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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 09/13/2020

B6DED631-3E25-4119…

Weird relationship Anonymous 52686[Reply]

I’ve never been comfortable with my nudity because of my prime intimate relationship bc dude used me. And so it was hard for me to open up to anyone until last summer when I had my first time. We were really close to each other and I got attached. In January he broke up with me but we still have contact. However, it’s really toxic. I think I just still can’t get over the fact that he doesn’t love me anymore and the only solution my stupid brain sees is that he magically loves me again. We’re arguing almost everyday, sometimes I make anger him just like that. My behavior is more fucked up day after day. Since the breakup I’m so numb and I can’t say to move on. What should I do with him? Is it even rational to keep in touch after breakup?

Anonymous 52689

OP, you need to cut contact and move on.

Anonymous 52692

>Is it even rational to keep in touch after breakup
Generally it's not, especially in your case since the mascoid was abusive.
The only solution is dumping the fucking rubbish and cutting absolutely all contact with him. You really deserve better.

>>52689
Based advice.



25F8294F-8B9D-46AB…

long term bf failing school Anonymous 52634[Reply]

I have no clue what to do. I’m with my boyfriend of several years who is now failing academically. Hasn’t shown up to class since the first day in August. He was in a severe depression, and by the time he snapped out of it, he re entered when seeing how much there was to catch up on. He hasn’t done hardly one assignment. He’s planning on dropping out even though he graduates in one more year and I have no idea what to do with him. We’ve been together since we were teenagers and I’m getting so much secondhand stress. I love him so much but I don’t know how he’s going to get a job if he can’t graduate, let alone hold one down and actually manage to make a career with stable income. We’ve seriously discussed marriage after graduation and I have tried everything in my power to help him. He just isn’t receptive whatsoever. Every time he’s motivated again he loses it and gets very angry at the thought of even being expected to do school. He talks about killing himself if he has to do school, which is always an empty threat. (He is a devout Christian and suicide is deeply antithetical to his views.)
I know I sound presumptuous saying he won’t kill himself, etc, but I’ve been in this situation since August and know it better than I can describe. What the fuck do I do? My hair is falling out. He constantly compares himself to me even though I’m barely keeping my grades together now. He is really considering dropping out and being homeless after committing to me for years, committing to himself, and saying he wants to marry me. What the fuck do I do????

Anonymous 52635

You need to get him to a doctor and a therapist. You might need some therapy too.

If you're already doing that, you might need to break up if he is causing you too much stress. I know it's not what you want, but it's very easy for for depressive partner to make the other depressed too.

Anonymous 52636

>>52635
He has for a long time thought all psychologists and psychiatrists are quacks. I see a psychologist. I don’t want to break up with him at all. I think the situation has definite potential to improve but I have zero idea how to help him get to the point of improvement.

Anonymous 52638

You're sure that your bf won't kill himself, but the desire/impulse for suicide he's feeling is probably part of the same desire for escape from the situation that's causing him to not attend classes and graduate. For whatever reason your bf wants to get out of his current situation.

I don't know you or your bf so I can't say what's causing that feeling. It could be that he's been unhappy for a long time, that deep down he doesn't want this relationship or marriage, or that he's afraid of failing when he does take on the responsibility of having a real job and being a husband. If you don't know this either then it's probably impossible to get to the bottom of without input from your bf.

This is what I think from my own experiences feeling suicidal and seeing a therapist. I dealt with a lack of motivation and intrusive suicidal thoughts every day, but it was really just my desire to escape my shitty miserable job and collapsed life. Ultimately your boyfriend won't improve unless he commits to it and although you can help you can't fix him yourself. This sounds like a huge burden on you right now and it might be that it's better to end the relationship rather than going down with it.

I would say it's really important that you graduate and keep your own mental wellbeing. You need to make sure you secure that before you put your energy into helping your bf. I don't want to be too negative but even if your bf doesn't graduate it's not the end of the world: could he even make up for 7 months of classes now? Would he be in a fit state to work even if he did graduate? He can take a different path if he doesn't but recovery has to come first and unfortunately you can't make him recover (and you shouldn't feel responsible for that!).

Anonymous 52641

As someone who was depressed and wanted to kill herself because of school (highschool), the feeling won't go away until he realizes life has things worth living through the pain for.

The thing that pulled me out was literally anime and manga. I found some series I fell in love with and realized that if I had killed myself I would have never experienced this love, and that I will find more things like those in the future. I think he doesn't have a reason to live right now, or at least a reason that makes the pain of school worth it. He'll have to find his reason.

Also while I wouldn't have killed myself because I didn't want to make the people around me sad, I still wished I hadn't been born every day, I wished I could disappear and that nobody would remember me, if somebody had tried to kill me I would've let them, I didn't wear seatbelts hoping a crash would kill me, etc. I would recommend you to check if he has looked up any information on suicide methods online.



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lockdown rage thread Anonymous 52516[Reply]

Share your anger about the virus or the lockdowns
18 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 52623

>>52516
I would but 2020 and 2021 are looking to be the best years of my adult life, if not my entire life.

Anonymous 52624

>>52622
Have you tried contacting companies that aren't advertising for interns?

Anonymous 52630

>>52624
No, but wouldn't I just be bothering them?

Anonymous 52631

>>52630
Worst they can do is say no or not respond. Make a list of things you can offer and try contacting smaller places.

Anonymous 52637

>>52630
No. Answering emails about that is someone's job. They would be doing their job.



7D95E732-BC72-4970…

Anonymous 52532[Reply]

im such a weirdo but this girl i have admired on tumblr for maybe 4 years (i have kind of followed up on her life on and off as i used tumblr a bit) her boyfriend has followed me and been liking my posts and interacting with me and i feel so honored! i know its quite dorky but the boyfriend of girl i look up to finds me cool enough to speak to? so lovely.

Anonymous 52533

alienTrauma.png

>>52532

Yeah, this is definitely weird, and i bump this thread because i love Alien 9.

Look out for that guy to start hitting up on you though.



It's just a crayfi…

Anonymous 52386[Reply]

ITT all of us who wasted their lives because we didn't think we'd survive our twenties anyway and are now trapped in a hollow existence where our supposed "best years" are gone and it feels too late to start over so we're just trekking on until we either die or realize we could have turned things around 10 years ago if we started around the time we posted in this thread
Sister thread: >>>/feels/36

I'll start:
>30
>shit childhood
>academically promising but ADHD and mental health went unchecked because of my insane family situation
>only job experience is entry level shit, only worked for 3-4 years total
>never learned social skills, can't blend in
>didn't pay anything into retirement fund as you're required to in my country
>never thought i'd live past 25 (not just because I'm a depressed loser but also because of physical illness) and now deal with daily existential crises about my age and lack of potential

I don't want to sound like some normie but I really regret not getting better job prospects so that even in the time I wasn't able to work due to illness I could have at least had passive income.
I have intimacy issues and can't make a relationship work for longer than 2.5 years, I just shield myself off and get cold.
8 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 52488

>29
>didn't finish high school
>never got a job
>got into uni
>failed out
>abandoned all friends
>distanced from family
>depressed since childhood
>been waiting for my elderly parents to die before I kill myself
>they just keep on living through serious health complications
>considering telling them I got a job somewhere isolated, dating cards, messages ect. and killing myself

Anonymous 52489

>>52387
That's not true, you lying piece of shit. Get out. You have nothing to offer.

Anonymous 52497

2cec71161268a2ef69…

Fuck…this is too relatable and I actually came to cc to vent about this exact thing.

>27

>lived with my shitty, controlling parents until very recently because I couldn't afford to move out so I come across as autistic in social situations or anything that requires acting like an adult
>got mediocre results in school and college because I had untreated mental health issues and now my degree is useless because my results are way below what's expected of me for job applications, never really anticipated that would happen
>let myself go physically so I'm overweight and have chronic acne and a shit diet that's probably killing my insides but shit food and alcohol is the only thing that gives me a tiny glimmer of happiness between the long, long periods of feeling empty
>have no hobbies (so nothing that helps me pass the time or helps me make interesting conversations with people or even anything I could turn into a small business to escape corporate office life), I gave up any of my childhood hobbies as a teen because depression made me so exhausted and now I don't feel like I could pick them up again
>worked for a place for no/very little pay for years because I was so desperate to get experience/escape from being a shut-in (I literally thought it would be for a few months and I'd move on) but it hasn't helped me to progress in any way and I feel trapped there, I'm just trying to survive and it's just enough to keep me afloat so I have to keep doing it. I've been obsessively applying for other jobs but nobody wants my autistic ass (might actually have autism but can't afford a diagnosis and can't justify paying for it because it wouldn't actually help me in life)
>wanted to live abroad but have no language skills or savings, I feel the older I get the less of a chance I have to live out that dream
>attempted ||suicide|| many years ago but after meeting my boyfriend, I haven't tried since because I feel like I have to keep living for him so genuinely didn't think I'd make it to this age and made no plans for it
>pushed most of my friends over the years away
>parents keep pushing me to have children when I have serious menPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 52514

>>52386
The best years of your life lie ahead; always. Tell yourself this little lie until it becomes true. It is a cope, sure, but a cope is a protective psychological barrier. Without the cope, we cannot do anything of value, and thus the cope serves a net benefit. If you believe that the future will only bring good, then you will seek for the good in everything that happens to you. I understand this is guru hippy self-help shit I'm spouting, but it works. I'm not religious, nor am I even that spiritual. I just believe that things in the universe happen to benefit me, even if it doesn't seem so.

Everything that happens is meant to happen and you were meant to suffer (yes I know I sound like I come from a weird Christian cult when I say that, or it sounds like I'm someone spitting out fragments of Buddhist philosophy, but it's a thought you should meditate on). Now you're here, you wish you did something sooner, but you didn't, and you can't turn back time. You can start changing now, though. If you want to fix a mistake that you made 10 years ago, the best time to start is now. It's the only time to start. Some people take very little time to acknowledge their mistakes, some, like you and I, take a bit longer. Some never recognise their mistakes. We are lucky to know of our own foolishness, and once the feeling of having fucked up passes, you can start working on yourself. It's ok to feel bad for yourself, but don't indulge it, because feeling bad for yourself ultimately leads to sloth, and is in its own way a cope to justify not doing anything ever.

Your regret can be harnessed into motivation. The things you didn't do needed to go undone, if that makes sense. If you did the things you think you should've done, then you wouldn't be here realising that you didn't do them, and if you weren't here recognising that you should've done more, then you would never aspire to want to do more. It's like Jean Valjean in les mis if you've ever read it; had he never served so long in prison, he never would have had the life altering experiences that lead him on the path to good. Your future is all up to you, and only you can fix it. You're capable of becoming "successful", whatever you define successful to be. Just don't define your success by your looks/age, that's a moidcentric view of the world. To me, I consider myself successful if every day, I contribute sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 52517

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Im 24 and super scared this is going to be me one day. I became homeless for 3 years as soon as I left school and now I have my own apartment but a psychological disability that dictates I can't work or even go outside around people. I've never been able to work a single day in my life. I'll be 30 in 6 years. I've never even kissed someone I genuinely liked. All sex I've had was purely for his benefit, I didn't want to do it at all, I just wanted him to like me. I think a lot about the idea of wasting your youth and I've developed all these primal fears of aging that are a million times stronger than any aging fear I've had before. I'm obsessed with having some facet of me continue past death, and in the modern era, the only consolation comes in the form of being famous. My existence will only feel validated if I become widely known enough to be remembered. As suicidal as I am, I feel I can’t let go without earning a Wikipedia page that describes everything about me, cobbled together by interviews conducted by prestigious publications.

Learning to be 100% content single was an incredibly useful skill to learn. Now I need to learn how to be content being an unknown whose life will only have meaning to herself. I am a normal person in society, meaning I will probably not be remembered by many people after I die, and I want to come to terms with that instead of living in fear of this fact. I really don’t like my mother. When I look into the mirror and see my face age into her’s I feel sick, like she’s taking something from me. Seeing one of my parents look back at me in the mirror for the first time is a teenage memory I will never forget. I wonder if adulthood is going be more about looking in the mirror and seeing what my child will see instead.



an.jpg

Being needy Anonymous 52503[Reply]

WHY WHY WHY do I have to be so goddamn needy? I hate it. Every time my boyfriend takes more than 0.05 seconds to respond, I get paranoid and I think he hates me and that I'm a stupid bitch. I hate feeling this way but I can't help it. How do I cope with my partner having stuff to do that isn't chatting with me?

Anonymous 52508

>>52503
Get your own things to do which aren't chatting with him? You sound bored, tbh.

Anonymous 52509

>>52503
if you just explain that to him like one time, then he might say something that puts your fears to rest
it's not like it's an uncommon feeling, or even that it's exclusive to women
he'll probably understand it
what if you explain what you're worried about and he says something like, "no, I'm not going to just randomly start hating you, I really like you, why would you think that"

have you tried that yet?



rule of rose.png

Anonymous 40676[Reply]

Tell me about your unrequited love. Can be platonic, romantic, etc.

I'm thinking of stopping giving a lot to one relationship that I don't think will bloom beyond a friendship due to her being very insecure to show affection back in the way I need. Kind of hard for me to get done though, so I'd like to read others thought processes through theirs and what it's like now for you (if it continued or ended).
46 posts and 11 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 52232

I fell in love with someone I would've done anything for. Out of the blue she decided she was straight, rejected me in a pretty shitty way, and then came running back after her first straight crush rejected her. I realized she saw me as an escape plan the whole time, not someone to love.

It sucked and still sucks a year later. I understand you OP, it's hard to get over. My life is actually great otherwise, it's just that a part of me is still healing like a broken bone.

Anonymous 52234

I spend more of my time than i'm willing to admit jumping between new discord groups.
Because ive been part of many groups, I have a lot of "friends" who talk to me, but only one actual friend that I've known for like 6 years now that I actively message first.

I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but I fell for him and i'm genuinely afraid to ask him out now.
Like a year and a half ago I was sort of dependant on the high from cough medicine to get me through the day, and I took too much and blacked out. (I dont do it anymore) While I was out of it, I ended up shooting him a raw confession with plenty of typos. When I came to and decided to read through some chats, I noticed that he dodged even humoring my confession. He was like "Anon, i'll check up on you again when you're sober. But if you really need anything lmk"
Easily one of the most embarrassing things i've done that Still lives rent free in my head to this day.

I didn't bring it up to him ever again. I don't know if he dodged it because I wasn't in the right state of mind, or because he's genuinely uninterested in me aaah
I don't want to fuck up my only genuine friendship.

Anonymous 52235

>>52234
Well, he's interested in you in any way, since he still messages you first and keeps contact with you throughout all these years.
I he doesn't have a gf, maybe there is a chance that he keeps being interested in you because he also sees you as a valuable option, but holds back similarly because of fear to lose you as a friend.

The only way to be sure is take the risk and ask if he has any sort of feelings for you. Things probably won't be the same, but i doubt he will end friendship with you even if he rejects you.
But yeah, your friendship will turns into a torture of knowing that he will never be with you, or doubts and "what if's" eat out your mind, either way it's pretty shitty.

Also, don't discard people that don't actively message you first as "fake friends", they have their own lives and worries to attend to, but can be there for you if you seek out support as well!

Anonymous 52241

>>52235
As much as I hate it, everything you've said is entirely true.
I was kinda hoping that there would be another way to gauge his interest without having to commit to a confession.

I don't think that they're fake friends. I don't know how to word this feeling properly. I just don't share a lot in common with them, except being in the same server.
Their friendliness feels like that generic friendliness that you'd give to any person that isn't openly mean to you.
Sorry if I made it more confusing.

Anonymous 52491

I have this one internet-friend I‘ve known for a long time. Have been crushing on him and idealizing him for all my teen-years. I‘ve never met him. Although with the years my imaginings got more realistic, I‘ve never stopped thinking about meeting him and getting him to know. I wanted to find out, if I also would fall in love with him irl. We talked many times about meeting up but he was never entirely ok with it.
It always felt easy to talk to him and I felt incredible happy everytime.
Recently, I confessed to him and got rejected. He doesn‘t think it would work. Now I‘m left with a broken heart and wondering, what would have been if we wouldn‘t live so far away from each another. The worst part is, that I can‘t imagine loving another person than him. He is so unique and all that I wish for in a relationship is based on his character.



bijutsu000_56.jpg

art feel Anonymous 52475[Reply]

idk if it is because i am depressed but my already bad art is getting somehow worse ,which since drawing is the only thing i like doing (i wish i could become an illustrator)is making me suicidal

Anonymous 52476

Do you draw at least a little bit everyday? The muscle memory for lines and forms(not drawing knowledge, but line quality, perspective and forms) are like muscle strenght, if you dont train it will atrophy. but it's quick to come back to where you were.
I didn't draw for a month or so, and tried to draw again and hated my drawings, after a week of drawing a bit each day im back up again

Anonymous 52478

>>52475
is your art getting worse or are you being overly critical of yourself and hitting a rough patch? also effective ways of improving can really help you along, a lot of artists don't like that though

Anonymous 52485

>>52478
yeah,you mean fundamentals?
>>52476
ok i hope since i had some gaps due to life its that but i am not that hopeful

Anonymous 52490

Maybe your vision for mistakes has improved but not your hands yet. Your hands develop slower than your head. Which makes sense because you first need to recognize your mistakes before you are able to correct them. Just keep practicing and your hands will catch up again



296E8EB5-58D4-48E1…

Anonymous 52062[Reply]

You can’t be a femcel if you have a normal spine.

Anonymous 52063

31143584_p1.jpg

>>52062
Good thing I don't have that either and it only gets worse and worse from living a sedentary life.

Anonymous 52349

>>52062
Fix your posture



OOMuPfk.jpg

has ANYONE here cured their autism? And how? thank xoxo Anonymous 49784[Reply]

text
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 49799

Er4LmnsXAAAyon0.jp…

>>49796
>she didn't learn how to perfectly mask her autism after years of trial and error
amateur

Anonymous 49829

>>49799
trial and error is a very painful process anon, if you have successfully graduated from autism you have my admiration

Anonymous 49833

>>49796
It was a genuine question.

There is no real guide to masking because it's a very long process even for those who start very young. Either way, it won't change anything but your ability to blend in, and in the end you might find that's not really worth the effort even when you've learnt it. I certainly did not, the effort itself never goes away and only exhausts you from ever doing anything you may actually find worthwhile.

I don't believe autism is a superpower, rather that where nts have the opportunity to master multiple skills or areas of life, autists only have one. Which one is up to you, and if masking your way into nt life is it, then I have no less doubt you can succeed than with anything else.

Anonymous 49857

>>49833
It is very exhausting to blend in, it's at least nice to hear another femsperg admit it. I hope it's worth it. I love people deep down, just being in their presence, not even saying anything. Maybe that sounds weird. Do you think you just don't care about being around people, so socializing feels like more of a chore? And I also do not get why you think autists can do many things at once.

Anonymous 52327

maxresdefault.jpg

No, there is no cure. The cure in my mind is a family with a nice husband and my own job, and maybe 2 or 4 kids. I've tried online dating since I found myself unable to make friends as an adult. It's ok in the talking phase but I also have an ED and pretty bad body image in general it feels rough. I try to be transparent though, I ensure to do video call them numerous times, and I don't use filters.

I think I can't really date and form connections since I don't know how to explain to people I rock back and forth. Especially romantic potentials, most of them "ok" me or tell me that I shouldn't rock since sometimes it can be harmful (either to me or to furniture, however I've fixed that.) But I need a lot of alone time just to do that. And I don't like being seen doing it, not even by someone I trust since my family bullied and one still does even though we're both adults for doing it. I've given up on any dream of romance whatsoever because I don't think I can stop stimming for my free hours in a day.



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