/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I think I’m reaching the end of my relationship and I can’t tell if I’m finally becoming honest with myself or just spiraling.

The weirdest part is that my boyfriend has no idea how much manipulation and performance existed at the beginning of our relationship on my side. Not even in a cartoon evil way. More like… I knew how to become what he wanted emotionally and I did it very intentionally. Sometimes when he says romantic things to me now, I get this horrible detached feeling because instead of hearing sincerity, my brain immediately goes: “yeah, but you engineered this.” Like I built the emotional architecture and now I’m uncomfortable living inside it.

But then another part of me wonders if ALL relationships are kind of like this to some extent. Maybe most people just aren’t self-aware enough to interrogate attraction and attachment this hard. Maybe everyone performs a version of themselves in the beginning and then later feels trapped by it. I genuinely can’t tell anymore if I’m uniquely toxic or just hyper-conscious of dynamics most people leave unexamined.

Lately I’ve been thinking about ending things. I can feel him trying harder to get closer to me, texting more, being more attentive, wanting reassurance. It almost feels like he senses me slipping away. And instead of making me feel loved, it makes me feel trapped and guilty. Sometimes I can’t tell if he actually deeply loves me or if he’s terrified he won’t find someone else who fulfills certain emotional needs for him. Then I wonder if I’m the reason he feels that way now. Like maybe I slowly trained him into emotional dependency and now I resent him for it.

What’s also confusing is that one of the reasons I liked him initially was because he felt normal compared to me. Grounded. Socially functional. Less mentally tangled. But over time he started becoming stranger, more isolated, more emotionally intense, and I genuinely can’t tell whether that was always inside him or if being close to me dragged it out. I hate even typing that because it sounds narcissistic, but it’s honestly something I think about a lot.

And despite all this, he gets under my skin in a way nobody else ever has. It’s almost physical. Certain tones in his voice or certain phrases instantly trigger rage or disgust or panic in me and I become obsessed with analyzing WHY he has that effect on me specifically. Sometimes I think I’m psychologically studying him more than loving him. WhPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I survived COCSA when I was in middleschool. Everyone in my family knows, yet none of them talk about it (I don't really expect them to), and I'm too scared to tell anyone. Since it happened, I have had to deal with this by myself. This of course didn't go well, since time after time, since I was eight, I've somehow ended repeating the same situation where I'm degraded sexually.

I have only learned one thing from all of this, and it's the reason why I feel I should step out of dating for a while (although predators always find a way to slip into your social circle ). But I have also learned that anything that you "seek" in a man, you can already give it to yourself.

Dating feels amazing, but if you're doing this for a specific and selfish reason, you should really question if whatever you're looking for can already be found within yourself (or other relationships like you girlfriends). Be kind, take care of yourself.

I hope things go better for me. I'm tired, terribly tired of going through the same situation agan and again. After all of this, I unfortunately forgot how a normal relationship should feel like. One where I don't feel disposed after they…well.

i really like my bf, but i can't help myself wishing i was with a girl. he''s amazing, does everything well, we get along super well, have similar hobbies, enjoy each other 's company, he's polite and fun to be around, even my parents like him. The dates are cute and fun, but i feel like im not really feeling much, kind of hollow. on the otherside I love my bestie, she is amazing, caring, loving, even drove in a snowstorm to save my ass once. we made each other bracelets, cook for each other, talk all day, she gave me a beautiful birthday card and took me to a concert, and we even say goodnight messages to each other everynight. I feel guilty about this because i feel like i'm getting something out of our platonic friendship that i cannot get from my boyfriend, and i keep apologizing to him because i feel like its not right. I told him before that i do love girls and he's my first real boyfriend that i want to try stuff out with.
>lmao just dump him and run away with Bestie
I can't do that since she is in a really sweet relationship herself. her BF and Her both had awful awful relationships in the past and they are sooooooo sweet for each other, i do not want to wedge myself in between them, despite bestie asking her bf if he'd be cool with kissing girls and he is. Bestie also told me she just wants to be besties and not do anything romantic, despite us both kinda crushing on each other since we met and we had to stop ourselves couple times before we did something. idk if im making any sense but i just know i want to have a relationship with a girl, but also still have a close companionship with my bf. Maybe the perfect scenario would be me being mainly with my bf, and occasionally go on dates with girls, but idk im just rambling eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh help me nonas ;_;

Idk if I'm being stubborn about feeling this way but I genuinely don't want to have more than one sexual partner in my life. I already did it to someone I regret about doing with since we keep doing this rigamarole of breaking up and getting together. We're both young and in our twenties yeah and while I'm the slightly older one and should know better, I keep folding for him until this past week. We broke up again and I'm not even upset this time, but I'm still committed to my outlook because sex genuinely hasn't brought me much good in my life. I dealt with one miscarriage from our relationship and I just genuinely can't picture myself doing it again with another person.

My ex says I'll grow out of it but, he's not the one who dealt with losing a pregnancy or being a woman in a culture that values us based on our purity. We're both from a similar background so it's not like he isn't aware. Sometimes I regret putting it out for him, I wasn't forced by any means but if I could go back in time; I would've said no. I miss being a 'virgin' but what's done is done, I rather just not be intimate with a male ever again. Am I being too stubborn? Be brutally honest.

I'm ugly. I'm overweight. I'm extremely socially anxious and autistic, which is why I haven't had a single friend in almost ten years. I lack hygiene, I'm incredibly insecure and feel the need to kill myself when I have to think of my pathetic existence. Nothing is fun to me because I cannot concentrate for the life of me. I have tried to change my life multiple times but I cannot stick with it. Instead, my body keeps being pulled in to bed and my fate is probably to rot here forever.
Only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I'm still young, only 20, so I am hoping for a miracle… Advice would be very appreciated. If there is any at this point.

I’m so frustrated and I feel so defeated because I just can’t make life interesting again. I can’t recall the days anymore and they all just fade into each other and time is speeding up so much because of it.

I’m 28 now but I feel old. I think of memories from just 2 years ago and I barely recognize myself in them. I used to be so adventurous and brave, and it felt like every day I’d have meaningful moments, even if they were just by myself.

Now my life is so dull and boring, it makes me want to claw my eyes out sometimes.

2 years ago I moved to the US on a hope and a prayer. I used my life savings to move on a visa and I had 4 months to find a job. It quickly became clear that I might not find one, and I’d have to go home and be broke and move back in with my parents and start over. But with an ego hit from failing in the US ontop of it. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to go through that humiliation and defeat, or even just how much energy it would all take to start over again back home - so I had it in the back of my head that I might just call it quits with life before then.

Because of this I lived each day like it was my last, I spent all my time on the streets day and night. I made so many good memories back then. I used to walk at night around, I remember sitting in the cold air by a pet cemetery at night just feeling so alive. Everything felt so real. I feel like I lived a whole lifetime in just those 4 months. But even before moving to the US my life felt so much more real.

Now everything just feels fake. I can’t escape the fake plasticness no matter what I do. Every person I meet is just sorta the same, I can make friends with them but its like they’re hardwired to never talk deep about anything. It drives me crazy and makes me feel something terribly alone. I got my wish in the end and got a job and stayed in the US, but its like some sick trick where my wish got granted but the catch was everything in life becomes hollow.

I seriously have no light in my eyes anymore. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. I force myself to go to things and talk to people, but everywhere I go I just stand there with my eyes on the ground like a statue. I feel like part of the decor rather than a human.

How can it feel so different in just 2 years? I just can’t feel anything anymore, I can’t even fantasise about a happy life for myself because I can’t even figure out what would make me happy.
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Share any unpopular opinions you hold here.

I broke up with my boyfriend today. It feels like the right decision, he works too much so he isn't available a lot, but i feel upset that all my plans are gone. i wanted to move in with him and get married. get a cat and live comfortably with the love of my life, it all feels quite bittersweet. and now i have to spend a considerable amount of time scrubbing him from my life. deleting all the photos of him, taking off my necklaces with his initial, removing our playlist we made together and all the lovey dovey nicknames i gave to him on various apps, it's a lot of work. and the worst part is it is exam season which is why i was hesitant with breaking up with him, i know it will distract me majorly from it all.

What was the hardest part of growing up for you?

NEETS = Not in education employment or training. I’m over 25, any over over 25 NEETs? What do you actually do all day?

I’m awake now, took two puffs of my vape. TikTok scrolled, Reddit scrolled and played a game on my phone and I’m immensely bored. Ideas are welcome , any of active forums I should know about? Any & all welcome

There’s a lot of times where I just bed rot and do nothing due to the depression but I think this isn’t one of those days. But I am lonely as I have no one and bored and I don’t feel like gaming tbh.