who they are, and its best to try and not think of anyone as being a worse person than you, including the worst people. Learn to forgive other people for being different or bad (obviously don't let them take advantage of this). Apologize if you've been unfair to them. Try and catch yourself when you realize that you're trying to be better than somebody else and instead try to empathize with them. Understand that they're a person just like you.

And of course, make sure that you also forgive yourself when you make the mistake of being judgmental or egotistical. Its a pretty natural human response and I myself still judge and lose my temper at people all the time even though I know its not good for me. You're a human being with flaws and that's okay.

>>20370
Wow sorry, I forgot I made this. I don't actually think I'm better than anyone else, and I look up to my friends in a lot of ways. Rationally I know that their views are just as legit as mine and we're all just trying to figure shit out, but I just can't maintain a feeling of closeness.

Being overly and uncontrollably critical of others can be a result of trauma, did you know?

http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/ShrinkingOuterCritic.pdf

I'm not saying this has to be it, but if the critical voice in your head feels 'separate' from you and you don't like it, it's likely to be a maladaptive psychological mechanism like that

>>43776
You know what, I read that and I think that really helped. I was aware that what I'm doing is most likely projecting the way I criticize myself onto others to protect myself from disappointments through impossibly high standards, but having it spelled out like that with advice on how to break the spell really did something. I'll work on following through with the steps described and I'll do more research. Thank you.

Maybe if other people's POV wasn't so shitty you would be more accepting of their stupid opinions.

>>43512
You are afraid of being a failure, so you dont even wanna try. this is 100% irrational and unintentional. You need to become more tough and accept things as they are.

>>43512
What do you do that’s self sabotaging? For me, I’ve found it helpful to dissociate and create like an older more mature copy personality of myself in my head, that I turn on whenever I need to do adult things

iktf

>>43656
I actually may try this. I did this for most of my childhood to avoid traumas and was considered “gifted”, then shifted back into my real self to be happier in my mid teens but all that did was make me a failure and disappointment. It’s fine to return to Zero Space

i can relate OP, every time i think about it i started getting pissed at myself for not doing better

Dating is so awful, getting to know someone is so awkward, it takes too long to get comfortable around them, have to go through so many embarrassing situations. I hope my bf never leaves me so I never have to date ever again fuck that shit.

>>43797
Are you socially stunted or just pretending to be retarded?

>>43805
or maybe what you said doesn't make sense…

>>43808
It wasn't even my post, but it made more sense than yours

>>43809
wtf is your point. either say what is so rude or fuck off

>>41714
discord, not twitter.

>>41714

You need to put yourself in an online public setting like a game, a hobby group, forum and interact with the people there until you find some people you resonate with, then abscond with them to your own private group or maybe you get invited to one of theirs if they think you're cool and they want you there, though some people treat it more like collecting random internet people than a coherent group to feed their egos so watch out for that.

>>42022
>discord

The amount of fuckbois in the public servers there made me lose my mind like holy FUCK they're so brazen and nobody gives a fuck not to mention the IM grooming, jesus christ how is discord even allowed to exist.

Rant aside I use it to keep in touch with my closest friends in our own separate and private group where no one gets invited, I IM 4 others directly

>>42028
>The amount of fuckbois in the public servers there made me lose my mind like holy FUCK they're so brazen and nobody gives a fuck not to mention the IM grooming, jesus christ how is discord even allowed to exist.
Join female only server, good server with a specific topic you enjoy, or vetted servers and you shouldn't be having any of those problems. It's not omegle, you can actually be selective about the people you interact with.

I think it's pretty similar to making friends in general: be someone that someone would want to talk to. Have interests or passions that you can talk about; ask questions and be interested in the lives and passions of others. Most people won't be someone you want to be friends with, but the only way to find those people is to put in the work of getting to know people and being someone that people would want to know.

After that, it's just being in the places that would have the sort of people you want to be around, like discords, subreddits, tumblr blogs, imageboards for specific media or hobbies or ideas.

>>42016
>my friends are all high value people, the kind that get shit done, entrepreneurial, etc.
i desperately need more people like this in my life, where do you find them. all i'm surrounded with every day are dysfunctional, self-pitying mental cases who have no real interests or aspirations