>>130298
>I always find it astonishing when I hear of people who found therapy to be effective… It seems like this is more of a rare case, in which you need to be lucky to get paired with the right one who actually listens to you. I'm very glad therapy helped you overcome hurtful memories and experiences, I think those tend to hold one back a lot later in adulthood.
The first therapist messed me up (not personally just using the wrong method - CBT). My next therapist used 'talking therapy' which involved me getting things off my chest, then they would give their professional feedback on thought patterns or behaviours. It was a great way for me to get over trauma and for my body to actually release the stored stress (that was rough lol). Ever since then I've been trying to be more outgoing, and I actually want to be too.

>I would love to join a book club but unfortunately I'm even too anxious to leave the house. My autism isn't displayed when I talk only, for some reason "normal" people can clock it immediately when seeing me. Maybe due to gestures, I don't know eugh (it's exhausting).
How about attending a talk or a lecture on a subject you enjoy? You can sit at the back and not talk to anyone, but you're still in a group of people who want to focus on the same thing. I've been to a few and it still feels 'social' without having to be proactively social if that makes sense? Also you'd be surprised at the amount of people who don't care about your autism or awkwardness, there are extroverted nice people who like the same things you do and will make the effort to connect - so please don't hide from them :)

>Do you have advice on how to do that? I know people pay tons of money to get one done professionally. Also thank you again for your kind words!! :3
You absolutely don't need to spend money. There's so many useful posts on Pinterest + IG for it, I think as long as you understand the difference between contrast, saturation and cool/warm that's all you really need. I initially didn't like the colours for my season, but once I saw myself in the mirror wearing them I was like "Ok maybe there's something to this after all…"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqE4EPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I relate anon, I can't get out of bed until 1 or 2 or 3 some days, I have crippling anxiety and am unable to find any joy in life sometimes. My only cope is to remind myself I've gotten out of similar ruts in the past but even then it can only do so much for me. I want to kill myself but I'm too scared to go through with it, I want to feel better but I'm not able to even find joy in the smallest things, I just want to rip all my anxiety and sadness out of my brain and let it fade off so I can be happier but I just can't

>>130288
my doctor wont prescribe stimulants for my adhd because I am fat and my blood pressure is too high T.T

>>130300
>My next therapist used 'talking therapy' which involved me getting things off my chest, then they would give their professional feedback on thought patterns or behaviours.
That does sound helpful, and even though I didn't go to therapy because of childhood trauma, I wish mine was like that too. I wish she would give her professional insights on my problems but instead, she just invalidates every single one of mine. I tell her I have issues with masking constantly since I was a child, and her response to these kinds of things is "No, you don't seem to have that problem"?? It's like going to the doctor because your knee hurts, and they just tell you "No, your knee doesn't hurt. I think you're just imagining the pain!" She also told me that I cannot be autistic because my of my good ability read and write, and because I can feel emotions (I thought she was kidding me but no). What she probably meant was that I cannot be autistic because I'm a woman lol.
>there are extroverted nice people who like the same things you do and will make the effort to connect - so please don't hide from them :)
Well that sounds encouraging, I have met extroverts before who were very kind to me, I guess they liked that I'm quiet because that gave them more space to talk hah. I think I will try to attend such meeting, and if it sucked, I won't have to see the people ever again.
>Keep posting here with updates:) I believe in you!
Thank you anon, I will update under this thread in a month or two from now, I'll try to do as much of your advice as I can!

>>130301
I'm really sorry about that, but I am positive that we can make it out of it. As you have said, you were able to pull yourself out before a couple of times. Also I think it helps to hear of other nonas who went through the same and got better eventually. I think putting in a bunch of effort is worth a try, no matter how hard it will be.
>>130303
Hmm, I have heard of obese people being prescribed stimulants such as vyvanse for weightloss since it suppresses your hunger a lot… Maybe make him aware of that. You'd solve two problems at once.

Around the same time I also scanned the city's ip range and looked for anything interesting.
The most interesting one was some sort of uhh physics experiment?
There was a graph of an industrial water boiler with information on the temperature, maybe pressure and so on. I guess it was a real machine that sent the information to the server, kinda cool.

I made the GO gopher in Spore one year ago.

Also, another random bit of trivia from childhood. I started using the Internet more or less at 8-9 years old.
One of the things I did first was sign up on some social media site and upload my picture. I played the games on the site and then kinda never visited again.

Fast forward like 3 years later, I log into my old email to see a bunch of friend request notifications. A lot of them were like 30 to 40 year old men.

Here's an update.
I have been trying to run the game with Renderdoc. It didn't work, apitrace didn't work. Even Nsight graphics. It would simply fucking CRASH and there would be no logs no nothing. I had to look through windows events (really handy) and even some logs I was unable to access and had to xcopy them.
I turned off my main GPU, turned off my integrated GPU, was considering translating the game to direct x or something.

Then I ran it through the debugger. It did not run, again. BUT, guess what, it crashed on some fucking AUDIO LIBRARY. That's crazy.
I disabled audio enhancements or something and now the debugger and the game seem to run properly together.

Shit's crazy. To be fair I was really tired yesterday and it helped me relax so I'm happy.

I remember I was trying to mess around in Danmakufu. Like shaders, you also have to use math here a lot.

Here's an old video of mine.

>>129805
real

its exam period and it's getting too much for me. The past week I have been studying math for 5 hours every day. Taking one past exam which is three hours, correcting it which takes an hour, and doing weak topics or reviewing formulas for the last hour. The problem is I still fucking suck. Tomorrow is my exam. My average is at 52% and I'm really scared I won't pass. All that time spent for nothing. The past exams I did ranged from 51-79%,, but these last days have been horrible. Yesterday I did an exam and got 37% and today I made another one but didn't finish it because it was actually hurting my soul. I don't know what to do. I can't do more. I have another subject tomorrow too in the morning so I am scared my concentration will already be dwindling. Sometimes I get stuff wrong because I don't have the insight and it's so frustrating because then I watch a video explaining and it's so simple I could literally do it. But I have been making LOTS of mistakes on literally just, forgetting to put a minus here or ssometimes misreading my own previous work. It's so frustrating. I need to be extremely precise tomorrow but I am just scared. My heart hurts. I can't do more. My parents know I have been studying hard and think that my efforts will pay off but I doubt it. It will be mediocre at best… if I fail I might genuinely have to kill myself. Want to kill myself right now already. I don't feel like I am getting better. In the beginning I could see improvement between my first few exams and now I've plateaued. I think it's because I understand the material but I keep making fucking stupid careless errors. And my approach may be systematic and flawless but then I see I made a mistake with subtracting two functions from eachother which fucks up the rest and it makes me crash out. I pray tomorrow I will have the clarity to not make such mistakes- but I have been trying every day as if it were a real exam to no avail. Just sucks. My heart breaks. I don't know how to get my grade up and frankly I can't be too bothered anymore. I want it but I just, can't. But I do care actually. Kill me.

I also have another subject in the morning which is very learn heavy. The last few weeks every day I have been revising and revising and revising the material. I know pretty much every detail by heart. I think a 100% is easily in reach for me I just need to work on formulating my answers. I know I should practice by taking past exams but I just can't seem to do anythiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I'm bullied by coworkers. I love the job, and I need it to survive, but these people make me want to die.They know it bothers me too and wont stop.
Apparently in America no one cares if someone is harassing you at work if it doesn't involve race, gender, age, religion

It's so obvious he's losing interest in me, he only tells me he misses me at night and he is way more less affectionate than before and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've dropped all my studies and hobbies just to focus on doing things that will impress him or to engage and look into his interests, if he doesn't start loving me more I don't know what I'll do

>>130304
i'm sorry you are going through that. it sounds very painful. sending love your way internet stranger

Wow didn't know ella freya posted here

like salty bags of coins, milk and sand or something

OP are you abstinent by choice or not because you look great and I'm sure lots of guys and even other women would date you

you will never be a woman

cuz a woman has a womb, not a man

you can never be a woman

that's tough for some folks to understand

you will never be a woman

try as you might you look like cher not snow white

and while they take our rights away

you're up at night deciding if you're queer, bi or gay
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms

If things are gonna get better tell me a 'when' and a 'where'.
Sitting and staring in the mirror, nobody's there,
That I know, feeling so alone and I'm scared that nobody cares.
My nights consist of so many prayers.
I once had so many dreams, I once was going somewhere.

Elwynn Forest… Home…

Unknown, Little Scarlet.

>>130142
If you don't share interests, there's just nothing to talk about. A guy can pretend to care about your day sure but how long could that conversation last really? I don't know why people don't bring this up more often but if you don't share interests it's likely just not going to work out long term because you'll only be interacting for sex or you'll be forcing some half-assed interest like you mentioned. The big issue is there isn't really a lot of overlap between what most guys are into vs what most women are into and this is only exacerbated by internet algorithms. I really don't know why women go around assuming as long as there's an initial spark it'll all eventually work out in the end. Relationships take a lot of work from both parties and sometimes you're just not made for each other.

People in general and especially men are increasingly immature. The vast majority of people try their best in romantic relationships and often fail themselves despite their best intentions. Good relationships come with serendipity, it takes patience, persistence, and an openness to be surprised.

>>130142
this checks out all the boxes for a man that wants a gf just to take, never to give. so many men dont even like women or are interested in them in any other way than that they want someone to be nice to them, ask them about stuff and all of that. if they dont even want to know who you are and whats going on with you, they dont really love you, they just want a relationship with pretty much just someone to feel less lonely.

>>128736
Is this little guy dead? I hope so.

>>128738
No he's getting an x-ray under anesthesia. Also rude

Im a neet for like 10months now because i had one too many mental breakdowns working with my dad. I mostly try to help around the house and take care of myself. I cook, clean, talk with friends on discord game, make art, read, but ive been going out on walks to get some exercise and fresh air. I gotta get my resume updated and start applying but im afraid to.

fuck around on the pc, browse my phone, smoke pot, harass my cats. I do occasionally go out for walks at the park and I definitely plan on being more active in the summer

I'm a NEET and I currently larp like I'm attending a uni studying certain subjects. Meaning, I just study something on a schedule for 1.5 hours with breaks inbetween and sometimes I try to plan what I will do. So far it made me feel better because I accomplish something every day.
Really a lot of these "subjects" are just my hobbies, but structured. Structure improves everything A LOT, it's way easier to manage your existing activities and introduce changes into your life this way. Always having planned downtime is good too.
I'll see how long this lasts.

You're not a bad person, its pretty normal to give something a shot to see if you can feel something, but now that you know you don't its time to let it go or you'll pack on the guilt and self hate.

no, because using people is not bad.

Found this about wrong turns and I wanted to share

https://spiritualherbals.com/post.php?title=when-nothing-in-your-life-is-moving-forward-the-spiritual-blockage-many-people-ignore

Love spells
Read about it and found out it was the best option
It worked
https://spiritualherbals.com/post.php?title=why-a-personal-spell-is-different-from-ordinary-rituals