/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>38315
>It's better than nothing but unless you get the drop on a guy there is a good chance he will be on top of you before you can fire
Let's test that theory.

>>38316
>run
Burgers can't relate.

>>31526

Stop being fucking obsessed with rape and go enroll yourself on some martial art classes and/or avoid men as much as you can, just don't let them intimidate and oppress you bc of their physical strength. You should be more worried about other kinds of threats

>>38415
>martial art classes
biggest and most dangerous meme around

>>31577
this post still makes me cackle

>>38409
>>38426
(I'm guessing you're the same person?)

I don't really care about him anymore, at this point, I'm barely keeping from axe-murdering him. He's told me he thinks my boyfriend's cheating on me with a young girl.

What I want to know is whether I can actually trust my boyfriend?
Do I trust the psychological observations of someone I don't trust? Do I take it as pure data, or is biased, due to him being untrustworthy?
Are his behavioural observations and criteria compromised?

Do I trust the person I love most in the entire existence of eternity when it's damn near impossible for me to trust anyone anymore?

>>38471
Yes you can trust your bf.
No you shouldn't trust your roommate.
Super biased, give his claims about your bf negative weight.

Have you talked with your bf about him?

>>37855
you were pretty dumb to let a guy like that into your home, and quite irresponsible to expose him to your friends, has to be said anon…..

>>38126
>Is the insanity on my part or his?
Both, your relationship is codependent. You both sound like broken people, albeit we're only hearing one side.
>>38471
To experience intimacy is to make yourself vulnerable. I wouldn't take the advice of a scumbag. The only way to truly know is to confront your boyfriend though. If you can't trust him enough to confront him with your feelings, do you even trust him?

>>38471
literally what. it's obvious he's telling you that because he wants to take advantage of you. trust your boyfriend, cut the other guy out of your life.

>>38464
>i've had past coworkers act like this too and i don't know what the hell it is that attracts these people to me. i'm so quiet, i never bother anyone, i'm the least judgemental person on the planet. what is it about me that people think they can push me around and try to bully me? what the fuck?
While I certainly agree that a personality like yours may be encouraging such types if you do interact with them. This resembles more of a learned reaction from trauma, which can heavily reinforce patterns in one's mind when anyone confronts another about anything. I'm not trying to gaslight, not trying to victim blame, but it is certainly true that humans as pattern recognizing machines will project those patterns onto future experiences, especially those deeply tied to survival. As you earlier stated experiences as a child, it seems to match a case of trauma quite close, and individuals who experience such are more susceptible to jumping to conclusions regarding it. Again, let me emphasize, I am not trying to gaslight or victim blame, but be aware that individuals that have experienced trauma like yours are likely to jump to such conclusions as a defense mechanism. I'm not saying doubt yourself constantly, but try to stay aware of your mental state next time it happens with a coworker to ask yourself "this person may not be trying to intimidate or confront me, they may have no ill intent."

>it's not the law, you're not my mother, you're not the king, you're not god. shake your head and ignore me
I highly doubt you'd listen to them even if they were any of these things given your previous statements.
>but you dont have the right to just run up and try to start a fight with me
>right
Nothing they are doing is illegal, at best, you could consider it harassment, but if it's not the same repeated individual then, it's not really a crime as much as it is a social pattern.
>if some obese person was walking around eating a hot dog i wouldn't go up and harass them about minding their health because its none of my business what another person does,
How typically American of you.
>what right do you have to try and–
aaargh!!
They have the same right to tellPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

My boyfriend is a fucking coward. He runs away and hides from anything even remotely sad or upsetting. He can't watch horror films, he hates discussing politics, he can't stand sad or heavy songs. He's like a baby. He calls the things that are facts of adult life "scary"

I don't know how to handle it.

>>38486
Have you tried talking to him about it?

>>38486
leave him? lmao

>send a vaguely flirty message
>no response
Every single time
WHY am I like this
I'm very sorry to everyone who has to come into contact with me and my autistic wreck of a brain that brews up these bright ideas then spontaneously decides they are worth executing in reality
It has been many years and I have not changed

Don't have sex if you don't want to get pregnant.

You will bleed a lot a few days after taking it. To my knowledge, it doesn't cause brain fog.

>>37971
My period just ended so do you think I'll still bleed a lot? I just started the (progesterone only) birth control a month ago and I've been spotting a whole lot anyway.
I want to talk myself out of doing this but it's really the responsible decision, even if it's only protecting against a 10% chance.

The two days after I took the pill I was totally fine. Felt no different at all from any other day. Then the third and fourth days I felt pretty shitty: super tired and achey and having some abdominal cramping. The third day I started spotting, which turned into a full period for the next seven days. Pretty normal. Fifth day onward I felt normal, just like I was having my period again. Just some info for anyone curious about it like I was.

I have a massive crush on my boss (just a couple years older than me, not some gross midlife crisis case). I don't even care about the outcome at the office because I have another great option lined up in case anything happens to my current position but lol. He's just constantly really kind, values my input and and pushes me to succeed which I like because I appreciate it when people understand my ambitions. He seems to like very similar hobbies, shares my values, and I recently learned he loves dogs and had a vasectomy, lmfao be still my heart.

My problems are 1) this is highly retarded regardless, and 2) I'm near volcel and tbh kinda lean towards female separatism. I do think good and devoted men exist and I even used to date one, but the risk is just so high that this will become some horrifying soul-sucking mess. I pair-bond pretty strongly, and have high standards for intimacy and mutual devotion, so I mostly expect to be disappointed. Still, I haven't felt this happy in months, I look forward to days when I see him, daydreams are fun, music sounds nice again, etc. He might have too much integrity to even start anything, but he has said that talking to me is fun both intellectually and otherwise, and generally seems to like hanging out with me. On the other hand, he's just nice like that to everyone, probably he doesn't want to treat me differently just because I'm gril. On the other other hand, every time a guy has said something like that he has ultimately developed a crush on me too.

Ugh anons do I go for it, i.e. very gradually seduce him over the next 6 months by occasionally looking in his direction slightly longer than normal and inadvertently ending up in conversations with him where I must reveal more details of my life story which shows how simultaneously very fragile and vulnerable but also deep and strong I am Y/N?

>>38327
Y! And tbh imo, female separatism is a con. I circled around those groups for a while too, but I circled back out. It only really works for lesbians and women-exclusive bi's (and if you're not a lesbian that's weird for them as well, understandably). If you're a heterosexual woman denying yourself love is not psychologically good for you.

Most marriages of our generation are successful - we're reversing the trends of a century. We guard our hearts and take care before committing, and we don't get married for the sake of it but only for the sake of love and stability. You're on the right track, so don't undercut yourself with pessimism or niche political dogmatism.

>>38327
Your reasoning for not going for this seems remarkably poor. Who cares about some dumb ideology when potentially lifelong happiness is at stake?

>>36091
oh fuck i have this too, how do you get rid of it anon?

>>38327
>had a vasectomy
major red flag

not everyone is super chatty anon, she seems like she enjoys your friendship v much or whatever that is. keep holding on

>>37856
not really mixed signals imo. as long as the energy of the convo itself is consistent, it probably just means she’s not the active texter type.

>>38170
Ok I get it now, my bad.

It’s just that calling them a “housecat” seems kinda condescending you know? As if they’re a pet and you’re the owner.

Instead of a partner relationship. Overall how you worded it made it sound like that. As if men are only capable of being a pet in your eyes.

>>38170
You must have some bad experience with cats if you think they don't fawn over their owners.

Yes, if you snooze you lose, but there are men who are in bad places right now who are trying to become good men, there are bound to be new ones entering the market who were in their building phase

If you do end up alone, to an extent it is all on you. Love isn't magic

>>38094
No, people are incapable of love.
Love in that "cute romantic" sense doesn't exist, it's a result of young girls' imagination.
You can have realistic love in the "down-to-earth" way, but honestly, nobody wants that.

>>38093
"the wall" is only an issue for women who are trying to follow a conventional path towards marriage and kids. if you don't want kids you have a lot more options.

the reality is that men hate 30-year-old women because that's the age where dating becomes unfun, because everyone is desperate and trying to fulfill a life script instead of acting on real desires. if that's not you, you can actually become more attractive with age and you can date younger men.

>>38304
>after
ruined

>>38125
Sorry, didn't see this reply until now. It was just a matter of learning how to reframe negative thoughts. Long self-explic. ahead:

One of the biggest contributions to my depression was the perception of having little control and the feeling that there were innate parts of me were inferior (mental issues/unattractiveness/ethnicity/lack of intelligence/etc.), which is why I tended to fall into femcel-ish/venting-type groups. What helped me is learning how to rationalize my feelings.

I know this is gonna sound so stupid, but it might help to think about a progress-driven movement you're a part of that makes you feel participatory in society: for example, think feminism, environmentalism, or the advancement of technology. Then watch a documentary about the same topic but in the setting of a country which is culturally different than the one you live in.

I know it sounds dumb, but doing so helps remind me that the world is big and that whatever issues I face is something that can be rationalized as part of a larger process, and that I myself am part of something exciting and important which is far beyond whatever I feel at the moment.

So, if my mental state was always centered on feeling unattractive, I'd try to remind myself that the feeling of unattractiveness is a movement in and of itself—and I know this by observing the growth of femceldom and female insecurity in general. Knowing this helps me put distance between me as a functioning person and me being mentally influenced by how I feel on the inside.

If I am feeling powerlessly stupid—maybe in work or school—I try to rethink of it as me being part of the group of people which has a different cognitive understanding process, and try to learn why this is so. Maybe this one sounds like a bit of a cope haha, but it really helps when I feel myself spiraling into the same thought processes which contributed to depressive states (I will never x because I am x versus I feel x because I am conditioned to feel that I have no control over x).

TLDR: I got out of it by trying to never mentally frame anything that usually depresses me as something that is unchangeable. This is maybe even a reason why incel/blackpill groups (aka the ppl with skull theory obsession) are more prone to depressiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>38161
Ntayrt but wow, that’s really smart and well-thought-out.

>>38161
I understand that it is useful, but that's a more sophisticated way of lying to yourself. Your will maybe have a better mental state but at the cost of not accepting the truth, and I think it's better to keep the bad feelings if that means you're still realistic and don't fall in the "coping" trap.

>>38288
There is no such objective truth of how we view ourselves though.

>>38288
NTA but to me it seems like many of these framings target the relative salience of different facts, rather than obscuring truth. There probably is a fact of the matter whether you're conventionally very attractive or not, but if you keep ruminating only on this, you give a too much thought to something that doesn't benefit you. You can accept the truth that maybe you're not conventionally attractive in all ways, but not dwell on this side of the issue, and instead focus on the ways in which you can look professional and put together when you need to, act charming and attractive despite unconventional physical features, and so on.

Similarly, it doesn't seem like anon was denying some possible truth that there are specific thinking styles that are less natural to her, and instead she tries to understand herself better and reach her goals through other ways.

It's more about making the constructive and solution-focused frameworks more salient to yourself than just dwelling on the limitations you feel bad about, and it's indeed a great way to prevent yourself from getting stuck in life.

>How can i be happy for someone i got rejected by?
You don’t have to “be happy for him.” I really doubt all those people who say they are “happy for” the person that rejected them mean it.

In my language there is a phrase for this stuff: "hagan bien, y no miren a quien"

You are not suposed to wish them the best, you are meant to be free, just as him, and enjoy the joy of life the way you prefer. Wishing the wellbeing of others is just up to your heart anon

>>36364
Try to forget.

I think it's healthier than choosing to hate the person, you'll be able to move on sooner that way