>do you have an eating disorder?
anorexia, restricting type>are you attempting recovery?
no, was "recovered" (forced into recovery) a year and 4 months ago and now i'm working on getting back to my pre-recovery weight>how long have you had it?
it started maybe 12 years ago, but my first honeymoon phase where i was restricting/fasting everyday was 9 years ago>what caused it?
probably a combination of several things. i was called fat by my family as a kid (4-15 years old), but especially my brother, he always called me a pig and a cow and whatnot, but that might just be because he was a ballroom dancer and, now that i think about it, his trainers and peers must have put pressure on him for his body as well. i have always had a healthy bmi as a kid.>how does it disrupt your daily life, if it does?
it absolutely does. i can't take a bite out of any kind of food without regretting it, wondering why i did that and how i'm disgusting. it has impacted my physical health immensely, problems with hormone production. i would say it accelerated my depression and ocd symptoms. at my lowest weight(s) i always noticed that i get more easily irritated, it would be way harder for me to study and i would give up after no more than 10 minutes, of course, low energy, fainting (especially in the shower for some reason?), i quit my job of 1.5 years because i was too embarrassed to state the fact that i would be going inpatient, stunted growth, warped perception of not only my body, but others too and so on.
writing this down actually reminded me of an instance where my brother pushed me down to measure my waist and compare it to his. now that i think about it, there was no way that was possible so he was probably lying (we have a 5 year age gap), but he said that my waist was bigger than his. i must have been 6-8 years old. it hurts just thinking about the fact that at that age i felt as if i was not good enough. i dont think i even fully understood what it meant to be fat, all i knew is that that's what i was and that it was a bad thing. and once i was old enough to understand it at least a little bit that's when i started trying to put in effort to change myself. i was a little girl, a kid. it hurts even more that i blame Post too long. Click here to view the full text.