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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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News: /cgl/ has been merged with /hb/.
Please read the rules! Last update: 01/18/2019


The impact of someone's suicide. Anonymous 31843[Reply]

4 years ago my boyfriend killed himself. Looking back at it the relationship was very toxic and absolutely destructive. Of course i am not happy about the fact that he died, he still was a good person even if he was mentally unstable. I want to honor his memory. Of course this subject still makes me sad, i still wish he was alive. It happens that I blame myself sometimes, i was his girlfriend afterall, i could have prevented this from happening. But what is done is done. I wonder if some of you had similar situations…
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 31857

The SO is the most important person you have after parents. It's not really rocket science.

Anonymous 31858


For my case, it was one of the first times i've got to get this close to someone. Plus I do not think natural/accident deaths have the same impact on people, i could be wrong though. When you are very close to someone and they end up killing themselves it just feels like you haven't done your "job" of being a good person to them. Breakups can be tough, just like any end of a relationship can be tough (be it with your parents, a friend, or anyone important). The question here isn't why people take breakups with their SO hard, but mostly why people find the loss of any important person (therefore an important relationship) hard in general.

>whereas SO dying is popular trope.

It is as much of a "popular trope" as sotires about having been raped. There are constatly lots of stories about people that got raped on the internet. Does it diminish the problem in itself ? If its a popular trope then it means that's it's even sadder to see that a lot of people have to go through something like this.

Anonymous 31859


Anonymous 31868

If you are the one wanting to kys then you shouldn't worry about what will happen after your death, because you will be dead. Responsibility and worry and anything else will be null and void because you will cease to exist.

Anonymous 31902

Were you still in love with him when it happened? did you know about his state of mind? how does it feel to lose someone close to you to suicide? do you feel like you can ever recover?
Sorry if i'm too nosy, but i'm really interested in the subject


Anonymous 31761[Reply]

i just want to be hugged by a biological male
14 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 31896


slightly offtopic question:
Do you cuddle with your friends (without any sexual longing)? Not just hugging for a few seconds but for example lying on the couch, watching a good movie and simply lie in each others arms, gently caressing his/her hair and so on…?

Anonymous 31897


Not OP but I don’t do this and don’t know anyone who does. If a friend tried doing something like that with me I’d be weirded out and pull away.

Anonymous 31898

cuddles up to you in a locking embrace preventing escape

Anonymous 31899


this post made me have want for gf
i miss my old friend who doesn't cuddle with me anymore

Anonymous 31901

I do with my best friend, if there’s a bunch of us we’ll all cuddle up on the sofa with a blanket or two.


Anonymous 31888[Reply]

How do you feel about traditionally chivalrous behavior (i.e. opening doors for you, walking you to your door)? Do you like it when guys act this way or does it make you uncomfortable?

Anonymous 31889


solves ur captcha for u
You may now post, m'lady.

Anonymous 31890

When I started dating my current bf he would open car doors for me and it was kinda awkward because I wasn't used to it. But I still enjoyed it a lot and felt supper flattered. He never stopped doing it and I love it. He also gives me his jacket when I'm cold even if I have my own. It's so cute when they're chivalrous.

Anonymous 31892


Anonymous 31900

I don't really like it, I'll do stuff like hold doors open for people whatever their gender, and I expect them to do the same. It's just polite


Virgin Thread Anonymous 19173[Reply]

Post here if you haven't lost your virginity.

>turn 22 in two weeks

>never had sex
>never had a boyfriend
>only kissed a boy once in high school
>too afraid of rejection to actively seek relationships
489 posts and 61 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 30687


I want to say this even if its not the rule of thumb with men. My actual boyfriend is two years younger im 25 i was terrified abiut him knowing that i was still a virgin and he clearly had experience under his belt. Long storyshort he told me that it doesnt bottered him at all and even contemolated the idea of making my first time very special (as he did) instead of tuning me down for that.

Anonymous 30710

Sure. Only if a man makes himself more valuable by also being a virgin and not masturbating to porn constantly. Virgin men like to pretend they're pure but they bust a load to violent and disgusting porn frequently and also have violent and disgusting fantasies.

Anonymous 31891

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but there’s no “kissless virgin” thread, so here goes.

I feel like I’m making too big of a deal over my first kiss, and it’s honestly holding me back in my love life. I have oneitis over this guy who’s unattainable and always have a glimmer of hope in me that my first kiss could be with him. In reality, it’s very unlikely.

I’ve never gone out on a second date with a guy because of this. I always chicken out because it might result in a kiss, and I can’t stop the little voice in my head saying “what if” about my oneitis crush. I’m an older kv and this guy is the first guy I’ve ever been interested in, so that built up some undue importance in him and in my first kiss.

How do I get over this? How can I see that a first kiss is not a big deal at all?

Anonymous 31893

Read the bible and go to church you'll meet a guy with your exact thinking and you'll be happy.

Anonymous 31894



The strength of men scares me Anonymous 31526[Reply]

I am a caddy for my part time job (best job for an unskilled highschooler or university student btw). There is this cute guy there I have a crush on, but he seems quite shy and just likes to read his book while waiting for a golfer. The few times we’ve talked he seems quite pleasant.

I’ve always known men were stronger than us, but it’s another thing to see it in person. I’ve noticed that when he caddies, he carries the entire golf bag with one arm by the handle up and out to his side, kind of like the pose when flexing your bicep, and he fucking SPRINTS with it. He runs ahead on each hole to see where the ball lands, and he runs significantly faster than the golf carts.

He doesn’t even look like some sort of muscle beast from /fit/. He’s just a tall, thin, toned guy who might lift a few times a week. He could probably kill me with a single punch, and then follow up with 80 more without running out of breath. I would probably have a panic attack if we got in an argument and he got angry and started shouting. I don’t even know how you could have an equal relationship with someone when the difference in power is so immense. They say it’s borderline rape when a CEO fucks an intern due to the difference in power, but what about physical power?

I was already a little afraid of men’s predatory instincts and behavior, but to see it reinforced that whenever I’m around men I’m only alive because they permit it freaks me out. How do you cope with this?
104 posts and 16 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 31861

What about women being abusers?

We can keep asking questions irrelevant to the thread

Anonymous 31879

I honestly understand this feel.

I'm a lifelong "big girl" so I always thought that any unarmed person couldn't seriously hurt me due to my weight alone (a small comfort that fatties on here may relate to). However, I ended up hooking up with a skinny (played sports for fun but had sort of a skinny fat pear-shaped body with small man boobs) university student and we were play fighting one day and he pinned me and I actually couldn't get away. I had maybe 20kilos on this kid and he could seriously hurt me if he actually wanted to with zero fight experience on his part.
While I'm not one of those dumb fucks who honestly think this dude as is could beat a trained female fighter at peak physical condition, it is scary as someone who always thought that lardassery could protect me from an average young and healthy man. It's humbling and encouraged me to start lifting.

Anonymous 31881

He had technique over you. Use your weight to your advantage to avoid getting pinned in the first place.

Anonymous 31886

No, he had muscle mass over her, which along with leverage is the deciding factor.

Testosterone lets boys have retain muscle mass at a higher rate then women can, so Even if you set a man and a woman who are the same weight next to one another, the boy will likely have more musculature than the girl.

Anonymous 31887

She said she was a fatty and her bf was a skinny guy, with proper stance and law of physics on her side she should stand a chance. This is just my observation in retrospect, and what I'm trying to say is her loss wasn't due to the fact it was male vs female but instead skill difference.


Anonymous 31864[Reply]

Do you care about how a man dresses? I do and none of my friends do, I’m convinced there isn’t a normal man out there who I can just take shopping with me and actually offer valuable critique and appreciate the same things as me. Am I in the minority for wanting this? My friends don’t care about how guys dress so I feel like some weird outlier
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 31876

Do you mean men in general, like friends and relatives? I wouldn't care about those, but I definitely care about how my bf dresses.
Whenever he dresses in a suit and dress shoes for a party or something all I can think about all night is how hot he looks and how much I want to rub my hands all over his body. I like it a lot better when he dresses nicely, which happens pretty often thankfully.

Anonymous 31877

Not really. I will say that a good sense of style can turn an otherwise "meh" dude into a hottie in my eyes, but a lack of fashion sense is definitely not a deal breaker for me. The way I see it, I can always change the way a man dresses if it's really that bad (think a uniform of sweatpants and ill fitting t-shirts).

Anonymous 31878

I mean, he propositioned me (and has been the one pursuing oddly) so I'm actually not rushing it myself lol.
>at least pretty enough that they won't throw rocks my way
Sounds similar to the majority of my attempts at romance tbh. Even now though I'm a healthy weight and get called cute, I have moderate acne so I'm still held back with looks. I'm not sure how this guy is seeing past it but I'm glad!

I'm sure you'll find someone, anon. You can't be that bad looking.

Anonymous 31883

I care. The guy I had a crush on for such a long time wore really nice-looking streetwear (and has a nice IG following for it). The clothes really enhance how nice and cool he looks and shows his style.

Anonymous 31885

On one hand, I think someone who knows how to style themselves can be quite nice. On the other hand, vanity is a bit of a red flag. It’s not inherently vain to have an aesthetic sensibility, but the model type seems off-putting to me.

I think that there can be something of a boyish charm in the sloppy ways some guys dress. I also think that clothing influences our understanding of people more than we may fully realise- Perhaps OP’s friends are into boycore and don’t consciously know. That or clothing is trivial and they just wish to peel the banana to see what’s underneath.


Vent Thread Anonymous 31601[Reply]

Old thread: >>27562
19 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 31750

I really want to break up with my bf but he has nothing besides me and I'm honestly afraid he might kill himself at this point if I do. I hate this and myself.

I feel for you anon, let it all out. Not being able to trust your own mother is such an awful feeling. Please be safe.

Anonymous 31757

thanks guys, i'll do my best to not get hit like this anymore

Anonymous 31758

Why do you want to break up with him?

Anonymous 31771

cups are insanely good, they make my period so much easier. you can't feel them at all when they're in, they can be worn for 12 hours, and they don't have the TSS risk of tampons. also way more environmentally friendly if you're into that. 100% recommend to anyone who can use them

Anonymous 31884

On a business trip for the first time in my life. I feel lonely and nervous alone in my hotel room. Reminds me of the first night I lived in college dorms. Wish I were home instead.


How to show interest when a mean approaches me Anonymous 31863[Reply]

Most of my friends think I'm a lesbian because they had never seen me with any men and when some guys approach me. How do I show interest in them? How do I behave if when he wants and I want too?

Anonymous 31867

stare into his eyes for more than 2 seconds, he'll know.

Anonymous 31882

Smile, laugh, be nice.

Screenshot (8).png

Does anybody else hate their nationality? Anonymous 26777[Reply]

I've always despised it, I hate everything about it: food, language (everybody hates it), customs, the people and even the traditional clothes (look way too slutty).
But the thing I hate them most is the way we look.

Yesterday I came across this by accident and frankly, it hurts me a lot. This is really how the vast majority of german men think.
People unironically use "you are so german!" as an insult when fighting. They are obsessed with foreign women, I can guarantee you, if you were to come here as a foreigner, they'd flock to you like there's no tomorrow. They're very vocal about prefering them too ("women from X are so much better").
And it seems as if nearly everybody shares that opinion - meanwhile the men are seen as very attractive by foreigners: tall, strong jaw line, etc. As an example, everybody was gushing about our soccer team - which of course only adds to their big ego.

The sad thing is, I completely fit the characteristics this guy described: I'm too tall, have a big nose, I'm shy, so I don't dress up, nor can I dance and I'm a very serious, no-fun person. Can't say anything about my dating life, because I never had a bf to begin with.
I actually do find some of the girls around me pretty, but if even they're considered ugly by international standards, then just how low am I?

I'm grateful for living in a safe 1st world country, but other than that, there's nothing nice about it. I'm so jealous of other people's cultures and appearances.
Is there a way to look more exotic, interesting, better?

Here's the link (no idea who asked that, but all replies are negative): https://www.quora.com/Why-are-so-many-German-girls-so-pretty
92 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 31854

I used to dislike it but as I matured I realised it's better here, compared to the US and some Western Europe countries. They are waaay too liberal.

Anonymous 31860

Yes. I hate being polish, we're rightfully a laughing stock of every other nation.

Anonymous 31865

>they all say while drowning in chaos amidst a deafening silence spawned by political correctness and a culture of self-censorship

Anonymous 31866

Suffering is universal, doesn't matter who what where when you are

Anonymous 31872

Euroanon here. The only negative stereotypes I know about Polish people is that you steal cars and are poor. These aren't even that bad. If I were Polish, I wouldn't be able to take them seriously.
If it makes you feel any better, I really think other people are associated with even more AND worse stereotypes. Which sucks (for them) of course but that's sadly how the world is.


Anonymous 31809[Reply]

I'm getting to the point where I don't feel comfortable posting on social media anymore. Reddit, Discord, Twitter, Instagram….the works.

I hate that everything is tied to my identity forever, and it doesn't automatically delete the way imageboards do (unless you're on 4chan with a tripcode, then people can search your trip…I guess…).

I wish social media would automatically delete my history after 1 year. I'm usually a pretty active user, so deleting all my comments is annoying.

I wonder if this is stage 1 cancer from imageboard use. What is stage 2?
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 31823

You're breaking free from the mental conditioning and oversocialization. Congrats !

And remember : before 2007 it was considered common sense to never post personal or identifying information and to always use a pseudonym on the internet. It was even something that primary school children were taught. Of course, the masses quickly forgot this mindset when social media came along.

Anonymous 31831

I would say you're having a pretty reasonable response to what the world is like in 2019.

Image boards have been my out ever since I realized that I would be haunted by my 13 year old self forever if I ever became a person of note or got a determined stalker. The odds of me ever being a person of note are slim, but I find myself deliberately avoiding anything that could even remotely go in that direction out of unease.

Anonymous 31834

Understandable, I also feel spoiled by imageboards.
I like freely posting extreme bullshit and not having it connected to one account, especially without the expectation and audience that comes with social media. If I disappear off of a chan no one will know but if I drop my twitter or insta I have to account for it. And attention on imageboards is equally distributed whereas on social media it's all about chance, appeal, and a matter of time to collect followers, which someone like me just doesn't have the long-term social energy to do. (talking as a person who posts drawings btw)

Right? I never post pictures of me or my full name on social media, and normies I meet irl think I'm bizarre for it. Yet this was the norm for me growing up, and still is in some spaces (read: fandom and online artist spaces) I crawled around in before I stopped posting.

Anonymous 31842


I totally feel you anon. Social Media is too much effort to hide your true self, it makes me feel fake and I can't cope with that. That's why im almost always on imageboards.

Anonymous 31848

I have a few accounts still (Tumblr, Wattpad, Archiveofourown, various forums) but I periodically delete them and start over because I don't like having an identity. Imageboards are the only place I feel safe to post because people usually don't recognize me. But I did get recognized a few times on 4chan so I had to move here. Men are scary and enjoy doxxing women.

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