Living with someone with a serious disorder or disability Anonymous 34633[Reply]
Part vent, part desperate plea for help…
My boyfriend whom I live with has OCD among other things. It wasn't a problem before, but the past 6 months it has been getting progressively worse. We spend 4-5 hours (possibly more, he cleans when I'm not home, too) cleaning every day. The whole apartment gets cleaned daily. We can't have any decorations because they'll quickly get "dirty" or become "dangerous." any niisefrom the upstairs or next door neighbors are because they're angry at us. Hands must be washed after everything. All surfaces constantly disinfected. If there's any splashing while washing, clothes must be changed, etc. Going out anywhere takes several hours of prep. After coming home, clothes must be taken off in the entryway, then one has to shower, then clean all areas where one walked (and hey, since you're cleaning already…. Do the other rooms, too!)
I desperately want him to get professional help, but he has trauma and is really distrustful of medical professionals. I offered to go to therapy /counseling together (no medications) but he refused.
I have my own disabilities and I know he's had to sacrifice to help me as well, so I'm usually patient and help. But all I do is work, clean, try to sleep but get waken up because something is dirty/dangerous, repeat. Sometimes for an hour or two he is back to his old self but then something happens and we're back to cleaning. It's so frustrating.
And of course I can't talk to anyone about it. I feel so isolated embarrassed, and frustrated that I can't do more and get won't get help.
Is anyone here in a similar situation (as either party)? What do you do? Any advice?
397 posts and 20 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.Anonymous 79368
>>79331How are you doing, OP? Did you husband ever take up that part time job?
Anonymous 79817
>>79368I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. He hasn't gotten a job yet but he's making some side money with investments, and we finish the last payment on the old apartment next month so my paycheck will go further. Things have been stressful at home because of his grandma's illness and on top of that the family pet is hospitalized and dying. So I haven't been pushing it but I guess I should. Despite the stress things are kind of comfy. Idk maybe I'm just deluding myself. I'll try bringing up work again this weekend.
Anonymous 80046
You need to VENT. You need to YELL at him, give him a good SLAP and tell him the truth about him. You need to tell him that there are many many men who don't go so far into cleaning, that 99% of men would not order you to take a shower after taking out the trash, and that yet YOU are the one who has been doing 99% of the job in this relationship even though YOU are the one with very low standards (clearly, sorry). You need to tell him that YOU are the one who keeps trying to get out of this horrible situation and that every time you let him a chance, he wasted it despite begging you every time to come back. You need to tell him that either he should show you he actually wants you in his life, or he doesn't get to have you.
Anonymous 80047
or simply STOP. You want to stay with him but you don't want to have a shitty life with him? stop letting him make the rules. why should you obey to him despite being the one who holds most of the responsibilities ? MAKE THE RULES. MAKE. THE. GODDAMN. RULES. IN THIS HOUSE.
Anonymous 80051
>>80047Lmao. You've lost your mind if you think the woman makes a single rule in the house. I genuinely can't tell if this entire board is bait or not.
