OP here:
I've been meditating this a little bit more.
Im positive that I am not a pooner. I accept my reality as a masculine woman. I think what does concern me is that i in fact find "the male gaze" (or at least what i think it is the male gaze) as an attractive fantasy of mine. Am i no better than a moid?.
This is purely a fantasy, even if i went all into pooning out because no matter what i do, what surgeries i could get, how much testosterone i inject myself, or get the rotdog, that is not gonna make me a man in any meaningful way that would fulfill that fantasy.
This also conflicts a little with my self perception. As I mentioned before i've always been masculine in my presentation. Im concerned if my fetish is an extension of that or if my whole being was all influenced by a dormant fetish. I mean how can someone end like this?
>>15786I think your post describes things best. Might be an issue with internalized misoginy, although not from a place of opression, more like admiration? I had really good male influences in my life, my dad is probably one of the most awesome people i know. Maybe Im feeling guilty because i dont want to be a misoginyst, which I admit i very well could be in my sexual fantasies
>>15790I am
not watching tranny porn.
Worst fate than being a pooner is becoming a Kikomi