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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 09/13/2020

Anonymous 32023[Reply]

Share your relationship problems here
182 posts and 19 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38610

Yeah having deal breakers is normal and fine, but pressuring your partner to make life changing decisions concerning her body and future like this is not.
I wouldn't be saying this if he learned she didn't want kids and broke things off, but it's scummy to keep the relationship going when he knew from the beggining she wasn't sure and then hold it over her head that she has a time limit and he WILL seek out a younger woman to have kids with if she doesn't comply. The fact that she feels disposable and feels that he's planning for failure is very telling i think.

Anonymous 38614

It's ugly of him, but he is making it clear what he wants and what he will do without it. She needs to take a stand and make clear decisions herself. If you are vacillating then you seem open to being influenced/convinced, which is what he's trying. Otherwise, all he could do is just leave the relationship straight up.

Anonymous 38675

To be fair I think there is no winning for him,if he feels he needs kids he can only be expected to pursue that even if it meant leaving a woman he loved.
what should he do otherwise? silently seethe? just stop wanting kids?

Anonymous 48195


There are these rare rare days when I'm rolling my eyes, sighing and thinking that being single right now wouldn't be that bad right? I know it would.

Anonymous 48196

during covid it's honestly the worst time to be single but some can tolerate it. If you have that inner strength sure go ahead.


Anonymous 46562[Reply]

Let me give you a piece of advice.

If you have a crush, tell them. Pursue them. Please figure out if he/she likes you or not.

Even if you get rejected, it's far less worse than the pain of never knowing what could have been.

I wish I had known this.
17 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 47627

>I don't know if I like them or if I just want somebody there

Date them and find out.

Anonymous 47665

That's a pretty shitty move for the guy you will spend time with if you lead him on and then dump him just because you couldn't process your own emotions

Anonymous 47667

That’s kind of what dating is for though, isn’t it? Going on dates to see if you enjoy spending time with them, and choosing whether or not to be exclusive based on that.

Anonymous 47668

Men are constantly going on about how they want low commitment and no drama. If they flip out when that's what they get, it's on them.

Anonymous 48172

how often is it that once you date a friend, and maybe even become exclusive, that you two go back to being friends like before, if the romantic relationship doesn't work out?


Cheated on Anonymous 44298[Reply]

I have been married to my husband for 8 years and we have two kids. I just found out my husband got a blow job from our also married neighbor over the summer. I feel like shit and don’t know what to do. Has anyone been cheated on and gone on to have a healthy relationship?
35 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 47831


Jesus 90% of people in this thread need to cool down.

OP what you're going through is rough and you need to take some time and think things through on your own. Nobody can tell you the single right way to go about this.

Personally I'd try to "forgive him" in the sense that you accept humans will fuck up. That doesn't mean you have to stay with him or even like him but give him some human consideration (aka don't drag him through the mud to seek revenge). After that there are a billion options - couples therapy, divorce, trying to work through things together. Whatever it is it'll need a lot of communication between the two of you, which will suck but that's why I recommend taking some time and getting distance from this.

Hope you're doing ok OP.

Divorce does not equal fucked up kids. It's difficult sure but so are a billion other things. As long as the parents put their kids feelings before their petty bullshit and stay cordial with each other it will be fine - definitely better than if they stay together but hate each other.

Anonymous 48082


I worked at a divorce attorneys office for 3 months after college which means I know very little about how this stuff goes, but that very little is way more than most other anons seem to. Please OP do not take any legal advice from imageboards it's basically all wrong and kooky.

Anonymous 48087


Don't listen to these fucking idiots, they sound like moids.

No OP you shouldn't have to just forgive him and "deal with it."
8 whole years and he betrayed your trust and the bond you two undoubtedly shared. That's disgusting and he'll do it again, being drunk isn't an excuse. I've been wasted at parties and was never tempted to cheat on my partner. Throw the whole man away.

Anonymous 48163

Oh OP can forgive if wanted but not forget. Physical cheating is literally the point where the relationship ends. Emotional cheating on the other hand can be dealt with, the relationship can be saved if both sides both effort. But there's no going back with physical cheating. That's straight up adultery and illegal in most places in the world. OPs kids do not deserve to be raised by a bad father and need to understand what respect and boundaries mean in a relationship. Divorce affects kids strongly especially on reasons as to why its happening. I take it you have never been in a serious relationship nor have much life experience/knowledge. Don't ever give out advice again.>>47831

Anonymous 48164

Sacrificing one's feelings and dignity just for their children is not a good thing to do. Its not a good example for them either.


On the fence about motherhood Anonymous 47864[Reply]

I have been on the fence of having kids for a long time. Sometimes the idea sounds good but after seeing how hard it is, how you have to give up so much and how unsupportive a lot of fathers are it has made me reconsider everything. I went to a psychic a few days ago and she told me I was gonna have 2-3 kids. All of the psychics I have visited have said this. I go back and forth on this. Is anyone on the same boat as I am?
16 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 48092

This is the one time I've typed this and actually meant it: do you have autism?

Anonymous 48093

>All of the psychics I have visited have said this. I go back and forth on this.

Stop wasting your money on psychics.

You sound a little bit selfish to me. The main reason you don't want to have kids is because it might be a burden on you. What about the state of this planet's future? The state of your kids' future? The things preventing me from wanting kids are that they'll probably end up slaves to some megacorp and I'm not currently able to give them the support they'd need, and I need a husband/ reliable partner who will also want to give them his best support. I want to be able to have a child and give them a better start than I had. If I can assure that, then I'll consider it more seriously.

Anonymous 48094

I just don't want to regret it and end up ruining both the child's life and my own. After reading stories of parents who regret having their kid, I don't want to end up in that situation and potentially hating my own child. I obviously think about their future and how messed up this world too. Sometimes I wonder if the best gift to give to my child is simply not bringing him/her to this world.

Anonymous 48096

Ah ok, sorry for the accusation, it was unnecessary and rude.

Idk, I think it's a good thing if you worry you won't be a good enough parent, because that's a drive for change. Accepting your ineptitude allows for growth and development, if that makes sense. There are a lot of parents who don't think about this stuff before having kids, which is probably why I jumped to such a stupid conclusion. I often toss back and forwards between the two options. Don't have kids and let irresponsible people reproduce, or have kids and risk being one of those irresponsible people myself. I feel like I'm damned either way, whether I have kids or not, there's a chance I'm not acting morally. If I just let more irresponsible people reproduce, then their kids won't fall far from the tree either, and so more drones are processed for the megacorp, more people are made to live in squalor, and greater grows the disparity between rich and poor. If I do have kids, I can hopefully give them the resources to face life and enjoy it, and try to continue and impart my sense of justice into them. I feel like I'm overvaluing the impact that could be made by little old me. It's a tough choice and I wish my brain didnt automatically default to saying I'm doing the wrong thing no matter what.

Anonymous 48162

Parenthood is a huge thing. It's having another life, it's adding a lot of serious responsibilities. It's best to be realistic for yourself. Sure you can do it but you do want to ruin yourself? Can you maintain a finance to keep both you and your baby alive? Do you have the ability to properly raise a child? Are you ready to give up your quietness, space, and attention for something else? There are too many people with messed up kids in messed up situations all because of their selfishness. There are too many people who think they can raise a good child. Sure they can but they wont be raised by them and once that kid leaves. Ma and pa would be left alone to die. Also why would anyone want to bring a kid into this god awful world?


Anonymous 44662[Reply]

How do I cope knowing most men are incapable of love without sex?
55 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 48117

This is a flat out lie. My bf shies away from sex sometimes but he still does lots of other things for me that shows he loves me. He told me that his first time was forced out of him, that he felt pressured and emotionally manipulated into it, so to say they can't be vulnerable either is untruthful. Try telling a guy midway through sex that his dick stinks, that will show you how vulnerable they can get.

Saying that men are incapable of loving women like women love men just sounds like a primary school argument. Some men love women more,
some women love men more. There's been a lot of great art throughout antiquity of men loving women, which was enough to convince me that good men can exist. I know guys can be jerks, some see women as "property", some see us as whores or sluts for showing our ankles and wrists, but if you want to find love, you need to believe that some guys can be good, otherwise you'll reject every one that comes your way and you really will never find a good guy. I hope you find one eventually

Anonymous 48118

>if you want to find love, you need to believe that some guys can be good
And you need to be attractive, too.
At the end of the day, love is reserved for attractive people. Men love pretty women, women love handsome men. Some pay more attention to inner beauty but if you have neither, you will never experience love.

Anonymous 48133

>women love handsome men
no, scrotes are allowed to be fugly

Anonymous 48137

if you don't know what a scrote is you're either one yourself or you didn't lurk enough

Anonymous 48140

I think anon means she doesn't understand "men are allowed to be fugly", and is trying to say that fugly men don't have success either.


Seducing guys as a fat girl Anonymous 39949[Reply]

Any advice? Even when I'm asking them out they seem to be unsure or just plain not wanting to go out on dates
45 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 48099

This is sticc cope

Anonymous 48110

Nah tons of guys prefer chunky girls, almost all the married or engaged women I know and see are fat. Thin women tend to be more high testosterone and promiscuous and it disrupts their pair bonding ability, plus if they’re on diets it makes them into neurotic irritable bitches. I’ve never met a skinny woman with a warm or motherly attitude and sweet personality unfortunately.

Anonymous 48113

>tons of guys prefer chunky girls
Yep this. Skinniness is something only women strive for. Most, if not all, men like some meat on a female body and not just on the chest and bum area. It sucks for thin women who have a hard time gaining weight (like me) but it's better to accept this reality sooner rather than later.

Anonymous 48120

Depends on the man sand what's he's into. And also what kind of men OP is into. There's a difference between, plump, little extra, pushing it, too much and a lardo.
People tend to get fat after marriage. It's not unheard of letting yourself go. Both men and women do it. Women are predisposition to gain weight then men. Plus the ones I know that are fat tend to have horrible diets, so that doesn't help.
I was going to say I hate men that are into fat chicks because they've been the creepiest. Then I just realized I hate men in general and they're all terrible.

Anonymous 48125

>almost all the married or engaged women I know and see are fat

Women who derive all of their self-esteem externally from men will often stop taking care of their bodies when they think they have a man "locked down." It's foolish. Men can leave at any time, and being lonely is hard enough without having to pay for your own insulin.


Careers Anonymous 39507[Reply]

I am in software company and was just promoted to a manager position after being a software engineer for several years.
I don't like being non-technical but it's the only way I can progress up in our company.
The issue is, several people on my team have asked to transfer out already when word hit and one already put his two weeks in.
What do I do?
29 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 43225

thanks anons

Anonymous 43227

I work and I gave you my advice here. >>39509

Anonymous 43228

Make them wait.

Anonymous 43236

>one screen is image editing software
>one is video editing of what looks like a porn clip
>third is 10 lines of script repeated in 2 windows
what did they mean by this?

Anonymous 48119

I'm with this anon. I thought exaggerating the word "literally" died out 12 years ago. It is annoying that people use words incorrectly, you may as well lose a word in the process. We have many other words to convey the new, bastardised meaning of literally: basically, virtually, essentially, fundamentally, etc…

But no, you guys need to literally remove the word literally from the English language. You guys verbatim have just said that you want the word literally removed from the english language because you literally like adding redundancies. Why do I feel like I am living crazy town?


Anonymous 46650[Reply]

Is there any bigger myth than the ugly guys are nicer myth?
16 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 47876

Not her but how do you define and measure conscientiousness ? Is there a battery of standardized test for it like there is for IQ ?

Anonymous 47883

how do you know that you have higher than average intelligence if you cannot prove it by having good grades? Watching Rick and Morty doesn't make you above average, nothing is more cringe than people claiming to be special only to boost their ego.

Anonymous 47894

I know because I got tested as a kid, I also had all sorts of behavioral problems

Anonymous 48086


THIS. Lmao it's scary how true this is. I dated a horrible loser once and he cheated on me many times lol

Anonymous 48288

>I dated a horrible loser(…)
Why is this so funny?


waiting to get medication Anonymous 47861[Reply]

i've been anxious and depressed horribly for the past few weeks and i don't get medication for another month at least. how to i bide time until then and try and minimize my self-destructive urges in the meantime? i have few who i can confide in where i live aside from my partner who is shouldering enough already.


How the fuck are you supposed to trust men again after assault/rape?? Anonymous 41163[Reply]

It happened 3 times already anons, i'm losing my mcfreakin mind and none were even full on rape

Everywhere i look there's predators. On the bus i see men grinding against women who can't move, at college there are known pervert teachers and no one does anything about it, on the street i see harassment and stares, my insurance covers for doctors who abused minors, my favourite musicians and artists are scum and fucked teens, so so many watch violent porn. With every woman i talk to, there is a story like this, of men hurting them just to get off.

I distrust every single man,no matter what they are to me, because these aren't isolated cases, the ones who are normal human beings seem to be the rarity.

But i just can't fucking take it anymore, the fear. They're everywhere, they're stronger and our justice system is completely useless against even rape with all the evidence.

It got to the point where i'm mildly suicidal. There is nowhere to run and i can't avoid them, it seems inevitable something will happen again judging by the experience of the women around me.

I don't know what to do anymore and can't take it much longer, currently i don't even want to bathe because i am disgusted about touching my body and being reminded of stuff that happened or could happen.
82 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 47735

>Most white guys are openly racist and openly calling for genocide of black people
This is your brain on Twitter.

Anonymous 47745

I have no idea, OP. It's been three years since my rape and I've just given up on men completely. All they do is let me down. Socialization, along with pornography, have made men completely beyond redemption. My only advice is to make meaningful relationships with women….and, there are some decent men out there but they're rare. DO NOT GO NEAR MOIDS ON THE INTERNET. Near perfect chance they're going to be coomers.

Anonymous 47787

For a good majority of my life I've shared the same feelings posted in this thread but I think the worst thing I've come to know recently is how rape kinks developed as a coping mechanism outside of the cases of actual sexual assault are formed - according to female therapists - in a way of advanced preparation; as in 'I haven't been raped /yet/ but I'm desensitizing myself for when the time comes so that the trauma affects me less' and it's been fucking me up ever since.

Like it's something that just pushed me into a spiral of insanity that I can't believe this is what it's come to.

Anonymous 47804

>Totally selfish, emotional wrecks, completely narcissistic
Tbf, I haven't met any person who isn't this description within varying degrees. Pets are better companions unless you're super keen on conversation. Even then, there are social outlets like this.

Anonymous 47809

I'm going to contest that, there's no way that therapists can know what the biological drive towards rape kinks are, speaking as a mental health professional.

If you ask around in kink communities why people have what they have, answers are incredibly varied, and rape fantasies are no exception. It's not some kind of biological inevitability, they literally can't know that through the scientific method. It's just a theory, and a weak one.

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