Lolcow’s lonely women thread and murderer documentaries on youtube really make me feel not alone in being really isolated and out of touch from reality. Thank you lolcow autistic experiences thread and weird people youtube documentaries, also the strange people thread here on /x/. This is something really hard for me to come to terms with as it fills me with dread.

Finally found that one table that tied schizoidness to historical attitudes towards children. Psychogenic modes are a fringe theory I think but it makes an interesting point.

To be a hermit is to be holy.

my face when I accidentally see people I don't like having a good day

I rejoined “society” and I started noticing something that hasn’t been here before.

I stopped constantly comparing people to each other. I don’t create mental hierarchies where someone is inferior or superior. I don’t evaluate them by asking “how good would being friends with them make me look?”.

I think I started seeing people as ends unto themselves. It is a strange feeling, as if I am a parent that doesn’t have a favorite child - they’re all just… valuable by themselves.

Somehow this feels very liberating. Weird, huh?

>>131566
I'm talking about a white guy

>>131544

But where can I find those nonas? It has been so hard for me to even talk with other women, I joined an association in my faculty and despite that I still cannot fully relate to them on a personal level as I have done with men.

Not even with my closest friends as girls, it is as if I wasn't socialized properly with other women. Sounds very bad and sad, yet I never experienced those friendships some girls had as "sisters", all girls I met were into me in some romantic way. Just as my male friends, who were gay, despite that still into me.

I think it's very cool you managed to make girl friends, because it has been so hard for me

>>131560

It's because they are black so "black men are like this" and that mindset, so if one guy says "you are a bit rude with women" if he is white or black, he will be called off as less black or stuff like hierarchy and social games. The only way for this to stop would be for black women to socially outcast black men who do not behave as how they should, which will make most of them gay and some of them change to fit in with female standards.

Which is something that happens often, most gay men who are not gay because of abuse or awful relationships with their parents, are gay because they cannot stand the idea of pleasing a woman because women are not worth their time for them.

>>131575
> I think it's very cool you managed to make girl friends, because it has been so hard for me
I honestly never did. I don’t think even now I have genuine female friends besides one woman I have known for 16 years, even then I think we’re cordial at best.

It sucks being a person that desperately wants connection yet is unable to do so with most people. Without my SO I’d be so fucking dead. I was so lucky to meet someone who’s literally me but male.

I’m sorry I just ended up talking about myself in the end. I guess I just wanted to share something.

And I guess to answer your question, unfortunately meeting the right people comes down to luck and not being afraid to be vulnerable sometimes. All that’s left is to keep trying.

>>118137

I'm just being completely insane and irrational so there's nothing to really open up about.. Even if there was, I do a poor job of communicating. How do I communicate better and express my insecurities without causing an argument, do I just feel these feelings silently? Because it's to the point that every time I bring it up, it causes a new argument. I'm stuck in my ways. Other women shouldn't be considered competition at all. He loves everything about me and I'm just still so insecure.

>>118136
>>118138
Oh nona I'm in the same baot as you. my insecurities and mental illness/anger issues always cause a fight between us and I go insane without his attention and talking to him

I regret ever expressing how it feels to him and get angry at him when he doesnt react the way i want, I apologize and beg him to come back only to sabotage the relationship again and again

>>118132
not sure where you're at with him now, but it seems like you put it pretty clearly here and in writing. you could just copy and paste some of this into a text or something.

I also experience extreme jealousy (abandonment wounds from upbringing and was betrayed by first love, not sure if I'll ever see men/relationships as fully trustworthy, but I'm trying to be open). look, whether it's what you've been through or stories you hear through others in person or online, it's easy to completely absorb the idea that men are lustful apes with no self control or that every girl is out to steal your man and that this is some big fucking to the death sex competition, but there is so much more out there. it's the dwelling and obsession that you're getting stuck on because for as miserable as it is, it feels good. in a miserable way. it makes you feel like you are protecting yourself. I know the feeling. find what specifically you feel is hurting you. go to the source. your fear uses his likeness as a skin to mask itself so you don't suspect who is really at fault. it does not make you crazy or evil or selfish. it is a preoccupation with your self and something important to you. the truth is you probably don't have the best self esteem, even if you have moments of confidence or rationality. learn to sit with discomfort. learn to sit and watch. when you feel the impulse to attack or point something out to him about another woman or whatever thing you feel about yourself, just go quiet. I swear by this. just swallow it and breathe. if he genuinely isn't doing or hasn't done things to break your trust, then sit with the idea that this is a projection of you effectively "cheating on yourself" with these other girls. whether hate stalking them, comparing yourself to them incessantly in your mind, imagining scenarios of him and them, etc., you are thinking WAY too much about these other girls. which is what you're afraid of him doing, right? imagine what life would feel like if you spent that energy imagining the sweet things he's done for you, said to you, that you've experienced together. imagine if you thought up date ideas or an activity or a gift idea. imagine if you imagined yourself achieving something special, working towards a goal, no matter how simple. it becomes a habit in the brain, but you're not stuck this way. you're scared and need to activate some kinPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>118132
I feel this all the time. Literally all of my teen years where I was in a relationship, halfway through I'd feel that my bf didn't want me anymore and would look for other girls to be interested in. I fear this will never go away and I don't fully understand it. I know there was an instance where my crush had told me he liked another girl while he was aware I liked him and that really hurt me. So much so that I think it forever ruined my confidence in the dating scene. It wasn't just that of course, but it was the first time I ever got close to a boy and it just shattered my trust in people. Plus, being lonely, sheltered, not having real friends, growing up in a hostile environment where your parents give a bad example of what marriage is supposed to look like, and only having the internet as my comfort, it just made my insecurities worse. I think arguing about it is ironically better than what I do, which is assume how the other person feels and just take it as fact. At the very least you're confronting them about it and expressing your jealousy. I wish I was better at communicating how I feel, but every time I try, it just seems like I can't get it out. I don't know how. I think how I feel is pathetic, but I don't have the faith in myself to improve. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. It's really annoying and I don't know what to do if I just constantly stop myself from ever being happy.

>>118138
1. Recognize that your intrusive thoughts are irrational and admit this to him.
2. When you get jealous say 'I got jealous again, I need affection', giving him a chance to show he likes you more than the girl who will not get a hug or whatever from him.
3.The hard part is believing what he says. Remember that he has a simple, pathetic boy brain. He is not capable of complex social thought. There's no hidden meaning in anything he says because he's too simple-minded to pull that off.

My body is so ugly. I wish I could get my hips shaved so I can appear T shape instead 8

>>131569
Human life is made for tall people. Short people are associated with primitiveness, the only time a short person accepted in society is when they're either hardworking slaves or whores. Just shows you being short is a disposable thing, being an object. You go to a store and %100 of the clothes don't fit you. I don't even want to type it anymore, it's meaningless. Just waiting to die

>>131569
Eppley does that but only the front part of the hip, I don't know if it would be enough, there's also a surgery that grows your femurs but that's too high maintance with permanent disability side effects. It fixes your femur angle by making it more androgynous and vertical

>>131572
I can't even think right now, I hope I die when I go outside, if I do, a car should hit me

>>131569
why'd you choose black underwear hon?

why do you bite yourself?

I'm 20 and also used to self-harm, I can also get quite anxious. You should try some fidgetting toys or trying to release that anxious energy on something else. Exercise, art, writing, music. It will be hard at first and you'll have to force yourself to not self-harm. The more you practice eventually you'll condition your brain to express it in whatever other way you choose and it'll get easier.

I don't recommend talking about doctors on self-harm unless you're 100% sure you cannot control yourself. They could send you to a mental ward if they consider you a threat to yourself, and that place is more often than not a worse experience. Cheers nona, good luck

>>131490
probably the same reason parrots pluck their own feathers out when stressed out

self harm is tricky because its not like drugs where you can just separate yourself from it, esp if ur biting urself. other nona said this but you have to force yourself to stop. like when youre right about to do it you have to stop and hold yourself accountable. it will be hard but it will be worth it. start working out!!! helps a lot, basically self harm but then u r jacked too

>>131529
girl what is actually going on in your life. like hang on. people are being poisoned? let’s talk about it.

>>131534
I work in industry as a machinist and TIG welder. He has, to date, ordered the apprentice to machine raw lead (illegal as fuck), grind hardwood without PPE, and attempt welding on galvanized steel (creates poisonous gases). This man has laughed when I was walking around dazed nauseous with welder gal, poisoned by the gasses from lack of PPE. He thought it was funny. And he became upset with me when I refused to do a job where I had gotten arsenic poisoning twice before, and told him to do it himself.

But, apparently, I'm the problem.

I can't exactly quit either, very few other places would put up with my emotionally erratic ass.

Welp, I am kicked out of the DBT group. I was considered disruptive and "unhelpful for the other patients."

>>131062
what vidya?

yoga, read, cook, clean, workout, overwatch.

a large chunk of my day is just wasting away, suffering from painkiller resistant chronic pain and fatigue and they still call me lazy

>>131268
Have you tried not being in pain? /s

I’m living a good life as a NEET right now and I’m pretty productive in my daily life. But seeing other women actually having pretty impressive jobs makes me feel like I need to prove I’m just as good as them. I don’t want to be the less accomplished one in the room, you know? A career isn’t necessary for that but the fact that I sucked at my jobs makes me feel insecure.

You should break up with him, what the fuck?

He's clearly a user, Nona. Pedos are just human predators who really suck at being human predators, so they go after the most vulnerable of all.

>>131527
>>131528
this for real isn’t my life and sorry for being misleading but the answer is so fucking obvious i’m just posting this and screenshotting responses to the person who needed to hear this. sorry for any unintentional emotional distress it is an actual real life thing that happened but it’s not my life.

>>131530
Post their replies

>>131530
Should've made that obvious???

>>131449

This is so based

>>131449
finally someone wrote something to address the stupid meme OP is perpetrating

>>131550
can you send me some money

>>131551
For what exactly