/feels/ - Advice & Venting

every day, i feel like i am hollow inside. abusive parents, bad childhood, you know the rest. i want someone to hold me and want to take care of me. i feel like theres some psychological need to have someone want to care for you above anything else. i think thats where we get our will to live. from someone else who feels so strongly about us growing and living well. i feel like i can barely function without someone to validate the effort im putting in, and i just cant do it for myself. i try to be my own mom a bit. when i talk to myself or in my thoughts, it's almost always "let's do this, we can do this, we can make it". like i'm a girl trying to encourage a girl, not just, one person alone. but i can't be my own dad. it's different.

it feels like every other girl dates some older guy to fill the hole. but i don't want to date my father. or father replacement. i want my boyfriend to be boyish and silly and immature and we grow together and learn together. i want my dad to be totally solid. a big rock. a storm shelter i can always run back to. i have nobody, and like, it feels like the world basically has no care for someone who needs a father but doesn't have one the moment i'm not a little kid anymore. so whore out for the luxury of being loved that way or just suck it up? i don't want to. i wish i could be close with a man who cares and wants to protect me and would hold me and encourage me but have no sexual tension, no questions or worries that things could be weird. but nobody would even believe me if i explained that. not that normal people accept the mentally ill clearly defining their desires anyway. i guess i just want to know if anyone feels this way too? am i crazy? are women who date older settling for the next best thing or are my "daddy issues" categorically different from that behavior? am i nuts?

>spend years crushing on this one boy
>he's cute and has the same nerdy interests as me and never judges me for them
>plus he's just really hot
>we make plans to literally move in together
>he constantly says flirty shit and even called me his girlfriend many times
>even defends me from creepy moids
>he's just so AAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM

>we both end up making two new friends, hang out with them frequently
>one of them is a girl, the other a boy
>these two end up dating but break up really fast
>she is now with my best friend and crush
>he barely even talks to me anymore
>complete abandonment after everything

how do i even keep moving at this point I've never felt so broken I've never met a man like him I'm scared i never will meet another man who i can trust like that and this girl was so nice but i can't help but hate her now when i shouldn't and i just don't know what to do

What are some green flags you like to see in men?

>logs in
>e-bf "logs out" as soon as I send him a good morning text
This relationship is over, isn't it? He's probably talking to some other girl already.

Nonas is it awkward to date a guy who is 10 years your junior?

I grew up in a very feminine household with little to no male presence, with most of my friends being women up until the end of highschool. I fell out with some of my life long friends due to finding out they were only friends so they could steal from me, leaving only 1 that stayed because she didn't live in the same city as me. At the time I felt betrayed and closed myself off from the area I lived in, resorting to making friends online. I made a lot of friends, even getting introduced into their friend groups, but that lasted about 4 years until it imploded due to petty drama. I'm now 22 in college and I no longer hold hope for making friends despite being in a college that has more female than male students. I've had some bad experiences the few times I did try and reach out like not caring for me but being overly invested in my boyfriend, judging me constantly, or attempting to create a codependent relationship that is all about them. I've never had a friendship where I didn't experience at least one of those things. My biggest question is, does anyone have advice for how to overcome this cycle and make genuine friendships before I'm out of college? I want to make the most out of being in college, I'm not the most socially inclined person, but I do bring a lot of energy to conversations because I love connecting with others.

A lot of therapists are unbearable interpersonally. They learn how to manipulate people by choosing their words carefully when they're in school and completely lose the ability to communicate genuinely with other people.

For most people this isn't a problem, but as someone who knows a lot of therapists, it makes it harder to make friends with them. Out of roughly 20 therapists I regularly communicate with, only 2-3 are capable of communicating without using therapeutic techniques. If I say "I'm going on a date and I'm worried it'll go well and I'll have to make lifestyle changes" these people say "sounds like you're worried about what comes next". No fucking shit, dude. You're supposed to laugh with me about it and say "it'll probably be fine" or something

Most therapists are awful at their job. In this training I was in yesterday, the trainer told the group that asking questions in therapy does not help the client. You're just supposed to manipulate, sorry, motivate them into completing their goals by reflecting stuff they say back to them (but only the stuff you like). Mental health trainings are so funny. Everyone just talks about the most effective ways to manipulate people but if you use the word manipulation everyone will scold you.

Most therapists come from wealthy backgrounds, don't have addiction or trauma experiences, and had the resources growing up to learn coping mechanisms to help them live with their extreme neuroticism. I worked with a lady once, we were doing adolescent substance abuse group treatment, and she would get mad and basically ground the clients for misbehaving. Like she was their mother. She believed her role was to "get them in line". She was afraid of drugs after doing pot once.

Another dude i worked with told me this client was "externalizing" and upset because of his divorce. But the client was actually schizophrenic and actively psychotic, but the clinician believed he was "faking" his delusions "to mess with" him. One clinician stopped seeing a client because the client didn't bathe, even though the client was seeing them for depression for which one of the symptoms was not being able to take care of themselves.

Therapists are deeply self righteous individuals and most of them are crap. People usually see 3-4 therapists before they find one they connect with well and feel cared for by. Therapy can be very helpful to you if you are lucky or if you have the time to shop Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

So basically my boyfriend is kind and loving but his gradually began talking to me like shit more frequently and over silly things. I would not be worried but sometimes when we fight his began doing things like push me or i tried to leave his mums house once to cool off and he grabbed me by my hair and shoved my face onto his bed so i couldnt leave, but this is kind of an isolated incident. im not sure if it is going to begin happening more often because his begun hitting or throwing things when he gets angry. We got into a fight about a month ago and i said i wanted to break up not cuz i wanted to but cuz i felt it was the mature decision but he threatend to kill me. im not retarded and i know these are red flags in a way but do you guys think its just heat of the moment anger in like isolated incidents or should i be worried? he never use to be like this and his dad beat his mum growing up so i really dont expect behaviour like this from someone who grew up seeing that but idk because im scared in the future it wont just be hair pulling and threats and might become serious. when it comes to the way he talks to me he kind of is just apathetic and mean then will become super loving and misses me so i just feel confused. i feel like his turning into someone i dont recognise but i love him so much, more than anyone ive ever loved before. i will probably talk to him about this and mention him turning into kind of a shitty person when his mad so i can combat the issue before it gets bad but i just am posting this here to ask for opinions or advice because i feel a little lost.

My boyfriend and I are on a break from our relationship because he tried to manipulate me in the past. He told me I wouldn't find anyone else who would be as patient as him if I were to break up with him and repeatedly sounded patronizing when we were discussing about deep subjects together. I wanted to break up with him immediately, then I noticed he acknowledged his mistakes before apologizing and now he's trying his best to avoid hurting me. I love him because I can see he's really willing to grow up for me, but I can't get over what he said when we were fighting. Recently he's been crying a lot because he wants our relationship to continue, should I forgive him and give him another chance?

Men are far more satisfied with self-focused and solitary lives. Being unable to socialize hits a woman much harder because we're more socially driven. Yet men get a loneliness epidemic and we don't. Why? Do we not vocalize how we feel enough? What's the board's thoughts?