/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Until recently, I have always been a very loud pro-trans ally. I've attended protests on behalf of trans rights and ended lifelong friendships over even a whiff of transphobia. But watching so many of my trans friends continue to ignore and even defend the issue regarding porn and its' fetishization of pedophilia and violence against women and has been incredibly eye-opening and shocking to me.

I've gotten into SO many arguments lately with trans people I've known for decades regarding the ethics of "barely legal" and lolicon porn. They'll defend it down to their last breath, swearing up and down that making any move to attempt to regulate pedophilic porn will "lead to a trans genocide." They make these arguments… while knowing firsthand that I was groomed and exploited as a kid by a man using lolicon manga. They were IN MY LIFE when it happened. Some have even explained that I am "using transphobic rhetoric" for being against lolicon at all… because "some trans women realized they were trans because of lolicon."

At first, I thought maybe it was just that my "friends" were just not the people I thought they were. I thought, surely it can't be the entire trans community, right? And while I definitely see some trans people advocating against pedophilic porn, there's the entire "pro-paraphilia" side of the community, as well as a huge portion of the community that is basically like "well, ~I~ don't like it, but we can't have ANY censorship because then trans people will be censored!" The violence against women and children have to be ignored so that you don't have to fight for your own rights a little harder? You'd rather protect the pedophiles and sadists than work harder to separate your community from them?

If I am now magically "transphobic" for having an issue with these things that had a direct impact on my life, and so many other women's lives, then so be it. I won't harass them, I won't cause them trouble, but my advocacy for them stops here. I will always prioritize women first and foremost from here on out… because clearly nobody else but us will.

i've only been with moids my whole life, but last night i had an opportunity to have sex with a woman and it was very lovely at first, but i realised during it i wasn't really enjoying it, so we stopped.

after i had left her house i just cried so hard.
i never particularly liked having sex with moids, but i thought that was a moid thing.

i think i struggle with having sex with anybody, it just makes me really uncomfortable despite the fact i really enjoy intimacy and the company of others.
i really like to flick my bean, so its not like i have no arousal.. i just dont like having sex with people.

have any other nonas experienced anything similar?
i feel like im in a weird situation because i can't expect a long-term relationship with anyone if the thought of having sex with them terrifies me.

this is my worst insecurity but i wish i was small. i mean im thin but i feel so tall. i feel like a planet. i want to be cute and dainty and flat chested. i want to be easy to carry and spin around. i wish i wasnt a giant

I’ve been talking to moid for a few months now. Sometimes he tells me about experiences he had with his ex it's not constant, but it happens. I had never seen her and had no idea what she looked like, but recently, while telling a story, he sent me a photo of a famous singer saying she looked like his ex. I think he realized he messed up because he deleted the image quickly, but it deeply upset me.

Yesterday, he told me another story from when he was dating her (it was a toxic relationship; they were constantly breaking up and getting back together). He said he had a close female friend he used to play games and talk with a lot. He claims she wasn't his 'type' and that the friendship only served to fill the void he felt in his relationship, insisting it was strictly platonic. Eventually, his ex found their messages, got jealous, and attacked the girl. However, the girl didn't even know he was in a relationship; she ended up sending screenshots of their conversations to the ex, and the two of them teamed up against him. After that, he blocked the girl and stayed with the ex for a short while longer before they broke up for good.

He says he deeply regrets that relationship, that it was a mistake, and that he only sought out that girl to fill a void. After some time, he and that girl spoke again so he could explain himself, but the friendship didn't go anywhere because he felt she looked down on him and things weren't the same.

He dated this ex 6 years ago, and they broke up about 4 years ago. I’ve never dated anyone before (they dated for years, though as I said, it was toxic and ended a long time ago). I feel stupid because I’ve already told him several times about the things that bother me.

im writing this because i wonder if anybody relates. soooo ive beeen thinking a lot, for months actually. i am a bad person i think, to some extent. i always knew i have issues with attachment and intimacy and getting close to people, just never knew how to fix myself.

one comment that my friend made about me has been haunting me for months, calling me out for my "shallow" relationships with friends and partners. first of all my narcissistic traits kinda wanna tell her to piss off like who are u to claim my relationships are shallow or not, but at the same time why is that lowkey true LMAOAOAOA. cause ive never thought about it that way.

ive always felt lonely with people. i know i tried my best to keep deeper connections but they all slowly and silently fall apart that i didnt even notice it happening until she called me out. i dont wanna sound like a cringe doomer but truly i was never deeply understood. no matter how much i tried to explain myself to people they never got it, and the more i explained the worse it got. i thought explaining would bring me closeness and emotional intimacy but it did the exact opposite. i hated how people could always approach me and feel safe and judge-free when venting to me cause i tried my best to be as understanding as possible, but when it came to me it was never like that. nobody EVER was understanding enough, almost every time i opened up i was judged and misunderstood. after all of that, it is not crazy at all to turn to myself and shut people off. only person i could count on was me. nobody ever consoled me, nobody ever truly listened. all i had was myself. and it seems impossible not to turn a little narcissistic and hyper independent after all of this. if nobody is there for you but youself, how can u ever truly trust someone and rely on them. im never off guard. im always hypervigilant, i can never let go and feel free to express my emotions and thoughts and feelings to anyone. cause if i let it slip im completely at their mercy and after everything how can i expect a positive or a neutral reaction. i automatically expect the worst and just decide to keep it all inside cause its safer than to risk being judged and let down again. i just feel like the more people get to know me the more they hate me. if i can name one person in my life who truly gets me judgement free its my long distance online best friend, but irl nobody is as tolerant and nonjudgemental as them. they dont assume the worst iPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

anyone else??? i just find the role submissive and humuliating, i dont wanna post it on nsfw board bc i dont wanna see anons talk about wanting to do humiliating sex acts i have a phobia of

hey so do I just stop texting this guy or

we just met 3 days ago, told him I have a boyfriend (because it came up in conversation) and we chatted a lot cause we have things in common.

I usually never interact with men on purpose but since I have a bf now and this guy looked alternative like me I thought i could make a friend

bleh
just don’t know how to approach this

Im so sad I'll never have a someone like Napoleon. Sometimes I read his letters and pretend they're directed to me and it's the only thing that motivates currently. I feel like crying since I'll never have a boyfie like this thats this in love with me obsessively. Why am I always falling in love with fictional/unatainable people? Sorry I know this is cringe as fuck but I just need to vent about this sigh. Im so in love with him

I’m jealous of other women.
All of them. It feels like every woman in the world has something I don’t. Something I’m missing on a fundamental level. Not just looks. Not just personality. Something deeper. Like they were given a manual on how to exist as a woman and I wasn’t. I don’t measure up. Not in my appearance. Not in how I act. Not in how I talk. I feel like I missed whatever makes someone naturally normal. I feel like a failed version of what I’m supposed to be. Like some kind of glitch. Being around other women makes it worse. I don’t feel like I belong. I feel awkward and wrong, like they can sense that I’m different. I compare myself to every little thing, their confidence, their ease, their femininity, and I always come up short. What makes it worse is that I actually want connection with women. I want female friendships. I want that closeness. But I feel like my jealousy and insecurity just poison it before it can even start. I’m scared I’ll ruin it or that they’ll see through me and confirm what I already believe. That I’m not enough. The only people I really talk to are men, and I’m exhausted by it. Men only end up hurting me. But somehow I feel more comfortable there than with women, even though it’s not healthy for me. I’m just tired of feeling like a failure as a woman. Tired of feeling behind. Tired of feeling like everyone else got something I didn’t.

Honestly, their code of ethics is rancid, but I truly wonder if the Etsy witches when in communion, can manipulate the fabric of our reality and make quite the pretty dress for me to wear to cure me from my mind and bad luck with love.