/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I don't think I'm worth enough to date as a female

Unfortunately a fat nona here

Happens to me that I've been years living alone, I work at home and of course I'm depressed with no friends around.

I'm around my 30's so at my age trying to have friends is really weird, no one at my age wants friends at all and going to places alone suck, even going to the gym (ive got made fun of me once and decided not to go anymore).

I barely go out, I only go outside when I have to get my prescription meds.

Other than that the motivation to go out and have some sun on the skin doesn't exist.

How you do it nonas?
And yeah I eat like shit, I don't even try to cook sometimes since is depressing eating alone.

I barely shower either, I'm on my own filth and once per week I shower or 2 times per month (I clean myself tho, water and soap but I'll not get my clothes off and go under the shower).

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In your own words, what does falling in love feel like to you? How do you know there's a connection, a spark, a vibe?

Do people only use each other? Is wanting deep caring and true love that takes it slow without everything being obsessed with sex just a fairy tale? Are ideas of true love that never fades just overly idealized and is something that breaks her if she pursues it? She wanted to follow it, but it only caused her pain

People just seem to want the new burst of energy and honeymoon phase that comes with meeting someone new for the first time and the first few days together that forever shape the memories you have with them (you never forget the first few days) until they get bored and move on and become strangers as if you never met each other in the first place

What are you supposed to talk about on a first date, or when a guy approaches you?

There’s this guy at my university who I instantly was attracted to when I met him, I approached him, we exchanged numbers and texted a few times. I wanted to be in a relationship with him because I rarely find guys who I feel intense physical attraction for He told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now, but I figured I could just wait it out. I sent him a really long text explaining how physically attracted I was to him, not saying I wanted a relationship but that I’d be willing to wait, he didn’t respond so I deleted his number and didn’t text him again. I knew he went to the gym so I kept on showing up at the gym just to see him. I would just make eye contact on my way in, then run on the treadmill a bit, not approaching. Today I decided to go up to him and say something, and he told me to stop bothering him. I said ok and left the gym immediately. I guess I won’t be going to the gym again. It’s frustrating how none of the guys I like ever like me back. I was actually holding back how obsessive I could be. I guess my gushy text expressing how I liked his physical appearance was a bit overboard. I wish I was a normal person and not a socially reclusive broken retard. I want to kill myself so bad

you can literally send a guy nudes and he will be like "i dont think we should be more than friends" like what the actual FUCK. and im a fucking retard for actually thinking he was different from all the other guys and that he wasn't a porn addicted loser. like, im sat in shock i cant fucking believe it what the fuck is wrong with him. and then he has the AUDACITY to start venting to me about how he wants to kill himself, like i hope you DO omg

What was the most fun/creative date you’ve ever been on?

If you've never dated, what are fun/creative dates that you would like to have?

im sick of everything right now. i feel constantly alienated. i have this dull sensation of jumping into traffic or off balconies. i know im doing it all for him but at some point i know im a burden. i cant even put out. im a fuck up in every sense of the word and im probably going to drop out. the only thing i have is a yaoi addiction and a man who is too good for me.

Pa vents to me about ma, sometimes complaining, or telling me about their worries about money or her, sometimes his frustrations with her or our life. The things he tells me and says make me worry, I don't think I should be told half the things he tells me really, but I should support him and I do. But man, it's beginning to affect me like a pussy, I just am worried, ma's quit and changed jobs a few times now, isn't doing well emotionally and is having some bad moments, financial worries etc, call me crazy but frankly after all these conversations I've had with pa, where he tells me things that make me worried honestly (about our future as a family, our future in our house, upset at how he is criticisng ma sometimes to me for her behaviour towards him, or habits around the house etc, I don't know) and I won't say it's the reason I am not hopeful for the future anymore, but that's part of it. I've tried to remain positive but I don't have it right now, besides it's exam week and I'm struggling with getting started to hand my work in. Thoughts? I love my ma and pa, I was lucky enough to be able to have a pa again, as my 'father' isn't in my life for a long time now, and left when I was young, I saw him last 10 years ago. Damn you father, you fucked me over, I love you Ma and Pa, and I am sorry for doing what I've done, I hope I grow up and be better, you deserve better and I hope I rot in hell for my ugly, disgusting and destructive sins I've done in secret and to you. I'm sorry, and I know I've apologised to you many times but the worst part of it is I didn't mean it, but I wanted to feel important and like a victim or dramatic and I did stuff that was awful. Fuck reddit, no, fuck me for reading the victim stories and feeling inferior about not being a victim, idiot.