Kill him

I wouldn't go as far as saying a bad person, you said he doesn't care if you like him back or not, right? You sound like you're under a lot of pressure. But you should definitely try to get out of it soon, by all means possible. Things are going to pass the point of no return

You're not a bad person, its pretty normal to give something a shot to see if you can feel something, but now that you know you don't its time to let it go or you'll pack on the guilt and self hate.

Oh, and another thing, she spent a quarter amount of her debt on buying her brother equipment for the military. Who is now dead and the reparations for that are going to his family we never talked to. So. Yeah. I'm glad I learned from my dad's gigajewish attitude towards money and never became like this.

>>130168
Now you made it political and i'm no longer able to care, because i don't know to which faction your family belongs.

>>130169
Okay? Your thoughts and prayers will be sorely missed I guess.

It's not like I support this. This was a horrible idea.

I'm just a clown to my normie friends. I should give up on trying to pretend to be someone that I'm not.

I have more stuff to do than humanly possible and I keep coming up with even more plans

>>130223
You wanted to compete with them? In what way?

>>130226
I just wanted to do whatever they did but better, because it was a source of their pride. But at the same time it's nonsensical, so that makes me not want to do it, paradoxically.

AizeklAchior sighting on /bant/.

>>130228
I feel like it makes sense. The basis of a personal relationship is wanting the other person to like you, isn't it? A relationship is defined as mutual like. Unlike an anonymous one like we have right now, it means that there's the logical move to try and make people like you

There’s nothing wrong about your decision and embracing the single life.

You're not being too stubborn at all, I think you are noble, and I'm sorry about your miscarriage nona

>My ex says I'll grow out of it but,

Babe, that's not true. He either has no empathy or doesn't understand. You don't just grow out of something like that. It's your child. Even if it was a miscarriage, it is still your child.

It's always okay to feel how you feel, and your feelings don't suddenly go away or change, it's still you despite everything. You don't magically grow out of yourself.

If you've already broken up once, then he's an ex, and exes are exes for a reason. Clearly not compatible and not on the same wave length. It has nothing to do with age either. The cycle of breaking up and getting back together happens with teenagers, those in their 20s, those in their 30s, those in their 40s, etc. It's just a clear sign that they aren't the right person for you.

Sex isn't love either. Love is genuinely caring, being compassionate, having empathy, supporting, and being able to relate to how you feel without dismissing it as "Bro just grow out of it"

>sex genuinely hasn't brought me much good in my life

Sex isn't for everyone. For many people (both men and women) it's just entertainment. Men use women to entertain themselves. Women use men to entertain themselves.

Some women like to cater to those men and talk dirty ("my pussy is sooooo wet", "And I would really look forward to you fucking my boobs fast and hard with your dick until you explode all over them", "Which position do you want to try anal in first?" or "I’d also really enjoy if you lick both of my holes from behind while I’m on all fours mmm" etc), talk about various sex acts such as blowjobs, different positions, anal sex. It's all about catering to him and validation or they want to feel 'desired' and 'wanted' as if they are only useful for entertaining him sexually. The "PICK ME" women. The women who feel like they're not attractive enough so they have to go far and harder to appeal to men sexually.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I want to sincerely thank everyone in this thread.

I come to find out he has been cheating on me during the whole thing, and has become unrecognizable from the man I love. I haven't asked for him back or anything, but am I even more hurt? Naturally, it also turns out he's also a side piece so I'm just glad I wasn't the only one "hurt".

During the whole reveal, he wants to claim accountability but all he has done is try and justify his actions.

I hold no ill towards the other woman, in fact, I wish she drains him even more. He gave up faithfulness and love for someone who ended up seeing him as a walking bank account.

I'm glad I miscarried.

>>130233
I don't really have any words that could make you feel better but I just wanted to say I'm sorry that happened to you

You have to persist and heal…. you're in the unfortunate circumstance of a catch 22. If you come out with your story he'll probably use whatever resources are at his disposal to dismiss and call you crazy, but you'll have a chance to give him a criminal record and maybe even put him on the sex offender registry. If you dont come out he'll continue to live his life but you will suffer in multitude of ways-your opportunities seem to already been shot due to this asshole. Unfortunately the entertainment industry is fillled with Moids who abuse those they deem lower then them. I know, I used to rub elbows with a prominent musician in the local music scene in nyc before he sexually coerced me into having sex with him.

I dont think my way of going about healing will help you. It might get you in more hot water actually…. but theres a saying that "haters make you famous." If you're willingly to be annoying and persistent on knocking this guy down a couple of pegs, then you should file title IX and file a police report. But thats going to require you to be able to stand your ground and refuse to become "blacklisted" cause some rich kid asshole wants to paint you as the villain. If you dont come out, you're going to live a life that you initially didnt choose for yourself because you were afraid of what might happen if you did. I believe you. I honestly do. But you gotta be prepared of people with internalized misogyny dismissing your trauma because of bulllshit.

Whatever you choose to do is entirely up to you. I didnt go to the police with my assault. But i did end up harrassing my assaulter in subtle ways cause i was a teenager and very, very stupid but persistent. However, I'm in therapy now and im continuously facing my trauma head on doing so. And! The man who coerced me is no longer in the music scene (as of right now. And it better stay like that ^_^)

I highly recommend therapy. I'll link some different types of therapy in the reply to this so youll have a more informed opinion when you choose to seek it.

>>128076
>I really thought he was going to be able to work on and uplift my work before he left.
loool

>>128077
Thank you, this is a really kind response and unfortunately most people don't understand you'll just be rubbing shoulders with so many abusive people in this industry it can all just blur together. People can laugh all they want, but the reality of working in theater is working with abusers 24/7 and learning to adapt in that environment as a woman. It's nice to see someone else in the city who really gets it.

>If you're willingly to be annoying and persistent on knocking this guy down a couple of pegs, then you should file title IX and file a police report
Fortunately, I have the texts of him admitting to it and us talking about me being referred to SA survivors group therapy. This isn't my first time going through something abusive, so I know what's required to get an investigation started, at least. I do have enough.

I'm conflicted, as I'm not really looking for revenge, more so to get those opportunities back and be part of my school environment. I spent so much time defending him and being a clear emotional wreck, people have really distanced themselves from me. Some people know due to a third party being really nosy about the abuse too and making it all about them for some weird reason. I'm worried I lost my casting eligibility going forward in school shows, too, not that my academics reflect that treatment. It's just academic sexism. I also worry part of me would always feel guilty for ruining his life, which is a crazy thing to say about someone who put their hand down my shorts after asking them not to, while I froze, blaming it on his ADHD and then not medicating. He's apologized ceaselessly, he'll say things like "nobody has anything to apologize for but me," "I understand if you hate me," or "I'll hate myself for this forever," but the only person hurting in any material way is me. I really wanted us to just break up like normal people, but this has so fucked up my life…

>I highly recommend therapy
I started going over the Summer after this happened. My provider is great, but I'm open to other options because I'm not feeling like it's enough and don't love IFS therapy rn, so thanks for your link. <3

>>128077
OP here. I did it. I did it all. The title ix, the play on my own. I think about your reply all of the time so I just wanted you to know. Thank you for your advice as it was instrumental to my decision making process. You were 100% right, and thankfully I do have enough evidence and witnesses I will probably win.

I somehow have multiple +180cm friends and family members old and young, they all complain about it and have horrible posture because they're afraid of standing up straight(bent knees, hunched back). They say they're attracting too much attention and younger ones say they get made fun of. They should be glad they're statuesque and you should be glad you're cute.

>>129794
>you should be glad you're cute.
doesnt really match my personality and the traits that i wanna present. wish there was a way to trade

>>129785
> Muscular looks weird, fat looks weird
hard disagree, unless we're talking obese or too muscular/too low fat percentage, n that case it looks off-putting no matter the height

there are some benefits if you ignore looks. short people have lower centers of gravity and are far more aerodynamic. gives you an insane advantage when biking.
beyond that, i haven't noticed any perks to being short, just many small humiliations.

>>130229
If you're smaller you need less food too I guess

>>130028
stop letting vanity be all your life, think about this, it's something that will eventually die, we age out of "beauty", each one of us. I don't mean don't appreciate yourself, but see yourself in the grand scheme of things and not in a negative rivalry with someone else.

Probably not the answer you're looking for OP, but getting with my (now) husband.
All the things I hated about my body (cellulite on thighs, armpit fat, saggy breasts, my downstairs morphology, etc) were things he literally didn't care about when I got naked for the first time in front of him. When I finally confided in him about these things, he was kinda like '….what?'.

That tripped my brain into knowing that my body is actually ok as long as it's healthy and working. I was seriously considering surgery for the above.

>>130188
>All the things I hated about my body (cellulite on thighs, armpit fat, saggy breasts, my downstairs morphology, etc) were things he literally didn't care about when I got naked for the first time in front of him. When I finally confided in him about these things, he was kinda like '….what?'.

Validation from men? Approval from men? That's the solution?

>>130213
>Validation from men?

Kinda, yeah. And I don't like how it resolved the issue /for me/ either. It's not what I recommend to everyone else - it's how it naturally happened for me.

Actually seeing how no-one gave a shit about the things I mentioned, especially the man I chose to be intimate with, just changed my view on how my body looks. It's like at that moment I understood that as long as I workout, eat healthily (most of the time) and try to look after myself then the rest is ok.

Plus I've explored my spirituality a lot more which has shifted my mindset, not to sound negative at all, but to me this body is a temporary vehicle to explore the world before I return home, a vehicle that was gifted to me so I should treat it with care - I don't identify so heavily with it's 'flaws' anymore.

Psilocybin (magic mushrooms)
LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide)
DMT (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine) and Ayahuasca
Ketamine (dissociative anesthetic)
Salvinorin A (found in Salvia divinorum)
Ibogaine and Mescaline

>>130200
>So what should I do?
be my friend instead

>>130207
Maybe. I take interest in the scripture. I don't know if I believe really, but I want to learn and I do want to follow its wisdom, some of it at least.

I keep thinking about how actions speak louder than words. If I am willing to sacrifice more and more every time I learn, it would mean that I probably do believe. That's how I'll tell.

>>130208
There are old paintings and other works of art depicting Jesus surrounded by the sun. It's said the sun is emblematic of his love. Always giving everything with nothing requested in return; in other words pure unconditional love. In that sense every non sentient object around us is love and when we die we will return to that pure state of love. There are schools of thought who say we can access this state of pure love even while still living through awakening to our true selves. I find these world views fascinating and they seem to connect lots of old world spirituality together

>>130210
>love
Well, that could tie back to this thread's topic too. I don't think seeing another one's suffering is necessarily sadistic. I think it could nurture empathy and love, too.

That's a pretty interesting paragraph you got here. I like it.

>>130211
It is said to awaken to your true self is to realize you are not your thoughts or emotions. You exist independently from them in a state of pure awareness. You are the space between thoughts. You are the silent observer. This connection to consciousness is present in all of us and connects us as one.