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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Anonymous 121969[Reply]

>his friends are liking his instagram posts, they must be cheating
>he reposted a tiktok, i think it's because his cheating partner likes it
>he's too happy, he must be cheating on me
>he's sad, maybe he's having conflict with his cheating partner
>that song can be interpreted as an relationship with infidelity, he's cheating
>his pupils are dilated, he must be thinking of cheating
>he breathes slower around strangers, he's cheating
>the murmurs he makes while sleeping could possibly be a name, maybe multiple, he's cheating
how do i catch my boyfriend cheating on me? i can't ignore the signs

Anonymous 121970

go through his phone

Anonymous 121971

>>121970
no i don't like confrontation is there a truth pill? i could drug him

Anonymous 121972

>>121971
nah not even the CIA could find a truth pill. well, thats pretty much how most people find out if their partner cheats. you can do it in sneaky ways, unethical but hey. if your intution tells you that hes cheating perhaps its time to break things off bc youre clearly stressed out, uncomfortable and dont find him trustworthy


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unsent letter Anonymous 121934[Reply]

You'll find that I'm losing myself more & more, not because I'm incapable of loving anyone else but you – but I'm forgetting you, I can't even remember what nicknames we had for each other unless I really sit and think, or if I go beyond my notes. I hate that I can't think of you and see your face anymore, your face is such a blur which is weird to say when your face is everywhere online. You and your friends can block me from your life, and you can think I can forget you but the fame you hold is to an extent where I can hear from you, or what you're up to. I wish one day you'll come home. I don't care how dirty you did me, all I request is a kiss

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how do I begin to heal Anonymous 121912[Reply]

I'm sure the subject I'm using has been posted here at least a hundred times but I believe this a slightly more unique situation.

For context, I met this guy online. Keep in mind he's much older than I am. (I have a preference…) We met online and chatted for about 6-7 months. During that time, we discussed me running away with him. Sure, I'm ready for a shortcut to escape my issues. I'll take whatever opportunity you give me, Mr. Sir. December of 2024 is when that internet idea came to real life. I ran away with him. I smashed my devices and left no trace of where I was last or where I was headed. No note. No verbal confession of either. I left with my last words being "I'll see you guys later."

I went on the run with him. I knew he was being looked for by the feds but didn't think much of it considering he convinced me it was purely over some discord scandals that happened years prior to us meeting. Sure, it struck me as odd but it sure as hell wasn't my first time running into somebody in the mix with the law for the wrong reasons.

We fled together. He did not tell me where we were going initially while we were online.. understandable lol. I loved this man dearly. We had our hiccups but, we always managed to overcome them.. When we got in person I didn't expect abuse as he assured me that he wasn't that way whatsoever. I was wrong to convince myself he wouldn't do that to me as he did. I was gone for just a month and a half but it felt like years. I ran to escape the exact things he would do to me. Eventually.. the case went national as they figured out I was no longer in the state. The fbi got involved and we were found after someone gave them a key lead.. his "identity."
We were detained at different times. I'm not sure who was first. I was taken by undercover law enforcement from the place we were staying and questioned about if we had any "activity" together by male officers after requesting female law enforcement.. I guess that's the least upsetting part of the whole thing..
I was returned home after questioning and holding. I still lied for him and covered his ass. I was not giving up the truth for anything. Not long after I returned back to my state, the lead detective on my case contacted my family and requested to see me.. nobody would tell me what for. So, I began to worry and get ahead of myself. A very long and excruciating hour and a half later, they arrived and I was met with the question of hisPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 121913

>>121912
im so sorry that happened to you nona
i uh……………. have no words. im speechless.

but
>much older than you
>the feds were looking for him
>didnt inform you of where you were going
yeah these are some extremely huge red flags you never should have ignored

>how to heal
seek therapy. talk to friends and family. but most of all, promise yourself to never make the same mistake of ignoring red flags in men. you WILL heal in time, everyone does. and hes just some worthless faggot who deserves to rot in jail. he would just have dragged you down. i feel bad for his ex. what a disgusting creature

Anonymous 121916

>>121913

Really, I wish I had never ignores those signs. I was very clearly being decieved and allowed myself to fall into it. I loved and still love him and I do not know how to make these feelings go away. I guess the first part in healing is making these feelings go away. But I don't know how.

Anonymous 121918

>>121916
this sounds recent so it might take you months to fully process. try to occupy your time with things you enjoy doing like your hobbies or interests. i know this is very cliche advice but even just going to the gym 3 times a week can be enough to get you on the right track of trying to get your mind off him. try to seek out support groups of domestic violence. try to tell yourself that you were never truly in love with him, because like you said he was deceiving you. you were in love with a fake, made-up version of him. the true him is an abusive murderer, basically the lowest of the low. he succeeded in deceiving you because he found you in a vulnerable state of mind and manipulated you.
its easier said than done when youre experiencing something thats as emotionally taxing as this, but you just cant give up.

Anonymous 121928

>>121918
It's difficult to let go of something I loved so much. My heart aches to think about it. I've been worried I'm going to do something that is irreversible and it's eating at me. I just want to forget it ever happened and move on.


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looking for betterment advice Anonymous 118711[Reply]

I have pretty much no family that cares for me, I'm sure I've lost my partner at this point, I have basically no friends. And of course, it is my fault. I am extremely mean to the people around me and push people away with how insane and insulting I am.
I pushed my partner away because I am insanely jealous (over nothing) and I start arguments (over nothing) and I am extremely selfish. I do not want to be this way forever. This has gone on so long my partner does not believe I can change. I know I can change, I want to change.

I have nothing left, I'm afraid it is already too late to prove I can change. I have been seriously considering the obvious. What do I have to lose anyways? Who cares?

I just want to be better for my partner, I want to be able to have a healthy relationship. I want to stop being so mean. I want to change my behavior. Therapy and medication do not seem to help. I just do not know what to do at this point. I can't eat and despite only getting two hours of sleep, I am not tired. I am wide awake, I am starving, I am nauseous, and I am full of hate for myself.

How can I make myself better? I am a reflection of my mother and I do not want to continue living this way.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 118714

>>118712

I looked into it a little bit. Is this effective for someone who has bipolar disorder?

Anonymous 118721

>>118714
It was originally created for borderline personality disorder but people with ptsd or generally struggling with overwhelming emotions have found it effective. I’m not a great believer in talk therapy but DBT is more about building practical skills you can use everyday

Anonymous 118734

>>118711
>> I'm afraid it is already too late to prove I can change

How old are you? It's rarely too late for change

Anonymous 121910

hi guys.. OP here. He actually kidnapped me and is now in police custody for identity theft and evading police arrest for 7 years. I'm doing fantastic now! I'm going to be starting therapy and moving on with my life. I've definitely changed a bunch.

Anonymous 121911

>>121910
I don't believe you but I'd still like you to explain further


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Am I not depressed enough to get help or something? Anonymous 121823[Reply]

I understand obviously there's people with a lot more issues in their lives but I don't understand why I've been waiting so long for help despite actually seeking it out. Its been over a year without so much as a peep and I've been so super low it sucks. Do they want me to try to kill myself again or something? Do I need to go back to chopping up my arms? What's going to trigger them to get me the help I need?

Anonymous 121828

>>121823
What if you go and get help and then you tell us in this thread how it went? We will be here waiting.

Anonymous 121907

>>121823
Help is not coming. You must self rescue.


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Do you also feel like its humiliating to put on makeup? Anonymous 121759[Reply]

i going out tomorrow with some people from college and i feel like i should put on some makeup to meet them, but i hate it so much
not only i hate how it feels on my skin, ii also makes me feel like such a clown
im obviously doing it for others, for people that dont even really care what i look like, but it is what is expected from me and im so desperate to fit in that im willing to do it
7 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121798

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I try to get into makeup every few years but I always look like a desperate clown in the mirror so I wipe it off and give up. Trying to hide one's ugliness is more humiliating than just being openly ugly and not giving a shit.

I see all sorts of crazy transformations online and I wish I could look like someone else too, but I've accepted that you still need a specific kind of face that agrees with makeup, and that a lot of those tricks don't work under natural or overhead lighting anyway.

Anonymous 121864

>>121759
Don't fit in, stand out
It's the lack of confidence when you're not wearing any that makes you awkward, not the lack of makeup itself

If you are indeed rejected from a social group because of this it's a blessing not a curse, why tf would you want to be friends with people so shallow?
>>121772
This can't be real, reads like a fanfic

Anonymous 121890

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>>121760
Make up isn't art, it's a clown mask, it's society making you believe that your bare face is flawed and ugly, that you should feel bad with yourself for daring to go outside without hiding it, that you're you're dirty and unprofessional. There's nothing artistic about hiding every single feature that makes you you and looking like a carbon copy blow up doll like everyone else. You can't cry, you can't drink, you can't laugh, because "oh no, what if my make up gets ruined!" Make up prevents women from LIVING. Ask yourself why it's only women that are coerced and socialized to hate their faces and always paint themselves, to have panic attacks at the mere idea of going out and being seen without it, ask yourself why almost no man gets told the same, why they aren't seen as unkept or unprofessional or ugly. They can just go out into the world as they are and they'll still get respected, still get hired, still be thought of as hot, or at the very least just remain neutral. Men aren't spending all their saving on products worth thousands just to be "presentable", they aren't spending an unholy amount of time "getting ready", all it takes is being clean and dressing properly and that's it. Ask yourself why. Think of all the things you could accomplish if you started loving yourself while also saving time and money.

Anonymous 121895

Makeup is just the modern day western equivalent of wearing a hijab. Except you're not expected to cover yourself as protection, you're expected to doll yourself up for male gaze.
The only reason makeup isn't as bad is because the pressure to wear it is merely implicit.

Anonymous 121899

i used to feel that way when i wore unflattering makeup. i first started wearing makeup for a job interview at 19, but i found that if done correctly it actually made me feel more put together the same way that putting on nice clothes does. but there were many things that were quite unflattering on me that looked good on other girls. examples being darkening my brows/using any brow product so now i wont rlly touch them, any lip product that isnt glossy, sheer and light, as well as thick foundation so now i use korean cushion foundation. but needless to say, it took a little bit of trial and error to get there and now i wear very light/natural makeup but if you dont want to wear it then dont. i caved into pressure and i always wear it for classes and such, but if im just going to the grocery store i wont bother.


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How do I feel comfortable wearing makeup? Anonymous 121518[Reply]

I want to start dressing nice and wearing makeup but feel really uncomfortable and out of place doing it. It just feels very wrong even though I'd like to try. I think it's a combination of me being autistic with no social skills and never fitting in especially with other women, not having friends, money or going out growing up so never thinking about my own clothes until adulthood, being very boyish and being horribly bullied and outcasted at my all-girls secondary school so I felt alienated from anything womanly as a whole. Plus I'm pretty childish and retarded personality-wise so there's going to be a clash between the way I would present while dressing up and me naturally being annoying. Most of the time I only wear shirts/trousers because it's masculine/androgynous so it feels natural, I feel like I can be my retarded self and I put no effort in; I'm not very attractive anyway so along with my issues of feeling wrong for acting and dressing feminine, I'm terrified that I'll be mocked for it, like 'why does that ugly bitch think she looks good?', or 'why is that tomboyish autist wearing that?'. I'm far from a model but I don't want to feel ugly. I'd rather not try.

Tried wearing skirts and makeup a few years ago during college at ages 17/18 but felt horrible, I think I rushed into it and should've slowly started dressing nicer rather than coming in all dressed up one day but it still felt so very wrong. I still daydream about getting validated by my secondary school classmates all the time precisely because I felt I was so ugly, so retarded, so below them and so alien; I feel like going out dressed the way I've wanted to since I was a preteen would not only fulfil what I've always wanted to do, but also help fix my need for validation by feeling like I'm at least not autistic enough to only wear graphic tees and maybe even alrigth-looking.
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121550

People don’t really care, but as someone who was in your shoes I just gave up on makeup and focused on dressing “nicely” and skincare/haircare instead. Casual but still modest dresses in particular are great if you’re not doing anything active. Low effort to look nice in other people’s eyes and comfy. Just make sure to consider your body type when picking dresses out. Skincare is as simple as just using sunscreen in the morning and a moisturizer at night that you’ve found works. Hair care is just doing things like braiding long hair before sleeping, gently detangling during conditioning starting at the ends, and adjusting how often you shampoo (usually less often unless you have super straight and fine hair). It’s so low effort that it’s hard to feel bad about trying but the results work well. I get complimented on my hair and how I dress fairly often nowadays thanks to the little changes I made and don’t really feel bad about going without makeup anymore. My skin’s better off without it anyway.

Anonymous 121554

If I had the audacity to dress up I would but I've seen a lot of girls in my position with aweful makeup and dress sense. If I cringe at it then I'm sure others would too and I'm not confident that I wouldn't make horrible choices.

Personally, I tried stepping it up just a little, I changed my jeans for Hakama style pants and then started wearing some thin patterned scaves. That made me feel a little more flowy and feminine in public without putting my gangly body on display.

I kept everything a muted palette to stay under the radar.

Maybe just make some baby steps in the direction you're hoping for.

Anonymous 121591

>>121518
>I'm terrified that I'll be mocked for it
As another hyper-tomboy autist I can tell you that literally no one cares or thinks this. It would take someone with a personal vendetta against you to think this but if you don't have that kind of enemy then don't even worry about it. Granted, it may surprise others but I don't think they'll be saying all those awful things you mentioned, but really no one ever says anything.
I don't really wear anything girly but starting small does sound like a good idea. I think a long skirt would be the easiest to transition to from my experience.

But I understand where you're coming from (though in my case I just gave up entirely on girly stuff for a different reason), I struggled a lot during hs to make friends like every socially inept person does, and my family especially my mom started blaming it entirely on me being so tomboyish and the way I dressed when we didn't have to wear the uniform so it made me extremely insecure and self-conscious.
I then changed high schools and no it turns out the issue wasn't really the way I dress or my interests like I was made to believe, sometimes you just don't vibe with people and that's ok. I was able to find really good friends in that new high school and we'd have a good time hanging out and having fun and they'd dress way more feminine than I ever could and it didn't matter that I contrasted with them. One of them is my best friend to this day and she has the nicest family.

I do advice you to start making an effort even when you dress tomboyish in the way that you should think about dressing nicely. Try a different type of shirt that's not a graphic tee (not that those can't look nice but they're a bit too casual, I feel), look for some nice pants of different colors or fits and don't forget to get some stylish shoes that you like and go along with your other outfits. Experiment a little so you look a bit more interesting too. Dressing nicely, even if not super girly goes a long way. I also take good care of my long hair and that always brings me compliments. It's about doing what you can to look nice, not what you don't like to look nice imo.

Anonymous 121738

>>121518
I feel the same as you..
sometimes i get so paranoid about how i look i cant even choose clothing that i like bc all i think is people judging me. probably because of school trauma

Anonymous 121891

>>121518
Then just don't do it. You said it yourself, it makes you uncomfortable, you tried it and you didn't like it, you already have a style that feels good and works for you, so why change? Just because society says that a woman should be uguu pinky cutesy wutesy feminine girly pop?? Fuck that, you can do whatever you want, don't pressure yourself into doing things you don't want to just to conform, it'll only make you feel worse. I'm also autistic, so I understand the discomfort, disconnection, and sensory hell that makeup and tight "girly" clothes can bring, but trust me, you simply don't have to, erase the idea of what a woman "should be like" from your head. Be free and happy.


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Anonymous 121881[Reply]

Is it justifiable to break up when you dont feel the spark anymore. this my first relationship with my bf and its the same for his we have been together for 8 months now and i just dont feel like it anymore and im too afraid that i might hurt him when i tell him i dont kinda want to be with him anymore. It was fun for the first 2 months i felt this warm feeling in my stomach but after that it felt mundane and repetitive and not as exciting anymore im not sure if i lost my love for him but i didnt even gave a defition of what love is to him but what he said to me is that he also lost the spark to but every single day he keeps choosing me because he said that love is a choice not a feeling and even through ups and downs no matter what he said that he will always choose me but im not too sure i agree with that since i just dont have that feel anymore to him also he didnt turn out to be the guy who i thought who he was which disappointed me ideally. During our first date i made scenarios in mind my on who hes going to be and he wasnt that guy, i mean hes not a bad person i like and love him but i just dont feel like it anymore, he didnt do anything wrong to me he didnt put his hands or verbally hurt me its just that i think i lost my love for him. My co workers told me that its not his his business if i leave him since its my life and my decision and i deserve that someone who makes me happy

Anonymous 121883

>>121881
nobody "deserves" anything, that's toxic positivity crap. but if you're already unhappy after 8 months it's not gonna last so you might as well save both of you the wasted time and break up now. the beginning of a relationship is the best part and after that there's a slow decline. if the decline is already bothering you after 8 months imagine how bad you will feel in 5 years. big mistake to try to stick it out. after 8 months it's not full on butterflies all the time but there IS still supposed to be a spark.

so follow your gut feeling and break up. just don't sugarcoat or justify your decision with any magical thinking bullshit about "deserving" this and that. you know the relationship isn't going to last and you want something that will last long-term. that's a good enough reason.


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Anonymous 121833[Reply]

The man I had a one sided para social relationship with has a girlfriend now.
I should get a life!
I don't really want to get in a relationship even with the person I'm talking about
Idk what I'm even talking about
What is my issue
I want love one day and nothing the next 28 days
Idk idk idk anymore

Anonymous 121834

How do people decide if they want marriage or kids

Anonymous 121835

I need to read mangas with women like me

Anonymous 121876

this reads like you have avoidant tendencies. does this reasoning apply to other aspects of your life or only with love?

Anonymous 121878

>>121876
Mostly with love and friendships and human relations. With other things I'm very welcoming. I actually Irecently found out about my dad cheating ( he still does ) …so it has become worse.


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watery discharge Anonymous 121848[Reply]

the most embarassing thing just happened
i live at home with my family and i was wearing bra pants and a oodie – thank lord i did because i had 10 second non stop disscharge running down my leg. so embarassed because it was on the floor and down my leg luckily my oodie was worn because it literally saved me from my family seeing it

Anonymous 121849

Wear underwear

Anonymous 121850

does it rlly just run down like that without stop? ive never not worn panties

Anonymous 121869

i think you were pissing nona

Anonymous ## Cleanup crew 121877

Moved to >>>/hb/21750.


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