/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>102895
It was his decision to relocate because of an unclear long-distance relationship, his shortsighted decision to do this despite the potential for financial difficulty, and it's his characteristic flaws which ended up making the relationship unhealthy and unworkable, and it's his underperformance in college which is stonewalling him. He was the decisionmaker - not you. Even the sorts of relationships which seem to have higher prospects, and which host more available information and understanding between the two people involved, often don't justify the risks of moving like that - and he took those risks. He put himself in a position where, if things defaulted, it was he who took the heat. Although it reads like you played along with what happened, he was the ultimate conductor. If you feel any guilt, you're in an unhealthy mindset where compromising your life for a loveless relationship is somehow morally sound. But that'd just perpetuate the damage, perhaps even for the both of you.

>>102895
It's not your fault nona, you didn't sign up to be his carer your signed up to be his girlfriend. This is probably the best outcome in a shitty situation and I'm sorry you had to go through this.

If it makes you feel any better I think if you had stayed with him I doubt he would've gotten any better, seems like he was expecting to be coddled by you and I'm proud of you for not falling for his pity party. Hopefully this should be a wake up call for him to get his shit together. Take some time to heal it's normal to feel this way, I hope you feel better soon and remember that you tried your best <3

I've been clean from cutting for almost two years, and tonight I feel so fucking terrible I want to relapse. Usually I go to the gym or smoke a cigarette instead to get my mind off it but I can't do either right now and I feel like a caged animal. I want to get a piercing just so I can hurt myself without people worrying about me.

>How long have you been self harming?
the first time i did was when i was in third grade, i stopped biting my nails to grow them out solely to scratch at my hand until it got so deep i couldn’t anymore. i stopped once i started nail biting again. in 8th grade i began to do it again as a coping mechanism. it’s been 8 years.
>What made you start?
just my brain with poor mental genetics, abusive mom, really horrible self esteem.
>What types of self harm?
scratching myself, cutting, and last year i started burning my thighs with matches.
>are you trying to quit?
i’ve accepted that it’s just something natural to me as it was something i’ve been drawn to since i was very very young. the only reason i try to avoid it bc the scars are ugly and i don’t like coordinating my outfits around hiding them but otherwise i don’t really care about hurting myself anymore.
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
i draw, just try to distract myself, if i see a point in doing so.
>why do you self harm?
i kinda like watching the blood come out. cuts tend to heal pretty quickly and effectively on me. if i feel bad i just have these inexplicable urges to hurt myself. harming myself is the only effective outlet to get rid of that urge.
>how does this effect your daily life?
i just have to coordinate my left arm to be less visible through body language (having my palm facing inwards at all times basically) but it’s habitual now. i’m very good at hiding my scars, except for my burn marks, but those are only on my upper thighs so nobody sees them.
>any other places you go for support?
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

oh hey nice to know theres a thread for us

>How long have you been self harming?
four years

>What made you start?
dont remember. i do remember being a kid thinking "i'm depressed but i'll never cut myself". younger me thought greatly of older self. oops.

>What types of self harm?
cutting, bashing my head, punching. have burnt once or twice but i don't like it that much but still get the urge to try it some more.

>are you trying to quit?
not exactly, i'm not rn because the razors i have are more tardproof than usual to take apart, and living with family who know.

>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>102897
to add on i saw a nona who SH'd as "sorry" and i really resonate with that, whenever i fuck up i just want to punish myself as if to say "i don't mean to fuck up this is how badly i mean it". i also have some home problems which probably really started the spiral but i don't remember whether it was talking to someone online who also cut that had me try cutting for the first time. i feel like i have alot of guilt, shame and regret which really sends me stupid. sometimes i fantasize about messing myself up really bad and having an S/O take care of me. i don't know how to really feel about all of it.

>>99450
i hope you're away from all that madness w your family nona, you deserve peace and happiness

>>102729
>>102723
I'm in a serious but not soulmate-tier relationship in which marriage has been discussed. He's dead set, I'm kinda "we'll see…" I want to know the possible consequences of marrying someone who, while not being actively abusive or anything, certainly doesn't make me feel head over heels for him. I've read the feminine mystique and I get a strange feeling that the problem that has no name is ultimately rooted in marriages that lack emotional substance.
>>102767
>more conceited about their appearance
Oh, I should say that the woman in question is definitely more concerned about her appearance than she was when we were friends.

>>102798
This is very true, but manipulative moids are relentless

>>102813
why'd you get with him if you're not "head over heels" over him?

also, from personal experience, love isn't being "heads over heels"with someone. it's having a best friend to rely on in tough time, share good moments with, and lwho you can grow alongside. sure, you will go out reignite that spark of love from time to time– or even have a good sex life with– but that's not a healthy ideal in a long-term committed relationship.

>>102798
Males are so coddled and catered to that even having their smallest liberties curbed, such as not being able to cheat on their partners without consequences kek, is a reason to go to a female-only imageboard and post a passive-aggressive response.

>>102813
If a male is offering you something, be assured that he did the maths and he benefits from it a ton (they are self-serving like that). I recommend reading up on what married women say about marriage, and see if it actually suits you. Naturally, if it's something that doesn't suit your lifestyle/desires/goals/needs then absolutely refuse and don't feel bad about it. You can marry whenever, there's no need to rush, but divorces cost money, time, stress, and if you invested a lot into the marriage, then it's a massive loss financially and emotionally. Just to emphasize: people underestimate how straining divorces are, so if you aren't sure about marrying, then don't take the risk until you are.

>>102798
it goes both ways nona - if you earn more than a man (which is increasingly likely in a society where women are outcompeting men professionally) they'll rob you of your health in the process of having kids and money and property

>>102792
Seattle is the only city I've seen people doing drugs in their car at a stoplight, but of those 3 cities I still consider it the best pick. Some people don't like the "Seattle/PNW freeze" but to me it's a plus.

Men are so easy to get sexually. The hard part is finding one that wants a committed relationship. Covid made this hard and now no one knows how to communicate or take a chance without a full blown panic attack

>>102328
i see fat fucks with bright floral hawaians on the daily, i think it's mostly the shirt itself and not the print making it flamboyant

>>102752
we dont want pornsick misogynists that dont wash themselves. its good to have standards

>>102755
and you cant get even that…

>>102757
yet youre the one shitting it up dying for attention from "troons and fat pigs". go enjoy your sex life (and by that i mean go lose braincells and ability to get it up with porn). just make sure to wash it up afterwards, the cheese stink is making us puke through the screen even

>>102721
Wow, American college really is different. Not only campus life but also staff like college counselor

>>102704
>Whenever someone is nice to me I get butterflies in my stomach and think about it for days
That's good and you shouldn't be ashamed of this
>then I remember they probably don't think anything of me
I can tell you that is in everyone of us keeping most of us down. Sometimes people tend to overanalyze daily encounters as if they handle math problems and this fucks with our brains. Just take one of these and hunt for more butterflies. You've made the experience start farming and develop your char

>>102724
While counselors are great, college quality can affect the quality of the counselors. However, more often than not the counselors at colleges are very knowledgeable about the school at an academic, social, and job level. The counselors at my community college all graduated from big shot universities like Ann Arbor or Texas A&M. Hell, most of them come from your average public colleges.

I used to think I got used to being alone, that I didn't and would never feel the craving for touch and affection again but I was wrong.

I spent some time with a moid from my extended family and the frequent interaction and proximity brought all those repressed needs rushing back. I believe I was even starting to fall in love during the last couple of days we spent together. Even now I still spend like 1/4th of the day thinking about him.

Why am I like this, I'm 25 ffs

>>102724
>runescapeposting
kinda based

>>102724
>>102748
are u two ready for NECROMANCY?!?

>>102725
he literally spent 40 minutes showing me his arms and veins. it was kind of annoying but he also asked to bring me home

>>102728
>veins
Did he want you to draw blood from him? It would have been hard for me to keep a poker face here. I'm now sorry that I've talked you into this

>>102730
he flexed alot around me which was boring

>>102731
Do you do martial arts?

>>102731
kek well at least he's trying to impress you, he sounds like he doesn't really know what he's doing

>>102665
are you in one

>>102666
No. I'm just aware of how many restrictions they put on you in those places. Had to literally call on of their IT workers to unblock Zoom cause they flagged it as suspicious.

>>102667
I have made a minor spelling mistake. I am now going to kill myself.

>>102668
Yeah, you suck, nona, this is why you're here stuck with us

>>102643
>I been stuck living in a building with a bunch of mentally ill freaks
I know the feeling. State housing for correctional custody is universally so bad it drives the people forced to live there crazy all over again. I had a 3 month stay in a tiny commieblock-inspired flat on the edge of an industrial estate, where all the lights were flickering bluelight bulbs that bathed the sticky, yellowing apartments in such intense, assaulting and painful light that I had no choice but to live in perpetual darkness. There was a point 2 weeks in where I rolled over on my thin, lumpy, previously-soiled mattress that gave me back pain, stared up the water-damaged ceiling with black mould on the walls and listened to the sound of my neighbour snoring so loudly, through the paper-thin walls, that it overwhelmed the noise of her creaking, wheezing cpap machine, and genuinely considered going to the highest level and throwing myself off headfirst. Honestly, I think I'd rather be institutionalised again than go back there.

good for you
no more solidified cow rape

>>102315
hate hate hate this fucking shit being in almost everything

>>102313
I came here to veganpost but you beat me. Anyway, thanks for not killing me this time nona

the trick is to buy more before you run out, so then when you run out you have more, and then you can buy more to replace what you bought before, so when that runs out, you have more.

>>102506
this sounds like you might need to lower your standards, by attraction do you mean like to their personality or what they look like? because attraction towards looks isnt good to base long term relationships on anyway

>>102507
I guess at the baseline it would be someone who I look forward to talking to. I don't care about fancy dates or being provided for or even living together (nothing wrong with if you want those things), but it'd be nice to have a companion to enjoy things with and occasionally chat about life, current events, etc.

>>102512
This makes sense. I used to think that if a guy was nice enough, had the same interests as me, and didn't have any red flags that I could essentially gaslight myself into liking him. But I realized pretty quickly that I'd rather do things on my own than do that. So in that sense I'm fine being single forever, but part of me still wishes for the ideal that I could enjoy stuff with someone I care about.

>>102515
I mean their personality. I don't know how to explain it well. I do a lot of things on my own, but I think it'd be fun to share the experience with someone. But whenever I meet men, I never feel excited to invite them to do things with me (the same way I would with my friends). That made me realize I felt very ambivalent about spending time with them, which I assume is not how I'd feel if I was attracted to someone. How am I supposed to lower my standards in that aspect?

>>102506
>>102531
what are your interests?

>>102578
I dunno. Hiking, going to concerts, reading, watching horror movies, maybe other things I can't think of right now. I've met guys with similar interests to me. I know I'm not special. But it's weird because I just never hit it off with them. Like I'd go along with them if they invited me to watch a specific movie or I'd read whatever books they recommended me and give my thoughts, but when it came to movies I wanted to see I realized that I'd rather go alone than have them come with me. Or I never felt compelled to recommend them any of my favorite books. You might think I'm just a solitary person, but I'm not that way with friends. If I had friends who liked the same type of movies as me, I'd invite them to come with me in a heartbeat. And I never hesitate to recommend books to them if I've read something I think they'd like. I don't get why it's like this.

>>102581
don't be a fat pig then