this might be long, but i rly need advice on something that has basically consumed my life for the last few years. any help or anything would be appreciated, i've never told anybody about anything regarding this so i hope this will also be cathartic for me
ill start at the beginning: for basically my entire childhood up until like middle school, i had a really good relationship with my dad. we would basically never argue or fight or anything (most of the time, there were some times where i would act up and he would do stuff like make me look for orphanages in a phonebook because he said he would put me up for adoption), i did okay in school but got in trouble once in a while, things were basically just peachy. until i started puberty. it started with little things, like he would yell at me over random things, get really agitated, and started slapping/hitting me in my face as well as threatening to spank me. it was really gradual, taking place from when i was like 12 up to when i was around 16-17. things got worse and worse, to the point where it went from i was always happy around him to i would actively dread being around him. the older i got, the more he liked to touch and hit me as well. in 8th/9th grade, my grades were slipping pretty badly and i was getting in trouble at school a lot, and it got to the point where basically every day he would force me to sit on the couch so he and my mom could yell at me until i cry, then send me to my room to do nothing but homework until i fell asleep. if i ever tried to talk back to him or even try arguing with him, he wouldnt hesitate to just stand up and hit me and scream at me at the top of his lungs.
in like 8th grade, i was given a school therapist for something like adhd/depression/anxiety (its been so long, i cant remember exactly) and it felt like i could finally open up to someone about how i felt while being, in her words, "completely confidential" (didn't really have any friends, and it's not like its easy to open up to other ppl in middle school). i told her that i didnt like how my parents would find any excuse to be mad and yell at me and i missed how my relationship with my dad was when i was a kid. the therapist seemed like she actually wanted to find solutions and help me, so after the first session with her i felt pretty awesome about the future. i never ended up having a second session with her for reasons unknown, and it turns out she immediately told my parents what i told her
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