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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

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i am getting more autistic as i age Anonymous 121894[Reply]

22yo autistic girl diagnosed at 16. up until last year i never thought anything of it. that it was just some stupid label given by the doctors to label me as difficult and stuck up.
but now it seems my autism diagnosis wasn't actually a lie. i never had friends that i could get along with like other kids since i was 5 until now. people talking hurts my ears. i didn't really like any of my peers, they were always too outgoing and bright for me. they always did unsoliticed physical contact that made me so uncomfortable i ended up not leaving the house for the next few days. for some reason i cannot handle theatre audio systems anymore. i have to wear ear plugs just so i can watch movies on a big screen in film quality. everything sounds too sharp, like nails on a chalkboard. i cannot maintain eye contact with my psychiatrist and my therapist while talking. i talk staring at my hands while i fold and unfold the paper with my queue number on it (i bought a fidget cube so i can stare at my hands doing useless shit for as long as i need, paper degrades too easy). making exaggerated facial expressions like other people has gotten impossible. (people have gotten worried because my face is unmoving while i interact with them)
i feel like myself in high school where i hated everyone because i couldnt understand them for being so excited and so loud. now im in college and i can understand them more due to reading more philosophical/psychological topics on the human mind. but no matter how much i fucking "nerd out" i can never be truly human and day by day i feel more and more detached with humanity.

i'm turning into a sociopath. the more i have to make myself acceptable to society the more i feel like i am disappearing. this sucks. what if i really disappear and when i do have a chance to be a mother to a daughter, my rhetorical daughter will hate me for being so emotionally flat/empty/dead inside?

say that my dreams of raising a daughter better than my parents raised me will never come to anything. it'll hurt and i'll cope with that but, there are some days i feel so detached and not myself i have this slight unease if i murder family. i already hate my parents so i feel like they'll be the victims foremost if i do lose myself. but what i'm scared of is being so far gone. i commit murder in catatonia and get assessed in court in a catatonic state. no longer human, no different than an animal.

chat im going insane and i dont thinPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 121900

>>121894
the early 20s is when people usually start figuring themselves out, but it takes a while and that process may be longer or harder for someone with autism/social difficulties. there is nothing wrong with being withdrawn or disinterested in popular hobbies/activities. look for things you like doing, appreciate the time spent doing those things, use your time wisely to cultivate your skills.
eventually you'll find like-minded people and form sincere friendships with them, but if you're not interested in that, there's nothing inherently wrong with it either.

if you still live with your parents, try to limit your time around them until you manage to live by yourself. understand people unfortunately will always have certain expectations, but not meeting them doesn't determine your self worth.

focus on what you can do to feel better and build a routine that isn't distressing to you, since you have a lot of sensory issues.
if you truly dream of having a daughter, dont give up on it because of current limitations. but for now you should focus on yourself. once you improve your situation then you can start thinking about that.

being scared of hurting others/going crazy are common fears for people who have gone through abuse. that drives you closer to humanity, not further from it

take care

Anonymous 122600

>i'm turning into a sociopath. the more i have to make myself acceptable to society the more i feel like i am disappearing.

in making yourself acceptable to society, what exactly are you holding back on? or turning off?

Anonymous 122681

>>122600
NTA but I hate society, so I don't want to be accepted


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Anonymous 122659[Reply]

this girl on my insta looks like she's having a psychotic break and i'm terrified because psychosis is deeply unsettling

Anonymous 122660

>>122659
My mother is schizo and its nightmarish, she sometimes gets attacks but is usually normal.

Anonymous 122679

>>122659
Is she your friend?


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Anonymous 122665[Reply]

I'm thinking of signing myself up for an outpatient therapy program. does anyone have experience with these? how was it?

I'm depressed and idk what else to do

Asexual Spectrum Identities Anonymous 120236[Reply]

What are your thoughts on asexuality and identifying as asexual?
23 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 120838

>>120362
Demisexual has always been weird to me since I'm bi and it could describe my attraction to men but not to women (I'm just attracted to women normally). I think it's retarded to label this as a sexuality but I don't really know why it's like this for me either.

Anonymous 120842

i would consider myself asexual because i've never had a crush on a real person. people my age often talk about fantasizing about others, but i've literally never done that before. but, i think that the spectrum of asexual identities are way too wide.

Anonymous 122643

I have a super difficult time accepting it, but I'm asexual. Hate it.
I'm a grown-ass woman who's had sex before out of obligation (because I was always told it's just.. what people do in a relationship), and I just was never into it.

Anyone who thinks asexuality is a spectrum is actin' stupid. It's literally the name: you have no desire to have se & you're not sexually attracted to anyone. The end.

An """asexual""" that actively seeks out sex is like a lesbian who exclusively bangs men.
The word "asexual" means nothing now. You can tell someone you're ace and they'll be like "the sex-having kind, or..?" Like… wtf.

I don't really want to be this way, tbh. It's super fucking difficult to have relationships because of it.
Sucks. Boo.

Anonymous 122654

lol I think it’s real but not a spectrum, yeah. and it’s usually a symptom of a trauma or disorder. I knew an asexual who I actually believe to be asexual and she was so, so, so autistic. like… incredibly so. all the others have admitted being horny to me but then insisted they’re asexual. Interesting… maybe you have some issues to work on!

Anonymous 122662

My view is that it is real, but very rare.

Most people who are asexual have either had bad experiences and turned off sex, or they have a health issue. Maybe their hormones or something else is throwing them off.

Humans never made it to this point without sex and making babies so genuine asexuality would be incredibly rare.


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Anonymous 122601[Reply]

>When he suddenly stops talking to you without any explanation
>Start to question yourself and have a series of self-doubts
>When you see him active on other apps and deliberately ignoring you now

Do men even KNOW how painful it is when they do this?

Anonymous 122602

hes prolly trying to get revenge on having been ghosted, blocked and ignored by women. do the same to him, replace him.

Anonymous 122611

I'm coming to a conclusion that incels are just salty they can't be this made up image of Chad in their mind with ghosting and pumping and sumping, cause clearly they are projecting hard

Anonymous 122618

Stop looking for your reflection in the actions of other people and you'll feel better

Anonymous 122758

not your fault, he's evil


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how to cope with being genuinely ugly and undesirable? Anonymous 122270[Reply]

i don't know what to do anymore. i want so badly to form a deep connection with anyone, but nothing i do makes me feel less like a creep for wanting to do so. i haven't had a bf since middle school– and even then he broke up with me because his dad told him to once– not only because i'm ugly, but because i'm a burden and not willing to take any risks. i have absolutely no self-confidence anymore and nothing i do, nothing i achieve makes me feel better for more than a day.
10 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122547

lower your standard
looksmaxx
hit the gym
run
diet
be productive

Anonymous 122548

>>122547
if i do this would u give me chance nona

Anonymous 122549

>>122548
chance? chance of what?

Anonymous 122595

>>122270
I wish women would start loving themselves more, a moid liking you isn't what society tries to sell you, and it's not a measure of your worth by any means. It's not even about attraction, men literally see women as nothing but holes, they'll fuck animals, babies, corpses, trees, anything they can stick their dick into, so killing yourself in an attempt to be "desirable" with diets, makeup, surgery, uncomfortable clothes, or becoming depressed over them not liking you is just not fucking worth it. Hell, my ex was both poor and ugly (the supposed "good guys you should go for") and that didn't stop him from getting off to loli rape porn and becoming incredibly aggressive when called out, no matter how much genuine love and kindness I had shown him before. There's a reason why even good looking men stay the fuck away from men, they're all equally incapable of love. You're safer, healthier, and ironically glow more when you don't have a leech by your side demanding things from you and berating you for not meeting them. Love yourself nona.

Anonymous 122596

>>122595
good looking women*
I said the word "men" so many times that my brain didn't make the switch, but yeah, just look at the 4B movement for starters. Ugly or hot, fit or fat, poor or rich, short or tall, all men simply want to use women and discard them the moment they aren't useful anymore, so don't let it dictate your life.


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tryharded life but failed maybe Anonymous 120115[Reply]

>be me, young girl
>not really sure what i want to do in life
>figure that if i work hard in school i can get a good job, make money, and raise a family
>do that
>date a guy my age for 6 years, doesn't work out
>ok
>start dating a new guy my age, i love him but he's kinda broke
>graduate with a STEM degree, 4.0 GPA
>no jobs hiring STEM undergrads, want higher degree/experience
>ok
>start grad school as a PhD student
>doing a good job
>exhausted from working on my thesis every day
>paid crumbs, live in shitty apartment
>realize i'm 25
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
47 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121376

You want too much for a world that's crashing very badly. You should be grateful you can pursue any career at all and are not forced to protest on streets about the price of wheat. I am not from USA so 90s and 50s were all equally horrid. My mother and my grandmother all of them worked multiple jobs to feed their kids, and even though grandma's husband was military man he just ate too much so that kids had nothing left after he had his part. Being a caretaker IS being a breadwinner. As a mother, you will be the only one who cares and the only one who will have to actually sacrifice something for them. Whenever that's fulfilling is another question, but you seem to have an idea that having kids is supposed to be easy way out, when it's not. Get a perspective. You were not born to laze around, you were not born aristocrat. You can still have kids if you want it but given how you think about your whole situation, you actually don't. You really aren't ready for the lifelong labor that it entails. Men don't really care about children, they lie when they claim to do; and thus they will betray you one way or the other if you expect them to help you with raising kids. Some will lose their jobs, others cheat, third ones beat and drink, the fourth one will be escaping family relations with work and your children will never see him and have same mentality as single-mothered children. Et cetera, the ways men betray their children is endless. There is no winning here because they really REALLY do not care. In any case being a sahm is privilege, a dream; not a right. Having a job however is a right since that's what your own survival depends on. A lot of people nowadays can't even get that much and are forced to be forever their parents dependants with no way forward. Back in the days in European villages there was a custom to keep youngest daughter tied to her parents to take care of household when they are old; she would never have a right for kids or love and when the parents eventually died she was 45-50 out of commission for marrying, growing old and weak herself, forced to be a beggar and abusestock at her brothers family (if they took her at all). Would you like to be born to be that type of "caretaker"?

Anonymous 121474

>>120115
it's really hard econonically right now. honestly, people like to say if you work hard you'll make money and live well, but the truth is, that the wealthy are making 5-10% a year on their assets while the economy grows at 1%. and with that money they buy more assets, increasing that rate. that means houses and rent will continue to go up, services will continue to get worse and more expensive. ordinary people get poorer when the rich get richer. you and your bf would have done enough to own your own home and live very comfortably in the mid-20th century. so don't feel like a failure in a system that makes it extremely hard to just get by.

Anonymous 121625

>>120406
Retarded literally means being behind in development. Kids aren't retarded if they're well developed for their age. That said, emotional isolation from either of the parents leads to at least partial retardation.

Anonymous 122380

>>120140
>oh ya that is an important job. I’m sure you take good care of your husband
kek
peak seethium

Anonymous 122525

>>120696
The hell? He's been doing that since you were dating your ex? Was he a friend or a simp waiting till you break up and hop on to you the moment you got single? What the fuck, this sounds like it's gonna end badly


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Anonymous 122069[Reply]

Roommate keeps humping and groping me in my sleep and now my dog snaps at me when I try to get her to sleep in my room instead of his. Maybe I am unlovable
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122095

>>122073
Where? I make $11.75/hr and have no reliable family

Anonymous 122098

>>122095
Keep grinding nona

Anonymous 122146

stage his suicide

Anonymous 122155

>>122146
I agree with this nona

Anonymous 122522

>>122069
get a hidden camera and record the freak, send to police, move out and try to find a female roommate at best as u can, good luck nona


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crazy bitches Anonymous 122489[Reply]

So the following just happened today.

Some chick keeps coming onto my SO online, playing off his insults and being flirty. (he doesn't like her)

I've never spoken to her and she was extremely hostile to me: once my SO insulted her from our shared account and she assumed it was ME insulting her and not the person with a history of making fun of her. She told me she doesn't see me as human and kept assuming every single negative thing said towards her was authored by ME. But everything else? Must be the SO. Once again, we literally have not interacted before that moment.

This is all the while she has a public "e-bf" that she makes lovey-dovey posts with and him kinda tolerating public disrespect from her as well.

So lately her stalking and flirting kinda intensified and she kept trying to contact SO, add him as friends.
Today she sent him a DM:
- Why are you ignoring me
- Apologize.
- Sorry.
- Apologize to (my name)
- Who's that?
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 122491

>>122490
ty

Anonymous 122496

hes cheating on you and shes trying to let you know you

Anonymous 122497

>>122496
she can simply tell me without trying to "steal" anyone or calling me subhuman then? or not be mad he's taking my side if she's trying to do that herself?
she's not my friend, nona. she just thinks she owns the guy because they spoke a few times and she's one of those thots that don't have much going on in her life other than flaunting what people she hangs out with.

>>122493
what do you mean tried to touch him?
and yeah, however you call your SO is just a preference

Anonymous 122520

>>122497
you should at least assure to your bf and ask him if she really likes him, if he says no, then you're good you don't need to care for that girl. but if he secretly likes her theres some trouble in that

Anonymous 122521

>>122497
*if he really likes her

bad typo my bad


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How do you deal with retards? Anonymous 122444[Reply]

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this and if it’s not I am sorry.

As genuinely as I can ask this: how do you deal with retards as an aspergers female or outsider in general?

I have a real issue with retards (zoomers specifically) flirting with me, attacking me in huge groups, trying to one-up me socially or psychologically, and I want to know how to realistically deal with them, because they put you in some intense lose-lose situations

Retard profile for reference:
These people are propaganda agents, they take media at face value, they love gender dynamics and shit, they love torturing the meek and autistic, their humor consists of laughing at fat and ugly people, if their retard friend dated someone three years ago they will find it funny to troll this woman, political issues are off the table, they are obvious: women aren’t people, immigrants out me cuntry, love me some carling, simple as.

I have three current methods that always end up putting me in more danger:

1 - ignore them, which will cause them to utilise extreme measures such as sexual harassment, deepfake porn, false accusations, etc if they think they can ‘get away with it’. They will sexually harass you where you know you can defend yourself, and if you do:

2 - threaten them or get aggressive, which will cause them to get extremely excited because now they can attack you in troves with their friends and feel justified. Also may potentially lead to them telling everyone in a 50 mile radius that you threatened them for no reason, which prompts other retards to take pictures of you in public and shit, all while saying “fuck around and find out” or “you think you’re hard” or other homoerotic phrases that don’t apply to you

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 122445

Two methods* not three. Clearly. Very sorry. Won’t happen again

Anonymous 122446

sounds like you're getting harassed by someone in your social circle or are you just talking in general?
what country are you in?

best thing to avoid this that I know, sadly, is getting more social credit. people don't take as much chances if their potential victim is on good terms with people they like. which is tough for aspies and the neurodivergent, but not impossible

Anonymous 122448

>>122446
I'm in the UK. Yeah, I've been harassed by specific people before, but it is a recurring theme in different places (started in highschool, then separately in college). They're always the same demographic

On the social credit point, I recently asked one of my male friends for protection against these specific guys, and had him immediately get in contact with them and give them my info. Asked him why, and he said "because you're annoying"

They seem to attack me because I'm noticeably part of the out-group, so being on good terms with anyone like them is off the table. I will never cuck myself to these bratty zoomers

Anonymous 122469

You need to pit them against each other and destroy their group cohesion.

Anonymous 122505

>>122469
hahaha how very evil


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