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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


/goodfeels/ Anonymous 51045[Reply]

post about something positive that happened to you, even if it’s small
126 posts and 33 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 97144


it will

Anonymous 97147

Virgins' Empire - …

Anonymous 97151


I have friends who like to spend time with me. We even got to travel together, something I never would have seen as possible just a year ago. Shit, two or three years ago I thought I hated having friends and hated leaving my house.

I'm also talking to a woman I think is really cute and perfect (to me). It may go nowhere, especially since she lives a bit far away, but for now having a crush to talk with is nice. Hopefully within the next year I can move out and even meet her in person.

Anonymous 97200

I had steak for breakfast! I don't eat meat a lot so it was a treat.

Anonymous 97232

that sounds awesome omg


Relationship General #2 Anonymous 84469[Reply]

Old thread reached bump limit: >>>/feels/68927
>?s about romance, love, potential partners, etc.
>experiences and wishes
491 posts and 66 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 97150

Just break up with him, he wants something more that you can never give him.

Anonymous 97163

What did you do? The cold shoulder is such an immature way to handle hiccups in a relationship.

Anonymous 97166

>I’m not super invested in him and he’s not the last man on earth. All this to say, I wouldn’t throw my life away for him
I mean no disrespect but is the man you want to settle down with? Maybe it’s fine for a regular relationship, but if he were the one you’d be crazy over him and “super invested” and never say something like this. Just something to consider

Anonymous 97198

First he mentions a breakup multiple times because of his anxiety, and then he tells me he applied for a college program with a 50/50 chance of having him move across the country for several months to over a year. I feel like I can't catch a break. I've done everything right and this is happening to me.

Anonymous 97217


I guess I'll ask it here since this is the relationship thread. For the nonas with BPD and broke up with a boyfriend before, how can you tell the difference between breaking up with him because he's disappointing, and breaking up with him because of your BPD? At what point in a relationship did you realize it wasn't your BPD, and really just your boyfriend? Also, what do you think of those dudes who armchair-diagnose their exes with BPD?


Unsent letters Anonymous 2119[Reply]

Ever wanted to give someone a piece of your mind but you know you'd just regret it? Post in here and get it off your chest.
244 posts and 49 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 97029

Hey A,

I wish we could catch up every once and a while even if you don't want to be real friends any more. I get that our lives have kind of gone in different directions. But I miss you.


Anonymous 97037

Dear m,
I will never forgive you for what you did to me as a teenager, you get off on being envied and you projected that onto me. Did you think that was an excuse to scare a kid for 4 years? I wish the car that hit you did more than dislocate your jaw, i wish it actually killed you. I might not have to go through that much emotional pain. You are a selfish predator, you couldnt even contain it from your own little sister
Dear A,
I hope you also die. You’re a retard.

Anonymous 97061

dear K
i was deeply in love with you for a time, but there was always something in our relationship that wasn't quite right. even when we were just friends, you had little to no respect for me. i see now that you were just with me because you thought i was attractive, and after the honeymoon period receded, your abuse thoroughly mindbroke me.
i'm not angry with you, and i'm not in love with you anymore. i don't really miss you at all anymore, either. i see that you've started to go to therapy (which you defensively scoffed at me for suggesting), and i hope you're happy with your new person. i think you have the potential to be a good person, and i understand that your upbringing wasn't good, but that's not an excuse for hurting others. you hurt me really badly, in ways i don't think you'll ever understand. i suppose i don't really want you to understand.
i do think it was a bit (read: a lot) shitty for you to offer to be friends and proceed to block me and not respond to my email reaching out to you. you could have just broken up with me without lying to me like that.
i'm sure you've told everyone you know that i'm your "abusive ex" to garner sympathy points, and you know i'd never tell them you hit me.
so…we're over forever, i guess. now that i think about it, i don't think i'd talk to you if you tried. maybe i'm wising up.

Anonymous 97202

Dear T,

I don't know how to start this. This might seem a little irrelevant since It took place a couple of years ago but that is not the point. What you said to me, and I know you remember, really stuck with me. In addition to all of the micro-aggressions you would throw my way. You're really shady, passive-aggressive, and display catty behavior, especially for a man.

I still have a lot of anger for you that I have still yet to process. I need to feel my feelings and allow space for myself to be angry and I know that the moment I will will be glorious. I'm gonna get stronger and go to a rage room to unleash all of my anger. No, I don't forgive you.

Eat shit,

Anonymous 97203

Dear N, M, & J,

I don't want to be your friend ever again. Growing up as a black girl in pwis all my life, you guys would make racist jokes and I would just be your token black friend because you didn't treat me too bad. I don't want to be your friend ever again and I don't want apologies.

This is my setting boundaries, which is my year-long goal for the year 2023.



tfw no bf Anonymous 85586[Reply]

Still no bf edition.

previous threads:
342 posts and 46 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 97126

are you sure you wouldnt be better off alone?

Anonymous 97130

I don't think that a lot of people would be better off alone. It's in human nature to want ot be with other people. I used to think that I should be alone, since I feel the best when I'm by myself. But loneliness is just making me feel increasingly worse
as the time passes.

Anonymous 97145

sure, but if you're not in a right state of mind when you date, you'll just lead yourself to getting hurt.

even if you find your dream BF, if you're not in the right state of mind the relationship might not work out

Anonymous 97175

im so horny i feel like it is causing me to become neurotic and ill. when i see people in public who are dating i get so angry sometimes. i wish i could just have a boy fall in love with me, and that i could feel like a normal girl.

Anonymous 97201

Whenever I see a happy couple, or just people who are clearly in a relationship I just get sad most of the time.
>i wish i could just have a boy fall in love with me, and that i could feel like a normal girl.
Definitely can relate. Sometimes I don't even feel like a human when I see how detached I am from normal people.


Limerence Anonymous 85259[Reply]

Anyone else here struggle with being extremely limerant/obsessed with certain people? I’d like to hear your stories. Rather not tell mine though.

213 posts and 22 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 96955


Update: I'm still obsessed with her, just in a different way. I realized that I will never ever get her attention, because i've tried. I tried small talk a few times and it seemed to be ok but then I noticed she never waves her hand or says hi when I see her in the halls in school. So she probably dislikes me for some reason. But I want to be her. I think this feeling is called jealousy. She is what I want to be. I want to stop thinking about her but it's pretty difficult when I dream about her every week

Anonymous 96970

>that he even had an ex-fiancee, built a whole family tree, including step-parents
wtf HOW? lol

>3. A professor I found out has dark triad traits (through his social media.) I never liked him, something about him always felt off to me but everyone loved him so I put it off. I then found his social media.

again, how? they couldn't have been under his name since he has a very public reputation to protect as a professor, especially nowadays. are you sure they were really his profiles? I'm fascinated by this level of sleuthing.

Anonymous 96972

>he found her when she was 16
>still friend with her 2+ years later when she's definitely an adult
how does this indicate "pedo"?

Anonymous 97035

>wtf HOW? lol
I found out he changed his last name, then I googled his old name and an old alumni college catalog came out. It stated that him and this woman were going to get married in the summer of the following year. I noticed no ring on his finger (in class) and him mentioning having a girlfriend, which means he was dating another woman. I researched the woman (ex) and found out she married someone else. It checked out that it was him because I found pictures of his ex on his sister’s Facebook page from years ago.

>again, how? they couldn't have been under his name since he has a very public reputation to protect as a professor, especially nowadays. are you sure they were really his profiles? I'm fascinated by this level of sleuthing.

I found his daughters Instagram page because he and his family do events together and a page listed her name. I then looked her up and found her Facebook. I found his Facebook page through hers. I saw he commented a certain username combination. I searched it up and found his Twitter, which is where I found the comments.

Overall, my sleuthing has made me more and aware on how to be safer on the internet. Even if you’re super safe, it only takes one person +1 from you and someone looking you up can learn so much. I’ve been considering getting into OSINT professionally.

Anonymous 97197

I feel like I could stop obsessing over him if we just talked and I figured out everything about him and kind of "demystify" him for my brain but despite him saying we'll remain friends he seems very distant and indifferent so I don't wanna bother him with it. He's polite enough but it seems like he's just being nice out of politeness and doesn't actually care for me. And me not understanding him is the fuel for this obsession. Why can't I just be obsessed about something easier to get over with?


vent thread anonymous 97173[Reply]

I want to die, there is no chance of recovery. No matter what kind of thing I do, it's certainly a failure, just a final resentment added to my shame. All that can happen is that one filthy sin will be piled on top of another and my sufferings will become more acute. I want to die, I must die, living itself is the main sin. I've always swayed with fear in front of human beings. Unable as I wanted to feel the smallest particle of confidence in my ability to speak and act like a human being, I kept my melancholy tucked away in a box inside my chest, careful that any trace was left exposed, I feigned optimism.

Anonymous 97187

Why didn't you post this in the vent thread

Anonymous 97194

It sounds like you're caught up in the illusion of a downward spiral and talking yourself into a hole. Unfortunately not much else is clear this post is kinda vague. There are millions of paths you can take. Don't take stuff yourself in the hole.


What mistake keeps you up at night? Anonymous 97154[Reply]

Place to discuss your failures.

For me, it’s over sharing on non-anonymous online platforms and forums. Specifically, this one forum that doesn’t let you delete postings. Anyone who knows me can easily piece together that it’s me.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 97172

>Then I fucked that up because I stopped going to any of my classes whatsoever. To be fair, my depression had worsened to the point I could not get out of bed for any reason.
That’s the exact reason I failed out. I wouldn’t even necessarily say I was depressed in the fall semester, just tired after grinding all of high school. I wasn’t staying in bed all day like I was in the past, I would go out and walk on campus, sometimes always make it to my class but feel too anxious and would go elsewhere. But the walking would just feed into my anxiety. I felt purposeless.
>stopped showering. I attempted suicide. It had never been that bad before.
I also wasn’t showering or changing my clothes (including underwear) for days. I also became suicidal for the first time in my life, thinking about all the ways I could end it.

>College is mostly perserverance in doing the work. I hope you can have the same success story nona.

College really is perseverance! Sometimes the what-ifs drive me crazy but I’ll try to not let them get the best of me. Thank you fo the good luck <3

Anonymous 97177

I saw the beginning of Bitcoin Cash as it skyrocketed. I knew I needed to get on it but my parents were out of town for the weekend and I was having one of my mental episodes because I was very unstable back then so I let it go. After all, I didn't have money and I was too shaken-up to tell my parents we had to do this immediately.
God how much different my life would be…

Anonymous 97181

My dad offered me a place to live for $400 a month. It was an entire condo/ loft that he owed and rented out. I was being stalked at the time and terrified of going outside for this stretch of time and couldn't hold a job. He kicked me out of there and fucking sold the place. I learned how to get by after I moved away and rent is insane now. Holy fuck it makes me mad thinking about it.

Anonymous 97186

Becoming friends with the wrong people and not cutting them out of my life as soon as they step on my morals.
I don't blame myself because how is a dumb sheltered 15 year old supposed to know but damn do I wish that I had never met many of the people I have. I also regret not being meaner in the past honestly.

Anonymous 97193

Not taking the time to process what the hell I want to do with my life BEFORE letting my parents talk me into jumping straight to college after high school. My god, I wish I just sat down and thought about my life first.


Wanting friends but my standards are too high? Anonymous 96094[Reply]

Kind of looking for advice, but also commiseration nonas. Kind of a rant too.

I keep feeling like I wish I had a really good online friend- just one that likes a lot of the same things as me (old RPGs, animals, mysteries and paranormal nonsense) but I just can't ever seem to maintain any friendships with people when I reach out. I also feel like I have too many varied interests and that makes it hard to make friends.

I try really hard to be the best kind of friend that I can- I am the kind of person who loves mailing little gifts to new friends just for fun, as well as sending them things that make me think of them, being a shoulder for them to cry on when they are upset, but literally no one has ever reciprocated this to me. I think I am the kind of person that no one reaches out to first, I always have to be the one who rekindles the conversations. I had a girl I thought was a close friend steamroll over my message saying that a family member was extremely ill to start talking about her own relationship problems to me in paragraphs.

I had this one online friend where she and I would read goofy books together and then talk about it chapter by chapter on Discord, and we would vote every time on a new book. She expressed an interest in something that I happened to have an extra of, and I mailed it to her (of course asking if it was okay first) including a little card and letter, and after that the friendship kind of fizzled because I feel like she wasn't really very thankful or anything. I actually had to ask her to make sure it got to her because she didn't let me know and I was worried it was lost in the mail. "Oh yeah it came 2 days ago, thank you" is what I got back. It was kind of something precious that I sent to her so it hurt my feelings.

I also had another friend who I used to trade a specific kind of collectable with online, but one time I sent her a very expensive and rare one as a gift, and I saw her reselling it for a profit on a group we were a part of (she didn't know I was there too) and it really hurt my feelings.

I feel like the only kind of people I attract who actually want to talk to me are autist moids who traumadump on me and spend half of our conversations about things (like games) trying to one-up me or correct me. I know I have some people in my life online who would probably be friends with me but I just don't like them very much so I am not motivated to do the kinds of things I normalPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
11 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 96353

People online ARE mostly autists and moids…the kind of people who would trauma dump. I had bad experiences with people online. It's a nebulous place. People in general are very flakey, not just online people. I don't really know the solution to it either. In a way I'm the same. The flakeyness is just the same everywhere unless you've known the person for years. Then it's easy to keeping touch. All of mine took 180 degree turns in life, so we don't share the same experiences anymore. I know how you feel.

Anonymous 96356

I cannot understand how its a controversial opinion. Most human interactions are built around getting something tangible from the relationship. Most people are a little shameless about it. It's rare to connect deeply or even meaningfully in most new relationships. So they just feel like a ton of work. At least to me, because I'm like anon here, I kind of happy to not bother. One day it dons on you, you don't know why you ever expected anything else. I used to be a lot like the op, because I had a great set of friends at one point. Then i guess that kind of free experience you have when youre young dries up and it drains the fun out of people. I know there are awesome people but they're not common. People become difficult to relate to. I think having the same obsessive hobby is important so you can keep a conversation going around it infinitely. So you always have a reason to come back. It's not hard you just have to find that reason to repeatedly come back and stay the f away from people that are 2 inches deep. Not only are they flakey and unreliable they are boring as fuck and feel like obacene amounts of work.

Most people who look interesting are not. Most people really are 2 to 10 inches deep and tedious as fuck. Otherwise they they are emotional dumpers or clingy. I don't know why this has been my experience for so long. I don't know the solution to it so I create my own experience.

Most sadness you feel and call loneliness is actually just your wishing for something else, idealizing an old friendship. Trying to return. What happens when you stop seeking and just enjoy the present.. it is too easy to forget the bliss of solitude is there. But you should know the feeling so you don't become dependant on other people for happiness. Drop all your expectations and cruise. When you're not looking for something is often when you find anyway.

Anonymous 96379

>I told my closest friend at the time about how scared I was about it, and instead of feeling sorry for me (which she pretended to do at the time), she got extremely jealous and weeks later, humiliated me intentionally in front of the class asking Mr. So-and-so why he played favorites with me so much, and said that it was like the two of us were "married or something."
It must have been painful, but I can't help but think that it was also helpful: by pointing out the teacher's behaviour, your friend shone a light on his/her inappropriateness. Did the teacher stopped bothering you afterwards?
>my horrible tendency of oversharing getting me into trouble with people who didn't have my best interests at heart
The solution, imo, is not caring about secrets. If I tell one, I assume it might/will be spoken to others, so I only tell secrets I can bear to be out in the open, and at some point I decided I could bear the truth, so now I can bear most of them if they come out in the open.
This decision forced me to behave better, and I feel lighter.

Anonymous 97164

>ruined potential friendships with people I think are cool by I guess being overly friendly.
It's this. Of course, I don't know your exact circumstances, but what you're describing sounds like something I've been on the receiving end of so I can tell you how it looks from that side. First of all, though, I think you do have insight to why this approach isn't working, and that you've obviously thought it over a lot, but you're couching 'the problem' as a positive thing (I'm too nice/friendly) that's probably making it hard to really confront.
Basically, frankly, you're coming off as desperate. When you do these big gestures of affection for people to whom your connection is honestly quite weak, but because for you this is a massive thing feels to warrant such treatment, it's very offputting. It feels like you're trying to make an investment that the receiver is obligated to respond to, but that they didn't ask for. You say as much, right? You drop people who don't respond because you're expecting an equivalent or greater reward. It means your gifts come off as illegitimate and somewhat controlling, since they're not really gifts, they're down-payments, and people sense this and manoeuvre away.
I think you're also convincing yourself that you need to do 'more' than what the person is asking for. If so, that's also offputting. It means recipients can't really expect what you're actually going to do except that it'll be whatever was said, plus interest, plus the 'oh god please be my friend, I'm a good friend' bonus, plus the 'you better do this for me too btw (or you're a bad friend)' tax. Also, if you're the one initiating these gifts, and it seems like you often are, I think you're not considering what the recipient actually wants so much as giving them things you personally consider high-value, but that they might not really care about.

>I had a girl I thought was a close friend steamroll over my message saying that a family member was extremely ill to start talking about her own relationship problems to me in paragraphs.

This does suck pretty bad. This is also a consequence of you establishing yourself as an open vent box who will actually entertain stuff like this even if you're not in the mood for it. I'll guess, did you patiently let this friend get out their whole spiel? IfPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 97188

>'OMG, the thing came! I've been waiting and waiting for it, thank you so much nona, and you even wrote a letter, you're an amazing friend and this will be special to me for the rest of my life'?
Literally me when I get a gift tho tbh.
Anyway I selfishly don't want OP to change because I wish more people in the world were like her!


How to regain a will to live? Anonymous 97073[Reply]

Everyday is exactly the same. My drinking problems are getting worse. My best friend replaced me with someone else. I'm alone and have nothing to look forward to when I wake up. Almost killed myself last month. Nevertheless, I want to take a chance at life. I force myself to go for a walk everyday, I make myself tasty, healthy food. I want to get better. I want to stop being lonely and make friends I can share my love with. I thought of some things that might help:
>keeping a journal so I will force myself to do something new everyday to write about it later
>affirmations to brainwash myself out of negativity
>spending more time outside in public even if it's just sitting on a bench
>going to cafes to read there
2 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 97089

I’ve been struggling with this too (as I’m sure a lot of people do). For me, I think it really is looking forward to the little things, but the little things have to be meaningful to you. For example, spending a whole night after work watching random YouTube videos usually makes me feel like shit and like I wasted the night. But when I read a book on a topic that interests me or watch a movie that aligns with my interests, I feel relaxed like I’ve spent my time meaningfully. My days feel so repetitive because of work and I hate it, but I try to focus on looking forward to something every night. I have a long list of horror movies I got from a book that I want to watch and a bunch of authors I want to read. So that gives me will to live because I want to finish my movie list and I want to learn more about the things that interest me, even if they aren’t relevant to my job or whatever.

Of course this looks different for everyone. Maybe you really like spending time outdoors so something you could look forward to is hiking every weekend or rollerblading or something. Or if you like playing video games that could be something meaningful too. Even watching random videos can be meaningful even if that’s not particularly meaningful to me.

I admire your efforts to keep living even though it’s hard to find a reason to sometimes. You’ve inspired me to keep going and I’m rooting for you!

Anonymous 97090

If you're not already in therapy, I'd really suggest it. In my experience, professionals (psychiatrists) view suicidal ideation/intention/rumination as a symptom of severe mental illness. While the mental health system is far from perfect, I do actually believe it has had a beneficial impact in my life after almost 2 years of being actively suicidal and needing inpatient hospitalizations. I hope you get better and find meaning.
For me, my therapist and I first worked on what was bothering me, my mental illness, and my background. We then proceeded to my goals (going back to school, getting in better shape, making new friends), which I've actually made a lot of progress with. Things haven't been perfect all the time, and I do still have breakthrough symptoms sometimes, but I haven't felt like killing myself for a long time now.
If you should ever feel unable to control the impulse to harm yourself, please call the emergency services or go to an emergency room yourself and tell them what is going on. They will make sure you are safe.

Anonymous 97097

Can you see a psychiatrist? Finally seeing one and getting medication really changed my life for the better.

Anonymous 97118


I'm rooting for you too anon! Little things help a lot. I like to take my time following recipes I find online because I want to try new things. I also want to visit different cafes and restaurants. I'm thinking of making a checklist. I had a ladybug land on my arm today, that's good fortune for both of us.
I've gone to many different therapists and psychiatrists throughout the years ever since I was a teen but they never really helped. They didn't have anything insightful to say, they'd just tell me things I've already come to see myself.It was often frustrating. Meds didn't help much either because the doctors were just guessing. I know I might sound arrogant saying this but I don't think everyone benefits from therapy and I'm one of these people. I don't want to start experimenting with meds either because they're a gamble and I believe that my issues are mostly caused by my loneliness and lack of purpose. Mental health services are also pretty shit in my country unfortunately.
Therapy textbooks helped me more than therapists tbh.
I still appreciate your suggestions though, my ex friend realy benefitted from therapy and I would have told her the same thing.

Anonymous 97137

I've had a similar experience with therapy and I generally think the modern psychiatric industry is an incomplete if not mostly distorted view of what's really going on.

Anyway, if talk therapy isn't for you, try somatic therapy. Or maybe find a jungian analyst if you're into that sort of thing. Art therapy too. Free resources and self led guides online if you're willing to just make that little effort to do something with intention.


Anonymous 62792[Reply]

Did your boyfriend/husband wait for marriage before sex? What is your experience with convincing men to wait? Is it worth it? Does it work? Do the good men also walk away? Is it even a good idea in the first place, if seemingly no one seems to do that anymore?

I am from Germany and this whole concept is basically completely foreign to young people here.
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Anonymous 96852

Technically the Bible strictly forbids “sexual immorality” and “adultery” and is kind of vague overall. In ancient Greece it was common amongst elite circles for adult men and pubescent or adolescent boys to have sexual relationships, known as pederasty. Early Christians were against this. In general, the church as an institution was against sex before marriage in the time you listed but the holy book itself just says “don’t cheat or be sexual immoral”. Idk I just think there’s more flexibility/growth in Christ than a lot of Christian’s think.

Anonymous 96855

Sex and society is a very interesting subject, it's my area of specialisation for my degree. Is sex before marriage an outdated concept because of contraceptives? The reality of it is much more complicated. Overall since contraceptives were created, out of wedlock/unwanted births have risen enormously. Something like 40-50% of births in the US, Denmark, France etc are out of wedlock.
>condom companies spread idea that condoms are 99% effective based on "studies"
>they were cherry picked results for perfect use under very controlled conditions
>actual effectiveness is about 70% chance of not getting pregnant in a year of protected sex
>that means in practice even with condoms, over 5 years your chances of getting pregnant are 80+%

But in East Asian countries like China, Korea and Japan, out of wedlock kids are almost nonexistent at 2-3%. They also have much higher rates of virginity before marriage and lower body counts.

Anonymous 96860

but it isn't vague nona,saint paul even "invented" (borrowed from hebrew) a greek word, asenokoitai, which literally translates to "men who lay (conjugally) with men". Its as explicit as one can be, Jesus also said that marriage is between a man and a woman, and that adultery is forbidden, then it also condemns that too

Anonymous 97046

Then you would be pressured to after that time was up.
If you said I want to wait a few months and a year passes, what then?
If you say marriage, then you can put it off indefinitely unless you're ready to commit.
Agreeing to marry limits his choices to you only, which also pressures you to fulfill your relationship responsibilities, which is to be that outlet for your partner because you agreed to for the rest of your life.
So don't get married unless you're comfortable with agreeing to carry that.
Marriage is also a great filter for guys who just want one thing.
Men who won't wait till marriage can just leave when they get what they wanted, with nothing to hold them accountable.

Anonymous 97072

Good for you, Anon

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