/feels/ - Advice & Venting

my dear I miss you so much

It's been almost half a year since we last talked. Even longer since we were friends. I know you still like me. I can hear you start to talk louder when I'm around at school. During geography you avoided eye contact while bringing me my test but I could see you smiling. I was smiling to you too. You follow me every so often on spotify. Changed your bio to send me messages. You're so endearing, I wish you weren't so shy.

I know it is kind of my fault things ended but I couldn't keep waiting and only texting online. I want real contact. I think you understand that too. I was always planning efforts to talk to you, for example before exams. A shame you kept coming in late and had to sit in the front.

I miss your humor. You were so fun to talk to. Sometimes I read back our old, now ancient, conversations and find myself smiling. Somewhere I also think I might've took you for granted. I didn't see your spirit at the time. Now I see how sweet you were to me.

I wonder what I have to offer to you though? Looking back on our messages you were mostly carrying the conversations. I feel like I am too,, mentally ill. You are shy and have no experience while I've been in too many toxic relationships- though you don't know that yet. I'm afraid you might not be able to handle it, and support me right. I don't want to "infect" you either. Sometimes you skipped school after I did and it felt really shitty because I don't want to influence you like that. And what if you are just in love with the idea of me or the idea of having a girlfriend? Would you be okay not having sex? It is my greatest fear. I am too afraid to share all of my history with you- but that should be a part of having a partner.

I don't know. I also don't want myself to keep making excuses and not try anything due to my fear of abandonment and pushing people away. I mean, I'm not (yet) scared you'll leave me but more so, that we wouldn't work out and both end up very hurt. There's lots of "practical" reasons why we are "too" different to work but I still feel so strongly about you- that I wonder if I should just give it a shot.

I am planning on making more contact with you- just you wait. But you need to stop being shy. I hope that if you see I like you too- you have more courage to be direct.

When I can't sleep at night I think of you. I fantasize about us finally talking, going on a date. I want to hug and kiss yoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Stop blaming me for being "selfish" and "overwhelming" when all I did was message you occasionally and tried to help when you threatened to kill yourself in my inbox. You're the one who preyed upon me when I was in a bad place, at a young age, yet I still chose to forgive you. But you're just so miserable you can't grasp that people can care about those who've hurt them. Honestly, I think both of us are pathetic.

Hi. I'm not sure if you know this, but when you view my tiktok profile I get a notification of it. I don't think about you at all, but still get triggered seeing your name, and seeing your name checking on me scares me. After all I've done and subjected you to, you still checkup on me. I appreciate it, because it makes me feel cared for, and I want to let you know I care for you to. Nobody's perfect, I fall into the same loop I've fallen into so many times, even this much later. I still sometimes think you were the one, the only one. But then I think, Im probably just having a depressive episode and am extremely horny.I miss talking to you and I hope you stay safe in this political climate. Thanks. Bye.

>>129925
if this is who I think it is. can you give me some kind of hint so I can know its you?

>>129929
🐝 safe over summer break!

>>129159
moids never like women. all moids unconditionally hate women, they are incapable of love.

>>129169
They are. Andrew Tate's an incel.

>>129172
Totally agree

>>129180
He's a scammer pimp. Is being incel that much worse?

>>129180
You're just proving you don't know or care what words mean which makes your claims of being a femcel all the less credible.

It took so long to remember just what happened
I was so young and vestal then
You know it hurt me
But I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
Even if signs seem to tell me otherwise
Got my hands bound
And my head down and my eyes closed
My throat's wide open

Do unto you now what has been done to me
Do unto you now what has been done

Tool- Prison sex. The latter half of the songs explains how abuse comes full circle, the abused become the abuser. Abuse like this leaves a hole in you that only seems to be filled when you hurt others. But you never truly get your power back.

Yo, listen up, here's a story
About a little guy that lives in a reddit world
And all day and all night
And everything he sees is just reddit
Like him inside and outside
Reddit his house
With a reddit little window
And a reddit Corvette
And everything is reddit for him
And himself and everybody around
'Cause he ain't got nobody to listen (to listen)

Rubbbin on her back as I suck on her NIPPLE!
Mane dis gal stacked butt cheeks like a HIPPO!
Jimmy crack corn Im gon bust on her LIPPO!
Jimmy in my cup my nig take a SIPPO!
Down by da benz so her cheese gonna FLIPPO!
Left the hotel with a limp like a CRIPPLE!
Pretty like highs and her smile had a DIMPLE!
Make her twat hot like a bust on a PIMPLE!

If you thinking I'm straight then you better think twice
Say you ain't got no cheese then I'm Jekyll and Hyde
'Bout to click on this bitch 'cause she need to learn me
Beat her with my pistol when I thought she burned me
It's the first of the month, you can call me Sambo
I'ma dick this ho down 'cause I like to gamble
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AND DID YOU LEAVE ME ANYTHING
YOU'RE THE PHANTOM OF MY PAST
DO YOU EXPECT ME TO LAST, THIS WAY?
(a scar and a phantom pain)

Ninety-nine defence ministers
Matches and gasoline cans
Thought they were clever people
Saw fat prey ahead
Shouted, "War!" and wanted power
Man, who would have thought?
That it would ever come to this
Because of ninety-nine balloons


Ninety-nine years of war
Left no room for winners
There are no more defence ministers
And no jet planes either
Today I walk my rounds
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>>129870
I've been waiting to reply to this while the site was being spammed. I'm really glad its over and I'm so sorry you got those awful replies from some weird pedo. I'm not going to lie to you and say "it gets better." My life is so similar to yours, but there are steps I have taken to make it a lot more bearable.

My first tip is move out! I get it. it's hard, but these people will drag you down. If you have relationships that are contentious but you still want them in your life, that's okay. They will improve with some space. I was heavily abused as a child too and I only really get along with my dad who I love but failed to protect me many times when there is a lot of space between us and my social life is active. Anyone you don't want in your life block asap. I don't know where you are, but most major cities have tons of boards of young people trying to meet people to get a roommate, this is also true of colleges if you are still in school. Consider renting a room rather than a whole apartment too.

>I've always been eccentric and weird but it feels worse now, everyone can tell I was abused as a kid right?
I often wonder the same thing. Try to think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff. If someone can see this on you and it drives them away, you don't want them in your life anyway.

I'm sorry about your awful ex. My ex did something super similar about a year ago and because he's still in my space this has become a prolonged Title IX battle. The fortunate thing is, this man doesn't seem to be in your space. Keep him out of your space, get rid of all the things that remind you of him. Maybe a new phone or mattress.

>I want to hug someone without it feeling sexual, I wish I didn't have sexual thoughts about friends I make. I want normal relationships.
I don't think this website is great about sex, so I recommend finding a space where traumatized sexuality (especially the oscillating between horny and self disgust) are better understood. Sex is a raw, biological thing. It's okay to have those feelings and I've found that the best thing to do here is a sort of radical acceptance of your own sexuality rather than repress it. After my assaults I often wished that I had no sexual feelings, had no body to be judged sexually and felt like my experiences made mPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>129895
Wow this is actually really helpful, thanks sm.

I'm at a "supportive independent living" facility at the moment.

My head is kind of spinning, my main goal is to get a nice backpack and all my belongings gathered up somehow.

I obviously need a job, I'm gonna try and get somewhere that's understanding if I can.

I should've figured my family would abandon me tbh, They're making me out to be deranged and inherently dangerous and it's making me feel like a monster.

Honestly not sure if I can have a relationship with my mom, I just wish she hadn't done the stuff she did recently. She has untreated bpd and the constant splitting episodes were too much and broke me.

I'm going to see if I can get a ptsd diagnosis, I'm pretty sure I have it at this point. I'm praying that I get a good psych or whatever, I'm supposed to get a call for a mental health program tomorrow or something.

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>>129896
>I don't know how to do fafsa on my own, or really anything for that matter outside of cooking and cleaning.
Talk to an advisor in your school about this and they will definitely help you

>I obviously need a job, I'm gonna try and get somewhere that's understanding if I can.
Since it seems you're still in college, try working at somewhere like the student center, women's center or personal counseling in your university. If not i'd be shocked if your facility didn't have options for getting people into the workforce.

>I'm going to see if I can get a ptsd diagnosis,
PTSD is an easy dx to get, but I'm also going to recommend you go through an autism test if you have the means to do so. Since you mention that people perceive you as autistic it is probably worth it regardless. A lot of this is to avoid a BPD misdiagnosis, which is really common with the combination of autism x ptsd. Request a woman!!! I can not stress this enough. Because I don't see male mental health providers I've almost never been labeled some stupid bullshit outside of scenarios in childhood where they only saw me with my abusers in the room. Maybe try the RAINN hotline as well? They are usually able to connect you to free mental health resources within your area.

>>129897
There isn't a university where I live unfortunately.

I'm diagnosed autistic and tried applying for disability with it but was denied because I was diagnosed too long ago. I do often tell people I'm diagnosed.

Thanks for the advice about male providers.

Unrelated but every spring most of my family gets manic and they get really scary. Like none of them admit they're bipolar and it's bad. Since they know I'm diagnosed they end up projecting how they feel onto me and it gets weird, vent over.

The places to move are narrowing as well.

To add onto what >>129775 said, if you cant find a job, look for volunteer opportunities. Also, try to get your driver's license; it really helps you expand what you're able to do in a secluded environment.

This has been me for most of my life. I don't know what to say other than maybe try to find a hobby or some other way to kill time

Start writing.

I can’t seem to get it right so I’m making rock bottom my home

>>129824
Have you tried talking to other people? That'll help with two of those

>>129859

yes, i have some people i try to talk to/be friends with but they never really seem to be interested in talking to me. which i dont understand because i do try to be very polite all of the time despite my shyness

>>129860
You say you're shy but that sounds like you don't speak much during these interactions so they might interpret that as you being uninterested in the conversation. You should find people interested in something you're passionate about. Is there anything you're passionate about?

>>129864
i am passionate about simple things like art, music, stuff like that. when i try to talk to people i want to talk about these things but im nervous it'll seem like im rambling too much.

>>129866
There's nothing wrong with rambling a bit. Some people find that endearing

It gets better, learn to become your own best friend and that warm glow will bring other people close to you. Im 30 and only in last couple years have i made genuine friendships, and even have a bestie now! I used to be miserable and lonely but i learned to accept things about myself and my situation, and found confidence within myself. Have self respect and don't let awful people steer your life in ways you do not want it to go, its better to be alone and calm than being around people that keep stressing you out and draining your energy. Find people who love, care, and want to grow, help them and theh will help you
♡

I was 20 and I had a friend, then I met more people later in life

Pretend you have a lot of friends. When you want to make friends be casual and pretend you're inviting her to your circle rather than inviting yourself to her friend group.

Manifest.

>>129695
you can't make friends as an adult, once high school is over that's it, even if you go to college these days everyone there will be as autistic as jigsaw puzzle of a german U-boat and won't want to be friends

I used to be in a friend group with three other girls and a boy back in high school. Group died out when the group "leader" realized she could make a bunch of cooler, better friends in college and stopped responding to plans to hang out despite us all still living in the same city. It's been 4 years and I just want a friend group like that again.

>>129785
>(but fat tall people are even worse tbh, tall fat bitches looks scary asf ngl)
i kind of like being scary thats the problem i guess. i have unconventional tastes in women and i apply them to myself. i think it would be cool to be intimidating but its impossible to have any type of scary presence when youre 5`3 it sucks

6 inch heels for you

>>129791
im gnc + live in a cold area + theyre uncomfortable. i wish i wasnt malnutritioned as a child so id be at least a little taller

I somehow have multiple +180cm friends and family members old and young, they all complain about it and have horrible posture because they're afraid of standing up straight(bent knees, hunched back). They say they're attracting too much attention and younger ones say they get made fun of. They should be glad they're statuesque and you should be glad you're cute.

>>129794
>you should be glad you're cute.
doesnt really match my personality and the traits that i wanna present. wish there was a way to trade

>>129761
i don't know what work you've done to understand how being groomed changed your feelings about the world and your own safety: but remember that it's naturally impacted your beliefs about vulnerable relationships. it's a- if you go through life thinking everything needs to be hammered, you'll only see nails -type of thing. and by that i mean, if you're nervous even subconsciously about being groomed or tricked again, you're putting too much burden on yourself to hyper-worry about it, which only does yourself a disservice (although it's normal to think about.) caution is warranted, just not to the degree that it sabotages your own plans and desires.
be nice to yourself and those thoughts. you can sit with the worry of the "grooming happening again", and eventually they'll start looking just like thoughts. and only thoughts. they don't represent an actual manifested reality; they're fleeting residue from previous trauma, they can't control your real world. you probably know all of this, so i'm not trying to baby you, but a reminder can't hurt.

hopefully that younger guy will be nice! it's a great idea considering recent data, so good luck
>"Research indicates that older women dating younger men often report higher sexual satisfaction and relationship well-being compared to younger women dating older men. A 2025 study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that women in these reverse age-gap relationships experienced better sexual arousal, lubrication, and orgasm, while men in these pairings reported high relationship satisfaction that strongly predicted their sexual functioning."

>>129737
>they find women in their early 20s (18-25) to be the most physically attractive. desirability peaks at age 21
This is what they're allowed to say.

girl i'm 25 and i'm going to be honest with you i think coming to this website to vent about this is going to make you feel a lot worse about the whole thing than it is in reality. This is a doomer femcel site. Like >>129737 I'm sorry posting the top google ai slop search like actual research was done here is just really fucking embarressing.


I'm 4'10 and look like a little girl, thats just what I look like. Recently I've been dating people with kids and they're really honest about being disintrested in infantalization or ddlg or any of that shit because it reminds them of their children. Men suck but they're not all pedo brained freaks. Most people do actually wind up married. If it is something you want to persue you'll probably be able to do it just fine. Kids are something you don't even need a man for if you have the finances to persue them.

Do you have an older female figure you can talk to in our real life? You will get better answers than the jaded morons on here and I'm saying that as a frequent poster.

>>129780
alot of them are attracted to sexually developed children, teenagers. we know this. but as to whether or not they put these minors in the "have sex with" or "no, that's a child that needs care" box depends on whether they see the subject as a person. issue is, personhood is increasingly being stripped away by the internet, particularly in porn being most boys' first exposure to the female form. and it's always happened in order to drive men's sexual selection and access to their desires depending on when they get the resources to manipulate things the way they want (grown adults.) they know they're not "allowed" to say that they have a physical response or are visually stimulated by teenage girls/boys (post-puberty), because it'd brand them as exclusively attracted to that when they're not. it's a disgusting and grim reality, yes. but a level of attraction doesn't make them all want to fuck kids- and for most that will try, not even exclusively (which would be needed to qualify them as hebephiles, the actual predators rather than "i find that attractive in my head" types.) many are opportunists that lack reasons to care about women and girls as people, so they'd go lower than what they say. but men in general are not looking for children as partners - the quote about desirability seems to be from dating app data, which shows that what they're actually selecting for is grown women. we can come up with assumptions about what they WANT to date/sleep with, but it's better to deal in reality and assume the best rather than the worst (unless we want to encourage op to just give up.)
op was thinking about whether men would want to date her or not. from what we see, their attraction isn't solely locked onto minors. that's what my point was meant to be. if you want, you can assume they're all evil, lying, near-child-rapist scum - i'm personally doing the same. but it's better to give her a realistic view of dating trends imo
>For men aged 25, the preferred partner is 3 years younger (age 22) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-asymmetric-brain/202501/age-gaps-in-relationships-what-do-men-and-women-prefer

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>>129789
That's what they settle for because they can't get what they really want.