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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/23/2020 - No new rules, only clarification added.

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Difficult Room-mates, Feels plus Advice Anonymous 37804[Reply]

Has anyone lived with or currently live with someone, a room-mate, a friend, a relative, that they didn't get along with or that was mean to them?

Feels, I guess, plus advice?
How did you survive? (Did you?) What advice do you have? What would you do different? What do you suggest others do?
30 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38471

>>38409
>>38426
(I'm guessing you're the same person?)

I don't really care about him anymore, at this point, I'm barely keeping from axe-murdering him. He's told me he thinks my boyfriend's cheating on me with a young girl.

What I want to know is whether I can actually trust my boyfriend?
Do I trust the psychological observations of someone I don't trust? Do I take it as pure data, or is biased, due to him being untrustworthy?
Are his behavioural observations and criteria compromised?

Do I trust the person I love most in the entire existence of eternity when it's damn near impossible for me to trust anyone anymore?

Anonymous 38474

>>38471
Yes you can trust your bf.
No you shouldn't trust your roommate.
Super biased, give his claims about your bf negative weight.

Have you talked with your bf about him?

Anonymous 38491

>>37855
you were pretty dumb to let a guy like that into your home, and quite irresponsible to expose him to your friends, has to be said anon…..

Anonymous 38492

>>38126
>Is the insanity on my part or his?
Both, your relationship is codependent. You both sound like broken people, albeit we're only hearing one side.
>>38471
To experience intimacy is to make yourself vulnerable. I wouldn't take the advice of a scumbag. The only way to truly know is to confront your boyfriend though. If you can't trust him enough to confront him with your feelings, do you even trust him?

Anonymous 38494

>>38471
literally what. it's obvious he's telling you that because he wants to take advantage of you. trust your boyfriend, cut the other guy out of your life.



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vent thread Anonymous 35766[Reply]

last one reached bump limit.
>>31601
502 posts and 94 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38594

c069cd0359560d04c7…

Woah I am literally the female version of incel men who fall in love with the first lady who gives them the time of day, I've never had any actual male friends who would talk to just ME and not the general group of people I was hanging out with, and now I have one and I like him for some reason goddamn it he isn't even especially handsome and he's a conceited jerk who won't listen to anything I say but I dunno, as long as he doesn't say he likes me too I'm gonna be simping for him inside my mind, it's kind of fun. Romance is better when kept inside your head than when brought to the real world
and sorry for my middle school tier ramblings

Anonymous 38613

>>38594
Me too. It's why I don't talk to men anymore. If they even try to use their charms on me by smiling or making conversation, I ignore them. They'll only hurt you in the end.

Anonymous 38664

help.png

I can't do it anymore. Everyday just gets worse as I see people more and more as walking sacks of flesh and cells rather than real beings and conversations and thoughts as meaningless. I want to grow close to people but I just can't because I don't know if they, especially men, think like me or function like me or if I somehow deviated into some weird mental state. I feel disgusting and cold when I see people around each other laughing and bonding. It sounds edgy but it's the truth, because that could be me with them, but I'm so stuck up in my own head I've lost touch with reality. I don't even care about a bf anymore I just want to feel like a normal woman. I've always wanted to adventure out in the world and do things with my life but I'll never get to experience that because of how I managed to fuck my shit.

Sorry for the rambling

Anonymous 38825

Toco-Toucan-Feedin…

My friend keeps using me as a therapist, he keeps having breakdowns to me and it's really heavy and hard to deal with. I myself am not in the best of situations but he'd say about how he has it worse than me or how he's jealous of me because he gave me someone in my country's contact details and no one's done that for him. It's upsetting because the majority of his problems are self afflicted, he had friends but got tired of them and cut them off but now misses them. I really want to help him but I don't really know what to do and it's all really taking its toll on me.

Anonymous 38997

>>38463
I am a full time grad student at the PhD level. I don't have time for a job even though I know this would help.
I could rent a room in a house I guess. The only thing keeping me here is that I don't want to move and then have to move again once my fiancee finishes school. It makes financial sense to stay here is all. I just needed to vent.



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Anonymous 37968[Reply]

I'm going to take plan b today for peace of mind. Does anyone have experiences or warnings? I'm very worried about birth control making my brain fog worse, which is already really bad.

Anonymous 37970

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Don't have sex if you don't want to get pregnant.

Anonymous 37971

You will bleed a lot a few days after taking it. To my knowledge, it doesn't cause brain fog.

Anonymous 37972

>>37971
My period just ended so do you think I'll still bleed a lot? I just started the (progesterone only) birth control a month ago and I've been spotting a whole lot anyway.
I want to talk myself out of doing this but it's really the responsible decision, even if it's only protecting against a 10% chance.

Anonymous 38375

The two days after I took the pill I was totally fine. Felt no different at all from any other day. Then the third and fourth days I felt pretty shitty: super tired and achey and having some abdominal cramping. The third day I started spotting, which turned into a full period for the next seven days. Pretty normal. Fifth day onward I felt normal, just like I was having my period again. Just some info for anyone curious about it like I was.



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Mixed signals from a girl? Anonymous 37856[Reply]

Hi girls, I'm just wondering if any of the other gay/bi girls on here had any advice for me. Also this could just be a general lgbt dating thread??? idk
Anyway.

I've been getting kinda mixed signals from a girl I chat to online, we both live in diff countries but not like, the other side of the world kinda thing, more like say an hours flight away. I've only ever dated men and this is my first real crush on a girl, so I don't really know what to look out for. Idk whether she is into girls either, but she has never said otherwise- we are both ace though, and she knows I am biromantic.

But basically, she calls me cute a lot, has even gone so far as to say we are like soulmates, when i mentioned i was chatting to another girl (we used to talk on insta) she suddenly asked to add me on whatsapp, we are ridiculously similar and even jokingly said about us running off to another country to live together.

But then, she is sometimes really distant…I mean I understand taking a day or something to reply to texts bc tbf we do basically send one another digital letters…but sometimes its like two days and it will stay like that for a while then all of a sudden she's super into chatting to me again. It kinda screws with me a bit because I don't know where I stand.

I'm super into her but it's really uncharted ground here with me because I've never dated another girl and have no clue what signs to look out for or whether she's just being friendly and I don't wanna overstep any boundaries. I also don't wanna risk just asking her out in case it freaks her out lmao, because I'd rather not jeopardise my friendship with her.

Anonymous 38337

not everyone is super chatty anon, she seems like she enjoys your friendship v much or whatever that is. keep holding on

Anonymous 38339

>>37856
not really mixed signals imo. as long as the energy of the convo itself is consistent, it probably just means she’s not the active texter type.



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Anonymous 38093[Reply]

Is it better to just go volcel, or keep trying to date and risk getting hurt? When I look at my friends and female relatives relationships and marriages, they have a man, but none of them seem particularly happy.

It seems like their husbands are just wallets that provide some extra cash or drive them around places, help out with the kids every so often. It seems like their men don’t add much to their lives, and a lot of the time seem to cause more trouble or present problems through their behavior.

I have already dated 3 guys, each experience was more horrible than the last, at this point I am so tired of men’s bullshit that I want nothing to do with them.

But at the same time, it seems all the good men get snapped up quickly and if you snooze you lose, dating gets harder as you get older. Men are shallow as fuck and if you are over 30 they cast you aside. I don’t want to regret being volcel in my youth then desperate when I hit my 30s. The thought of growing old alone is scary.
36 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38174

>>38170
Ok I get it now, my bad.

It’s just that calling them a “housecat” seems kinda condescending you know? As if they’re a pet and you’re the owner.

Instead of a partner relationship. Overall how you worded it made it sound like that. As if men are only capable of being a pet in your eyes.

Anonymous 38175

>>38170
You must have some bad experience with cats if you think they don't fawn over their owners.

Anonymous 38274

Yes, if you snooze you lose, but there are men who are in bad places right now who are trying to become good men, there are bound to be new ones entering the market who were in their building phase

If you do end up alone, to an extent it is all on you. Love isn't magic

Anonymous 38287

>>38094
No, people are incapable of love.
Love in that "cute romantic" sense doesn't exist, it's a result of young girls' imagination.
You can have realistic love in the "down-to-earth" way, but honestly, nobody wants that.

Anonymous 38329

>>38093
"the wall" is only an issue for women who are trying to follow a conventional path towards marriage and kids. if you don't want kids you have a lot more options.

the reality is that men hate 30-year-old women because that's the age where dating becomes unfun, because everyone is desperate and trying to fulfill a life script instead of acting on real desires. if that's not you, you can actually become more attractive with age and you can date younger men.



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Anyone get out of a depression recently? Anonymous 38103[Reply]

Maybe this isn't the appropriate place to post this.

But there are probably a few of you out there? It's weird having a new excitement about the world, but not knowing how to function properly to act on it.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38161

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>>38125
Sorry, didn't see this reply until now. It was just a matter of learning how to reframe negative thoughts. Long self-explic. ahead:

One of the biggest contributions to my depression was the perception of having little control and the feeling that there were innate parts of me were inferior (mental issues/unattractiveness/ethnicity/lack of intelligence/etc.), which is why I tended to fall into femcel-ish/venting-type groups. What helped me is learning how to rationalize my feelings.

I know this is gonna sound so stupid, but it might help to think about a progress-driven movement you're a part of that makes you feel participatory in society: for example, think feminism, environmentalism, or the advancement of technology. Then watch a documentary about the same topic but in the setting of a country which is culturally different than the one you live in.

I know it sounds dumb, but doing so helps remind me that the world is big and that whatever issues I face is something that can be rationalized as part of a larger process, and that I myself am part of something exciting and important which is far beyond whatever I feel at the moment.

So, if my mental state was always centered on feeling unattractive, I'd try to remind myself that the feeling of unattractiveness is a movement in and of itself—and I know this by observing the growth of femceldom and female insecurity in general. Knowing this helps me put distance between me as a functioning person and me being mentally influenced by how I feel on the inside.

If I am feeling powerlessly stupid—maybe in work or school—I try to rethink of it as me being part of the group of people which has a different cognitive understanding process, and try to learn why this is so. Maybe this one sounds like a bit of a cope haha, but it really helps when I feel myself spiraling into the same thought processes which contributed to depressive states (I will never x because I am x versus I feel x because I am conditioned to feel that I have no control over x).

TLDR: I got out of it by trying to never mentally frame anything that usually depresses me as something that is unchangeable. This is maybe even a reason why incel/blackpill groups (aka the ppl with skull theory obsession) are more prone to depressiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 38191

>>38161
Ntayrt but wow, that’s really smart and well-thought-out.

Anonymous 38288

>>38161
I understand that it is useful, but that's a more sophisticated way of lying to yourself. Your will maybe have a better mental state but at the cost of not accepting the truth, and I think it's better to keep the bad feelings if that means you're still realistic and don't fall in the "coping" trap.

Anonymous 38291

>>38288
There is no such objective truth of how we view ourselves though.

Anonymous 38295

>>38288
NTA but to me it seems like many of these framings target the relative salience of different facts, rather than obscuring truth. There probably is a fact of the matter whether you're conventionally very attractive or not, but if you keep ruminating only on this, you give a too much thought to something that doesn't benefit you. You can accept the truth that maybe you're not conventionally attractive in all ways, but not dwell on this side of the issue, and instead focus on the ways in which you can look professional and put together when you need to, act charming and attractive despite unconventional physical features, and so on.

Similarly, it doesn't seem like anon was denying some possible truth that there are specific thinking styles that are less natural to her, and instead she tries to understand herself better and reach her goals through other ways.

It's more about making the constructive and solution-focused frameworks more salient to yourself than just dwelling on the limitations you feel bad about, and it's indeed a great way to prevent yourself from getting stuck in life.



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Anonymous 36364[Reply]

How can i be happy for someone i got rejected by? Just seeing him with somebody else doing everything we were dreaming to do together and everything we started is already frustratng af. Is it even possible? It seems kinda too masochistic.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 36379

>How can i be happy for someone i got rejected by?
You don’t have to “be happy for him.” I really doubt all those people who say they are “happy for” the person that rejected them mean it.

Anonymous 36380

In my language there is a phrase for this stuff: "hagan bien, y no miren a quien"

You are not suposed to wish them the best, you are meant to be free, just as him, and enjoy the joy of life the way you prefer. Wishing the wellbeing of others is just up to your heart anon

Anonymous 38205

>>36364
Try to forget.

Anonymous 38263

>>36364
>>>/cuckqueen/

Anonymous 38264

I think it's healthier than choosing to hate the person, you'll be able to move on sooner that way



femalerepresentati…

Anonymous 38194[Reply]

meme. do you like it?

Anonymous 38199

this is framed grossly. i feel like this a good meme. i dont even want to share this image, but women have to put with this shit irl. this person in is a position of power. he was ellected to advocate for women.

note this masterbating hand in penis grasp position.

Anonymous 38249

>>38194
This image will never not be funny

Anonymous 38250

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Imagine losing to male females.



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Anonymous 37186[Reply]

>tfw no girl group of internet friends

men suck and their shitty discord servers
69 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38131

>>38130
ah nevermind, it's against the rules. Brutal no frenspill

Anonymous 38156

I have a girl group, what are your discord tags?

Anonymous 38182

>>37186
times like these make me miss my cringy and mildly toxic roleplaying days on skype. i don't wanna be friends with e-girls/streamers, just a common interest and passion… ;_;

Anonymous 38184

>>38130
Someone made a group already, you can DM the person's discord info above and ask for an invite.

Anonymous 38200

The only female friends I have are normie "Mom friends" and it's hell. Never have kids.



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Siblings, toxic family Anonymous 37907[Reply]

My brother has been ignoring me for the past months, I’ll say the past 3/4 months.

To set the setting beforehand, my family is quite toxic. There’s no privacy for us kids, even as adults, our phones are ransacked through, bank letters read because we’re still living under their roof. Constant fights are normal between everyone in the household. When we were younger, for the smallest wrongs we’ve done, it won’t be surprising if the older one would be punished severely ranging from anything being kicked to a corner or being caned till bruises are left. They’re changed people now but still, the effect lingers.

So, me and brother, we’re kind of like all what we have. We’ll share everything from insecurities to ranting about school. We share clothes, we share blankets,heck, if needed we’ll also share pillows.

But soon, I went to university so we barely met. He hates phone calls and texting so, we could barely stay in touch. Still, I’ll try to contact him here and there by maybe asking about my outfit or what photo to post on instagram, anything to keep the connection. Whenever I’m home, our relationship was fine.

Fast forward, somehow he’s close with our mother now. We had a fight a few months back and lord, it dragged for so long, We used to fitght before but never had it been dragged for this long.

I’m not entirely sure what my mum told him but it ended up with him sleeping outside our room. We fought and the only substance was that I told him, his actions are making me angry and I’ll need my space for now which irked him. Whereas for me, I didn’t make sense on why am I getting punished for acting as such?

So for now, because of the pandamic, we’re home together. He doesn’t really talk to me and it’s mostly just me trying to save the relationship. Once, I had a breakdown and went to sleep in other siblings’ room because even if I kinda brushed him a bit, he would make it clear it annoyed it. Even then, obviously, my parents took his side and told me to shut it up and stop being such a baby. I was literally brawling my eyes out as I’m hurt on how could he just cut me off like that but obviously, I’m still the wrong one because this action of mine, might hurt him instead and whatever I’m feeling, I should just deal with it.

Fast forward, we started to talk, more like, he won’t ignore me but won’t necessarily add any content to the conversation. But then, I keep getting hurt by his behaviour.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 37999

As a person who also grew up in a family with few to no boundaries, you must consider that you're now imposing that lack of boundaries you are familiar with on him. He is getting older and wants space from his sister; that's normal. He's going to want to date, be with other girls, and soon, he will be rating his girlfriend's outfits and sharing his stuff with her, not you.

I understand you both grew up close, but you aren't his life partner. It isn't on him to tell you where he hangs out. This seems like a natural process to me. Have you had a boyfriend of your own, anon? I get the feeling you are substituting certain things that people feel in a relationship with your relationship with your brother.

Anonymous 38010

rect79.jpg

>>37907
It's hard if not impossible to have a decent relationship with a sibling in a toxic family. No matter what you do, you're both still stuck in crazy dynamics, and your relationship is framed in this madness.
As far as I know, getting out, building yourself as an individual and then coming back for that sibling relationship you might want to salvage from the family tends to work better (but not always).
It's the usual: save yourself first.

Anonymous 38030

>>38010
thank you for this.
had a big fight with 2 of my siblings- they're inconsiderate and ungrateful. i really wish i just lived alone

Anonymous 38153

/r/raisedbynarcissists

Anonymous 38154

>>38153
>reddit
lurkmoar



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