/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>124908
NTA Are you saying nona is soo mental that no matter how beautiful she is she won't gain anything from it?

i've always been the "ugly kid" growing up (still am). i got called "it", "thing", etc. eventually i learned to accept that being ugly was/is my reality but it still hurts to know i'll never be considered "eye candy" to anyone.

>>124920
Even if that was the case I doubt it. People underestimate how much value you gain or lose from looks.

>>124920
I'm saying that physical attractiveness isn't a substitute for sound mind.

Once, when I was at university, my friends discovered my other friend's Facebook password to post shit on his account. We ended up reading some of the chats (shitty I know but we were dumb) and in one of them he ranked the girls doing our degree and I was the last one. He even told the person I was the ugliest from the bunch. I didn't even know the other person. Good times.

>>124850
Still need someone to shoo the cats off your corpse when you die.

>>124842
Is it that you don't want children or are you scared of your identity changing as a wife/mother?

If it's the first one, there's a whole childfree community where people date others who don't want kids.

If it's the second, IDK if what I have to say will help or not. If you already possess the capacity to fall in love with someone, fall in love with the right kind of person who shares your values, and the loyalty to stay with them even when the honeymoon phase is over; You'll adapt to starting a family just fine if you chose to go that route.

>>124852
>Is it that you don't want children or are you scared of your identity changing as a wife/mother?

Mostly the latter. I'm not sure if I want kids yet, I think it's so risky and that you'll have to pour a 100% of yourself in it, honestly I don't even feel like that's worth it in most cases. What if I give my life to someone who I'll probably not even get along with?

>fall in love with the right kind of person who shares your values

That's the thing, I don't know if they're out there, I'm a pretty radical feminist and men aren't big fans of getting their privileges taken

>>124855
Instead of looking for a man who wants his privilege checked (because nobody wants to feel like shit) look for a guy who shares your core values and is willing to learn further, then build on that. If he's willing to learn that's half the battle fought right there. A relationship that results in marriage, and the marriage itself, is a ton of hard long-suffering work. It's not 50/50 either, each side has to give 100% of themselves to the relationship. Maintaining it, upholding it, and improving it. Communication is key and as long as you both can and will communicate then you can always overcome whatever life throws at you. My parents have been happily married for around 40 years. I'm the eldest out of 5, not including two miscarriages. I've seen them fight, and makeup. I've seen them be away from each other for weeks at a time because my dad was in the Air Force and was going TDY. We've been dirt poor, and middle class. My mom has COPD because she smoked, my dad had an aneurysm burst in his brain and that's spelled countless medical problems. Now they're both getting old they're in their 60s my mom has bad bones, my dad is dying of cancer. No matter what they still love each other. They put each other first at all times.

That is not optional. That is mandatory.

You have to find someone who you can be that with. One whole being. When the times are good and when the times are bad. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. Until death do you part.

Don't let the overwhelming negativity of modern society get to you there are still people who are out there and want that. But it takes searching. You have to get off your ass and find it, it will not come to you. Don't be afraid of putting yourself out there because you are worth it. What you want and what you desire in life is worth it. It's worth getting hurt, it's worth getting rejected. That love does exist. But like anything that is worth something it is not passive. It has to be worked for, and you must set aside everything to obtain it.

Do you have the intestinal fortitude? The fact that you want it says you do. All that remains is for you to obtain it.

Good luck and Godspeed.

>>124858
>Instead of looking for a man who wants his privilege checked (because nobody wants to feel like shit)

Well women feel like shit all the time. I don't care if a scrote has to feel like shit for like a week in order to stop being a public menace. I think I might just try sticking to women.

For me the problem is not that someone may disagree with me, but that there are always a few crazy unhappy people who want to make everyone else deal with that. But also, did you have critical parents nona? I find that sensitivity to strangers is related to it.

>>124956
I like to think of an internet as a dive bar that anyone can go to. You might meet nice people occasionally, but a large percentage of them are miserable bar flies that want to bucket crab the people around them.

Also don't go to 4chan. That is like the dumpster fire behind the dive bar filled with porn and screaming racists.

>>124957
Relatable. I don't like to call it that though because Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria makes people think it's a trans thing instead of an neurodiversity thing and it's been co-opted by whiners who can't take any criticism and excuse it with that

>>124960
I personally had a pretty critical mom, don't know if it's different for any other anons though

I manage to post on here from time to time but then I'd have to suppress the urge to not delete before the 30 minutes mark

>>124965
Looks like you made it!

>>124940
Is this Hitler? It looks off but vaguely like him.

I have a similar problem, nona, although sometimes I find solace in creating things I like. I get quickly frustrated cause I suck at it, though.

>so many people are just doing things to cope with same dread and loneliness
I don't think so. I've experienced failures after failures, and also I'm not normal and my frontal lobes are genetically fucked up. Meanwhile, you can see a glow in normies.
They still believe in god, they still believe in materialistic consumption, they still believe in looking good, they still believe in the lies that is peddled by capitalist consumerist culture on TV and mainstream media, they still believe that earning money and buying products will make them happy, they still believe that they too have a chance to get back at the world that has "failed" them, only if they tried hard enough, and anyone could become like the celebrity they worship, they still believe in a lot of things, and this drives them.

Maybe purposes don't have to be the same thing throughout your life. My primary purpose right now is so basic - to be "functional" (getting a job and becoming a responsible (tm) adult) and learn / develop systems to cope with my problematic behaviors. It's too narcissistic and navel gazing but this itself is a huge struggle to me.

Try some questionnaires (in picrel it's self-direction, stimulation, and security for me), online or with the help of a therapist. There's something in you that already intuitively tells you what you want to do, but years of inaction, suppression and failures has buried it. I once sat down for 3 or so hours and really thought about it, and came to the conclusion that I want to run a cat shelter and make the world a better place for cats, but unfortunately it's not sustainable.

>>124955
>My primary purpose right now is so basic - to be "functional" (getting a job and becoming a responsible (tm) adult) and learn / develop systems to cope with my problematic behaviors.
Good luck nona!! It may seem basic but I think these goals are respectable anyway, it takes a lot to get over a nonfunctioning lifestyle for most people.

>>124963
Thanks!

>>124395
A lot of people share your feelings, but I think you all generally misunderstand the issue. There is nothing inherently problematic about things like instant messaging or the internet. The problems you see are purely a reflection of humanity. The underlying problems were there already; they just don't immediately manifest in "new" stuff.

>>124395
>>124468
Imo a big part of it is that post smartphone the internet stopped being a "place". It used to be you couldn't take it with you very easily or cheaply. So once you were off early social media or forums you had a break and had to confront the real world.
Now you can always be voyuring for social media, always be easily distracted and always be a click away from whichever self reinforcement you prefer.

>>124468
>There is nothing inherently problematic about things like instant messaging or the internet.

yes there is. if you understood the nuanced differences between early respectful/consensual/peaceful internet communication systems and the current, biased, infiltrated, automated, security-addicted, debt-based, disrespectful patronizing consumer-systems and the war that is happening behind the scenes you would not mention such ignorance.

plus you base what human nature is on everything that happened after the begin of agriculture a few thousand years ago. there is a timespan in the hundreds of thousands of years where the anatomical modern human climbed down the tree and survived without settlements. to speak of human nature without accounting for this time where things were different again to me is quite ignorant. makes me wonder if you are in the business of ignorance because amateurs usually don't exhibit such professional level of ignorance.

>>124514
>early respectful/consensual/peaceful internet communication systems and the current
Anon… the very fact that these two existed at all is proof of my point. I don't understand what you're disagreeing with me on.
Can you clarify your point on "human nature" or whatever? It's very unclear.
>>124512
The reason it was a "place" to people like you is because you were a tourist. If you want to gawk at things or "explore" there are plenty of alternatives even now.

Text messaging is the lowest form of human communication next to violence. I hope that smart phones are stigmatized some day and people will use them in moderation.

>>124932
i regret my past behavior in the telegram group where i made mean and racist comments at the time i thought it was funny and the anonymity gave me a false sense of power but i do realize it was a poor choice and not really satire my biggest concern is that this might end up with my old school being contacted and that could lead to my parents being involved they are good people and i really don't want them to be affected by this, i genuinely have grown up from all of that bullfuckery and childish mindset of asserting power, i donot even remember being racist to somebody all i know it i used the n word casually and some other offensive terms to describe my position and life but i never intended to use it in a racist way

im sorry for making this thread all about me i really am please forgive for any trouble caused.

>>124934
Hey, it's ok nona, this board is made for threads like this.

Honestly you just create a new handle and move on. I had a similar issue happening to me a couple of years ago and that's what i did. I didn't have any issues since. I put my account private a couple of months then I came back to post to it afterwards, I only use it to post stuff unrelated to the doxing people. This way I don't give them any fuel.
But yeah I know it sucks, good luck to you, I know it hurts, but trust me you'll grow out of it affecting you. Even the moid will move on to another prey sooner or later. I had to deal with a similar kind of stalker and after a while their obsession for you starts diluting if you don't give them any attention. They'll just move on to another obsession. They're looking from a reaction from you, direct or indirect (ie: showing distress), if you don't give them anything they'll have no choice but to move on.

Best of luck to you anon, I know what you're going through, everybody can and will make mistakes, especially as a teenager. Please stop checking the site too.

>>124932
This. They will get bored and lose interest, move on, and forget. It will take time but you will forget too. Maybe you will remember from time to time and cringe, but it will go away.

what you need is a good dicking

Oh nonono s…

>>124784
I hope you get one too nona you sound like you're a big fan of them <3

lesbian relationships suck most women are cunts

>>124901
That only makes sense seeing as how all women have them.

>>124755
This is her life, and that's what's frightening.

>>124755
He wasn't perfect, just lacked flaws. The truth is OP is clearly still mentally developing and needs to go through retarded milestones like being a mean girl at high school or whatever. A wholesome chungus bf that doesn't have a personality is good if you're all grown up and resigned to making a family, but that's like making a teenager hang out with a toddler or grandpa instead of their peers.

>>124690
Good for him and glad someone else can have him. No wonder so many men think women are insane.

>>124690
Reading this made me visibly angry. I feel actual hate.

>>124190
>>124923
Reading your story really resonated with me. A few months ago I was dating what seemed like the perfect man. Smart, intelligent, respectful and everything I could have ever wished for. However I was insecure especially since he had been in a two year relationship before me. His ex girlfriend was drop dead gorgeous and I found myself constantly comparing myself to her. I would stalk her social media mention her name to him and do all sorts of things that I know frustrated him. Despite his obvious frustration I couldn’t stop. I was convinced that he only got into a relationship with me because it was so soon after his breakup. I even convinced myself that I was just a rebound.

There were times when he lied to me when there was no reason to and I noticed he was insecure about himself which made me sad because he was actually stunning and incredibly smart. Eventually I began to find him pretentious which was really disappointing since those were the qualities that initially attracted me to him.

When he broke up with me he said he couldn’t handle the emotional strain I was putting on him. We had been in a long distance relationship met online and I’d even met his family. I begged him to stay but my insecurity and emotional immaturity only made things worse. It’s been a while since the breakup and though we still talk I always text first and he replies quickly. I’m even moving to his city soon. I tried to reconcile things but he told me he didn’t want the relationship and I understand now.

I also saw that he followed his ex back on Instagram which made me doubt if he ever truly cared about me or if I was just a rebound. He seemed to care but I realize now that closure might just be a myth. It’s none of my business what he did to me now. It’s over and I truly understand that it is.

One important thing I’ve learned is to be patient and self-aware in relationships. Before getting into another relationship it’s important to understand your own insecurities and what you need emotionally. Don’t rush getting to know someone. Let the relationship grow naturally during the talking phase and take time to understand the person’s values, intentions and character. Most importantly focus on building your self-worth without needing validation from others. I’ve realized that the biggest mistake I madPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I hate myself, or I just have really low self esteem. I'm stupid, ugly and have had an awful reputation for being a complete jackass. The way I presented myself for the past few years was so off putting and annoying. I'm a sensitive person. When people, especially men, get stern with me I want to explode. Why does it have to be so difficult for me to change this? I mean me sheltering myself, taking online classes and not going out to interact with the world isn't helping me. My, fucking, gosh.

>>124865
Too many women think having a husband increases her value, and they constantly bring him up in conversation when no one asked. Imagine thinking anyone is jealous of being stuck with a disloyal, quick to anger subhuman whose demographic has high amounts of cheating and DV. Surely we can agree that men are not the prize and need to be taken off the pedestal.

>>124900
ok

>>124873
I'm not sure I understand, but I wish for once I could just meet people who can be honest about their actual feelings and not act seemingly terrified of socializing with me. Maybe they don't realize how much it hurts my feelings to pretend to be interested in spending time with me then lie like that, repeatedly. As usual I'm left feeling lonely today…

>>124907
:(…
I've managed to avoid that kind of hurt by never really making plans in the first place (bad solution lol)
If you're into this sort of thing, tonight's a New Moon. So if you'd set up for a group thing and everyone feels distant or unready, it could outgoingness at its natural ebb.