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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

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Anonymous Admin 49939[Reply]

Do not make threads about the following topics or you will be temp banned:


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Anonymous 57228[Reply]

Have any of you ever had to end a long term (let's say minimum of 2 years) relationship that you didn't really want to end, but you felt like you had no choice?

>What made you leave?
>How did you feel afterwards?
>How did life go after becoming single again?
>Did you date again, and if so, how was it overall?

My fiance is a heavy alcoholic. We have been together for four years and I have tried time and time again to help him to quit but he just isn't trying. It's an endless cycle of him vowing to stop and then drinking the very next morning. Yesterday I woke up to him being absolutely wasted at 10 am and then he came home from a friend's house hours later even more fucked up with a mysterious gash on his forehead, wallet and glasses missing, and passed out on the porch. I love him so much but his drinking is slowly killing me and I just can't do this forever. He has done so much for me and I feel like such a bitch even considering leaving him, but I have absolutely no stability in my life and the drinking makes me feel even more like my life will never be in my control.

I've never really been in this predicament because I've only been in one other long term relationship and he was physically abusive and cheating on me, so it was a much easier choice to leave, but this time it just feels so much more complicated and hard. We were supposed to spend forever together and I'm watching him slowly but surely poison himself and destroy our chances of having any semblance of a normal life instead.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 57240

My advice: make it clear that even though you love him, you won't stay with a person who refuses to get treatment.
I lost the love of my life because I didn't want to treat my personality disorder. Hopefully your fiance won't make the same mistake as me.



>What made you leave?
Most times when he hit me I did some kind of emotional manipulation (unintentional but insidious) to deserve it, but on a few times it felt quite undeserved.
And he cheated on me and then lied about it, which obliterated my trust in him. A death threat, too (from when we tried to get back together but had a fight).
I was also pretty toxic and refused to get treatment which made us miserable.


>How did you feel afterwards?
Like I was making the decision to be lonely and unhappy forever.
Shitty for leaving him on the hardest times of his life. And shitty for leaving someone I loved and promised to stay with forever.

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Anonymous 57256

>>57240
You blame yourself too much anon. He physically abused you and cheated on you. You're better off without him. You didn't deserve to be treated like that.

Anonymous 59391

Bump

Anonymous 59397

Yes. I loved him but we fought absolutely constantly, daily if not multiple times a day. There was a lot of hurt and resentment that built up over years and the issues never got resolved. I couldn’t learn to hold my tongue and neither could he really. Underneath it all I think we did love each other but we had some serious emotional and temper issues and it got too toxic to continue. Apparently he’s with someone new and they never fight lol, so good for him.

Anonymous 59408

Have you thought about doing an intervention? He may need a lot of help but there's treatment for addiction he could go through.
I've left a long term partner before, he was emotionally abusive and stalked me and assaulted me afterwards and I had to get a restraining order against him. When it was just the leaving him part I felt like my whole life was falling apart and that I was losing something I'd never find again (surprise, I did find love again and I'm much better off). But I felt hopeless and lost and like I had nothing to live for for a few months there. It got much better with time and I was surrounded by a wonderful group of friends and family to support me through it.

Do you have friends and family you could reach out to? It might be good to also speak with a therapist/counselor if you have the means. Ultimately you can't fix his addiction, he has to want to get better, you can try your best but if you feel it's time to let him go do what's best for you.

Even if he helped you through some shit, you can't let your whole life revolve around somebody who refuses to grow and get better. You both deserve to be the best you can be, and enabling him won't help.


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Adhd Anonymous 59395[Reply]

I feel like my adhd is out of control.
Between that, lack of motivation, and the internet I never get anything done.

I just read shit online. All day long. Not social media. Just. Like articles or whatever.

When I could be doing something anything else.
I have so many hobbies that I love to do. And I just. Don’t.

I know I need to change my adhd medication to extended release.
But it’s being online so much that really bums me out.
I don’t even watch tv or YouTube.
I need to reinstall my screen time password that my husband knows because I legit have zero self control and no other apps are worth anything.
Between 5 to 10 hours like wtf. I hate it.

Anonymous 59406

I have the same problem. The key for me is to make sure I don't boot up the computer the first thing in the morning. I notice any day that I start browsing after I wake up is almost guaranteed to be totally lost since it's hard for to pull away from the screen.

Anonymous 59407

I also have adhd, I'm medicated and do the extended release shit. When I don't take my meds I try to fill my schedule for the day with things that require other people, or ask somebody(often just my partner) to "body double" with me (sit in the room while I do chores because I can't be fucked to do it unless somebody is watching me).

Mostly what helps me is just external judgment. I won't want to keep scrolling if my partner walks in and sees all I've done that day was fuck around on the internet deep diving down a Wikipedia hole.
I also work in research so the tendency to dive down wikipedia holes is helpful sometimes for that. There are ways to take advantage of the hyperfocus but it can be challenging to get there.


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Qt Partner Thread Anonymous 37674[Reply]

Greentext traits and how lovely your partner is
261 posts and 42 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 59357

>>59344
he sounds like a dream. his hobbies are top tier. hope yall last a long time ❤

Anonymous 59361

CyMi0ydWQAAbRRs.pn…

>>59357
>>59344
>5'7
>dream

Anonymous 59362

>>59361
Shut up. Your boy toy is 5'6, Tohsaka.

Anonymous 59366

>>59361
That kind creates anons everyday.

Anonymous 59405

>>59361
This. Unless you have some kind of manlet fetish, it's not a dream.


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Anonymous 58046[Reply]

I am a former pickme and somewhat tradthot.
I got into feminist theory, particularly radfem theory, and the way men treated me my whole life finally started making sense. For years I thought my mistreatment was my own fault for not being pretty enough, submissive enough, young enough, cultured enough, etc. It took me this long to realize that no matter how well I performed femininity, men did not treat me any better. Misogynists will never see women as human and they'll never make room for exceptions, the archetype of the exception that I chased desperately.

I don't really know how to move forward in a healthy way. I was always afraid of men, but now I'm afraid in a whole new way. Men hate the women they have under their thumb but they hate women outside of their influence even more. I'm in fear of what my ex might do to me if he ever feels like he needs to take me down a notch. I can already feel myself becoming more paranoid in my daily life as a result of my new mindset. I am losing my self-loathing and exchanging that for loathing and fearing men. Though justifiably, I'll add.

If anyone has been in the same situation as me please tell me how you were able to move on, and become happy. The paranoia is very intense, and I'd really like to overcome it.
23 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 59355

>>59323
Seriously, what the hell is this?

Anonymous 59387

>>59323
It’s the latest zoomer craze
>im so trad and smol uwu cottagecore uwu catholicism lets convert sisters!

Anonymous 59388

>>59387
i don't think it's zoomers, i think it's mostly millennials

Anonymous 59394

>>59388
Nah its zoomers. Tradlarping was trending on twitter and tiktok for a while.

Anonymous 59402

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>>59387
Every time I see the disparaging use of 'smol' and 'uwu' I am reminded of lolcow. I'm not against Christianity, I follow Jesus Christ, but if something is being done to appeal to a niche crowd for money/attention it is a little disingenuous and I become mildly ruffled. So maybe that is what has annoyed you also.


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Vent thread Anonymous 58197[Reply]

last thread was >>56355
288 posts and 35 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 59389

>>59383
yeah because it's true. if we're to be optimistic, they're conditioned into it largely by somewhat more recent trends, not that this isn't a thread that hasn't been running thru our history tho. but at least in the 70s shit was a lot less pedophilic, comparatively. big bushes were in and looked great, our actual anatomy was emphasized

Anonymous 59393

has anyone gone through court mediation? is this just a waste of money or do mediators actually tend to give a shit about whether or not one party was actually wronged?

Anonymous 59396

>>59393
You're fundamentally misunderstanding what mediation is about. Mediation is purely there for two parties to come to an agreement as far as how to settle a dispute mutually, i.e. the mediator doesn't pick a team, he's purely there to help facilitate you and the other party so it doesn't need to go into a lengthy (and costly) legal case. If you purely feel wronged and want someone to rule whether or not you were wronged, that's what the legal system is for, since I highly doubt you're going to convince the other party (again the meditator is neutral and does not give a fuck who is "right" or "wrong") to just admit he's a horrible person.

What are you trying to get out of mediation?

Anonymous 59400

I never any real female friends in the past. A few months ago I met a nice girl from my city, for the first time I was feeling like I could have a girl as a friend. We had a lot in common and she didn't have any retarded view on politics or life in general.
Yesterday she showed me one of her profiles where she post degenerate stuff and slutty pics (not her, just random slutty girls). Now I feel like I can't take her seriously.
Why people in general so obsessed with sex? I used to think it was just a moid thing, but in my experience, most girls around 18-30 are like that, they just know how to hide their degeneracy.
I don't consider myself conservative or anything, but this kinda makes me feel depressed. I like sex and sometimes I even watch porn, but I don't feel the need to constantly be watching lewd content. I hope it's just a thing with people who spend a lot of time on internet, because if the average person it's like that, I feel like eventually I'm going to go crazy.

Anonymous 59401

>>59400
It makes the whole thing less special if it's banalised and everywhere, instead of something spiritual and precious. That's the most sad part. When it becomes casual, humans become disposable. So maybe that's why you hate it.

I think you'll make friends soon. Practice talking to family at least. I'm pretty much a loner too, but most of my friends were muslim so they didn't do these things. I seethe when I see heterosexual couples because I want to be a heterosexual myself and am closeted, I want it so badly. Just feel like I am malfunctioning. Separate from the bond of common experience I could have shared with other women.


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Anonymous 33369[Reply]

>into femdom
>met beta orbiter on 4chan
>he's into femdom too obviously
>tease him and humiliate him a lot
>he's so desperate for me
>he says that he loves me every day
>showers me with compliments and affection
>never felt anything like this
>he's always there for me
>we do stuff like watching anime together
>waits for me whenever I go out at night to tell me goodnight
>sends me gifts on his own will
>I play with his feelings a lot
>lead him on a lot
>switch from pretending to love him to telling him I would never even let him touch me back and forth
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Anonymous 58407

>>58402
Yes. I wish people would stop using weird sexual lingo for innocuous desires like having a calm bf. He’s not “sub”, it’s a temperament!!

Anonymous 59332

>>58383
What? Did you actually look at some of those "advertisements" of soon-to-be-troons, or did you subject yourself to wading through the mountain of horny moid messages from your own ad?

Anonymous 59398

>>33422
What board?

Anonymous 59399

Yeah.

Anonymous 59404

holy shit op and the other girls who say they're in the same situation as op: go outside and meet real men, see if you're actually into femdom or just into the attention.


>>58382
/soc/ is filled with ridditors, moids looking for a quick nut, ethots looking for orbiters, and people looking to troll. I wouldn't trust it.
you're better off looking on reddit than /soc/ , personally I'd suggest fetlife if you must since it's more fetish oriented but it's better to avoid online dating at all.



seek professional help and get your shit sorted.


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Unsent letters Anonymous 2119[Reply]

Ever wanted to give someone a piece of your mind but you know you'd just regret it? Post in here and get it off your chest.
190 posts and 39 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 59163

>>59162
Take it to 4chan, princess.

Anonymous 59171

>>59163
I love you pretty ass bitch

Anonymous 59194

Dear M,
My gut is always right and I should’ve just stopped from the start because I know you don’t give a fuck, not really. Practice gf is not what I wanted to be but oh well, I’ve already wasted this much time.

Fuck you

Anonymous 59195

Dear N,

You're so patient, genuine, and kind. Your sweetness is why I've always loved you. You deserve so much better. I wish I could give it to you.

From R

Anonymous 59392

M, you stupid bitch, why can't you just be normal? I used to be your friend, you're one of my oldest friends. And I would like to continue being your friend. Stop being nasty and weird. I don't know what happened to you, you used to be cool. Get your own personality, your own friends and your own interests. You cannot copy me, and I don't mean that in a mean overinflated ego way. I'm nothing special, but I am me. My interests are genuine, which means I'm always several steps ahead of you. You're simply a defective copy now, a dollar store version, you came in discounted and plastic wrapped from Aliexpress. You and I are different people, you can't outdo me at doing me. That is why you always fail at everything.
I wouldn't even care about your stupid copycat game if you at least stopped trying to steal my friends and isolating me from them. Do you think no one notices?
I hope you recover from whichever brain injury caused you to act like this.
M


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FTM considering detrans Anonymous 59288[Reply]

I'm a 19y/o who troon'd at like 15 for reasons that I believe now had more to do with bullying and self loathing than actual dysphoria. Upon realizing this I have stopped T (I'd been on it for about a year) and am debating on if I should detransition entirely.

I ask you; if my body, naturally, before the T, had made me look like a literal ape with no tits and a Hank Hill ass, does it even do myself or anyone any good for me to detransition? I believe I would be happy to be essentially a butch lesbian if I was a lesbian, or at least bi, but I've never been attracted to women and thus I'm stuck being the exact opposite of the kind of shit straight guys like whilst having to care about it.
10 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 59376

>>59373
If you're talking about people who destransition, they do. If you're talking about trannies before they trooned out, they tried that during the conversion therapy era and it didn't work. Conservatives weren't only trying to make gay people not gay, they tried to make troons not troons either.

Anonymous 59379

Have you tried coercing a gay man into being your boyfriend yet? Don't give up on trooning out unless you're sure it didn't work.

Anonymous 59384

>>59379
that sounds like terrible advice lmao

Anonymous 59385

>>59384
OP isn't dysphoric. Her main concern is whether she'll be attractive to men. My advice is flawless.

Anonymous 59390

how much has the T affected you?


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I got fucking arrested Anonymous 59277[Reply]

I am not happy about it at all. I just got out of "jail" 40 minutes ago and I am still shook.
My mom, who lives more than an hour away, had to drive and pick me up as the police chief, or whoever the fuck this fat goober was, told me that "only family or a lawyer can come for you". (I have absolutely no idea if that's even legally true but he didn't seem to care) I sat in the police station for 9 hours, handcuffed to a bench behind fencing in the assclown's office while he questioned me, from the other side of the gate. He said he was "doing me a favour instead of putting me in the actual cells". I was allowed out ONCE to drink a water bottle. I cried pretty much the entire time. This happened because my friend's neighbours (she lives in a duplex) were messing with my motorcycle helmet, and when I asked them to stop and took my helmet back, one of them called me a bitch and kicked my bike over. I reacted… animalistically. Turned out the pricks were 14, and after hearing from one of their moms how if this happened before her accident "I'd be dead on the side of the road" They arrived while I was on my bike just making sure everything worked and none of the leaks were that bad.
When they arrested me, the "partner" got just a little gropey with me, but the "senior" was a sneering grumpy black woman who I figured wasn't interested in listening. and the worst part is one of the charges is "attempting to flee" I might never get my motorcycle, which belonged to my dad, back.

Anybody here have any experience getting arrested and dealing with police? what do I have to look forward to from here? Is the fact that the judge is a woman going to help me any?
11 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 59326

>>59320
>Both morally and under US Law, the health of a human is worth more than property.
Really depends on the state as far as Castle doctrine is concerned. In the specific case of a robbery, doesn't matter if they were just going to steal my shit, I will gun that fucker down.

Anonymous 59327

>>59320
Yeah, cursory glance at the average US state law, if someone is vandalizing your property (i.e. shoves your bike over) you're not allowed to kill them, but you can protect your property. I guess it does depend if OP just beat the hooligans until they ran away, or if she pinned them on the ground and repeatedly attacked them in that manner attempting to kill them.

Anonymous 59328

>>59295
Sorry I missed this earlier, no it's in burger land
>>59310
I do not have a record, the judge told me that is why I was allowed to go.
My mother says she "knows a guy" so I am waiting on a lawyer.

A bit of an update: Apparently they heard the mom on the phone with their LL, she's going full speed ahead with trying to have them evicted over this, no idea where that's gonna go.
According to digging my friend and her bf did, the son's friend is part of some facebook group called "the [areacode] knockout squad" which also had an instagram that the police monitored before it was shut down (no idea if that was by ig or the owner but shrug). Some of the members of the group are as old as 29, and they think one of them was originally the boyfriend of their neighbor. Which just, wow.
I have no idea if any of this helps my case at all, or if the fact that they were minors means their character vs mine is even taken into account. but that's what's changed know so far.

Anonymous 59337

fuck, that's terrible.
honestly i have a bad reaction to people fucking with me because of growing up in bad circumstances. i look like a book nerd but react instantly and violently when someone crosses the line. worried i might end up in jail eventually when some cunt decides to try and push me around and finds out I'm not taking their shit, because so many people have tried using me as a sandbag and I had to develop this reaction to meet tit with tat. so I know your feel exactly on going animal mode on them. That's a survival mechanism.
>>59301
>I hit them both a lot.
Good. Was it cathartic?
>>59297
Those girls who murdered that uber driver in DC recently were 15.
>>59328
>knockout squad
You need to leave the area. Acquire a firearm immediately. I knew people into shit like that. They're animals. Leave immediately, just pack your shit and get out. These fucking trash have no limits and will commit felonies over petty offenses. At minimum they will vandalize your property, sugar in gas tanks, cut brake lines, etc, which can kill you. See if you can get a restraining order, not because the paper will actually keep them away, but so when they come for trouble and you get in an altercation with them, the paper trail is on your side.

Anonymous 59382

>>59277
Lawyer up. Say nothing else without a lawyer.


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