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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/23/2020 - No new rules, only clarification added.

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E-girls/Onlyfans Anonymous 36640[Reply]

I don't wanna sound /r/NotLikeTheOtherGirls, and maybe I'll have some SJWs yell at me for "internalized misogyny", but does any other girl HATE e-girl/OnlyFans/titty streamer culture?

I think I mostly hate it due to how it affects me. When you tell people you play games nowadays, people create an image in their head of some cosplaying girl selling her nudes, playing a game mediocrely in a bikini on Twitch.

It embarrasses me to say I like games anymore.
People say, "what is the issue with it?" but there are no girls in pro gaming scenes… and the only popular female gamers are girls that are sexualizing themselves for creepy guys, and it makes women look like a joke, in my opinion.
Like, it confirms stupid sexist incel logic who think all girls just want male attention if they like male-dominated interests.

If you saw a poster for brilliant STEM-lords/scientists, and all of the men on the poster were respectable looking scholars in ties, but the only girl on the poster was completely naked, wearing a labcoat and nothing else, sucking on an Erlenmeyer flask or some degenerate shit, do you not understand why that makes me feel uncomfortable?

We have such an issue with men objectifying ourselves to begin with, and I feel like it's just encouraging it.

It makes me feel gross being seen as a human fleshlight for creepy incels… not to mention, it comes off as lazy to use your sexuality to get by instead of working to be good at games/be a good streamer/etc.

Why do so many women get validation in attention from nasty incels that look like a fucking wart?
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
29 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38403

>>38402
This.
>having sex for money makes you a whore!
>you should be having it with me for free instead :^)
Jfc, why do women still buy into this crap? Sex in exchange for resources is literally natural, even female penguins and shit wont mate with a male unless he has enough rocks as an offering lol, marriage is was always basically an exchange of fertility and sex for money and security too. Nothing wrong with acknowledging this.

Anonymous 38496

>>38385
>can't criticize other women
what

Anonymous 38559

these women fill an important economic and psychological niche. men live to simp. they wish to simp so much that they'll pay for the privilege. these women offer simping acceptance services.

Anonymous 38560

>>38403
so then… men are right to only want to fuck and pay attention to women who are hot and fertile just as women are right to only want to get attention from and get fucked by men who are wealthy and can make their lives comfortable?

Anonymous 38561

it used to annoy me too… but, now, any woman who can make decent coin off of stupid men… i can't be angry at that lmao



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Qt Partner Thread Anonymous 37674[Reply]

Greentext traits and how lovely your partner is
39 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38551

>>38550
I just looked through the thread really quickly. This is one of these moments where I am reminded how glad I am that I am no longer friends with mentally unstable people like that. They were really an incredibly drain on my psyche. Impossible to build up. Always threatening suicide, self-harm or spreading toxicity to gain attention from me.

Maybe having a mental breakdown and threatening to kill yourself, because another person surpasses you at something, is a worse quality to have than the thing you are worried about in the first place.

Anonymous 38552

>>38551
I don't know, I think these guys just have a very warped perception. When I'm talking about my perfect husbando, it's a total fantasy. Fantasies very rarely line up with reality, and that's OK, I don't think I'll ever have a "perfect" bf. Even in their own threads most of them talk about wanting some hyperfeminine tradwife or picturesque legal loli or something else impossible. I don't know why they assume only they can have fantasies.

Anonymous 38553

>>38550
Lmao the thing I find funniest about this is that Im pretty sure over half of the people here are larpers or girls who described an imaginary partner and would date a fat midget in the real life. Trying to understand women by reading crystal cafe is like trying to understand men by reading /r9k/. And yet so many people do that and end up hating the opposite sex. Pretty funny. And sad. But mostly funny

Anonymous 38554

>>37674
>6'5"
>huge cock
>muscular/skinny
>attractive
>caring and sweet
>introverted intellectual
>loves me for who I am and wouldn't cheat on me even if a more attractive girl came along

Anonymous 38557

>>37815

True. This is literally my ex boss who would cheat on his wife constantly but "treated her like a queen"



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Sadposting Anonymous 17452[Reply]

Go
37 posts and 13 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38531

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I know it's a awful idea to risk outing my identity but there has been an active thread on me in the farms for a couple of years now and I really cannot take it anymore.
I think about taking my life every day and have ended up forced into public hospital multiple times as a result from attempts and it was traumatizing.

Shockingly I have enough self-control to have only read one of the threads once and I didn't respond to anyone, and most of it was complete bullshit blatantly written by people I know personally who have a vendetta against me but it still consumes me. cowtippers have successfully scared a majority of my friends and even role-models into cutting me off.

I'm in no way an "influencer" or ethot cosplayer and do anything I can to avoid attention publicly online but nothing I do discourages them. I wish I didn't care what anons thought about me.
I've done some embarrassing shit on social media when I was going through a really unbearable time in my life but none of it was really noteworthy.
I'm so fucking scared of checking any social media or even discord due to the amount of unexpected death threats I've got, I'm such a pussy.

This is my first time posting here as for my own mental wellbeing I've forced myself to stop lurking lolcow and kiwifarms because even if the threads on me didn't exist they drilled such toxic thoughts and behavior into my brain and I can't stand it.
I feel like in a weird way I deserve this suffering, it's karma for all the years of my life as a teenager where my main source of entertainment was observing /cgl/ era lolcows.

Anonymous 38532

>>38531
relax, anon. you need to cool your jets.

have you considered deleting any and all of your social media? you might have to simply cut ties with your current online persona, just as a starter.

Anonymous 38533

>>38532
Yeah, you're right. Sorry for being so dramatic.

I've tried deleting my accounts multiple times and dropped using usernames or icons that could possibly identify me but a couple of specific people end up finding the new accounts every time. On private accounts I get really low effort troll accounts in my requests occasionally.
I've always been pretty paranoid so I never really disclose private info like my age or where I live.

I've also tried just outright quitting social media and having no accounts at all for sometimes up to 5 months at a time but there's always still the couple of people who won't give up.

Anonymous 38535

>>38533
there has to be SOME sort of identifying information for them to be able to find you, even if they're dedicated. what sites do you use where people stalk you? you may have to abandon those sites entirely, or really go out of your way to genuinely divorce yourself from your usual way (e.g. going out of your way to type differently, not talking about topics you might usually, using a completely new and isolated email acount, etc). if trolls keep finding you, then you must be leaving some sort of breadcrumb trail, you should try to figure out what it is and then eliminate it. this might even involve cutting ties with people you're friends with.

whatever the case, you might want to take a few days of minimal, or no, contact with any kind of social media whatsoever. like, perhaps for a week. give yourself time to see, really see, that outside of the internet, things are Just Fine (or relatively, anyway).

Anonymous 38555

https://www.wprost.pl/warszawa/10337375/podawal-sie-za-amerykanskiego-zolnierza-i-randkowal-z-polkami-nigeryjczyk-wyludzil-230-tys-zlotych.html

6 women fell for a Nigerian man pretending to be USA soldier. He used dating apps to find them. Later on, asked them for money to cover "customs fares" for his valuable parcel.
This is 2020 and women are still failing for this meme. Where is our weak spot that they manage to exploit us so cruelly? I'm sad right now fam.



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Anonymous 36663[Reply]

The fact that most men watch porn even when theyre in a relationship makes me wants to die. How the fuck am I supposed to find a bf when 99% of men are coomers because they cant stop themselves to save their life from jacking off to a screen. I wish guys understood how shitty it makes us feel. You’ll never look as good as the girls he sees on porn. Anyone else feel this way?
199 posts and 13 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38534

>>38530
>I've never been with a guy that regularly watches real life porn
based

Anonymous 38536

>>38534
Same, but also 2d. My man finds 2d especially weird.

Anonymous 38539

>>38524
I parrot this response. I even draw my own ffs.

Anonymous 38544

Meh… After interacting a lot online, it seems like a lot of women don't like the thought of their partner getting off the porn. It's one of the things I don't like, but am scared to speak about 'cause I know I will look crazy.

People argue that there is a difference between an action (cheating) and fantasy, and that feeling attraction and lusting toward others is normal, but I personally don't do that… so maybe I'm naive, and idealistic.

When they have sex with me, are they fantasizing about someone else…?

My partner said he didn't watch porn, but I saw on his bookmarks while he was showing me a YouTube video that he had some saved. I didn't say anything, but my crazy ass for some reason, searched her name when he left the room on my phone, and the girl looked like me in terms of the physical characteristics he says he likes about me, even the same accent, so maybe I should take it as flattering? I don't know.

I personally find porn really gross, but I'm not a visual person at all, and am "demisexual" (if that is a real thing), and don't ever ask my partner for nudes for that reason. Him talking dirty to me or something would turn me on more so than a disembodied dick photo.

Anonymous 38549

>>38544
> Him talking dirty to me or something would turn me on more so than a disembodied dick photo.

I think majority of women are like that, so it's normal. I have yet to meet a woman who gets aroused by dickpics.



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Anonymous 38481[Reply]

Does his heart belong to the pussy, or to your whole person?
How can you know?
1 post and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38506

It's related to the nature of your first offering.

Anonymous 38507

>>38481
>How can you know?
You can't, no matter how many reasons or explanations you recieve, you must always make a leap of faith. Intimacy can not be established without revealing vulnerability.

Anonymous 38511

why cant it be both? im sure he wouldnt be happy with the relationship if you were just a floating fleshlight either

Anonymous 38515

>>38511
This.
Even my own romantic interest in men or women involves them sexually as well. Only aces are pure.

Anonymous 38545

I've always waited a long time to have sex with someone for that reason; so I know they're really interested in me.

I tend to move slowly in relationships in general 'cause of trust issues, and I feel like I wean out people like that just for how long it takes for me to do anything, haha.



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Anonymous 38519[Reply]

I met a guy through a game online several years ago and since then we’ve been friends aside from a year or so long period where we didn’t speak. When we started speaking again, he confessed his feelings towards me which I rejected and he took it well.

I thought since then he had gotten over it and it was fine, but I found out a few days ago he still has feelings for me. That wouldn’t be an issue, but he’s just started considering going to university. He said he wanted to go to the farthest ones so that he won’t have to commute to get away from his family, and his top 3 choices currently include my dream university which I have made clear that I am dead set on going, and two others that are very close by to it.

Am I overreacting or is this a bit strange? His family does seem crazy and he said those universities have a good reputation for his degree. But, I feel like he wouldn’t have to move so far if he was just adamant on it as well as the fact that he is also severely limiting his choices by basing them on location. A family member of his recently acted out so I think that’s what influenced it but I can’t help but feel self-centred. He mentioned it was a coincidence and at the very least he’d go a year later than me but even then I feel like our relationship would cross a boundary that I don’t want to cross.

Anonymous 38526

It is strange, and he is probably going into it with a scheming "– and then we'll fall in love!", but probably as a secondary/subconscious motivation.

At the same time, it isn't such a huge deal really imo. That aspect of it is purely wishful thinking on his part, but he has rational reasons for selecting it. You talking about the university means it's a university he knows about, it's a good fit for his degree, and it's 100% reasonable and normal for him to want to move away from his family.

And most of all, you two being on the same campus does not mean you guys will be seeing much of each other at all, if ever. Universities are really huge, it's nothing like high school. It's more like a suburb. You only see someone if you share a living space, a scheduled thing, or you make specific time to see them. Otherwise, they won't be part of your life. For all intents and purposes, chances are good even if you end up going to the same uni, it will still feel like that guy is only a distant online friend.

I understand your feelings and wariness though. If you're intuitively feeling "ew gross no stalker alert," then I would trust that and abort communication accordingly.

Anonymous 38528

>>38519
I would absolutely not remain friends with someone who tried to escalate it into a romantic relationship, who I turned down.

Think of the message you're sending to him, denying him and yet giving him little bits of hope. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, but this is how you get a stalker if he has Cluster B personality traits.

Cut him off. As one expert in the field says, to engage is to enrage. Every time you interact with him you're just reinforcing his stuff.

Anonymous 38529

>>38528
This, staying friends with someone who has a crush on you is stupid and cruel.



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Living with someone with a serious disorder or disability Anonymous 34633[Reply]

Part vent, part desperate plea for help…

My boyfriend whom I live with has OCD among other things. It wasn't a problem before, but the past 6 months it has been getting progressively worse. We spend 4-5 hours (possibly more, he cleans when I'm not home, too) cleaning every day. The whole apartment gets cleaned daily. We can't have any decorations because they'll quickly get "dirty" or become "dangerous." any niisefrom the upstairs or next door neighbors are because they're angry at us. Hands must be washed after everything. All surfaces constantly disinfected. If there's any splashing while washing, clothes must be changed, etc. Going out anywhere takes several hours of prep. After coming home, clothes must be taken off in the entryway, then one has to shower, then clean all areas where one walked (and hey, since you're cleaning already…. Do the other rooms, too!)

I desperately want him to get professional help, but he has trauma and is really distrustful of medical professionals. I offered to go to therapy /counseling together (no medications) but he refused.

I have my own disabilities and I know he's had to sacrifice to help me as well, so I'm usually patient and help. But all I do is work, clean, try to sleep but get waken up because something is dirty/dangerous, repeat. Sometimes for an hour or two he is back to his old self but then something happens and we're back to cleaning. It's so frustrating.

And of course I can't talk to anyone about it. I feel so isolated embarrassed, and frustrated that I can't do more and get won't get help.

Is anyone here in a similar situation (as either party)? What do you do? Any advice?
55 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38053

>>38044
Would the problems at home really be worse than what you're going through right now?

Also how would you even get water in a wine bottle? Sounds like he's just looking for things to argue about. Why would he ask you to do it if he couldn't trust you?

Anonymous 38058

>>38053
>Sounds like he's just looking for things to argue about.
Not OP but I don't think he is doing this on purpose. From the anti-psychotics drugs and the other incidents described here, it sounds like he is unable to see that what he is doing is wrong, like someone with schizophrenia or in a maniac state. Crazy people don't think they are crazy. To them everything is perfectly logical. Often our brain will throw up a thought of something to do but our mind will say "nah, don't do that, not a good idea, too much cleaning". For OP's bf, his brain is producing crazy cleaning ideas but his mind is agreeing with them. He he needs medication to shut that part of his brain off.

Anonymous 38152

Last night I finally just went out to the car to sleep. I did the same thing tonight after coming home, doing the whole cleaning routine, more cleaning while he took out frustration on me… Finally snapped at 1am tonight when we were finally about to eat dinner and he freaked out that my hand had passed over a chair after I had thrown something away, contaminating the chair. The last straw was when he said that I had avoided it on the way to the garbage "like a normal person" but was stupid on the way back. When I insisted it wasn't normal to be so upset in this situation he got mad and I didn't want to fight or blow up so I just left.

>>38053
>Sounds like he's just looking for things to argue about. Why would he ask you to do it if he couldn't trust you?

Sometimes he does purposely put me in situations where he knows I'll probably lie (asking me to do some gargantuan task that there's no need for and has already been done x times before) but only when he suspects I'm not doing what I say I'm doing. The reason he has me do it despite knowing I won't do it to his standards is because he has extremely high standards. He spent two hours washing and rehashing the shower head last night and still wasn't convinced of/the bath was clean.

The wine had a plastic safety seal, and he had asked me to waah my hands before opening it.

>>38045
I'm financially independent and pay the rent, water, and for food. We would both manage without each other financially; we'd probably both have more money. Especially him.

Honestly I just want to go home and sleep but I can't do more showers and cleaning.

Anonymous 38169

>>38152
>I'm financially independent and pay the rent, water, and for food.
Kick him out then. Send him to his parents or an inpatient clinic. Just get him out your life already.

Anonymous 38527

>>38169
I think I have to realize it's not going to be a linear progression. The same goes for me. We've had some arguments, but after some seemingly small changes things are getting better for the time being. I finally had a full night's sleep last night and we had a nice meal together this morning. We're looking into couples counseling. Lately his family visited and privately told me "anon really doesn't seem like himself,he really needs help." So his mom his helping me now.



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Detransition Thread Anonymous 38430[Reply]

A thread for FtMtF detransitioners.
Feel free to post in this thread if you…
• Took HRT but now identify as female
• Had a double mastectomy but now identify as female
• Presented yourself as male in the past but now identify as female.
… And so on.
16 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38476

>>38460
we are not, cc historically had many views with this topic, we just dont want trannies here because the rules are quite direct and simple about it. they can do whatever they want but they are not allowed to post here, that doesnt mean we are gender critical or that we hate them of anything. dont asume we are all terfs, or even feminist.

Anonymous 38477

>>38476
NTA but there are keywords in that anon's post.
>but pretty much everyone here is gender critical.
>pretty much
Yes, not everyone here is a radfem, but there are many and at the very least most agree to some degree with radical feminism when it comes to trannies. Anyways, you don't need an idealogy to know that they are men. Sorry, you can't change reality. Rules were made accordingly.

Anonymous 38478

>>38477
>Sorry, you can't change reality. Rules were made accordingly.

no one should be sorry for saying the truth sis, is ok. Is just that since gc was banned cc started to become more and more bitter and I really liked it as it was before. even tho, you are still very welcome.

Anonymous 38512

>>38476
Yes we are. If you recognize trannies are men and will always be that automatically makes you gender critical to a degree

Anonymous 38520

Should I move this thread to /b/?



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Dealing with Narc Friend Anonymous 38517[Reply]

I was friends with someone who had narc tendencies. He treated me poorly and was never been able to give explanation for his actions. He tends to badmouth everyone around him and he badmouthed someone who was a close friend to him.

I asked the narc on his reasons for doing so and he couldn’t give any explanation. He was purely defaming his friend’s character and abilities. I proceeded to warn the said friend as the said friend is also kinda close to me. The said friend confronted the narc and he ended up saying everything he said to me to the friend’s face and they friendship ended right there right then.

Along the way, I ended my friendship with the narc as well as he crossed way too many boundaries and lines, both with his actions and words.
The question is that, I feel guilty although I feel like what I did was right. Was my judgement wrong and I’m just denying it? Or is it because the narc wanted me to feel ashamed and guilty about it and I’m still not free from his chambers?

Anonymous 38518

>he tends to badmouth everyone around him
Good thing you’re so different.



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Anonymous 38138[Reply]

I hate being a woman. It's the most fundamental thing about my self, but I can't even understand it. Every day I feel this agony because I cannot get outside myself. I will never be able to experience a mind that's not my own. And I hate my mind. I can't think of things categorically, I can't remember complex things, everything takes me a long time, I can't do symbol-heavy activities like mathematics, I fundamentally can't read a fucking map, I can't imagine where I am. I can't see space. I can't see. I feel all the time like I can't see.

I was raised with the unequivocal notion that women and men are equal, and essentially the same. But everything I've discovered since then seems to hint at a difference in experience that, no matter how small in specific quality, seems to be the seed from which two fundamentally separate plants are grown. Reproduction is a fruitless project of hybridization, a hopeless attempt at metissage that every time yields only one isolated species. The project of human evolution is permanently halted in the necessity of human gender.

I was raised to think that women are the same as men, but I know they are different. I know too that they are better at some things. Better at caring, better at nesting, better at intuiting emotion, better at judging value. And when I list these out, they sound like pathetic qualities, and I futilely hope that there must be something else about women that I'm forgetting. But Beauvoir was right when she called woman the "other". Every other quality belongs to man. I feel isolated in this domestic little world, where I can be a woman and small and pointless and absorptive, or I can try to be more, and act against my own abilities.

I know I sound nuts. I know you will read this and say that I'm clearly a self-hating woman, that my perspective is too negative, that I don't understand, that I need to look at it differently. I guess I know that I need to look at it differently. But I don't know how to look at it differently, see the truth, and see a truth that doesn't make me want to cry.
60 posts and 18 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 38443

>>38441
Haha good, if so then ignore the more hostile jokes. It's just not often that people ask things like >>38433 sincerely and in good faith.

Anonymous 38444

>>38443
I understand, sincerity in arguments anywhere on the internet is hard to come by.

Anonymous 38445

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>>38433
>>38433
>Quite possibly. So please tell me, what do you define as civilization? Because if I am wrong I would like to be educated to have a fair discussion with you.
Sure anon. I would define civilization as both a rule over mankind and a way for mankind to rule over their own nature. It's a rising spirit that lifts mankind up.

A falling spirit, on the other hand, puts the quantitative before the qualitative, and turns away from spirituality to become mechanical instruments of production. An example of this myopic spirit is the claim that "we know things are better now because of the quantitative increase in life expectancy", which makes the reductionist assumption that simply living longer is a better life.

Under this definition empires, republics, federations, and nation states are anti-civilizations in spiritual decline. For example: in the past wars were fought in fields between castes of knights, leaving civilians intact on both sides to extract tribute from. After the 1800s the doctrine of "total war" was developed, which mistakes the nation for the economy, so to win a war means destroying the enemy economy and its civilians. This is illustrative of the decline from battles fought for fealty/honor to materialist wars. Similarly, empires are formed and wars of conquest are pursued because of misconceptions about reality like these.

Anonymous 38453

>>38445
I don't think I completely understand, but I believe I'm approaching it. You've listed several negative examples (i.e. a federation is not civilization), do you have any positive examples? i.e X is a civilization?

I will argue one point though.
>An example of this myopic spirit is the claim that "we know things are better now because of the quantitative increase in life expectancy", which makes the reductionist assumption that simply living longer is a better life.
While I can not speak for everyone, I believe it is the general case that historians and other social science types readily admit that "living a longer life" doesn't necessarily constitute a "better life". They're forced to find some metric by which to analyze things in order to present data. Have you found some other way of describing general stand of life through other metrics? Or, are you stating there are no methods that do as such.

Anonymous 38508

>>38453
>You've listed several negative examples (i.e. a federation is not civilization), do you have any positive examples? i.e X is a civilization?
There may be eras or cultures that better embody the spirit of civilization, like the Tang dynasty, the Indus valley, or the early Russian tsars, but judged from our era they would seem backwards. Their motivations make little sense to us now because they were working from an entirely different set of presuppositions about reality, yet they produced sophisticated art, literature, and architecture.

Shitou was an 8th century Buddhist teacher. He lived in a 12x12 grass hut that he rebuilt each year. If he had left nothing behind that would be fine, yet we have inherited two poems he wrote. This is an example of civilization, perhaps the gentlest kind.

>They're forced to find some metric by which to analyze things in order to present data. Have you found some other way of describing general stand of life through other metrics?

They are compelled to use quantifiable metrics since they are operating within a utilitarian paradigm, which is part of my critique. A qualitative appraisal of someone's life may be the songs they wrote, their valor, kindness, or their contribution to our traditions. When we look back at someone's life this is what we truly value, rather than their lifespan or economic productivity.

>>38454

>Human history is sort of like a giant endless tug of war between men trying to drag humanity into the future of progress and women trying to drag humanity backwards towards being animals again.
We are already approaching the end of the industrial era, it will have only lasted some 400 years. The progressive view of history is a myth, there's not going to be the continued technological progress you imagine. You can hope for the singularity or that we leave Earth, but even then it may already be too late.



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