/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Idk if I'm being stubborn about feeling this way but I genuinely don't want to have more than one sexual partner in my life. I already did it to someone I regret about doing with since we keep doing this rigamarole of breaking up and getting together. We're both young and in our twenties yeah and while I'm the slightly older one and should know better, I keep folding for him until this past week. We broke up again and I'm not even upset this time, but I'm still committed to my outlook because sex genuinely hasn't brought me much good in my life. I dealt with one miscarriage from our relationship and I just genuinely can't picture myself doing it again with another person.

My ex says I'll grow out of it but, he's not the one who dealt with losing a pregnancy or being a woman in a culture that values us based on our purity. We're both from a similar background so it's not like he isn't aware. Sometimes I regret putting it out for him, I wasn't forced by any means but if I could go back in time; I would've said no. I miss being a 'virgin' but what's done is done, I rather just not be intimate with a male ever again. Am I being too stubborn? Be brutally honest.

I am addicted to listening to whiney male videos on background. Stuff like blackpill and talking about how OVER and hopeless it is. It's like misery porn.

Anyone else?

So, my ex left me a few months ago after sexually abusing me on one occasion. He's admitted to it. I have texts of him admitting to it and apologizing. I'd wanted to leave for a long time, but I'm an actress and playwright, and I really thought he was going to be able to work on and uplift my work before he left. He was friends with a couple of celebrities growing up. I'm very aware this was stupid, and life has punished me for it. We're both in college in NYC for theater. Part of me really wants to file a Title IX, but considering his familial wealth, industry connections and that his mom is a contributor to the DSM it probably would not go in my favor. I'm just scared, I guess. This shit doesn't usually go well. I don't want revenge, but I feel I'm being punished for being "too emotional" during my college acting classes after covering for him most of my Fall semester, as the incident happened over the Summer. It's just not fucking fair. It's a small BFA program, and I just don't know how to get through the next year and a half of school watching him get opportunities over his background as mine disappear because he isolated me completely.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? How did you get through it? How were you able to stop caring about them? I hate that I do. Were you able to not talk about and if so how? Sometimes it feels like this is literally all I can talk about. I'm so fucking angry, sad, and lonely. The stress gives me rashes, but it's been better since we're not in contact.

All love to anyone dealing with anything remotely similar out there.

i hate being short no one takes you seriously and peopl talk about how "cute" you are as if thats somethinf good and not extremely infantilizing. my self confidemce would be significantly improved if i was at least 5`6. short bodies look like shit in general, if youre skinny you just end up making yourself look even smaller and more fragile if youre fat your body starts to look all lumpy and your proportions seem off, if youre muscular you just look retarded any type of volume on short bodies ends up looking retarded. you cant win

A few years ago I fell out with my then best friend. We hadn't known each other for super long but we had got on well from the first time we met and we had a great friendship. The reason it fell through was almost entirely my own fault, I was super insecure and anxious back then, I kept criticizing her over stupid stuff, kept telling her to break up with her bf (so she could be with me more) and etc.
It really hurt when she cut contact with me, but ultimately I understand why it happened and I have worked hard on trying to fix those issues. I am still a little insecure/anxious, but it is much much better than back then. In the end I guess I kind of needed it.

More recently, I made another friend, same story as with her, we got on very well from basically the beginning, but now the complete opposite is happening. She wants my attention and wants to talk to me but is not interested in what I am doing or how I am feeling. I go out of my way to be help her and she never ever returns the favor. I do not even enjoy talking with her anymore and am basically soft ghosting her now, which she does not even realise because she is so self-absorbed. She feels lonely and wants attention and is doing almost exactly what I used to do back then, but I am not sure I can help her at this point. So what should I do? I feel so hopelessly powerless, I am going to lose another wonderful friend over the same issue and I feel like there is nothing to do about it.

My boyfriend who I'll be moving to soon and I had a conversation. I asked if the money he is going to make is going to be enough, and he said yes. I said it would be better if I work too, and not be a leech plus the money I'd bring in would be nice and he passionately refused insisting I wouldn't need to work.
I'll say that I like the idea of being a stay at home mom and stuff, but being completely financially reliant on him is… restricting?
Is this what people call a red flag?
I have to say that he is a wonderful person whom I woud do anything for and I love him very much but every once in a while I think about this conversation.

I’m so frustrated and I feel so defeated because I just can’t make life interesting again. I can’t recall the days anymore and they all just fade into each other and time is speeding up so much because of it.

I’m 28 now but I feel old. I think of memories from just 2 years ago and I barely recognize myself in them. I used to be so adventurous and brave, and it felt like every day I’d have meaningful moments, even if they were just by myself.

Now my life is so dull and boring, it makes me want to claw my eyes out sometimes.

2 years ago I moved to the US on a hope and a prayer. I used my life savings to move on a visa and I had 4 months to find a job. It quickly became clear that I might not find one, and I’d have to go home and be broke and move back in with my parents and start over. But with an ego hit from failing in the US ontop of it. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to go through that humiliation and defeat, or even just how much energy it would all take to start over again back home - so I had it in the back of my head that I might just call it quits with life before then.

Because of this I lived each day like it was my last, I spent all my time on the streets day and night. I made so many good memories back then. I used to walk at night around, I remember sitting in the cold air by a pet cemetery at night just feeling so alive. Everything felt so real. I feel like I lived a whole lifetime in just those 4 months. But even before moving to the US my life felt so much more real.

Now everything just feels fake. I can’t escape the fake plasticness no matter what I do. Every person I meet is just sorta the same, I can make friends with them but its like they’re hardwired to never talk deep about anything. It drives me crazy and makes me feel something terribly alone. I got my wish in the end and got a job and stayed in the US, but its like some sick trick where my wish got granted but the catch was everything in life becomes hollow.

I seriously have no light in my eyes anymore. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. I force myself to go to things and talk to people, but everywhere I go I just stand there with my eyes on the ground like a statue. I feel like part of the decor rather than a human.

How can it feel so different in just 2 years? I just can’t feel anything anymore, I can’t even fantasise about a happy life for myself because I can’t even figure out what would make me happy.
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my boyfriend’s porn addiction is making me lose my mind. I first found out about it in early August but I keep finding out things he’s lying about. At first he framed it as just watching a random video then closing. Then, I found out he used to pay for OF while we were together. after this, I found out that he was doing this shit the entire time before I found out and he had a twitter account for OF egirls + bought an anime porn game. He first blamed his problem on our relationship issues before I found out he was doing it the whole time.
He said that what I sent him wasn’t “enough to look at” compared to porn despite him literally being overweight with a receding hairline (quickly apologized but still).

After I found out about the OF stuff, I started cheating on him online. I was a very popular cosplayer and used to make lots of money off of my looks, so it feels weird and makes me feel resentful because I feel like he doesn’t admire my looks like this. Flirting with girls/guys online feels like an escape from feeling like I’m ugly + feels like a gotcha. It makes me want to show off my body and for a while I even thought of doing gravure work when I move back to Japan. I feel horrible for doing this. I used to hate male attention, but I feel relief when a cute moid hits on me. it’s like a “atleast someone appreciates my looks”.

He’s been a great partner and has been treating me amazingly since but I still feel this way sometimes and I feel like a horrible person. What should I do? Am I a bad person?

Why should I have to settle for an ugly man just because I'm an ugly woman? I hate ugly men.

Men can impregnate multiple women at once so all women should just be able to share the few actual good looking men.