College/Uni feels Anonymous 10[Reply]
Share the good, the bad, and hell of pursuing a degree. Whether it be living in a dorm with a horrible roommate, classes kicking your ass, or something happening relating to school that has filled you with joy.123 posts and 23 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.
>mfw I passed my exams for the first semester of the year but can't find an internship despite being competent enough, so I won't be able to graduate this year
>tfw I found out today that an idiot from high school is attending my university in the same class as mine
I know a lot of people say it's bad to take a semester off because you'll lose focus, but I feel like I'm barely able to keep up. Since I started college, I've always taken the summer session and now I'm a junior and I feel exhausted and burnt out. In the time I'm gone, I want to get officially diagnosed with ADHD because it or something similar to it severely impacts my life, finally get my driver's license so I can maybe get started on moving away from my family which is distracting and mentally exhausting for me to deal with. I also plan on starting a structured routine I can follow in hopes of me making sure that I can succeed at school in the future.
I want to switch majors, but the GPA for that major is the highest GPA requirement if you want to switch into it at my school and it infuriates me because I see people who have trouble with the entry classes in that major, yet for me, those classes were decently easy and my GPA was weighed down by all the times I got severely depressed and shit when I took GEs. I know I'm a fuck up, but it makes me feel disgusted because I keep on going on and I don't want to just keep going on, barely surviving, always fighting to reach the minimum. I want to thrive and I feel cramped and unable to because of my living situation.
I feel bad if I take a quarter off because I want to graduate as fast as possible. But at the same time, I want to be able to get excellent grades that I think better reflect my abilities (since I'm horrible at turning in homework on time, unable to focus even if I'm trying my hardest to, etc), especially since I want to go to graduate school.
What I'm scared of is that I'll lose motivation and then quit college altogether…but I don't think I will, I'm super determined to finish. I want to finish well and I feel unable to. But maybe it's all in my head.
Any advice or input is appreciated. Are there ways for someone who has extreme issues with focusing on tasks, turning in things on time, overall bad executive function, etc. to improve without quitting school? I feel stuck, I want to free myself and then go back to school when I feel okay with myself and when I'm not surrounded by crappy people.
If it's not clear, I know all my problems are because of me. I'm trying to fix them. I've had periods of months where I could stick to a routine, but then I'd always come crashing down, unmotivated and depressed. Structuring things is exhausting for me, but it's also the only way for me to get anything done. I feel a little pathetic because i feel like only medication can help fix my shit personality, but honestly, even that is silly because I doubt my parents would be willing to pay for my prescription even though they could because they think pills are bullshit. I know they don't magically fix everything, either, but at least I maybe could do a few normal things throughout the day without feeling mentally drained from having to concentrate on doing them.
As you could probably note, my hatred for these people is wholly irrational. There is no sense of twisted justice, no retribution against a perceived wrong other than my natural inclination to loathe such wrongness. The rush I get from poisoning these boring fucks has died down but a cool fulfillment remains. It makes the shitty piece of paper at the end all the more worth it.
I'm glad I started being so honest with myself those months back! And I'm glad my prose could entertain. The Ming dynasty bit was my favorite part.
"And you, my Tyrians,
harry with hatred all his line, his race to come:
make that offering to my ashes, send it down below.
No love between our peoples, ever, no pacts of peace!
Come rising up from my bones, you avenger still unknown,Post too long. Click here to view the full text.