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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Sexual Assault/Harassment/Abuse Support Thread Anonymous 988[Reply]

Discuss your experiences, your recovery, and help out fellow miners who have dealt with and/or are currently dealing with anything related to sexual abuse/assault.
35 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103258

I don't have an answer but I feel the same. I wish all fellow anons peace of mind in this aspect of their lives.

Anonymous 103260

I used to date a guy who only ever wanted to do anal even though he knew I didn’t enjoy it. He was a deranged porn addicted freak and I had finally had enough after a while when I finally realized I’d be happier alone than with him. He wound up getting arrested several months later because he tried raping another woman.

Anonymous 103278


Slay Nona, any scrote who's that into anal is a porn addicted freak. Only XYs feel something from anal.

Anonymous 103335

completely irrelevant but what animu is gif from please ty xoxo

Anonymous 103336

Dear Brother.


Period feels Anonymous 103294[Reply]

does anyone else feel extremely depressed/anxious a few days before their period?
i've noticed this occasional pattern in my mood, but unsure if it's a thing. usually PMS is depicted with feelings of anger.
in about 4 days im going to have my period and i'm feeling very down and hopeless for no particular reason, and i'm jumping to terrible conclusions about everything.

Anonymous 103299

i don't need hormonal disturbances to make me depressed and anxious

Anonymous 103307

Yeah I get like this sometimes. Usually I'll remember I haven't had my period yet and a little light goes off in my head. It's just hormones making my already down mood spiral even more. I either cry it out or ground myself by saying I'll be fine in a few days. I suggest finding ways to occupy your mind if you get in these moods and suspect it's your period.

Anonymous 103319

I get crippling insomnia before my period and no mood changes or cramping

Anonymous 103322

yeah i'm either horny or get dysphoric and want to kms but its fine after period stuff is all over.


alcoholic failgf Anonymous 103277[Reply]

>be me
>fail a year in college due to ocd and adhd undiagnosed
>so avoidant and failgirl that im too scared to check emails related to college, cant submit work or concentrate on doing it
>took this year to work for money and work on self and mental health, doc prescribed antidepressoids, feeling better
>depressed last few months, not told bf of a year that i was lying about college
>he's so perfect and doesnt drink alcohol. i need him as my tradhusband forever and ever. hes the best thing that ever happened to me. brings joy and adventure to my life.
>drinking about 4/5 times a week bcs stressful late restaurant job.
>btl of wine on free evening. couple high alc beers on a light evening after work. 70 cl vodka over three nights. 'hiding' from my family.
>it all comes to a head after a staycation w bf where im not drinking, i sneak alcohol from his dads cabinet hiding this from him. drinking quadruple measures of gin and fanta so i can feel buzzed through the evening while hiding it.
>empty stomach. being insane. he thinks im having a psychotic break and calls my mom.
>big intervention.
>im taking break from work and going to quit. referred to counsilling and an abstinence program. first councilling session today.
>i dont think my problem is that serious. i admit i have had a drinking problem the past couple months. want to never get drunk ever again.
>i do want to drink on occasions. i have an all inclusive with bf booked, it cost over 3k. know i can drink in moderation, went on all inclusive with mother at start of year and was normaldrinking.
>dont want to lose my perfect little man
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103284

You sound just like someone who was close to me before they died.

Drinking will destroy you, and you already know this but ignore it. As soon as things go wrong you turn to it and spiral out of control. The only solution is to cut it out completely, which again, you probably know but ignore.
I pity your boyfriend who had to discover your deceit in a panic thinking you were unwell. Now he has to worry about you anytime alcohol is near, anytime there is difficulty in life, like he is living with a bomb.

You are aware of what is wrong and what you should do. If you choose to do the wrong thing then do not pity yourself in the future.

Anonymous 103289

thank u.
i need to put this behind me the way im a slave to alcohol and 'feeling good' is pathetic

am drinking non alc stuff and gaming, doing pottery, walks, candle making and gaming :o)

Anonymous 103290

youre right nona
i blackout everytime i get drunk, hide my drinking from my family and bf and steal. i am not capable of moderation. thanks for the warning. i hope i heed it

Anonymous 103291

thank you thank you thank you for these words.
i need a reality check

Anonymous 103295

This thread has made me very sad and I'll be quite angry with you if you let yourself slip away after this.


How the fuck are you supposed to trust men again after assault/rape?? Anonymous 41163[Reply]

It happened 3 times already anons, i'm losing my mcfreakin mind and none were even full on rape

Everywhere i look there's predators. On the bus i see men grinding against women who can't move, at college there are known pervert teachers and no one does anything about it, on the street i see harassment and stares, my insurance covers for doctors who abused minors, my favourite musicians and artists are scum and fucked teens, so so many watch violent porn. With every woman i talk to, there is a story like this, of men hurting them just to get off.

I distrust every single man,no matter what they are to me, because these aren't isolated cases, the ones who are normal human beings seem to be the rarity.

But i just can't fucking take it anymore, the fear. They're everywhere, they're stronger and our justice system is completely useless against even rape with all the evidence.

It got to the point where i'm mildly suicidal. There is nowhere to run and i can't avoid them, it seems inevitable something will happen again judging by the experience of the women around me.

I don't know what to do anymore and can't take it much longer, currently i don't even want to bathe because i am disgusted about touching my body and being reminded of stuff that happened or could happen.
66 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 47787

For a good majority of my life I've shared the same feelings posted in this thread but I think the worst thing I've come to know recently is how rape kinks developed as a coping mechanism outside of the cases of actual sexual assault are formed - according to female therapists - in a way of advanced preparation; as in 'I haven't been raped /yet/ but I'm desensitizing myself for when the time comes so that the trauma affects me less' and it's been fucking me up ever since.

Like it's something that just pushed me into a spiral of insanity that I can't believe this is what it's come to.

Anonymous 47809

I'm going to contest that, there's no way that therapists can know what the biological drive towards rape kinks are, speaking as a mental health professional.

If you ask around in kink communities why people have what they have, answers are incredibly varied, and rape fantasies are no exception. It's not some kind of biological inevitability, they literally can't know that through the scientific method. It's just a theory, and a weak one.

Anonymous 103256

Think they do it only in front of us otherwise they likely secretly admire each other to get away with it
Men see vikings that will rape or kill if they can get away with it

Anonymous 103274

>How the fuck are you supposed to trust men again after assault/rape??

You aren't. Worst part is, however, that after going through such a terrible ordeal even the 'good' moids will cease trusting you and will view you as a broken machine and will most likely want nothing to do with you. I seldom see anyone talk about the long-term societal effects of rape, such and shunning and avoidance.

Anonymous 103283

I've dated guys with low libidos and they both had secret substance abuse addictions. So, yeah, I don't think moids can actually just be decent sexual partners independent of some sort of other major flaw


life after leaving a cult Anonymous 103216[Reply]

I grew up in a cult that had all the typical traditionalist views of women. I was given a highschool education but never encouraged to do more; In my family, women simply got married and had babies and for a long time that’s kind of what I expected for myself. But I eventually broke away from that cult and now I’m living all on my own in my early 20s. I feel like I’ve grown a lot; I support myself with a job (it’s nothing really special but it gets me by). I don’t have to worry about dressing modest or acting godly. I have my own apartment finally, a cat who I love, and honestly life is a lot better now. Things are good but I still feel the echoes of anxiety from the environment I grew up in.

My whole childhood I was trained to have all these expectations about life and the world and now that im free everything feels so… quiet.

My mom would always pester me about how I’m going to grow old alone if I couldn’t find a good man to take care of me. And now that I’ve left that cult, I really am alone and don’t have a lot of friends. I don’t care about marrying but I am scared of just fading away with my quiet life I have now. Part of me feels empty, like I could’ve done more with my life if my childhood wasn’t just thrown away for the men around me and the cult I grew up in. I guess I struggle with aimlessness. Have any other nonas come from a similar situation? How did you learn to adapt to your new life?
2 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103223

when you say "grew up in a cult" do you mean you just went to a very militant church or were you living in an isolated community?
Sorry for turning this into an AMA but I actually met somebody who was the latter and they have a pretty good life on the outside.

Anonymous 103225

I guess kinda both? It is known to people outside as just a crazy church but I qualify it as a cult because we weren't allowed to be friends with people outside the church. None of us went to a school, we couldn't leave the house on Sundays, we had restrictions on what we could wear, etc. We were always made to proselytize and picket signs in similar ways to the westboro baptist church does I think. But no cult leader or anything like that, just a group of men in charge of our church

Anonymous 103251

I grew up in a very similar "culture" and honestly it sounds like you're doing 100x better than I ever did, considering my first move was to latch onto the first decent man I met and try to get married/pregnant.

The first thing you need to know is you're going to come off as awkward and weird for a long time, even as you really work on your social skills. This REALLY limits your social circles, but it makes your options pretty straightforward. I immediately found kindred spirits when I briefly got into manga and comics because they were so new, but I found good friends after evolving into nerd shit like board games and tabletop RPGs. Everyone around me was at least a little awkward and weird, and seeing how utterly innocent and naive I was, a group of people adopted me out of pity and became very close friends.

As for aimlessness, I felt this for a long time until I found a hobbycraft board, when a nice lady in her 70's at the library explained how the internet worked. I'd worked a small farm all my life, so I had a lot of little bits of crafts skills. Eventually that hobby led me to making terrain for minis gamers, which forced me to learn to paint, which in turn improved my overall skills, which got me a job restoring antiques, then getting a job that paid me to get my arts degree, finally started my career. In my experience, it all snowballs from something you find yourself pre-programmed to enjoy, so don't stress it.

Anonymous 103261

Actually I almost did do exactly what you did - we never got married though. I found out they were cheating on me last year and I broke it off before it got more serious, thank god lol. I honestly think that is partially why I’m really starting to think about this stuff now - it’s really forced me out of my comfort zone into something new.

I’m definitely still really awkward, though I wonder if part of that is autism - I was never good at being social. I have started hanging out with ttrpg groups as well and they’ve been really sweet in my experience too!! I definitely haven’t found a career or anything, but I have been working with dogs for a while and I love it but there aren’t a lot of opportunities there to make good money. If I’m happy with my job though I think that’s ok enough in my book.

Thanks for your perspective nona, its nice to know that others have gone through a similar journey

Anonymous 103272

>Actually I almost did do exactly what you did
It's nice to know I'm not the only one who couldn't slip the programming immediately.

>I found out they were cheating on me last year and I broke it off

Wow, that's a really, really awful way to end your first relationship. I was lucky in that he asked me if I actually wanted a husband or if I was just scared of being alone and offered me an easy way out.

I'm really, genuinely happy to hear you're putting together your own life. It took me a long time before I was able to stop leaning so heavily on others and actually embrace being independent. I wish you all the best.


boyfriend problems Anonymous 103175[Reply]

he is korean and we were in a long distance relationship, its been going well but i am scared to bring him to seattle because its a total shithole. he wants come and see the giant forests
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103243


>borderline suicidal
Is this him?

Anonymous 103244

nah he was in the military and kind of muscular for a korean

Anonymous 103265

All korean men go to the military unless they are diaspora so I would assume almost all SKs are muscular.

Anonymous 103270

Then why are k-pop stars so thin?

Anonymous 103271

I thought most were muscular since they are dancers? Maybe many of them are idols first and then take military service after as men don't have a specific age they have to take service, it is mandatory but can be taken anytime between 18 to 35 years at least this is what I have heard. It makes sense for an idol to take service at the end of his 30s.


Lusting for a gym crush even thought I have a boyfriend Anonymous 103186[Reply]

I feel like a horrible being, I have a boyfriend for 4 years now and recently started lusting for my gym crush. Please read my backstory before judging me.

I was always on the taller side growing up (5'8) and most boys were afraid of me, I also had no big ass or breasts and was also very shy, no guys were into me during my school years. This developed in a huge complex over the years and it got me into working out. I think I got very lucky with my genes because I had an insane glow up. My butt is really big and cute and my I really like my long legs and shiny skin now. Shortly after I started to work out a guy kept hitting on me, I first thought he was trying to pull a prank or just pump and dump me because he was very tall and handsome. Well we are now together for 4 years and I never had interest in other guys, it's more the contrary, I started to develop a disgust for other men because now that I'm attractive they all hit on me or try dumb stare downs.

So I switched gym last year together with my boyfriend and I noticed a really short guy (maybe 5'6?) who was very obese working out at our gym. He is extremely shy and talks with nobody, I see him every time when I work out. He lost all his weight over the last year and his transformation is admirable. He looks like an Italian/Spanish mini Henry Cavill. Now this is where the problem starts, I started to "like" him. I noticed that he sometimes looks at me but I kept ignoring him during all the time and now he stopped to look at me. Back then I didn't care but once he glown up I started to enjoy his attention. I know I sound like a basic gym bitch. I also kept catching myself thinking about him, asking myself why he doesn't have a girlfriend or why he is so shy. My boyfriend noticed me looking at me at him sometimes and at first he got passive aggressive during our home rides. I asked him and after some tries he opened up asking me what I want with that short guy (he insulted him very mean ways). I told him it's nothing and that he is imagining things. The disputes with my boyfriend are getting worse and it's starting to tax me. I really love him but I'm so confused. The more often we quarrel the more the intrusive toughs get into my head. Did my current boyfriend just abuse the fact that I was a shy girl back then and he made use of my weakness? I really had a bad self esteem before I had my glow up. He also has no attacking point because my gym crush doesn't even hold eye contact with mePost too long. Click here to view the full text.
18 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103211

Don't feel too bad, you don't stop being attracted to other people in a relationship. You just need to stop thinking with your clit and distance yourself from this crush before you do something you'll regret. It sounds bad enough that your bf even noticed.
This is good advice

Anonymous 103213

>you don't stop being attracted to other people in a relationship
i do as many other people too, but if her boyfriend has a polygamous orientation too then she shouldn't feel bad i agree. even if he doesn't, it's not like she can change this about herself. however, knowing how it can hurt your partner, she should be more subtle about it tbh

Anonymous 103214

Most of them were mine and I'm ESL too. OP just blurted all what's on her mind in her opening post and finding the correct words for that often isn't that easy not even in our own language. However, we've cut to the chase by now.

Anonymous 103235

he's not dating you anon, i recognize your previous posts. he doesn't dislike the gym guy at all as opposed to how you are pitting him against another person whether you are conscious of it or not. he wants you to be a better person and recognizes why you act a certain way and wants to resolve conflict and be on optimal terms, realizes that a relationship is not going to work out, but that he still wants you to be a better person due to recognizing why you act in a certain way and your response in communicating with him dishonestly is likely frustrating for him.

Anonymous 103237

or not a "better" person as he likely doesn't have the authority to decide that, but just wants someone who can actually communicate their problems directly.


weight issues Anonymous 101974[Reply]

Being a fat woman is hell on earth especially when i realize the fact I can never find any moid who is decent to date. the only people who wan to date me are weirdos and dudes online.
18 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 102889

Bbws are back in anyways, my friend was 350lbs and she started getting calls from all her ex boyfriends that dumped her because she was so fat, they all wanted her back
This is gonna sound super retarded but literally put on a smile and convince yourself you're pretty and people will look past your weight even if you're pushing 250, it's all in your face
I've dated people that weighed over 300 because the first thing I noticed wasn't how insanely fat they were, but how happy they looked
But I've also met people that were ~250lbs and couldn't even make eye contact because they just looked pissed off and miserable

Anonymous 102890

Oh and to provide context about my friend to support that argument, she was told by doctors she would live 4 more years because she was so obese, so she became super depressed and nobody could stand being around her
She started dieting and met a boy that started dating her, and she became so elated that her friends all said she was the happiest they'd ever seen her
That's when she started getting calls, her pictures all showed a very radiant face smiling and happy
She was still extremely obese but that attitude change was what made her attractive

Anonymous 102913


>Being a fat woman is hell on earth

If you're in the U.S., not it is not. Every third person where I live is fat.

>the only people who wan to date me are weirdos and dudes online.

Every fat girl I've ever known has been in a relationship. They had very confident and assertive personalities btw. I should really follow my own advice with this, but you can always find a man by learning not to care and not being a wall-flower. He might not be Ryan Gosling, but that's also the "learning not to care" part. People don't want you because they care that you're fat, they don't want you because YOU care that you're fat. No excuses, now go and get some.

Anonymous 102916

>He might not be Ryan Gosling
Well thank fucking god lmao, uggo

(I get your point dw)

Anonymous 103179

honestly, this is one of my top motivators for losing weight. obviously the first and foremost one is my own physical and mental health. at the same time though, I feel like my options are so shit. the men who go out of their way to make a move on me are never men that I am interested in back; I don't even mean appearance wise but personality wise.

or maybe it is just because of me being miserable about being fat, in which case, either way, probably better for me to lose weight so I stop radiating the energy of how unhappy I am with myself.

unmotivated rabbit…

Anonymous 102769[Reply]

Im early/mid twenties khv and just recently began trying to challenge myself by actually speaking to moids and making an effort to find my own relationship instead of just waiting for them to come to me cuz it just ain’t happening.

I found a dood local to me and we've been messaging daily for a few weeks and met up twice. I felt like we actually got on really well, I felt like the conversations went well (which is big for me) and it’s the most comfortable I’ve felt around a moid, but the longer I've been messaging him I've started feeling really insecure. Like thinking does he find me annoying is he just entertaining me because he feels guilty and waiting for me to finally shut up? I feel like the messages became a bit more trivial as time has gone on but outside of that I don't think he's really done anything to make me feel this way and it could just be my own self-hatred but it's making me really deppresso.

I’ve always been pretty low maintenance with friendships like maybe messaging people once a week so I’m finding the daily messaging a bit awkward, like I want to speak to him but I also worry that I’m taking up too much of his time and that he doesn’t actually want to talk to me that often if at all? I also feel like cause we’ve spoke so often there’s not much new or interesting to say and I’ve used up all my best jokes and stories. The text convos used to be quite long but now they’re kinda short and shallow.

I thought I’d post this in case any other nonas could relate, I don’t know how I can make this better, if it will go away naturally or if I should just dip bcoz I don’t wanna feel sad ☹ part of me thinks maybe honestly is the best policy and maybe I should ask him if he actually wants to speak to me but that also reeks of my insecurity which would probably put him off and make me look like I was baiting for attention. I was feeling so hopeful at first and I just don’t want to lose out on what I thought could’ve actually been really good. Pls halp s
14 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 103082


It seems that anons don't understand what I was trying to convey. I don't mean to derail the thread too much and I'll sage, but I don't think providing a different perspective to the suffocating romanticism going on itt is going to hurt anyone.

A good frame of reference for what "love" is is what you feel towards a good friend, your mother, or your sibling. Does the thought of talking to your mother make you anxious? Do you spend an hour in front of a mirror before meeting your friend? If you do not feel comfortable with someone, you do not love them nor do you feel love emanating from them reciprocally. I thought this is obvious.

OP clearly stated in her post that she is insecure. That is not good foundation for a relationship because insecure people build their relationships on codependence. It's their desire to lock down the 'security' that being 'insecure' implies lack of. I know because I've been there and I don't talk out of my ass. This problem is exacerbated with romantic relationships due to the importance that is generally imposed on them. That's why I have no problem calling it trauma-bonding, because that's what it is. In my original post, I say that trauma-bonding is terror of being abandoned. It's fear of losing the security. It's bonding with someone not out of love, but out of fear.

It messes with me when I see a woman getting in touch with her intuition telling her that something is wrong, that she does not feel safe or good, and then 5 other women emerge from the bushes to gaslight her about what she's feeling that it's oh so totally normal, don't worry about it. After all, other traumatized women experience it too!

I understand that discouraging people from stepping on the rake is denying them the opportunity to learn. Most people can learn only when they personally experience the consequences. But the sooner the seed of a new perspective is planted, the sooner it will manifest in conscious thought pattern, and that's what I wish for every nona itt who genuinely has no frame of reference for what a stable connection looks like.

Anonymous 103088

Usually people don't have sexual intercourse with their parents, siblings or their friends, even though, they love them and they don't feel lust towards them. So your love framework doesn't fit the phenomenon OP is probably referring to. It's similar in certain aspects but not the same. Also, you are framing falling in love with somebody like a sickness and list symptoms everybody is familiar with in your pic to gaslight them into your suggested belief without giving any other definition of romantic love OP can work with instead you instill fear for something that is perfectly normal. I wouldn't trust your intentions if I were OP

Anonymous 103144

Not OP, but for what it's worth, I liked your post and needed the reminder now that I can feel another pointless bout of limerence coming on towards a guy who is inappropriate for me for many reasons, including his much younger age.
Last year, I already experienced a strong phase of limerence towards someone else with a lot of the symptoms listed in your screenshot. It made me feel like I was sick and crazy and you're right in saying that this sort of thing isn't worth cultivating. It makes more sense to build relationships with people who I can tell with certainty care about me instead of giving in to my brain concocting delusional fantasies about random guys I have no true connection with.

Anonymous 103160

This is what goes through the average lesbian’s mind when she sees a cute couple holding hands in public, look at her and laugh nonas.

Anonymous 103161

*average polilez


I hate my roommate but never met her Anonymous 103074[Reply]

I already hate my roommate, whom I’ve never met. She’s really popular and seems like the type who will always have guys over in our room. Is it petty of me to put in a room request change? It won’t even be processed since we’ve never met.

I’ve lived with many extroverted roommates before who always had people over in our room. I just want my room to be a place I can relax in because I become a mean and bitter person very quickly when I don’t have a place to be at peace.

Anonymous 103075

Nona, I don't think it's petty at all.
I feel the same way about mine, despite never having met her and knowing nothing about her. It's going to be my first time living with a roommate and I'm dreading it because of how much I value having my own space.
I think you should try to request a change once you have a feel for how she is and know that this is something you do not want to put up with. If you changing rooms upsets her, who cares? You deserve to have a quiet environment to live in.

Anonymous 103090

You're hating someone based on assumptions, that's really stupid and unfair towards her.

Anonymous 103159

Am I hallucinating? Wasn’t this thread posted weeks ago?

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